The SuperStarr Chronicles
Disclaimer: "Let us return home. (Translated from Mayan)" - Namor, Wakanda Forever
Chapter 17: Back to School
Unknown Location
"Hmmm..." Magneto frowned as he watched the television. "This...is interesting."
"No information has been found about these mysterious new superheroes that appeared in several spots in Cleveland, working alongside this fair city's own superhero, Kid Razor." Alex Ramirez, a reporter for WKYC, stated on the television broadcast.
"Mysterious new superheroes, indeed." The Master of Magnetism fought down the urge to snort in amusement. It's clearly Charles's young students. Their costumes have been altered, but it's still clearly them.
"Our own Jennifer Stein tried to ask the Kid of Rock 'n' Roll about them, but unusually for him, the self-proclaimed 'Fearless One' has not revealed anything." The reporter continued.
Indeed. Magneto thought. My guess is somehow, the X-Men convinced the musician to keep quiet about them. I wonder how, considering from my research, the boy is...a notorious loudmouth. It is a shame that my priority right now is rebuilding after losing my asteroid. Based on what my detector told me about Miss Harsaw, she would have been a very handy soldier for my cause. He looked at a newspaper on his desk. It was a copy of the New York Times. The front page depicted a winged man in a red-and-blue costume. I'll have to investigate this 'Avenging Angel' further. I know he's a mutant for sure, thanks to my detector device. Maybe I can convince him to join my cause...The white-haired elder mutant was pulled out of his thoughts by a knocking on his door.
"Enter." He commanded. The door slid open, revealing a certain orange-haired Australian mutant.
"Hey there, boss lady!" Pyro waved happily.
Boss lady? A confused Magneto thought. He then shook it off and sighed. "What do you want, Pyro?"
"I've been working on a little something." The pyrokinetic announced.
"A project of your own?" Magneto blinked. Pyro nodded, his head going...rather fast.
"Yup! You wanna see it?!"
"..." Magneto started to answer when he found something shoved in his face. It looked like a script with a blue piece of paper used as a cover. He took the makeshift book and blinked at it. "...What is this?"
"A book I've been working on." Pyro said. Magneto blinked at the makeshift book in disbelief.
...he can write? I wasn't sure he can even read. The elder mutant looked at the title. It was drawn on the cover with what looked like a gold paint pen. "Moonlight Metal? The hell?"
"It's a book I've been writing the last few months." Pyro explained. "It's only a first draft, I have to do some more editing. It tells the epic tale of a rock musician who teams up with a beautiful vampiress to solve a thousand-year-old mystery. It's got it all!" The orange-haired mutant grinned widely. "Heart-pounding suspense!" He tapped his chest, simulating a heartbeat. "Action sequences that'll make you pump your fist and scream 'HELL YEAH'!" He pumped his fist in demonstration. "Laugh-out-loud comedy! And romance that'll make your heart melt!" He struck a romance novel pose.
Magneto blinked at this, then opened the book. I suppose there would be no harm giving it a brief look-through... He started to read through a bit of it. His eyes widened, face paled, and he turned it on his side. "...sweet baby Jebus..." He muttered.
"Yeah, as I said, it needs more editing. It's only a first draft, after all." Pyro reminded.
"...Pyro, have you considered self-publishing?" Magneto asked. This lunatic really thinks someone will publish this?! No publisher with an ounce of sanity will allow this to be released, first draft or not!
"I don't know how to do that."
Of course not. Magneto bit down the urge to groan. Thankfully, the Master of magnetism found a reprieve in the form of a scuffle. He and Pyro looked out the door.
"AHHHHHHHHH!" Sabertooth screamed as he ran by. Thing was, he was on fire.
Pyro grinned at that. "Hey, he's embracing the flame!" The sound of a chainsaw revving up could be heard next.
"Was that a chainsaw?!" Magneto exclaimed. Carmella Unuscione ran by, swinging said item.
"COME BACK HERE AND EAT THIS CHAINSAW, YOU MOTHER-!" The brunette mutant roared, swinging said saw around like a madwoman. Magneto blinked at this for a moment, then glared at Pyro.
"You go calm your girlfriend down before she kills somebody." He ordered. The orange-haired Australian blinked in confusion.
"I have a girlfriend?" He asked. Magneto bit down the urge to facepalm.
"Stand-Off." He growled. "You know, the girl that drools over you for some godforsaken reason?!"
"Oh." Pyro blinked. "Okay." He ran out of the room. Magneto sighed and looked at the book the young mutant wrote.
"Yes, I know the perfect place for this." He moved to put it in a wastebasket, but...
