Chat Noir was just fun.
So. Much. Fun.
Gone was the angst of a love that couldn't be, that had so much build-up and tension and really would just inevitably fail…
Instead, she finally had something that made her feel free and wonderful and seen…
God, she was in such a good mood these days.
Every night he'd come by, she'd either invite him in or just not even be able to wait, because they'd be on the rooftop balcony and she'd already be in his arms, her legs wrapped around his waist, while she furiously made out with him.
Sometimes he flew her around the city, always being careful that they went somewhere deserted. And always, very quickly, they'd just be making out. Wherever they were.
She loved it when he pressed her against a wall, while holding her back carefully so she never hit it too hard…
His super strength when he held her satisfied some primitive part of her. She wasn't always proud of how good it felt, but dang it still felt good.
It's not like she couldn't call on her own super strength in most aspects of her life…!
But it just felt nice to settle into and enjoy his…
Maybe whatever connected them or let him feel so familiar to her also freed her up. Like, once she stopped judging herself in one circumstance, she kinda stopped judging herself altogether. Not around him, anyways.
She was enjoying him instead.
And enjoying how he made her feel.
All she wanted to do was kiss him so that's all she did! Pure and simple!
And when she wanted to try something new with him, she didn't doubt or question her desire to do so. She barely hesitated at all.
Which is why, one night, when she was curious about something—
"Have you…" she said, "…played Super Penguino before?"
He blushed, which immediately made her care very little about the answer. He was just so cute, regardless of what the answer was.
"Once," he admitted.
She smiled, thinking that was good to know.
"You?" he asked.
"Once, as well," she nodded.
She knew she was blushing too. She felt the urge to ask more details, maybe even ask who with — and she was willing to bet he was feeling the same urge.
But she fought it, because it didn't matter. They were with each other now, and if she asked his story, she'd have to share her own.
(And since her story involved her remaining in her Ladybug form, she really didn't want to go there.)
(Oh, not to mention, it was with the love of her life whom she still needed to forget…)
"It wasn't that good," she offered up, instead. "We didn't sync up well together in the game, so…"
"Oh?"
"Yeah."
So the pressure's on to do well then.
Chat Noir had to admit to himself that he didn't particularly pay attention to the game when he had played it before. He had been pretty preoccupied, what with Ladybug being in his room…
He wouldn't repeat that mistake with Marinette.
Marinette was a winner, he knew that. That's the very reason he gave up his spot for her to play in the Paris Ultimate Mecha Strike III Tournament with Max. And of course, she and Max won first place. Of course they did!
So in regards to Super Penguino, he would do better for Marinette. She deserved nothing but his best, afterall.
Marinette told him to wait a second on her rooftop balcony while she got her tablet.
She was so excited! With Adrien, she had been too nervous to do anything but sit awkwardly beside him while playing. No way that seating arrangement gave the best tactical advantage. They were both stretched too thin and didn't have as good a view of the screen. She had thought then that it would be better for her to sit on his lap, but she also knew she'd have a whole new set of obstacles to deal with if she suggested that.
With Chat Noir though, she felt brave. He always made her feel brave. So she was really looking forward to playing the game with him.
She fondly remembered when she thought the same thing, even in the middle of playing with Adrien… or losing with Adrien, rather…
'She did not like to lose, it was frustrating. She probably needed a partner that flustered her less, that she knew she worked together with well. Like Chat Noir.'
She was ashamed of those thoughts then, but now? It seemed kinda purrfect.
Everything must work out for a reason, she thought.
Because she really was too happy to feel anything but excitement to play with Cat now.
Tablet in hand, she headed back out onto her rooftop balcony.
"Sit here," she told Cat, pointing to her hammock chair.
He listened and sat, while his ears perked up like he would do anything she said.
That made her giddy… and she would enjoy exploring that to the full extent at some point, just not now…
"I'm going to sit on your lap, at an angle, like this," she said as she demonstrated. "This way, we're both right in front of the screen and more able to synchronize."
"Great," he said, not really hiding his gulp too well.
Tactical. It was tactical.
Chat had to focus on the game. She wasn't just sitting on his lap for fun, it was for a tactical advantage. So, he pushed down many of the thoughts that arose about her — especially about her sitting on his lap — and set his focus on the game.
The game was a platform jumping game where they only advanced if the two of them were in sync, working well together. They had to coordinate how they moved together based on the jumps they needed. The simplest jump only required the two of them to press the same button at the same time. But the most complicated jumps required a coordination where one was responsible for the leap and the other was responsible for timing the movement at just the right interval during the leap.
And just as she had predicted, Chat seemed to know exactly what she needed, when she needed it.
No more sad game over music.
They won!
She wiggled a celebration dance and yelled out, "Yes! I knew we'd be great together!" One glance behind her at Chat Noir and she saw the best smile from him. He seemed really happy to have made her proud.
So, she twisted around to kiss him in congratulations.
To say Chat Noir then left her speechless would be quite the understatement…
She was in his arms, but also in another world.
Once she felt her own bed and realized he was wrapping the covers around her, her heart widened for him even more. She didn't think, she just knew she didn't want him to leave yet.
So, when he turned away, she grabbed his belt tail to keep him there.
"Come here kitty," she said sleepily. At that, his heart swelled.
He could probably … he could stay a little while! Right?
As he laid down though, she immediately nestled into him. His heart literally crumbled around her.
He thought he'd stay awake, that it'd be just a moment…. But before he knew it, the total comfort with her lulled him into the best sleep he had ever had in his life.
"Marinette, Marinette…"
His whispers woke her. Barely.
"I'm sorry, I just…. It's morning. And I don't want to run out, but…"
She curled her arms around him tighter. He didn't need to go just yet. It was clearly still very early in the morning.
"Stay," she muttered.
Chat Noir relaxed against her grip a moment. She thought he would, just as easy as that. All she needed to do was say Stay. See, he really was like a loyal dog.
