AN: Enjoy the chapter folks! Be sure to leave a review when you finish!
EDITED 5/22/18
Berserk
Chapter Twenty Nine
{i'll ask of the Berserks, you tasters of blood}
He never should have left her alone. Maybe if he was there with her this morning nothing would have happened. He shouldn't have left her, not in a city like Narja, but he thought she would be fine. Lucy is strong—stronger than most people he's met, and he grew up surrounded by turned into beasts, people who could tear others apart. She can handle herself in most situations, and she doesn't need his hovering over her, she can protect herself—fuck, she was fine when he showed up at the tavern. A bit paler than usual, but she was fine. Natsu doesn't know if that bastard did something to her or if she's simply exhausted herself, but watching her eyes roll back—watching her just collapse like that—it scared the shit out of him.
The only times he can remember being more terrified than that moment, were the first day he was forced into the rings and the time the king can for them in Fiore. He could breathe then, and watching Lucy crumple to the ground tore at something in his chest, his head roaring with panic.
Natsu caught her before she could hit the floor, but couldn't do anything for a long moment, could barely breathe, let alone try to help her. Fumbling to find her pulse was several of the worst seconds in his life, Natsu clumsy as he prodded at her neck with trembling fingers. Maybe that moment wasn't as bloody as some of his memories, but he knows his shaking hands and Lucy's blank expression will always be in the back of his mind, her pulse so faint he couldn't hear it any longer, the sound drowned out by his own pounding heartbeat, the muscle crawling into his throat.
Shaking his head slowly, Natsu feels his stomach churn violently, acid winding through his throat. He swallows it back, focusing on Lucy's face as he hovers over her, on the slow rise and fall of her chest. She's alive, he keeps reminding himself. She collapsed, but she's alive. For one horrifying moment he thought he lost her, Lucy so still in his arms, his too large fingers groping awkwardly for a pulse, trembling so badly that he couldn't feel anything. It was only when he felt her warm breath against his throat, barely a ghost of a touch, that he was able to relax even the slightest bit.
He thought he'd lost her forever, unable to find her pulse, her heartbeat weak. It was the ghost of her breath that kept him from snapping, Natsu's panic wound tight. Something inside him was trying to claw its way out, his rage and fear blinding him.
And then she took a breath, and Natsu felt like he could, too.
Exhaling softly, shakily, Natsu presses his palm to Lucy's cheek, thumb brushing against her clammy skin gently. He moves a sweaty strand of hair away from her skin, whining lowly when Lucy shivers violently against his touch, twitching like it hurts her. Teeth caught between his lip, Natsu swallows thickly, throat dry and tongue heavy in his mouth. Natsu presses the back of his hand against her forehead and winces, Lucy's skin burning against his touch. She's always been cold to him, most people are, and he knows she's burning up with a fever, a very bad one, if he had to guess.
He worries his lip, stroking her too pale skin gently and wishing he could do something. She was fine this morning, tired, but fine. She smiled at him and was acting the same as normal, he never would have guessed that anything was wrong. Natsu should have been paying more attention though, he should have known that something was wrong. Now, sitting beside her, he can smell the sickness all over her, sickly sweet like rotten fruit and old bones.
If he hadn't left her to go traipsing through the city to find someone who could fix broken things, maybe he would've been able to help her sooner, maybe he would have noticed something was wrong. Maybe she would be okay right now, awake and smiling at him like she always is.
Natsu should have paid more attention, should have known better.
His thumb rubs along her cheek, Lucy giving a shuddery exhale in her sleep and leaning into his touch. Natsu purses his lips, stilling when her expression twists into one of pain, her breath hiccupping slightly, a hitch in the steady pattern. It makes his chest squeeze painfully, worry clawing at his throat, more violent than anything he's ever known.
A growl rips from deep in his chest, Natsu wanting nothing more than to hunt down the bastard that he found harassing her earlier, demand he tell him what he did to Lucy, but he can't leave her. Even if he wants to, he knows he can't leave her, not now. He would hate himself if he left and something happened to her. As much as his anger is clawing its way out of his chest, begging to be let out, Natsu just keeps shoving it down, because he's not leaving her side, not right now.
