The ship was half a day's journey away by foot. En route, Cecil explained the events of the past few days, since Kain had made the fateful Jump from the Bloodletter. The ship had indeed crashed, and while Cecil had been vague about the details, by the quiet looks exchanged by the other Red Wings soldiers, Kain guessed it was much more serious than Cecil was saying.
It was Rosa who cut through to the heart of the matter, quietly asking, "How many casualties?" She'd waved off Cecil's fussing about her injuries but did take the offered cloak from one of the crew, covering the shredded back of her tunic from sight. If she struggled to keep up with their brisk pace through the forest, she gave no sign or complaint.
"Ten or so injured, a few critical but no deaths. The Mysidian rescue stabilized the wounded and were readying them for transport." Cecil answered with a relieved sigh, then continued more somberly, "But the ship is destroyed. Cid and King Odin are going to have my head."
"We're lucky to be alive," one of the Red Wings soldiers said, who walked beside them. "Without you at the wheel, the whole crew would have gone down too." He looked to the side at Kain and Rosa, wide-eyed. "Somehow, he managed to bring the ship down into the trees tops, which caught the hull and slowed the ship down enough so it could hit the ground without crashing at full speed."
"You did that?" Kain asked, incredulously, looking aside to Cecil, who sheepishly grinned.
"I'm going to help scout," Rosa said at the same time, frowning. With her bow in hand, Rosa hurried ahead to join the Red Wings soldiers who led their party through Mount Ordeals Forest.
"I fear I overstepped with her," Cecil said glumly as he watched Rosa leave. The soldier hurried ahead a few paces, graciously allowing them privacy. "And you," Cecil added, looking back to Kain, walking side by side together. "By putting you in such a dangerous predicament and asking so much of you."
Can you do this? Cecil asked again in Kain's memories, this time accusatory.
If only you knew all I had done, Kain thought, but instead shook his head. "Rosa just needs time. Our time on Mount Ordeals was..." Magical? Breathtaking? Wonderous? suggested one part of his heart. Disloyal? Shameful? Selfish? whispered another."...difficult."
"I see," Cecil said. "And you?" he asked, almost too quiet to hear. He kept his gaze trained steadfastly ahead, refusing to glance Kain's way. "Last we spoke, I told you I would not court Rosa. But seeing her again, I was so overwhelmed-"
Kain, overwhelmed by Rosa and her closeness, her arms reaching for him and pulling him in, until he thought he would drown in the feeling of her-
"-by my feelings, the words just tumbled out, and I couldn't help but..."
Couldn't help but shudder when she clutched at him, her breathy sighs on his neck; Kain seized by the possessive thought: she's mine... mine... mine...
"...want to know if her heart matched mine. I'm... sorry," Cecil finished, risking a glance back aside to Kain now, his eyes full of worry.
Rosa's eyes, full of surprise and wonder; begging for some intangible, wordless thing, gasping out his name-
"Kain?" Cecil asked, his concern deepening.
Kain shook his head, blinking hard to dispel the mental image of Rosa beneath him, skin white in the moonlight, greedily grasping him in every way she could. "You are not wrong to follow your heart," Kain swallowed hard, fighting to keep his voice neutral. "It's been a rough few days for Rosa, of endless battles and worries. Give her time to cool down and gather her thoughts."
And me as well, Kain thought, shamed by his inability to keep his mind clear.
"You think so?" Cecil asked, barely daring to hope.
"She loves you," Kain said, remembering the shape of the words I love you on Rosa's mouth as she shouted at him beside the fire wall, now sounding accusatory. He pushed that memory aside. "But you know how Rosa gets focused. Once the mission is over and we're back in Baron, then try again and see how she responds."
"And you, Kain?" Cecil stopped abruptly, catching Kain's arm to halt him as well. "How do you feel about this, truly?"
Kain had nowhere to look but to meet Cecil's serious gaze and for one paralyzing second, Kain thought Cecil would see the truth in him, with all Kain's messy desires and forbidden longings on vulnerable display. But Cecil said nothing, only waited, with no apparent judgment in his gray eyes.
"I am happy for you both," Kain said evenly. When Cecil's expression did not change, waiting for more, Kain cleared his throat and continued, "I was a child clinging to yesterday and how things used to be. You two are my dearest friends and I am glad you found each other." Then, belatedly added, "Brother."
