A/N: I have added some trigger warnings in below in my end notes, so please scroll to check those out if you need to (I'm being a little over cautious, I admit).

Also, I heard this song the other day and got big ole Shady/Adrien vibes from it. Before reading this chapter feels like the perfect time to listen, so if you feel like it, look up the cover of Falling Slowly by Cristina Vee (Marinette's English voice actress).

The first scene in this is a bonus scene from the last chapter, showing what happened between Marinette and Shady. I didn't originally have it written, but after receiving a few comments, I realized people might be interested to see what happened.

Now, I love me some angst. I hope you do too. What's a happy ending without it? On to the angst!

BONUS SCENE: Behind Closed Doors

As soon as she closed the door, Marinette whirled on Shadybug. "What are you doing?"

The other version of herself raised an eyebrow from where she stood in the middle of the room, arms crossed. "Why, I'm talking to you, Red."

Marinette's expression turned frosty. "I mean with Adrien. He isn't someone you can just play with. He doesn't deserve that. You don't know what he's been through–"

Shadybug interrupted her, eyes flashing with sudden anger. "I know exactly what he's been through, because he's told me all about it. I know just how fucking useless you all have been as friends for him, never attempting to get around the rules his poor excuse for a father put in place and leaving him to spend most of his time alone. Not that he would ever say it, or even think it. But you can bet I for damn sure will." Guilt wiggled its way through Marinette's veins, but Shady wasn't finished. "And I'm not playing with him. I know it might be difficult for you to believe, but I actually care about him. First time in a long time I've truly cared about anyone."

Marinette could see it then, something shining through beneath the anger Shady directed at her. A hint of something wild, almost frightened.

It was enough to turn Marinette in another direction, her tone softening. "You do, don't you?" When Shadybug didn't reply, Marinette continued. "What about when you have to return home?"

Just like that, the emotion in Shady's expression disappeared behind a cool wall. "This is not a long term thing. We both understand that. Doesn't mean I'm going to stop being with him as long as he wants me here."

Marinette went silent, watching the other woman carefully. "Alright," she said, finally. "But you need to be careful, do you hear me?" The fact that Marinette no longer had a crush on Adrien didn't mean she didn't feel protective over him, and needed to make sure Shadybug understood. "Or you leaving might be the hardest thing he'll have to deal with. And I don't want him to go through that. Don't think I'd let you get away so easily if you do hurt him."

Instead of arguing, Shady met her gaze grimly. "I know. I'll do my best to find the least hurtful way to do it."

Strangely, Marinette believed her. Odd that the thing they were in the most agreement over would be the wellbeing of Adrien Agreste. She nodded, and turned to walk out the door.

Chapter 10: Help Me Understand

To Adrien's surprise, Shadybug began staying with him every night, no longer returning to her room until the mornings. He was incredibly pleased by the development, though it seemed to come at a cost that appeared in other forms.

He noticed she had trouble sleeping, often waking violently, disoriented. Adrien was glad his presence seemed to help her settle back down. She clung to him in the nights in a way unlike her behavior towards him in the daytime.

She remained tight-lipped about her past, insisting that she wanted to live in the present. Adrien respected the wish, though he hoped to gain her trust so she could confide in him when she was ready.

Adrien started taking classes at a nearby University, choosing a variety of courses that sounded vaguely interesting to him. Time spent hanging out with his other friends as a group decreased as everyone grew busier. He spent more time away during the day due to the classes, and though Shady said she didn't mind the extra time spent exploring the city on her own, her moods seemed to shift more abruptly than before, her irritation with things bubbling up at random moments.

Adrien began to wonder if staying with him, someone that she had to constantly hide her identity from, was stifling her. When he suggested that maybe she would feel a little freer if she stayed elsewhere, however, she vehemently disagreed, a nearly desperate edge to her protest. He assured her he wasn't trying to kick her out and that she had a home there as long as she wanted.