"Oh, my book!" Pyro ran in and grabbed his book from Magneto. "Nearly forgot this!" He ran back out. Magneto sighed.
I need to find better mutants for my cause. The Master of Magnetism grumbled.
Bayville High
Craig Starr walked towards the school, his backpack strapped to his back. He looked at the building and frowned as he pulled down his sunglasses.
Never thought I'd end up going back to a school. Craig frowned. It wasn't hard for him to assume why this would never happen. The young mutant codenamed Darkstar stopped attending school when he first ran away from his home. Despite no longer getting a "formal education", the Los Angelan never stopped learning. A refuge for him were libraries, where he learned by reading books. He may have been what some would call a "street kid", but he was far from stupid. He fought the urge to sigh. School never really appealed to him, even when he did attend. He really did not want to be here, but him attending would make Clara happy. Besides, it would help maintain the illusion that he was a normal kid. Well, as "normal" as someone like Craig could be. The black star-shaped birthmark that surrounded his right eye was covered with makeup to hide it.
He was pulled out of his thoughts when somebody shoved him to the side, making him grunt.
"Move it, punk!" Ethan Meyer sneered as he marched past. Craig scowled at the bully. He marched over and angrily whirled Meyer around. "What the hell?"
"Let's see how you like it!" Craig shoved Meyer to the ground. The bully angrily got up and growled.
"Oh, you think you're a tough guy, huh?" The teenager sneered.
"Tougher than you." Craig snorted. "At least I don't act like I'm trying to overcompensate for something."
Meyer's face turned bright red. "You little punk! I oughta beat you into paste right now!"
We're not on school grounds yet, so I can have some fun with this dipstick... Craig smirked wickedly as he took off his sunglasses and put them in his jacket. His right eye started to glow a dark purple.
"Wha, what's with your eye there?" Meyer blinked.
"Look into my eye, pal..." Craig said as his eye's glow grew more intense, and Ethan Meyer found himself under Darkstar's hypnotic power. The black-haired young mutant smirked. Our powers may make us dangerous, but in this case, this little jerkoff needs a bit of humbling. And besides, I'm not going to bring down a scoreboard...
A little later, Principal Kelly was walking towards his office. He noticed a certain jock walk by.
"Uhhh...mister...Matthews, right?" He piped up. Duncan blinked.
"Yeah. That's me." Duncan said.
"Are...you alright?" Kelly asked. "I mean...I...I saw you fly..." He made a motion of flying in an arc with his arm.
"...huh? Oh, that. Yeah." Duncan nodded. "Yeah, yeah. I'm good."
"You sure? I mean, what happened?"
"I...have no idea." Duncan admitted, rubbing the back of his head. "I was driving along, and...my car blew up."
"...how?!" Kelly exclaimed in amazement.
"I wish I knew."
"I mean, getting blown up in a car would normally result in death." Kelly pointed out. "How..."
"I have no idea. I just have a knack for surviving wacky stuff like that. One time, when I was a kid, my family went to Florida for a vacation. We went to Gatorland. Ever heard of it?" Kelly shook his head. "It's really cool. I ended up falling into a gator pit. Got the hell bit out of me. I recovered quick, though." Duncan shrugged. "It's like I'm a Looney Toons character or something." The brunet principal stared at Duncan in disbelief.
"You...you do realize how bizarre that sounds, right?" Kelly pointed out. Wait, is Duncan one of those mutants as well? Would make sense...He's not one of Xavier's kids. He's definitelynot one of Creed's. I wonder if they even know about...Kelly's train of thought would end up crashing into a metaphorical wall.
"I AM THE BUTTLORD!" Ethan Meyer screamed, knocking Kelly over. He fell flat on his face. His glasses flew Duncan's jaw dropped, his face paled, and his eyes went white.
"MY EYES!" He screamed, covering his face. "MY EYES! I'M BLIND! I CAN'T SEE!" He ended up trying to run, only to smack into a locker face first and fall on the ground.
"Oh, God. What was that?" Kelly groaned as he picked up his glasses and put them back on. He then heard screams and the sound of a commotion.
"BAH GAWD! THAT KID IS BUTT NEKIT!" He heard a voice scream out. It was one of the teachers. Kelly struggled to figure out which one it was. Lewis, maybe? Sounded like Lewis, with the Texan twang.
"Oh, hell." Kelly groaned. "Can't be normal today..." He saw another student.
"Are...you alright?" The student asked. Kelly just nodded and pointed to Duncan. "Please get him to the infirmary, would you? I got a streaker to catch..."