Natsu glances up slowly, looking at the old woman on Lucy's other side, her expression pinched as she looks down a Lucy, poking and prodding at places, trying to find the problem. Her eyes briefly flicker up to meet his, dark and deep, the only color in her washed out face. She looks like the life has been sucked from her, hair stark white and face boney and pale, more so than anyone Natsu's ever seen.
She'd called herself Magi when she let him in, Natsu banging on her door. and pleading for help. Magi took one look at Lucy in his arms and yanked him into her home, door slamming shut behind him violently, the old woman cursing as she dragged him into the back of her shop, shouting for someone to clear the bed.
Magi looks away from him now, turning to lean in closer to Lucy, mumbling something he doesn't catch as she smoothes back Lucy's hair, pale fingers trailing down Lucy's neck to feel for her pulse.
Behind her, Magi's assistant Katya peers nervously down at Lucy, the girl slight and no older than fifteen, with dark everything skin and eyes, her hair hanging down her back in thick, braided ropes. She leans in, pressing her hand against Lucy's knee, frowning when the unconscious girl jerks, face twisting in agony.
Katya murmurs something Natsu doesn't understand, patting Lucy's knee gently before beginning to hum, something soft and unfamiliar. It seems to soothe Lucy, her breathing becoming steadier and her expression losing some of its tension, her pinched brow smoothing.
Squeezing Lucy's fingers, Natsu sends Katya a small, shaky smile. It feels heavy on his lips and he knows it doesn't reach his eyes, but she smiles back anyway, giving a little nod as she continues to hum under her breath, Magi seemingly ignorant to the exchange.
Natsu's fingers slip down the side of her neck, ghosting across her collarbone and settling over her faint heartbeat, wincing when he feels how slow it's gotten since he last checked.
He was running, though he didn't know where, the streets unfamiliar to him as he tried to remember the address the tavern owner gave him, telling him to find a woman named Magi, telling him she could help, telling him she could keep Lucy alive if he found her in time. But it had been what felt like hours and he still hadn't found the woman's home, her shop nowhere to be found. They called her a bone witch, said she could heal anything from broken bones to bloody limbs.
Foot pounding against the wet ground, Natsu ignored the rain stinging his eyes, curling Lucy tighter against his chest, his jacket wound tight around her, blocking out the sudden chill of the city. Something cold swept through Narja when he stepped outside, a freezing wind that rattled him straight to his core. Natsu shivered, but pressed on, thoughts not linger long on the chill he shouldn't have felt, his skin too hot to register most winds.
Lucy's breath was warm against his collarbone, constant but light, a rasping sound rattling her lungs every time she inhaled. She was alive though, and that was all that mattered to him. As long as she was still breathing, Natsu knew that he could keep himself in control. He needed to get her help and he couldn't do that if he panicked.
Natsu absolutely refused to let her die simply because of his nerves. He swore to protect her, to get her home, and he damn well intended to keep it. Natsu had to find Magi's home, he just had to.
Turning a slick corner, Natsu nearly slipped, his shoulder bashing painfully against the side of a building, though he ignored it in favor of cradling Lucy closer, worried that he could have hurt her. She felt so still in his arms, arm limp around the back of his neck and legs hanging over his arm, almost like she was already gone.
He shook the thought away, shoving it somewhere into a deep corner of his mind, not wanting to entertain the thought. Lucy would be okay. She had to be okay. He promised she would be okay and he didn't intend on going back on his word. Natsu never had been a liar and he refused to start then, not to Lucy. He would lie, not to her.
Ignoring his thoughts, Natsu listened to the wet slapping of his boots on the cobblestones, mumbling nonsense under his breath as he wound through the streets, trying to get Lucy to wake up. He murmured her name, lips pressed tightly against her sweaty hair, but she didn't respond, too far gone to understand what he was saying.
