Rise of the Black rod Chapter four: Yule Special
[AN: Eh, a Christmas special anyone?. Two years late. I started this in December 2020. I can only admit that I wrote several other novels in the meantime.]
AN: Please note some temporal overlap with Chapter Three.
Harry woke up tired. He blinked, rolled over and admired his sleeping wife. Who looked… tired.
He kissed her tenderly on the head, and slipped off to the bathroom, re-emerging to find Daphne upright, and making a list. With her chest covered. Sigh.
"Harry, are we actually going to celebrate Christmas or Yule?" Daphne asked, in a very neutral tone.
"Uh… can't we do both?" asked Harry.
"Yule's on the twenty-second this year, and Christmas is on the twenty-fifth." said Daphne, frowning.
"Great, two parties" said Harry. "And all the children will get two presents!"
Daphne looked down her nose at Harry "Is this some reflection on your childhood?" she asked softly.
"I had my first Christmas at Hogwarts, and it was brilliant, and Yule is the proper Wizarding festival, so we'll do both." said Harry cheerfully.
"They're… quite similar these days" admitted Daphne. "There's a Yule log lit with on the ashes of last year's one… and a few little things… and no fat man in a red suit."
Harry nodded. "The muggle Christmas can be very … commercial. My cousin only liked the presents."
"Oh. Like my sister" quipped Daphne, with a slight smirk. "The Dutch have Sinter Klaas, which is a bit like English Christmas, with gifts. It's in early December, I think. If you wanted to do that too, we might have missed it."
Harry sat on the side of the bed "I'm not just trying to have every Christmas-like festival as an excuse for presents" said Harry solemnly, and was kicked by his wife. "Prat" she said fondly.
They were late for breakfast. Again, with Harry's hair particularly messy, and Daphne smiling.
Andromeda Tonks chipped the top of a boiled egg "About time you two arrived" she said "I started breakfast, rather than have everyone wait for you to finish what you were doing."
The children perked up at the announcement that two festivals "Yule and Christmas" said Harry "It's educational to have both" he said, and several of the staff snorted.
"And we'll have a fireworks display for Yule and Christmas of course… and one for New Year" said Daphne suddenly. Harry turned and Daphne had a look in her eyes, one he hadn't seen in ages. Several of the children cheered "Yay fireworks" one called out.
After breakfast, Harry and Daphne went to the office and composed a letter to the children at Hogwarts.
"They can come home for both, or stay at Hogwarts." said Harry "Moira's getting a broom. Something safe, but not too slow."
"She'll need gloves and goggles" said Daphne, starting a list. "Weren't you getting Olive a broom as a reward for teaching Moira to fly?"
"And Olive will get her broom at Christmas, and some goggles."
"You might as well just give everyone at Hogwarts brooms and goggles and gloves" said Daphne.
Harry scratched the back of his head "Can we get a discount if we buy forty-two?" he asked, only slightly kidding.
Once Daphne had finished the letter, Harry signed it, and then used the xerographia charm to duplicate it rather a lot.
Daphne eyed the large pile of letters. "Owl post office. We don't have forty-two owls." she said.
"We… could have a lot of owls." said Harry "One day we'll need them to keep in touch with the children, if nothing else, and it'd be handy for mailing wizengamot members"
"Harry, I'm going to take this lot and send it at the owl post office in Diagon Alley" said Daphne firmly "And that way I can do some Christmas shopping."
Harry looked thoughtful "I should come, so I can do some Christmas shopping, organise all the quidditch gear if nothing else."
"Harry, I'm going to shop for your present, there's no point in you coming, it'll ruin the surprise" said Daphne.
"What are you thinking of?" asked Harry.
"Underwear" said Daphne.
"I've got plenty" corrected Harry.
"I was going to buy underwear for me, for Christmas" said Daphne.
"And that's a present for me how?" asked Harry.
Daphne blinked at Harry "Harry, have you got no imagination?" asked Daphne.
"That little red robe with the white trim, and no underwear. That's my idea of a Christmas present" said Harry, hardly blushing. He'd seen men's magazines – Seamus and Dean had them in sixth year, Sirius had left one at Grimmauld Place. And he'd his wife naked. The two things together would be… exciting.
Daphne went quite red "Harry!" she said. "I'm… Well I never."
"Which is exactly why it'd be a great Christmas present" said Harry.
Daphne shook her head "I'm going shopping" she said. "And I'll drop by George's and get three orders started."
"Fireworks?" asked Harry.
"You're perfectly capable of setting them off, and it'll be like our courting years" said Daphne dramatically.
"What if it rains?" asked Harry.
"We'll go to Caer Peverell or Black Manor. It can't be raining at all three" said Daphne "We've got the portal mirrors."
"We don't have a portal to Black Manor" said Harry, frowning.
"Well… let's say it's a Christmas present for you" said Daphne. "They're at Black Manor right now. Black Mirrors, if you would."
-==0==-
Yule, Harry was informed by his father-in-law before the event, doesn't usually have fireworks, however Daphne had squeaked with joy and jumped up and down next to him as the display fired off, so he ignored the criticism and concentrated on keeping everyone away from the fireworks while they went off. Daphne sat next to Harry on a loveseat that was a bit small for two. Harry didn't mind.
Some of the orphans with siblings had come 'home' for Christmas, and they cheered.
"Why doesn't Hogwarts have fireworks for Christmas?" asked Elmore, who was, Harry remembered one of the special cases adopted as a Greengrass.
"Well... I don't know" admitted Harry. "The first Weasleys display was at Hogwarts, it interrupted OWLs, and the Weasley Twins flew off. Daphne rather enjoyed it." Daphne leaned against him gently.
"You should make that happen, after all, you're the boss of Hogwarts" said Elmore blandly. Harry looked around for one of the older Greengrass adoptions. There was one that was … doing OWLs this year… he hadn't come home, doubtless busy studying. A dark-haired boy the same age as Elmore was standing around.
Daphne spoke up "Sanford, what is it?"
"Elmore's birthday is in January" said Sanford from behind a too-long fringe that reminded Harry of young Snape. "Should he get fireworks for his birthday too?"
"Sanford, you're such a Hufflepuff" said Daphne fondly. "Harry will see to it that everyone gets some fireworks on their birthday."
"I married a pyromaniac" muttered Harry, and Elmore smiled quickly.
Elmore asked a question, and Harry saw glinting in the lights from the manor, a Ravenclaw badge pinned on his jumper. "Harry… is it true you met Daphne doing fireworks shows?"
Harry nodded "Pretty much" Harry agreed.
"It's just that some people said you'd been dating Daphne for years and years at Hogwarts as a secret" said Elmore.
Harry was reduced to blinking, his brain trying to process the idea that he, Harry Potter would have had the confidence to ask a pretty girl out after the Cho debacle, and one from Slytherin.
Daphne patted Harry's knee fondly "Harry was very busy doing dangerously heroic things at school, and was… pants at dating. At the time the idea of a Slytherin girl dating a Gryffindor boy would have been impossible. Of course, since then Harry has come out as Slytherin. And he bullied the hat to put him in Gryffindor." She leaned against Harry.