As time passed, however, it became clearer that he was very much out of his depth when it came to finding ways to help her through whatever she was going through. She seemed more exhausted and on edge as the weeks passed, some days spending more time patrolling with him as Chat Noir than with Adrien.

She was no less enthusiastic with him when they were together, however. There was a hint of desperation to their nights, as though they both could feel the time slipping away from them, racing towards their inevitable separation.

He considered that perhaps he was simply projecting his own feelings, recognizing that he didn't truly know what she felt about him or their unique situation.

In an attempt to help, Adrien brought up the possibility of Shay seeking some advice from a therapist, as he wondered if living in a world not her own was finally taking its toll.

She'd scoffed at the suggestion. "I don't need to talk to anyone, Blondie. I'm fine. Don't worry about me."

An impossible request, of course, when the woman he loved seemed to be struggling, and he could do nothing about it.

Everything came to a head at the end of an akuma attack one afternoon.

It had been a particularly grueling one despite taking the form of a simple ice cream cone, keeping the three of them at it for several hours before they finally cleansed the akuma.

"Pound it!"

Ladybug swung away, but Chat Noir hung back with Shadybug, having noticed that something had been off with her through the long fight, more so than usual.

Wanting to make sure the cure had done its job, Chat snagged Shady's arm before she could leave. "You good now, Shade?"

She shook his hand off with a glare. "What do you mean? Of course I am."

"Seemed like you were dragging during the fight. Thought I might have to scoop in and save you a few times there." He kept his tone light, but noticed that she still didn't seem steady on her feet.

"I'm fine, Whiskers. I–" Cutting off as she swayed, Shady's hand lifted to rest against her head.

Then she dropped to the ground.

Chat Noir cursed as he darted forward, catching her just before she hit the pavement. "Shadybug," he said frantically, cradling her in his arms. She groaned and shifted slightly, only to stop moving as her head lolled to the side, away from him. "Shady!"

She didn't respond.

Realizing she had somehow passed out, Chat Noir stood, lifting her up as he panicked.

Why had she fainted? She was transformed; her suit should have protected her from nearly everything. Was she somehow sick beneath the suit, and that was pushing through?

He knew she'd been more tired recently, though he'd assumed it was related to the stress he'd thought she was keeping from him.

A flash of black and red startled him, and suddenly the weight of her in his arms noticeably lightened. When the mist cleared, Chat realized with a jolt that she had transformed back into her civilian self.

Sucking in a breath, Chat took in the form lying still in his arms. Dark hair streaked with faded red lay in a tangled mess, hiding her face due to the angle at which it hung. Wrinkled and slightly baggy clothing bunched beneath his fingers, though it was what lay beneath that shocked him the most.

She was far too light in his arms.

With the super-strength given to him by his miraculous, it had always been easy to lift and carry people of all sizes, but it felt as though he were holding a child, not a 22-year old woman. She felt brittle beneath his hands, sharp angles where there should have been soft skin. As he adjusted her in his arms, her hair shifted, revealing a gaunt face, pale with streaks of thick black eye makeup running down her cheeks.

He didn't recognize her.

A small red figure appeared, landing on the unknown woman's shirt in clear exhaustion. Chat zeroed in on the Kwami, desperate for answers. "What's wrong with her, Tikki?"

The Kwami rolled over to look at her holder. "She needs to go to the hospital, Chat Noir. Take her quickly, before she wakes back up."

Worry slicing through his veins, Chat took off at a run, trying to keep the Kwami from falling. As he ran, he continued asking questions, mind racing. "Was it an akuma?"

"No," came the small figure's sad voice. "No, she's been like this for a long time. She's actually gotten better since we arrived here. But not by much. She doesn't spend enough time detransformed to give her body the proper nutrition and medical care she needs."

He struggled to control his breathing as it sank in. "I never noticed…I had no idea…" He thought she had been keeping her identity a secret, removing her transformation during the times they didn't spend together.

