"Tell the truth, or someone will tell it for you."
– Stephanie Klein, Straight Up and Dirty
We had no idea where my mother was taking us, we all asked her but she refused to tell us. By now I was next to her and Daryl had stayed a bit behind with Glenn and Maggie. We went up a small hill and once at the top, I could see a small cottage and out was coming a corpulent man, I could only assume it was Tyreese, and when he turned around I saw it was indeed him, but that wasn't what made me gasp. He was holding Judith in his arms and as he went down the two steps of the cottage, I saw Mika behind him.
Rick instantly dropped her backpack and other stuff on the ground and ran to them, followed closely by Carl and Sasha, who was going to hug his brother. Rick took Judith in his arms and held her tightly, while Carl kissed his sister on the top of her head. Once Tyreese had given Judith to Rick, he was embraced by Sasha, who was crying out of happiness. Mika was coming to be with my mother but when she saw me, she smiled at me and instantly wrapped her small arms around me, before she stood right next to me, feeling safe around my mother, hell, even I felt safe around her now, which was something I never thought I would feel.
I felt tears filling my eyes when I saw Carl and Rick being reunited with Judith. They had such rough weeks thinking they had lost her forever, even I was truly affected after I saw her bloody carrier weeks ago. So not only I had reunited with a family member, it was a good day for all of us despite what we went through.
"Mum?"
"Yeah?" she said as she turned to look at me.
"Where's Axel?"
After I asked, her small smile vanished and she looked sadly at the ground, when Mika saw that, she grabbed my mother's hand in a reassuring way.
"He died about two weeks ago or a bit less," she told me at the verge of tears.
"I'm so sorry," I said sincerely.
I never liked Axel and never approved of their relationship but when I was told he chose to leave the prison to be with my mother when she was exiled, he earned my respect. It was then that I knew he truly loved her and by my mother's reaction she loved him back.
"It's okay."
As I looked at Mika I couldn't help but also wonder where Lizzie was, they were always together. I hated to think that she died too. I kept my gaze on Mika and noticed she wasn't the same friendly girl that was always smiling. Her eyes looked empty, she smiled when she saw me but after that she hadn't smiled again. She looked sad and even scared, I also noticed a cut that went down from her right shoulder, I couldn't see how deep or how long it was because of her clothes but I could tell it was recent, she didn't get that from the prison attack. I wanted to ask but right now it wasn't the time.
Daryl then finally approached me, he reached for my hand but at the slightest touch I jerked it away as I groaned, he looked at me questioningly with his eyebrows raised. I sighed and showed him my left hand, there were two big cuts on my palm and small ones around those two big ones and on some of my fingers.
"What the hell happened?" he exclaimed, horrified.
"It's nothing," I told him calmly, my mother also looked worriedly at me. It wasn't even that bad. "After the explosion, I had to make sure to not let my blade slip from my hand, it was my only way out. So I gripped it really tight so I ended up cutting myself, and as I tried to cut my ties I had to maneuver the blade and I ended up making a few cuts but it's no big deal."
"Why didn't you say anything?" Daryl exclaimed as my mother grabbed my hand to take a closer look at my cuts.
"We were in a place infested by walkers, what do you want me to do? Stop in the middle of the chaos and show you my cuts like if I were three?" I exclaimed.
"What about after?"
"It just slipped my mind, I just remembered now that I felt the pain." Daryl sighed. "It's nothing."
My mother reached inside her backpack, she found a small bandage so I wouldn't get dirt on it but unfortunately she didn't have alcohol or even water to clean my wound. So instead I just rubbed my hand on my shirt, removing some of the blood.
"When we find water, we'll clean that," my mother said as she bandaged my hand.
"It's no big deal," I repeated to the two of them but mostly to Daryl, who was looking at me in disbelief, like if I had cut one of my fingers off and I was in danger due to blood loss but that wasn't the case, Daryl just took a deep breath but said nothing to me.
After my mother was done bandaging my hand, I turned to look at The Grimes, and saw Rick thanking Tyreese for keeping Judith alive. I walked to them, feeling a bit irritated with both, my mother and my fiancé, and noticed Carl had tears in his eyes, when he saw me coming he smiled at me with such a big grin I hadn't seen in months. He hugged me and I hugged him back. Rick saw me with Carl and also smiled at me.
