Chapter 7

On day three, after Angela dropped the bomb, Paul decided to return home. Wallowing in self-pity was getting damn old.

He phased out just behind the tree line at First Beach and jogged to the beach. He dove into the surf and paddled for a while. He let the swell drift him; one of the good sides of having a strong animal part of him was that he could swim in the dangerous rip curls on the shore without fear of being washed out to the ocean. Although, at the moment, it felt a pretty damn good idea.

After watching a pod of dolphins swim by, he returned to the shore and sat down on the sand.

Paul had been running non-stop the last couple of days. He had had only one break, the day before when he'd caught and eaten a deer. He was exhausted. There was nothing new there; he'd been feeling this bone-deep weariness for months, ever since the damn imprint.

He was fucking bored of running away from his problems, and knowing that him running was the reason he was in this deep shit in the first place didn't help. He didn't gain anything by running other than when he was in his wolf form he could forget. Losing himself to the animal was bliss as much as a curse.

But what the fuck was he going to do? Anxiety started to fill him again. He was becoming a father. How the fuck could Angela have been so stupid, so damn selfish, and thoughtless. There must be something seriously wrong with her. No one with full faculties would do what she'd done.

He could hear Jacob coming and sighed. He wasn't in a mood to talk with anybody, least with the future alpha who would tear him a new one after he learned about Angela's pregnancy. He'd been able to keep his mind shut about the pregnancy, so no one knew - yet.

"So, you decided to come back. What was it this time?" Jacob chuckled.

Baby-alpha's sunny face annoyed the hell out of Paul. He wanted to punch that smile out of his damn face. Jacob was a good kid, but he was so damn happy all the fucking time. It was seriously disturbing.

"You look shit," Jacob said as he sat down on the sand.

"Thanks, man," Paul grunted. But if he looked anything close to how he felt, it wouldn't be good.

"No, seriously, you look sick.

Should he tell him?

Jacob would flip his top, but it was better to tell him sooner than later. Jacob cared a great deal about Bella; that much was obvious, and he would hate Paul for what had happened. And Paul hated himself, knowing his actions affected her.

"Angela is pregnant. She stopped using birth control without telling me and pinned the condoms."

"WHAT!? Are you serious?" Jacob bolted up from the ground, looking horrified.

"Would I joke about something like that?" Paul asked, annoyed.

"I guess not. Damn. That's sick," Jacob stated the fucking obvious pacing back and forth. "FUCK man, why the fuck would you let this happen?! What are you going to TELL BELLA?" Jacob was pulling his hair now. Paul would laugh if it wasn't his ass on the line here. "Fuck, she's YOUR IMPRINT, and you're having a child with someone else." Jacob punched large driftwood, sending barks flying. "You are a damn FOOL! I would kick your ass, but she is confused enough. She doesn't need to feel any more of your shit."

"I'm all yours; show me your hardest," Paul huffed. Jacob would be able to beat him to a pulp. He could hardly lift an arm. He welcomed the idea of feeling something else than this continuous nausea rolling in his veins and the pit of his stomach. The never-ending headache was probably the worst.

Jacob sat back down. He was still huffing like a steam engine.

"I've thought we couldn't get anyone else pregnant besides our imprints."

Paul would give his right ball to make it true. "Well, that's not the case. And it has happened before, I've read from the journals. The wolf gene doesn't go forward with other women, but yeah, we can get other women pregnant too. Fucking obviously."

"Huh. I wonder if the elders know that."

"Who cares what the fuckers know. They won't tell us anything anyway."

They sat in silence for a while. Paul grabbed a small piece of driftwood and started to rip off its grey bark.

"Paul, you know this wouldn't have happened if you hadn't been such an idiot?" Jacob continued to rub salt on the wound. "You insisted on ignoring your imprint and carrying on with Angela when anybody could see you weren't meant to be together. And for what?"

"So, it's my fault now, is it?"

"No, it's not your fault. It's Angela's. But if you'd acted differently, none of this hadn't happened. If you had listened to your wolf. Why the fuck you didn't just stop it?! DAMNIT"

He could not tell Jacob the reason; he was too fucking ashamed to tell him that he was so starved for paternal attention, to have a proper family around, little brothers who adored him, that he dated a girl who wasn't even close to what he needed in a woman. Not that he hadn't liked it at first, but he had kept going because he didn't want to lose the family. And now he was neck-deep in shit. What a pathetic loser he was.

