Hi everyone. It is a bit of a long chapter again this time but I just wanted to flag that this one is something very close to my heart. I suffer from the condition I decided to give Lottie in this story and have had the same experiences she discusses in this chapter. I wanted to flag here first that some of it might be a bit uncomfortable to read about but I think it is impoirtant that these things are discussed and become less taboo. So thank you for reading this chapter if you do.
Chapter 7
Lottie stirred awake to find she was alone on her left side in a white room. Looking around she realized she was in a hospital bed attached to an IV machine. She was wearing a hospital gown and a very unflattering set of hospital underwear with thick pads to soak up her blood.
"Shit!" she hissed and gingerly rolled over onto her back. She didn't know what she had been given but her level of pain had drastically dropped. She felt slightly better with the pain in her head and the IV was clearly giving her fluids but she felt spaced out like she knew something was in her system that she didn't agree with and she felt sick. Her backpack was nearby and she managed to reach it and find her clothes were inside. Thankfully by default she also had pads and spare underwear in her bag too so she felt somewhat human again. She couldn't help but smile thinking that her cell outfit was most likely cut up and in a bin somewhere. She did her best to get dressed and managed to get her leggings and trainers on, but the IV prevented her from putting her t-shirt on. Only one thing for it, she unpicked the tape that kept it in place and slowly removed it from her arm hissing as she did. It wasn't her first time doing it and she had learnt from the past not to just rip it out the back of her hand. She had to go slowly and keep her hand as still as possible. Finally it was out. She quickly finished getting dressed, grabbed her backpack and headed for the door.
She saw at the end of the corridor she found herself in were Kate and Steve talking to a doctor. "Fuck!" she muttered and headed towards them. They were what blocked her from the door so she had to confront them head on.
"Lottie, what the hell are you doing?" Steve asked in shock seeing her out of bed and fully dressed when only an hour before she looked half dead covered in blood. She ignored him and addressed the doctor.
"I want to be discharged, now, please" Lottie asked with as much authority as she could muster.
"Lottie I wouldn't recommend that. You have lost a lot of blood today and you are still looking rather pale" the doctor began but Lottie shook her head defiantly.
"Don't care, I want to leave now." Steve and Kate started to argue against it but the doctor kept her attention on her patient.
"Why do you want to leave right now?" she asked and Lottie was thankful for the focus.
"Because I know what this is. I know you have no answers. I know that you are saying to my friend and my brother that it is just my body doing what it naturally does. Well I don't feel natural here. I've got pain killers now, I have a support system from a clinic close to home and I have a pain in the ass brother here who will keep an eye on me. I just can't do this here. Please, let me go." She explained and as she spoke tears formed in her eyes and her tone turned from bold defiance to a defeated whisper. The doctor glanced at Kate and Steve who both looked like this was the worst idea imaginable.
"On three conditions. Firstly you let us tape up your hand from where you took out your IV. Secondly you stay here for another hour to get your blood sugar up and get you back hydrated. Finally, you come back here tomorrow for a check-up."
"Done" Lottie said before Steve and Kate could protest. "What did you give me by the way?"
"Morphine."
"No wonder I feel so sick. Morphine doesn't agree with me" Lottie explained.
"Well, let's go back to your room and we can do something about that over the hour you are here, ok?" the doctor asked. Lottie nodded. "Are you happy for them to come to?" the doctor asked and indicated to Steve and Kate. Lottie looked at them and shook her head.
"No"
"Lottie –" Steve began to protest taking a slight step forward but she held up a hand stopping him.
"I'll explain everything, I promise. I just can't do it here. Give me the hour Steve and I'll give you everything."
Steve didn't know how to process what he had seen today. He watched his sister get assaulted, arrested and questioned, her nearly bleeding to death for all he knew in a cell and now she had completely rejected him for the first time in her life. He felt numb.
"You ok mate?" Kate asked and he felt her take his hand. He nodded and Kate guided him over to the seating area where the two sat down. Kate kept hold of his hand.
