Constantine - The Laughing Magician Presents; Life in the Real World – Chapter 4: Forgotten Deities
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"So, what ever happens to gods and goddesses that have been forgotten about, into modern times?"
Someone very curious about the past asked me that once, and I told them quite plainly; "That they remain Forgotten."
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The Nimue. A goddess; like a siren in a swamp. I can't put my finger on it, but I know she has a thing for bad boys. Really! What else would your tiny mind concoct if it had not been for the Arthurian depiction of her supple –
Ah, well…. We HAD a thing in the day…I was back in time and…ticked her off a great deal. It wasn' a messy break up, mind the chatter from the previous chapter. I just want to put Nessie's tyke away in the back of my mind and slay a beast with the name of both bear and snake. I hate this, cause' in a bloody month October will sweep away my happy hour and I'll be forced to close off portals like mad in the streets of London. Don't have me all wrong; the Samhain tradition isn't just for show, or a mass hallucination. I've seen demon and creature alike pine for the hour of rectitude. They cannot wait for ole' Johnny to be there. Bolting their skulls to wooden poles and knocking teeth out of a zombie's jaw.
Any who, if I had a penny for every time, I had a mission to steal my hour wasting away at a pub in the Scottish Highlands, I'd be out of change to use a bloody payphone. Which is where this episode has left yours' truly about now.
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I told Nimhsie to bugger off, yet the castle is still under its control. If I don't close the blasted gates and stop the cult of serpent worshiping madmen and women, then Nimue will drown my carcass in her moat – which is not to imply anything, I am clearly a professional doing his job!
She had me return a piece of her cloak. Which, I did not. Instead, I offered to defeat Nimhsie – snake an' free Hurley in the process. The man has a wife and son. His eldest chap just got hitched last year and now she's pregnant. Time flies…. Yet, he took on the family business. I swear, he wasn't cut out for bein' a bloody Druid. The cult of the Loch was infiltrated, and my money is on the last guest that made a hefty donation to the castle's museum exhibit.
Whatever the damned case may be, I'm a part of it now.
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Johnny boy isn't a fan of riding sea serpents into the pits of hell. No? It's not a piggy back ride for tots. If you are so clearly able to handle a thrill ride like this one, go at it! I dare you. Nessie eyed me something strange as I took to the cloak's power and she even spat out the portion of my own coat I'd given her for protection. As if to say, "We had a good run, mate. If you die, I won't let my child and I survive in a lake ruled by demon bear – snakes." I couldn't blame her. She's a genuine guardian of the Loch, and a wise being of purpose in her lore. If any zoologist comes up to you to ask why you still believe in bigfoot or the cockatrice, you tell them that you know a man who's seen both up close and personal. Creatures that survived into today would die, yet if natural selection is false, then humanity has a long way left to evolve. I'll wait on it. I believe in the supernatural because my dear ancestors CURSED the gods, used dark magic and spat in the lord Baphomet's face. For all of you who can't tell the goats from mere cattle, Baphomet is a deity used in my era's Chaos magic. He was apparently the first "horned one" documented as far back as into Egypt, but I didn't warn ye' enough. Nimhsie has the doors barred shut, so how to charm a snake of his caliber?
You try to woo him with a late – night snack.
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Nimue waits by the babe and its mum, being sure to drape her power across my shoulders as I take to my limited pocket in space – time for a weapon that can erase the portals and stop the madness that Nimh has created of the Loch and all its histories…
I just want to go home, kick back and stay out of these dangerous rounds until the thirty - first rolls by. Actually, in Britain, (and the U.K as you yanks call it) the thirty – first up to the first of November is the correct start and end date of this pagan holiday. The term pagan is a bit much, and as a warlock I can tolerate a great deal of name calling. For those herb – loving Sooth Sayers; they are known lightly as folk magicians to me. They care about balance and only taking what is needed, never more than they have to have. As far as the "pagan" it is just a rural folk healer and ritual following to a T – Wiccan. Yet, not all goddess worshippers are Wiccan. There is a branch to each witch and warlock. I've studied enough to know about the ESP phenomenon, those like myself who've seen too much at a young age, and those who have their blood from their ancestors who started the practice in medieval times. We all share a common desire to ourselves – to love and tolerate, yet never harm. Eh, unless you are me; knowing the Laughing Magi will ave' all gone straight to the center of the earth.
Nessie is expecting death, not my success as she knows one man cannot overtake the bear – snake by force. Who says? I've dealt with crooked beasties and bastards as big as my own – right…. ego, aside. We have work to be done, so I contact Chas before my time to enter through those gates is closin' in nearest.
I really, want to get back to London. Chas picks up, a bit of static on my end – hey! There is a vortex inside the underground tunnels surrounding castle Loch, and I have to tell you my mate's voice is a tad scratchy? Bullocks. We have no time left for banter.
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The waters below churn, I can feel their vibrations and it stings as right as a thousand African hornets.
Japanese hornets are a terror - the first time one flew into our cab in Osaka territory?? I might have used my magic, too much of a good aim at the driver's head.
That was where I learned the words " Sumimasen." I think I got it, still needs practice…Whatever it means, the driver kicked me out and left me in the beating heat that entire walk to my hotel room, back.
So, besides stinging nettle and the like, the bear -snake worshippers come at me and make sure my wrists won't cast out their advances. I see the holes in the fabric shuddering and I shudder too. This place…to a cursed soul like myself, Hurley wasn't easy on the job description. Jus as he'd flunked history class, I aced my title of a Dark arts prodigy.
