James smiled tightly at his mother, too distracted looking around the platform for her worried expression to register in his mind. If it had, he would have reassured her, but as it was he was looking for Sirius.

After that disastrous argument before the break, and the rare few minutes Sirius had spoken to him on the mirror, James hadn't even interacted with his best friend in a while. He knew part of it was his fault, but he wasn't prepared to apologize to Sirius. It just wasn't how he did things.

And if, while he was looking for Sirius, his gaze strayed a few times to the bright redhead smiling at her parents and Alice Fortescue, no one would know. James wasn't going to tell after all.

"Everyone can see you staring at Evans," Peter said dryly, stumbling to a stop beside James.

He was startled, unprepared for Peter to have come so early, and so silently. Peter was always stumbling over something or the other, getting distracted way too easily for him to be good at stealth or information gathering.

"I was not," he shot back without much strength in his voice. James knew when to cut his losses, and the look Peter shot at him was enough for him to back down. "How come you're early this time, Pete?"

Peter shook his head, giving James one more deadpan look before he launched into a spiel about his vacations. James knew how it went, of course he did. He'd spent a few days at Peter's house, meeting up with Peter's mum and cousins. It wasn't the first time they had spent a vacation together.

James' gaze drifted around the station, even as he nodded and hummed at appropriate times to Peter's one-sided conversation. Absently, it landed on Lily once again and James couldn't help the way his heart skipped and he smiled when she laughed, throwing her head back and smiling so wide it had to hurt. Her hand was gripping Alice's shoulder as she tried to muffle her laughter with the other, and James could see the glint of color on her nails, even from a distance.

"You're staring at her again," Peter said, visibly amused, when James turned to scowl at him. "You get a vaguely dreamy expression when you're looking, you know?"

James huffed, turning his nose up. "I do not!"

Without waiting for a response from Peter, he elbowed his way back to where his parents were standing and smiled brightly at them, giving his mother a big hug first.

"You're suddenly happy," his father commented, eyeing him carefully. "You haven't rigged any pranks at home, have you?"

So maybe watching Lily had improved his mood slightly, but it wasn't that much of a difference. James rolled his eyes at his father, over his mother's shoulder.

"Of course I did," he replied, "you should have expected that."

Fleamont burst into laughter, reaching out to ruffle James hair even more than it already was. "You're a little joker, James, don't lose your humor."

James shook his head solemnly. "I won't father, you can be sure of that."

He managed to hold the expression for all of ten seconds before his mother swatted him on the head with a fond smile. It was calming, this banter with his family, and yet, his eyes drifted out searching for Lily.

She caught his eye this time, raising a brow and smiling in amusement. James blinked a few times, and narrowed his eyes slightly, but the image of Lily smiling, in his direction, remained. The mystery from the beginning of the year came crashing back, full force, with all the little pieces he had collected during the term slotting into place in the puzzle. There was something different with Lily and he had to find out what it was.

Lily waved at him, and James wanted to question it, and be suspicious of it. But this was Lily Evans, the prettiest girl in the world, who yelled at him all the time and who he might have had a small crush on, who was waving at him.

Almost without his consent, he raised his hand in return. If it was possible, Lily's smile grew. She turned away.

James turned back to his parents, ignoring their inquiring looks and picking up his bags. "I'll get on the train now," he announced, not meeting his father's eyes. "See you in March, mum, dad."

"Goodbye, James," his mother replied, a sly smirk on her face.

James nodded, turning away before they could see the flush that was steadily creeping up his face.

"You are really not subtle, mate," Peter said, shaking his head sadly. "Not subtle at all."

James slumped further into his seat, ready to throw the Charms book he was holding out of the window. It was utterly exhausting to have to read it, what with the words being uselessly complicated and the tone of the book so utterly dry. He knew he would have better luck finding the charm in a more interesting book, that didn't try to bore him to death. He could have just experimented to find out the charm, but Peter had insisted on this book, and James was stuck reading it.

"Why do I have to read this one, though?" James whined again, for the seventh time in the past twenty minutes. "Are you sure there are no other books."