For a terrible moment longer, Cecil maintained the neutral look, and Kain internally floundered, unsure of how else he could convincingly lie to both Cecil and himself. But then Cecil smiled, and it was like the night shadows parting for the moon's shining presence.
"Thank you, brother," Cecil said, then turned and started walking again, though his smile lingered on.
Kain, as always, followed.
After rejoining the rest of the crew and the Mysidian rescue team at the crash site, they made their gradual way back to Mysidia. Each night, Kain had vague dreams of someone trying to tell him something but could never remember the details upon waking.
Rosa tried to find a way to speak to Kain, but there was little privacy in a military camp, and Kain made sure there was no opportunity for her to be alone with him. She watched him with sad eyes that Kain desperately tried to avoid.
Cecil's initial joy at their reunion quickly wore away into worry at Rosa and Kain's disquieting silence, watching them both with increasing apprehension.
"Are you truly well?" Cecil asked one night in the forest, pulling Kain aside for a quiet word. "You both seem so troubled."
"We are both weary," Kain replied, trying to muster up a smile as he added, "It will be better when we are back in Baron and rested."
"Of course," Cecil said, some of the tension going out of him, to Kain's relief.
After a night of fitful rest in Mysidia, they made the draining journey through the Devil's Road and back into Baron. Kain and Cecil left Rosa at her house, departing with a subdued goodbye. Joanna met Rosa at the door, pulling Rosa into a tight embrace, fresh tears of gratitude streaming down her cheeks.
Any questions Kain had for Joanna, prompted by his strange dreams on Mount Ordeals, were forgotten; the display of maternal affection seemed alien and off putting to Kain.
Kain's feet felt heavy as he trudged up to the Baron castle. Cecil, dutiful as ever, went first to report to King Odin. Alone at last, Kain dragged himself up the stairs of the tower to his room. Once inside, he wearily took off his heavy armor, leaving each piece haphazardly strewn on the floor.
Although it was only late morning, Kain crawled into his bed, pulled his bedcovers up over his head, and tried to pretend nothing in his world had changed. It did not take long for his mental and physical exhaustion to catch up to him, pulling him down to sleep.
To his eternal relief, he did not dream.
Kain woke to Cecil knocking at his door, insisting that Kain hurry up and get dressed so they could go into town and celebrate.
"All of the Red Wings will be there," Cecil told him, impatiently pacing back and forth as Kain dressed himself. "We must go. You and Rosa surviving on Mount Ordeals is all anyone can talk about. And most importantly," Cecil stopped his pacing abruptly, looking lost and unsure as he spoke, "Rosa will be there, too, and I don't know how to act around her anymore. Do I pretend nothing happened? Do I ask her directly? Do I just kiss her again and see what happens?"
The onslaught of Cecil's rapid questions left Kain feeling raw and exposed. The unfairness of the situation tore at him, despite knowing that he had caused it himself. For Cecil, he reminded himself, because what Cecil wanted was important above all else.
"Just be yourself," Kain finally answered. "When the moment feels right, do whatever your heart compels you to say or do. If Rosa feels the same, she'll tell you." Or show you, Kain thought, hating himself for knowing exactly what that looked like.
Cecil seized Kain in a sudden embrace, hugging Kain tightly. "Thank you, brother. For everything."
Kain said nothing, any possible words drowned out by a fresh wave of both guilt and relief.
Baron was fond of its romantic tales of heroism and became eagerly enthralled with the new story of survival and tenacity. How Rosa been tossed from the ship and Kain followed without hesitation; how Rosa had climbed down a mountain of death, protected by her dearest friend; how Cecil had saved the crew and then braved the Mount Ordeals Forest to rescue them both; and how Kain had fought through endless battles to bring Rosa back to Cecil.
Inside the Inn was a roar of activity and drink, packed mostly Red Wings soldiers, a few Dragoons, and townsfolk. Cecil and Kain were welcomed with a cheer and had drinks promptly bought for them. In fact, as the evening progressed, Kain found he never had an empty mug for long.
Rosa's arrival only encouraged more drinking for Kain, trying to forget so many things that she stirred in him. Cecil, however, was suddenly lit from within in her presence, unable to stop smiling, his eyes never leaving her face. Cecil's obvious affection for Rosa was a terrible relief – Kain knew they would be happy together and that this was the best outcome for all, but seeing it happen in front of him made his heart ache. Maybe, Kain hoped, once they were together and finally out of reach, his jealous longing for both would finally die.
