I sat in between Tara and Rosita, they didn't know Beth and I wasn't sure if after all this time I actually knew her or not. I couldn't see her like that, her last moments were to be shared with her family, not me.

Carol had stayed for a bit but then headed to the truck where Eugene was with the kids, at this moment I didn't care if she tried to leave again, so I let her go and I didn't check if she was trying to leave with Mika again or not. She could barely walk so I doubted she would get far.

I could hear Maggie crying and talking to Beth, Glenn was talking to her too. Rick, Daryl, Michonne, Tyreese and Sasha stayed close to her but didn't say anything, while Gabriel was just standing there in shock and Abraham and Joshua were looking around, killing the walkers that were getting too close.

The woman I didn't know stayed close too, she knew Beth, at least for a while and I could see she was hurting too and Noah was crying.

I was feeling so many things that I actually went numb. I tried to close my eyes and figure out what I was feeling but at the moment I was a mess inside and couldn't really understand what I was feeling.

Should I be there with them and say good-bye to Beth? Should I stay here and stay out of it? Should I do it for Maggie? For Glenn? For my own sanity?

Maggie cried harder and I just knew. I looked down at my hands, I didn't want to close my eyes because when I did I saw Beth under me, covered in blood, as I punched her or the awful things she said kept repeating in my head and I didn't want to listen to them.

I saw them talking, deciding what to do but I wasn't part of it. I got in a car with Michonne, Daryl, Rick and Tara while the others got on the firefighters truck with Beth's body. We were looking for some park or green area to bury her, it wasn't easy as we were surrounded by tall buildings.

When we finally found a place, everyone that knew her helped digging her grave but mostly Maggie and Glenn did. Rick and Daryl carried her body and laid it there. They had found something to cover her body, some kind of old blanket.

Then as Gabriel read some parts of the bible, people covered the grave. I stayed where I was. I couldn't go near the place. Carol and Daryl probably thought I was like this because of what Daryl confessed but it was actually for what she had said to me.

"Don't be angry at Daryl," Carol said as she wheeled herself next to me, I was sitting on the grass, the others were trying to plan what to do now. Rick had forced her to use the wheelchair as it was obvious how she was still in pain and it was hard for her to move.

"I'm not," I muttered coldly. "I'm angry at you."

"You know what I meant. She had a crush on Daryl, had it for months. Daryl is not to blame, he didn't kiss her back or anything."

"I know… but how do you know?" I asked her, finally looking up at her.

"Beth had to give me medications back there. I woke up and she told me about it. She was hurt because Daryl had rejected her. I couldn't believe she was telling me that."

"What exactly did she say?" I asked with interest now.

"At first she tried to tell me how Daryl wasn't good for you, that I should convince you to leave him. Eventually she admitted that she had kissed Daryl." At that, my blood boiled once again. "But he instantly pushed her away. No hesitation, no kissing back. And he threatened her to leave her on her own if she tried again so she didn't. But she admitted she was planning how to do it again."

"Well, that's not what she said," I mumbled, shaking my head a bit.

"Is that why you beat her up?"

"I didn't…"

"I know you… I know you did it. She was fine when she talked to me and then she came back all bruised and your knuckles don't look that good, Cici," Carol said and I instinctively hid my hand. She just gave me a knowing look.

"I lost it, it's not like she didn't deserve it but I admit I might have gone a little bit overboard."

"Daryl loves you. That's the point. He feels guilty even if he didn't do anything and I know Beth was telling me the truth about being rejected. Nothing happened between them."

"Do you think I'm like this because I think Daryl might have liked her or something?"

"No but I'm making sure that you know it. Uncertainty can be lethal. It can poison your mind and make you do stupid things."

"Like killing Karen and David?"

"Something like that… Cecilia, I know it's not easy to be told that someone kissed the person you love. And now you have doubts and now with Beth being dead, it can make you more confused."

"I'm not confused," I exclaimed, suddenly getting angry. "And I don't even know why I'm talking to you. You want me to open up to you and then you just get a kid to replace me and run away with her, leaving me alone… so, what are you even doing, Carol?"