But then he tensed against her all over again.
"I… I wish I could tell you why I need to leave. But… if I still can't tell you my identity, then…"
At that, Marinette bolted up. What was she thinking?
"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to—"
"No, it was wonderful, it really was. I just … I do really have to go."
He started to go, but when he looked back, she hoped for one more kiss.
And clearly he hoped for it too!
Because he doubled back and kissed her again.
Any worry or fear was gone. She smiled as he jumped through her hatch and curled back in her bed — she could still feel his presence.
Her body did anyways.
Her mind … her mind was confused, to say the least.
But it was still early, people were still sleeping. Her mind didn't need to have an opinion yet. She just wanted to feel the haze he left her. The warmth, the peace.
The knowing without knowing.
She could still curl up in the magic he left her.
Chat Noir rushed home, worried he'd come home to panic. He landed in his room and listened. Was it all just quiet? Any worry from someone who tried to say good night just to learn Adrien wasn't here?
He didn't hear anything… so it seemed safe to detransform.
He did, then immediately curled up in bed, finding he really did like Marinette's much better.
Plagg didn't seem to agree.
"Finally," he said as he stretched his arms out in a mock yawn and found his cheese stash.
Adrien smiled and then tried to grab a little extra sleep.
"Finally," Adrien muttered to himself too.
Finally.
There was something deep and real he knew now. Something magical.
He was in love with Marinette.
He was wrong when he thought he let go of the love of his life in Ladybug. So wrong.
She had never been the love of his life at all. She had been a crush. A very exciting and thrilling one. A fantasy.
But Marinette… Marinette was home.
He returned to her room, regularly.
She was lost in the blur that was time with him.
Honestly, it fried her brain beyond comprehension.
In an enjoyable way, yes. She finally knew relaxation like never before. But also… it felt wrong to relax.
There was so much to do. So much to decompress about…
Thankfully, she had Alya.
"So wait, what did he do with his—?"
"That's not… what am I doing?"
"Having an inhuman amount of fun, it sounds like…"
"I… it's unmatched though. I can't really… reciprocate..."
"So what? He doesn't seem to mind."
"But I can't… that's not… this can't work, it can't continue, it's not… it's not sustainable!"
"Not for a relationship, no. Are you and Chat Noir in a relationship?"
Marinette paused.
For Marinette, it had been a few weeks with Chat Noir by then. A few weeks of twirls and caresses and kisses. They hadn't really agreed to a label of any kind, but it was probably because a secret relationship just seemed to contradict the nature of a label. A label announced that they were with someone, off the market, and happy.
Both of them felt this way, 100%, but neither really knew how to communicate that with the other. Not without undercutting their own need for secrecy.
Lucky for them, they were of a similar mind. They were both loyal and compassionate and trusted each other. So label or not, they were committed, yeah.
Yet… when it's never explicitly talked about… what was the honest response to Alya's question?
"Look, I encouraged this because I wanted to see you get out of your head. And wow, did it work! Dayum! For a bit, at least. I don't think I quite expected it to be this successful."
Marinette nodded thinking of the last night she saw him…
"Do we honestly have to stop talking about how he—"
"Alya!"
"— Fine! Of course, fine. It's just — things can change. It's okay. It's okay to enjoy your feelings until something becomes clear and unavoidable to you. If there's a point where you realize you want something with him you can't have, I'm sure it'll be hard to let go, but you can do it. And all with no harm to your crime fighting duo dynamic! He'll go on with Ladybug and be none the wiser!"
"Uh huh. Right…."
Marinette felt her eye involuntarily twitch and Alya seemed to read her mind.
"We just need to worry about you being weird with him after."
Marinette nodded. "Yeah."
"Marinette," Alya said, lowering her voice and softening. "Do you love him?"
And that really summed up the problem. This is where her experience was starting to transform.
Because how could she?
She felt all this love, yes.
But it was a fantasy.
As long as there was a quantum mask between them, she couldn't answer yes, honestly, no matter what her body thought to be true.
So, no it wasn't going to last.
"Alya…"
"Yeah?"
"Do you think…? I'll admit it has felt good to be impulsive, to allow myself to just act on my feelings here and there. But. I can never date Adrien, not after dating him as Ladybug. I lost him to her. And… what if the same is true for Chat Noir now? Maybe… maybe we could've worked. As LadyNoir. Maybe a relationship where we were both masked, so both matched… maybe that would've worked and only made us stronger as a team. But now I've gone and thrown that chance away too. I've lost Chat Noir to Marinette. It's like I can't get anything right."
"Don't do that."
"What?"
"Your romanticizing alternate choices that don't exist. You're berating yourself for the choice you did make by idealizing the one you didn't. But think through it more. Ladybug and Chat Noir? Would that really work as well as you're saying? Come on, the pressure to detransform to get closer would be so much more extreme. You're forgetting that because you want to be harder on yourself, you want to invalidate yourself and the situation you're in. Don't do that."
Marinette listened and nodded.
"I love the decisions you've made. Would Ladybug have had half the experience you've now had with Chat Noir?"
Marinette bit her lip and smiled.
"Well, she'd have been able to have her own fun…. But no. No, definitely not."
"There's the smile I'm getting at. You can enjoy what you've got Marinette. You were vulnerable and rewarded handsomely for it. That's a wonderful narrative to stick with."
Marinette would do her best. She knew the novelty was wearing off. That what they had right now would definitely not last.
This meant she would have to end things.
But she didn't need to go end things right that second.
When she was ready to let go, she would.
And who knows when that would be.
Chat Noir had never been more certain of anything in his life. And it was time to share it.
They'd been together for weeks now. He had enjoyed his nights with her so thoroughly — enjoyed how much he could make her enjoy them too.
Chat Noir really was such an inspiration. It was Chat Noir that found real love afterall — not Adrien. Of course, though! Because he could be himself as Chat Noir.
He wrapped up patrol with Ladybug and stopped to get a bouquet of roses.
