"It's hard at times, but it makes a kid strong in ways that most people can't understand. Teaches them that even though people are left behind, new ones will inevitable take their place;
that every place has something good and bad to offer.
It makes a kid grow up fast."
– Nicholas Sparks, The Lucky One
Cecilia's POV
The four of us hadn't had it easy since we had to leave that house in such a hurry because of that group of men that chose the same house to use it, we had such bad luck.
"I'm cold," Carl muttered as he got even closer to me, I ran my hand up and down his arm to warm him up but it was barely working.
It had been around a week and we had spent all the time outside, mostly on the woods with the exception of one night, where we allowed ourselves to stay in a nice but messy cottage, where we found more food.
We had run into several groups of walkers making us go around mostly in circles, so we had been pretty much in the same area all this time, and maybe because of that we hadn't seen any other person, including the people from the prison.
At the moment Michonne and Rick were discussing things like the adults they are, Michonne wanted to head west while Rick wanted to go east, Michonne wanted to spend the night inside a store we passed by before dusk but Rick said it was too risky and now we are freezing out here.
"They seem like an old married couple, don't they?" I commented as I stared at the pair, who believed Carl and I had fallen asleep.
"Yeah, but with weapons," Carl said with a nod as he looked at Michonne's katana, which was in her hand. Rick had his big gun on his hand as well and anyone that didn't know them would be terrified because they would believe they would kill each other but they were just being their usual selves, none of them was in any kind of danger.
Rick and Michonne don't argue often and their arguments aren't ugly but when they happen they are long, they just keep going in circles, both are stubborn and the two of them want the best for Carl and me and both are right in their own ways.
"Do you think we will ever find a nice place to stay, like not temporarily?" he asked, looking right into my eyes. "I know, it's been only two or three weeks top but I guess I got used to have... a home, you know? I actually miss having to clean the pigs' pen and the farming stuff, much better than having to sleep on the ground and being cold."
"I know," I said sadly. "I miss it too but we had the prison and just because it's gone now it doesn't mean we won't find another place to stay."
"The thing is find it before walkers get us, before people get us." Carl whispered the last part but I heard it clearly.
"Don't talk like that. It has been rough, I know, but we can't think like that. How much time passed until you found the prison? You just stumbled upon it, something like that will happen again. There has to be somewhere else that is safe."
"I hope so and I hope we find it fast because I don't think we can last another eight months living like this," Carl told me. "We barely made it then and things weren't as bad as now and we were more than fifteen people, now it's just the four of us against the whole world."
"Well, we are hell of a team. We got the Grimes boys, the last samurai," I said with a chuckle remembering what Daryl called her when he first met her.
"And Cecilia Peletier, the female archer" Carl said with a smile. "You are right, we are the best team ever."
Fortunately the gloomy mood didn't last long and I managed to make Carl smile again, we talked about nice stuff for around an hour until the two of us fell asleep, his head resting on my shoulder and mine on top of his.
But our sleep and peace didn't last long, I was woken up before sunrise. At first I thought it was my turn to keep watch but only seconds later I heard snarling, Michonne killed around ten as the rest of us grabbed all our bags and stuff. We were followed by that big herd for around two hours straight. Believe me it's not nice to be woken up to run several miles at a kind of fast pace, my muscles and mind were not ready for it.
"Shit," I muttered as we finally took a break.
"Cecilia," Rick warmed me. I just rolled my eyes as I heavily took deep breaths.
"Well, that was a nice wake up," I said sarcastically. "We should do it every morning."
The four of us then continued at a much slower pace, making some turns in these streets, we were forced to get out of the woods by those walkers and hopefully we had lost them here.
We stopped for fifteen minutes so we could eat our breakfast and regain some strength. Carl, Michonne and I wanted to get into a house or small store and spend the rest of the day there, probably even the night but Rick still believed it was too dangerous because of what happened last time.
"We can't spend the whole winter out in the woods," Michonne told Rick.
"It's not winter yet," Rick exclaimed.
"But it's cold already," I said. "We should at least get a car so we can spend the nights there, have some kind of shelter."
"I couldn't even feel my fingers last night," Carl added. "If the walkers don't kill us, the cold will."
"Alright," Rick said, finally giving in, Carl was his weakness. "Let's just get farther from here, Cecilia and I killed two men from that group and I don't think it would be safe to be so close, so let's just keep walking for now."
