She woke in the dark, as exhausted as if she had not slept at all. She grasped the sheets-cool, cheap cotton. The room was full of the dry, dusty hot-metal smell of the radiator and dimly lit by the faint blue glow of the charging indicator light on her phone.
She was home. Sarah closed her eyes, melting back into the pillow in relief-then almost jumped out of her skin when her cell phone started ringing.
Fumbling awkwardly with the cord of her charger, she pulled it loose and checked to see who was calling. Toby? In the middle of the night?
Immediately she swiped up on the screen. "Toby?" she said urgently. "What's wrong? Did something happen?" A horrible thought occurred to her. "Did you have a bad dream?"
"Huh? No!" He sounded sleepy and indignant. "I'm not a baby, Sarah. If I have a bad dream I can deal with it by myself."
"Then what is it?" She pulled her phone away from her ear and checked the time. "Jesus Toby, it's 3am-what's going on?"
"Oh, I forgot," he said, guiltily. "It's only midnight here." He paused. "Mom and Dad are fighting."
"Yeah?" She ran her fingers through her sleep tangled hair. Something must be up-that wasn't normal.
It wasn't as though Karen and her father never fought-she was sure they did. But Karen hated to make a scene, even-or especially-in her own home, and she was beyond overprotective of Toby. The most Sarah had ever seen was the two of them ignoring each other for half a day. "That sucks Tobes, I'm sorry."
"It's about you."
"Me?"
"Yeah-Sarah, did something happen? Dad is ranting and raving about flying down to see you-I think he's drunk."
"Really?" She hadn't seen her father drink since the divorce.
"Yeah-Mom is trying to talk him into going to bed. What happened, Sarah? Are you ok?"
"Yeah," she said quickly, "Yeah, kiddo I'm fine." This was her fault. She had to fix this. She had to think of something. "Can you put Dad on?"
"Yeah, just a sec." There was a lot of rustling on the other line, then Sarah heard her father's voice, sounding angry but too faint to make out the words, then Karen saying something softly. From the tone, Sarah could just picture the pained expression on her face, her wringing hands. Toby said, "It's Sarah," and there was a lot more rustling.
"Sarah?" Jesus, Toby was right; he sounded hammered. "Sarah, is that you?"
"Yeah, Dad."
"Jesus Christ Sarah," he said. "I've been trying to get a hold of you for almost a week now. Where in the hell is going on?" Distantly she heard Karen's voice, soft and admonishing.
"I'm sorry Dad," she said. Tears were forming in her eyes—God, she was tired of crying. "I…" What could she say?
"Oh honey, don't cry." She heard him curse under his breath. "I just…why didn't you return my calls? I was so worried."
"I…" Her mind raced, and the words fell out of her mouth before she even realized she was thinking them: "I was mugged."
"Mugged?"
"Yeah—Tuesday," she said, thinking fast. "He got my phone; I just got a new one yesterday. I didn't realize you'd been calling so much."
"Oh God, are you ok?"
"Yeah! Yeah Dad, I'm fine," she said quickly.
"Your manager called me—she sounded worried."
"Yeah, I was pretty rattled. He…the guy, he wasn't, you know, polite about it, but he didn't actually hurt me. I'm fine, really."
"You're sure?"
"Yeah."
"Well Jesus Sarah, why didn't you say something? Why didn't you call?"
"I didn't want to worry you," she said, her voice thick.
"Honey," he said, his voice gentler now. "I'm going to worry about you no matter what-that's my job. Trust me, nothing that you could tell me is worse than what I'm going to imagine if I don't hear from you."
I don't know about that, Dad. "I'm sorry," she said again.
"Do you want me to come down there?"
"No. Dad, I'm fine. I can handle this."
"You sure?"
"Yes," she said firmly. It had to be true.
She heard Karen's voice again in the background. "Hang on," he said. "Karen's here, do you want to talk to her?"
"Sure," said Sarah.