Natsu turned another corner, pulling his lip between his teeth and worrying it as his eyes flickered around the streets. He caught sight of a large sign, a building dimly lit, but still open despite the unexpected storm. The creature on the sign, some kind of bird matched the hurried description from the tavern owner, something big and blue. He ignored the sign, disregarding what was on it as he stumbled up to the building, curling Lucy closer to his chest and trying to block out the cold, not wanting her to get sicker.
Her forehead was hot against his collarbone, her skin sweat-slicked and clammy, Lucy shivering despite the heat rolling off of her in waves. His throat felt tight as he waited, fist banging against the door rougher than intended. He didn't mean to be so violent with his actions, but panic was welling in his chest, his heart squeezing and lungs devoid of air, like he was suffocating.
Natsu would take that over watching Lucy collapse, unmoving in his arms.
He shivered and suddenly the door slammed open, banging roughly against the wall and nearly catching Natsu as well, the Berserk barely having time to step back as the door rushed by. It clipped his elbow, a dull ache flaring in his arm, but he barely felt it, looking at the new face with wide eyes.
Deep blue eyes stared back at him, the woman's face wrinkled with age but also irritation as she stared at Natsu, thin-lipped and annoyed, a thin brow raised curious as she stared back at him, not saying a word as she waited for him to either speak or leave.
Unsure what to do, he simply stared for a long moment, swallowing thickly as he met the woman's gaze. His grip tightened around Lucy and she shifted slightly, curling into his, lips ghosting his collarbone, Natsu hyper aware of every move she made. It distracted him for a moment, Natsu's mouth going dry. He was unable to do anything but stare for several seconds.
Fed up with his lack of response, the woman turned around, huffing and eyes rolling. She grabbed the door as she turned, grumbling under her breath about the waste of time, and started to slam it shut.
Not thinking, Natsu's hand shot out, fingers curling around the edge of the door forcefully and shoving it back open, wincing slightly as he heard it slam back against the wall once more. His eyes widened slightly and the old woman whirled around, looking ready to snap at him.
"Help her," he murmured, the old woman pausing as she stared at Natsu. He swallowed, shifting Lucy in his arms, and the woman's head snapped around, eyes immediately jumping towards Lucy's still, sickly frame. She looked back at Natsu, mouth dropped open slightly in shock. He swallowed again, raising one hand to Lucy's cheek and wiping the rainwater away, hand trembling against her. "Please," he murmured, desperation clear in his voice. "Help her."
The woman gave a stiff nod, ushering him in quickly and grabbing at his arm, dragging her into the house.
The door shut behind him with a bang.
Magi suddenly hisses, Natsu flinching at the sound, his head snapping up as he stares at the woman once more, wincing when he sees the frustration growing on her face. She doesn't know what's wrong, Natsu knows it and the thought terrifies him. If the best healer in the city can't help her, than what's going to happen to Lucy? It's not something he wants to consider, but it's a plague in his thoughts.
His eyes sting with the realization that she could very well die tonight, gone out like a flame, silent and leaving only wisps of smoke in her wake. He wouldn't be able to bring her home if she didn't wake up. Natsu knows she's from Fiore, close to the Bosco border, but he doesn't know where. He wouldn't be able to bring her home.
Snarling at his thoughts, Natsu banishes them from his mind, hating himself for even considering Lucy not waking up. She's stronger than that, she wouldn't give up without fighting, and Natsu will be damned before he dares give up on her. She wouldn't give up on him. Not ever.
Magi's eyes burn into his, her lips pressed into a thin line as she presses a cool cloth to Lucy's forehead, Katya disappearing from Lucy's side to fetch a bucket of water, hauling it over to them despite how heavy it must be. He considers offering to help, but the words won't come out and he feels rooted in place, utterly grounded at Lucy's side. He knows he won't be moving, not until he sees her open her eyes again.
"Is she hurt anywhere?" Magi suddenly asks him, pressing her hand against Lucy's lower chest and stomach, feeling for anything that could be causing the girl pain. She seems to find nothing, her confusion and irritation growing as she continues to check Lucy for even the slightest of injuries, hands careful and gentle as she feels around.