My mum was shocked to hear me call her by her name and not mum. I was shocked too. It's not like I wasn't calling her Carol in my mind but saying it out loud just proved how angry and disappointed I was. I stood up, not wanting to be close to her anymore. It was good she was in a wheelchair, that way she couldn't catch up with me.

"Cici…"

"Don't," I said quickly. "Just so you know, I'll forgive you, I don't know when but I will, because I don't want to carry that but that doesn't mean I'll forget or that things will be alright again. We were good, weren't we? Before the virus… And then I was happy that we found you…well, you found us, but I was happy but now I only think about how stupid and naïve I was because you are not going to change, are you? And just so you know, the person you were with dad might be gone," I said, remembering what she had said to Daryl days ago. "But cowardice is part of you and this version of you is just as cowardly and pathetic as that other person that you were when I was a kid."

"I'm sorry but…"

"But what?" I exclaimed, biting my lip to stop myself from crying. "You might have killed an entire community and could have acted brave. But killing is not about being brave, it is about doing what you have to do to be alive. Bravery is about putting others ahead of you and thinking of them and worrying about them and sticking with them during the hard times. Bravery is accepting what happened and letting it hurt you for a bit but then you have to move on. Bravery is not getting a replacement daughter and running away with her and abandoning your real and only daughter, especially after you promised me that I could count on you."

"You don't get it."

"No, I don't. The person I love the most was out there but I couldn't go look for him because you were in a freaking coma and I couldn't be a coward and abandon you because that's not me. After all, you are still my mother, want it or not and I couldn't do what you've done to me in all these years. I couldn't leave you behind even when I wanted to."

"It's not that I don't care, Cecilia," Carol said at the verge of tears. "It's that I care too much and I can't take it anymore, I can't see someone else dying."

"Well, that's life, ironically. People die… even before all of this. And that's my point. Things get ugly, people die but that doesn't mean you can run away because it hurts too much."

"What about you? You can follow your own advice about the baby?"

"Shit," I exclaimed as I shook my head. "Can't you just understand and accept what I'm trying to tell you? I could have handled that better, but it's still recent and I'm slowly learning to accept it but I didn't run away and get someone else's baby and pretend the other one didn't exist and we are not talking about that anyway."

I turned around and got away from my mother. I had tried to tell her she had been hurting me over and over again and still she wouldn't accept it so I was done talking to her.

The group decided to get into the closest building and go up at least to the tenth floor. The sun was already going down and getting dark so we needed shelter. Sasha, Abraham, Tyreese and Glenn went looking for food nearby and then they joined us. They had only found a couple of cans and some junk food. That would have to do.

I sat in between Glenn and Daryl as we ate. We had a single flashlight on, just to see what we were eating.

"We can't stay here," Rick told us. "And Beth promised Noah to take him home so it seems just right to do what she wanted to do."

"Where is that?" Sasha asked.

"Virginia," Rick said.

"That's three states away," Carol commented.

"I know but we don't have a place to go anyway and we'll help Noah," Rick told her. "We'll need to find a car or two tomorrow. Get food and if possible ammunition."

"And diapers," Tyreese said quickly, he was holding Judith at the moment.

"And anything needed for Judith."

"So we might not even leave tomorrow," I muttered.

"Maybe not, it depends how quickly we find stuff."

"Can we get away from the hospital, though?" I asked quickly. "I feel uneasy being so close to it."

"Sure thing," Rick said, nodding at me.

After the discussion was over and we had finished our food, Abraham and Michonne headed out of the room we were in and stood by the stairs one floor down, while Tara was also by the stairs but on this floor.

As everyone got quiet and people were ready to fall asleep, I heard Maggie crying and Glenn trying to comfort her in some way. Rick was rocking Judith in his arms and muttering things to the baby.

I lay down on my side on the floor, using my backpack as a pillow and within a couple of minutes I felt Daryl's arm around me, I smiled and quickly placed my hand on top of his arm. My back was against his chest.