I really hadn't fought about those men and the fact I did killed a man. Whenever I'm in those situations I don't even think about it, I just pull the trigger and keep on, like a switch goes off and my conscience vanishes but once I'm safe again, I'm overwhelmed by guilt and remorse. I never thought I would be a killer but so far I had killed eight people and the list could go on, thing I'm afraid of.
We continued to walk at a fast pace for several miles, we had to break into a few sprints because we bumped into four groups of walkers of more than fifteen, so the better thing to do was run instead of killing them off.
"Hey," Michonne muttered in a too friendly way, at the moment Rick and Carl were a few feet ahead of us, Carl had a smile on his face as he told Rick something.
"Hi," I said, flashing Michonne a smile but then I faced the way ahead of me again.
"You okay?"
"Yeah, why?" I asked, raising my eyebrows. "Today has been a tough day but I guess we're all just used to it."
"That's not what I mean," Michonne told me. "Rick mentioned something, he said you might want to talk to me about something."
"Uh, did he say about what?" I asked, getting nervous, I knew what Rick wanted me to talk about but I played dumb.
"Not really," Michonne said, making me sigh in relief. "But he said there might be something you would want to talk to a friend... a female friend."
"Oh, well, there is nothing I need to talk about, I'm fine," I said with a fake smile.
"You sure? You can trust me, Cici. I've noticed you haven't been yourself lately."
"I guess a lot of things have happened to me lately and now with what happened to the prison, I'm just barely hanging on, you know? And I miss my mum, I miss Daryl, I miss Beth and Maggie and Glenn and Sasha and everyone else and what happened with the virus and... and Sean, I guess everything has just accumulated lately and is affecting me but I'm hanging on, I am."
"It's just that?"
"What? Do you think that's not enough?" I exclaimed.
"I think you are keeping something from me," she told me, I was going to argue with her when she spoke quickly. "But that's okay, I know how you are and you tell me things when you are ready, just like me. I understand and I want you to know, I'll be here if you need to talk."
"Okay," I muttered. "Thanks."
She nodded at me and accelerated her pace, leaving me in the very back of our group, while the guys were still on the lead. Despite our horrible day Carl had a big smile on his face and Rick kept laughing at things Carl was saying to him.
Today we had gotten farther than all the previous days combined and a part of me was glad about that, wanting to leave the prison, the house we stayed in, that group of men and everything as far as we could but I wasn't sure if we get far enough we will get too far from any other survivor. Michonne found us a few days after everything happened maybe it wasn't that impossible to find or be found by someone else, anyone.
A few hours later, before it got dark, we found a house to stay in. It looked worse than the rest around, Michonne believed that if people walked by that house would be the last one to be chosen and lucky for us the house was safe enough for us to stay for at least a night and there were no walkers inside and we found some boxes of food inside.
After we ate, Carl went upstairs, chose a bed and got under the covers. I actually was glad we had convinced Rick to not sleep out in the woods again because tonight was colder than usual.
I took first watch, I only grabbed a blanket, wrapped it around me as I stayed downstairs, while everyone else went to sleep upstairs.
Tonight was so dark, the sky was fully covered by thick clouds, covering the stars and the moon completely. As I look at the endless dark above me, I remembered that night, a very long time ago back at Hershel's farm. Daryl and I were just starting to get close, we spent all night watching the stars and the moons, I was amazed at how many could be seen because at New York all you could see was the lights from the tall buildings.
That night I was pretty upset because I had found out my mother hadn't gone out to look for me or Sophia, she let Daryl and Rick do everything she should have and Daryl felt suffocated because he had been shot and was forced to stay inside the house for two days straight or so, he wanted to go out and so did I and that night was one of my favourite memories, I wonder if Daryl still remembers it.
"I will find you, Daryl," I whispered as I kept looking at the dark sky through the window. "I promise."
I took a deep breath before I stood up and went upstairs, it was time to wake Michonne up. When I went upstairs, I headed to the master bedroom and found Rick and Michonne sleeping on the same bed. They couldn't be more apart from each other, both sleeping on the corners of the bed, trying to be as far from the other but the fact they were sleeping together made me smirk. There was one small bed next to where Carl was sleeping, still they chose to sleep together.
I softly shook Michonne to wake her up, I decided to not say anything for now about the two of them sleeping on the same bed but I was going to tomorrow or the day after and I wasn't just going to tease Michonne, I was going to tease Rick too, what I was wondering was if I should tell Carl about it, I wasn't sure what he would feel about them being together, his mother died less than a year ago so he probably wouldn't approve of his father being with another woman.
