CHAPTER 9

You... you want me to what?!", I croaked after I could think enough to speak. "Have you lost your fucking mind?!"

"Do you want her back or not, Dean!", Sam grumbled, crossing his arms over his chest. "Because I don't see many options here that don't get us both dead!"

"Sam, I'm not gonna make you a monster!" Sam raised his eyebrows at me in shocked surprise.

"Is that really what you think you are, Dean?"

"I KNOW THAT'S WHAT I AM, SAM! AND I'M NOT GONNA DAMN YOU TO MY FATE!" I was screaming at him now and he took an involuntary step back. I didn't want him to be afraid of me, but I had to make him see reason. He so did NOT want this!

"You are not a monster, Dean. Don't ever think that." The pained look on Sam's face was all it took to make me look away. It was like I had called him the monster instead of myself. "You're a hero... Your... my hero." That made my eyes dart back up just in time to see the wide grin spread across his face.

"What?"

"Well, yeah, Dean", Sam said with a shrug. "You've been my hero since I was old enough to pick up a machete! You know that!" His admission left me speechless for a moment and I just stood there with my mouth hanging open.

"You better close your mouth, Dean...", Sam laughed. "...before you start drawing flies!" My mouth slammed shut audibly when my teeth clicked together and Sam laughed out loud gain.

"Shut up, ya Sasquatch!", I snapped. "Anyway, we gotta go check on Garth and Bess." I turned, looked down at the werewolf still cowering at my feet, and pulled the gun out of the back of my jeans.

"NO! PLEASE DON'T KILL ME!", Benji screamed pathetically. "PLEASE, ALPHA! I'LL DO WHATEVER YOU WANT!" He scooted up close to me on his knees and reached for my belt, trying to unbuckle it. "I can make you feel good, Alpha", he whispered. "Let me please you!" With a disgusted look on my face, I stepped back and slapped his hands away from my crotch.

"Look, Buddy, it's nothing personal. But you kill people for food. That makes you a monster in our book, so I gotta put ya down." The man started blubbering as he crouched on all fours on the floor. "Hey, look at me." His face shot up to look at me with what looked like hope in his eyes that I had changed my mind. "When you get to purgatory, look for a pack that's lead by a small, blond woman named Kate. She helps people... err werewolves like you. Ones that have been... uh... taken advantage of." His expression fell, but he seemed to be resigned to what was going to happen. "I'm sorry", I whispered, raised my gun, and pulled the trigger.

"Dean...", Sam started to say something, but I cut him off as I stalked past him and out the door.

"Let's go", I growled. I know Sam wanted to talk about turning him, but after what I just did, I didn't really want to talk anymore. Sam seemed to pick up on my mood and didn't push.

"Yeah, ok."

The majority of the ride back to Garth's place was silent and I knew that Sam was itching to start yapping, but even the radio playing didn't stop him this time. He let out a heavy sigh and reach up and shut off the radio.

"HEY! You know the rules about the radio, Dude!" When I looked up at him, he was just staring at me. When he finally started talking, what he said took me completely by surprise.

"I've never heard you say that before."

"You've never heard me say what?"

"I'm sorry."

"What?", I grumbled. I had no idea what he was talking about.

"Before you ganked that werewolf back there. You said I'm sorry. You've never done that before." Great! Now I was gonna have to tell him about that conversation with Kate and about the nature of her pack. I hated this story. Every time I thought about it, the guilt over the way I treated Kate when she was alive would dig into me a little deeper.

"You remember me telling you about meeting up with Kate and her pack in Purgatory, right?"

"Yeah. You said that she helped you get away from Luther and find the portal."

"Yeah, well... that was only part of the story."

"What do you mean, Dean?", Sam looked confused and even a little hurt that I hadn't been completely open about my time in that God forsaken place.

"Kate and I talked about how she got there and about her pack." I paused to collect my thoughts and my hand tightened on the steering wheel. "She was abducted by another werewolf. He raped her over and over again." I stared out the windshield as I spoke, trying to hold myself together. I knew that if I looked at my brother, I wouldn't be able to. "As her heat got closer, she knew what would inevitably happen. She couldn't let herself get pregnant by that asshole, so she did what she had to."

"She killed herself", Sam choked out.

"She chewed open her wrists and kept them from closing back up." I could hear Sam swallow hard and it seemed like he had the same reaction to the story that I did when Kate told it to me. "When she got to Purgatory, Kate saw how werewolves that were at the bottom of the pecking order were treated by other members of their pack."

"What do you mean? Treated how?", Sam asked. I could hear the tremor in his voice and smell the fear coming off of him like he was afraid to hear the answer but couldn't stop himself from asking the question.

"They're treated the way Kate was... and the one I just ganked."

"Oh."

"Yeah, it kinda changed the way I look at things", I murmured.

"I get it. Not even monsters deserve that." I don't think Sam could ever truly understand, but I don't think I could ever really explain it so that he would.

"And it wasn't just the small, weak ones either", I said. "Some of the guys in Kate's pack are bigger than you!"

"Really?", I thought the big ones would be at the top of the food chain."

"Kate said there's always a bigger wolf." The silence became so thick after that that I felt like I could drown in it before Sam finally spoke. And when he did, I seriously wished he hadn't.

"You know, Dean, turning me is the only logical solution."

"WHAT THE HELL IS LOGICAL ABOUT ME TURNING YOU INTO A WEREWOLF, SAM!"

"Oh, I don't know!", Sam spat back irritably. "Maybe I might have a chance of NOT getting my heart eaten!"

"Sam, if I did that, there's no going back! You'll be cursed to eat cow hearts for all eternity and possibly wolf out during the full moon and kill someone! I can't do that to you!"

"I don't think we have much choice, Dean. So if you won't do it, I'll get Garth or Bess to do it. Either way, it's getting done."

And just like that, my brother had decided for us both.