Then, he practiced what he'd say.
Would he just open right up with it? Just start with, "Marinette, I love you."...?
Should he say "love you" or "in love with you"? Both were definitely true. Which one is more active? Probably "love." Because, yes, he's 100% in love with her, but that implies that he has no control or no effect on what happens. Like he's just swimming in her. Which he is… yes…
Whereas, to love her is an action, a choice.
Yes, he would tell her he loved her. That would be best.
He loved her so much.
He was nervous too.
She always seemed so happy to see him though. So what did he have to be nervous about?
Really, nothing! This was Marinette.
He took a deep breath and then leaped to her roof. He readied the bouquet in his arms and —
Before he could even knock, she opened the hatch door. She was sensitive to the sound of him landing on her balcony then!
She looked at him with the brightest most beautiful eyes! And the biggest smile. She looked at the flowers… her eyes crinkled as her cheeks rose in front of them.
Then she looked up at him and swarmed him in a deep and passionate kiss.
Her taste. Her smell.
His Marinette.
His heart yearned for her and he knew he needed to say it now.
"Marinette, I want to tell you something."
She paused, even looked taken off guard.
"Oh?"
"It's not a bad thing!"
"Okay…"
She didn't seem that relaxed though…
"Oh my God and it's not my identity either. You said you didn't want to know, I'll honor that, I promise."
Then, she relaxed.
"Okay," with an adorable smile too.
All he had to do was look at that smile and the words flowed out of him.
"Marinette, I love you."
Her eyes widened and for a moment, it was everything he thought it would be. Just joy compounded on joy.
But then… he had to wonder if he imagined the joy he saw there or if he saw it only because he wanted to see it.
Because suddenly … there was no joy. Just… more tension. Discomfort even. She actually backed away.
"Marinette?"
And that doubled it.
"I… I… I'm not feeling well, I… I don't want to get you sick, Chat Noir, I just… you know, you need all your health to fight ShadowMoth…"
And then a weird hollow cough.
"It's this tickle in my throat, it always starts there. I… I…"
"Marinette, I wasn't trying to pressure you, I didn't mean to…"
"Pressure me? What, no, never, I don't. I just … I'm just going to make some tea and go to dead. I mean, bed. Bed. Definitely bed."
And then she was gone.
Chat Noir looked down at his roses. Was it too much?
He told her how he felt. He had been wanting to tell her and he finally did. That… that was a good thing, he told himself.
Though, it was hard to see it as a good thing all of a sudden.
He left the roses on her balcony and leaped home.
"Plagg, claws in."
And he just stood there.
"Don't overthink it, I know I don't feel like catching any kind of cold right now. Then I'd have to lay off my cheese. That would be… no. I'd say chasing you away just proves she loves you too."
Adrien gave Plagg a half-hearted smile.
It had been so much easier to confess his love to Ladybug. Perhaps unfairly so, since she had confessed first — under the influence of an Akuma…
Now, unprompted and just because — he bared his soul.
Well, not really, he realized.
Chat Noir had protections, didn't he? And… Chat Noir… Chat Noir loved her.
But Chat Noir wasn't vulnerable so Chat Noir saying it wasn't really baring his soul at all.
He knew it to be true. He knew he loved her. He knew he wanted to tell her.
And now he has.
Now, he has…
Patrols beside Chat Noir were both impossible and impossibly fun. She got to feel all the lust and all the fun, knowing that after, he'd come to her balcony and deliver on it all.
Patrols ended and she ran back to her home, detransformed and waited.
He took a bit longer than normal today, but that was okay.
"I'm enjoying it while I still can, Tikki."
"That's great, Marinette."
Marinette smiled, giddy at the thought of kissing Chat Noir again. She was certain she might just jump him as soon as he landed on her balcony.
Which he still hadn't….
"Huh, he usually comes to me straight from patrols…"
"You can't know his identity, Marinette, so if he needs to take care of something first, you really just have to accept the unknown."
"Sure…"
That summed up a lot about her time with Chat Noir.
But she really wanted to be in his arms again. To kiss him… to feel him purr… to feel how she could actually purr herself… all of it.
It was time to let her body lead. She would give herself just a little bit more of this joy. Which meant she had to fully enjoy it.
The waiting was driving her a little crazy though.
"Maybe I should … do something…"
Even though all she wanted to do was —
And the thud on her balcony was purr-fectly timed.
She immediately opened up the hatch to greet him. She didn't spend all patrol lusting after him to do anything other than kiss him immediately.
But he had flowers!
Was that why he was late?
She melted.
That was such a good reason to be late!
He was … he was wonderful.
And she wanted him. She swarmed him in a deep and passionate kiss.
It was magnetism. Masked and off-limits, but also right there. Somehow, just right there.
"Marinette, I want to tell you something."
She paused… why did he seem so serious? Was… did he know what she had talked to Alya about? Was he going to say the same thing but first? That'd be okay, she reasoned. Only fair, perhaps.
But she couldn't assume that yet. She didn't know!
She needed to just… be normal.
"Oh?"
That was all she could manage.
"It's not a bad thing!"
"Okay…"
Sure, it's not a bad thing that they had what they had. It's a good thing, sure… and letting go… it had to happen sometime…
"Oh my God and it's not my identity either. You said you didn't want to know, I'll honor that, I promise."
She appreciated that promise. He really was wonderful. Maybe it would be easy to let go. To enjoy what they had and just wish the best for each other.
"Okay," she said, realizing she trusted him more than anything.
He looked so mesmerized by her too. It felt pretty amazing to be the target of his gaze…
"Marinette, I love you."
And hearing it… she realized that's exactly what she saw in his gaze. And for a moment, any thought of letting go or moving on from him ever — nonexistent.
All she had was the realization and certainty that she loved him too. She loved him so much.
Her Chat Noir.
She trusted him more than anyone. He would never let her down. He would never go for her earrings with no explanation.