Kain was pressed for details about the adventure on Mount Ordeals but deferred the questions with a shrug. "It was dreary and full of the undead. Not much more to say about it."
Rosa, too, was tight-lipped about the experience. "It was much like my training," she said, dismissing the feat of their survival as if it were routine and dull. As the evening went on, whenever Cecil was distracted by another conversation or getting fresh drinks from the bar, she'd watch Kain openly. She said nothing to him but did not have to; he read the misery plainly on her face.
At some point, the weight of Rosa's disappointment became too much to withstand. "I need air," Kain declared suddenly, standing only with a slight wobble. Willing himself to steadiness, he made his way out of the Inn.
Outside, the cool night air was a much-needed relief, along with the relative quiet, as compared to the chaotic mix of conversations inside. Kain threaded his way through the small group of people gathered by the door, walking around to privacy of the side of the building. There, in the Inn's shadow, Kain leaned against the wall and just breathed deeply; he hadn't realized quite how drunk he was until now.
A wave of dizziness seized him, making the world tilt awkwardly back and forth. The effect made his stomach flip. Kain eased himself down to the ground, telling himself he only needed to sit down for a moment.
What would happen while he was gone? Kain wondered, imagining Cecil might seize the moment without Kain present, finally telling Rosa his feelings. Would she reciprocate? Jealousy gripped him tightly, threatening to crowd out all other thoughts.
No, Kain admonished himself, pushing down the anxiety of them together. Instead, he turned his mind to his strange dreams, drunkenly reassembling them in his mind, trying to comb through for a clue he may have missed.
He would have lingered there most of the night, content in his inebriated stupor, but he heard footsteps, and looked up to see Albert approaching.
"Albert!" Kain called out with surprised joy, slightly louder than he intended.
"There you are," Albert said with palpable relief. "I was worried when you disappeared." He offered a hand and Kain took it, leveraging himself up to his feet.
The world tilted again, sending Kain stumbling, making his stomach flip uneasily. His stomach continued to churn and his mouth suddenly watered. He leaned over, hands braced on his knees, and vomited; the alcohol burned his throat and nose on its way back up.
Albert was beside Kain, holding his hair back, patting his back lightly as Kain fully emptied the contents of his stomach. Kain wondered if Albert had ever done the same for Richard, or vice versa. Had they been friends, close enough to share a secret?
"I need to ask you something," Kain said as he straightened, wiping his mouth on his shirt sleeve. He leaned back against the wall, letting it support him. "It is a strange question, but please answer it anyway." Kain tried to stand perfectly still, not wanting to risk dizziness again. When he felt steady, he looked up at Albert and asked, "Did my mother have an accent? Was she from Baron?"
Albert blinked in surprise, obviously not expecting this line of questioning. "Yes, she had an accent. She was from Troia originally – King Odin recruited her personally."
"Recruited?" Kain asked, not understanding.
Albert's face softened in pity. "Did Richard not tell you?" When Kain shook his head, Albert sighed, then continued, "Your mother was a knight. An especially skilled one, too."
Kain's world spun again, sending his head into a dizzy whirl. The dream-detail of his mother's accent seemed too eerie to be a coincidence. Could the dreams truly have been real? He had been going back and forth on whether he believed them or not, and the possible confirmation seemed suddenly overwhelming.
Kain drew in a steadying breath, then asked, "One day in the castle halls, you and Roland came upon Joanna and my father in a confrontation of sorts. Did you ever learn what happened to make him so angry?"
"How do you know this?" Albert asked in a low voice.
"I had strange dreams while on Mount Ordeals. I think my parents are trying to tell me something, I just don't know what." Kain opened his eyes again, to see Albert standing there, his face gone pale. "What happened?"
"I don't know," Albert replied, and then at Kain's immediate scowl, spoke again, "Truly, I do not know for certain. But I will tell you what I know. You deserve that much." Albert paused, but Kain only waited expectantly for Albert to continue. Albert seemed to decide something, nodding slightly to himself. "I think it started with your mother."
"My mother?" Kain asked, surprised. "But she would have been dead for years."
"I only have pieces. It'll be up to you to put them together in a way that makes sense." Albert paused for a thoughtful moment, then asked, "Did Richard ever tell you about their courtship?"
Kain shook his head. "He never spoke of her. And I never thought to ask."
