Updated Author's Note: Hey y'all. I'm going through and editing the chapters now that I decided to give you a bit of a what's happened so I guess it's time to update and edit to make sure things are all right with everything else.
Disclaimer: I own this idea, but Degrassi and it's characters don't belong to me.
Chapter Two: Telling People
Clare's face stayed buried in the plush rabbit stuffed animal until Adam spoke again. "Clare, you have to tell him." He pleas, his voice soft. He doesn't want to pressure Clare, she can tell. And he's right, she does need to tell Eli. Whether she likes it or not, this is their child. The tiny growing being inside of her is both hers and Eli's, and she should tell him sooner rather than later.
Clare looks up from the rabbit and glances at Adam. He's holding her phone out to her and watching her, waiting to see what she's going to do. Clare sighs and takes a seat on her bed. She puts the pink rabbit down on her lap and gently places the pregnancy test down on the nightstand next to her bed. Then she slowly takes the phone from Adam. Staring down at her lock screen, Clare waits for the phone to open on it's own. When it doesn't she reluctantly enters her password and goes to contacts. She presses down on Eli's name and waits for him to pick up. As the phone rings, signaling she's waiting for him, Clare looks up at Adam. He gives her a smile. His smile is kind, and she knows he just wants to be there for her. Having Adam there eases the anxious feeling in her chest. She wouldn't want to do this alone and she wouldn't want to have to. Thankfully she had Adam. Hopefully she would have Eli there for her too.
"Clare?" Eli says when he answers the phone. Clare gets tongue tied as soon as she hears his voice. Stuck on what to tell him. Is she supposed to tell him over the phone? Does she ask him to come over to the house? Does she ask him to meet on neutral ground? When she doesn't speak after a moment, Eli talks again. "Clare are you there? I thought you hanging out with Adam today for some best friend time?" Eli asks, he sounds slightly worried. Clare had told Eli that she would be spending alone time with Adam, since she felt guilty about how little time they had spent together since Eli and Clare started dating the year prior. She felt their friendship had begun to lack and that Adam felt like a third wheel, and she didn't want that. Which is why Clare had originally designed this day to be a best friend day sans boyfriend. Unfortunately that's not how things wound up working out.
"I was...I mean, I still am. He's right here." Clare replies, doing her best to keep her voice calm and even. She decides it's best to ask Eli to come to the house. Telling him over the phone she couldn't properly tell his reaction, and asking him to meet somewhere might involve the possibility of a massive blow up in front of a park or place full of people. It would be best to meet one on one at her house. "I just, I wanted to see you. I need to see you. If...that's okay. I don't know if you made plans or something when I told you I would be hanging out with Adam all day." Clare stutters, pausing. She feels unsure of herself. Worried about how Eli will react.
"Give me ten minutes."
The phone goes silent and Clare hears the dial tone before the silence. She drops her hand down into her lap and glances at the small plastic test. It might have been small, but it seemed big right then. It seemed like it could scream, or laugh. Was it taunting her? Was it laughing at her? Clare didn't know, but that small test weighed a lot, said a lot. For being so small, it spoke with so much weight. Clare couldn't take her eyes off it, even when she heard Adam.
"You're doing the right thing, Clare." Adam spoke carefully, like he was trying to gauge her reaction to his words. Clare didn't know how to respond, she just shrugged. "I know this is...a lot..." Adam paused, trying to think of what to say to give his friend a sense of confidence. Clare laughs bitterly at the words 'a lot'. It was more than a lot, this was a situation the curly haired girl had never thought would happen to her. This wasn't something that she thought she would be doing. "Do you, uh, want to go wait downstairs?" Adam asks, holding his hand out to Clare.
