GRN Sniper: (normal tone) "Hey everyone, GRN Sniper here! Just to let you know that there will be a lot of product placement due to the content in this particular chapter. We are not sponsored by any of these restaurants nor is Fanfiction. There will also be a lot of swearing and cursing as well with lots of profanity. It's Team Fortress 2. Why wouldn't there be any? And the TF2 Lore doesn't apply here either and we do apologize if you guys feel hungry or offended. Or both. Enjoy."
GRN Team Argue About Fast Food
It is around lunch time at the GRN base as Heavy and Scout head to the kitchen on their day off.
Heavy: (normal tone) "Heavy is hungry. Heavy can go for a sandvich."
Scout: (smile) "Yeah, me too. Let's get something to eat."
Heavy opens the fridge but screams in a panic as the fridge is empty. Scout checks over and is just as shocked to see it empty.
Scout: (shocked) "Ah shit! We ran out of sandwiches."
Heavy: (hangry) "FUCK! It's lunch time and we have no sandviches! HEAVY IS HUNGRY!"
Scout: (calm) "Chill out, Heavy. We can just go to a fast food place and get something to eat."
Heavy: (calms down) "Alright."
Both of them: (normal tone) "We can go to Arby's/McDonald's."
Scout is shocked that Heavy suggested McDonald's.
Scout: (shocked) "Hold the fuck on, Heavy! You did not just suggest McDonald's."
Heavy: (calm) "Da, what about it?"
Scout: (upset) "Because McDonald's isn't really that good."
Heavy: (offended) "It IS good! The fries are nice and crisp that are golden as the sun and the Big Mac is delicious. Lettuce, pickles, the special sauce, cheese, and two delicious meat patties on a sesame seed bun. And the chicken nuggets are good. Freshly fried with all natural white meat chicken meat."
Scout: (normal tone) "I do like the chicken nuggets and the fries, which is good. I won't deny that. But the patties are thin with one slice of cheese rather than having two. They have more lettuce on it than meat. But I love Arby's curly fries. Deliciously seasoned and fried to perfection that you can dip a variety of sauces in such as ketchup, honey mustard, horseradish and more. True the meat is sliced for beef, but they add layers upon layers of meat with melted cheese on a toasty bun. But I also love the French dip. Yet my personal favorite is the bacon Swiss chicken sandwich. Fried chicken with two hickory smoked pepper bacon slices, Swiss cheese, lettuce and tomato with a honey mustard sauce."
Heavy: (annoyed) "You do realized I'm Jewish, right? I can't eat pork."
Scout: (realizes) "Ah crap. Sorry, Heavy. I also want to have a chocolate turnover."
Heavy: (normal tone) "Well, the French dip is good. And I do like the variety of sauces, but I also want more for my dollar."
Scout: (normal tone) "How about- No wait, sorry. I was gonna suggest the smoke mountain, but it has pork in it."
Spy enters.
Spy: (curious) "What is going on here? It's lunch time and-" (realizes) "Hold on, we're out of sandwiches?!"
Heavy: (feeling bad) "'Fraid so. The two of us are trying to decide what restaurant to go to. Heavy wants to go to McDonald's, but Scout wants to go to Arby's."
Scout: (curious) "Which would you choose, dad?"
Spy: (normal tone) "Personally, I would pick Subway. You can customize and make a delicious sandwich that you can have toasted with any meat such as buffalo chicken, roast beef, smoked turkey, and bacon with any cheese you want on a toasted bread of your choice. Wheat, white, Italian herbs and cheese. And you can have as many veggies and sauces you want along with olives, banana peppers and malt vinegar. And you can get a foot long for $5 if you didn't add any other meat or bacon on it. I can get two foot longs for the same price as you would at any fast food restaurant. But most importantly, their ingredients are fresh!"
Scout: (normal tone) "I do love the sandwiches at Subway. But I want to have fries with my choice of food."
Heavy: (agreement) "Heavy agrees. I want to eat delicious fries. But it is hard to choose. McDonald's fries are perfectly crisp yet Arby's fries has more flavor. Choice is hard."
Soldier comes in.
Soldier: (curious) "Hey there maggots? Ya starving?"
Scout: (happy) "Yeah, but we're trying to decide where to go to eat since we're out of sandwiches."
Spy: (normal tone) "I prefer Subway, my son wants Arby's and Heavy wants McDonald's. So we're having a hard time trying to choose where to go."
Soldier: (happy) "How about Carl's Jr.? It's burgers are thicker than whatever the hell McDonald's make."
Heavy: (angry) "Hey!"
Soldier: (happy) "You can get nice, charbroil, thick patties with any sort of specialties you want. You can have bacon, pastrami, portobello mushrooms, onion rings, whatever. I always enjoy a double thick western bacon burger with bacon, two patties, American cheese, onion rings and BBQ sauce on a premium bun. And I also enjoy the pastrami burger as well with thick cuts of pastrami on a thick beef patty with pickles, lettuce, red onions, tomatoes, and cheddar cheese."