"Are you okay?" he whispered into my ear, sending chills up and down my body.

"Yeah," I whispered back. "Are you okay?"

"Mhm," he muttered. "They didn't do anything to you, did they?"

"No, they were… alright," I told him in a soft tone. "Daryl?"

"Hmm?"

"I know you love me," I started, as I played with the hairs on Daryl's arm. "But am I enough?"

"What?"

"Am I enough?" I repeated.

Daryl sighed, made me turn so now I was lying on my back and I could see him. He had his elbow on the floor, supporting his weight and he was looking down at me, his other hand was resting on my stomach.

"You've always been more than enough," Daryl said as he pecked my lips. "Always. What's up with you?"

"I was just thinking… You do more things for me than I do for you."

"Ceci, that's not true," he exclaimed and I could see a small smile on his lips. "Like what? What have I done and you haven't?"

"Well, you taught me how to use the crossbow and gave me yours. I haven't taught you anything. You always bring me little gifts and I don't. You gave me this beautiful ring, risked your life for it and…"

"You also bring me stuff… you gave me this shirt, these shoes. You've made arrows for me. You got the blankets we used and the pillows too. What is this about?"

"I just feel like you've done more for me and I don't want you to think I don't love you or that I don't appreciate all the things you do for me."

"Cecilia, this is not a competition, about who does more for the other. We are in this together. We're a team, I do what I can and you do what you can, it's as simple as that," Daryl said softly as he moved his hand from my stomach to caress me on the top of the head, playing with my hair in the process. "Did something happen that made you feel this way?"

"No," I said quickly. "I guess I just had a lot of time doing nothing but thinking."

"So, are we good? Anything else bothering you?"

"No," I said quickly and Daryl eyed me for a bit but then let it go, not pushing it.

"Do you feel better?" Daryl asked as he lay down, resting his head on my shoulder. I used my right hand to play with his long hair. "I mean, you were so exhausted before."

"Yeah, I got to recover back at the hospital. They said I was dehydrated and had low blood pressure but I'm better."

"Are you?"

"Yes, I feel way better."

"At least something good came from this mess."

Daryl then raised his head once again and looked into my eyes. My heart beat faster. I felt as nervous as when Daryl kissed me for the first time, well more like the third time, but the time when we got together. I smiled at him and he kissed me again. I smiled into the kiss and I felt Daryl doing the same.

"I love you," I told him as he pulled away.

"I love you too."

Daryl pecked my forehead and then rested his head on my shoulder once again, his right arm around my waist once again and my left hand on top of his and my other arm kept playing with his hair until I fell asleep.

"No, Sean! Don't!"

"Hey, Cecilia, it's okay. It's me."

I opened my eyes to see Tara above me. I turned around and saw lots of people sleeping. Daryl wasn't next to me anymore. And it was still dark. I sat up and noticed I was sweating. I wiped my forehead with my shirt.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm okay," I said nodding and trying to smile at Tara.

"Who's Sean?"

"What?" I asked, my eyes getting wider and my heart beating even faster. "What did you say?"

"Sean… you kept repeating that name in your sleep."

"Did I?" I asked her and she nodded. "Where's Daryl?"

"He's keeping watch," Tara told me.

Tara offered to stay with me but I assured her it wasn't necessary. I was okay. I tried to sleep again but every time I closed my eyes I saw either Sean or Beth. I took a sip of water from my bottle and sat down, resting my back against the wall.

I didn't go look for Daryl, he would worry about me. And I had noticed Rick wasn't here either, so, Rick would worry about me too, especially because he was the only one besides Daryl who knew everything that had happened to me and at times he was more worried than Daryl, only because he lived all those horrible times with me.

I didn't go back to sleep, I couldn't. Being in the dark, basically alone for two hours was tough. A lot of thoughts came to my mind, thoughts I didn't want to have. But eventually it got light and Rick, Daryl and Rosita walked in. Daryl sat next to me.