"Sarah?" Karen's worried voice. "I'm so relieved to hear you're alright."
"Thanks," she said. "I'm sorry I worried you guys."
"No, no," Karen said quickly. "Like your father said, that's our job. We're just glad you're ok." She paused. "I know it must be pretty late over there, and I've got to get Toby to bed." She heard a whine of protest in the background. "Call back soon, ok?"
"Sure," Sarah said. "I will."
"Ok honey. Good night."
"Night-can you put Toby back on for a sec?"
"Sure." She heard rustling and the distant sound of what was probably Karen telling Toby in no uncertain terms to keep it short.
"Hey Sarah." She could hear his sleepy grin in his voice, and smiled.
"Hey Tobes. Everything's alright now, ok?"
"Yeah, I heard. Thanks Sarah."
"No problem kiddo. Now go back to bed before Karen has kittens."
"K. Later."
"Bye."
She sat there for a while after Toby had hung up, staring at her phone. She'd been dreading talking to her father, to them all, but now that it was over a lightness filled her chest and she realized she did not feel so tired. She checked her phone again—it was almost 4am. The diner opened at 5—if she showered now, she would just barely have enough time to make herself presentable and walk over. There was a small, tiny chance that she could hang on to this job, and she might as well find out now.
She caught a lucky break—Jen, not Randy, was opening that day. Randy was moody and unpredictable—Jen wasn't exactly friendly, but Sarah was pretty sure that Jen liked her. Up until now, she had been a decent waitress, and as a rule Jen liked anybody who could do their job without constant nagging. She did seem cautiously happy to see Sarah, and ushered her quickly into the dingy manager's office when she said she wanted to talk.
She decided to stick with the mugging story. Aside for the talk she'd had with her father last night and a few other such inspired conversations in her senior year of high school, Sarah had never found it very easy to lie. She tried to keep everything as simple and close to the truth as possible.
"It happened last Tuesday, after my dinner shift, I was on my way home from the store." She swallowed nervously, not sure if her shaking voice was making her story more authentic or suspicious. "He…um…he was pretty rough with me, and…he said some pretty scary things." All true. "I kind of freaked out for a little while afterwards. Didn't want to leave the house." She couldn't stand to look Jen in the eye any longer, and turned her gaze to her lap. "I'm sorry I didn't say anything earlier—and I'm sorry I stopped calling in. I just—everything seemed a lot more complicated than it really was. That's all I can say."
When she finally dared look up, Jen was looking at her with a guarded expression. Sarah turned back to her lap.
Finally Jen spoke. "Well first of all," she said. "I'm really sorry that happened to you—it sounds awful." Sarah looked up hopefully—it looked like she meant it.
Then Jen frowned and folded her hands, and Sarah couldn't keep her face from falling. "But I want to be honest with you-usually, two no-call, no-shows in a row means you're out of a job—and you've got double that, plus all the times you called in."
Sarah kept her eyes down. She didn't need to pretend to look chastened—her face flushed with guilt. She'd worked shifts where people just didn't show up before; it was a huge pain in the ass. Inwardly she cringed with embarrassment at how poorly she'd handled everything. Why hadn't she thought of this before?
"Technically you do still have a job, but to be frank I think that's only because Randy is so preoccupied with inventory coming up that he hasn't had time to think about it." She stopped and looked at Sarah thoughtfully for a moment before continuing.
"I'll talk to him." She eyed Sarah's hopeful expression and her frown deepened. "You've been with us for a while, Sarah, and you've been reliable up to now. That's saying a lot in this industry. Now, I make no promises—we've let people go for less, and I can guarantee Randy's going to be cranky until we're done with inventory. But—I'll talk to him."
"Thank Jen," Sarah couldn't stop grinning. She'd heard Jen "talk" to Randy before. He hated making decisions—Sarah had overheard conversations where he didn't even let Jen finish speaking before he agreed to the solution she proposed. "Tell him I'll work any shifts he wants—I'll organize the walk-in!"