"Principal Kelly, what is going on?" Henry McCoy asked, peeking out a classroom door.
"We got a streaker!" Kelly said as he ran off. "I need help catching the little punk!"
A streaker? Did I hear that right? The confused teacher blinked. I wonder if the perpetrator is aware it's not the 1970s anymore...
In the high school's cafeteria, two of the school's students were enjoying some lunch together, as well as engaging in some conversation. At first glance, one may understandably get the idea that this was unusual. After all, these two seemed like they had nothing in common. The boy had the 'tough-guy' vibe about him with his brown leather vest, black t-shirt, and jeans. The girl was a bit more preppy, shown by her blue tank top covered by a pink cardigan and jeans. Also, the subject of their conversation could be seen as rather unusual.
"Like, she's friends with a Scottish laird?" Kitty gaped in amazement. Lance nodded. "So she is, like, royalty or something? That's so totally cool!"
"Clara's been friends with her since World War II." Lance confirmed. "And she's not really royalty. A laird is basically a fancy term for a landowner. At least, that's how Clara explained it. Meg's family's owned some Scottish land for generations."
"Ah." Kitty nodded in understanding. "You know, considering how long ago World War II was, makes you wonder how she can still be around..."
"Not if you saw her." Lance said. Kitty tilted her head in confusion. "She is very old, but she and her boyfriend don't look it. Ya see, Meg Daemon is a sorceress. A powerful one. Evidently, magic helps keeps you young. Well, in looks, anyway."
The brunette mutant just at there blinking for what seemed like an eternity. "...You know, I can actually believe that." Kitty said. "Like, I fought a Nazi in a robot body alongside a superpowered rock star."
"Wow." Lance said. "That sounds awesome."
Kitty nodded. "Like, I admit, I though kicking his butt was totally cathartic. I mean, being Jewish and all. That Kid Razor guy is a bit of a jerk, though." She frowned.
Lance snickered. "He's a rock star, Kitty-Cat. He's allowed to be."
"I'll never get why people in that town love him so much. Much less why Jubilee totally drools over him." Kitty rolled her eyes.
"Again, he's a rock star." Lance reiterated. "And to be fair, Razor's done a lot for Cleveland."
"I doubt it." Kitty scowled. "The dude's, like, so up himself."
'You'd be surprised." Lance continued. "The guy's done all sorts of stuff. Helping organize soup kitchens to feed the homeless, speaking up for various minority groups, that kind of thing. He gave the people of Cleveland something to be proud of." He then shot her a smirk. "Looks like we both had a crazy weekend."
"Yeah." Kitty nodded. She then noticed Lance frowning. "What's wrong, Lance?"
"Ehhhh, it's nothing." Lance said.
"Come on, tell me." Kitty insisted.
"Well..." Lance sighed. "I just get the feeling that whole thing in Scotland won't be the last crazy adventure Clara gets us into." Kitty's face formed a teasing smile.
"You're not a fan of that Creed woman, are you?"
"I think she's nuts." Lance answered.
"I'm amazed that she's, like, Sabertooth's sister." Kitty noted. "From what I saw of her, she actually seems...nice."
"Oh, sure." Lance rolled his eyes. "Crashes into our front yard, and then acts like she's our new den mother. Says we need 'guidance'."
"Well..." Kitty winced. "I don't think she's, like, wrong to be honest with you." Lance scowled. "I'm serious. You and those Brotherhood guys, living on your own? I mean, you guys could have just moved in with us."
"No way." Lance shook his head firmly. "Never. No way that we're going to join the X-Geeks."
"You know..." Kitty ate some of her green beans. "Like, maybe it was fate."
"Fate." Lance repeated in disbelief.
Kitty nodded in response, then drank a little bit of her milk. "Yeah. I mean, like, think about it. You guys needed guidance, and she crashes on your doorstep."
"I don't really believe in that stuff." Lance grunted.
"Kitty!" A German-accented voice called out. The two looked and saw Kurt waving towards Kitty. "Come sit with us!"
"Sorry, Lance. Gotta go." Kitty picked up her tray and walked off. "Just think about it, Lance. She could be good for you."
"Yeah, sure." Lance muttered. He watched Kitty go join the other X-Men at their table, and quietly ate his lunch.
"Hey, Lance." He looked up and saw Paul and Todd standing nearby. Paul was carrying, amusingly enough, a purple thermal bag with silver stars on it. Todd was holding a plain Tupperware container, with a small bottle of soda on it.
"What're you two up to?" The earthshaker asked.
"Well, I thought you might be a bit lonely, so I thought I'd eat lunch with you." Paul smiled and held up his bag.
