Chapter 9
Gwen wasn't much open to conversation after she took a break to process the existence of the plaque. It was something that Ted and Steve hadn't even contemplated as being a possible issue when speaking to her. They assumed Gwen was the person who applied for the plaque to be put up so another task had been added to their to-do list to look into. They filled the rest of the day speaking with friends and neighbours of Gwen to get other prospective of Christopher or pick up on any indications of oddities they hadn't found. However all of them were stories of what a wonderful, funny, humble man Christopher was. A few of those they spoke with, mainly older men put their guard up when learning Ted and Steve were from anti-corruption and one thinking the belief that Christopher was corrupt nearly took a swing at Steve who became his target simply for being in the man's eye line. A few stern words from Ted calmed the situation.
They decided to call it a day and each went off to enjoy their evening as they wished. Steve could have gone to a bar or pub, picked up a girl and taken her to his hotel room but the thought rather disgusted than intrigued him. He could have sat in his hotel room going through the letters and diaries but the thought of being locked in made him restless. It brought Lottie to mind and her frustration being confined to the sofa. He decided to call her.
"Hey, Steve" he heard Lottie's cheery voice and could tell she was smiling.
"Hey. Just checking in. How are you?"
"Good, I'm feeling much better and on my second servicing of Kate's excellent casserole."
"Good to hear. Sounds more appetizing than what is up for grabs at the hotel I'm in."
"We'll try and save you some. So how was Gwen?" Clearly Lottie had wanted to ask that question from the moment she picked up the phone given her tone of voice.
"She was interesting. Gave us a lot of information. I can't say anymore Nushka."
"Even though technically we are bending the rules?"
"Even then. Sorry." The sounds of a blender being used loudly caused Steve to pull the phone away from his ear until it stopped. "What the hell was that?"
"Kate. She's making margaritas."
"What?"
"No I'm not" he heard Kate call from across the room. She must have been in the kitchen.
"Ok she's making us smoothies."
"That's more like it. Can you put her on the phone for a minute?"
He heard Lottie call for Kate and the phone being passed over. "Two calls in one day, you must miss me."
"Can you get away from Lottie for a minute? We need to talk about the case." He heard her move about the flat and close a door behind her.
"Ok, go ahead."
"Where are you?" Steve asked somewhat surprising her.
"Your bedroom, why?"
"Just making sure you weren't in Lottie's. She leaves clothes everywhere. Every time I go into her room I am fearful I'm going to trip and break my neck."
"I'll remember that, so what's going on?"
Steve told her everything that happened with Gwen and she noted down on her notepad to look into the plaque records if possible and the names of the people she mentioned.
"He kept diaries?" Kate asked
"Yep and lots of them. I'm going to spend the evening going through them and see what I can find."
"Quite the party animal" Kate smiled.
"I have my moments. You doing ok with Lottie."
"We're fine Steve, really. She's been great today and if there is any reason for concern I will call you. Remember that little chat we had about parenting? Well you need to relax. Follow Lottie's lead and put on some music or something."
"Understood. I promise I won't call again until tomorrow. Can I talk to her?"
"Sure." The phone got handed back to Lottie in the living room.
"Back for more?" she asked.
"Just for a question. Can you recommend an album for me to listen to?" Stunned silence followed.
"You … you want music advice? From me?" He could hear the shock in her voice.
"Yes, if that is ok?"
"More than ok! You just want a random album to listen to or something that aligns with the tat you call music?" That made Steve smile.
"Something I never would listen to. I fancy something new. I'm so used to music playing in the flat since you arrived it is too quiet in my hotel room. So what album do I have to listen to?"
"Easy! Rumours by Fleetwood Mac. Only the greatest album of all time. It's incredible. You have to tell me what you think of it. Oh, there are so many others as well! Do you have spotify? I'll send you a list of other albums" Lottie gushed full of excitement.
After downloading spotify and going over how to navigate through it with Lottie he came across the Rumours album.
"Ok, I'll leave you to enjoy your music education. I will be expecting home work and discussions when you get back. I will send you other albums as well to look into."