"Hey, Judith!" I said to the baby, earning her attention. "Hi! Do you remember me? I'm Lia."
"Lia, Lia, Lia!" Judith exclaimed happily and soon after that she extended her arms, wanting me to hold her. I looked at her surprised, she loved being in Rick's arms, besides, I didn't want to take her away from Rick, he hadn't even let her go to give her to Carl.
"Looks like she wants to be with you," Rick exclaimed with a smile.
"Yeah," I mumbled.
Rick handed her to me and I smiled as I took the blonde toddler in my arms, Carl stood close to me as he kept talking to Judith and smiling at her. Soon, Michonne also joined us and talked to Judith and even held her hand, which surprised me a lot, only a few months ago he couldn't even look at her, I guess she's finally moving on and letting go of her kid's death.
"I don't know if the fire is still burning," Rick muttered as he looked in front of him, where black smoke could be clearly seen, rising up to the sky.
"It is," my mother said.
"Yeah. We need to go," Rick exclaimed.
I guess the plan to go attacking them now was off now. Rick had just recovered his baby daughter, of course that all he wanted now was to leave, not start a war.
"Yeah, but where?" Daryl asked.
"Somewhere far away from there," Rick said as he took a final look at the smoke.
I smiled and slightly squeezed Judith one more time before giving her to Carl, who was dying to hold her. Rick went for his things that he had left behind to hold Judith, while everybody got ready to leave.
Glenn and Maggie were on the lead this time, followed by Tara, Carl, Michonne and Judith. I was behind them with Daryl next to me. Carol and Mika were behind us.
We kept walking until we reached the railroad tracks once again, we decided it was best to just follow them, we didn't even have a destination on mind. As we walked I saw one of those Terminus signs, I shuddered at the sight. I stopped on my tracks, just wondering how people could deceive hundreds of people to have them as meals. Everyone, including Daryl and my mother just kept walking while I just stayed there, staring at the sign.
Rick also stopped, he bent down and grabbed a rock, he crossed most of what was written there, and wrote a big 'No' above SANCTUARY. I nodded in approval.
"You okay?" he asked me, as we started walking again. "Something is bothering you, isn't it?"
"I can't stop thinking about it, when they were going to kill us. What would I have done will all of you gone?"
"You would have gotten revenge and kill them all," Rick told me.
"But then what? I wanted to save you and if it wasn't for my mother, you would..."
"It's not important now," Rick said quickly. "You tried, you earned us time by talking to Gareth. If you hadn't, Glenn and probably Daryl would be dead right now. It helped. Don't feel guilty about it."
"I just hope they know I wasn't trying to save just me, but all of us too."
"They do know," Rick assured me.
"How can you be so sure?"
"Because I know you wouldn't just save yourself, and I'm sure Glenn knows, and Daryl knows, he knows you better than anyone. And Bob... well, he was too scared to notice what was happening."
"You are probably right," I said chuckling.
"No one died, Cecilia," Rick told me, looking at me for the first time and slowing the pace a bit. "Whatever happened, it's okay now. And Carol, Judith, Tyreese and Mika are with us now."
"Yeah," I said with a faint smile.
"Come on!" Rick said as he put an arm around my shoulders.
Rick and I stayed on the very back of the group for more than an hour, we talked about stuff that had happened in the last few weeks, but this time we focused mostly on the positive things.
"What are you going to do about Tara?" I asked him.
"Nothing," he told me. "She really didn't do anything, she didn't want to be there. She helped Glenn."
"She helped me," I said. "Back at Terminus, a walker almost got me but she killed it just on time. I wanted to tell you to give her a chance."
"I will," he told me.
Not long after that, Rick accelerated the pace, he wanted to be with Carl and Judith. I stayed behind, but when they noticed I was all on my own on the back, Abraham and Rosita smiled at me and stopped so I could catch up with them.
"So, is that your mum?" Rosita asked with an impressed smile to make conversation.
"Yeah, she is," I told her.
"She's really cool," she told me, I only nodded at her, if she knew how she was before she wouldn't say that.
"I hadn't seen her in like three or four months," I told her. I could tell she wanted to ask me why I hadn't seen her in so long but she refrained from it.