We had decided to separate into three groups to do the errands. Rick, Carol, Rosita, Eugene, Sasha, Gabriel and the woman, whose name was Heather, were one group, the others that weren't going to do much were Mika, Carl, Judith, Tyreese, Noah, Tara, Joshua and Maggie. The last group was made up of Glenn, Abraham, Michonne, Daryl and I.

We were all together at first, some of us going inside small stores to look for things and then kept going. After lunch, we found another building, this one was a residential building. The second group was going to stay there, on the third floor. Some were going to protect the kids and once they made sure it was safe, two or three of the adults were going to other floors or apartments to look for resources.

The other two groups were going east and west, looking mainly for food. We also needed to find at least two cars since the truck had run out of gas and it was too noisy. Ten people in a car wasn't going to be comfortable but if we had to fit we would fit.

The five of us found a small supermarket quickly, the shutters were down and it seemed untouched. Glenn opened the shutter while Daryl and Abraham were ready to attack if it was needed. Nothing. Daryl knocked loudly and to our surprise after several minutes nothing came.

Abraham opened the door with a kick and the rest of us walked in with guns or knives up. Still, nothing came at us. We walked around the place and it was indeed empty. I found backpacks and I gave one to each one of them. They weren't that big but they would do.

Glenn got water, Abraham got canned food, Daryl went to look for some medicine just in case and then went to help Abraham. I went to get sweets, candies, junk food and chocolates and Michonne went to get women stuff and some underwear and shirts.

The days were hot and humid and we all had been sweating a lot and we stank. We all had gotten used to smell a bit, to not shower every day or use our clothes for several days but the heat made it all worse. We really needed at least clean underwear and a change of shirt.

The place was so small that we almost took everything from there. We even got a shopping cart and set the heavy stuff in there and all the things we couldn't fit.

The next couple of hours were a disappointment. We couldn't find a place as good as the first and if we found a place it was usually empty. We found a few more cans and we put them in the cart.

On our way back to the building we found a clothes store, there were six walkers inside but nothing we couldn't handle. Besides, Michonne was happy to be using her katana on all those walkers, she seemed to be enjoying it.

We all got some clothes for ourselves, I found a pair of tight black sweatpants with two zipped pockets, a sport blue bra, black underwear and a green T-shirt that read I love GA in red letters. Daryl also changed in the same changing room and when he was done he put on his vest again. I kissed his lips before we walked out.

Then we counted with our fingers the rest of our people and went to look stuff for them. Glenn got stuff for Maggie, Abraham for Rosita and Eugene, Michonne for Judith, Daryl for Rick and I got a nice outfit for Carl. Michonne noticed I didn't get anything for my mother so she did it. We did that since we knew those people very well, knew their size, their style.

Then we got stuff at random for the rest. Just guessing and hoping the clothes would fit and that it would be enough and we hadn't forgotten anyone.

As we walked back, Abraham kept pushing the cart and Daryl and I were holding hands. I'd like to think we were back to being okay. After I lost him, then found him and we only spent the time fighting and avoiding each other and then losing him again, I'd decided to not waste our time together.

If we had things to talk about then we'd talk and try to fix them, but I was refusing to let anything come between us. All the things Beth had said had affected me and at times they overwhelmed me when I remembered them but then I'd think of the time I spent away from Daryl after the prison. We had gotten another chance and I wasn't wasting it.

We were the last ones to make it back. Rick's group had returned an hour ago and they hadn't found much, but they got formula and baby food for Judith and plastic dishes, which was smart of them. We hadn't thought of getting stuff to eat with.

"What now?" Michonne asked as we ate.

"We need to find transportation. Same groups tomorrow," Rick told us. "Without the truck we need at least two cars. Three would be ideal or just two big cars."

"What if we can't find any?" Sasha asked.

"We stay another night here, then the next day we start moving and we'll look for the cars on our way."

"So, there's a chance we'll go through an entire city on foot?" Tara asked.

"If we have to, we will," Rick said with a nod.

Once we were all together we had stashed the rest of the food on the ground floor, not wanting to carry that and then moved to an apartment on the eighth floor. It was big enough for all of us. It had four rooms and two living rooms and we had gotten mattresses from the other apartments.