That may be why Nimhsie is sparing my arse. He wants a challenger. I could be a threat to him, but he won't do it. He wants to get out of this place, and he needs a bloke "magus" to take down the barrier that's keeping him from growing stronger…
I'm in it. I have what he needs, and the dear -ole' beastie? He has what I want…
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"Here in your dwellin' is e?" I like to pretend that being sane and being sober adds up to mean something, yet a better way to play a helpless victim isn't to cower and run around until your head is swiped clean off your neck. That's how you die, mates. No, no. What I do, is risk my mental capacity and my shorn shoddy dignity to – well, go on then! Turn the page.
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King (unless it has no distinguishable gender) Nimhsie, is looking down at me with a subtle leer in his gaze. That set of orbs has me shaken like a leaf an' its kind enough to take me out I bet in one, whole gulp.
I salute the giant dumbly, then stagger on over in a mid – hobble. I'm quite wastin' away, good lad, Johnny. Just, don't give em hell yet…
"Such a biiig biifffin' snake! I don' know ow I gotts her..." Drunken me is a happy me, in theory. In reality, I'm the main course. The tail reaches around the entire hall; kinds of snakes like those ones are a rarity in the highlands. Didn't they get this –
~ You flatter a king, even when you cannot clearly see what I now am, Consssstantiine…. ~ It hisses from up above my head. My dear friend Hurley is long gone, then… maybe it got hungry sooner than I'd pictured of a one-hundred-ton demon?
As big as a jet, he could take up a stadium and steal their goal any day of the week. Not my kind of sport, mate. However, I got his attention, didn't I?
"Immma her' fer the pro – cesssin!"
I grin idiotically at the beast above my head. His teeth nag me on, and his tongue…. May the two never meet.
Though it gives me a thought, so I play on it. Vying on that reason as my own….
~ You wish to convert; to join me? Are you losing your will to my power?? Haaa…yesssss….I will have it….Conssssstantiiine….~
The filthy serpent would rather molest me than give me a taste – oh, did I go a bit far with that? It's not all that way. It's the first we've met. He's…. half as ugly as the legends told.
And then it hit me.
He's stupid, bloody dim and witless. He can be coerced, and in a raunchy sort of way, I decide to lure the beast in…. for a taste after all.
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A card in my hand, unless he has my mind in a puzzle box then you had better tuck in your ears, lov. This part could get a bit sloppy.
The beast stares me over hungrily; and in a way, that's exactly how I need him to be.
Bloody. Well. Famished.
"Do…I look asty??" I droll on, batting my eyes, hoping to humor the poor sap of a nematode in this, carnival ride attraction.
~ Maybe, and maybe…. you could come a little closer, Ssssaint…. ~ It is very persuasive. Did your mum ever tell you not to bully those who are weaker than you, Nimhsie? Wait…
Saint? Is that dirty – talk for …. oh gods…. Bollocks!
Claws out, it wants to get on with this "feast" I've let it only dream about tasting. Damn. It has the breath of death on it. I really don't want to end up devoured by a death god. If I ever get taken, let it be a bed of bleeding, bloody roses! Red eyes shone so bright; I could burn under them. I don't panic, much. Sweat to my brow, it senses that I can still FEEL it's leer. It hisses back, head dipped and cackling. Do snakes cackle? Really? Who's telling this story?
~ Sssstill, you resist me, ConssstaNTINEEEEEE…...I WILLL HAVE YOUR LIVER FOR –
~NOW! ~ My moment arrives right as I'd planned.
I give it a tap on the snout and a spell dribbles out, past my bone – dry, wanker – lips.
I give him a taste of what he's asked for, right? We get Hurley and the captives out, the beast is dead, end of story? NO. We don't. Turn the page.
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I spell out such profane magic; a way to take back that lip of this road kill. Enough to curdle a witches' brew even. I am just that bloody clever, lov.
~ A dhiathan an Loch, cuir pairilis air a' bhiast so ! Nathair na ceilg agus an droch-bheairt - bi air do thàirneadh ri mo thoil, mar a bhios mi gad mharcachd gu cath. Tha thu nis fo m' cheannsal ! Mar sin leig leis bruidhinn !! ~
It wants a lover? Well, then I'll go dominatrix on its arse! I use an enchanted forked whip I pull from my space – pocket and know what to do. I lead myself to nick the serpent figure on the snout, taking to climbing up its skull as he's shrieking in pain by the sudden smack across the muzzle.
"Told you NOT to mess with Nessie now, didn't we?? You'll be going back home; to the old world where time forever stands still…" I direct it with my magical whip to the nearest vortex and start a spell again to turn off this "mega attraction of swirls." The portals would destroy the world if someone let them. Hurley will come to his senses soon, I know it. When the Nimh is banished back to its caverns, then we won't see it for decades at a time or more.
~ Uilebheist beul-aithris na h-Alba! Bidh mi gad fhuadachadh gu uaimhean nan daoine caillte agus airson nach till thu gu bràth! Thòisich!! Mar sin tha na draoidhean dorcha agus falamh ag ràdh, e fhèin!! ~
The beast is chucked in, yet it tries to pull me in with it, with its tail. I struggle with my whip to have it loosen its hold on my coat, only to see Hurley and the spell he's casting to get me back. I float up to the waking world as Mr. Nimh is left in time and space; never to be heard from again. The coat had a tear in it. Hope that was enough of a memento to remember ole' Johnny by, as I bugger off with the rest of the freed cult of snake worshippers into the night.
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