And with all those thoughts — she realized she was wrong about what she told Alya.
She loved him.
She really loved him.
So much, she actually did want to know all of him —
Which —
No …
She couldn't though. She…
She knew she couldn't.
It was dangerous. Unwise. Not smart at all.
It was a reminder of why this could never be.
Whether she loves him or not.
"Marinette?"
And that loss she heard in his voice…
Oh no…
It came with a vivid memory of Chat Blanc. He looked at her in much the same way.
Not to mention the massive reset from Sass when she planned to get Chat Noir's identity…
Learning who he was was truly dangerous.
She was going to hurt him.
She loved him, yes, but what good was that?
Maybe… maybe that need to end things was right now afterall…
Before it got worse.
Before she hurt him worse.
His face grew more and more concerned as he looked at her.
She couldn't…
She wasn't ready.
For any of it.
"I… I… I'm not feeling well, I… I don't want to get you sick, Chat Noir, I just… you know, you need all your health to fight ShadowMoth…"
She hadn't coughed once, she realized, so she added a cough.
No way he was buying it though…
"It's this tickle in my throat, it always starts there. I… I…"
"Marinette, I wasn't trying to pressure you, I didn't mean to…"
"Pressure me? What, no, never, I don't. I just … I'm just going to make some tea and go to dead."
No one's going to die!
"I mean, bed. Bed. Definitely bed."
And she couldn't take it anymore, she hopped right back inside, shutting the hatch behind her.
And sat there. Her back to the hatch. Knowing she hadn't heard him leave yet.
Knowing he was right there still.
But she was frozen.
And her eyes were… wet.
"Are you okay?" Tikki said.
All Marinette could do was shake her head.
And cry.
Apparently she could cry, at least.
"Well that was really sweet of him…"
Alya was stating the obvious and all Marinette could do was hollowly nod.
"I bet you could talk this out with him and he'd understand. Especially if really does love you."
Marinette just cringed harder.
"What?"
"I messed this up so badly."
"Hey, Marinette! No you haven't! You are the Guardian of the Miraculous. And you are human. A teenager! You are entitled to explore these things and it is okay to make mistakes."
"Mistakes? This isn't a mistake, it's a disaster!"
"Is it though?"
"It is!"
"Come on, keep perspective."
"That Regretta started this. There's some alternate timeline where I never confessed my love to Adrien as Ladybug and then never hurt him and so never sought comfort from my partner. I just had a normal non-superhero story with Adrien, whenever I was finally ready to tell him. And who knows how it ended but it didn't have any of this nonsense."
"Oh come on. For all you know that alternate timeline has a whole host of other issues. Maybe an actual disaster happens like losing all the miraculous to ShadowMoth—"
Marinette inhaled, "— Why would you even…?"
"My point is that this is not a disaster. This is a little angsty, sure, but you'll get through it."
Marinette shook her head.
"And come on, is there any worldwide reset happening...? Has Bunnyx hopped through that blue light Burrow thing to tell you something's all messed up again?"
The answer was implied. And Alya had made her point.
It'd be nice to let Alya's words comfort her. To think that it really could be worse. But…
"Marinette. Just talk to him."
Alya made it sound so easy, so reasonable. Marinette tried to breathe calmly, to listen. If she could settle her anxiety and frenetic thoughts… maybe she could hear what Alya was saying, accept it even.
And then, it hit her.
"Oh my God, you're right!"
"Thank you!"
Why didn't she think of it before?
"I will talk to him. But not as Marinette."
"Huh?"
"It's brilliant."
"It is?"
"Chat Noir… I need to tell you something.
"Anything M'lady!"
"I'm in love with you."
"— what?"
"I am. I know I rejected your advances again and again. And all I can think all the sudden is that I regret it. I regret every single one."
"Uh. Wow. That's. That's a lot…"
"I wish I had realized it sooner. I wish I had given you more of a chance. If it wouldn't be wholly irresponsible, I might consider using the bunny miraculous for just that…"
"What? M'lady, you don't sound like yourself. Is everything alright?"
"I guess not, not when love is involved."
"Love… you… love… me?"
"So much."
He looked away. He put his hand behind his neck and got so awkward. It was exactly what she'd hoped, to be honest.
"There was a time when you loved me. When you said I'd soon realize we were meant to be. Well, you were right, Chat."
He just nodded and said nothing more.
"Chat…?"
"M'Lady… I… I can't."
"You don't love me anymore? Just like that?"
"I… I never really knew you to love you. And you never really knew me… even though to know me is to love me, like I've always said," he snickered. But then seemed to realize this was not a time for jokes. "But no, M'lady, I'm in love with someone else."
"I see. So bad timing then. We just missed each other."
"It… it's not just timing M'lady. This love I feel… it's… it's everything. It made me realize that what I felt for you was… well, a crush. You're amazing. I trust you, I admire you. And perhaps, on some level, I will always have this crush on you. If I'm honest with myself, yeah. But… but a crush isn't what I want anymore. Not after falling… not after realizing what real love feels like. Timing makes it sound like… this is so much more than timing. This is realizing that love is … irreplaceable."
Ladybug almost forgot her plan.
She felt her own heart float away from her…
Hearing him describe his feelings for her like that …
It was magical.
But also sad.
How could she ever return those feelings through a mask?
Her feelings were … they were there. But they were different.
Which is luckily when she remembered her plan.
"Is it with the girl you gave your miraculous to?"
Chat tensed and seemed to stop breathing. "That's… we're not supposed to discuss our private lives M'Lady. We can never learn each other's identities."
"That's exactly what I'm worried about as well, Kitty Cat."
He suddenly didn't seem to appreciate the nickname…. "Why should you be worried at all? Don't I get to make my own choices in life?"
"Of course, but you can't forget you're a superhero. We can't know each other's identities because if either one of us were to be Akumatized, that'd be all ShadowMoth needed to get both Miraculouses. And now, if I were to be Akumatized, I'd have the vital information that Marinette is valuable to you. Don't you think ShadowMoth would exploit that?"
