A/N: This is based on one of the last chapters already published. Originally it was written on Carl's POV and only a few parts on Cecilia's. This chapter is only on Cecilia's POV so all of you can have a better idea of what was going on with Cecilia after the prison attack.

"Life is fragile.

Be cautious in life."

- Lailah Gifty Akita

Several weeks ago -

Rick, Carl and I had just spent the night on the woods after the Governor attacked us and we were lucky to find a decent house free of walkers to stay for a few days.

After I talked to Carl about his horrible behaviour towards his father I went to the master bathroom. I looked at my reflection. My hair was all over the place, my clothes were dirty and I had holes on my trousers around my knees. The woman had busted my lip and I had dried blood around there and my jaw, which was bruised too.

I removed my shirt and took a look at the damage. My whole stomach was bruised like I had seen earlier but now that I was looking at it on the mirror the bruise seemed even bigger and more purple. I also had small bruises on my shoulders, upper back and arms. My knuckles were bloody as well, all of me was a complete mess but we had more important things to worry about, so I just put my hair in a high somewhat messy bun and washed my face with water and some soap I managed to find, cleaning my wounds and the dry blood.

Then I remembered something. I pulled my jeans and underwear down and sat on the toilet. I looked down at my underwear and saw a bit more blood than what I saw last night on the woods.

It was only a couple of drops last night, so there was nothing to worry about, my period was starting, at the most inconvenient time but nothing to worry about, except for the cramps and pain in my stomach, right?

The blood still wasn't much, it didn't even go through to my jeans which was good. I finished quickly and looked inside the drawers, trying to find pads or tampons, whatever that could be helpful now. And all I found was an opened box of tampons. I sighed. I needed to look for more and it seemed that the mother was the only woman that lived here.

I quickly went downstairs, I needed to look for more stuff and soon. We only had a few hours of daylight left and even when I could leave it for tomorrow, I didn't know what tomorrow could bring, it would be better to be prepared.

"I'm going out," I said to Rick when I saw him. "I'll go look for food and water."

I left the house before Rick could argue with me, I knew that if I told him the truth he would just feel awkward and would let me go anyway, knowing I needed those stuff. I left my crossbow back at the house but I took my gun with me and I got a knife from the first house I looked, but that's all I got from that house.

It took me three hours to look in fifteen or so houses, I had found some useful stuff but barely any food. I didn't really look for food in the last few houses to be honest. Some things, like my period and reoccurring cramps were the only thing on my mind at the moment.

On the eight or ninth house I searched, I came across a nursery. It deeply saddened me because of Judith, it made it all worse the room was painted pink. I rushed to the master bedroom and did find some pads and tampons there. I was walking out of the master bedroom when a thought hit me, right when I glanced back at the now closed nursery.

I had been worried about the possibility of being pregnant for the last two or three weeks, I didn't have any symptoms, no morning sickness, no cravings, no tenderness, no nothing, but I hadn't had my period in a while, that wasn't uncommon, though. Sometimes I go two or three months without getting my period, probably due to my low weight and low body fat percentage, because of the exercise plus all the starving periods we have gone through.

I hadn't even thought about the possibility about being pregnant until I kept having this recurring dream about me being it and sometimes of me holding a baby in my arms and it wasn't like it couldn't be possible. There had been a few times Daryl and I hadn't used a condom.

So, if that was the case, that meant this wasn't a period and the cramps I kept getting every couple of hours or sometimes more often, were not just normal cramps. I never thought they were normal since I never have cramps with my period but I thought that maybe I got them because of the stress and all that.

When I reunited with Carl and Rick, I said next to nothing. All this situation kept going in circles in my mind, how could I tell the difference between a normal period and a miscarriage? I had no idea and if it wasn't just a period then there was nothing for me to prevent it from happening.

By now it was already dark, we had covered and closed all windows and doors, and put a big sofa against the front door. I was sat on it while Carl and Rick were arguing again, Carl didn't want to eat and Rick kept telling him to just do it.

"I was just going to tell you that I was going to sleep upstairs," I said, standing up. Rick had left the room in a very angry mood. "Maybe in the room we talked earlier."

"Why aren't you staying here with us?"

"Honestly? I don't want to sleep on the floor," I lied.

"You could sleep with me," Carl told me shyly.

"Do you want me to sleep with you?" I asked as I raised my eyebrows at him.

"My dad and I will sleep here and like you said, there's nowhere else you could sleep besides the floor," Carl said as he played with his fingers. "You shouldn't be on your own."

"Alright," I said with a chuckle. "I'll just go upstairs and bring a blanket."

I ruffled Carl's hair as I passed past him, he finally put his hat down, he hadn't stopped wearing it since the Governor attacked us.

