Severus' Daughter: Year One
Chapter 13: Painful Talks
Severus woke up in the hospital wing of Hogwarts, Minerva sleeping in the chair next to his bed, though she looked troubled. He sat up, groaning slightly as his mind replayed all those terrible memories that were stolen from him. He couldn't stop the tears that were leaking from his eyes as his mind was taken over by them, again and again.
"Sev," Minerva said tiredly, looking at him with sad, worried eyes, leaning over to hold his shaking hand, "It's okay, Severus. We will do everything we can to save her. I promise. She won't die. She won't walk to her death. Even if we can't find anything, we will just take her away to somewhere she will be safe from Albus and You-Know-Who,"
Severus just nodded, closing his eyes as more and more memories assaulted his mind. He couldn't pay attention to her when his mind was so full.
"Is there anything you need, Sev?"
He took a shaky breath, or three, then opened his eyes and looked at her, "I need you to go and bring Regulus to me. I need to talk to him,"
Though he didn't know how to talk to him about what he now remembered. It hurt too much to even think of it, his hand went to his stomach as the memories stuck in the forefront, playing on a loop.
"Sev, I can't just leave you like this,"
"Please. Mum, please. I need to speak to him," he had never begged for anything before, but he needed this. He needed to make sure Regulus knew the truth. That he knew that he didn't remember until now. That he wasn't cold, or heartless, or anything else. That he would just act as if what happened had never happened.
He needed Regulus.
"Okay. I will be back soon," she kissed his forehead gently and squeezed his hand before leaving.
And he broke. He couldn't stop himself really. He tried but the more he tried the more he broke.
Why?
What did he do to deserve all this?
Why did Albus hate him so much as to take these memories, these people from him?
Why?
Why did everything have to hurt?
His hand didn't leave his stomach the entire time he noticed when he calmed down enough to be somewhat in the present. His hand clenched the infirmary gown he was wearing so tight the skin on his knuckles started to split at the tension. But he didn't care.
Everything hurt too much for him to care about that.
…
Regulus sighed as he made himself a coffee in his small kitchen. He leaned against the counter, trying to drown out everything that was on his mind from work and, well, everything.
There was an urgent sounding knock on the door and he groaned as he went to answer it.
He was shocked to find his old transfiguration professor on the other side. He wasn't aware that she knew where he lived, but he supposed Severus had probably told her.
Not that he could imagine why he would after…
He was concerned at the evidence of tears on her face, though, and the clear worry.
"Professor, how may I help you?" he asked, trying to hide his nervousness.
"I… Severus is in the hospital wing. He… He needs to speak to you,"
He tried to hide his concern but he didn't think he did a good job of it if the look on her face was anything to go by.
"I'm sorry, Professor. I hope he is okay, but I can't go and see him. Not after what happened. I… I just can't. I hope you can understand,"
He tried to stop the door but she stopped him with her foot, he sighed before he could stop himself.
"Professor, please. I can't speak to him,"
"I don't understand what is happening, but he is my son, and you used to be his best friend. I don't know what happened between you both, but please, Regulus. He needs to speak to you, he has just found out some troubling news and he needs you, he needs his friend,"
Now that made him pause. All of it, really. How didn't she understand? How didn't she know what happened between them? She was there. She… She didn't remember, clearly. But then, if she didn't remember…
No. He couldn't even consider it…
Right?
None of this made sense.
But he couldn't stop the concern for Severus filling his heart.
He couldn't stop the pain.
He couldn't stop the questions.
He needed to know.
Severus needed him.
But could he handle seeing him again?
…
Severus looked up from his knees, which were tucked against his chest, when he heard the door open. He almost sighed in relief when he saw Minerva and Regulus. But there was a lot of fear, and pain that filled him. Too much for there to be any relief at all really.
He saw how guarded Regulus was and he hated it. He hated the pain in those blue-grey eyes. He hated the fear when he looked at Severus.
"Regulus, you came," Severus whispered, almost as if he didn't believe that he actually had.
Regulus nodded once, and Severus saw some concern in his eyes as he gave Severus a once over.
"Your mother said you needed to talk to me," Regulus said, his voice hard, but there was a tiny crack of emotion there, too.
"I…" Severus didn't know what to say. He knew they had to talk about… it. But he didn't know how.
"If you aren't going to say anything, I will just leave,"
"I don't know how," Severus admitted desperately.
"You don't know how, what?" Regulus said, his voice had a definite edge to it.
"I…"
"Right. Goodbye, Severus," Regulus turned to leave, and it hurt.
"I remember," Severus burst out as Regulus started walking away.
Regulus spun round, glaring at Severus.
"Severus, you can't just dump this shit on me now. You tell me for months that you don't know what I am talking about, as if it meant nothing to you, as if he meant nothing to you, as if I meant nothing to you. You shrugged me off, time and time again whenever I tried to talk about it with you. Tried to help you heal. The whole time I was hurting, too. You push me away for months, and then just abandon me altogether. And now, after thirteen years, you just dump on me that you 'remember'. You can't just do shit like this to me, Severus," Regulus practically yelled and each word of it stung Severus' heart and brought tears to his eyes
Minerva looked between them in shock, and was almost ready to pounce on Regulus like a mother dragon, but she stopped when she saw the pain in both of their eyes.