"Then what are you doing here? Go with her!" Abraham exclaimed.
"No, not yet," I told him. "We'll have time for that."
"Alright, suit yourself."
I looked behind my shoulder and saw the black smoke still going up the sky, I wasn't sure how many people had survived the attack, I didn't know if the people still alive would be able to leave with all those walkers around but a part of me wished they wouldn't, that way they wouldn't be able to go after us and that threat would end.
As we walked Rosita asked me about my relationship with Glenn after she told me how they bumped into him and Tara and told me how stubborn he was about going looking for Maggie. I told her we had met since the very start, that we had a camp just out of Atlanta when things weren't as bad. I told her that since Glenn used to deliver pizza back in the day he knew almost every corner of the city, so he used to go on runs at least once a week and I was his companion, and we bonded quickly because of that.
Later, we stopped to rest and eat something. Tyreese handed Rick a bottle he had for Judith in his things, Carl told Rick he wanted to feed her. Rick smiled as he handed his son the bottle.
I just stayed there, watching everyone when I noticed Tara close to Glenn, she had stuck close to him all this time. I took a deep breath and walked towards her, when she noticed I wasn't going to join Daryl, who I had passed by, or even going with my mum but to her, she started to fidget on her spot and looked at the ground as she played with her hair.
"Hey," I exclaimed, making her look up at me for a moment before she looked away.
"Hi," she mumbled, still really nervous.
"I didn't have the chance to thank you back there," I told her, making her look at me once again, but this time she looked really surprised. "I just wanted to thank you, that thing would have bit me if it weren't for you."
"Uh, right," she said nervously. "It's okay, don't even mention it."
"It's fine, you know?" I told her. "You don't have to be so nervous around me."
"Or me." I heard from behind me, I turned around and saw Rick. "You didn't want to be there. That's why I tried to talk to you," he told her. "Glenn told me you saved his life."
"He saved mine," she said timidly.
"That's how it works with us, right?"
"Right," she said with a smile that she was part of that 'us'. I smiled too. "Hey," she exclaimed, quickly lifting a fist up. Rick looked at her first for a short moment before he chuckled and pumped his own fist with hers.
"Get something to eat," he told her and then looked at me. "You too. We'll start back at sun-up."
"You heard him," I told her. "Gotta eat something."
I turned around when she stopped me, she raised her closed hand at me, just as she did with Rick. I nodded at her before I smiled. I did the same and pumped her fist, I nodded again before I turned around once again, and walked towards Daryl.
"Want to go hunting?" he asked me, not even bothering to look up at me. "We will still have around two hours of sunlight if we leave now."
"Sure," I said with a smile. "Let's go."
There really wasn't enough food for all of us, we were seventeen people, counting Judith. My mother and Tyreese, who were now nowhere to be seen, had some food but if we didn't find anything quickly it would be over soon.
As I grabbed my crossbow, which I had left on the ground next to my backpack, I looked at Mika, now that my mum and Tyreese were gone, she stayed close to Rick and Carl. Rick was talking to her, he smiled at her but she wasn't, whatever happened to her, had traumatized her and changed her.
"Alright, let's go!" Daryl said with a smile.
Daryl told Rick where we were going and how long we would take, Rick wasn't too happy with the idea but all he said to us was to be careful, people from Terminus could be around. We told him we would be before we both walked away from the large group.
Our walk was quiet at first, nobody said nothing for probably twenty or thirty minutes, and for the first time, as the minutes passed by, the silence was getting rather uncomfortable, the atmosphere was a bit tense and I hated feeling like that.
I was a bit ahead of him when I felt his hand softly on my right shoulder, I turned to look at him quickly. He brought his index fingers to his lips, motioning me to stay quiet and then with that same finger he pointed somewhere on my left. I looked at the place and seconds later I saw a big, fat raccoon. I nodded at him and let him take two steps forward so he would be in a better position to shoot, while I stayed on my spot, knowing me, I knew that if I moved I would probably scare the animal away.
Daryl then raised his crossbow a bit, narrowed his eyes for only a second before he took the shot. The arrow perfectly hit the animal right in its head, making it fall dead on the ground with a loud thud. Daryl went to pick it up, putting it inside a bag he had brought after he retrieved his arrow.