Rick was in the master bedroom with Judith and Carl, in another room Sasha and Tyreese slept. Daryl and I had the third biggest room all for ourselves. It was nice to share a bed and be able to have some privacy again. Abraham and Rosita were sharing a bed in the fourth room, they had placed a small mattress there for either Eugene or Tara, depending on their watch shifts.

Maggie was on a mattress in the biggest living room. Noah was sleeping on the couch and Michonne was taking the other couch after her shift was over. Carol and Mika were sleeping together on another mattress in the other living room. Heather had fallen asleep on a couch, while Joshua slept on a recliner chair.

Eugene, Glenn, Michonne and Gabriel had the first watch. Eugene and Michonne had gone down to the ground floor, making sure we wouldn't lose what we had found today and Glenn and Gabriel stayed on the sixth floor, watching from the windows.

Rosita, Abraham, Tara and Joshua had gotten the second watch. Abraham and Joshua took the place of Eugene and Michonne all the way down and the girls kept watch from the windows.

"We meet in six hours," Rick told us all the next morning before we left again.

The plan was to keep the same groups, otherwise it would be confusing and take a lot of time. Nevertheless, Glenn wanted to stay because he kept awake keeping watch half the night and he also wanted to stay with Maggie, who wasn't doing that good. So in his place, Tyreese came.

Usually finding cars or a way to travel was easy, or that's what it seemed like. Back at the prison we had several cars and two motorcycles. Both were Daryl's. And I thought it wouldn't take us six hours to find a car but after two hours and a half I was losing hope.

All the cars we came across had been crashed and they weren't reliable. Some had little to no gas at all and most didn't work. We found one that worked, Michonne and Tyreese were driving it back but it stopped working two blocks away.

I wasn't sure if spring/summer was starting or if it was just a heat wave, but the temperature was even higher today or that's how it felt like. I was sweating and I felt exhausted even when I was walking on the shadows from the buildings.

Abraham and Michonne were on the lead, a couple of steps behind was Daryl and I was falling behind with Tyreese. Daryl kept looking back at me from time to time making sure I was alright.

"Hey, can I ask you something, Tyreese?"

"Sure, what is it?" Tyreese said as he glanced at me. He was wearing a beanie as he normally did, and his face was wet from sweat.

"You were with my mother, weren't you? After the prison, I mean," I said nervously.

"Yeah, she found us."

"Us? Who is us?"

"I left the prison with Mika, Lizzie and Judith. Being with two girls and a baby wasn't the ideal team but we made it work, somehow. However, your mother found us just on time. She helped us survive."

"Wasn't Axel with her?"

"No, she was alone when she found us."

"What happened to Lizzie?" I asked and Daryl just turned to look at me. He knew I had tried to get my mother to talk about it but had been unsuccessful so far.

"So your mum hasn't told you? I shouldn't be surprised, it was awful."

"People die all the time," I said. "What was so different?"

"You know Lizzie wasn't right in the head. She thought walkers were just people."

"So she let herself be bitten?"

"No. She... One day we went back with your mum to the place we were staying at. We saw Mika on the ground, she was bleeding. We thought she had been bitten but she wasn't... otherwise she wouldn't be here now. Lizzie had done it... she attacked her." Tyreese's voice broke and his eyes filled with tears. "She wanted to have her sister forever and wanted to turn her into a walker.

"Wait... Did Lizzie try to kill her own sister?" I asked shocked. Lizzie was close to Sophia's age when she died and Sophia was so innocent, so gentle, so nice. I couldn't imagine someone being so young and being so messed up.

"Yes. I got her away, locked her up in a room and we helped Mika. She was stable and we managed to stop the bleeding. It took her a while but she recovered, at least physically," Tyreese told me and I couldn't help but think of the scar I had seen on her body and how Mika had changed since the prison. Now I knew why. "We tried to keep an eye on Lizzie, we never left her alone, even at night. One time she stole my knife and threatened us. She had lost it."

"So, what happened?"