Clare glances up at her friends outstretched hand. Grasping onto it, Clare turns back and takes the pregnancy test with her as they make their way downstairs. The pink bunny rabbit stuffed animal bouncing along the railing as they walk. Clare takes a seat on the couch, curling her legs up against her chest. She puts the pregnancy test down by her legs on the sofa cushion and plays with the ears of her rabbit. Without looking up, Clare starts talking like a dam burst. "What's going to happen? There are so many what ifs Adam. Like...what if my parents want me to get an abortion or put the baby up for adoption? What if Eli doesn't believe me? What if Eli has one of his...freak outs and does something stupid? What am I going to tell people? How can I tell Alli, or...or Jenna? Or anyone else? Oh my God, I'm a walking statistic. I'm going to be a teen mother. What if I'm a terrible mother? I don't know what to do with kids! All the experience I've had with kids is...family get togethers and working with the younger kids at Sunday school? I don't know how to raise a child! I'm not going to be able to do this." Clare speaks rapidly without taking a breath, ranting about everything until she can't think anymore. She wants to cry again, but she manages to hold back the tears. Worry covers her face, her body feels tense. She knows this is what has to be done. She has to tell Eli. These are choices that they have to make now. No matter what happens, her life is already different than it was a few hours ago when she was only looking up 'How do I know if I'm pregnant?' on Google.
"It sounds like you've already made up your mind." Adam comments quietly. Clare raises her head to look at him, tilting her head to the side. "Do you want to keep this baby, Clare?"
Clare looks at her friend, stunned. The question posed just then made her think. "I...I don't know. Maybe? I mean, despite everything I just know I couldn't go through with an abortion. That's one thing I know. Not that I've thought about it. I just, with all the talk and everything, it just wouldn't...feel right. Does that make sense?" Clare closes her eyes, scrunching her nose.
Before Adam can talk the doorbell dings. Clare looks up, worried. Being confronted with the news herself was one thing. Telling her boyfriend it was happening was another. Adam must have been able to tell how Clare was feeling since he stands up and nods with a light smile. Adam walks to the door and opens it, greeting his other best friend. "Clare, I'm going to go. Call me later, okay?" Adam calls back to Clare and leaves before she has a chance to reply. Once he's out the door the door closes and Clare hears footsteps. Eli sits down on the couch next to her with his signature smirk.
"Hey Edwards. What's so important that you ended your best friend date with Adam? You'd been looking forward to that since you made the plans." Eli sounds concerned that she cancelled on Adam suddenly. "Not that I don't love seeing you because I do." Eli chuckled with a genuine smile spreading across his face. He leans over and presses a kiss to her lips before pulling away.
Clare smiles and looks at Eli. Worry bubbles in her chest as her heartbeat echoes in her ears. Clare stands from the couch, dropping the rabbit to the cushion and taking the pregnancy test behind her back. Clare paces somewhat, hands behind her back trying to shield Eli from seeing the test until she mentions it. Clare looks at him and she can already see a question brewing. Before he can ask whatever it is that he's thinking, Clare speaks. "You love me right?"
Eli looks taken aback by the question, an incredulous look on his face. Shaking his head he speaks. "Of course I do. I love you Clare. So much. Why are you asking? What's going on?" Eli asks, moving to stand up.
Clare holds out her hand and Eli sits back down on the couch. He studies her for a minute and looks worried about what she could possibly be telling him next. Clare feels that worry from him, and also her own worry. "I'm...pregnant." Clare whispers quietly.
Eli tilts his head, cupping a hand around his ear. He teases Clare with a quick, "You'll have to speak up, Clare, my super sonic hearing is out of order."
Clare rolls her eyes. Normally she would have let a laugh out at that comment, but she needed to get this out. "I'm pregnant." Clare says louder. She stands with her hands behind her back and looks at her boyfriend sitting on the couch. Eli stares at her, silent. Clare counts six heartbeats echoing in her ears, and Eli still hasn't said anything. He looks stunned, and Clare is curious to see his reaction. Moving her hands from behind her back, Clare holds out the positive pregnancy test, "Eli, I am pregnant." Saying it out loud again somehow makes it more real to her. By repeating the phrase over time, Clare starts feeling the truth behind the words. Not just that she is pregnant herself, but that she is going to have a baby...a child. Despite all the things going wrong, that could go wrong, Clare has begun to realize that she is pregnant. That she wants to keep the child.