The boys left the lawn, with a look that was probably 'Adults are weird.'
-==0==-
Daphne was wearing the red Christmas robe with the white trim, and Christmas patterned stockings and shoes with tiny holly garlands, and looked very pleased with Harry.
Harry kissed Daphne after the bedroom doors shut on Yule, and she stood against Harry and kissed him gently, but for a long time. "And I do have one last present for you" said Daphne, undoing the red robe. Harry looked down at a red corset, pushing up Daphne's breasts, and a tiny pair of red knickers. Harry kissed half-naked Daphne, who dropped the robe on her stool, and adjusted the bust of the corset, and pulled hard on the knickers, which pulled apart with a velcro-like rip.. Naked wife in corset and Christmas stockings. Dapne blinked coquettishly "Do you like it?"
"Oh" said Harry "I think this is a nice present."
And Harry played with his present for a while.
-==0==-
On Christmas day Daphne blinked at Harry as she appeared at breakfast in the red robes again.
Harry kept staring at her all day, and got his arms around her just before lunch in the office.
To find her a lot softer than a corseted Daphne. Daphne kissed him and undid the robe, and Daphne was wearing a thin one-peice thing like an underwear version of a swimming costume – only it was almost transparent . "I tried naked, it was too draughty" said Daphne, pointedly.
"Crikey" said Harry "What would you like for Christmas?"
Daphne inhaled and stuck her chest out. "I'd like to sit on your lap?" asked Daphne, and one of the office chairs was pressed into service.
They barely made it to Christmas lunch on time. But morale was sky-high.
As night fell, the snowy garden was lit up by bursting stars for fireworks. The children cheered and Daphne leaned against Harry.
Harry tidied up the fireworks crate, Daphne going off to herd the troops back into the house and off to bed.
Naturally, cleanup took a while, then there was an urgent message from the Carrows at Black Manor that the roof had fallen in on an attic due to the weight of snow. Harry flooed over and got to work, drawing a white wand and casting spell after spell. The builders could cope with the half-repaired roof, Harry thought, once it stopped snowing.
After Christmas was finally over, Harry went to bed, to find Daphne already asleep on the bed in the red robe with the white trim. Harry kissed her forehead, tucked her in and went to sleep next to his wife.
Boxing day saw Harry wake up to an armful of sleepy red-robed witch
"Oh Harry " she said sadly "I fell asleep before I got my Christmas present."
"What did you want?" asked Harry.
"Well, I wasn't sure, so I did every charm in the book and just hoped for the best" said Daphne "I was wondering if you could find my present this morning?"
After Harry cast Slytherins' basilisk reviver for the fifth time, he kissed a sleepy looking Daphne.
"Dear, why are you sleepy?" he asked.
"Becuase you've been bonking me all morning" she replied, with a smile. She still looked a bit tired. And thoroughly shagged.
"Dear… you're quite tired these days" asked Harry, deciding to actually ask.
"It's the children" admitted Daphne with a sigh. "I want to be there for them, but there are so many, and they're always loud, my nerves just get ground down."
Harry kissed Daphne on the lips gently "We'll get a few more staff." he said.
"Six" said Daphne "Six."
"You want six more staff" Harry agreed.
"And two more turns around the bed. It's very good for irritability and nerves." said Daphne, taking her wand off the bedside table and casting a few spells. "Harry love, a couple of cut and bruise healing spells. One on my poor lips… and one where you just were." she pouted.
Harry cast a couple of short parseltounge healing spells by memory, one on Daphne's lips.
"And now, dear, heal yourself: I'm not kidding about wanting two more." said Daphne.
Harry and Daphne missed lunch completely, calling for a tray from Dreedle at around half past one.
Daphne swaggered into the dining room for dinner in her red robe with the white trim and sat on her slightly fancy chair with a smiling – and flushed face.
A few of the staff smirked. Then Harry walked in with a goofy smile on his face and sat down, starting the meal and smiling vacantly.
Andromeda Tonks looked up from her plate "Ah, you came" she said.
"We're hiring six more staff" said Harry, and Mary took a note of that "Childcare, preferably mothers. And set up a standing order with Weasleys, a jumbo box of shootings stars for every birthday."
"Every birthday?" asked Mary "That will be quite a few a month."
"Mary be a dear and send me notice, so I can see them" said Daphne "Lady Slytherin will be watching that from dinner in the great hall."
"Yes maam" said Mary, making a note, and an eyeroll.
-==0==-
Harry decided, as the Hogwarts-aged children had gone back to school that he should check up at Gringotts. He took his lucky Black Rod with him – who understood finance. And Justin was really good at acting… normal.
Harry and Justin were ushered in to see Ragnok,who was leaning casually in his chair, his tie missing, with two cloaked, goblin-height figures standing very close to his chair
"Ragnok" said Harry ."How is the investment vault going?"
"It is done" said Ragnok, sliding some parchment over, and it magically sped across the wide desk. "You can borrow at five percent, and we will pay six on profits from my special vault"
"What is your usual interest rate?" asked Harry, who remembered something from TV as a child.
"Ten percent" said Ragnok. "You are, as a special customer getting a special deal."
"I hoped that with more money to lend, you might consider lowering the rate. My arithmancer says that will stimulate the economy" said Harry and Justin nodded discreetly to him – he hadn't stuffed up.
One of the cloaked figures laid a clawed hand on Ragnoks shoulder, and slid the claws along his suit jacket.
"Oh it's been quite stimulating" barked Ragnok. "We will loan to your kind at... eight percent."
"Uh Ragnok, who are your um… associates?" asked Harry.
"Grachknok and Grichnok" said Ragnok. "Friends of mine."
There was a rasping noise that might have been a goblin giggling in stereo.
"Oh are these your wives?" asked Harry.
Ragnok snorted " I am an old Goblin Harry Potter, My wife is old. Grachknok and Grichnok are quite young." Ragnok grinned very toothily. His mouth seemed to consist entirely of fangs.
One of the goblins stroked a claw over Ragnok's suit jacket. "You have used enough of my time, get out" said Ragnok.
Harry left, unsure what the hell was going on. He took an equally confused Justin with him.
"Is he usually like that?" asked Justin, once they were safely out of Gringotts.
Harry shook his head.
That night as he lay in bed Harry explained to Daphne what he'd seen.
"So Ragnok had two young friends who were stroking him?" asked Daphne. "What have you done Harry?"
"I just did what Baron Peebles said" said Harry "I let Gringotts take the new galleons and put them a vault. We borrow against them, and get paid interest. We get more interest than we pay."
"Justin was with me, and I didn't say anything wrong." added Harry after a moment's thought.
"And the gold we get paid is someone else's, not ours" said Daphne "So the cursed gold stays at Gringotts."
"Yeah" said Harry. That sounded right.
"Goblins love gold" said Daphne. "You said Ragnok said they weren't his wife?"
"Um yeah" said Harry.
"So the bank manager's got some young goblins rubbing themselves on him?" asked Daphne. "What if this starts a war?"