When Paul didn't answer, Jacob continued, "Tell me, Paul, you are the only one of us who thinks that the human and the wolf are separate entities. That what he wants, and needs are different than what you need. Why?"

Paul thought about it. Most of the time, he and his wolf were on the same page, and he enjoyed being fast and strong and how it had affected his human form. What wasn't there to like? Well, putting aside that, once you phased, you had to bury all your dreams and plans you've made for yourself.

"I don't know if I think we wouldn't necessarily need the same things, on a basic level at least. The fucker needs to eat, sleep, fight, and mate. But so much is taken from us, from the man, when we phase that I refuse to give away my choice of a woman, the person I should share my life with. At least that one thing should be for us to decide."

"But the wolf knows."

"Bullshit. It's the damn mindfuck which makes you pussy whipped fuckers to think he does."

"Fuck you, Paul. You are just being fucking stubborn for nothing. Bella is fucking amazing. You would be a fucking moron to turn her down. Believe me, I've known her my whole life, and I..." Jacob stopped.

Paul turned to look at Jacob, curious to know what he wasn't saying. Jacob was gazing at the ocean unreadable expression on his face.

"'I'?..." Paul prompted.

"There was a time I hoped we could be more than friends," Jacob answered quietly.

Paul's wolf growled, and the man didn't like the idea any better. But he ignored it. Anybody who's seen Bella and been in her company even a little while could relate to Jacob.

"I don't necessarily want to turn her down but the imprint," Paul specified.

"It's the same thing."

"Fuck, it is. Do you remember Jared and Kim? Hmm? They were in the same class for years. Hell, Jared knew Kim when they were both still in diapers, and Jared didn't give a shit about her before, but after he phased, she was the most amazing thing alive. And why is that? Hmm? because of the damn imprinting."

Jacob didn't say anything.

"Sam should be married to Leah by now, but instead, he's fucking her best friend and cousin who, I might add, he'd know just as long as Leah but only fell in love with her after he imprinted." Paul was losing his shit. "Don't tell me they are the same thing."

Paul's heart was thrumming, and his head swum. He was so fucking mad and hungry and just so damn tired of this shit. Drifting out to the ocean sounded more appealing by the second.

Jacob sighed. Paul could see that he understood what he was saying but wasn't going to admit it. When he had imprinted on Amanda, it was the first time he'd ever seen her, and he hadn't dated or been in love with someone else. Unless he'd still been in love with Bella... The idea made him see red, and that made him angrier still. Fuck. Any of his feelings weren't truly his; the damn imprint made him jealous of a woman he had seen once. Only once, for a short moment, for fuck's sake.

"Bella is amazing, and as her friend, I ask you to tell her. She knows something is off, and she feels the effects. I can be there and help. It might be easier for her if I'm with her when you tell."

"Well, it might actually be a good idea. We can try to find together a way how to break the mind fuck."

Jacob sighed. "You can't break the imprint. The only thing you'll break is the possibility of having a great relationship with her. Only you've been destroying it already by getting that silly girl pregnant. But no one wants to hear that they're not wanted."

"Are you dense, Jacob: it's not her I don't want but the imprint. This is useless. You think your imprints shit gold bricks and are the best thing after sliced bread. You are blind and unable to think straight when it comes to this mind fuck. I've seen in your minds how your imprints have you by your balls, and it's fucking disgusting," he shouted and was losing fast last sheds of his strength. But he just couldn't give up.

Jacob chose not to take offense to what he said; like the rest of the pack, he was bored with his antics about imprinting. And he couldn't blame them; he was bored too.

Paul continued, "Look, Jake, Bella is smart; she has her own life. She doesn't want to be tied to me any more than I want her to be. Yes, I'm a man enough to admit that I want her, but that's the fucked-up part; how can I know I want her when I don't even know her. She's fucking gorgeous and seemed a nice person, but I have to know her to know I want her, right?"

Jacob said nothing.

"And forgive me if I don't find it especially thrilling that the woman destined to me wants me because of the mind fuck. I want her to want me for me because she wants me." Paul was starting to see spots now.