Eli doesn't respond, and it makes Clare nervous. She wants to shake him, or even hug him. Tell him that everything is going to be okay, that they can do this together. But she does neither. Clare just stands there and waits for Eli to respond.
"Wow." Eli finally says, no trace of emotion in his voice. "But...we used a condom."
Clare wanted to scoff at his reaction. Of course they'd used a condom when they'd had sex, but didn't he know they weren't always completely effective? That something could have been wrong. Clare reminded Eli of that, "They're not one hundred percent effective."
"I know that! I'm not stupid Clare!" Eli replies, his voice raised looking at Clare with angry eyes before he looked back down. A few moments passed, Clare counted the times her heartbeat pounded, echoing in her ears. Fifteen. "What are you going to do about it?"
Clare crosses her arms, suddenly feeling defensive. Like she was fighting for not only herself, but her child. "What am I going to do? This isn't some problem you can just push aside or hide away because you don't want to deal with it, Eli."
Eli stands up from the couch and looks at Clare. "You're right. This problem as you yourself just called it is something we can handle together." Clare looks shocked, but before she can say anything to counter Eli continues. He takes Clare's hands and speaks softly. "I'll go to the clinic with you and we can sort everything out there. We don't even have to tell anybody! This will all be over before your parents even get home. Everything will go back to normal."
Clare gasps and takes a step back, dropping Eli's hands roughly. "I'm not going to murder our child! You know that's against my beliefs."
"Having sex was against your beliefs too, but we still did that. I thought...I thought we were getting past your twisted Catholic upbringing."
"Yes, Eli, we had sex. We had sex and it was...good. But, look how well that turned out," Clare rolls her eyes, gesturing to her still flat stomach as if it's evidence enough.
Eli raises his own hand to gesture to her stomach before he talks again, "Clare don't you see how this problem will go away easily if you just got the operation? Welcome to the twenty-first century! A place where women are allowed to control their own fate, not their religion or their parents. You don't have to let this...this thing control your life, Clare!"
Clare's fists clench at her sides, digging into her hips as she gets angrier at Eli's words. How can he refer to her baby as "the problem"? How can he want her to murder their child? How can he not understand that she doesn't see herself doing that? When Clare controls herself, she speaks (hoping her voice doesn't crack with anger), "No, Eli. I can't...do that. I can't do that to my child, to our child."
"Are you serious?" Eli exclaims. "You're sixteen, I'm seventeen. We can't do...we can't raise a child! Do you think this is the right...environment to raise it in?"
"I don't know, Eli. I don't know at all, but I have to try! I have to. I don't see it any other way. I can't see it any other way."
Eli closes his eyes and his jaw tightens. "Well I can't, Clare." he says softly. "I can't have another life so closely linked to mine. Not after... I would make a horrible father! I ruin everything. I am so dysfunctional!" Eli shouts, angrily kicking the coffee table. Clare jumps back, surprised at the sudden outburst from her boyfriend. She watches as he stares at the table for a moment before fixing it back into it's original position and then sitting on the floor, arms wrapped around his legs. Clare waits, unsure what she should say then. So many thoughts run through her mind, she has flashes of memories. The Eli who kicked the table is the Eli Clare knew when they were first starting out. This is the Eli who freaked out when she touched his locker, the paranoid Eli who used violence instead of thinking things through. Clare studies Eli as he breathes in an out, noticing his signs of struggle. His frustration, his anger. She knows what she has to do.
