All the trigger warnings, just so ya know
The smoke from the burning restaurant had long since died down, and the first thing that Joel and Ellie noticed was the thick silence as they sneaked back into the Silver Lake area.
"They'll straight up kill us if they find us, Joel," Ellie whispered as they huddled together behind the stable. "If they find out that I – I - killed David, it's fucking curtains for both of us. He was like – their god or something."
"Not gonna happen," Joel grunted softly, watching the world beyond the wooden wall through a crack in the siding. "Now hush. I need to concentrate."
"Got your 6," Ellie muttered, turning and leaning her back against his. "All snow from what I can see. I'm just having the fucking time of my life, just so you know."
"And all people from what I can see," Joel rumbled behind her. "They are all grouped over there next to what is left of that restaurant. Come on, and move quietly."
They crept carefully around the corner of the barn, Joel's rifle angled in his hands, ready for sudden use. "Now," Joel whispered. "We split up. You, slip inside and bridle a horse, if there are any. Wait for me there. I am going to sneak over to that shed over behind the restaurant and see what supplies I can find for us. And whatever you do, stay the hell out of sight."
"Split up? Joel!" Ellie whispered heavily, eyes begging him not to leave her. "Are you fucking kidding me?"
He turned, leaning the rifle against his leg, and bracing her head in both hands. The bruising and dried blood remaining on her nose and lips remined him that just yesterday she had been fighting for her life in the very town they were sneaking around in. He was aware of that truth, but there was nothing he could do about it right now to make her pain any less. They had to survive. Feelings had to be put on a shelf for now, and they had to focus.
"Ellie," he breathed softly. "You have to do this one thing. Alright, just this one thing, and we will get the fuck out of this place. Just this one thing, kiddo, go see if there is a horse and wait for me, alright? I am just going right over there to that small building, see, over there. I will be right back. Don't leave the horse until I come back, got it?"
She nodded wordlessly, her eyes wide and unfocused. He very gently slapped her cheek with his palm. She immediately whipped her head up to look at him, startled and annoyed, and he chuckled.
"Good. Hang on to that anger, you can slap me back later. Focus, keep it together. I will get you out of here in a few minutes."
"Okay."
"Okay. Now go!"
She ducked into the barn, immediately thrown off by the change from the bright white of the snow to the dim, warm shadows of the barn. For a moment, she hesitated, trying to quiet the gasping breath in her lungs, and the panic that threatened to overtake her. The last time she had left Joel in this forsaken town, very bad things had happened. Get the horse. Just get the horse, she chanted to herself, trying to still her chattering teeth, although they were not chattering due to the cold. Moving quickly and carefully, she investigated the long row of stalls, finding them starkly empty. Oh yeah, they were eating people. Obviously, the horses went first. She was almost at the end of the row when a movement caught her attention. A grey stallion stood in the last stall; his long ears pricked forward. He snorted softly, and Ellie moved to take a bridle off the wall. The stallion leaned over the gate to his stall, curiously, making it easy for her to bridle him quietly. He did not protest, and she breathed a sigh of relief.
Maybe they could get out of this hell hole without incident. All they needed was some supplies, if Joel could sneak into the shed undetected, and with the horse, they could get back to Tommy's in good time. No more nights of being cold. No more nights of being hungry. No more nights of – nightmares. Ellie gulped and slid down the stall door to the dusty floor, pulling her knees to her chest and wrapping her arms around them tightly. The horse hung his head over the door, investigating, and nibbled at her hair. She swatted at the mushy nose in annoyance, then jumped when the horse snorted, grunting at the stab of pain in her ribs.
"No, no, shhh, no sorry, come on, you can sniff me all you want, just be quiet!" she exclaimed in a stage whisper, reaching a mittened hand up to the snuffling nose. The stallion examined the outstretched fingers, bristly chin sweeping over her palm, then satisfied there were no treats, it walked away to a back corner and began munching hay.
Ellie breathed a sigh of relief. No one had come to check out the horse's obvious complaint, and she slumped into a heap again. All they had to do was climb onto the horse, ride out of here, get back to Jackson.
Gently, she fingered the wrapping around her ribs beneath her shirt. Duct tape was good for a lot of things, she thought. The ribs were incredibly sore, and every move hurt. She grimaced at the idea of bouncing on a horse all the way back to Tommy's. There just wasn't another option.
What if Tommy asked why she had a busted-up face? What if Tommy asked why her ribs were broken? What if they didn't want a killer among them? Joel had killed people, but that was different. She had enjoyed it. You have a violent heart...
She thought back to the moment when she had come to herself after hacking David's face to pieces. There had been nothing but satisfaction within her that he couldn't hurt her again. Along with a terrible fear of what he had done to her. But the fear inside her still lingered. What is he was right? What if she did turn into a killer? What if she hurt someone innocent? What if she hurt Joel?