"I… I know that."
Though his voice got raspy. She was upsetting him.
"Cat?"
"She doesn't want to know my identity anyways…."
"But you still want to tell her."
"So?"
"You can't."
"Why not?"
"Because… you just can't!"
He wouldn't look at her and his voice only got raspier.
"I was just following your lead M'lady. You have someone you can trust, someone you can rely on when you need. You have Scarabella. And now you're telling me I can't ever have someone?"
"I didn't say that. It just can't be her."
"And why not? Why can't it be the single most trustworthy person in the world? Really? Why can't she know?"
"Because then I'd know!!"
Finally, Chat looked at her.
Just in time for Ladybug to enter full panic mode.
"What?"
Right. Explain that, Ladybug. Why not her…
"I'd know … her. Don't you see? You don't know who Scarabella really is." And Ladybug felt herself calm down. It was a good save. And true as well. "If I were to be Akumatized, I'd have a path to your miraculous and it'd be through Marinette. See? I'd know."
"Because she gave you my miraculous. Rather than use it like I thought she would."
"She revealed herself. Again. This is why I never entrusted her with another miraculous again."
This seemed to stress Chat Noir out. He held his head and closed his eyes.
"Well she doesn't know."
"For now."
"And she doesn't ever want to know."
"That's gotta be a really hard place to love someone from Kitty Cat."
He cringed at the nickname again. And like the last thing he wanted was her empathy and understanding on the matter. Even though… she was pretty sure no one could empathize more…
And she meant what she said. Sure, she repurposed her biggest regret with Adrien (ie, confessing her love as Ladybug instead of as herself) in a way that was potentially unfair… but…
Everything was seeming unfair when it came to love lately.
Absolutely everything.
She reached for him, hoping to comfort him, but…
"Don't worry about it. I'm sure we've gotta get to … something."
So date Ladybug and his father has a problem with it. Date Marinette and Ladybug has a problem with it. Is he just never allowed to date who he wants to date?
And would he always just be a good dog and follow orders?
That thought hurt him … he should've been able to deny his father's orders with Ladybug. He still can't quite face that he didn't…
The powerlessness of it.
Marinette made him feel more powerful and yet…
Here he was. Back in front of his original issues. Almost like love wasn't enough to solve them. Almost like he had to solve them himself…
And now this love confession from Ladybug… what?!? He had no idea what to make of this.
He still hadn't talked to Marinette since he told her he loved her. She said she wasn't feeling well. She asked for space. He was going to give it, without jumping to conclusions or filling in the blanks.
And then … Ladybug throws her hat in the ring? Really? What … what is this world sometimes?
She even reached out to comfort him… no, he could not deal with that right now.
"Don't worry about it. I'm sure we've gotta get to … something."
He stood up and led the patrol, deciding he didn't care if Ladybug followed or not. But she did, he could hear her light Ladybug feet with his feline hearing.
The most infuriating part was that he knew she was right. Marinette said she didn't want to be put in this position, the exact one Ladybug doesn't want to put her in either.
When he confessed his love to her, whether he wants to admit it or not, he did put her in that position.
No wonder she fell ill.
He was supposed to protect her. He never would've…
The last thing he wanted was to put her in danger.
And he respected that she didn't want to know. She wanted to keep him safe in the surest way she knew how. She was remarkable, that Marinette.
He'd never get over her.
He was really starting to think that finding love wasn't in the cards for him. That when he accepted the Black Cat miraculous, he accepted this consequence as well.
If he could never share all of himself with someone, the way Alya and Nino did… how could he ever have love? For real?
His Chat Noir life would always be in the way…
Always…
"You know, I know how you feel Chat."
He shook his head. That's not what he wanted to hear right now.
"I'm sure it's how I felt with Adrien," she added.
And Chat stopped walking.
"I get it more than you know," she said, her voice tender and soft.
And now he listened.
Because it reminded him … wasn't he so certain he'd never get over Ladybug? But he hadn't let himself notice Marinette yet. There was no going back to Ladybug from Marinette. No way. Marinette was love. Marinette was everything to him.
But still, he found himself asking a very dangerous question.
"Do you still think about him? Adrien?"
"Uh. Um."
He shouldn't have asked. It wouldn't change anything.
Just like her sudden confession of love for him didn't change anything.
Although… some part of him had to know…
Because, if she really did love both versions of him…
—It'd mean nothing. She's not Marinette!
No, he loved Marinette. And Marinette… felt…
He didn't know for sure how she felt about him in return, did he?
He should've just asked her out as Adrien. That would've simplified all of this…
"Maybe Adrien was my crush. The one I might always have on some level. Like you said about me. But you… you're my partner. You're who I wanted close by to feel safe. You always make me feel safe. I can't ignore that, Chat."
She didn't sound like she was trying to convince him of anything anymore. She just sounded like she was unloading. Sharing her truth.
He was her partner. And he would always protect her.
"I can't ignore that that's what I feel with you, Chat. I never had that same security with Adrien."
With that, his stomach was sucked into a black hole.
"Right. I… I have to go Ladybug. Thank you for… that."
And he leapt off.
He was fragile again. Lost again.
This was what Marinette had saved him from. But now, there was no one to save him.
"Don't listen to her," Plagg said.
"Why? She's right. Adrien failed her in those catacombs. Just like he failed her with the miraculous of the snake. Adrien fails the ones he loves. And apparently, Chat Noir puts them in danger."
He just wasn't worthy of anyone's love.
"Come on Adrien, that's not true. We'll figure this out, we will."
"What is there to figure out? Marinette said she didn't want to be put in danger. And I went and confessed my love to her. What is wrong with me? Why couldn't I have just kept my mouth shut??"
"Your open heart is one of the best things about you, Adrien! It makes you a perfect Chat Noir!'