"I'm just along for the ride, yo." Todd added. Lance rolled his eyes.
"Whatever." He muttered. The two boys briefly looked at each other, then took seats at the table, ending up across from him.
"Something bothering you, Lance?" Paul asked in concern. "If something is bothering you, it would be good to talk about it."
Lance waved it off. "Naw, it's fine."
"You sure?"
"It's fine." Lance said, glaring at Paul. It didn't bother the Los Angelan that much. He's been glared at by scarier people...like his brother.
"Why're you pryin', yo?!" Todd frowned.
"Because it seemed like something was bothering him." Paul answered with a shrug.
"Are you trying to play shrink, Starboy?" Lance grumbled.
"I'm just saying." Paul said, eating his sandwich. "It's not good to keep things bottled up. It's okay to talk about it." Lance's eyes briefly darted towards Kitty. Paul cocked his head.
"It's about that Pryde girl, isn't it?" He deduced.
"It's none of your business."
"You were talking to her before we came along."
"Hey Starboy, it's complicated, alright?" Lance muttered.
"Maybe you should back off, yo." Todd advised.
"Alright..." Paul sighed. "But you should talk to someone about yourself and Pryde." He brightened up. "Maybe Clara can give you some advice."
Lance rolled his eyes. "Clara. Really."
"Yeah!" Paul nodded. "She's been around the block quite a few times in her long life."
"How the hell old is she anyway?" Todd asked.
"I think she was born in the 1880s." Paul answered. Todd's jaw dropped.
"Ho-lee..."
"Yeah. So she's been around for a very long time." Paul nodded as if the fact that the Brotherhood's new mentor was nearing two centuries in age and looked like she was just entering her thirties was not a big deal at all. But then again, considering the world they lived in, this likely was one of the least weird things running around. "If you want some advice, I'm sure she'd be happy to help you."
"Yeah, no." Lance shook his head. "I doubt she'd be able to help."
"You never know until you ask." Paul smiled. Lance rolled his eyes. A frown then appeared on Paul's face.
This dude is so high on some overly-macho silliness. The Los Angelan mutant thought. He would be pulled out of his thoughts by a whoop.
"Well, well, well..." The three noticed Tabitha Smith walk up to them. "Look who it is, the resident Big Bad Brotherhood of Bayville."
"Uh, hi." Paul waved.
"What do you want, Boom-Boom?" Lance grunted.
"I heard there was a couple of new kids in town. Thought I'd want to say hello." The blonde bombshell said. She eyed Paul and smirked. "And this cutie must be one of them."
"Yes. Paul Starr. Nice to meet you." Paul introduced.
"Tabby Smith." She introduced. "What's a cutie like you doing with these two?"
"I wonder that myself." Lance muttered.
"Hey, he's cool, yo." Todd said to the earthshaker.
"Eh, we kind of ended up on their doorstep." Paul said.
"Oh yeah, now I remember." Tabitha said. "The X-Men were talking about some other guys you Brotherhood dudes got."
"We didn't recruit them, they crashed on our backyard and moved in." Lance grumbled.
"I think they're alright." Todd shrugged. "I got to help fix a spaceship. Pretty cool." Lance rolled his eyes. Tabitha chuckled and looked at Paul. She also eyed a cup of chocolate pudding Todd had...and a small bag of carrot sticks of Lance's.
"Well, Paul, is it?" Tabby asked. Said young mutant nodded. "If you're ever looking for a good time, come see me sometime." She shot Paul a wink. She then snuck a small time bomb in Todd's pudding, and made off with Lance's carrot sticks.
"Hey, you klepto!" Lance snapped at the sauntering blonde. "Those were mine!"
PFAF!
"HEY!" Todd yelped as his pudding cup exploded, causing pudding to splash all over him.
"You alright?!" Paul asked in concern.
"Yeah, I'm alright." Todd frowned. He looked at his pudding cup sadly. Well, what was left of it. "Friggin' Boom-Boom..."
"I think that Smith girl has a problem." Paul sighed.
"You think?!" Lance grunted. The three young mutants then heard screaming. "What the-?" The three mutants turned around and saw the streaking Ethan Meyer run around the room, still flailing his arms about.
"I AM THE BUTTLORD! I AM THE BUTTLORD! I AM THE BUTTLORD! I AM THE BUTTLORD!" Ethan screamed as he ran around. His actions caused a ruckus. Students screamed, some laughed, others filmed with their phones, Jean Grey vomited. Principal Kelly and Henry McCoy chased the streaking student around the cafeteria.