"Well, at least the cause will be more interesting than the other goblin rebellions" said Harry cheerfully. "Ragnok did look pretty happy, for a goblin?"
-=0==-
The daily Prophet had a page four article about Gringott's new cheaper lending. Justin threw it to his father, crushing the Times, who handled the Prophet gingerly, and read the article.
"A bit light on facts. Go find out how much business they're doing" said Father blithely.
-==0==-
Justin quipped "Justin, Page of the snake clan" to the reporter "Oh, and Sir Justin Finch-Fletchly, gentleman usher of the black rod, and Lord Peebles one day, but the page of the Snake clan does, I am assured out-rank being a muggle knight."
The reporter didn't snort, and wrote it all down quite seriously.
Justin made it to his office, where Arboroius Diggle had left a fresh calendar of Wizengamot sittings. And had, by the way the calendar also had evening events, decided that being clerk of the Wizengamot meant also arranging the Black Rod's time. Justin eyed the calender- he had a little time this week, and maybe he could get help from Harry Potter?
-==0==-
Justin waited at Gringotts with Harry Potter, Lord Slytherin, who just stuck his hands in his robe pockets and walked around the marble ante-room looking at the gilded – Justin hoped those were gilded statues. The goblins were rich, but the statues couldn't be gold… could they?
"Are they solid gold, do you think?" asked Justin.
"Knowing Ragnok, yeah." said Harry, nodding "Gringotts is very rich. You do know that Ragnok isn't just the bank manager, right?"
"He's your personal bank manager too?" asked Justin.
"God no" said Harry, "He's the king, or high chief or something of the goblin nation."
"He's a king?" squeaked Justin, blushing in embarrassment.
"Hey, you work for the quee,n and she's miles richer." said Harry. "There's twenty thousand or so magical people in britain, and nowhere near that number of goblins. So he's like… king of a tiny, angry kingdom." Harry smiled crookedly "Don't worry."
"I'm asking a king questions" said Justin.
"Technically I think he swore fealty to one of the Kings, so he works for your boss" said Harry.
Justin couldn't help it, he glared at Harry Potter, school quidditch jock. "Not helping."
"If it's any consolation, Daphne just about had kittens when she heard I talked to Ragnok." said Harry "He hardly ever talks to humans."
"Except you" said Justin, feeling a bit … sour.
"I had Slytherin's debt – whatever that was, and these days, I'm a big depositor. They're skimming two percent per annum off twenty million – that's got to be a lot, right?" said Harry.
Justin frowned and tried to work that out in his head. One percent would be a hundredth of twenty million – two hundred thousand, so… twice that, four hundred."Four hundred thousand a year" he said, and Harry Potter frowned "you worked that out in your head?"
"It's not that hard" said Justin.
Harry looked at Justin oddly at that, and after a while Ragnok's secretary came out and let them in through the double doors into Ragnoks' office.
Ragnok was sitting in a business shirt, and had two… definitely female goblins at his side, and they were wearing skimpy chainmail armour. And hand-feeding Ragnok chunks of bloody meat.
"My favourite two humans" said Ragnok expansively, waving one clawed hand. "Get to the point quickly."
"What I want to know" said Justin, nervously "Is how much lending business is Gringotts doing, both existing business at ten percent, and new lending at eight percent." He looked over at Harry who was staring at – not staring at the goblins in chainmail bikinis. Who were stroking Ragnok's upper arms.
[GRINGOTTS: For reasons of confidentiality, Gringotts Bank, PLC cannot allow written records of current lending practices to leave Grinotts bank. This story will continue without disclosure of Gringotts PLC company confidential information.]
"Harry?" asked Justin as they left Gringotts "Was Ragnok acting like a particularly rich and influential goblin, do you think?"
"They were wearing chain-mail bikinis" said Harry, with a shrug "and hand feeding him raw meat. I conclude… we've made history of magic much more interesting."
"Ugh" said Justin "I'll never get her to let go."
Harry stopped and turned to Justin "Who let go?" he asked.
"Professor Lufkin. All I did was mention a certain white wand at the end of the battle of Hogwarts, and she questioned me for hours. So she knows about the DA, the Carrows, and your accident in France."
"What do you know about my accident in France?" asked Harry, drawing a pale wand and waving it in a circle 'muffliato.'
Justin looked at the rapidly disappearing wand going up Harry's sleeve.
"Thought you lost that?" he asked.
"Long, family magic imbued story" said Harry, looking annoyed. "What did you say about my accident in France?" Justin assumed by the tone of voice that Harry wasn't annoyed for normal reasons, like having been a complete idiot, that nearly got his wife killed, but something more complicated.
Justin tried to ask a question, without setting Potter's famously volcanic temper off.
"Just that you'd tried to heal Daphne of a duelling injury, and your wand – the Elder wand had exploded. That's how you go the scars on your hand." said Justin. He blinked nervously "You're not angry, are you?"
Harry Potter looked at Justin and crossed his arms, looking tired and messy-haired "Given that Lufkin's a historian she's going to want to know things. Mention anything else?"
"You um, gave Daphne a wand as a wedding gift?" said Justin, cringing.
Harry Potter exhaled with his eyes closed, then opened them, revealing his bottle-green eyes "Sometimes, Justin, I wish you weren't so bloody observant."
"Is it a problem?" asked Justin.
"No, but everything after that's a family magic's matter, and I – " said Harry.
"Oh, right" said Justin "Like the goblins and their profit margins."
Harry Potter looked more annoyed, but less angry "I'm much more reasonable than the gobins, Justin" he said. Justin tossed up mentally, if Harry was more or less reasonable than a bank-full of angry goblins. It, Justin decided was better not to think about, and definitely not say to Harry too-many-names Potter. Who he'd seen kill five people with one spell. That had missed.
"How are the orphans going?" asked Justin instead.
Harry looked thoughtful and started to explain, in detail...
-==0==-
Days passed, then on the day of the first Hogwarts birthday fireworks, The Daily Prophet had a column about Daphne that apparently irritated her. Harry deduced that by the way the paper burst into flames while she was reading it.
Daphne kissed Harry's cheek and left after breakfast to 'do some damage control.' Harry went upstairs, changed into Kettle's clothes, disguised himself and flooed off to the Leaky. A copy of the Daily Prophet was readily available, slightly wet on one corner, and Harry found the article on the second page.
'Daphne Slytherin, the bimbo behind Harry Potter' was the title – Harry skimmed the anonymous article, and the tone was worse than the headline. They'd included the old photo of Daphne in a blouse and push-up bra walking with a younger unmarried Harry in Diagon Alley. Harry admired the view wryly – he'd been on honeymoon and seen Yule and Christmas – and Daphne did look well, less tired. And less serious. More… of a bimbo. Harry sighed. Daphne must be cross. He wondered what she was going to do. And at the end of article, they mentioned that Hogwarts was having fireworks for one of his adopted children today, and that it was… Daphne's idea. And mentioned that there'd been a fireworks Display at Hogwarts for their wedding.