I rushed upstairs and went inside the master bedroom and grabbed two blankets from there plus a big, soft pillow. I was going back down when I got another sharp pain in my stomach. I had to stop in my tracks, hold my stomach like I could, I was still carrying the blankets and the pillow, and closed my eyes tightly as I waited for it to pass. I silently counted and this time the pain lasted around the double, which I really didn't like. It was getting worse instead of improving.

Once the pain was gone, I pushed it to the back of my mind and continued my way downstairs. Carl had already put the sheets by then, I threw the pillow at him and set one blanket on the couch so Rick could use it once he was back. Carl helped me put the blanket and together we got under it, resting our heads on the nice pillow.

One of the reasons why I didn't want to sleep with them besides that I needed some space and time alone to think, was because I didn't want any 'period' accidents to happen in my sleep, especially when Carl was right next to me, maybe I could sneak out and go upstairs once he was asleep.

"I'm glad you're alive," Carl told me, looking right into my light blue eyes. "I'm glad that from all the possibilities, you ended up with us... with me."

"Carl," I said with a big smile. "You have no idea how happy I am that I found you in that chaos and that I'm here with you."

"Even when you're not with Daryl?"

"I promised you I'd never leave you again, didn't I?" I exclaimed. "Besides, you need me now."

"Yeah," he admitted. "Thanks!"

"For what?"

"For keeping your promise," he told me with a big smile.

"You don't have to thank me for that," I told him before I kissed the top of his head. "Now let's sleep, alright?"

"Good-night, Cici."

"Good-night, Carl," I told him. I think I did fall asleep before him.

I woke up a bit before dawn, I was too comfortable I didn't want to move but I was glad I woke up earlier than anticipated because if not, there would have been an accident.

Unfortunately, the bleeding had intensified and to me, that didn't look normal, it was heavier than my normal periods or maybe it was just me being paranoid.

After spending about two hours upstairs just worrying, I went back down to the kitchen. I sat on a stool and attempted to eat but when I tried, I just felt like throwing up. I rested my elbows on the table and supported my head with my hands, I was hit by another cramp. I closed my eyes tightly and waited for it to pass, then I looked up and stared out the window and not long after that I heard steps getting closer to me. I turned around quickly to see Carl, I flashed him a small smile, he took a while but he smiled back at me eventually, he looked concerned about me.

He grabbed three bowls and spoons, and set them on the table before he sat down in front of me. He served some cereal in the three bowls and then pushed one in my direction. I only shook my head at the boy.

"What?" he asked confused.

"I'm not hungry," I muttered.

"That's not possible," he told me, pushing the bowl even closer to me. "We haven't eaten in days, have some."

"I'll eat later," I told him with a heavy sigh. "Save it for me."

"Cici, you..."

"I'm not feeling well," I finally admitted. "I'll see if the shower works, maybe that will help me."

"Alright," he said in defeat.

I pushed the stool back and stood up, but when I did I felt dizzy and some more pain. I put a hand over my stomach and almost ran out of the room and up the stairs, I didn't want to worry Carl even more.

Once inside the bathroom, I took my time to get undressed and turned the faucet of the water. A part of me wanted a relaxing bath even when I knew the water would be cold and another part of me just wanted it because I didn't want to face Rick or Carl right now.

When I took off my jeans I saw a blood stain, which really freaked me out. I changed my pad not long ago, so that shouldn't had happened. I grabbed my underwear and jeans and made them into a ball, and put them in the garbage can, I should remember to take them out of the house so no one sees them.

When the tub was one fourth full with water, I got in and slowly sat down. It was cold but it was nice as well. I waited for it to get full and then I turned the faucet again and lied down and closed my eyes, I needed to relax, I needed some time to myself.

Minutes later I had this very, very sharp cramp on my stomach that actually made me cry out and sit up. Usually, they are strong but I can pretend I don't have them but this one had been the strongest so far. I started to cry then, I was scared and I wasn't sure what exactly was happening.

I had only been here for less than thirty or forty minutes and when I opened my eyes, all I saw was red water, like if this was a crime scene. Everything was so full of blood, it made me sick and a bit faint. I cried harder at the sight.

I hugged my knees and cried, right now I really wished my mum was here or even Hershel or Bob, who were doctors. If this was a miscarriage, how could I know this was normal and I wasn't slowly bleeding out? I felt so sick of being in the water that now was so red but I couldn't just get rid of that water and fill the tub again, we didn't have that luxury anymore.

So I lied down again, still crying my heart out. I didn't even try to be quiet because I could hear Carl yelling to Rick downstairs so they probably couldn't hear me. And the worst part was that I was terrified but that wasn't the only reason why I was crying, but I didn't know exactly those reasons.