"Get back here, you little punk!" Kelly yelled at the naked Meyer. Hank McCoy was holding a towel. Over one of his shoulders was a pair of pants.
"Yes, they call him the Streak..." A laughing Paul started to sing.
"The hell was that, yo?" Todd blinked in amazement.
"Something in the water here." Lance muttered. A panting Kelly approached the table. He put his hands on the table and caught his breath.
"God, that kid is fast..." Kelly wheezed.
"...apple slice?" Paul offered one. The principal glared at the three mutants.
"I get the feeling one of you little bastards is behind this." He harshly whispered to them.
"Don't look at me, yo." Todd muttered, wiping his face with a napkin.
"Wasn't me." Paul shook his head.
"You wish." Lance glared.
"You should be yelling at Smith." Todd muttered. "The blonde bimbo blew up my puddin'!"
These three got a point. Paul Starr could make this kid do this, but he doesn't seem like the type to make people do that...but his twin brother likely would... Kelly thought. He glared at the dark-haired Los Angelan. "Where is your brother?" Paul only shrugged in response. "What do you mean you don't know?"
"I don't know." Paul answered.
"How can you not know where he is?!" Kelly hissed. "Don't you and him have that thing where..." He tapped his temple.
"Yes." Paul nodded. "But Craig doesn't like when I call him with it." Kelly facepalmed harder than he had ever done in his life beforehand.
"God's sake..." He muttered.
"Principal Kelly, he's heading out into the courtyard!" Hank McCoy told him.
"Ah, for the love of..." Kelly groaned. He shot a glare at Paul. "Find your damn brother." He then ran off after Meyer.
Lance snorted. "And he says I'm reckless with my powers." Hypocritical jerkoff...
"Can't explain, I think it's love! Gonna sing to you, when I feel blue..." Lila Cheney softly sang. The British-Indian mutant girl was standing at her locker. She turned the screwdriver when she saw someone blinking at her. It was a brunette girl, her hair in pigtails.
"What're you doing?" The girl asked. Lila looked at the girl, trying to remember her name.
What is this girl's name? Oh, wait. Now it's coming back to me. "...Sandy Hawkins, right?"
"Yeah, that's me." The girl confirmed with a nod. "What're you doing there?"
"A bit of tinkering and repair work, to be honest." Lila said. She held up the device that she was messing with: A small black rectangular device with a pair of pointed silver tongs peeking out of the top. Sandy frowned at that.
"It looks like a taser."
"It is." Lila confirmed. "I got it at a consignment store. It wasn't working too well, so I decided to fix it up a bit."
"Really?"
"Yup. I love tinkering with electronic devices." Lila smiled fondly at the device. "Always have, ever since I was a little kid."
"Oh, neat." Sandy said. "My uncle likes to do that stuff with cars."
Heh. I wonder what her uncle would think if he knew the kind of vehicles I tinker with... The English girl smirked. "That's pretty neat. Is he a mechanic?"
Sandy nodded. "Works at a dealership."
"That's neat." Lila said.
"Hello, laaaaaadies..." A voice called out. The two girls turned and saw a broad-shouldered redheaded teenage boy walk up to them. He was clad in the Bayville Hawks letterman jacket, red shirt, and jeans, with cowboy boots and a smug smirk.
"Oh, God." Sandy groaned, facepalming hard. "Not this guy..."
"Who is this meathead?" Lila asked.
"Kerry Windham." Sandy grumbled. She glared at said boy. "Don't you have anything better to do, Kerry? Like, play in traffic, for example?"
"Hey, I just saw the new girl here, and I wanted to introduce myself." Kerry said. He then gave Lila a lecherous smile. "What's yer name, babe?"
Lila's eyes narrowed. "Delilah." She responded in the flattest tone she could possibly muster.
"Delilah, huh? That name sounds deeeeelighful!" He chuckled. "Get it? Deeee-lightful Deeeee-lilah?"
"Oh yeah, you're a regular Gabriel Iglesias." Lila droned, fighting the urge to roll her eyes. She glanced at Sandy. "This guy's stand-up career is really taking off." Sandy giggled.
"So, you from around here?" He asked.
"London. England." Lila maintained her flat tone.
"England, huh?" Kerry chuckled. "Never been there."
"I wouldn't recommend it nowadays."
A wicked grin formed on Kerry's face. "Say, maybe you and I could engage in a little...cultural exchange, eh?" He started thrusting his hips. "Eh? Eh?" Sandy and Lila looked at each other.
"Yes, he's always like this." Sandy muttered.