Harry felt that as consolation, they didn't have a photo of fifteen-year-old Daphne jumping up and down yelling like a maniac as the Weasley Twins ruined an OWL examination. She tended to reserve that for at home these days.
Hopefully she wouldn't do anything too drastic.
-==0==-
A large black coach, drawn by four thestrals soared through the darkening sky towards Hogwarts, landing with a clatter just before the gates, and pulling up. The coach lights glowed an eldritch blue.
Hagrid, holding a lamp in one immense hand, appeared at a slow jog from the direction of his hut, covering the ground rather quickly with loud thuds. He stopped at the gates and rummaged in his immense moleskin coat for a moment, before removing a huge bundle of keys and opening the gate, and pulling both gates open.
"Sorry Dafne" puffed Hagrid "I was re-potting some chomping cabbages before dinner and lost track of the time."
Someone waved one glinting hand from the coach window, and said loudly "Giddyup! To the main doors!" in a polished accent.
The Thestrals snorted, and pulled on the black chains, the coach rattled off up the coach-path, and Hagrid shut the gates.
The coach was nearly at the castle when a green spell cut down the lead Thestral. The other three bolted, somehow shearing off their harnesses, leaving the coach rolling to a stop, to bump into the Thestral that was lying down. Green spells raked the coach – doing no damage whatsoever.
Both doors to the coach opened, and there was an oddly metallic 'shling' sound.
From both sides of the path, dark-robed, masked figures approached the coach, wands drawn.
"Frenchie, check the coach" said one figure from one side of the path. A member of the group from the other side of the path darted over, and looked into the coach's silk-lined interior. The witch-lights in the coach lamps cast an eerie blue glow forward and backwards, and to the two sides, emphasising the growing darkness, as much as lighting the path. The Thestral lay unmoving on the path.
"Zere's nobody in zere" said Frenchie, in a comically fake French accent.
"Well –" began the putative leader, to stop and cough repeatedly, while clutching his chest, coughing up blood, and collapsing.
The ambushers spun about almost aimlessly, one thinking to cast 'Hominum Revelio.'
In the very centre of the group, all glowing faintly purple, a purple glow about human-sized was in mid-air where – nobody was standing.
"Invisible!" shouted one of the more observant ambushers "She's invis –" to stop, cough blood and fall, gurgling revoltingly.
Green bolts fired at the purple glow – and nothing happened, except that in return, sickly yellow spells emanated from the invisible defender, leaving the ambushers collapsed and unmoving.
"Shield you morons!" shouted another ambusher, casting a shield – that was hit by a red bolt from the invisible defender, the shield glowed as a brilliant blue soap bubble around the caster, then cracked like a Christmas bauble underfoot, and a different pink spell hit the sheild-caster – who coughed, and clutched at their face, clawing at their jaw, making grotesque choking sounds, then getting hit in the stomach by a purple spell that… well it expelled their entrails messily behind them, and they fell down, in a huge pool of blood and… organs and things.
The ambushers' weren't totally clueless – though the helpful purple glow faded, one kept casting hominum Reveio, in turns. In turns more because the defender cast entrail expelling curses at whoever cast Hominum revelio, and they weren't shielding one another.
"Come on, she's a stupid bimb-" started a man in a black robe, to squeak and fall, clutching their groinal region.
The remaining ambushers got organised, by iterative losses, if nothing else, and started to shield each other as they fired attack spells and hominum revelio. The problem was that the invisible defender seemed indifferent to the attack spells, and took to casting knock-back jinxes that fired attackers twenty or thirty feet backwards, to land in well, cracking, un-moving heaps.
The last three shielded, and one said loudly "We're um… sorry."
"You will be" said a woman's voice, and a pink ribbon lazily flew across the space between the attacker and defender, cut across their shields and bisected all three of them, to fall in pools of blood.
"Good grief" said Daphne, becoming visible, in a full set of goblin-silver armour, helmet on, "There's a straightforward counter to a ribbon cutter. The really were morons."
Daphne fired her pale wand upward, and a huge bluish witch-light bobbed in the air. With the light it gave, she recovered all the bodies, levitating and lining them up by the side of the path, and beginning to cut their scalps off. There were pools of blood, organs and splatters of feces everywhere.
With the whistle of willow-bristles under extreme stress, Minerva McGonagall arrived on a broom, her pointed hat looking exceedingly business-like tonight.
"Oh my" said Headmistress McGonagall, landing and taking in the scene "Did you really have to kill them?"
"My Thestral is dead" snapped Daphne "A gift from Harry, from his family herd. Over seven hundred years old, and harness-trained."
Daphne kept cutting cuts scalps off and fastening them to her belt, and walked the rest of the way to the castle, stomping up the steps and along the corridor into the great hall, her sollerets clanging on the floor, and she and sat down at the high table, helmet closed.
Headmistress McGonagall forestalled the chattering of the students "Lady Slytherin has come to watch the fireworks show. I believe she's wearing a suit of Goblin battle armour." Daphne nodded silently towards the Headmistress.
"Beheading, really?" asked Professor McGonagall stiffly, once she had sat down next to Daphne.
"Sorry Minerva" said Daphne, not sounding sorry at all from under her helmet "But my children are here, and they were at risk. And the goblins do insist on scalps, for accounting purposes. So technically just scalping."
"I wasn't aware you took being a goblin warrior so... seriously" said Minerva.
"I had to kill most of two dozen werewolves to keep Harry safe. I earned this, and besides, did you think as a professional duellist, I was going to let people invade our school, harm the children in our care?" said Daphne, taking her helmet off and shaking her pony-tail free from the top of her basilisk hide head-protector. That certainly wasn't a crown. It just had little points at the top, as part of it's claw-like styling.
A little later, it got dark enough for the fireworks to be set off, overhead, so visible through the ceiling of the great hall, without everyone having to go outside and get cold. Or covered in blood and guts, as might have happened. Regardless, Lady Slytherin wearing armour to visit was the subject of large-scale conversations by students, and the horrible scalps she was wearing.
"It's a goblin thing" said a seventh year Hufflepuff girl to her friends. "They're probably ceremonial."
Elmore Greengrass who'd been Elmore Corney before he was adopted, and was the reason there were fireworks after dinner, wondered if this suit of armour wearing thing was something his new parents had mentioned, but he'd ignored. As a Ravenclaw, he was supposed to notice things. He was pretty sure the new-parents-Hogwarts crossover was officially that he 'had to get less detentions than Harry Potter had.' And that his adoptive mother – today wearing battle armour to Hogwarts had said something about 'not getting injured doing stupid things.' His adoptive grandparents – the older Greengrasses had nodded to him politely at Christmas – as a distant member of the family adopted into their daughter's family. The only problem, mused Elmore, was that he had to write out his full name as Elmore Eli Slytherin-Black-Peverell-Potter-Greengrass and it never fit anywhere. His 'siblings' who weren't Greengrasses had ten less letters to write. He suspected, by the way the scalps had dripped blood on the armour and the floor up the middle of the great hall, that they were real. And fresh. Which was odd really as 'mum' seemed, apart from being tired a lot, quite a reasonable witch. And not incredibly pretty. One's new adopted mother is not incredibly pretty – Elmore was sure of that. His new mother was handsome. That's all. The tatty old photo's cut from the Daily Prophet and stuck up in dorm rooms of his new parents walking down Diagon alley … well it was just something to ignore. He could, um stare at Jenny down the Ravenclaw table instead. Jenny wasn't officially his parent – so staring at bulges in her robes was fair game, thought Elmore. Though – the seventh year Slytherin girls were… um… trying to look like his adoptive mum, said a little voice in his head. Worth ogling discreetly anyway.