"I give up, Paul. You make my head hurt with this bullshit. But please, tell her. Or I will. She has to know why she's feeling the way she is. And she suspects something is wrong with me. She is smart and doesn't take the bullshit I've told her about why I look like a damn overgrown gorilla on steroids," Jacob ranted, and Paul let him. "She is my best friend, and I don't want her to be confused. And remember this, Lahote, if you ever hurt her, I'll cut your balls off with a kitchen knife, pack bother or not. It is bad enough that your ex-girlfriend is pregnant. Damn, you really had gotten yourself in deep shit, and I fucking hate that you're dragging Bella into it too."

Paul didn't need Jacob constantly reminding him of his situation. He'd dug himself a deep hole, and he wasn't sure if he was able to get up. For fuck' sake, the pity party was starting again.

He got up and took a few rocks from the ground, throwing them one by one into the ocean. He felt terrible to think that Bella had been feeling the imprint's effects but did not understand what was causing them. That she might think there was something wrong with her. He at least knew what was going on. Jacob was right; she deserved to know.

"Has she told you anything specific?" he asked Jacob, who got up as well.

"No, just that she is restless and can't concentrate. I don't think she would admit aloud to anybody that she is thinking about you, which I'm pretty damn sure she is. You can say whatever you want about imprinting, but it's a damn strong and two-way street."

To think that Bella was thinking about him made odd things to his cock regardless of his feeble state, and he needed to stop this before he made a fool of himself.

"Okay, you'll be there when I talk to her. I don't trust my wolf."

Jacob looked at him with an annoyed look and huffed. "You should not be able to mistrust your wolf, but that is exactly what you've been doing these last few months. And look what good it did do."

"I think we've covered the topic. See you around."

Paul jogged home with the last energy he could muster. When he opened the door, he smelled Angela, but it wasn't a fresh scent. She'd left when he had asked her to.

On the kitchen table, there was a letter. It was from Angela. He wouldn't read it; nothing she'd said would make him forgive her for what she'd done.

But what the fuck was he going to do with Angela? Paul could not believe she really had been so selfish, so stupid. If anything, she should have thought about the baby. Paul grimaced – the baby – Fuck.

Paul went to the kitchen to find something to eat. He craved sleep but needed to eat more. He took a large bag of meatballs from the freezer and put them in the oven. It would take half an hour before they were ready to eat. He would use that time to take a shower.

He thought about Angela's family. He knew how this would affect his relationship with them. John would demand him to marry her, which he wouldn't do in any circumstances, and then he wouldn't be welcome anymore. Even if he hadn't imprinted on Bella, he could not marry Angela. They would be miserable together and end up hating each other. Angela's deception had killed all positive feelings he had had toward her.

He would be there for the kid; he was a father, and it wasn't the kid's fault that its mother was a selfish bitch. He had a miserable childhood, and no child of his would ever suffer from one if it was up to him.

Angela would not tell her parents what she'd done, of that Paul was sure. She couldn't admit what a nutcase she was. But shit would hit the fan after her parents got to know she was pregnant, and John would come after him if he hadn't talked to him first. It was obvious that Paul had to take control of the situation.

Goddamnit Angela!

It would be fucking awkward to talk with John about the pregnancy, but surely he knew that her daughter was having sex. He could not be thinking that she was saving herself for marriage, could he? Angela was 21 years old and dating.

But then, how well he really knew the Reverend? He might think he did, but every man would flip his top when hearing his daughter was pregnant to a man who wasn't going to marry the daughter. Paul would have signed his death warrant if he wasn't a strong, invincible shapeshifter. Shit. There was another problem; how to explain his survival after John had shot him.

Fuck. He would go to talk to John as soon as possible. He should do it before he spoke to Bella. But he was running out of time; she would be here the day after tomorrow.

Paul didn't get a chance to talk to John. He tried to catch him up at his office, but one of the staff told him he was on a work trip and wouldn't be back until the beginning of the following week. Fucking marvelous. He hadn't tried to talk with Angela, and she had let him be. Thank fuck for small mercies.

So here he was, sweating bullets and waiting for Bella to show up.