"You know..." Lila smirked, holding up her repaired taser. "I've been looking to test out this little gizmo..." She pointed it at Kerry.
"What's that?" Said football player asked.
Krackl!
The taser fired a small bolt of lightning, sending Kerry flying down the hall.
"WAUUUGH MAH NIPPLES!" He howled. Meanwhile, Duncan Matthews was putting a book away in his locker.
God, that was horrific earlier. He mentally shuddered as he shuffled some objects around in his locker. I thought my eyesight would never come back for a moment. That was scary. Ah well, hopefully, that won't happen again. He started humming happily as he pulled out another book and closed the locker up. He noticed other people running away.
"Huh?" The blond jock blinked. He turned around and saw Kerry flying towards him spine-first. His eyes widened.
"OH MY GOD!" Duncan screamed and tried to run for it, but...
SLAM!
"AGH MY SHOULDER!" The blond jock howled as Kerry smashed him into the lockers. The two football players went down in a heap.
"Wow. What a woman..." A dazed Kerry drooled. Sandy's jaw dropped.
"Well." Lila blinked as she and Sandy watched a crowd gather around the two. "That just happened." She looked down at her taser. "Yeah, I need to make some adjustments. A power level adjuster is a must here."
The brunette girl blinked at the English inventor. "...I will pay you to make one of those for me." Lila smiled, closed her locker, locked it, and threw her arm over Sandy's shoulders.
"Come with me, my friend." She said as the two girls started to walk away. "Let's discuss that, shall we..."
"I AM THE BUTTLORD!" The two girls heard Ethan Meyer yell out. They turned and saw Kelly and McCoy run by. The crowd of students was chattering like they saw something shocking.
"MY EYES!" Duncan Matthews screamed, covering his face with his good arm. "MY EYES! NOT AGAIN! WHY GOD WHY?!" Lila and Sandy looked at each other in confusion.
"What was that all about?" The British-Indian girl inquired. Sandy shrugged.
"Your guess is as good as mine." The brunette girl answered honestly.
"Hah!" A girl whooped as she hit the ball with her hockey stick. The girls' field hockey team was practicing in the gymnasium. And they were being watched by a certain silver-haired Brotherhood member.
Ahhh, I love watching the girls play sports. Pietro smiled. He then noticed that someone else was sitting in the stands: A certain dark-haired, blond-banged teenager. Hey, isn't that that superhero nerd? Doesn't strike me as the type to enjoy watching sports. Maybe he thinks the Invaders will come visit. The silver-haired teenager smirked. He walked down the bleacher to sit next to Roger Gruenwald. "Well, well, well. If it isn't the superhero fanboy."
Roger blinked at the speedster. "I'm sorry, who are you?" Pietro blinked at that.
"And here I thought I was famous. I mean, I know you certainly are around here."
"Well, I am known for being a historian when it comes to superheroes." Roger said. "I mean, you know Bayville had one?"
"...really." Pietro said.
"Yeah." Roger nodded. He held up his phone. It showed an image of a woman wearing what looked like a dark purple trenchcoat with black pants and dark purple boots. A black scarf was over her mouth, and her eyes were covered by a pair of dark purple goggles. Her black hair was free, and her head was topped by a dark purple fedora. "The Shadowoman."
"How fascinating." Pietro said dryly.
"Yeah!" Roger nodded. "It was said that she had power over darkness. She could manipulate shadows, fly, phase through objects, and presumably was very tough. She disappeared a couple years ago. Nobody knows what happened to her. Some say she retired, others say she died."
"Buddy, let me give you a hint." Pietro said. "If you want people to not think you're weird, maybe you should not talk about this superhero stuff."
"Dude, superheroes have been around for decades. You really think people would not be interested in them?" Roger frowned. "Besides, I think it's really neat that Bayville had one of its own. I actually would love to interview her. Too bad nobody knew who she was..."
"Yeah, because I'm sure she would love to be interviewed by a nerd like you." Pietro rolled his eyes. "Why are you even here?"
"Supporting a friend of mine." Roger pointed out a girl. Pietro eyed the girl that he was pointing at: A certain Asian-American girl, her hair pulled into pigtails.
"Oh yeah, Red's buddy." Pietro noted. "She's cute as hell."
"Her name is Taryn." Roger frowned.
"Oh." Pietro blinked. The two watched the girls practice in silence for a minute. Roger pulled out his phone and fiddled with it. The speedster noticed this. "Bored already?" He mocked.
"Naw, just checking on it. It got busted up after that weird incident at the soccer field. A friend of mine managed to repair it." Roger answered. The two then heard the girls screaming. "What the-?!" The two boys looked up.