-==0==-
Daphne received a politely worded letter from the DMLE by owl the next day at breakfast, asking if she'd mind coming in to discuss… certain deaths at Hogwarts.
"Honey?" asked Harry nervously "You know the legal system's a mess." And he worried that both Hermione and Daphne were in trouble at the same time. He smelt a conspiracy, well and bacon, but mostly a conspiracy.
"Don't worry dear. I'll go after I've been to Gringotts and dropped off my scalps. I hardly did anything." said Daphne, picking up the marmalade spoon.
-==0==-
Daphne appeared with a crack in front of Gringotts, in a dark grey cloak, and walked in the door, the guard-goblins moving their spears ever so slightly upwards as she passed between them.
She waited patiently in line for a teller, and when the goblin, in spectacles yelled "NEXT" she stepped forward, and opened her cloak, and swing up a bloody bundle of scalps.
"Scalps." said Daphne "I'm required to bring them in for audit purposes?"
The goblin took off their spectacles and squeezed their nose, put their spectacles back on, and waved a goblin from behind the counters over "Rip-nose, take the human with scalps to their meeting."
Rip-Nose, a small goblin, who did have a rip in the end of their nose, scuttled out, looked up at Daphne, shook their head and waved one clawed hand in a come-this-way sort of gesture "Bring the scalps" they snapped, and walked quickly towards the meeting rooms.
Daphne waited in the room she was taken to, put the scalps on the table but didn't sit. After a wait, the vaguely familiar old goblin in a traditional goblin leather coat came in and eyed the bundle of scalps.
"You are not wearing your proper armour" they snapped "Come back immediately, properly dressed."
Daphne left the pile of scalps and walked quickly out of Gringotts, disapparating from the steps with a crack.
An armoured figure – probably Daphne, appeared a minute or two later with a loud crack and a clang, and clanged into Grinotts – this time the guard-goblins stood to attention and banged the butts of their spears on the ground. She walked directly to the meeting room and the old goblin was stacking scalps.
It looked over at the armoured figure "All your own work?" the goblin asked.
Daphne took her helmet off – her hair stuck out the top of her scaly green 'head protector' in a pony-tail. "They attacked my coach at Hogwarts, killed one of the family Thestrals, which has been ours for over seven hundred years, and was harness trained. They were using lethal spells. I have a meeting with the DMLE this morning to 'discuss' the deaths. I will claim self-defence, and defence of my adopted children. There are dozens at the school now."
The old goblin nodded "You have thirty-six kills. Keep bringing in scalps – record-keeping is important."
"Is that all?" asked Daphne.
The old goblin shook their head "Knight of Snake clan, thirty-six kills, and no entourage. It is not proper. I will get volunteers. Wait. Kill more wizards if the opportunity presents."
"What, here at Gringotts?" asked Daphne.
"DMLE not here" said the Goblin conspiratorially, showing pointy teeth.
Five goblins came back ten minutes later with the old goblin – four in armour with spears, and one carrying a pole, and a black bundle. The armour the goblins were earing was not as elaborate as Daphne's. It looked more like regular armour, but every suit had a little golden filigree in patterns that might be runes, spelling out names, perhaps. Daphne briefly wished she knew Goblin runes.
The pole-carrier goblin asked "What is the banner of the Snake clan?"
"A snake" said Daphne – figuring they meant the house of Slytherin. "A green Basilisk, rampant."
The goblin unwrapped the cloth bundle, selected some paint from a small box and painted a grinning snake onto the black cloth. It looked… a little like a Slytherin family banner. And then they mounted it on a t-piece on the pole- and it was a banner. Which they proceeded to hand a long loop of twisted cord from… that the old goblin attached the fresh scalps to, and then painstakingly counted out seventeen more scalps from a bag in the bundle, and attached them to the loop of cord. The banner hung, a grisly accounting banging against it.
"Snake Clan is a most respectable clan" said the old goblin "You have suitable escort now."
"We're not a goblin clan" protested Daphne, eyeing the drops of blood from the other seventeen scalps. Fresh blood. Fresh scalps.
"Made Ragnok sick – Snake Clan has always been a clan – now has most successful knight alive." said the old goblin, teeth showing.
Thus, four armoured goblins and one banner-carrier followed Daphne to the ministry. To say they caused a sensation was an understatement.
"Courtroom ten, maam" said the guard in the Atrium, looking at the goblins and saying something under his breath.
Aurors lined the hallway, Hit-Wizards blocked the lifts. One hit-wizard in black armour over blue robes took the group of goblins and Daphne down to level nine.
She met Sir Justin in the hall outside courtroom ten. He was wearing a dress robe with a huge white sword embroidered on it. Justin looked quite concerned – and then he saw the four goblins in armour, and the one carrying a Snake banner.
"Lady Slytherin?" asked Justin "What's going on?" He asked, ignoring the Aurors and Hit wizards.
Daphne smiled politely, holding her Helmet under one arm awkwardly. "I'm coming to a hearing to discuss some deaths at Hogwarts. A group of… dark robed persons ambushed me on the way there last night."
"And the goblins?" asked Justin, trying not to overreact to four armed, armoured goblins and a banner-carrier.
"I was put on notice by" Daphne turned to the Goblin carrying the banner "Banner-carrier, what's the old goblin who does wizard deaths accounting called?" she asked politely.
The goblin nodded enthusiastically "In English, that's almost the title. Or ah – Noble accountant of victorious goblin warriors. Galgack no gluch."
"That's so much shorter in gobbledegook" said Daphne politely.
The goblin nodded. "You should learn. Beautiful poetic language."
"So, 'galgack no gluch' rather insists I bring in scalps" said Daphne mildly to Justin.
"Auditable accounts or death" said the banner carrier enthusiastically, waving the banner up and down, making the scalps swing about.
"Would they?" asked Justin nervously.
The goblin shook it's head "Knight of Snake clan is very successful killer of wizards. Perhaps in English erm… audit-able accounts before dishonour!"
"AUDIT-ABLE ACCOUNTS BEFORE DISHONOUR!" echoed the four armoured goblins loudly, banging their spear butts on the floor loudly.
"I see" said Justin drolly. "Father would approve."
One of the armoured but still short goblins poked Justin gently with the butt of their spear "You… you are with knight of snake clan, or against?" they croaked.
Justin looked down at the goblin's helmet. "I'm on the side of… knight of the snake clan."
The armoured goblin nodded. "Need Page. You can be page. Be a knight of snake clan one day."