Natsu wets his lips, shaking his head slowly as his fingers trail back to her thin neck, thumb brushing against the fading bruises still staining her skin. They've lessened in color, more green and yellow than purple, and he feels slightly relieved to see them disappearing so quickly, knowing they weren't nearly as bad as when he hurt her. It both relieves and sickens him, but he's simply glad to know they're disappearing so quickly.
He catches sight of Magi's imploring look, the woman urging him to speak. "No," he finally chokes out, fingers stroking the length of her neck, his eyes locked on Lucy's skin beneath his. "Just her neck." He jerks his chin down towards Lucy's throat, gesturing to the faint bruising. "We ran into trouble and—" He cuts off with a shiver, shaking his head roughly. "She could have died," he finally chokes out.
Magi nods slowly, understanding. Her eyes soften slightly, though only for a moment before she's staring up at him sternly. "Are you sure there's nothing else?" she presses, urging him to tell her anything he might know. He wants to help, but he honestly doesn't know anything. Most of her wounds so far have been superficial, bruising and maybe a fracture, but nothing broken.
"Her ribs," he tells Magi, "were bothering her but…" But he knows they aren't broken. Lucy would have been in much more pain if that happened. He's seen punctured lungs before and knows that isn't what's wrong with Lucy. Her breathing has been smooth since they were attacked, her discomfort leaving her within days of their fight. Broken ribs would have hurt for much longer than that. No, he thinks something far worse has happened to her now.
Her question from days ago suddenly slams into him full force, his breath ripped from his lungs. "What happens when a Berserk bites someone?" Natsu's eyes widen in horror, his gaze snapping to her arm, the one with the bandages wound around it since they practically first met. He hadn't thought much of them, not seeing them wet with blood even once, though the area seemed tender at times. As far as he knew there was nothing wrong, nothing that he could see.
Horror claws at his throat, a series of whimpered "no" 's spilling passed his lips as he stares down at Lucy. He didn't—she would have told him if she—
He shakes his head, hands trembling as his fingers slide along her skin, palm settling against the sliver of bare skin revealed on her left arm. Suddenly, he remembers the taste of her blood on his tongue, the way it clung to his senses, thick and fresh. He thought it was just the bloodlust eating at his mind, he never thought he'd actually bit her.
Magi notices his twisting expression, her face curious as she looks at him. "What?" she asks him, leaning in slightly to get a better look at his expression, eyes narrowing when she sees the fear in his eyes. "Do you know something?" The question hangs heavy between them, Natsu wincing. It isn't an accusation, but it might as well be.
"Her arm," he murmurs back, eyes squeezing shut for only a moment before he growls low in his chest and raises both of his hands to the arm closest to him, practically ripping off her long glove and tossing it to the floor behind him. The fabric slips from his fingers, soft and worn from use, and Natsu trembles, teeth bared in a snarl, praying that he's wrong, that it's only his imagination.
Lucy is a curious person, he knows, it could have been a simple question. She just wanted to know, about him, about Berserks. He asked about the Fae as well, wanting to know who she was, what she could do. There's nothing wrong with that, with wanting to know. She wouldn't keep something like that from him.
His hands shake as he slowly unwinds the bandage from her arm, starting from her wrist and working his way up, not daring to start any higher. It comes of slowly, Magi and Katya hovering on Lucy's other side as Natsu gently unwinds her arm, keeping his eyes focused on the bandage, not wanting to see what's underneath, not yet. He hears a horrified gasp come from Katya, the girl slapping a hand over her mouth, expression twisting sickly. Even Magi blanches, face paling further, if that's even possible. Natsu doesn't look, heart squeezing in his chest as he hears the women mutter to each other.
He continues to unwrap her arm for a long time, her skin bound in two layers of the bandages, as if she was worried about them bleeding through, or if she knew he could smell it. Now that he's so close the scent hits him fully. Her arm smells like decay, something poisonous and sickly, something that's already begun to rot. It coats his senses, thick on his tongue until he can taste it. He doesn't know how he didn't notice it before, how he could have just passed it off as nothing when it was so strong all this time. He shudders at the thought of growing used to something like this, at becoming so desensitized to the smell that it simply slipped his mind, becoming normal to him.