"Please make it stop," I whispered as another cramp hit me. I held my stomach as I curled into a ball.

I wasn't sure how much I cried, but when they finally ceased, I could no longer hear anything from downstairs and I was so exhausted. I was so tired I wanted to fall asleep right there and then.

I came back to reality when I heard the knob being turned, but I had locked the door so no one did get in. I think I did fall asleep, at least for a few minutes, I sat up quickly as I heard knocks on the door.

"Cici?" I heard Carl's voice softly muttering from the other side of the door.

"Yeah?" I choke out, my voice was very raspy from all the crying.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm good."

"There were walkers outside, I killed them."

I took a very deep breath, I was supposed to protect Carl and I didn't even hear those walkers. And the least I wanted was Carl having to protect me and worry about me.

"Are you sure you are okay? I could help if something's up."

"I'm good... I'm just..." I cleared my throat before speaking again after I noticed my voice was breaking. "... sad, I guess. I miss them."

"I miss them too. Hey, I'm going out to bring more supplies, want to come?"

I was going to reply when I got another sharp pain on my lower stomach, I bit my lip so no sound would come out of my mouth and waited for it to go away. I knew I couldn't go out like this, I needed to rest at least a few more hours, wanted it or not.

"Not now, can you wait a bit?"

"Uh, I, uh... sure. What are you even doing in there?"

"I'm taking a bath."

"You serious?"

"I won't take much longer," I told Carl. "I just needed... I don't know, just some time alone."

"Okay," he mumbled. "If you need me, just call."

As soon as I heard Carl walking away, I burst into tears once again. I wanted to tell him what was wrong with me, but he was just a kid, what would he be able to do? Besides, he just lost his little sister, he didn't need more things to worry about.

I spent several more minutes in the tub, maybe even another hour until I decided it was enough. I just ran some more water on my body and the tub so all trails of blood would go down the drain. I grabbed a towel and wrapped it around my body. I walked to the closet and tried on some clothes from the mother but her clothes were too big for me, I only kept her underwear on and went to the boy's room and put on a pair of jeans, they were a bit short but around the waist, they were better than the mother's.

I went downstairs after I got dressed and called for Carl, I didn't get an answer. I walked into the living room and saw Rick in the very same position he was when I woke up. I got closer to him and made sure he was breathing before I looked for Carl, I didn't find him anywhere.

Knowing he actually left without me, I went outside. I looked for him on the streets in around fifteen houses when I realized this was in vain. I was scared for him but I knew I would never find him, so I went back to the house and waited for him.

I grabbed another blanket and put it on top of Rick's body, I talked to him for a bit but he didn't wake up or anything. After a while, I remembered I needed to get rid of my bloody clothes, so I went upstairs, grabbed them, put them inside a plastic bag and took them outside, then left them somewhere Carl or Rick wouldn't find them and then I went upstairs and lied down on the bed.

And it was then when it finally hit me. I knew deep inside of me that this was in fact a miscarriage. I just knew. It wasn't until now that I felt different, it's hard to explain but I just felt different, kind of like empty and like something had changed in me, I couldn't even explain it.

I got into a fetal position, not wanting to move. I think that even if there were walkers that wanted to eat me, I wouldn't have moved. I just wanted a break from all of this. I hugged myself as I just asked for all of this to just stop.

I didn't even realize when Carl walked in until he lied down on his side in front of me, I glanced at him quickly and he just offered me a small smile. I think about another hour had passed since I stopped crying because I had no more tears and I was too exhausted to just keep crying. Carl scooted closer to me and wrapped an arm around my midsection, when he did that I felt like breaking down again, so I took a deep breath to control myself and instead of focusing of my problems I told Carl I knew he had left on his own.

"Your dad hasn't woken up all day?" I asked him.

"No." I was worried about that, I knew he took a really bad beating. "He'll wake up. He has too."

"Let's hope so," I whispered.

"Anyway, how are you? Do you feel any better?"

" A bit," I said, forcing a smile on my lips. "I'm sorry for being so absent today."

"You needed it, I understand."

Carl and I stayed on the bed for almost two hours, until it got dark, then I fell asleep, mostly out of exhaustion from all the crying and worrying so much, and well, the pain also took a toll on me.

When I woke up I noticed I had a blanket over me, Carl had put it over me and he was nowhere to be seen now. I walked down the stair and saw Rick on the kitchen. I waved at him just before I sat on a stool. Last night I woke up around midnight, both of them were on the floor so I dragged Carl to the cushions he used to sleep the night before and tried to get Rick on the sofa but couldn't, so just dragged him to a carpet, almost next to Carl.