He realized with a pang that it wasn't quite true that he didn't have a clue; she'd given him lots of them, in fact. He'd known she hadn't had an easy civilian life. He'd gotten plenty of hints that she didn't hold herself in high esteem, despite the outward attitude she put up as Shadybug. But he had no idea it had been this bad.

Had no idea that eating while transformed didn't actually do anything for you.

Guilt rushed in, a wave so large he nearly went under. Adrien had thought he'd been helping her through some of her struggles. He'd thought he'd been making progress – at least, up until the past several weeks.

Clearly, he hadn't had the slightest understanding of the reality of her situation.

He wanted so badly to hide her away, to get her to talk to him, to allow him to understand so he could help her.

Adrien acknowledged that the help she truly needed he probably couldn't provide. Tightening his hands around her, he wanted nothing more than to protect her from everything trying to hurt her.

Including herself.

"Why did she pass out? Aren't you supposed to protect her in the suit?" His question came out slightly harsh, his fear coming out and latching upon the closest thing.

Tikki's voice was soft. "I'm trying. My attention is split right now while she's transformed."

Split between what? He didn't understand, but ran out of time to question her further as he landed in front of the hospital. Tikki hid herself as he rushed inside and explained to the nurses that he'd found her passed out. They took her from him and placed her on a wheeled bed, but stopped him when he tried to follow, apologizing while explaining about patient privacy.

Antsy, Chat Noir left, finding a spot up high where he could watch the entrances and wait for her to reappear.

Shadybug opened her eyes to find herself in an unfamiliar place, surrounded by people she didn't know.

Confusion slowed her thinking as she blinked and squinted at the light. Someone came up to her side. "Mademoiselle, can you hear me? My name is Dr. Dumont. You're safe, and we have you hooked up to an IV."

She felt like she was swimming through sludge as she tried to get her brain back in gear.

What had happened?

She didn't comprehend anything else the doctor said, only catching phrases like "severe dehydration" and "malnutrition" as she came to full awareness. The familiar aches and clawing pain of hunger in her stomach grew as she became more awake.

She was in a hospital, she finally realized with a jolt of panic. She couldn't be here — couldn't detransform and let anyone know she was…

A glance down at her arm revealed an IV needle taped to her wrist. A wrist that was not covered by her suit.

Her heart began to race as she realized she wasn't transformed.

No, she thought desperately. No one could see her like this.

Shady began to struggle in the bed as she tried to sit up, but her whole body felt like it was full of lead.

The voice of the doctor interrupted her panicked thoughts. "Try to relax; you're probably disoriented. Can tell me your name?" The soothing voice did nothing for her nerves, though she did stop moving.

How long had she been like this? The only reason she'd been able to stave off the effects of her lack of care for her regular self had been because she always transformed again quickly.

"Tikki," she croaked out, trying to call up her transformation phrase.

The doctor interrupted her before she could finish. "Tikki? That's a lovely name. Do you have anyone we can call for you? Or do you feel unsafe with someone at home?"

Shady didn't answer, lethargy falling over her like a warm blanket. The doctor asked some more questions, permission to do something she didn't catch. She found herself agreeing without having any idea what was asked, and then she fell asleep.

Shady must not have slept for very long, for when she woke up the sun was only just starting to sink to the horizon. She felt surprisingly better than she had in a long time while untransformed, though it still felt as though her head had been hit by a train due to her headache, plus the dizziness she had grown accustomed to ignoring in the recent weeks was back.

"Hello, Tikki. Good to see you awake."

Shady ignored the voice; she had to get out of here.

She tried to swing her legs over the side of the bed, but a rail got in her way. She pawed at the needles sticking in her wrist, trying to rip them out.

The voice interrupted her. "Hold on there, you aren't quite ready to walk around just yet."

"I need to leave," she croaked out, despising how weak she felt in this form.