"See you tomorrow." Suddenly Gwen popped into his head and what she had told him. "Love you."
"Love you too."
He hung up and headed for the closest supermarket to buy a load of snack food he could consume in his hotel room and few bottles of beer. Once back at his room he pressed play on spotify and listened to Rumours whilst laid on the bed. He wasn't one to listen to music a lot or really sit and listen to lyrics but this time he did and he had to admit, Lottie was right. He recognized some of the tracks from films and TV shows but couldn't tell anyone what the songs were called until now. As promised a load of other albums and songs arrived across multiple texts from Lottie and he decided to focus on Fleetwood Mac since that was where he started. It turned into an enjoyable couple of hours and cleared his mind to then start going through the diaries and letters to try and put them in order.
Steve went to bed late that night and woke up early. It had had very vivid dreams of a variety of distorted images. He wasn't sure if it was the junk food, the beer, the music or the diaries that triggered it or perhaps all of them. One image in particular though was Lottie in the cell covered in blood. It would be an image seared on his mind forever. How was it only three days ago? He had managed to put the diaries in order pretty quickly but the letters were a bit more complicated. He had to use faded post marks as an indication of the order and found that some were for Gwen, others for their mother so he had developed two piles to co-ordinate his lines of communications. It looked like he would write to them either at the same time or very similar times, but Gwen's letters was always much longer and some periods only she got letters. Wanting a break from the ordering Steve began to read them from the earliest date he had managed to determine. He couldn't help but relate to some of the things Christopher said in them having moved away from home for work. Christopher would say in his letter to his mother that everything was fine but he let his guard down a bit with his letters to Gwen and reveal a bit of his loneliness and frustrations. Steve knew he had done the exact same thing when he phoned home and leaned on the young Lottie to lift his spirits.
Not able to get back to sleep he found himself taking a long walk through the streets of Northumbria, headphones in ears listening to more of the recommended music from Lottie. He did wonder why he never asked for music advice before. It could have helped him in earlier years being away from home. As the sun began to rise in the crisp early November air he found himself turning off the high streets and walking down more country paths and roads. He took this path for half an hour before he realized he was headed to Gwen's house. As he came up to a church it began to rain so he went through the church gate and decided to stand in the doorway sheltering until the rain passed.
"Couldn't sleep either?" he heard from behind him and turned to see Gwen sat in the middle of a built in bench in the shadows. He was so focused on getting out of the rain he never saw her.
"Something like that. Sorry if I am disturbing you."
"No, not at all. I like to come here when I need to breathe. I would sit inside but got here a bit too early today." She indicated to the clearly locked heavy wooden door.
"May I?" Steve asked indicating to the bench and she move over so there was room for him to sit down. He sat next to her. "I'm sorry if we did or said anything to upset you yesterday. We honestly believed that you were the one who got the plaque put up. If we had known otherwise we wouldn't have asked."
"Thank you for that. It was just a bit of a shock. Four hours drive doesn't seem that much of a distance but it is like the other side of the world to me. It might sound pathetic but this whole thing messed up my head for a long time." He shook his head.
"Nothing pathetic at all. Trauma impacts people in many different ways."
"I used to have panic attacks if I went too far from home. I don't get them now but I've never been able to leave Northumbria since. It's too hard to go to where he last was. This place is my safe zone, my protected bubble. I thought he was lost in the darkness forever. Now knowing someone clearly wanted him remembered and I never knew it has thrown me back forty years and I woke up with a cloudy head I haven't felt in the longest time." Her voice was shaking and he saw a silent tear fall down her cheek.
"My brain asks what if it wasn't someone who loved him? What if it was someone who hurt him? What kind of messed up mind would do that? If makes me sick to think this plaque is possibly a trophy for murder. Every year that passes you hope and pray your missing loved one is still alive …. But the older I get the closer I get to the grave without knowing – " she stopped and lowered her head, unable to stop the tears from flowing. Steve, not knowing what to do or knowing where the line of professionalism was, put a hand on Gwen's and left it there while the fragile soul beside him let out forty years of frustration and sorrow. Finally she took a deep breath and composed herself. "Well that was embarrassing" she muttering.