Nothing about this should be normal.
Natsu releases a quivering breath as the coil of bandages slips from his fingers, hands trembling at his sides when he sees the mess that her arm has become. Bile rises high in his throat, Natsu feeling absolutely sick to his stomach as he stares down at her discolored skin. He chokes it back, horror in his eyes as he stares down at her, gaze locked on the dark, inky stains beneath her skin, veins black as night against her paler skin tone. They creep along her arm, thin and dark like spider webs.
A strangled sound slips from him, Natsu whining as his eyes follow the dark veins from the back of her left hand where they end, the lines winding up her flesh all the way to the top of her arm, centralized around a horrible black and purple bruise staining her skin. It's the size of his fist and looks painful to the touch, grotesque. His fingers trail along her arm, the veins under her skin pulsing angrily as he touches her, almost reacting to the contact, moving under her skin sickly.
His hand moves higher, to the bruised part of her arm, and his thumb catches on a small, raised sliver of skin. Natsu leans in closer, brow furrowing and eyes narrowing. His breath ghosts her flesh when he bends down to get a better look, and Natsu can feel the heat coming from her arm, so hot it practically burns. She's warmer than she should be, hot enough for him to feel his skin tingle, something that's never happened before. Again, he strokes the raised flesh, peering closer to make out what it is.
There are four small scars on her arm, nothing more than puckered dots against her skin, so small no one would ever notice them unless they were looking for them. They're from his teeth, he realizes, flinching away from her. They're from his fangs burying so deep in her flesh that he tore through skin and muscle, all the way to the bone, ripping through her tissue without a thought. He was absolutely mindless in his attack on her, tearing through her skin so easily. He can't imagine how much it must have hurt her.
Suddenly, he remembers the Berserk he fought in Pergrande, the way he laughed and asked Natsu if she screamed, if she begged him to stop.
A low whine tears from his lips, Natsu exhaling shakily as he looks down at her, taking in her still form with wide eyes. Her arm is an absolute mess, her fingers twitching at an irregular pace, almost violent in their movements. Lucy sucks in a shuddery, raspy breath and Natsu manages to peel his eyes away from her arm for just a moment, looking between her pained expression and the horror in Magi and Katya's eyes.
Natsu strokes the scars on her arm with his thumb and his skin comes away stained black, the wounds oozing. It isn't blood, but something thicker, something that clings to the skin, sticky. He grimaces in disgust, but doesn't pull away, not wanting to leave her side.
"Oh, Lucy, what did you do?" he murmurs to her unconscious form, softly stroking her injured arm, wishing he knew what to do to make the pain go away. He brushes her bangs away from her eyes with his free hand, letting his fingers trailing along her jaw before pulling away and slipping his fingers through hers, letting their hands entwine slowly.
He wishes she had told him, if only because he could have tried to do something—anything. He would have tried anything to make the hurting stop, because he knows that her arm must have been hurting her this entire time, from the very moment they met. And he never knew.
Across from him, Magi takes a slow breath, tired hand rubbing at the side of her face. She looks absolutely stricken, something like an apology in her eyes, and Natsu feels a growl build in his throat, close to snapping should the woman say there's nothing she could do. "Do you know what happened?" she asks instead, waving away Katya and telling her assistant to retrieve something Natsu doesn't understand.
"I bit her," he replies, voice thick, terror winding through him. He thought his nightmares were bad, thought his memories of Igneel hurt him more than anything else, but somehow this feels worse. With Igneel, he knows deep inside himself that it wasn't his fault. There was nothing he could have done to save his father. But this? He has no one but himself to blame for this—for Lucy lying so still, more fragile than he's ever seen her.
He'll do anything he can to fix this.
Magi's expression twists in confusion as her eyes flicker between him and Lucy. "What do you mean you bit her?" she asks slowly, eyes narrowing. Natsu looks away first, ashamed, and Magi only stares harder. After a long moment realization seems to hit, Magi leaning back slightly. "You're one of Pergrande's soldiers." It isn't a question or an accusation, simply a fact.