"That's not a good idea right now, Tikki. You've got a long road to recovery, and you need to keep the IV in for now. It's providing some much needed nutrients and hydration, both for you and the baby."

Shadybug's hands froze in their attempts to remove the wires. "What?" she demanded, certain she had not heard correctly.

"This IV is giving you a saline solution containing some electrolytes and glucose, which your body needs right now. Your baby needs it as well, although the little one is actually doing quite well. Better than you are faring, considering the circumstances."

"What baby?" Her voice was as harsh as her irritation was with the incompetent nurses and doctors. Obviously, there was no fucking baby in the room with her.

The nurse's eyes widened before a concerned understanding fell into place. "Oh, honey, you didn't know? You're pregnant, perhaps 12 weeks along or so, depending on some dates we can get from you. I'm so sorry, they said you approved the ultrasound, so I assumed you already knew."

Denial rose up within her. She slowly shook her head. "No, you must be wrong."

The nurse turned around, taking something from a file on the desk beside her. She gently placed the paper in Shady's hands.

With a feeling of dread, her eyes dropped to the page, displaying a sonogram photo of a baby, clear as day.

Everything within Shadybug went numb as she stared at the picture, her eyes glazing.

No, she couldn't be pregnant.

She couldn't have messed everything up so thoroughly.

She'd already been struggling with the unknown trajectory of her life over the past several weeks, and this sudden predicament had both upped the stakes and drastically reduced her options all at once.

Looking back up at the nurse, she asked in a dull voice, "Can I get rid of it?"

A pained expression crossed the woman's face. "I'm sorry, but legally you're beyond that point." She moved closer, voice comforting as she began to explain more facts to her, though Shady tuned the words out as she stared at nothing. Eventually, the nurse must have realized what she was saying wasn't getting through. "It seems like you are going through a lot of difficult things right now. Let me find our counselor; she's a lovely woman and has helped a lot of patients going through a hard time. I'll be right back."

Shadybug tried to tamp down the emotions threatening to overwhelm her, shoving everything into the little box in her head, as she always did.

She had to leave, now.

As soon as the door closed, she sat up fully, looking around the room. Spotting her clothes, she did her best to put them on around the IV line and heartbeat monitor before she ripped the needle out, wincing at the pain as the tape bit at her skin.

Fuck, why did that hurt so much?

The machines began beeping when she unhooked the monitor from her finger. Finally, she wadded up the sonogram, stuffing it in her pocket.

"Tikki, spots on!"

Her strength returned in a rush, and she took a moment to breathe in deeply in relief. Then she went to the window, popping the locks as she forced it open.

She took off.

Chat paced back and forth, trying to keep his attention on the hospital. Shay had been inside for over two hours, and he was struggling not to go in and find her.

He couldn't afford to miss her leaving, afraid that she would disappear knowing someone had seen her true condition. He was forced to stay in place as he slowly drove himself crazy, working through in his head all the options of talking it out with her.

Finally, he saw her leaving, darting out a side window and leaping into the air. Chat lurched into motion, jumping off the roof and following her.

At first, he didn't think she noticed him, as she moved determinedly but not speedily. When his baton made a clanging noise against one of its footholds, she twisted her head in the air, catching sight of him. She sped up for a minute, but when he didn't let up she landed suddenly, turning as he hit the roof behind her.

"Get off my tail, you mangy cat!" Her expression startled him; he'd been expecting exhaustion and annoyance, but instead she looked…rattled. Her irises were always red, but now a more natural redness had crept into the whites of her eyes as well.

"No, Shady. I want to know what's going on and what I can do. You freaked me out back there, fainting in the middle of the road still transformed."

"Nothing's wrong," she bit out. "I'm a ray of fucking sunshine like normal."

Frustrated, he took a step closer to her. "You and I both know that isn't true. Your transformation fell away after you passed out. I saw you. You haven't been eating or taking care of yourself."