"Fine, Eli." Clare speaks, softly, gaining his attention. He looks up from the floor. "It's not your problem. I thought that maybe you would understand...that we could talk about it, but obviously that's not going to happen now. I don't know if we ever can have a rational conversation about this. I just know what I'm capable of doing. What I want to do. What I'm going to do. So, you're free. Welcome to the twenty-first century." Clare gestures widely with her arm, toward the door. "A time where men don't have to be tied down to the women they get pregnant. You can go if you don't want this, but I know what I'm going to do."
Eli stands up, making a move to walk toward Clare but she takes a step back distancing herself. "Please, think this through. Don't let this ruin your life, Clare. You're so smart, you have so many opportunities, please don't..."
Clare put her hands up to make him stop. "Eli, this isn't a debate. This is my decision and I'm giving you an out. So please, take it if you want to and get out of my house."
"Clare..."
"Leave, Eli." Clare stepped back, giving him an opportunity to go to the door. "Please."
He falters, stumbling on words he tries to say, but leaves without saying anything else. The sound of the door closing behind him, of the car driving off, seems to hang in the air in his wake. Clare drops down to the floor, tears pooling in her eyes. Was that the end of their relationship? Was that the real end, or would there be an official break up later? Why couldn't he understand?
After some time passes, Clare hears the front door open. "Clare? Sweetheart? We're home." Her mother calls into the house, making Clare's head turn toward the front of the house. She stands up and wipes her eyes on her sleeve, preparing for the conversation.
"In the living room, mom." Clare calls back, doing her best to add a pleasant and happy tone to her voice. Both her parents appear in the entryway to the living room at the same time, both dressed for the fancy luncheon they just came back from. Clare smiles and goes to them, "Hi Daddy, Mom." she kisses each of their cheeks giving them both a quick hug before stepping back.
"Hello Clare, how was your day with Adam?" her father asks, hanging his coat on the sidearm of the chair.
"Great." she replies, taking a seat down on the far end of the couch.
"Wasn't that Elijah's car we saw driving off?" her mother asks, taking a seat next to Clare on the couch.
"Yeah. He picked Adam up. They're going to the comic book store or something." Clare fibbed. Clare then notices that her father hasn't moved to sit down, his eyes are focused on something. The test! The pregnancy test is still on the table. Clare almost reaches for it before her father speaks.
"Clare, what is this?" he asks, gesturing to the test. Her mother grabs the test and turns it over in her hands.
"Well, uh, daddy..." Clare trails off.
Clare's mother clears her throat. When she speaks she sounds slightly disgusted, "Randall tell me this isn't what I think this is! It's a pregnancy test?"
Both Randall and Helen turn toward Clare and she looks down at her hands before nodding in confirmation. Tears cloud her vision again, and she feels the weight of the couch change with her mother standing up.
"This is a joke right?" Helen asks, continuing on with her accusal of Clare's friends, "Who's test is this? Alli's? Right?" Clare can hear the struggle in her mothers voice as she fights the reality of the situation.
Clare stands up from the couch and looks her parents in the eyes, shaking her head. "No, mom, daddy...I'm sorry. It's mine."
"Helen, what does the test say?" Her father asks, not waiting for Helen to answer him before grabbing the test out of her hands. "Oh dear God...it's..."
"It's positive, yes." Clare replies, her voice still wavering in confidence.
"Clare Diana Edwards what have you done?" Helen speaks, fuming with anger as she waves her arms.
"It's his fault. That stupid boy. The one who used to drive a hearse, isn't it? That...boyfriend of yours. I told you Helen, she's too young to be in a relationship. Look at what your daughter has done to herself! To this family!" Randall's words burn with a fire, a deathly fire for Eli.
"God Dad! It wasn't his fault! It was mutual." Clare exclaims.
"Adoption! That's what we'll do." Helen proclaims suddenly like she's discovered the cure for their current situation. If it were that simple. Helen walks over and puts her hands on Clare's shoulders, "It's the right choice, baby. You're too young to raise a child. You're just a child yourself. My baby."