He raped you, her subconscious soothed. He deserved it. Who knows how many others there were...
She shoved her hands over her face, trying to make the thoughts stop. Her hands pressed into her covered eyes, sending bright flashes of light into her retinas. Through the flashing, so very much like flames, she saw him over her, leering face grinning like the cat who ate the canary...Fighting is the part that I like the most...
She turned quickly, heaving up her lunch onto the wood floor. The forceful reaction tugged at her battered ribs and tears jerked into her eyes. She couldn't breathe from the sharp pain, and the retching that wouldn't stop.
"Joel," she whimpered, not daring to speak too loudly. "Joel!" The horse hung his head over the door, snuffling in her direction, ears pointed forward. She stumbled to her feet, deciding to go find Joel. She couldn't stay in this silent fucked up place any longer. She swung the gate open and led the stallion out of the stall. He appeared to have not been out in a while, because his ears strained toward the outside, and he eagerly followed Ellie to the barn door.
Just as they reached the door, Joel appeared and they nearly collided. It was all Ellie could do not to scream at the sudden appearance. His eyebrows furrowed when he saw her, and he hefted his rifle.
"Shit, Ellie, you okay? You look like death."
"Feels like it too," she replied in a low voice. "Let's get the hell out of here."
"Alright. I'm ready to go. They are all still over at the restaurant. I don't think they know what to do about the situation. All the guys that knew about us are dead. Don't know if anyone else would come looking for us or not."
"Will they be okay?" Ellie asked, hesitating for a moment. "Won't infected come along and kill them all?"
"Ellie," Joel replied softly, hand on his hip. "We can't save everyone."
She considered for a moment, and sniffed, rubbing a hand across her nose thoughtfully, then startling violently, carefully cradling her face in her hand. "Ah, shit!"
"You okay?" Joel asked, concerned, shouldering his pack.
"Yeah. Forgot it was busted," she replied thickly. Joel nodded sympathetically.
"Alright. On the horse, let's get you the hell out of here."
"Make one more move, and you're dead."
Ellie and Joel looked at each other in consternation at the female voice that spoke from behind them.
They turned to see a dark haired young girl standing there, not much different than Ellie, her face a mixture of fear, sadness, and anger, a long rifle pointed directly at them.
"Hey," Joel said softly. "Miss, we just need to get out of here, okay?" He held up both empty hands in a non-threatening manner. "We were going."
She glanced from him to Ellie, and asked gruffly, "Did you do it?"
"Do what?" Joel and Ellie asked at the same time. Joel waved a hand at Ellie to direct her to be quiet.
The girl frowned at him. "I'm talking to her. Did you kill him."
Ellie immediately stepped in front of Joel. "Yes. I did. I fucking did." Joel plucked at her sleeve and tried to pull her behind him, muttering something about listening to him for a damn minute, but Ellie held her ground.
"Did he - hurt you too?" The newcomer's voice was timid for a second, and Joel's heart ached at the sound. She was just a scared little girl. What kind of debauchery had David been up to in this fucking forsaken town?
Ellie stiffened, her chin raised slightly, eyeing the girl before her. The muscles in her throat and jaw clenched a few times then she spoke in a barely audible tone.
"Yes."
Joel's eyes closed softly, a deep sigh slipping from his lips. The extent of the evilness of the man Ellie had killed swept over him like a terrible dark cloud. She had now fully admitted the harm that had been done, and he felt sick.
"Thank you," the girl replied gruffly, nodding once at Ellie. "Thank you for that. He fucking deserved it. My name's Hannah."
"Ellie." Ellie replied faintly, wavering on her feet a little. Her face was pale and lips quivering as she fought own nausea at the implications of both her words and Hannah's. Joel frowned at her, but did not move, eying Hannah's weapon calculatingly.
"Thank you, Ellie." Hannah hefted the gun. "I will be forever in your debt. Now you go. Take Piper and go. But the man stays."
"Joel - what, shit, no he goes the fuck with me!" Ellie said quickly, her heart rate soaring and panic flooding her. Suddenly, a memory surfaced at the look in Hannah's face, and her mind wandered back to the first time she had talked to David.
He had a daughter just like you.
No. No, no, no.
Turns out, he was murdered... by this crazy man.
"I go with her," Joel spoke harshly, trying to hide his concern in a gruff voice. "No if's, and's or but's."
And get this. That crazy man... was traveling with a little girl.
"You killed my daddy," Hannah rasped at him, her thin hands tightening around the rifle. "You. Killed. Him. And I never even got to bury him!"
You see?
Everything happens for a reason.
"Killing him was my fault," Joel replied evenly. "But you not getting' to bury him, I had nothing to do with that."
Hannah's finger slipped to the trigger, and she took a step forward, ignoring Joel.
"Ellie. Get on Piper and go. Wherever the hell you are going, go there. You've got one minute to be on him and disappearing over that horizon before I fucking blow this guy apart."