Her anger seemed to multiply, a touch of fear piercing through. "Yeah? So what? I do my job just fine. It doesn't matter what I am under the mask."

"Of course it matters! Forget the fact that you fainted in the suit, do you really think Ladybug or I wouldn't do our best to help you, if we knew what was going on?"

Her fists clenched. "Why do you even care so much? I'm not–"

"Because you're my friend, damn it!"

"I don't have any friends!" The wildness in her voice echoed loudly around them, her chest rising and falling as she took heaving breaths.

After a moment of silence, her head dropped into her hands, a curse wrapped in a sob escaping from her.

Chat walked quickly over to her, avoiding the venting in the roof as he placed his hand on her back. She shoved away from him, wiping her tears away angrily. "I can't do this. I don't belong anywhere. I can't go back and take on the Supreme myself. Can't return to my old life after you all have infected me with your ideals and shit. The Supreme will just have me killed. But I can't stay here, where I keep fucking everything up."

"That's not true, Shady. You do belong here, and you could stay if you wanted."

She took a step back, shaking her head. "I'm not good enough to be a hero. My civilian side is useless, as you now know."

"You aren't useless, we can help—"

"And now…now I've gone and dragged him further into my bullshit." Her breathing sped up as panic flared across her face. "I already resigned myself to selfishly taking away a few months of his life, but there was an end date so he wouldn't have to deal with all my fucking baggage, but now…it could take over his whole life and I can't…I won't…"

Mind racing as he tried to piece together her thoughts, Chat interrupted her. "Wait, are you…are you talking about Adrien? You aren't selfish, I'm sure he would also want to—"

"You don't understand—"

"So help me understand!" Chat pleaded.

Her eyes wild and panicked, Shady's answer came out in a hiss. "I'm pregnant!"

Chat sucked in a harsh breath, taking a step back in shock before tripping over the roof hazard behind him and falling to the ground.

His eyes didn't leave hers as he stared up from the roof. "What?" he asked, dazed but not from the fall.

She was… oh god, she was pregnant? He tried to piece together her earlier words with this new information, but everything was moving slowly in his head as he reeled from the added shock.

He wasn't quick enough to recover.

Shadybug turned abruptly.

"I can't fucking do this. I'm going back and handing myself over to the Supreme. It's the least hurtful way. Goodbye, Chat Noir." With a toss of her yo-yo, she swung from the roof.

"Shadybug, no!" Fear cut through the mess that was his emotional state as Chat scrambled to get up, only to slip again in his haste. Finally getting his feet under him, he leapt after her. "Shady, stop! We can figure this out! Don't go back, please—"

As panicked as he was, Chat wasn't ready for it when her yo-yo shot back at him, knocking his baton out of position and sending him flying toward the ground. He hit hard, rolling to try and keep his momentum, but he didn't have enough clearance to get around the building he'd fallen in front of.

By the time he maneuvered around it, she was gone.

He didn't give up, vaulting between buildings as quickly as his thoughts did in his head.

She couldn't go back. She'd said the Supreme would kill her regardless of whether she returned to her previous life of crime. "No, no, NO!" he shouted, desperate to find her trail. "Shadybug! SHAY!"

He didn't find her.

After an hour of searching, Chat Noir collapsed to his hands and knees on a roof, breathing hard as he spiraled into an anxiety attack of his own.

Shadybug was out there, giving up on herself, on him.

She was not only struggling beneath the mask; she was also pregnant. Pregnant with his child; he had no reason to doubt he was the father, not when he turned over in his mind the fears she'd explained to him. Fears he was desperate to assuage her of. He couldn't do that if she returned to her own dimension.

Which she would do, if she hadn't already.

His fist clenched tightly around nothing. He wasn't getting any closer to finding her on his own. He needed help.

He needed Ladybug.

Shaking, Chat dragged his baton up from the gravel on the roof, sending his partner a message and praying that she would see it quickly.