After that we continued in complete silence, this time I was behind him. I tried to stop thinking about this awkwardness between us and instead look for animals and have an eye open for the people of Terminus, just in case they escaped and were around.
"You hear that?" Daryl asked me as he stopped walking and signalled me to stop as well.
"What?" I asked him.
"Come on," he said, starting to walk towards the right.
I followed him until I saw what he had heard, it was a river. He knelt by the shore, cupped his hands and splashed some water on his face, then he drank some. Since it was water that wasn't stuck, like in a lake or pond, we assumed it was safe to drink some of it without boiling it. So I knelt next to him, ready to drink too when he stopped me by grabbing my hand, I only gave him a questioning look.
He looked from my eyes to my hand, which was the bandaged one. He slowly removed the bandage and put it inside his pocket, then he slowly and carefully cleaned my wounds. I admit that the cut right in the middle of my palm was a bit deep and hadn't stopped bleeding but I still didn't know why Daryl freaked out when he saw my hand earlier. I had been stabbed and had worse wounds.
"Had to clean that, right?" he muttered as he looked at my hand, making sure it was completely cleaned.
Daryl then grabbed the bandage and slowly re-wrapped it around my left hand again. I was a bit surprised at how delicate he could be. I couldn't help but smile at him.
"Thanks," I muttered when he was done and let go of my hand.
"No problem."
He stood up, grabbed his crossbow and was ready to leave but I stayed on the ground, I still hadn't drank anything. I didn't want to get my bandage wet, though, that could be really antigenic, so instead of cupping my hands together like Daryl did, I brought my face closer to river until I could reach it with my mouth, and started drinking. I drank until I felt like I couldn't drink anymore.
I dried my mouth with my sleeve just before I stood up, grabbed my crossbow as well and started walking, Daryl followed me in silence, he was only about three steps behind me. I looked up at the trees, looking for squirrels, birds, even lizards so we could eat them but I saw nothing for the next ten or fifteen minutes.
"Cecilia," I heard Daryl saying softly from behind me. I stopped in my tracks but didn't turn to look at him, I just closed my eyes tightly. "Look, I know this might be hard but we need to talk about..."
"I'm not pregnant," I exclaimed quickly as I turned around to face him. His lips parted slightly and his eyes got twice as big.
A part of me always knew that he intentionally brought me all the way here, away from everyone else to talk about this. I knew the second he asked me without looking me right in the eye and the way things were tense between us just confirmed it, I just didn't know when he was going to bring it up, he waited more than I expected.
"What?" Daryl exclaimed in disbelief after he recovered from my statement.
"I am not pregnant, Daryl," I repeated. I bit my bottom lip out of nerves and started to play with the bandage on my hand. "So now you can stop worrying about it and stop treating me like if I'm made of porcelain, okay?"
"If you aren't, then why did you say you were back there?"
"It was the only thing I could come up with," I said with a shrug. "I thought that kind of information could soften Gareth a bit, I hoped it would work and it did. I'm sorry if I made you believe that and for not clearing it up earlier."
"Okay," he mumbled. "Uh, good, I guess. Right."
Daryl shook his head, he looked relieved and glad that I was in fact not pregnant but at the same he also looked rather disappointed, which made me wonder what would have he said and do if I was? Would he want me to keep it or vote for me to abort it?
Daryl also bit his lips as he looked down at the ground, he took a deep breath before he started walking, passing past me. I sighed as he did, I stayed immobile for a few seconds, feeling devastated.
"But Daryl," I exclaimed quickly as I turned around to face him, making him stop walking. "Just because I am not pregnant right now doesn't mean I wasn't before."
He turned to look at me with an even more shocked expression. He looked at me like if I had told him one of the hardest riddles he had ever heard of, like if I had told him something that didn't make sense at all. He took some steps towards me, looking me right in the eye, expecting some kind of answer from me but I felt how a lump was forming in my throat and I knew that if I talked I would break, so I stayed quiet.
"What?" Daryl exclaimed in complete astonishment. "What did you say?"
"I was pregnant," I whispered, not daring to look at him as I talked. "I'm sorry."
Daryl angrily threw his crossbow to the ground, making me slightly jump from the noise and at his outburst. He took deep breaths and he started to pace as he ran his hands through his head and long hair, while I just stayed on my spot, my legs were shaking and I felt like if I moved on the slightest I would surrender under my own weight and fall down.