Justin put on a hauberk Daphne conjured up with a grinning snake on it. "I usually have a role in a Wizengamot meeting, but not hearings. Well, just starting and stopping if they use the room" he explained.
"Good. Knight here, we start now" said the Goblin. Daphne was well, poker-faced. She did that a lot at school, thought Justin.
Justin tilted his head "Hmm" he said "You think, now… hmm... I see your point. Where in the erm, procession do I go?"
"Behind banner" explained the banner carrier.
"Why are you goblins here with Lady… the knight of the Snake clan?" asked Justin, as the banner-carrier walked toward courtroom ten.
"Knight is in hearing with Wizengamot. Since snake clan so small, only one knight, volunteers to give respectful presence to knight of thirty-six kills" explained the goblin enthusiastically, showing off a mouth-full of rather pointy teeth.
"Thirty-six?" Justin turned his head and asked Daphne.
"Last night, Hogwarts." said Daphne blandly. "There were morons ambushing me. Harry's going to overreact if any of their families swore fealty."
"No overreaction if underlings revolt" said the Standard Bearer sharply "Massacre time! Chief of Snake clan can bring scalps, be a respectable clan Chief. Clan then will have two knights."
"I couldn't possibly comment" said Daphne, sarcastically blandly.
"Page… eyes front!" said an armoured Goblin.
"At least people won't call me Sir Justin" said Justin.
The armoured hit-wizards acting as guards opened the doors of the courtroom, and the procession walked in… and Justin looked at the courtroom from a different direction. From the floor, where the prisoner being questioned normally stood – though Lady Slytherin marched over to her husbands silver throne, her metal shoes clanging and sat, the goblins standing behind the throne, the banner-carrier pushing Justin one-handed to a spot just in front of Daphne, who had sat back a little. If was probably his imagination that the silver snakes of the throne were moving and reforming around the armour. The sight of the fresh human scalps had him a bit rattled.
"Page!" snapped the banner-carrier "Eyes front! Talking time."
Justin looked over at the rest of the seating, mostly empty, with the head of the DMLE - Dawlish, and Minister Shacklebolt looking … they had the glassy-eyes of the surprised bureaucrat.
Percy Weasley, in blue pin-striped robes, stood up from his seat, looking determined to get this hearing back on track.
"The hearing of Lady Daphne Slytherin with the DMLE to discuss the recent unpleasantness is now called to order" said Percy Weasley, his glasses low on his nose.
A goblin in armour poked Justin "Shut door now" they growled.
Justin took the black rod from the belt it was looped into, twisted it with hands to make it longer, and marched in his best boys-brigade march over to the hole in the floor, and locked the doors of the courtroom.
The banner-carrier was making a surprisingly human 'get-on-with-it' motions with their head. Lady Slytherin had a frozen look on her face, and the faintest hint of a smile. What had the damn goblin called him. Page of the Snake clan, that was it.
Justin spoke up "The – " his mind blanked. What had they called her. Knight, that was it "The knight of Snake Clan is here." he said, firmly, and wondered how goblin etiquette worked. Damn and blast, more reading to do, if he could find a book.
Lady Slytherin stood up and said quite clearly and calmly "I am prepared to answer questions about the unprovoked attack on myself and my family at Hogwarts. My page will open the doors when I am finished."
Justin nearly snorted. The sheer gall of telling the ministry and DMLE that she was on her own schedule… it was … a bit like she was a dignitary from a foreign government.
"Get Cresswell" said Kingsley Shacklebolt. "Sir Justin, if you would ?" he asked.
Justin twisted the black rod and the doors unlocked, and one of the guards ran off in an undignified rush. Lady Slytherin sat down, and the goblins banged their spear-butts on the ground.
A be-spectacled, round-headed ministry functionary came back at a run with the guard a minute later. Justin didn't recognise him, but he slowed down as he got closer to the goblin group, paled, and made a deep, both hands out-bow that reminded Justin of an Ottoman bow he'd seen on a documentary with mama and pater once.
"Cresswell?" said Kingsley Shacklebolt, tensely. "What's going on." he asked.
Cresswell, bowing repeatedly, backed away from the goblins, and Lady Slytherin, and headed skillfully to Kingsley Shacklebolt where he whispered "That's a goblin funeral procession."
"A what?" asked Kingly Shacklebolt.
"Someone else's funeral" said Cresswell. "It's unprecedented, since the last goblin war" he hissed, and for some reason Justin could hear him quite clearly. Acoustics of where the Black Rod worked, perhaps.
"Page… announce" snapped the banner carrier.
"Knight of the Snake clan, with erm… thirty-six kills" said Justin, worried he was making a hash of that somehow. Cresswell looked over at Justin, eyes wide, and shook his head to Kingsley.
Justin saw the opportunity and closed the doors by turning the black rod. They closed faster than he was anticipating – shutting with a boom, and the iron bars banged across with a clang.
Percy Weasley somehow got his brain back on track, and stood "DMLE director Dawlish will now ask some questions."
Justin tried not to smile when Lady Slytherin's armoured right hand made a gentle hand motion – like 'get on with it.'
Dawlish, tall and blond, greying on the sides, stood up and read from a list.
"So ah, lady Slytherin, on the night of the twenty-sixth of January, at Hogwarts, could you describe, in your own words, what happened?" asked Dawlish.
Lady Slytherin didn't stand up, and Justin appreciated the snub. Eyeing Percy Weasley, he clearly didn't appreciate that.
"I was going to Hogwarts for my son's birthday fireworks display" began Lady Slytherin.
"Your son?" asked Dawlish.
"Elmore Greengrass. My son" said Lady Slytherin, "After I arrived at Hogwarts, Hagrid closed the gates for me."
"Excuse me, how did you arrive at Hogwarts?" asked Dawlish/
"By coach" said Lady Slytherin. "I prefer to arrive by coach and four. It's comfortable, and there's time for a little paperwork on the way."
"Thestrals" whispered Percy Weasley.
"Your um, coach is Thestral-drawn?" asked Dawlish.
"It was" said Lady Slytherin "My lead Thestal was killed last night. Killing curse. We will be seeking compensation from the attackers families. It was a harness trained Thestral from our Peverell family's private herd, that had served our family for over seven hundred years. Rather a unique creature."
She looked, thought Justin, rather annoyed at having lost a creepy invisible draconic flying horse.
"New Thestral will have to be trained" said the goblin banner-carrier "Much expense."
"Now, the attack?" asked Dawlish, and Lady Slytherin explained – and the tale of being attacked by seventeen death-eaters, all using killing curses sounded to Justin like one of Harry's terrible adventures.
"And we're to believe they missed you with every spell?" asked Dawlish finally.
"No, I took dozens of hits on armour" said Lady Slytherin "A few penetrated but my under-layers stopped them. I do have a lot of bruises."
"Bruising" said Dawlish "from knockback jinxes?"
"Killing curses and bone-breakers" corrected Lady Slytherin "Basilisk hide is magic-resistant, and Goblin silver attenuates most spells."
"Killing curses" said Dawlish, pointedly. "Like your husband?"
"Oh they don't penetrate goblin armour said Daphne "Do they, goblins?"