She needed to know what was going on.
"Do you honestly believe that I would willingly forget our son?" Severus said, pain dripping in his voice, and the shock almost brought Minerva to her knees as she looked at him, "Do you believe I would pretend that I didn't carry him in me, and love him, and cherish him, and birth him, then push you away, just because I was in too much pain? Do you truly believe me capable of just wilfully forgetting the little boy I love more than life itself? That I would wilfully forget my love for you? Everything we had together? Just to save myself from the pain? You believe me capable of that? I gave birth to him, Regulus. I held him in my arms. I… And you think I would just pretend it didn't happen? That he didn't exist? That he didn't matter?"
"What was I supposed to believe, Severus?" Regulus shouted, "After everything you said to me, what was I supposed to believe? Especially when you started dating Lily out of nowhere, as if we didn't matter,"
"I don't know, but surely you knew me better than that by that point. You knew I loved him. You knew I wanted him. You knew… And yet you didn't think for a second that anything might have been wrong with me? That I might have been obliviated?"
Regulus' eyes widened in shock.
"Obliviated? Who would do that?"
"Dumbledore," Severus whispered, "He has been obliviating me since I was twelve. I didn't remember. I didn't remember you. I didn't remember our baby. I'm sorry. I am truly sorry for everything I said and did. I didn't mean it. Or I wouldn't have if I had known. But I remember now. I remember him. I remember us. I'm sorry," Severus couldn't stop the choked sob that escaped as Regulus collapsed next to him on the bed.
"Sev," Regulus said, his voice shaking.
"I remember him. I remember our baby," Severus said, his throat catching again.
"Merlin," Regulus whispered as he pulled Severus to him and held him close, rubbing his back as he cried, like he did when their son had died.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry," Severus muttered into Regulus' chest as he cried.
"No, Sev. It's not your fault. I'm sorry. I should have realised something wasn't right. I think I did, a few times, think that things were weird, but something always changed my mind. I never knew what, though. I'm sorry I didn't try harder. I should have,"
"Did… Did you b-bury him?" Severus asked quietly, his shoulders shaking.
"Y-yes. I can take you there if you want, when you are feeling up to it,"
Severus nodded.
Regulus held Severus for what seemed like hours, but was really only long enough for Severus to cry himself to sleep, then for a little while after that as Regulus tried to get his own emotions under control.
He glanced over at Minerva to find her slumped in the chair, crying as she looked at them with shock and pain in her eyes. She was also confused, though, and he realised that she was still under an obliviation.
"You… You two had a baby?" she asked.
Regulus nodded, looking at the man lying in the bed with sad, concerned eyes.
"What happened?"
Regulus swallowed thickly, trying to control his own tears, "S-Sev… he went into labour early. He was only thirty weeks along. Poppy, she tried everything she could but about an hour after our son was born… he s-stopped breathing… About a week afterwards Sev started acting strange, said he didn't know what I was talking about when I tried talking to him about it, when I tried to help him. He was so devastated. I was, too. I should have realised that something was wrong. That he actually couldn't remember. But something always got in the way,"
"It's not your fault, Regulus," Minerva said, and he could see anger in her eyes as well as the pain now, "It is Albus' for thinking he has the right to mess around with everyone's lives. I will be having many words with him, maybe a few fists will go flying also,"
"Make sure you give him one from me," Regulus said, and she nodded with a slight grin.
"Are you okay to stay with him whilst I go see Albus then go home to grab some of Sev's things, and check on Rosie, Remus and Sirius?"
"Y-yes, sure," Regulus said, nodding slightly as he looked at Severus.
"Okay. I will be back in a few hours or so,"
"Try not to kill the Headmaster. Sev needs you,"
She growled slightly, "I will certainly try. I can't leave my son. Not now, not ever,"
She stalked out the room like a woman on a mission, powerful magic spitting out of her angrily.
Regulus just looked at the man he cared about the most on the bed. The man who had been through more than anyone else he knew. It hurt. The pain from everything past still lingering in him. But the added pain of not figuring out that Severus genuinely didn't remember them, their son was almost unbearable.
He stayed, though. He didn't want to leave again. Not now. Not when Severus needed him to help him cope with his new, old memories.
He just didn't know how he would cope, himself.
Hiya, how are you all?
Happy Holidays to all who celebrate them! I hope you all have an amazing day, even if you don't celebrate. I also hope you enjoyed this chapter. What do you think is going to happen in the next chapters? What would you like to see in the future? I am a few chapters away from a time jump to the beginning of the school year, I didn't expect there to be so many chapters between the beginning of the story and the beginning of school but sometimes these things happen and the characters have minds of their own. Or my own mind just zones out and takes over and I don't really realise what I have written until I have finished it, haha.
Anyhow, I have a Facebook Group called Maraudering_Paige which you are all welcome to join if you want to and are able to. It is where we can talk about Harry Potter, fanfics, life, share memes and more. It is also where I have somewhat of an update schedule and will be keeping you informed on what I am working on, both fanfics and original works. So, if you are interested in joining, I am more than happy to accept any of you into the group.
I hope you are having an amazing day!
Kind regards,
Paige xx