Clare takes a step back from her mother's embrace. "No mom, this is my baby and I'll raise it. My child is not going to be living with some other family. This baby will stay with me. It's where he or she belongs!"
"Clare, listen to your mother. You're awfully young to be pregnant, and much too young to raise a child on your own. Think about your future." Randall explains.
"No, I can't do that. To me adoption is just as much of an option as abortion is. I can't give up this baby...just like I can't terminate the pregnancy." Clare defiantly holds her ground against her parents wishes, like she's barely done in her life. Her hands cover her stomach to protect the unborn child from the anger of her parents. Clare looks between her parents, both with such different looks on their faces. Helen looks sad, defeated as she realizes how determined Clare is. Randall on the other hand looks determined, like he won't be losing this battle.
"Clare Diana Edwards! You are my daughter and as long as you live under my roof you will abide by my rules! I forbid this." Randall shouts, throwing the pregnancy test to the ground.
"Dad, how could you be so harsh?"
"This never would have happened if you were like your sister." Randall mutters, shaking his head.
"Comparing me to Darcy? Like she's this perfect child, right? Newsflash, she's not perfect. It's just like you to compare us when I do something you deem wrong." Clare shouts back, enraged that she has to deal with comparisons to her older sister. They were nothing alike, never were. Why couldn't her father seem to separate them?
"She didn't go and get herself pregnant now did she?"
"She ran off to Africa, and it's not like we've seen her these past two years!"
"That doesn't matter." Helen steps in, looking at her daughter and husband. "You're not Darcy. We know that. But this is still a big responsibility."
"I know it is mom, but this is my child. I have to do this. Don't you understand?" Clare asks, taking her moms hands in hopes that the woman who raised her would understand her desire to raise her own child, despite the obstacles she might encounter.
Randall clears his throat to gain their attention. "Clare, are you really set on keeping and raising this child on your own?"
"Yes, Dad, I am. I'm glad you finally see that."
"Oh, I see that it's come to this." Randall turns to the key rings in the bowl by the coffee table and takes out Clare's set of keys toying with them in his hand.
"Randall?" Helen asks, confusion in her voice.
"Daddy?" Clare asks at the same time.
"Clare if you want to raise this baby then you will." Randall admits, looking down.
"Randall! What are you saying?" Helen exclaims, turning to her husband.
"Thank you, Dad. Thank you for understanding." Clare sighs, relieved.
"I wasn't finished!" Randall exclaims, looking up from the keys in his hand. He tucks them into his pocket as he continues. "Clare you can raise this child, but you won't be doing it in this house."
"Dad?"
"If you want to keep this baby then you're no longer a member of this family."
"Randall, you can't be serious!"
"Oh I'm serious, Helen. Do you want her to actually raise this child?" Randall asks, rolling his eyes.
"Well, no...but kicking her out?" Helen bites her lip, looking torn between what Randall is saying and her own beliefs but she doesn't say anything else in the moment.
"No buts about this Helen. End of discussion. Clare is carrying a child, one that I did not plan on her having nor do I want her to have. She can't keep living in this delusion that this is the right choice. But if she wants to, then she won't be doing it under my roof! She's not a part of this family if she keeps this child!"
"But Randall...she's our baby!" Helen protests.
"Mom, it's alright." Clare says softly, turning to her father. "I accept."
Randall looks relieved, "Accept the fact that you need to give this child of yours up for adoption?"
Clare shakes her head, "No, I accept that neither of you want to be associated with a pregnant teenager. So, I'll move out."
Helen puts her hand on Clare's arm. "Clare please rethink this. Your father just said that in the heat of the moment, he doesn't mean those things!"
Clare takes in a deep breath before explaining her thoughts to her mother. "Mom, I love you. Both of you, but I know how you feel about my situation so I'll move out. Just let me gather some of my things and I'll be on my own."
"But, Clare..." Helen pleads.
"No, mom. It's fine." she says, turning to go up the staircase.