"My mum said this was the best book for advanced charms, especially if they were related to wards in any way." Peter shot back, not raising his head from the parchment on which he was drawing the map. "And you know mum's are always right."

James sighed and opened this book on his lap again. The words were swimming in front of his face. He could barely understand what most of the spells meant, which was a sign he needed to learn the basics of the concept first, but that would mean more work than he was willing to put in. Especially since it was charms, of all subjects. He was not a charms person at all.

"What are you doing?" Sirius asked, leaning forward to look into the book.

James snapped it shut, scowling at Sirius.

"Nothing you need to concern yourself with!"

Sirius raised a brow, elbowing Remus, who swatted his hand. "Ow," Sirius muttered, glaring at Remus for a second before transferring the glare to James. "And why won't you tell me?"

"Because you didn't tell me what you were doing," James shot back.

He knew he sounded petty, but this was a grudge he was willing to hold. He knew that whatever Sirius had been doing was directly related to the kidnapped children. And he still didn't know what to think about the fact that his friend, the man sitting opposite him, the boy he trusted with his life, might be an accomplice to the murder of five children.

"Just some research," Sirius shot back, stony faced. He looked exhausted and wary, the bags under his eyes more pronounced than James had seen in a while.

"Why won't you just tell me the truth?" James asked, ignoring the sense of deja-vu that shot through him. They had argued about this before, and it had splintered their friendship. Neither of them had apologized either, simply ignoring the incident.

Sirius shot him a steely glare. "Why do you think I'm lying to you? Besides, not everything that happens here has to involve you."

"Maybe not," James replied, ignoring the pain that Sirius' words caused. He knew Sirius well enough to know that he was lying. "But I need to know if my best friend is hiding something from me, especially if it's related to the kidnapping of children."

"This again?" Sirius scoffed, eyes wild as he stood up, throwing the cards he was holding onto the seat. "I already told you that I didn't know anything about those children!"

"Why did you go back to your parents' house then? After everything that happened in the summer?"

Sirius expression shut off, until he was the same blank faced child James had seen the first time he had stepped onto the Hogwarts Express.

"That is none of your business James," he said, voice low and dangerous. "I might not like them, but they are my family."

James scoffed. "Yes, because your mother yelling at you for every little thing is a normal thing and your father practically avoiding your house and you is something that doesn't affect you?"

James regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth. His words hung in the air between them, the silence nearly oppressive. He didn't know what Sirius was thinking, didn't know what to do. Before he could open his mouth to apologize, Sirius turned and stormed out of the compartment, slamming the door behind him.

James moved to follow him but was stopped by Remus.

"Don't," the tall, sandy-haired boy warned. "Don't make this worse than it already is."

"But – "

"I'll go and talk to him, because clearly you can't be trusted to mind your words right now," Remus interrupted, shoving his book into his bag. "But I will tell you this. Our trip to Knockturn Alley was so that we could ensure Sirius wouldn't end up as a no-name."

James' eyes widened. He knew what being a no-name meant. It was worse than being a muggleborn to most people in the wizarding world. After all, it meant that even your family had rejected you, had decided that you weren't worth any name besides the one you could claim for yourself. For a pureblood of Sirius' standing, becoming a no-name would be an impossible blemish to get rid of. He wouldn't be able to do anything in his life, forget getting a job, he might not even be allowed to complete his Hogwarts education.

"If you want to be angry with him, suit yourself, but James," Remus said, not meeting his eyes, "please don't involve everyone else and make it their problem. Don't escalate this further than you already have."

With that, Remus was gone, the compartment door sliding shut behind him.

James deflated, slumping onto the seat in the suddenly quiet compartment. Peter wouldn't meet his eyes, clearly uncomfortable with the argument.

Turning his head to look out of the window, James wondered when his relationship with Sirius had changed so much that he couldn't bring himself to trust his best friend. He wondered when they had started keeping secrets from each other. And inevitably, as his brain always did, he thought about how Lily's change in behavior corresponded to the start of a lot of problems.

All he knew, even as he dozed off, was that he had to figure out what had made Lily change her mind about him. That was his only lead so far.