"I'm not—"
"Ladybug literally just said she loves you. Because she trusts you. Why are you overlooking that?"
"Because… because… Plagg, if she only knew…"
"So what?"
"How can both be true when I'm the same person, Plagg?"
"Well maybe because, as Adrien, you answer to your father. Chat Noir doesn't! Maybe your father is the problem!"
"I can't blame my father for —"
"Well he's the one that gave you that order, the order that made her feel unsafe—"
"And I'm the one that followed it, Plagg! I'm…"
Worthless, he thought.
"Adrien, you are an amazing Chat Noir. I could never ask for a better holder than you. Really."
"Yeah. Thanks, Plagg."
"Adrien…"
Adrien curled into a ball and tried to shut everything out.
Plagg zoomed through the city. He didn't need to follow the smell of croissants… but it didn't hurt.
He saw Marinette sleeping and got Tikki's attention. Then zapped through her hatch door to the balcony.
"What are you doing here?" Tikki said. "The last time you did this, it did not end well, remember? Or did you already forget that all the Kwamis had to get captured by Kwamibuster to undo your mistake."
"Yeah well I'm not here for cheese. I'm here for Adrien. You've gotta do something. Talk to her."
"Talk to her? What am I going to say?"
"I don't know! But my holder is falling apart over there. He's in love and heartbroken at the same time!"
"Yes, well, so is mine."
"And they don't have to be! You know that!"
"Plagg, I cannot get involved more than I already have. You can't either."
"Oh pshh, Sugarcube. You didn't see my holder."
"I saw him go for Ladybug's earrings…"
"So tell her not to blame Adrien for that! Tell her…"
"Plagg, listen to yourself. I'm glad you love your holder so much, but maybe Marinette's right not to trust him…"
"Huh? You… you take that back."
"Plagg…"
"Take. That. Back!"
"Just go back, be there for him, talk him through it."
"And what are you going to do?"
"I've got plenty to deal with here. Don't forget, my holder's the guardian."
"And they love each other!"
"Which is already dangerous enough!"
"No! Love is simple. Love makes them good partners. Love saves the day again and again against Akumatizations!"
"… I've never heard you be such a romantic, Plagg…"
"AND THIS ISN'T LOVE! This is convoluted identity splitting that is confusing ME! An interdimensional being with billions of parallel universes in my head! And yet I'm confused!! ME, SUGARCUBE! ME!!"
"I… I guess it is getting a bit convoluted."
"We know it works out sometimes. When they know."
"Once they're adults and can use their powers without transforming back, Plagg. Never before… And, whatever anyway, I obviously don't know that for sure because I would never use any of the parallel universe information here and you can't either, you know that. Didn't you learn anything from Pompeii?"
"Oh come on, this is nothing like Pompeii."
"Plagg, this is exactly like Pompeii."
"Ugh, why'd I even bother... What do you know…"
"Just be there for him. In this time and in this space."
"You're one to talk."
"Excuse me?"
"Do I need to remind you why platypuses exist?"
"That is neither here nor there."
"Fine, but you know what is? We are making their lives harder. When it's actually sooo easy."
"…You really… you really came all the way here for your holder? Not the pastries? Or the cheese? It's just very unlike you, Plagg."
Plagg made an indignant grunt.
"Maybe you're being more present here with him than I'm giving you credit for."
Plagg didn't disagree.
"It's true, we don't seem to be on a path to the end of the world here…"
"Exactly! We would know, wouldn't we?"
"And yet we have Pompeii and platypuses," Tikki reminded him.
Plagg deflated. "I can't just watch my holder suffer, Sugarcube."
"I know how you feel."
"So. We have to do something. Maybe we can just convince them to talk to each other."
"They've been talking to each other, Plagg."
"You know what I mean."
"I… I'll see what I can do Plagg. I see how much you care. Don't think I don't care too."
"Yeah. Whatever. I'm going to go back now."
"It'd be wise."
"Uh huh."
And Plagg zoomed back through Paris, back to his spot on Adrien's pillow.
Interdimensional omniscience used to make everything so much easier. Too easy even. It was worth it to be here, now, with Adrien. It was everything actually. It let him bond with him. It was just also really starting to frustrate him that there was so much more he could be doing, if he could just care a little less.
If he could just zoom out… and get some valuable information… some information that would cheer his holder up. That would clarify everything he was dealing with!
But ugh.
As much as Plagg would never admit it, Sugarcube was right.
That was exactly what triggered Pompeii.
"Adrien."
"I'm sleeping, Plagg."
"You know, your father or Nathalie will be in here any minute. You're about to be late for school."
"So then hide, Plagg." And he rolled over and went back to sleep.
"Adrien…"
But he was right. Just like he said she would, Nathalie came in, only to have her efforts met with the same lackluster response.
Plagg knew it was normally far too risky to leave Adrien's side in his house. What if he was spotted…?
But… he needed ideas. He needed… something.
Nathalie went into Gabriel's office — all while Plagg followed and found a good hiding spot. With the door open, he was fine behind the door. If she closed it, he'd have to figure out where to go next…
He listened to them while also searching the room for something else to hide behind, in case he needed it…
One of the chairs maybe…
Why was this office so sparse?
"Adrien doesn't appear to be feeling well. He won't get out of bed," Nathalie said.
Gabriel looked up from his work. And Nathalie never closed the door, so Plagg could stay safely behind it.
"Today was the day TVI was going to get their Adrien puff piece, months after Ladybug broke his heart, their 'where is he now'."
"I can reschedule them."
"Hold on, Nathalie."
Gabriel paused, deep in thought. Like he was listening...
"Did you hear any coughing or sneezing from him Nathalie?"
"No. Sir…"
"I'll handle it."
"Gabriel…"
"Him looking weak would normally be awful for the brand, yes, but… I smell an opportunity here. I'm tired of the public rooting for Ladybug. It's time to make her public enemy #1, by pulling at their heartstrings."