"Don't think bad of your mum from what I'm going to tell you now, Cici."

"I already think bad of her, something else won't make me think even worse of her."

"So, should I tell you?"

"Please do, maybe that way I can understand why she's so attached to Mika."

"It was a hard decision and Carol did what I couldn't do. We had to think about Mika and Judith's safety plus ours. Lizzie was a threat. Carol, she..." Tyreese muttered and his voice broke once again and this time he did cry and I felt bad for asking him. "She shot Lizzie. There was no other way. She could try to kill Mika again and Judith... Even if we hadn't killed her she would have played with walkers and gotten bitten. I've tried to convince myself that she would have died anyway and we did the right thing."

"If Mika and Judith and both of you were in danger, you did the right thing," I told him and more tears escaped from his eyes.

"Your mother did what she had to. She was destroyed. Distraught. It was a big blow for all of us."

The following hour we actually concentrated on finding bottles of water and at least some nuts, the heat was killing our energy and we needed to have strength to kill walkers and keep on going.

After we had eaten something, we ended up just outside of a restaurant. We checked the cars that were there in the parking lot. We tried six and then Michonne tried the seventh and it was perfect. It had the keys, enough gas and it could be useful as it was a pick-up.

We left it there, making sure to not forget where it was and we continued to look for more cars. We found a small car with only two seats that worked but it wasn't useful so we just got the gas from it and kept going.

An hour before we had to go back, we started making our way to the restaurant but through another street, just in case we could find something but we didn't. The pick-up had two rows of seats. Daryl drove and since Tyreese was the most corpulent guy, he got in the passenger seat, while Michonne, Abraham and I got in the back.

We made it just after Rick's group. They had found a grey SUV with three rows of seats. We put most of our food and stuff in the SUV, some in the pick-up and left part of it for tonight's dinner.

It wasn't ideal but we found two big vehicles, maybe on the way we could find another car. That night during dinner we discussed how we were going to fit in the cars. We were going to try to fit nine or ten people in the SUV, with a baby and two kids it might not be as hard as it seemed like.

After dinner, for the first time I had to keep watch. Carol was on the other side of the building and so far we hadn't said a word to each other. Carl and Rick were down, looking after the cars and our supplies. It was like it was a mother-daughter and father-son night.

I knew what my mother had done was horrible, killing a young girl, and she was protecting Mika, who was obviously traumatised and only trusted Tyreese and my mother but still that didn't explain why she kept disappointing me, why she wanted to abandon me.

I tried not to think about it because I didn't want to get upset again, I didn't want to start an argument in the middle of the night and wake up everyone else and attract walkers.

A part of me wished that Carl or Rick could take Carol's place but of course that they didn't. The hours spent on watch seemed even longer and not enjoyable at all.

Finally, my mother let me know it was time. She woke up Heather and Maggie, while I woke up Sasha and Tyreese. The siblings went all the way down and let Rick and Carl know it was time.

I walked into what was our room in this apartment and as soon as I took off my shoes and made a little bit of noise, Daryl breathed more heavily but he didn't wake up. I took off my sweaty shirt and threw it next to my shoes, leaving myself in just my sweatpants and sport bra. It was hot anyway.

I got into bed as slowly and quietly as I could to not wake Daryl up. Once I got it, I turned slowly to my side and wrapped an arm around him from behind. I placed a kiss on his right shoulder and rested my head against the nice pillow.

Within seconds, Daryl turned around to face me and wrapped his arms around me. I noticed he wasn't awake though. I smiled at him, feeling so lucky to have him and I couldn't help but brush some of his hair aside and kiss his forehead. I closed my eyes and I fell asleep in his arms in just a matter of minutes.

After a very long break, I'm finally back. I wrote a whole other story but since that's over I want to finish this one. I still have so many ideas.
I reread the whole thing but if there are any mistakes or inconsistencies with previous chapters I apologise. Still, trying to remember things and where I wanted to take this story

There will be a few more chapters and then once the group reaches Alexandria, I'll finish this book and start the sequel!
Anyway, I hope you enjoy it!