"Is this what it's like for you too?" he asked confusing Kate.
"Are you asking me about my periods?" Kate asked confused. He let go of her hand and ran his hands over his face.
"Sorry that was a really inappropriate thing to ask you. I'm just …. Can you forget I asked it?"
"Sure. The answer is no. I've never had issues like Lottie before. Felt the frustrations of being a woman of course but that is a lifelong thing to live with being female. I'm lucky I don't have any added complications" Steve unexpectedly smiled. "What?" Kate asked.
"Sorry, I just haven't had conversations at any point in my life about women's periods, their hormones or difficulties. Jut never would have guessed I'd end up in a gynecology department talking about your periods when waking up this morning." Kate couldn't help smiling too at his baffled expression.
"Well you are living with a female teenager with raging hormones so get used to it. Seriously though mate, are you ok? You look a bit peaky yourself."
It was only then that Steve realized he was guilty of not having eaten or drunk anything most of the day given everything that had happened and he had been through the wringer that day with everything that happened.
"Yeah, could do with some food."
'Steve is my designated protector, but who is his? I'm thankful he has a friend like you to keep an eye on him'. Lottie's words filled Kate's mind in that moment. Lottie needed her to protect Steve so that is what she would do.
"Let's go do that then. We have an hour to kill."
Exactly one hour later Lottie discharged herself looking stronger and less pale. She only confirmed she was better and only in a little pain now. The three took a silent taxi back to the AC-12 offices as Kate and Steve had ridden in the ambulance from the cells with Lottie and so had no way of getting back. Kate, understanding that Lottie needed to talk to Steve alone, arranged to see Lottie at the flat in a couple of days later and left the two alone outside the AC-12 office.
"Feeling better?" Steve asked before handing her a take away coffee cup full of hot chocolate.
"A bit. It's gonna take a while to shake this day off." Steve sat next to her on their usual bench outside the AC-12 office following the hospital trip and watched her drink some hot chocolate glad she had sugar in her system. "Steve, please don't tell mum and dad about this. They'd make me go back to London and I can't do that, not now. I'm happy here with you. Please don't make me."
The pros and cons weighted heavily on Steve in that moment. They weren't just Lottie's parents, they were his too and there was a fine line between pushing the boundaries as a child and pushing the boundaries as an adult. He may just be about to cross that line.
"If I do this, I need you to talk to me about the women's clinic. I don't say that to be nosey. If I am going to protect you then no secrets can be between us. I won't say a word of what you say to anyone, I swear. I just need to understand. Take your time."
Lottie took a deep breath and he saw tears in her eyes. She couldn't look at him so she decided to look straight ahead at the car park.
"For the past three years I've been having ... problems with my cycle. Just bad pain and not feeling right even in my early teens I knew something was wrong. Then I started having really heavy periods despite my age. They happened out of the blue and then became more consistent. Mum knows. I spoke to her about it when I was thirteen and she took me to a doctor."
This was news to Steve but he understood. Now thinking back, Lottie would have what was dubbed as 'girly days' going out with their mum and he never thought otherwise about them just as Lottie never thought otherwise when Steve and his dad went to football matches.
"What did they say?" he asked.
"That I was thirteen and it's a natural thing so I must have a low pain threshold. So I put up and shut up … I'm sick of shutting up now so I went to the clinic. I've been poked, prodded, scanned external and internal, spoken about surgery, and then had a load of tests done. They were the tests I was getting results on today."
"What were the tests?" Steve asked and a silent tear fell from Lottie's eyes. Steve put a hand on hers.
"A number of things like cysts and blood abnormalities … and cancer."
Steve wanted to explode and demand why he didn't know she was having a cancer screening or their parents but he managed to keep his cool.
"And?" he asked nervously.
"All results came back negative."