"You okay?" Rick asked me.

I was going to lie, even joke that I was way better than him but instead I broke down. I tried hard to stop but the tears kept coming down. Rick rushed to my side, he grabbed the other stool, put it in front of me and sat as he embraced me.

"It's okay, things are going to be okay. I know it's hard, with the prison and all but we might find the rest and..."

"It's not that," I mumbled as I pulled away from his embrace and looked directly at his eyes.

"Then what is it?"

I bit my lip not knowing how to tell Rick but I knew I had to, somehow. Rick was the only adult here and I needed to tell someone. Maybe he couldn't do anything but he could give me moral support and assure me that I was not going to die from blood loss.

"Carl isn't awake, is he?" I asked and Rick shook his head. "Rick, now I know why I'm having those stomach cramps... I, uh, I'm having a miscarriage."

"What?" Rick almost shouted, more tears fell down my face, I hadn't said it out loud and now it seemed more real and more painful. "You... you are pregnant?"

"I didn't even know!" I exclaimed as I wiped away my tears. "But this isn't normal, Rick."

Rick seemed really freaked out by my confession, he stood up and paced the room as he ran his hands through his already messy hair. I looked down at the floor as I cried.

"I'm scared," I admitted in a very low voice, but Rick heard me.

"Don't worry, we'll work this out. You are gonna be fine, I promise," he assured me as he sat down in front of me again and grabbed my hands. "Everything will be fine."
Rick then continued with telling me that his sister had had a miscarriage, he told me we needed to get some pregnancy tests and some pills for the pain. He told me that I could do one test now and check if it came out positive and then do another one in two weeks or so, and if it comes back negative, then I had nothing to worry about, means my body got rid of everything.

He also told me all I could do was wait for it to be over, all of this could last up to two weeks. He also assured me we wouldn't leave this house until everything was over and that he wouldn't say a word to Carl unless I wanted him to know.

Rick kept saying cheerful words and assuring me everything was going to be okay, even told me how sorry he was about 'my loss' when he just looked up behind me and stopped talking immediately.

"Everything okay?"

"Yeah," Rick said to Carl. "Cecilia was just talking to me, go back to the other room, we'll be back there."

"How will we get those stuff without Carl suspecting something?" I asked once he was out of the room.

"I could go on my own and you stay here with him."

"No, absolutely not. You were unconscious for a whole day, that's out of the question."

Rick and I kept discussing things and didn't really come up with a plan, but he assured me we would find a way. Then we both got up and joined Carl.

"Are you okay?" Rick asked me. We were inside a pharmacy, waiting for the pregnancy test time, Carl and Michonne were trying to find some more food on a store nearby. "I can look for you if you want."

I nodded at Rick, I didn't even know why I was so nervous, if the test was positive then it meant I did have a miscarriage not that I was pregnant anymore, the hormones are still a mess for a while after a miscarriage so that's why the tests won't be negative until around two weeks later.

"It's positive."

"I already knew it would be positive," I muttered.

A normal period for me lasts only three days without pain or minimal pain, this had lasted about a week with excruciating pain and it didn't seem like it was going to be over today or tomorrow.

I hadn't cried since that day, since I told Rick about it. I had been telling myself that I wasn't going to die and that it was okay because months ago I thought that if I ever do get pregnant, I would have an abortion, I couldn't have a baby in this world, plus I never wanted to have a baby, never, ever since I was around twelve I made up my mind about that. It's better to lose a baby naturally than killing it, I suppose. Or that's what I told myself.

Ever since I stopped crying, since I started saying that everything was okay, Rick had become even more concerned about me.

"I'm sorry," Rick said, rubbing my back.

"I'm fine, I just wanted to make sure," I said emotionless.

"Cecilia, I think you..."

"I'm fine," I repeated quickly. "I'll just take the pain killers and then let's meet Michonne and Carl."

Rick didn't say anything else but he looked at me with concern and even pity, I shrugged all that off and took the pills quickly and put the rest in my bag for the next few days.

Thankfully, the cramps weren't as often or painful anymore, they were bearable and once they were gone for good plus the bleeding, I could leave all of this behind for good and move on with my life.

Okay guys, I guess this chapter wasn't what you guys hoped for but I hoped it helped with the storyline, knowing what was happening with Cecilia because some 'chapters ago' I only showed what Carl lived or what he saw, he knew there was something going on with Cecilia but didn't know what or how bad it was.

Next chapter will be better, I promise. By the way, I travel on Thursday so I'll probably update once I'm back. I've been so busy, getting some things done and I still need to buy some things for the trip.

But, I hope you liked this one :D