"So... you fucking got rid of it without even telling me!?" he shouted at me as he stopped right in front of me. He had never shouted at me this way or this loud, I flinched and unconsciously took a step back, still not daring to look him in the eye. "Without even bothering to discuss it together?"
So that's why he was so furious. I really wasn't sure before why he had gotten so upset and it only broke my heart more when he said those words. My eyes filled with tears, making me lower my head even more.
"Huh?" I shook my head. "Did you, Cecilia?"
"No," I mumbled.
"You didn't?" Daryl incredulously asked me in such a tone that I knew he didn't believe me. He kept shouting at me, he even incriminated me of things I didn't while I kept denying it but he didn't hear me, he just kept shouting and shouting, being consumed by anger.
"I lost it, Daryl!" I suddenly shouted, getting sick of his attitude.
I looked up at him and saw how his expression softened at my words. He looked down to the ground, he took a deep breath and then looked up at me. He walked towards me until he was right in front of me, once again I looked away from him, not having the guts to look into those blue eyes.
"Cecilia," he said softly. "Why didn't you tell me? Darling, please talk to me."
Daryl hesitantly wrapped his hands around my waist, bringing me close to him. I closed my eyes tightly, feeling like crying but not wanting to break down right now. I slightly pulled back to look at his face, I cleared my throat, ready to tell him.
"It happened after the prison thing, that's why I didn't tell you. Don't think I wanted to keep it from you," I told him. "It wasn't like that."
"So... you didn't know before we were attacked?"
"No," I said shaking my head. "I had my suspicions and I was planning to go on a run and get some tests when all that happened, so I never really had the chance to find out."
"What happened?" he asked me. "After the attack."
"I started getting these really painful cramps and that night, I noticed I had started to bleed," I told him as I looked down at the ground as I remembered those horrible days. "At first I believed it was normal, that it was nothing, that it was going to be okay, but it didn't."
"How, uh, how do yo-you, I mean, how did you know... that it was your, uh, normal... that it wasn't normal?" Daryl asked me, getting really awkward. "Like how do you know you were in fact... pregnant? Know what I mean?"
"Well, I didn't really have any symptoms, like morning sickness or anything like that but that pain wasn't normal," I said, understanding what he was trying to tell me. How could I know that the cramps just weren't part of a normal period cycle instead of a miscarriage. "I almost never get cramps and they last no more than four days, I was like that for around two weeks and I just knew... like I felt different afterwards... can't explain, I just felt different."
Daryl took a deep breath and when I looked up at him, I saw his eyes had watered. He tightened his grip on me and kissed the top of my head, at that gesture the first tear fell out of my eye. I wiped it quickly as I buried my face in his chest.
"I was so scared," I admitted in a shaky voice, it felt good to get it out. Rick knew what had happened but I hadn't gotten into details with him and I put up a strong face for everyone's sake. "I didn't know what to do."
"Didn't you tell anyone?"
"Not at first, no," I said. "I couldn't. When we got to that house, Rick just fell unconscious, he was for a whole day and Carl is just a boy, what would he be able to do?"
"What about Michonne?"
"She wasn't with us yet, I tried to keep it under control and act normal and then, exactly the day Rick was unconscious, well, that was the worst day." I stopped because my voice broke at the end. "The pain was almost unbearable and I just kept bleeding, it wasn't stopping and for a moment I really thought I was going to die, I was so scared and there was no one that could help me."
"Shh, it's okay now," Daryl muttered, I had started crying by then, I remembered how terrified I was, and the pain, and how hopeless I was feeling. "It's okay."
"I had to tell Rick, I asked him to not tell Carl, he was really bad about his sister that I didn't want him to get more bad news, you know? He helped me a lot," I told him. "After we escaped from that house, after we killed those men, Rick and I told Michonne and Carl we were looking for some medicine while we sent them to the store in front of it, and got some stuff because I just kept bleeding and some pills for the pain, and also got five pregnancy tests, he told me his sister had gone through the same and that if after those weeks the results came coming back positive, then that was bad news, because my body hadn't gotten rid of everything and I would need a surgery or something like that."
"Okay," Daryl said a bit confused. "And what happened?"