"I AM THE BUTTLORD! I AM THE BUTTLORD! I AM THE BUTTLORD! I AM THE BUTTLORD!" Ethan Meyer howled as he ran in, Hank McCoy hot on his trail. The chemistry teacher was nobly trying to get his towel around the boy. Meyer's appearance caused chaos to erupt. Girls screamed and ran.
"You perv!" Taryn yelled, angrily throwing the field hockey ball at the bully. He's lucky I don't have my nunchucks...
"Huh. There's something you don't see every day." Roger noted. Pietro's face paled and his eyes went milky white.
"MY EYES!" Pietro screamed, covering his eyes with his hands. "MY EYES! MY BEAUTIFUL BEAUTIFUL SEXUALLY INTERESTING EYES! I'M BLIND! WHY?! WHY?! SWEET BABY JEBUS, TELL ME WHY?!" He tried to run for it, but tripped over a bleacher and fell down the stands. The silver-haired speedster ended up landing on a heap on the ground. "Owieeeee..." Roger blinked at this.
"You are a weird dude."
In one of the bathrooms, Fred Dukes was washing his hands, when he noticed a pair of eyeglasses on the sink.
Someone must have left those behind. The Texan mutant surmised. He picked them up and looked them over. They were thick glasses with black frames, almost stereotypical "nerd" glasses. All they needed was the white tape on the frame between the lenses. Fred put them on. Huh. He thought. I look like a nerd with these glasses on. He snickered an put his finger on his head.
"The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!" Fred said.
"That's a right triangle, you idiot!" A boy in one of the stalls snapped.
"D'oh!" Fred grunted. He then heard some screaming.
"What was that noise?!" The boy asked.
"I'll look." Fred said, still wearing the glasses. He peeked out the door, and blinked when he tried to see through them. They made everything blurry.
"I AM THE BUTTLORD! I AM THE BUTTLORD! I AM THE BUTTLORD!" Ethan Meyer screamed as he ran by, still naked. Other students in the hall had the same mixed reactions. Some screamed in horror. Some laughed. Others jeered. One person threw up. Fred blinked.
"Sounds like that jackass bully Meyer." Stall Boy said. "What's going on out there?"
"I couldn't tell." Fred answered, taking off the glasses and frowning at them. "Everything was blurry."
"Blurry?" Stall Boy said. "I think you need glasses, pal."
Fred frowned at the glasses. These glasses are weird.
"So, Rogue..." Risty Wilde grinned. "Did you have a fun weekend?"
"It was...interesting." Rogue answered. "What did you do this weekend?"
"Eh, mine was pretty boring, to be honest." The purple-haired teenager shrugged. "Just hung out with me grandmother."
"How's she doing, by the way?" Rogue asked. "You said she was sick recently."
"Tough old gal." Risty chuckled. "It'll take a lot more than a cold to take her down."
"Well, that's nice to hear." Rogue said.
"I AM THE BUTTLORD!" Ethan Meyer screamed as he ran by, flailing his arms. Rogue sneered in disgust.
"Aw, great!" She grumbled, rubbing her temples. "Ah did not need to see that! PUT SOME CLOTHES ON, YA WEIRDO!" Ah wonder if the Professor will erase this for me... Risty's cheeks expanded to the size of softballs, and her face turned green. The purple-haired girl clamped her hands to her mouth.
"Bafwoom!" She managed to blurt out before running like her life on the line.
Boof!
She ended up running into Principal Kelly, and...
"BULLEEEEARGH!" The disguised Mystique ended up vomiting all over him.
"OH GAWD!" Kelly screamed.
"Ohhhh..." Risty moaned.
"You alright?" Rogue asked as she ran over.
"I am, but my suit isn't." Kelly groaned. Is this what my job is going to be like with all these super-kids here?! "Can you take Miss Wilde to the school nurse, please?"
"Yeah, sure." Rogue nodded. "Come on, Risty. Let's go..." She helped the supposedly-normal British teenager to said school staff member.
"I did not need to see that..." Risty groaned. Kelly sighed and looked down.
"I'm going to need to bring a spare suit to work, aren't I?" He sighed. "Where did that streaker go to?!" Mr. McCoy ran up to him.
"Principal Kelly, are you alright?" He asked.
"Yeah, I just need to go home and change." Kelly sighed. "Keep an eye out for the streaker, would you?" He then heard more screaming. "Oh, for God's sake..." I'm going to have to keep more suits in the office, aren't I? He walked away when he saw Craig hanging around listening to some music. Well, what do you know? A scowl formed on the principal's face as he marched towards the young mutant. You know, I can wait to go home...