Why… why would Adrien's father want to villainize Ladybug? Was it anything like this other timeline where— no, he… Plagg couldn't go to those.
He followed Gabriel as he walked up the stairs, Plagg kept a good distance, then found an opportunity to zip through the walls that led to Adrien's room and place himself beyond the ceiling instead.
Gabriel entered Adrien's room, looked him over, then placed his hands behind his back.
While thumbing his ring, Gabriel said, "Get up, Adrien. It's time to go to school."
And just like that, Adrien did.
"What made you change your mind, Adrien?"
"Huh?"
He walked from his bodyguard's car, up the school steps.
"You didn't care when I asked. Or when Nathalie asked. But once your father asked…"
Adrien shrugged. "Why does it matter, Plagg?"
Plagg didn't know yet why. Just that it very much did.
Right then, a TVI news van pulled up. Nadja Chamack ran after him. "Adrien? Adrien!"
Adrien ignored her and proceeded into the school. "Adrien, do you have a moment to catch us up? Where are you with your school work? Have you moved on yet from when Ladybug broke your heart?"
Ms. Bustier clocked Adrien's deflated demeanor and stopped the reporter from entering school grounds.
"This is a school. Not a set. You can't be here."
"We organized this ahead of time with the Agreste brand."
"Well, did you organize it with the school?"
"We assumed Gabriel Agreste had informed the school."
"I have received no such information. Perhaps you should get him to reach out to the school yourself. I'm sure, with his busy schedule, he'd love to fit in a phone call from you. Or you could just wait for school to end."
She closed the doors just as the bell rang. "Adrien, is everything okay?"
He shrugged and went to class.
Even with how Adrien said "Here"… everyone heard it right away. Something was wrong.
Plagg bounced out underneath the desk, in view of Tikki. He glared at her.
She rolled her eyes at him, but… Fine, she thought.
"What do you think is going on with Adrien, Marinette?" Tikki asked.
"I… I don't like seeing him like that. But I can't… I can't get involved, Tikki. I've got enough to worry about—"
"You do, I agree. But don't forget he's your friend too, Marinette. It's all your friends that have been so integral every time you've fought an Akuma attack. What would we do if Adrien got Akumatized?"
"That… that's a good point, Tikki… oh my God, what was I thinking? I was really just going to act like all my problems mattered more? That's not very Ladybug of me…"
"You're the best Ladybug, Marinette!"
"I don't know about that. But thanks, Tikki."
"Hi Adrien! Everything okay?"
"Watch out, Marinette. You shouldn't talk to me."
"What…? What are you talking about?"
"Oh, nothing. Nevermind."
They had their next class to get to, but Marinette suddenly didn't care about Science at all.
"Adrien, talk to me. I don't want to see you get Akumatized. What's wrong?"
He paused at that and looked up at her. "You're right. That would be…"
It was seeming like she'd made things worse, by the new look on his face…
"Come on, it's not that big of a deal! Ladybug and Chat Noir would've saved you! They always do."
Adrien nodded, but it was so hollow. "Adrien, talk to me."
She knew what to ask about, even though she really didn't want to… she—she took a deep breath…
"Is this about that girl? The one you were worried about being a rebound?"
Adrien looked at her with such pain then. "It always is about love, isn't it?"
"…love?" He was in love?
— Which was fine, she reminded herself. What did she care if he was in love? Good for him!
Rebound to love, that's… great!
So. Great.
"I mean, yeah… yeah. Don't I know it…" Marinette hung her head too.
This seemed to have a much bigger impact on Adrien than she expected…
"Are you… are you also having trouble with love?" he asked.
"I seem to always be having trouble with love…"
"But love. We're talking about love here. You're in love?"
Okay, Marinette did not want to talk about this right now. She couldn't tell Alya the truth, she could barely admit it to herself. Only Ladybug had managed to say it, and it was as a tactical move towards a specific plan, so…. She didn't want to go there. Not now.
But she also saw his reaction… the very subject matter she wanted to bury was exactly what seemed to draw him out… why… why did she have to…?
Her eyes watered at the thought of admitting it.
"Marinette?"
And finally she just nodded. She broke down and nodded quicker and harder.
"I'm so in love, Adrien. So so so in love. But I can't… I can't say… it's a whole thing, it's a secret. I can't--"
"Why are you crying?"
"Because!! Because that's what you do when you love someone! And they love you too! And they tell you!! And you know you can't… you can't… you can't…"
She was becoming a blubbering mess. How was this possibly helping him?
And yet he really did suddenly have more life in him.
"You can't what?"
What could she even say…? But the intensity with which he looked at her… she needed to say something. Surely, there was some truth she could offer up, one that was vague enough to still keep her secret with Chat Noir…? But still be true?
She thought and thought…
And then remembered something Tikki told her once, not too long ago…
"Your instincts tend to know much better than any conclusion you could overthink your way to. So, if you close your eyes, and silence all your thoughts, does this all still feel right?"
She silenced her thoughts, looked in Adrien's eyes, and listened to her breath.
There was something deep in the pit of her stomach, something that hurt. It brought red-hot tears to her eyes to even think of saying it. So much more intense than even what had her blubbering… But… there it was.
"I can't…"
There was a dam up. One more word and it'd break… and it'd hurt too. There'd be no turning back…
But Adrien was entranced, hanging on her every word, staring into her eyes.
It seemed to matter to him and if it would help him for her to admit it…
She looked in his eyes and something told her it would.
Fine!
"I can't let myself be loved!"
And… the dam broke. But not how she thought it would. Just saying it lifted a weight. It made the feeling tangible. She could hear how ridiculous it sounded now too.
The crying stopped. "Wow. I don't think I was going to let myself…feel that… if it wasn't for you, Adrien."
He smiled at her. "I don't know anyone more worthy of love than you, Marinette."
And why did he have to be so sweet…
"Thanks Adrien."
"That… that about sums up how I feel too."
"What, you? You who's globally loved, what are you talking about?"