Scout: (normal tone) "Okay, I admit, the burgers are good." (bugged) "But their fries suck! They are way too greasy! True you can get two different types, but still though. Not to mention that sometimes they add too much salt or not enough. And their chicken sandwiches are awful!"
Soldier: (offended) "The hell?! Carl's Jr.'s fries aren't greasy. They strain them properly while adding the proper amount of salt to them. You can also have onion rings, fried zucchini, jalapeno poppers, or chili cheese fries."
Scout: (angry) "Even worse with the chili cheese fries. The chili and the cheese on those fries makes it soggy and even more gross."
Soldier: (angry) "And Carl's Jr.'s chicken sandwiches don't suck! They are cooked perfectly that you can either have charbroiled or fried."
Scout: (angry) "Except that Carl's Jr. use chemicals in their chicken. Arby's doesn't do that."
Spy: (normal tone) "I'll admit that Carl's Jr. isn't exactly the best place, but I do love their fried zucchini to counter balance against some of the grease. I also enjoy the chocolate cakes they have when I'm off my diet."
Heavy: (hangry) "HEAVY'S HUNGRY! EVEN WILLING TO EAT PORK TO FILL MY BELLY!"
Demoman barges in.
Demoman: (angry) "WOULD YOU ALL SHUT THE FUCK UP!? What the hell is all the screaming?!"
Heavy: (apologizes) "Sorry, Demoman. We ran out of sandviches and we decided to go out to eat. I want McDonald's, Scout want's Arby's, Spy wants Subway, and Soldier wants Carl's Jr. We're in a middle of an argument on where to go."
Demoman: (surprised) "We're out of sandviches?"
Demoman walks over to check the fridge. He opens it and see it is entirely empty.
Demoman: (upset) "Fuck! I was hoping I would enjoy a sandvich with a side of scrumpy." (calms down) "Okay. I do know some good chicken places. Arby's is good. But it is best to have a wider variety than just one favorite fast food place. I also enjoy the chicken nuggets of McDonald's and their fries, Subway makes good fresh subs, and Carl's Jr. is okay except for the fries."
Soldier: (upset) "There is nothing wrong with their fries!"
Demoman: (normal tone) "I also enjoy KFC." (angry) "And don't say any racist shit." (normal tone) "I enjoy their zinger burgers. But I also enjoy the chicken from Popeyes. The chicken deluxe from Chick-Fil-A is also good. I also enjoy orange chicken from Panda Express."
Heavy: (upset) "Dammit! Demoman made things more complicated and make me hungry!"
Scout: (normal tone) "Dammit. Now I'm getting hungrier."
Soldier: (upset) "Panda Express is shit! Their food is greasier than all other restaurants."
Demoman: (angry) "Yeah, well, at least my taste buds are working that doesn't need something super greasy."
Medic comes in.
Medic: (curious) "What is going on? I came to get some food before I do anymore experiments."
Demoman: (normal tone) "Everyone is having a hard time trying to decide on where to go for lunch and I made things a bit more complicated by suggesting four more places. So we can't decide on where to go."
Medic: (normal tone) "I know a place you guys can try. You can try Taco Bell. Pyro and I have been there a few times and it is good."
Soldier: (upset) "That place doesn't use real meat!"
Medic: (angry) "YES IT FUCKING DOES! You can get delicious tacos of your choosing. I always go after the Dorito Nacho Cheese Tacos."
Heavy: (happy) "I had that before! It was delicious!"
Scout: (normal tone) "Despite the rumor, I actually enjoy the Dorito Tacos."
Demoman: (normal tone) "Even the chicken quesadillas are pretty good. Especially when you add hot salsa into it."
Soldier: (upset) "It is 88% beef you idiots! Do you know what is the other 12%?!"
Medic: (normal tone) "Spices. Seasoning, spices and other ingredients."
Soldier: (upset) "It is the OTHER INGREDIENTS that I'm concern about. It contains chemicals. Chemicals such as disodium inosinate, potassium chloride, cocoa powder that is processed with alkali, and other shit. I want a 100% real meat! Not that same chemical bullshit they put in school cafeteria food!"
Scout: (normal tone) "Okay, but still. The Dorito Tacos are good."
Engineer shows up.
Engineer: (curious) "Any reason why you boys are yelling like a bunch of angry roosters? Is everyone arguing over lunch?"
Heavy: (hangry) "YES! We are having on argument on where to go for lunch since we're all out of sandviches."
Engineer: (normal tone) "So, where does anyone want to go?" (annoyed) "But if you guys say Burger King, you're on my shit list!"
Scout: (normal tone) "No shit. Burger King is the worse place to be. The only thing worth going there for is the Hersey Pies yet they have gotten smaller."
Demoman: (normal tone) "And the Whopper is overrated."
Heavy: (normal tone) "Not to mention that they let their fries soak in grease all day."
Spy: (disgusted) "Talking about Burger King is giving me diabetes."
Soldier: (normal tone) "They are the worst restaurant ever. At least McDonald's taste better with their chicken nuggets that doesn't use dry wall. YUCK!"