"Before Elena came to Baron, Joanna, Roland, and Richard were all close friends. There was a lot of gossip about both trying to court her. Richard never said anything to me or anyone, but he obviously pined for her. But then Elena arrived in Baron, and…" Albert hesitated, his gaze distant as he smiled in memory. "Elena was an incredible woman. Not just beautiful but smart and formidable on the battlefield. It was easy to forget about other women when she was around, and Richard was no exception. He courted her with a tenacity like no other, and ultimately won her hand."
"And Joanna was left with Roland as a consolation prize?" Kain prompted when Albert had gone quiet.
"Perhaps," Albert said, looking suddenly uncomfortable. "And then, when Elena…" he paused, considering Kain closely. "What do you know about your mother's death?"
"Only that she was weakened from blood loss and a passing illness took her after my birth," Kain replied uncertainly, not sure where this was going.
Albert looked confused, then understanding softened the expression into pity. "Is that what Richard told you?" he asked quietly.
"What happened to my mother?" Kain closed his eyes again, trying to ward off a new wave of dizziness.
"Kain, I'm sorry," Albert's voice was closer, speaking gently. "She killed herself."
Shock hit Kain hard; eyes still closed, trying not to fall over, he braced an arm against the wall for support. He felt his mouth watering again and tried to swallow down the urge to vomit. "But..." he started to ask but found no words to follow.
"I don't know why," Albert said, answering the question Kain was unable to ask. "And neither did Richard. They were both excelling in their careers. They just had you and were enthralled. Their marriage seemed happy."
"Seemed?" Kain prompted, straightening himself back up to a full stand. He thought back to his dreams at Mount Ordeals and all that he knew about his father and Joanna. With a sudden clarity that only possesses the very drunk, all the irregular pieces finally seemed to fit together. "Did Joanna and my father have an affair and my mother found out?" he asked, only slightly slurring his words.
Kain thought then of the box Elena had held, and whatever within that had caused her such anger. Had Kain ever seen that box, or any of his mother's things? Had Richard not looked through her belongings until a decade had passed, and what had he discovered that made him so furious with Joanna?
"Then..." inspired by the idea, Kain spoke quickly. "My father somehow finds out, years later, that his affair with Joanna is what caused his wife to..." Kain trailed off, unable to finish the thought. He shook his head, then continued more subdued. "And he blames Joanna. Is it possible?"
"It's possible. It's what I have long suspected but never confirmed," Albert admitted quietly. "Do you really want to poke at this, Kain? You can be your own man, unburdened by the secrets of your parents. Make your own legacy instead of following another's."
For a moment, Kain wondered why this was so important. He tried to tell himself that uncovering this secret wasn't just a distraction from the complicated triangle that was his currently imploding love life. Instead, it was his father's legacy that was what had always propelled him forward, always with the aim of being more like Richard. Would confirming Richard's possible moral failings help Kain accept his own?
Kain's head swam, spinning circles between his ears. He drew in a breath to try and steady himself; some of the blurriness left his vision. "I need to know," he said on a shaky exhale.
"Then go to the Highwind estate," Albert offered. "Your house in Baron was rented. All of Richard and Elena's belongings would have been sent there for storage. If there are answers for you in the past, you should start there."
It had never occurred to Kain to visit the Highwind estate. His life had always been in Baron. He left the management of the property to the castle's steward, who sent Kain regular updates on the state of the accounts. Kain never bothered to read them.
Kain had more questions for Albert, but a moving shadow on the ground warned them of an approaching figure. Kain turned to see Rosa and was equal parts elated and miserable at the sight of her.
"Kain? Did you drink yourself sick?" Rosa asked, full of concern, coming closer to him.
"M'all right," Kain mumbled in reply. Then, determined not to let his guard down, took his own step back. "Stay back," he warned her.
"We need to talk," Rosa said, sounding desperate. "Before this gets anymore out of hand. Before Cecil tries to—oh!" She stopped abruptly, having only just spotted Albert on the other side of Kain.
"My apologies, Miss Farrell," Albert said with a quick bow. "I was just leaving."
"Albert, wait-" Kain protested, not trusting himself to be alone with Rosa. He remembered Albert from years prior, angry and scolding him in the armory. Kain felt a pang of nostalgia for the memory, wishing that version of Albert could step in again and save Kain from himself. Albert, this time, was swiftly gone and Kain was no longer a child to be protected, but a grown adult to face his own problems.
"There is nothing to talk about," Kain said, trying to keep his voice even and steady, free from slurring. "Do not make this harder than it has to be."