"How should we do this?" Paul asked. His brain refused to cooperate with him, and all he could do was feel absolutely terrified.

"Relax, Paul," Jacob chuckled. "She'll be here soon, and I think we'll take the bull by the horns when she arrives. It would be cruel to let you wait and better for her too, I'm sure. She can feel some of your anxiety and doesn't understand why she feels the way she does."

They were hanging out on the beach with the rest of the pack. Sue's annual summer party was held on First beach this year, and there were a lot of kids running around and adults sitting in small groups chatting and eating and drinking. Paul couldn't eat. His insides were turning around, even thinking about food.

"I'll get her as soon as she arrives at the beach, and we'll take her to the clearing by the pond. You go there and wait for us."

And then he heard her. He could pick her voice among dozens of others with his enhanced wolf hearing. She was chatting with her father. They'd just hopped out of the car and walked toward the beach.

"Go," Jacob said to him. But he was nailed into his spot, unable to move. Her voice was calling him; she was finally in his reach and the very idea of going further away from her was torture.

"Go, you idiot," Jacob pushed him on his shoulder, and he got out of his stupor and started towards the forest and the clearing. It wasn't far away.

When waiting for them, Paul felt like the caged fucking animal, not far from the truth. His wolf could smell her, hear her. He'd been denied too long, and Paul had to use all his strength not to phase and stop the animal from running to his mate. Patience had never been either of their strongest assets.

Soon she was coming with Jacob. Now he could see her. Fuck, he was hard as fuck and aching, and his mind was going all over the place. His heart was beating frantically in his chest. A panic attack wasn't far away. He felt like running. After all, it was all he'd been doing these last few months. But the animal was stronger this time, and the man knew he had to face this.

"What is it, Jake? Where are we going?" she laughed, her voice resonated with every fiber in his body, and his fucking wolf purred like a damn cat. And he felt his breathing evening and trembling in his hands stop, but his heart refused to calm down.

Jacob and Bella reached the clearing, and it was then that Bella saw him. She looked him straight into his eyes, and Paul felt he was tasered. Those eyes drilled into his soul, and he almost dropped to his knees. Her huge questioning eyes gazed at him as her lips parted, and Paul watched, mesmerized, as her teeth pulled her full bottom lip into her mouth. He had to suppress the moan threatening to escape from his mouth. Paul remembered what Jacob said about imprinting being a two-way street. He could definitely see the depth of her emotions shining in her eyes, mirroring his own. But they were mixed with confusion. Oh, how he wanted to erase it away.

She was so much more than he remembered. Her face, her smell, and her voice; all soothed his wolf. If he were in his animal form now, he would be wagging his tail, his tongue lolling out of his mouth.

The man wasn't far from drooling either. And Paul realized he wanted to know everything about this ivory-skinned beauty. He wanted to know her every thought, what she was thinking now. What she'd been like when she was a kid, what kind of a teenager she'd been. Where had she gotten the scar on her chin? What was her favorite color? What she feared the most.

He wanted to know how she liked her eggs, did she put sugar in her coffee, did she like broccoli - like knowing her favorite vegetable was the most important thing in his world right now.

He longed to know how it felt to feel her breath on his cheek when she would whisper something into his ear as she'd done to that jerk at the cafe. How she tasted and sounded when he was making love to her. Fuck, Paul mentally slapped himself. He was already turning into a pussy in front of his imprint. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Mine.

Wolf's blunt statement pulled Paul out of his imprint-induced coma.

The hell she is. He was still fighting, although it was getting harder and harder to actually mean it. He knew without a doubt that this woman in front of her was meant to be his. And he wanted her; he wanted her bad. But the damn animal didn't run this show; he did. At least, that is what he told himself.

Then an awful idea crossed his mind. What if she didn't want him? Why the fuck would she even want him? She could reject him, say no to imprint. What would happen to him if she said no? No one knew what would happen to a wolf if the imprint rejected him. The wolf whined pitifully.

Then something changed on Bella's face; the dreamy expression changed as if she'd remembered something.

"I think congratulations are in order," she said with a small voice, "Angela told me you are going to be a father."

Fuck. This was not happening.

AN:

Thank you for your confidence in this story. It's great that you think this isn't necessarily a train wreck. Will see.

I love to hear your thoughts.