After waking her up I lied on the small bed next to Carl's. It felt so nice to be sleeping on something soft again and having thick blankets to warm you up during the night.
The four of us stayed in that house for four more days, then we spent two days out in the open again and then we found another house, we had been there for another four days and Rick already wanted to leave and find somewhere new.
"We are running out of food anyway," I muttered, supporting Rick this time.
"But we still have food for around another week," Carl said, trying to get us to stay at least one more day.
"What if we don't find food before we run out of our supplies?" Rick exclaimed. "We have to leave."
"It's not so easy finding food now," I added.
"It isn't easy finding shelter either," Carl muttered.
"But we will," Rick told him firmly. "I'll check the house next to this one and see if there's something to eat while you all pack."
"I have everything packed," I said. "I'll check another house."
Rick and I argued for a bit but he eventually gave in. The two of us walked out of the house and walked down the street, I stopped in front of the first house while Rick went to the one next to this one. I nodded at him after I knocked hard on the door and made sure there were no walkers, then I walked in.
Before I checked the kitchen, I went upstairs and carefully looked around for anything useful but all I found was a nursery and some formula, I bit my lip trying hard not to cry. I got quick flashes of Judith's bloody carrier as I looked at the room and it made it all worse that it was painted light pink, it was a girl's. There were stuffed animals everywhere, I would probably grab a few if Judith was still with us and I would get all that formula and maybe some clothes as well, maybe it was good Rick didn't searched this house like he originally planned, this would have killed him.
I sniffled, took a deep breath and closed the door slowly, then I headed to the master bedroom, still feeling really sad. This place was a mess, all the drawers were opened, the bed was messy and there were clothes all over the floor.
I took a final look around before I decided to leave without searching because someone had already done that and probably taken anything that could be useful. I turned around, with my head bent out of disappointed, facing the ground when a brown shirt caught my attention. Lots of the clothes here, if not all of them, seemed clean, except this one. Something inside of me practically pushed me to pick it up, it was probably nothing but I still grabbed it.
I held it by the collar and looked at it closely and when I did I almost had a heart attack. A part of me didn't want to believe it, maybe my mind was just making things up but this shirt looked so familiar and I knew it belonged to Daryl. Actually, it was me who found it in a store during a run, I liked it so much I grabbed it even when we weren't there for that and gave it to Daryl as a gift.
I brought the shirt close to my face and smelled it, it might be a bit disgusting especially because this shirt was really dirty and it did stink really bad but it was definitely Daryl's smell. This was his, he had been here, he didn't die back at the prison.
I fell to my knees and broke down into tears, I already was emotional because of the nursery thing so it didn't take me long to cry. I held the shirt close to me, in some way, it comforted me. Still with tears running down my face, I stood up and almost ran all the way to the kitchen, where I looked for a plastic bag. I found a white medium-sized one and put the shirt inside. There was no way I was going to leave the shirt but if I put it inside my backpack with the rest of my stuff, everything was just going to catch the smell and everything would stink too.
I didn't find any food or anything else that was worth it, Daryl probably took it all but what I found was more than enough, I had proof that Daryl was out there, alive, trying to survive and hopefully he wasn't alone. I walked out of the house with more hope than I had ever had since the prison was destroyed and as I did I saw Rick walking out of the house with a big plastic bag in his hands, seemed like he found something.
"Got four boxes of cereal, some beans cans and fruit," Rick said with a smile. "There were three trees in the garden, got oranges, apples and some bananas."
"That sounds delicious," I said with a smile that now matched Rick's. "Haven't eaten fruit in a while."
"Yeah and what did you get?"
"Uh." I bit my lip, I wasn't sure if I should tell Rick or not about my discovery.
"What?"
"Look, you might not believe me and think it's just me wanting to believe this," I started. "But I found Daryl's shirt. A brown one that I got him, I found it."
"Cecil..."
"I know... what are the odds, right? But I know, I would recognize that shirt anywhere and the sleeves are ripped out and... and it smells like him."
"It could be anyone's, you know that," Rick told me, looking at me with pity. He probably believed I was a poor girl that had started looking for signs anywhere when they really didn't exist, but they did exist.
"No, this was Daryl's, okay? I know."
"With everything that happened to you, with the..."
"Look," I said quickly. "I'm not unstable and making things up, I know it might be impossible to find him, Georgia is so big and he could be going in the opposite direction we are going but that shirt was his, he was in that house. I don't know how long ago but he was and don't look at me like that, I'm not crazy, I'm not losing my mind, I'm fine, Rick."