"Hate! Hate! I'm your hate! I'm your hate when you want love..." James Hetfield screamed into Darkstar's ears, said teenage superhuman bobbing his head to the beat of Lars Ulrich's drums. Kelly coughed and tapped Craig's shoulder. The Los Angelan mutant blinked and took his earbuds out.
"Yeah?"
"You got a class to go to?" Kelly scowled.
"No."
"Good. I want to talk to you. Look at me." He pointed at his ruined suit. "My office. Now." Kelly marched towards said room. Craig shrugged and followed him. The two walked by the secretary.
"Principal Kelly, what happened to you?" She asked in concern.
"Student got sick." Kelly said simply as he entered the office, Craig behind him. He took a seat behind his desk. "Take a seat, Mr. Starr." Craig did so across from him. "Now, I want to know something. Is Mr. Meyer's little streaking rampage because of you?"
"What do you mean by that?" Craig asked.
"Did you use your powers on him?"
"Yes. I did. He was acting like a punk, so I thought I'd give him a little...attitude adjustment." Craig answered. "And before you ask, Kelly, I was not on school grounds."
"And I should believe that because..."
"I'm. Not. Alvers." Craig growled at Kelly. "Unlike that hormonal pinhead, I'm not stupid enough to use my powers to endanger people simply to impress a girl in a way that would have resulted in a disaster that would have caused numerous deaths."
Kelly thought about this. "...fair enough. You may not have nearly killed me, but you did cause quite a few traumas. I could have sworn I saw a few students go blind."
Craig shrugged at that. "They'll live. Which is more than I could say about the scoreboard incident. If it weren't for the scoreboard 'miraculously' flying out of the way, there would be a lot of dead people right now."
Kelly sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "And what about Meyer himself?"
"You can't say the little bitch didn't deserve it."
"Is there a way to wake him up?" Kelly asked.
"Sure." Craig shrugged. "All I have to do is snap my fingers. He won't remember a thing."
"And how would you explain to him why he started streaking?" Kelly groaned.
"Maybe he entered a fugue state." Craig answered. Kelly sighed.
"Look, this might be against my better instincts, but I actually believe you." Kelly said. "I actually do believe you did your mind-whammy thing on him outside school grounds."
"It's called hypnosis." Craig said.
"Whatever." Kelly growled. "You caused a lot of havoc here today. When Meyer wakes up, he's going to want an explanation as to why he suddenly does not remember running around the school butt-naked."
Craig shrugged. "Tell him it was karma biting him back for his bullying." The young mutant got up. "I kept to the deal, Kelly. And people will recover from this." He walked out of the office. Kelly scowled.
Teenagers with superpowers. What deity did I infuriate to deserve this? "I'll have to give Creed a call..." He muttered as he picked up the phone and started dialing. I hope McCoy has managed to keep up with that little streaking punk...Meanwhile, Craig had walked out of the office. He noticed Hank McCoy walk in, wrestling with Meyer. The chemistry teacher had managed to get a pair of pants on Meyer and a towel around him just in case.
"YOU CANNOT DO THIS TO ME! I AM THE BUTTLORD!" The bully screamed like a madman. Craig watched this impassively. He then snapped his fingers, making sure to keep his hand hidden. Meyer blinked as he found himself out of his trance. "Huh?" He blinked in confusion. "Where am I?"
"You are in Principal Kelly's office." Hank said. He noticed Craig leave but didn't think much of it. Meyer looked around in a panic.
"What happened?!" He looked down and screamed. "Where are my clothes?!" He exclaimed. Kelly walked out. "What's going on, man?!"
Now how on Earth am I going to explain this? The principal sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.
When I was thinking about what I can do for this moment of relaxation, and this came to me. Just something really silly after all the action of the two previous storylines. I'm not sure what to do from here next, to be honest. I kind of want to wait until Pyro is on board before doing a new version of the Cereal Box Saga...
The scene with Pyro and Magneto was one I actually came up with a long time ago. I have no idea what inspired it. Likely my own insanity.
Stand-Off was Carmella Unuscione's codename in the Age of X reality.
Jillian Marie Woods/Shadowoman first appeared in Quasar #45 (April 1993). When she first appeared in the comics, she wore a version of the Jessica Drew's first Spider-Woman costume, with different colors. For this universe, I wanted to give her a design that homaged The Shadow, to give her more of a pulp feel. If I get to the point of the episode "Walk on the Wild Side", I want to incorporate her.
The scene with Blob and the glasses is an homage to The Simpsons.