Engineer: (normal tone) "Although, Pyro went to the Burger King one time to try out their plant-based patties."
Heavy: (agreement) "Heavy agrees."
Everyone in the room is grossed out.
Engineer: (normal tone) "It was only one time and he only went there to check that type of burger out because he was watching an episode of Ghost in the Shell where the characters talk about the mock eel dish at some restaurant they're staking out. He said that the mock eel taste better."
Everyone laughs.
Engineer: (normal tone) "Now what was everyone's choice of places."
Everyone say their restaurants at once with Demoman listing all his choices.
Engineer: (normal tone) "Excellent choices. However, I prefer Buffalo Wild Wings. I do like Wendy's and Five Guys, but Buffalo Wild Wings is my number one choice."
Heavy: (normal tone) "Never been there."
Scout: (curious) "What's their food like, Engie?"
Soldier: (normal tone) "They're better than Wendy's or Five Guys, that's for sure."
Spy: (disgusted) "The Baconator is too much for me. And they make their fries super soggy with the bacon cheese fries the moment the cheese touches the fries. But their regular fries are good since they change their recipe everyday in order to keep them fresh."
Medic: (normal tone) "Although their prices of chicken wings is ridiculous at Buffalo Wild Wings. You have to pay $1 for each wing. If you want forty wings, you have to pay $40. But their fries are good as well as their burgers."
Demoman: (normal tone) "I went to Five Guys a few times. Their burgers are alright yet they put too much fries in your bag that has been fried in peanut oil. And their grilled cheese are wonderful as well."
Engineer: (normal tone) "I do love having the Bacon Smashed Hatch Chile Burger. Me and the other Engineers love it. You have two patties with bacon, cheese, chili peppers, grilled onions and pickled hot peppers. Even have BBQ sauce on the side."
Scout: (feeling hungry) "Now I wanna give it a shot."
Demoman: (agreement) "Me too. I wanna try it out."
Heavy: (normal tone) "But Heavy can't eat bacon."
Sniper shows up.
Sniper: (normal tone) "Hey blokes! I got some good news."
Medic: (perplexed) "Does it involve lunch? We've been arguing on which restaurant we're going to and some of us want to try Buffalo Wild Wings."
Sniper: (normal tone) "Actually, I got a better idea and Pyro has the grill going along with the fryer. We're eating outdoors and enjoy a burger that I invented. 100% natural beef patties mixed with pepper, salt, minced garlic and minced shallots to give it a nice kick with cheddar and turkey bacon. And we have our own seasoned fries ready. I need some people to taste test them for a new business I'm working on."
Everyone is eating outside and trying out the burgers Spy made. They are all shocked.
Scout: (surprised) "Damn, Sniper! This is a totally awesome burger!"
Sniper: (happy) "Happy you lot enjoy it. They are made from the freshest ingredients from today. Lettuce, tomatoes and onions plucked from Pyro's vegetable garden this morning, meat from a butcher shop that finished processing all the protein, and cheddar cheese that have finished aging."
Heavy: (happy) "Heavy enjoys this! I can eat bacon that isn't pork!"
Demoman: (curious) "But what is this sauce? It is giving this burger a nice kick to it."
Sniper: (happy) "That there is a sauce made from BBQ sauce and honey mustard. I got the idea from a Red Robin I visited in Utah one time. They make something called fry sauce which is made from ketchup and mayo. However, Red Robin uses BBQ sauce as a substitute for the ketchup."
Spy: (intrigued) "And the fries are perfect! Wonderfully seasoned and each fry is light as a feather!"
Sniper: (happy) "Actually, Pyro came up with the spices for it. All a 100% natural."
Pyro: (humble) "It's just regular spices you can get at a store that I now have growing in my greenhouse."
Soldier: (happy) "This food is wonderful. It even put Carl's Jr.'s burgers to shame."
Sniper: (happy) "That's because I'm using the Idaho Standard. The Idaho Standard means that the food should be a 100% fresh and ready to make with no preservatives in them unlike the chain restaurants that like to keep them frozen and doesn't sizzle as well. For me, I prefer the local restaurants instead of those big chain ones. Which is why I'm gonna start a more local restaurant with a few farms and ranches nearby in order to keep it fresh. You can't get any fresher than that. My new restaurant will be called, Munchie Mundy's."
Medic: (happy) "Not bad. I can't wait to see this new restaurant."
Soldier: (curious) "But what about your bakery?"
Sniper: (normal tone) "Settle down. I'm not closing it or anything like that."
Demoman: (happy) "If you can do this with the burgers, I can't wait for your chicken sandwiches."
Sniper: (happy) "I'm gonna work on that."
And so, GRN Team enjoy a wonderful lunch made by Sniper and Pyro. With the success of these burgers, Sniper is gonna try to get his new restaurant off the ground as soon as he gets a farm and ranch to get his food. However, he need to work on making chicken sandwiches and chicken nuggets in order to complete the menu. Until then, everyone enjoy themselves to Sniper's recipe and Pyro's fries.