"No it wasn't. Can I show you something?" she nodded so Steve let go of her hand and pulled out his phone from his inside pocket. He pulled up the gallery and showed Gwen a picture of Lottie. It was one from weeks earlier when they had taken a trip out shopping on a Saturday morning when both weren't working. Despite the cold they sat outside a café and Lottie had seen a stray tabby cat. Compelled to see if it was ok she went to pet it and the cat ended up coming over to their table and staying by her side the whole time they eat there. Steve got a picture of Lottie with her new friend. Lottie was crouched down on the ground and was scratching the cat on the underside of its neck. The cat had titled its head back and had its eyes closed clearly happy to have the experience. Lottie was looking at the camera with a large grin and excitement in her eyes. Immediately after she had begged Steve to get a cat but he shot that suggestion down right away. Gwen looked at the picture and smiled.
"She's so pretty. Is this?"
"My sister, Lottie."
"How old is she?"
"Sixteen so as you can imagine I have my work cut out! … Three days ago I thought I was going to lose her. She's fine but I can't get the image out of my head of what she looked like. I got my first experience of a cloudy head this morning … In no way am I saying that I understand what you are feeling or ever experienced because I can't ever, but having gone through what I have recently it's nice to know I'm not alone in feeling this. Do you believe in fate or destiny?"
"You're talking to a devote Catholic."
He nodded. "Lottie was the one who found Christopher. She's the reason I'm here. I woke up early today, randomly and found myself here at this church when I had no idea it existed. It sounds odd but maybe I was meant to come here to hear what you had to say after what we have recently been through. Sorry if that sounds ridiculous."
"No not at all. I'm glad she is ok. You must cherish every moment with her. I also think you need someone to talk to. It can be easier with someone you know but in my experience it is a million times easier with a complete stranger as it were. If you want, any time, any day, I'm happy to be that person."
He nodded and didn't know why he felt emotional all of a sudden. "Thank you" he managed to say and Gwen rested her hand on his. They watched the rain continue to fall for a while and the cloud in both their minds faded away with the rain clouds in the sky.
Several hours later Steve found himself walking into his flat carrying his bag and the box of Christopher's belongings to find Kate and Lottie painting each other's nails and listening to music. At least this time he knew who the band was, Travis. Lottie got up seeing him and gave him a hug in the doorway. She was no longer pale and was more like her old self.
"What's all this?" she asked taking the box off him and putting it on the dining room table.
"Some of Christopher's belongings. Don't touch them, they are evidence." Lottie nodded and backed away.
"Heard and understood."
"Good trip?" Kate asked.
"Yes but tough. Gwen is unlike any person I've ever met. I honestly don't know how she has been so strong for all this time. It's remarkable."
"I look forward to meeting her. Right I best be off then. Leave you two to it" Kate remarked and Lottie groaned.
"Really? Can't you stay for dinner at least?" Lottie asked.
"I'd really like you to stay Kate, to really thank you for staying overnight" Steve explained and Kate smiled.
"Okay, I'd like that."
After Kate had left Steve found himself on the sofa flicking through spotify on his phone. He was quickly joined by Lottie who clearly was very excited to talk.
"So, Rumours. Talk to me" she demanded. He smiled and turned to face her.
"Ok, I admit it. It's a bloody good album … but"
She raised her eyebrows. "But?" she asked.
"Landslide should have been on that album and not their previous one."
Lottie's mouth fell open. "You did not just say that."
"What? It's my honest opinion. It seems to fit somehow better with Rumours."
"But without Landslide, Rumours may not have become the album that it became. You have to have something that kicks off the making of an extraordinary album" she explained.
"Well then, maybe you need to teach me a few things. Tell me about Fleetwood Mac." For the next hour Lottie told him everything he needed to know about the group. Lottie played him certain tracks as she explained the albums, sung along to songs and even quizzed Steve on what he had learned. The whole time Steve smiled at her excitement to share her passion with him and he cherished every minute. When she fell asleep on the sofa he picked her up in his arms and carried her to bed. It took him back to her being little and him doing the exact same thing.