"And yet, no one really sees me. My father decides everything for me. I don't… I don't want to be under his thumb anymore."
"No?"
"No! I want to love who I want without some PR team advising me on whether it's good for the brand or not. In fact, I don't even want to be part of the brand anymore! I want to quit! But my father would never hear it. Never in a million years."
"I… I had no idea you felt that way Adrien."
"Yeah, well. No one really does. You're always the one I'm most able to confide in."
He laughed to himself and she blushed.
"Yeah, well…" she added. "Whoever you're in love with… probably… you probably just need to trust them too. I'm sure they'd… I'm sure they'd listen."
"I certainly know you would," he said, almost under his breath.
But Marinette heard it… and she did not know what to make of it.
Adrien left school a new man. And with Nadja back to catch him on the school steps, he actually brightened at the thought of what to say.
"Are you still heartbroken, Adrien?" she asked, while her cameraman stuffed a camera in his face. "It's okay — the people of Paris want to know how you're doing!"
"I've actually moved on, Nadja. Fell in love with someone… who is… absolutely wonderful. I don't know how she feels about me yet. But… maybe it's time I tell her."
"Tell her here! On the news! It'll be romantic!"
"Sorry Nadja. But I've learned from my mistakes." And with that, he turned away from the camera and got into his bodyguard's car.
He smiled, proud of himself actually.
"Wow, you just told all of Paris you're in love with someone new…"
Adrien nodded. Without any PR approval. It was… exhilarating!
But he dare not respond to Plagg, with his bodyguard right there behind the wheel of the car.
He knocked on her hatch door. Marinette answered with such trepidation, his heart hurt when he saw her.
"Listen, Marinette, I just came to say I'm sorry."
"You're… sorry?"
He exhaled and sorted through everything he knew Chat Noir needed to say.
"What I said last time was true. Very, very true. I love you. I could love you just like this. Just the way we've been going and take what I can get. Without ever getting closer to you. I… I more than just could, I want it. Especially if my only other choice is a life without you. But. But I also know that's not fair of me. That's not fair to you. You made very clear you don't want to ever have to lie, to be duplicitous or part of a superhero's drama…"
Her eyes widened at that, but he needed to say everything he came to say, before he got her reaction.
"You've been honest and perfect from the start. And I'm the liar. I lied to myself by saying it would be enough. I lied when I said I could have you without wanting to share my whole self with you. I lied to myself big time. Of course it freaked you out when I told you I loved you. It made it all so real. Everything. Everything you were agreeing to whenever you opened your hatch door to me. Everything you should never have to worry about too. I… Protecting you should be my top priority, not dating you. I'm… I'm the worst."
"You're not—"
"It's okay, Marinette. I'm not trying to get your sympathy here. I… I'm acknowledging what I should have acknowledged as soon as I knew I loved you… which was right here, that night you hugged me. That purr gave me away and I knew it, but I lied to myself again. I won't anymore. Marinette, I love you so much, it hurts. And… that's it. It has to end there. For anything more, you have to make the choice. The choice to… the choice to know me… the choice I know you don't want to make. I'm not trying to pressure you into it, that's not… I'll admit I've thought about how it could work logistically. To still protect you, you know, make sure no one knows you know... We'd break up. We'd say that was it. And we would never be seen together like this again. But then… as civilians — I know that offers little comfort since it still means you'd know my secret, and you don't want that. And that's okay. I promised I would never pressure you and I'm going to honor that."
"Cat —"
"If you chose to be my one confidante, I can't promise to know what would happen. I have no idea. But let me tell you what would happen if you chose not to be. Which is the choice you've given me every reason to expect you to make. I would continue to love you. And you would owe me nothing for it. You would have a fan in me. Always. Not a jealous fan. A protective one, yes, but not a jealous one. If you fall in love again, I would support it. I would want the best for you. I might ask you out as my real self, but that's… forget I said that. That's not the point. The point is that because of you, I finally understand what love is. It's so much more than wanting to be with someone. It's wanting the world for them, even if you can't be the one to give it to them. And Marinette, that's what I should have told you last time. Not just 'I love you,' but… I would do anything for you. To protect you. To support you. You are my world now."
Marinette stared back at him.
And the weight that lifted off his chest…. He felt so much lighter.
Marinette's mouth gaped open. All she could do was stare at him…
It was cute. And he knew it was all true. She was everything to him.
"I've given you a lot to process, haven't I? I'm going to leave now. There's no urgency to this choice you now have. No urgency at all. And no matter what, I've got you."
He smiled at her and then zipped away.
Marinette couldn't bring herself to lift her jaw at all…
"Wow," Tikki said. "That might be the most romantic thing I've ever heard throughout all of space and time!"
"Yeah…" she finally muttered, warm and yet conflicted at the same time.
"It makes you want to know, doesn't it?" Tikki intuited.
Marinette could only nod.
"I mean… I am the Guardian… I could decide to…. Even though I saw how Sass had to intervene the last time I was going to get his secret identity…"
"Marinette, time is so much more complex than I can even share with you. Sass's intervention might have meant that that wasn't the right time for you to find out. That doesn't immediately dismiss this time. Things are different. You've been processing a lot. You're in love with someone new. You might be more ready now than you were then."
"Ready, Tikki? What do you mean?"
"We're always learning, Marinette. And when we learn to see the world for what it is rather than what we want it to be, we become better armed to defend ourselves against what might attack us."
"So. What you're saying is… I could make this choice…"
"Only you know that for sure Marinette. And all I know with complete certainty is that You are The Guardian. You are my favorite Ladybug holder in the history of all the Ladybugs I've served. You are clever and brilliant and in your heart, You know what is right. Marinette, the only thing I'm certain of is that whatever you choose will be exactly what's right for us, right here and right now."
"Wow. Thank you, Tikki."
Tikki nodded and smiled.
That just… that left it up to her then.
What choice did Marinette want to make?
What choice did she feel was right?