"I'll pass that on," Jen said, allowing a small smile to escape. "Now—get out of here and get yourself something hot to eat. You look a little peaked."
"I will," Sarah promised. "Thanks again, Jen—thanks a lot!"
"Don't thank me yet," she said grimly. "Call in tonight—if you're back on the schedule, it means I caught him in a good mood."
As Sarah was shutting the office door behind her, she heard Shanna's voice calling her.
"Hey you!"
Sarah turned—Shanna was in the dining area setting tables. Her apron pocket bulged with rolls of silverware and napkins.
"Hi," she said sheepishly.
"Where have you been!" Shana came in for a hug, and Sarah managed to keep from flinching. She tried to hug Shana back the way she normally did, ignoring the feeling of wanting to jump outside her own body that sprung up as soon as she felt arms wrapping around her. She began slowly counting to ten inside her head.
I am fine she told herself between numbers, taking slow, deep breaths. I am fine. She got to "four" before Shanna let her go.
"I've been calling and calling!" Shana complained as she let Sarah go. "You just disappeared! Everyone's been worried about you—especially Brennan," Shanna added with a knowing smile.
Sarah laughed a little and rolled her eyes. Brennan's crush on her had been Shana's new favorite thing to tease her about. God, she hadn't even thought about that for days.
"He's been moping around for more than a week!" Shana went on. "He broke four glasses last night—Randy practically had an aneurysm." She sighed. "He's the clumsiest bartending I've ever seen—it's almost cute."
Sarah laughed again; it sounded a little awkward to her ears, and she winced. "Why didn't you fix him up with someone while I was gone?" she accused. It was such a relief, falling into their familiar banter. "I gave you the perfect opportunity!"
"Ugh." Shana rolled her eyes. "That one is beyond my powers. He's kind of cute if you look at him the right way, but twenty-two and desperate is not a good look. Besides," she grinned evilly. "He's a one-woman kind of man, you know?"
Sarah rolled her eyes and moved to leave. "Ok, bye Shanna! See you later!"
"Not so fast!" Shana shoved her playfully on the shoulder. "So? Where'd you go? I was calling you nonstop for two days and Becca said you freaked out when you were in on Thursday. What's up?"
Behind her friendly smile, Shana's eyes looked worried—maybe a little scared. Again, Sarah was confronted with just how badly she had screwed up by going just going completely silent for a week. For a moment, the urge to tell Shana what had really happened to her was overwhelming.
But that was impossible. She swallowed, and told Shana the same story she'd told Jen. Shana's eyes were wide by the time she was finished, and she reached out to again to hug Sarah.
"Oh man, you poor thing! No wonder you freaked. That sounds awful!"
It was easier to get through the hug this time. "Yeah," she said, her voice thick. "It was hard."
Shana let her go with a comforting squeeze. "You call the cops?"
"No." She'd had gone back and forth about this, but ultimately the fear of being caught in a lie and the guilt over wasting police resources had convinced her it was better to brazen this out without filing a police report. "I was too scared to leave the house right after, and then…" She gave Shanna an uncertain smile. "I didn't think they'd believe me. Besides," she repeated. "He only got my one of my cards, and I canceled it as soon as I got home."
"Yeah, you're right—better to leave it alone. Hey! I got the perfect idea: A bunch of us are going out tomorrow night—dancing at Central, hitting the bars. You should come!"
"Shanna, I don't know." Coming here had been hard enough—the thought of going out again, so soon and at night, make her deeply uneasy.
"Come o-o-o-n," Shanna wheedled. "It'll be good for you! You look like hell; you need to get good and drunk and blow off some steam!"
Sarah smiled ruefully. Well, she had said she wanted her life back. Besides, if the Goblin King kept his word, she had a whole week to catch up on sleep. And maybe while they were out she could pick up a little something to mellow her out, make absolutely sure she slept soundly in the meantime.
No dreams.