"Oh thank Christ" Steve said and pulled her towards his chest. She wept into his chest and he kissed the top of her head. They stayed that way for a few minutes until she pulled away embarrassed. She wiped her tears away and sniffed, unable to look at him again.
"So what now?" he asked putting his arm back around her shoulders refusing to let her push him away. She couldn't help feeling thankful he kept her close to him.
"They think I might have a hormone imbalance which explains my moods and they mentioned a condition called endometriosis which I stumbled across in research years ago. I've suspected it for a while given everything fits with it but it takes on average ten years to diagnose and I'm three years in now. I basically don't know what pain I'll be on any given day or the severity of my bleeding for my cycle. Today was just major shit timing and being stuck in a cell with no access to what I needed I bled everywhere. Some months I'm ok, others I can't get out of bed until my cycle is done. It's not life threatening but it could mean a multitude of things could happen. I could be on pain killers for decades, I could be having surgeries, I might be put on anti-depressants … and I might never have kids." The weight of those last words hung heavy in the air.
"I'm so sorry Nushka."
She took a deep breath and finally looked at him feeling stronger now the words were out. "Never wanted them but what sixteen year old does? It is one thing to make the choice yourself, it's a whole other ball game when a doctor is telling you it may never happen."
"Key word here is 'may'. That isn't 'no'. You have to keep remembering that."
She nodded. "It just kills me to think that you might never become an uncle because it is my fault."
"No, don't do that. It's not your fault Lottie. Life has just thrown you a bad hand but that doesn't mean it is the be all and end all. Like I said 'may' is the key word here. Anyway, there are so many options out there now; this doesn't slam the door shut. FYI I refuse for you to make me an uncle in the next ten years else I will ground you for eternity."
That made Lottie laugh which made Steve feel better. "You're right, I hate to say it but you're right. I can't let it consume me or I'll lose me." She ran her hands through her hair, looked up at the sky and yelled "WHAT A SHIT DAY!" out of the blue making Steve smile.
"Better?"
"Loads actually" she admitted.
"Good."
"Steve, can we forget that this day ever happened? Take it one day at a time again?"
He nodded. "Sure. Let's go home. Your secret is safe with me and what mum and dad don't know can't hurt them." She let out a sign of relief and hugged him.
"Thank you for being so understanding" she whispered.
"Thank you for telling me the truth" he whispered back. They pulled apart and stood up.
"So when are you going to make me into an auntie?" she asked with a smile and he gave her a little nudge on her upper arm.
"I'm so tired. Can we have a take away tonight? I really fancy a curry." Lottie asked and Steve smiled. He had always loved curry so he was glad that although his sister was growing up so quickly in front of his eyes there were some things that never changed.
"You got it."
Ted remained at the office due to work and was relieved when Kate appeared giving him an update on Lottie. He asked Kate if it was ok he could come with her on her visit too and put a reminder in his phone to get Lottie some flowers. Now he had to make the phone call that he was somewhat dreading given he didn't know what the reaction would be. He dialed the number and after four rings it was picked up.
"Hello?" a mature woman's voice said on the other end.
"Hello can I speak to Gwen Robinson please?" Ted asked reminding himself to ask for her married surname not her maiden surname of 'Wright'.
"Speaking and please call me Gwen"
"Gwen, this is Superintendent Edward Hastings. I head up the anti-corruption unit where your brother Christopher used to work. Some information has come to light and we are formally investigating your brothers' case. I was hoping that you would be open for us to have a meeting and talk about it."
Gwen for silent for several seconds.
"Only took you forty years to answer my messages then?"
"Those messages were long before my time in this department I'm afraid. However, I am willing to answer the messages if you are ok with that."
He heard clicking and realized he was hearing a cigarette being lit with a lighter. The number of clicks told him that it wasn't lighting as it should either due to it not working or her hands were shaking too much.
"You need to come to me in Northumbria if you are doing this. About time you lot came to me. Forty years is a long time to wait."
"Is that a yes?" he asked.
"Yes."