Natsu shakes his head slowly. "Not anymore," he whispers, squeezing Lucy's fingers with his, looking at her face instead of the awful marks on her arm. "He—the King sent me to kill her," he murmurs, staring down at her sadly, "and I must have—she didn't—she didn't tell me," he manages to choke out, feeling his eyes begin to sting, vision blurring as his eyes grow glossy.
Her fingers tap against the bedpost slowly, gaze locked on Lucy's mangled arm, expression vaguely sick as she stares. She ignores Katya at her side, hands stilling suddenly as she considers what he's said, lips pressing into a thin line. "You didn't know," Magi repeats, more to herself than him, but Natsu feels a reply bubble in his throat regardless, his head already shaking.
"No," he whispers back, voice thick with emotion. He swallows back the lump in his throat, not wanting to break. "No," Natsu repeats, shaking his head slowly. His bangs fall into his eyes, but he doesn't shove them back, refusing to pull away from her. "I was wearing a collar, I didn't—I didn't know what I was doing." He didn't know.
Magi considers this, her eyes widening slightly. "Fae magic," she spits, a frustrated hiss spilling passed her lips. Her hands tighten into fists, blue eyes going icy, turning a shade lighter than they were before. She's Faeborne, Natsu realizes belatedly, eyes widening slightly.
"Is it an infection?" Katya suddenly asks, skirting around the bed to stand beside Natsu. She peers down at Lucy sadly, reaching out to place her hand on the Lucy's, the one curled through his, but she hesitates for a moment, eyeing him. Realizing he isn't about to bite, she places her hand over both of theirs, thumb brushing over the back of Lucy's hand for only a moment.
Magi glances up at her apprentice quickly, blinking at the girl. "Of sorts," she replies simply, turning around and crossing the room, heading to a small table in the corner and picking up a handful of towels and an empty bucket. She slips something into her apron that Natsu can't see.
Katya frowns. "What does that mean?"
"It's a magical infection," Magi tells the two of them, waving off their confusion as she hobbles back over to them, right leg stiff beneath her. She winces, rubbing at the limb, but doesn't pause as she hurries back to Lucy's side, though skirting the table to nudge Natsu out of the way, peering closer at Lucy's am. "Dark energy entered this girl's arm." Natsu inhales sharply, realizing what happened.
His lips curve back over his teeth. "Dark magic," he spits, a threatening snarl rising in his chest. The Fae magic from the collar, somehow when he bit her it must have transferred to her, like some sick kind of disease. He shakes his head, eyes snapping up to look at Magi, expression sharp, eyes burning. "Can you help her?" it comes out rougher than he means it do, partially demanding, but he can't find it in him to care. She looks uncertain and he sighs. "Can you help her?" he repeats through gritted teeth. "Please."
The desperation in his voice makes her pause.
She swallows, chewing her lower lip for a long moment. "It's spread quite a ways," she reminds him, gesturing towards the dark veins on Lucy's arm, sending Natsu a pointed look. She looks like she wants to tell him she can't help, that it's too late, but he refuses to just give up on her like that, not when she still has some fight in her.
"That isn't what I asked," he replies, trying not to snarl.
Magi sends him a stern look, eyes narrowing in anger at his attitude. Katya stiffens, smoothing her asymmetrical skirt and winding the longer end around her finger nervously. "I can try," Magi finally decides, looking down at Lucy. Her expression softens, eyes almost sad as she stares down at her. Magi traces a finger down Lucy's cheek. "But I can't promise anything," she reminds him. "And it'll be messy."
Natsu nods. "Just tell me what to do," he replies seriously.
Her eyes lock with his. "I want you to hold her down." Magi pulls a knife from her apron and cuts a neat line across Lucy's upper arm.
Lucy screams.
AN: Okay, I'm almost done with edits. I should be done editing arc one by Friday, and Arc two midway next week, so expect a new chapter on June 2! It's been a long time coming, but I really did need a break from this fic for a while. Thanks for your patience!