"Where will you go?" Randall asks, shock ringing through his words.
"Does it matter?" Clare asks, walking up the stairs and going into her room. She gathers her things into some bags. The most important things, school books and her laptop, photographs that she loves, and books she can't live without. Clothes too. She does her best not to let the sentimental thoughts take over her mind because she wants to get out of the house as soon as she can, not wanting to be in a place where no one wants what she wants-and doesn't care to understand her way of thinking.
When Clare leaves she takes her bags and begins walking, thinking of a destination she can go as she walks. Peter was still in town, she could go there. Maybe Mr. Simpson and his wife would let her stay there for a night or two. Finally, Clare comes to the conclusion that she'll go to Adam's. It's the safest place that comes to her mind and Clare knows that Adam is the one person who will listen to her and hear what she's saying without his own perceptions taking over the conversation.
Arriving at the Torres house, Clare rings the doorbell and waits for someone to answer the door. She hopes that person will be Adam because she isn't sure what she might say if Audra opens the door and sees her with all of her baggage and she doesn't really know how Drew might react.
Thankfully Adam's the one who opens the door and looks only a little perplexed that Clare's at his door. "Hey Clare! What's up?"
Awkwardly, Clare shifts on her feet as she talks. "Could I maybe stay here? My parents...didn't take the news so well and my dad said I needed to move out."
Adam takes Clare's arm and brings her into the house, pulling her into a hug right away. Clare relaxes into the hug, it was just what she needed after the talk with Eli and her parents.
"Adam, who was at the door?" Audra's voice echoes as she walks out of the kitchen, wiping her hands on a dish towel. She smiles when she sees Clare. "Hello, Clare. Well this is a surprise! It's nice to see you."
"Hey Mrs. Torres." Clare replies with a smile.
"Mom, Clare needs a place to stay. Her parents kind of kicked her out." Adam says, getting right to the point as he turns to look at his mom.
"I thought KC told me you used to be called Saint Clare, what could you possibly do to get kicked out?" Drew asks from the top of the staircase.
"I...I'm pregnant."
"Holy shit!" Drew exclaims, racing down the stairs.
Audra holds up her arm to stop him from talking, "Language, Andrew." Next Audra takes Clare's hands and pulls her into a quick hug which causes both Drew and Adam to exclaim in their confusion. "I know this can be difficult."
"You do?" Clare asks, turning to look at Adam and Drew who look just as confused as she does.
"Yes." Audra's eyes seem to glaze over as she answers Clare, like she knows more than her answer she said. A sigh passes from her lips, her hands are resting on Clare's shoulders now as she nods her head. "I know I may seem all put together, but I was a bit young and reckless when I was your age until I got some help and pulled my own act together."
"So does that mean Clare can stay?" Adam asks, taking Clare's hand in his with a big hopeful smile on his face.
Audra nods, "Of course. The guest room has fresh sheets in there. Adam will show you, and you can unpack your things. I expect you to follow the rules of this house, which the boys can tell you about. Chores to be done, homework and tv rules as well as curfew." Audra says, but then her face softens and she puts her hand on Clare's shoulder. "And know that you're welcome to talk to me about anything you need to talk about, I'm here for you."
Clare's lip quavers with emotion as she smiles, "Thanks Mrs. Torres."
Although this day wasn't anything like Clare expected, she was more than happy to end the emotional rollercoaster of the day being led up the stairs by Adam and Drew to unpack in the guest room. She felt safe for the first time today. Like she'd possibly made the right choice. If anything, it was nice knowing that she had people like Audra and Adam, and even Drew, by her side.
AN: Hopefully this didn't disappoint! I've got like ten chapters left of the previous story to go through, plus new chapters! I promise I'll have a better schedule of updating soon. I'm also debating on changing this story to first person too. Hopefully you're liking this story so far! Don't forget to review! If you have any suggestions for this story or anything I'd to see them in the comments! Thanks for reading. :)