"Alright," he muttered with a nod, putting a hand over my shoulder.
"I know why you think I might be losing it but I'm not, I haven't even come to grips with it. I think about it and still don't believe it happened. I guess there will be a time to think about it and accept it did happen but now it's not the time. It's not the time to fall apart and mourn, not yet. What happened is what was supposed to happen and for now that works for me, okay?"
"Okay."
I turned around and started to walk back to the house, where Michonne and Carl were getting ready but I stopped and turned around again to face Rick, who hadn't moved at all, he was just looking at me with that same look of pity.
"And you don't have to get Michonne to talk to me, I hope you didn't tell her anything of what I told you the other day, I don't want her or Carl to know, or anyone else, if we find the others. If I need to talk, I'll talk to you, would that be alright?" I asked timidly.
"Of course," Rick said with a sad smile and a nod. He walked towards me and gave me a tight hug. "You can trust me, I'm just concerned about you."
"You shouldn't, I can handle it, Rick, at least for now. I just won't plump, you know? I can't allow myself to do that right now, we have to find a place to be safe, we need to focus on surviving not to worry about other stuff that aren't important right now."
"You are right, we will find some safe place and then if you want we can worry about that. We are going to talk about it more deeply and work things out," he said giving me another quick hug. "And just so you know I didn't say anything to Michonne, I promise."
"Okay," I whispered with a nod. "Let's go back, we need to leave soon."
Michonne and Carl were waiting for us in the living room with everything packed. I grabbed a second bag and with that we all left the house. This time we all walked next to each other, I walked next to Carl on my right and Michonne on my left, while Rick was next to Michonne, making small talk with her.
Unfortunately for us Rick wanted to go way too far, had to go through the woods again if we wanted to get there around a week faster, we debated but both the adults agreed on going, so even when Carl and I didn't want to get into the woods again and spend cold nights against a tree we had no choice but go.
"Cecilia?" Carl said as we sat by the fire on the second night on the woods.
"Yeah?"
"How did you see your first walker? Like, what happened?"
I looked at him a bit confused about the randomness of the question, it was so long ago I didn't even remember until now, back then I thought nothing was so bad and everything would go back to normal in a few days but of course that never happened.
"Uh, my dad wanted a couple of beers for him and some of his friends, they were watching a baseball game and nobody wanted to miss it, so my dad told me to get them some. I went to a gas station and..."
"Wait," he said quickly. "You weren't legal then, were you?"
"Fake ID," I said with a smirk and a proud shrug. "It said I was twenty-two and everyone believed it was true. Anyway, I went there and there was a big commotion two blocks down. So, I walked there and I saw what I thought it was a criminal, police were yelling at her to stop, but she kept going after them, it was weird. And other policemen were trying to get the people away, they probably knew a bit of what was happening and didn't want the public to know but the woman was getting closer to this man and he had to shoot her. I had never seen someone getting shot so I was a bit shaken by that, but then I realized the woman didn't even feel the shot, I just saw her keep walking and after several more shots I realized something was... just off. She was still alive and just as well as before she was shot."
"Were you scared?"
"No, I was just... disconcerted, I guess. All the way home I tried to find any kind of explanation to what happened, I thought maybe she had a bulletproof vest or something, or it was a scene in a movie and it wasn't real and everyone knew except me. Who would have thought that woman was dead and wanted to eat everyone there," I said. "I was hysteric when I got home, I tried to tell my parents what I saw, my father said I probably drank some of his beers and was seeing things. None of them believed me and my mum scolded me and sent me to my room because I made Sophia cry. After that I saw some videos online with similar things happening all over the country. I told Teresa and Oliver but they didn't believe something bad was happening. What about you?"
"We heard stuff on the news, I really didn't understand or care much about it but my mum was worried, especially since dad wasn't around. She called her parents and asked them to be safe, just in case. Days passed and one day my mum told me to pack some clothes that we were going on a trip but something was up by the look on her face. Shane went for us minutes later, told us something bad was happening, we needed to escape. On our way there, I saw two people attacking others, I saw one of them biting one on the arm, I thought I didn't see it clearly but now I know I did see that clearly and it wasn't just my mind."
"That must be horrible for a young boy."
"That wasn't the worst. I wanted to go for my dad, he was in the hospital in a coma. My mum said he died, so I was more affected by that than the 'violent' people on the streets."
"Want to know something?"
"Sure," he said, nodding.