"How the fuck am I supposed to survive out there on my own?" Ellie demanded, her face scrunching up in annoyed frustration. "Joel goes with me, or I don't go at all!" In two seconds flat, Ellie lunged at the girl, shoving her backwards. Hannah's rifle flew dramatically through the air, landing several feet away with a clatter. The horse danced sideways away from it, and Joel immediately stepped forward, grasping Ellie's jacket in one hand, and Hannah's jacket in the other, separating them like two children fighting in the school yard.
"Now see here one fucking minute! Stop it, you two!" He growled, looking down at the two young faces below him. Ellie froze, having never heard that tone before from Joel who was usually either soothing her nightmares or grumbling about some shit, and Hannah looked completely startled at the idea of someone else being suddenly in charge. "Ellie, get on the damn horse and stop fucking around. We have a ways to go." He let go of Ellie's jacket and shoved her toward the horse. One glance at his face, and she pulled herself onto the back of the stallion. She gritted her teeth against the pain in her ribs, but she knew that now was no time to show weakness. She choked back the wheezing gasps in her throat and blinked back the stars in her vision and the stinging tears that threatened to fall, and focused on Joel's voice, as the world around her dimmed.
Joel turned back to Hannah, still held by the grasp of his hand. "Hannah, I am fucking sorry that I killed your daddy. But he tried to kill me first, which I did not appreciate. He gave me this," he yanked up his flannel, revealing the still healing stab wound and the multicolored skin around the injury.
Hannah's face paled, and tears leaped into her eyes. She tried to pull away, but Joel twisted his hand into the cloth of her coat even more tightly.
"And he tried to kill my little girl. Your hero David fucking raped her. Now if you don't mind, I am sorry, I truly am, but we have to go. Your daddy brought what happened onto himself and there's nothing I can do about that."
Joel let go of her, and she stumbled backwards. He walked away, leaving her standing there in consternation at the sudden reversal of power, and he strode over to the discarded gun, and emptied the shells into the hay. He tossed the unloaded rifle at her feet and swung easily up onto the stallion.
"I'd take your rifle, but you guys will have a lot of work in the days ahead of you watching for infected. I'd appreciate it if you didn't shoot us in the back."
"Joel," Hannah asked quickly, as he turned the horse away.
He swung the horse around, looking down at the big brown eyes, his furrowed brows formidable. Ellie could not look at him, as it reminded her of those first few days that he and Tess had her. That look of someone who was willing to do something he didn't want to do if it meant survival. "Yep."
"Can I come too?"
"Why, so you can shoot me when my back is turned?" His voice came out rather harsh, and rightly so. But Ellie kicked at his leg and he half turned, frowning at her.
"Joel. Don't go all tough guy. She's a girl too." Ellie stage whispered. He sighed and frowned at Hannah again.
"Well, what's your reason, kid?"
"I- I just don't want to die." Hannah replied softly.
"What makes you think you're gonna die?" Joel scoffed. "If you are as good at handling that gun as you acted earlier then you are all set to defend whatever comes along."
"You don't know what happens to people when they die here."
"They eat people," Ellie offered bluntly, elbowing Joel, and Hannah's face paled. She nodded quickly, unable to meet Joel's eyes.
"D'they eat your daddy?" Joel asked gruffly. Immediate tears sprung to Hannah's eyes again, and she looked away swiping at her face with one hand.
"Sorry about that," Joel grunted. "But after our recent encounter, I'm not keen on taking along anyone else."
"I know," Hannah replied softly. "Alright, go on. Be careful."
Joel nodded once, kicking at the stallion's sides, leaving Hannah standing in the snow, watching them disappear.
She turned away, bitter burning tears welling up in her eyes. Damn that Joel. She couldn't even be mad at him after he had explained the reason for her father's death. It had been a simple case of wrong place, wrong time. These were desperate days, and sometimes desperation cost so fucking much. Her hand wandered to her stomach and she choked back a sob. Only David knew of her dark secret, because after all, he was the one who had caused it. What would the townsfolk do once they realized? It would all be blamed on her, she was sure of it. David wasn't here to stand up for her. Would he have stood up for her? All she knew was that she had to get the hell out of Silver Lake before anyone realized she was pregnant. What if the infected could tell? Would that make the town more vulnerable? Should she stay? Or go?
Her brain whirled with all the ideas, and she fell to the ground, pulling her knees to her chest, and resting her head on her chin. Maybe she could just stay right here for the rest of eternity, frozen until springtime. Someone would probably find her after she was frozen, and then they would eat her, and then they would find out...
A sound behind her snapped her out of her reverie, and she staggered to her feet, turning quickly, empty gun aimed.
There stood Piper, Joel and Ellie perched atop.
"Alright kid. You can fucking come, but I carry the rifle. Fair?"