"It's not too late," Rosa said, taking an uncertain step toward him. "We can tell Cecil the truth. He may hurt for a while, but he'll eventually understand." She reached out and took his hand in hers; he did not fight her, liking the feel of her soft skin against his. "Please," Rosa pleaded, peering up at him.
Kain's back met the wall, and he could distance himself no further. "You love us both, but Cecil is the better man for you. He will make you a queen. He will always be better than me. Your heart will tell you the same."
"It is not just my heart that wants you," Rosa confessed in a whisper. "But everything in me. Didn't I show you that?" The melancholy in her voice made Kain's heart ache with guilt. "I told you that one night would be enough for me, but I was wrong. And so are you."
When she started to lean toward him, Kain held her by both shoulders, keeping her at literal arm's length. "Don't," Kain said, thinking he might vomit again. Then, remembering earlier, he added, "Don't get too close. I just threw up."
Rosa looked visibly disappointed, her shoulders deflating as she stepped back from him.
"We should go back in," Kain said, trying to force a smile, needing to pretend this could all work out. "Cecil will be worried by now."
Rosa sighed, then wordlessly turned around, walking off back around the corner to the Inn's front door. Kain followed, feeling a bit more stable and clearheaded than before, the conversation effectively sobering him.
Inside, Cecil was waiting, looking worried and then relieved when he spotted them both. Across the table from him sat a pretty brunette, who smiled widely at Kain when he approached. It took Kain's slow mind a moment to place her -
Marion, one of the girls in class, Rosa reminded him from his memory, a ghost of her childhood self, She was asking me all sorts of questions about you, and I realized, she likes you, and I got this feeling.
Kain gave Marion an awkward smile and she seemed to interpret that positively, shifting down the bench to make room. "Come sit with me, Kain," Marion insisted, patting the space beside her. "And tell me all about that daring jump from the airship."
Before Kain could respond, Rosa blurted out, "He broke his legs, you know."
Marion openly looked Kain up and down as he stood there, assessing him carefully. "Looks well healed to me," she said with a shrug.
Rosa's jaw was tight with tension, and as she opened her mouth to retort, Cecil spoke over her, "Why don't you two go get drinks?" Cecil suggested, looking between Kain and Marion. "I'd... like to talk to Rosa, for a moment."
"Great idea," Marion said, already standing up.
Kain followed, but with one glance back saw Cecil take Rosa's hand in his. "I just wanted to say..." Kain heard Cecil start, before the crowd around them drowned out the rest. Kain turned back and continued to follow Marion to the bar.
There, with new drinks in hand, Kain and Marion sat side by side on stools, chatting back and forth, often having to lean in close to be heard. Marion asked him about Mount Ordeals, and Kain found himself answering honestly. He described the despair of the place and how dead carried so much anger and pain in them. The alcohol seemed to loosen his tongue, enough for the truth to bleed out.
At some point, Marion leaned in closer again, as they had been. "I was thinking..." she murmured, quietly enough that Kain shifted closer himself to hear her. "...that you should test out your legs, before your next Jump."
"And how would I do that?" Kain asked, genuinely not getting her meaning.
"I could think of a few ways," Marion remarked as she reached casually down, placing her hand high on Kain's thigh. "Can you?" she asked, giving him a coy smile as she lightly squeezed.
It took him a sluggish moment longer, but then understanding washed over him. "A few," he repeated back at her, feeling suddenly awkward and ungainly, his voice feeling thick in his throat.
"I have a room upstairs," Marion said, withdrawing her hand. "If you want," she added, trying to sound casual and light.
Kain looked aside, back at Rosa and Cecil at their table. Cecil was talking animatedly, while Rosa looked on with a smile. It was that smile, Kain realized, the one that had been his first, and now would only be for Cecil.
"I do," Kain said as he returned his attention back to Marion and found he did. It was a welcome distraction, he told himself, with no ulterior motive in mind, no secret desire to see Rosa burning with hurt and jealousy as Kain always did. Taking Kain's hand in hers, Marion led him through the crowded Inn, then toward the stairs to the second floor.
It was as they approached the stairs that Kain risked a glance back at Rosa, and found her watching him, his betrayal reflected in her sad eyes. She shook her head slowly, mouthing the word, Don't, then, Please.
Kain looked away, staring at his feet as he climbed the stairs.
This is for the best, Kain told himself, unsure if he would ever really believe it.