"WIZARDS WEAK!" shouted the goblins, banging spear-butts and banner-butt on the ground.
Justin filed that titbit away under 'if ever attacked by angry goblin – don't killing curse it'.
"You scalped the vic – attackers" said Dawlish.
"AUDIT-ABLE ACCOUNTS BEFORE DISHONOUR!" shouted Justin – and the goblin banner-carrier grinned toothily at him, and nodded.
"Ahem" Cresswell cleared his throat "It's goblin custom to scalp kills, to provide… a record on the clan bann – " Cresswell had evidently started counting the banner's scalps, and got intimidated thought Justin. Cresswell was biting his lower lip and had drawn blood.
"Well, I do have things to do" said Lady Slytherin "I, of course had to go see – Galgack no gluch before this meeting. One has responsibilities" she added, and Justin was sure she winked at him. If she had, she was clearly almost as sarcastic as Harry. She definitely gave Justin a 'we're done here' nod.
Justin nodded to the goblins "Knight of Snake clan now leaving" he said, and twisted the black rod to open the doors. The bars retracted and the doors swung open. The banner-carrier gave Justin a slight nod, and he walked across the floor of the courtroom, and formed up behind the banner-carrier, and they left in a procession.
Justin was stuck with the goblins till they got to the floo, where the goblins formed… an honour guard of a sort, and the Banner-carrier went through first, then Justin was pushed with a spear-butt, and then… Just stepped out into the front hall of Potter Manor, long lines of children's shoes on the floor by the door, and statues and painting. The banner carrier was standing, looking around.
"Not enough weapons" they criticised. Justin moved away from the fire he could hear flaring behind him, and the clang was …
"Well that was entertaining" said Lady Slytherin. Justin turned, and the four goblin escorts came through, and took up sort of at-ease poses, spears upright.
"Are you five going to stay?" asked Daphne "We're not set up for goblin catering." she added.
The banner carrier waved the banner "Need to put banner in pride of place for Snake Clan" they said.
"Well that's not here, per se." said Daphne "I'll ensure it's next to our floor-to ceiling snake clan banner. At Slytherin castle."
The goblin nodded, and leaned it against a wall. "Have half day off, great honour serving Knight of Snake clan" they explained.
Lady Slytherin nodded. "And you four?"
One of the goblins removed their helmet "Very proud to serve Snake clan" they said, rather squeakier than most goblins. The other three took off their helmets, and scratched their ears, and combed out their… long hair with their fingers. It was oddly like seeing little goblin Lady Slytherin's.
"Would you take tea?" asked Lady Slytherin to the group.
"I ah…. Have work" said Justin awkwardly.
"Tea is okay" said an armoured goblin "Just no milk."
"Milk is weird" said another goblin, also squeakily.
"Sir Justin, thank you for being Page of the Snake clan" said Lady Slytherin "I'm sure the chief of the Snake clan can reward you, once I tell him." Justin was now fairly sure that the real reason Harry Potter had married Daphne Greengrass was that they were both sarcastic prats.
"Great honour!" said an armoured goblin.
Justin flooed back to the ministry. He had a report to write, and her majesty would want all the details. He made his way back to the Wizengamot offices, and asked Arbourus Diggle.
"Who's Cresswell?" he asked.
"Head of the Goblin liaison office" said Diggle, "Really knows goblin culture."
"Where's his office?" asked Justin.
"Level four, next to IMC" said Diggle, and brave, brave Sir Justin set off. With stomach pains and shaky hands.
The sign on the door said 'Dirk Cresswell, Head of Goblin Liason Office'
A much sobered Justin went home, said hello to mama and pater, and drank a tumbler of seven-year old scotch.
"Tough day at the office?" asked Father, a trifle sarcastically.
"Got dragooned into a goblin funeral procession. Lady Slytherin was being questioned by the DMLE… Scotland yard basically, and things nearly got out of hand." said Justin, having another drink.
"So Harry Potter nearly did something drastic?" asked Father. Justin stared at the world through the bottom of the whisky tumbler for a bit.
"Lady Slytherin's an honorary goblin warrior" said Justin, wondering if getting plastered would help. Probably not.
"It was mentioned. Seventeen werewolves?" asked Dot.
Justin shook his head "Last night, at Hogwarts… nineteen more wizards. They attacked her. They must read the daily Prophet – there was a very unflattering article about the bimbo behind Lord Slytherin – and that she'd instigated fireworks shows at Hogwarts for all the adopted children's birthdays."
"Was she hurt?" asked Dot hurriedly "She seems quite an intelligent woman. Quite a figure, but not a bimbo."
"She reports she had some bruising." said Justin.
"And the attackers?" asked Father.
"She killed nineteen people who tried to ambush her" said Justin "apparently had a pet about the article and went to Hogwarts in her armour. Goblin armour apparently stops the killing curse."
"Oh dear" said Dot "Is she quite all right?"
"Quite… ambivalent about it" said Justin. "I suspect she's worried Harry will find out the details and do something very drastic. The goblin honour guard suggested that it was Massacre time, if any of the families who swore fealty were in revolt."
"They're militant and bankers?" asked Father, sounding more interested than was dignified for someone who worked so closely with the Bank of England.
"I had… the head of human-goblin affairs was dragged in, and I had no idea what the procession we were in was about . It's a goblin funeral procession, for someone else. Anyone that gets in the way, really. Four armoured goblins, a banner carrier, Lady Slytherin, in armour that will stop a killing curse, and well me… I got appointed page of the Snake clan. Apparently it's a great honour." said Justin.
"What?" asked Dot. Justin explained about the goblins deciding that such a successful goblin warrior simply couldn't be seen by DMLE without four armed goblins and a banner carrier.
"She's apparently the must successful goblin warrior alive" said Justin "It's been ages since the last Goblin war, so that makes sense." He drank some more seven-year old scotch.
"Pretty thing, about so high" said Father being intentionally obtuse, holding out a hand to indicate height "came to dinner here in a green dress?"
Justin nodded "Given that she got to the European finals in duelling on her first attempt, with armour on that stops spells, she'd be pretty unstoppable."
"Well at least the Potter's don't have a power imbalance" said Dot cheerily.
Justin wondered whether to laugh, or cry, and exhaled. "Harry Potter has got up from killing curses twice. Not armour… just being immortal, or something. Voldemort, he was unstoppable… and Harry killed him with a disarming spell."
"Maybe he's lost his touch?" asked Father "He seemed a nice enough young fellow."
"I saw him kill five people with one spell in the battle" said Justin "He was trying to kill something, the spell bounced, and knocked down five death eaters."
"So Harry Slytherin, with all the money is a prize-fighter?" asked Father.
"He's our … big damn hero" said Justin "He taught everyone in the DA how to fight. He fought Voldemort at fourteen, and didn't die."
"So his wife being attacked won't be problem – Harry doesn't have a temper problem though." said Father.
Justin snorted "His temper, its… volcanic. Since he started courting… he's been blissed out."
"Volcanic?" asked Dot.
"Nearly killed a student in sixth year." said Justin "Who technically was a Death Eater and utter pillock."