Relief flowed through him at hearing the chime of her response, agreeing to meet up.

Getting back to his feet, Chat made his way to the regular spot.

He wasted no time when Ladybug landed next to him.

"Ladybug, I need your help. It's Shady."

She raised her eyebrows at him as he started pacing to relieve his anxiety. "What's she done this time?"

"You have to help me find her. She's gone back to her dimension, and–" As he started his explanation, his voice sped up unintelligibly in his panic.

Eventually, Ladybug grabbed him by the shoulders, stopping his pacing. "Chat, stop. You aren't making any sense. Slow down and start from the beginning."

Chat took a few deep breaths to get himself back under control. "Shadybug passed out after the fight today. In the suit."

Concern flared behind Ladybug's eyes. "That shouldn't happen."

"She detransformed while I was holding her, and — my lady, she's not okay. She was so thin. Tikki told me she stays transformed most of the time, not giving herself enough time to eat. Eating while transformed doesn't actually help you — I had no idea."

Ladybug's mouth fell open for a moment. "Neither did I. Oh no…" She trailed off before her eyes widened with apprehension. "Wait, you saw who she was?"

He grimaced. "I did, but I didn't know her. Not sure if she's you or not, but your secret is still safe from me." Her nose scrunched slightly in confusion, but he didn't have time to dive into any of that. "I took her to the hospital and waited for her to come out. When she did…LB, she was freaking out. She talked about not wanting to ruin lives; she didn't think she belonged anywhere. She still doesn't think she has friends here. Then she said she was going back to her dimension."

He felt the panic rising once again, though Ladybug continued to stare at him in confusion. "That's awful that she's struggling and wanting to go back, but I don't understand; we knew she would go back eventually, so why are you so–"

"She's pregnant," he blurted out. "She just told me that she's pregnant, LB. She's going to go back and hand herself over to the Supreme. He'll kill her; she can't–" he cut off with a choked noise, blocking his mouth with his forearm to try and keep in control.

It wasn't working.

He turned back to her, pleading. "She thinks she's going to ruin my life, and she just left. I have to find her to tell her she's wrong; please, my lady, I need your help. I've tried, and I failed – I failed her, and–" He broke down then, the sobs hitting him in full force.

Wide-eyed, Ladybug slid her arms around him, holding him up as he fell apart. Two words left her mouth in a soft acknowledgement. "Oh, Adrien." He shook harder for a moment, realizing belatedly that he'd somehow outed his identity in his desperation for her to understand. She held him tightly before letting him go, gripping his shoulders with her hands. "Chaton, look at me." He did, trying to pull himself together. "You didn't fail her. You didn't know. No one did. You can't take that on yourself. Listen to me: I will figure something out. I will go and find her, in her own universe if I need to."

He straightened, wiping away the useless tears. "Alright, let's go."

Ladybug shook her head at him sternly. "No, Adrien. I'm doing this alone. I need you to go home, get some rest. When I find her, she's going to need you to talk some sense into her. I need you ready for that, do you understand?"

Adrien wanted to argue with her, but her tone was firm. Plus, he trusted his partner more than anyone in the world. If anyone could find and help bring back Shadybug, it was her.

He nodded.

She released him. "I'll let you know what I find out. Go home. Rest."

Ladybug left, Chat Noir not far behind as he headed for his apartment.

He couldn't rest, but he did think and plan as he paced around his living room, waiting.

Waiting.

Waiting.

Some time had passed when he transformed yet again to check his messages. Hope filled him at the sound of one finally arriving from Ladybug.

I found something that might help.

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TRIGGER WARNINGS: Malnutrition description, mention of abortion (doesn't happen though). Please do not take anything as medically accurate in this chapter. I did my best but I'm sure things are inaccurate (especially since we're dealing with magical interference). I also fudged the legal deadline for abortion in France for this (I believe it is actually 14 weeks).

A/N: And so, the reveals have begun. I would love to know what you thought!