"I took one that same day, maybe around eights days had happened since everything started and it was positive," I told him as I finally looked up at him again. "I took a second test about another eight days later and it was positive too, I thought maybe what Rick said was going to happen to me, with my luck anything could happen, or maybe I didn't really lose it but I took a third test three days later and it finally was negative. I was out of danger, which was a relief."
"Why didn't you tell me all of this before?"
"I don't know, I just didn't know how to bring it up and when we met, well it wasn't the best way to see each other again, we had such a bad night and the next day I just kept thinking how I would tell you and we got to Terminus and got locked up in that thing, but I really wanted to tell you, I did," I told him as more tears fell down my face, which Daryl wiped away this time, before he wrapped me in his arms again. "Carl and Michonne don't know yet and I hope no one knows either, I have to tell Glenn that I lied back there and probably Bob."
"Why didn't you tell Michonne?"
"Maybe a part of me didn't want to believe it, or I just wanted to forget it, not reliving it. I just didn't want to think about it anymore, like you have no idea what I went through those days."
Daryl then moved his hands to my face again, wiping more tears, this time not only my tears but a couple of his as well and then cupped my face just before he tenderly pecked my lips, and then he just kept his forehead against mine. We kept like that for a couple of minutes until I pulled away and walked away from him.
"But it's okay," I told him as I reached for my crossbow, a feeling of inner coldness ran through me and no more tears were threatening to fall down. "It's the way it should have been."
"What do you mean?"
"We couldn't have had it, Daryl."
"Why not?" Daryl asked me softly.
"Seriously? When it happened I believed Judith was dead, I thought that kids don't really survive in this world and I still think that, so we just got saved from a lot of pain and suffer," I told him as I turned to look at him. "And if I had it that would only mean losing you."
"What?" Daryl asked confused. "What are you talking about? Why would you lose me?"
"Remember when my sister and I got lost?" I asked and Daryl nodded. "You did everything you could to find us, remember? You almost died for who? Two girls you didn't even know, two girls that weren't your responsibility, two girls you only met what, two, three months ago?"
"But it paid off, I found you."
"Yeah but my point is that if you did all that for people you didn't even care about, what would you be willing to do for your own child? You would do everything and honestly, I don't know what I would do without you."
"Why do you think that having a baby would instantly mean I would die?" he asked me as he approached me. "Rick has two kids to look after and they are still alive. He still is as well."
"And what if I die, Daryl?" I asked him. "Something like what happened to Lori could happen to me."
"Don't even say that!" he snapped.
"It could. But seriously why are we even arguing about it? It's gone now, whether we want it or not, it just wasn't meant to be. Do you want to keep hunting or go back to camp?"
"I don't even know," he told me as he finally recovered, he wasn't expecting that kind of question. Not after all we talked about.
We still had about an hour left until we had to go back with the others, so even when we weren't going hunting I just headed a different direction, I didn't want to see the rest of them yet. I was a mess right now and I wanted to be alone but Daryl would never let me wander these woods on my own, not now.
Daryl slowly followed me, he was still astonished at everything I told him and I don't blame him, Rick was just as stunned when I informed him the reason why I hadn't gone out with Carl to kill the walkers the day before, why Carl went on his own to look for food, I knew he was upset for letting him go on his own even when he never mention it and after that he stopped being upset about it and he understood my weird behaviour around them, why I kept keeping to myself and why I was getting those 'stomach aches' I kept complaining about, and I was glad that even when he couldn't do anything to stop it, at least I had his support and his help in what he could do, like getting me pain killers, telling me things to make feel feel better and just have a shoulder to cry on or tell me reassuring things when I got those horrible cramps.
Again, everything got very silent. None of us said a single word and for a moment I truly thought I had ruined things with Daryl, which only broke my heart even more but as we kept walking I felt him slowly slipped his hand in mine, intertwining our fingers. I smiled and looked up at him, he smiled back at me, he lifted our hands and softly kissed the back of mine. I nodded and smiled even more and kept walking like that, this time in a comfortable silence.
So, now the whole truth is out. What do you think about it? Did you see it coming? What do you think will happen now between them?
Just yesterday I published a new video on my channel, it's some sort of intro to it. If you would like to watch it, here's the link.
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