"And?" asked Father.
"Is now his brother-in-law." said Justin.
"That could be awkward" said Dot, making a moue.
"Malfoy's only not in prison because Harry used him as an informant after the war" said Justin "One foot out of line and I suspect he goes away" added Justin.
"Aren't the Malfoy's the richest family in magical Britain?" asked Dot.
"Yes" said Justin "And Harry kept the mother and son out of prison. Daddy dearest is doing life in Azkaban."
"Which part of this has you most upset?" asked Father.
"The part where apparently the last time a Goblin funeral procession came to the ministry, it was the beginning of a goblin war." said Justin.
"And you were there, observing" said Dot.
"In a page's costume as page of the Snake Clan" said Justin "I'm not sure Her Majesty will approve."
"But they didn't declare war" said Father pragmatically.
"No" said Justin "But –"
"The goblins respect Lady Slytherin's martial prowess, and wanted to send a message" said Father.
Justin lowered his empty glass.
"They're expressing support for the Slytherins" said Dot.
"Because they kill wizards" said Justin, swallowing.
"Well, I assume it was just self-defence?" asked Dot.
Justin nodded, and shrugged "As far as I know, Daphne's an even-tempered woman."
"Doesn't have a spare sister?" asked Father with a tiny smirk.
"Has one younger sister who married Draco Malfoy" said Justin "Who Harry has on a short leash."
"That must make for amusing family meals" said Father.
Justin decided that yes, he was going to have another drink.
"Oh, and father, the goblins believe in auditable accounts before dishonour." said Justin- slightly squiffy "By which – Lady Slytherin has to scalp her enemies and the scalps go on the clan banner. Which had thirty-six human scalps on it now. Thirty-six is a lot."
"Three drinks is your limit son" said Father. "I like that they are so serious about auditable accounts."
"Thought you would" said Justin. The rest of the night was a blur.
-==0==-
Lady Slytherin, in armour attempted to have tea with five goblins in the small drawing room. The chairs needed to transfigured into different shapes- everyone's armour kept getting in the way, and Goblins are a lot smaller than Humans.
Introductions were made; Sits-quietly daughter of Ragnok, Spins-wool daughter of Ragnok, Marchant – a goblin guard working as banner-carrier, Tooth-puller, cousin of Sits-Quietly, and Eye Gouger, daughter of Axe-cleaver.
"Oh I hadn't realised you four were em… lady goblins" said Daphne awkwardly.
"Big fans of your bout last year" offered Sits-Quietly "Your mate interfered with your bout. You should punish him."
"He punished himself" said Daphne mildly.
After a rather stilted tea-party, the goblins left, having decided that fudge-slice was acceptable Goblin food, as long as their parents were not looking. Daphne went to her walk-in wardrobe, slowly got out of her armour, switching-charmed her dress and duelling underlayers off, and wincing a bit, got into a causal robe for around home, that covered her multiple purple-yellow bruises.
"Dreedle!" she called, and a moment later the small pink-face house-elf appeared.
"Mistress?" asked Dreedle.
"Where is my husband?" she asked.
"Master went out, then came home to get changed. He went to the Ministry Mistress, two hours ago." said Dreedle, wringing their hands.
"What did my husband change into?" asked Daphne.
"The duelling clothes, then the snake robes, and the snake hat" said Dreedle. "The Hat doesn't like Deedle."
"The hat likes no-one, Dreedle" said Daphne. So, Harry got dressed to fight and went to the Ministry. Bloody Excellent. This is why marrying Gryffindors, even cute ones was a bad idea.
Daphne waited over dinner – some warming charms, the children had all finished long ago , and Harry came into the Dining room, wearing the basilisk-hide robes and Slytherin's hat – with the straps tied up, and the silver boots.
He smiled at the sight of Daphne, and Daphne couldn't help smiling back. He had an unfeasibly cute crooked smile.
"You're late for Dinner" she said.
I was busy" said Harry, walking over to his chair, and hissing something to Slytherin's hat that had the head-straps undo themselves and hang loose. Daphne sniffed. Harry smelt of smoke, and faintly of sulphur.
"You smell of smoke" she said.
"I got a list from DMLE of your attackers" said Harry blandly "Ten were from vassal houses."
"And…?" asked Daphne, resisting the urge to rise her eyebrows. She contented herself with heaping vegetables onto Harry's plate. Lots of broccoli.
"So I went to see them, dropped their protective enchantments and cast fiendfyre" said Harry "They won't do that again." Daphne dropped the serving spoons with a clatter.
"And tomorrow the DMLE will haul you in" said Daphne, fuming.
"Tomorrow the DMLE will ignore it. It's an internal security matter" said Harry "Davis said that with the Vassals, I have a lot of legal latitude."
"Harry!" scolded Daphne "there's no way you'd get way with that!"
"I will so" said Harry indignantly "I just burned 'Remember your vow' into their walls with fiendfyre. Nobody died. Unless it was from fear." He smiled – that crooked, glittering smile that burnt away all Daphne's fears. He was such a bloody tease.
"You PRAT!" said Daphne, walloping him with a baguette. He laughed, and dipped the broken end in the gravy and bit into it. "Yup, I needed some baguette" he said. Daphne rolled her eyes.
"As if I'd just burn them out" said Harry shaking his head "I'm nicer than my predecessor. I've reminded them, violently that I can crush them like the scum they are, and they'd have to be very stupid to try anything now. Besides, the nineteen stupidest are all dead now. Nice work, by the way."
Daphne shook her head "They were morons, no technique. Dropped to easily blocked spells."
"And are you all right?" asked Harry, suddenly sounding very concerned.
"Bruising, where my armour stopped spells" said Daphne. "Nobody had terrifying levels of power so I didn't get blasted around."
"I told you I don't feel comfortable duelling you" said Harry.
"Well, goblin armour stops killing curses" said Daphne "As anyone reading the history of the Goblin wars could work out. Of course the Basilisk hide stops everything excerpt impacts – which goblin armour's good with."
Harry had stopped smiling "Killing curses?" he asked "Maybe I should have just burn them out after all" he said, sounding serious.
"No" said Daphne.
"You, me, bedroom" said Harry abruptly.
"Eat your dinner first" said Daphne, taking up knife and fork.
Harry drew his wand and hisssed out a spell – and the bruising stopped hurting. "I meant charming off the bruising" said Harry. "Obviously, I need a shower."
"You smell and armour's quite sweaty to wear" said Daphne mildly "We could have nice shower after dinner, then a nice soak in the bathtub."
"I'm so glad my great-grandmother liked baths" said Harry.
"Harry, it's big enough to swim in, almost. Your great-grandmother liked shagging in the bathtub." said Daphne, taking a bite of pumpkin.
"Speaking of… the Pool's finished at Black Manor" said Harry, changing the subject.
"At Black Manor?" asked Daphne "It's not inhabitable."
"But that just means the children are at this house, and the pools' heated." said Harry.
"Carrows" said Daphne.
"Swimming not shagging" said Harry.
"Hmm" said Daphne noncommittally.