"When I first met your dad, well kind of, I thought he was an idiot, I'm sorry but I did. We were in Atlanta, on that run and the city was infested with walkers, there were thousands of them and we had managed to go in unnoticed and then we heard some gunshots. Merle and I were on the rooftop making sure everything was okay outside while the others gathered supplies. The others ran to the roof, thinking Merle had shot me or something like that but it was just a man outside. He got inside a tank that conveniently was close to him and Glenn wanted to save him while all of us thought it was a suicide mission, turned out to be your dad."
Carl's expression turned from a happy one to a sad one. I thought he would be happy because Glenn was stupid and brave enough to save a stranger from many walkers but instead he looked so down, maybe it was because I mentioned Glenn.
"What is it?"
"Who went on that run, do you remember? I think I do but I'm not completely sure. You, Merle, Glenn, Andrea, T-Dog, who else?"
"Morales and Jacqui, I think it was just us."
"You realize five of them are dead, another one might be dead too and the other is next to me. That's sad."
"I know," I said sadly. "I didn't know some of them well, like T-Dog, but I truly miss Andrea and Merle and Glenn, whether he is dead or not."
"I miss them all, every one of them."
"Uh, want to know what else happened that day?" I asked Carl, wanting to change the subject, which was upsetting us both.
"Yeah, what happened?"
"Because of your dad we couldn't leave the building and if we didn't do anything we would die soon, the doors were made of glass. So we covered some white coats with some guts and blood from a walker, we went out to the street wearing those, Glenn, your dad and me, praying it would would work and it did, we smelled like them and Glenn actually tried to snarl, now that I think about it, it was funny but that day I was so scared to find it comical. Everything was going well until it started to rain."
"No way!" Carl exclaimed. "That's so unlucky."
"I know right, it could have rained some minutes later and everything would have been fine but no. Smell washed off and we barely made it to a ban and rescued the others."
"Seemed like I missed all the fun," Carl muttered, making us both laugh, earning the attention of Rick, who was awake too, Michonne was sleeping, Carl and I should be sleeping too but we couldn't.
"Hey, what are you laughing at?" Rick asked, taking a few steps towards us. He was holding his gun tightly in his hands.
"Cecilia was just telling me about the day she met you," Carl told him with a smile.
"Oh yeah, what did you tell him?"
"About the shots that almost costed all of our lives, how Glenn saved you and the fact I thought Glenn shouldn't risk his life for you but now I'm glad he did."
"Of course." He chuckled. "Carl, you should told her how we found the prison, if that's not hard."
"No, it's okay."
Carl started telling me how Rick and Daryl just stumbled upon the prison and they just had to make it theirs. Rick ran inside the courtyard as the others shot the walkers around to keep him alive and as the story continued Rick told me that my mum was trying to help too but she almost shot Rick, I laughed at that but then a sudden wave of sadness overwhelmed but Rick and Carl kept on with the story and I allowed the sadness to go.
Before we knew it the three of us started exchanging stories, mostly about the eight months we spent apart. I found out the group stayed at an abandoned hotel for three days and Carl really enjoyed the pool during those days and there was a lot of food. I told them that I came across the meanest girl back in high school, she even said she was surprised I had made it so long, she was bit when I found her, I guess the jerks have gotten what they deserve.
"Alright guys, we should sleep. I'll do your turn," Rick told us, we usually keep guard together. "Now go to sleep and we can keep up with the stories tomorrow."
"Well, that sounds better than walking through the woods in silence all day," I said. "Hopefully you can try to get Michonne to share something with us as well."
"What, me?" Rick asked surprised.
"Why not?"
"She knows you longer and better and if you can't make her to talk, why would I?"
"I don't know," I said with a shrug and a very little smirk, I'm sure none of them noticed it. "You are somewhat persuasive, you were a cop after all, you had to make bad people telling you stuff, right?"
"Not really but.."
"I know, the detectives had to question them, but I'm sure you made many people tell you things, maybe not just the bad people but the good people that were ashamed to say what happened, maybe? You just have to try, it would be nice if she opens up to us, you know?"
"It would be nice to know how she got that sword," Carl said with a smile.
"We can ask her that tomorrow, now go to sleep, both of you."
"Alright," Carl and I said at the same time just before we lied down on the ground. "Good-night."
"Sleep well," Rick said softly as he pecked both our foreheads.
I'm so sick guys!
I ran 10km yesterday and now I feel really sick. My mum doesn't believe it has something to do with it.
QOTD: Not counting the main characters, like Rick, Carl, Daryl, Glenn, Maggie, Michonne, Carol... who is your favourite character?