"Ellie, you need to eat something."
Hannah sat comfortably beside Ellie who sat next to Joel. Ellie's eyes were focused entirely on his face, as if he were the only person in the world. Traces of his blood still tracked across her knuckles and the back of her hand, and she brushed a hand across her face, wiping away a few silent tears.
"Ellie, he will be okay. Just let him rest. He's tough, and he made it before, so you can trust that he will make it again."
"He hasn't moved since right after I started," Ellie whispered, wrapping her arms around her knees tightly. "I hurt him." Hannah sighed.
"I know, Ellie but it had to happen. He's in shock, and the pain caused him to pass out and his body is protecting itself now. We don't have any fucking pain meds for him so his system is handling it the only way it can. With the level of pain he is in, it could be a while before he wakes up again. Come on, Ellie. Please. Eat."
"Can't." she muttered defiantly, picking at a thread on the sleeping bag that covered Joel's shivering form. His teeth chattered, and his breathing was labored, and it took her back to that basement where he lay not so long ago, where she was afraid for him, afraid for herself. "He needs me, Hannah. Fuck, I need him."
"I know, I know. But you have to eat. I can't have you both down sick."
"Look here," Ellie growled, finally tearing her eyes away from Jowl and turning to look at Hannah. "We didn't ask you to come along. Joel and I were doing just fine without you. We've been through hell together and I damn sure don't need you going all bossy on me. You're not my mom. You're dad is the reason that he is in this mess so fuck off and leave me alone."
Hannah faltered, her gaze dropping, and she turned away, moving to sit down in the corner of the room, hunched over her plate, hair falling to cover her face.
Ellie turned away and sat watching Joel who lay silently suffering, and her lips quivered, hot tears pooling in her eyes, blurring his face. Fuck Silver Lake, fuck winter, fuck Cordyceps. Everything had conspired to rip from her everything and everyone she had ever loved.
Ellie carefully lay down and tucked herself into Joel's uninjured side, just as she had before, resting her head on his chest, just to be able to hear his heart beating to remind her that he was still alive.
Burying her face into his side, Ellie cried silently, the kind of sobbing that makes your chest ache and your head pound, and the lights flash behind your closed eyelids, all from the force of silencing the pain of the grief. The gasping of her breath was the only sign to Hannah that she felt anything other than anger at the situation.
But in the corner, Hannah also cried softly into her plate of raviolis, a brokenhearted child who had suffered too, yet had no one to comfort her.
At the moment, fragile Ellie did not care. She only had a heart for Joel.
And at this moment, she was worried that heart would stop, and she too would be alone.
Fuck David.
She awoke to the sound of harshly chattering teeth and a deep groaning coming from Joel. "Fuck! Joel!"
"He's been like that for a few hours," Hannah said softly from his other side. "His fever is very high. I dug around in the rubble and found a travel bottle of Tylenol in the corner by the old coolers. It only had a few pills left in it and they are ancient as shit, but I figured it had to do some good. I gave him one of them, but I don't know if it helped. He seems to be in a lot of distress. We need stronger medicine for him, but there just isn't any out here."
Ellie sat up carefully, stretching out the kink in her neck, eyeing the other girl with misgivings.
"Ellie, I am not trying to kill him."
"How do I know that?" Ellie sat back on her heels, turning her attention to Joel. She reached a hand out for the cloth that Hannah was wiping his slack face with, and Hannah sighed, handing it over.
"Ellie, I wouldn't be that stupid. I'm fucking pregnant and we don't have a horse. We need him. Like it or not, we both need him if we are going to make it."
"I need him," Ellie replied dryly. "You need me. I'm the one who made him go back for you, you know."
"Why?" Hannah asked dryly. "You hate my guts, and I remind you of him. So why? Why drag me along?"
"I don't know," Ellie replied faintly. In truth, she did know. She hated David for his fucking perverted ways, and his threats and his violence. She hadn't been able to save Riley, but this time she was determined to do a little good. All the bad stuff she had done had to be fixed with some good right?
"Well, I for one am glad you did, but Ellie, remember this. I'm not taking him from you. He is your Joel. He isn't mine. I will go my own way when you get to Jackson, you don't have to worry about that."
Ellie frowned at Hannah, trying to keep a tough bravado in the light of Joel's absence to back her up. But it fell flat in the empty space between them occupied by a shaking Joel, and she sighed. "Hannah, there is plenty room in Jackson. You are welcome there. I'm just -"
"Needing Joel. I get it Ellie. I had a dad once too, you know. I actually get it." For a moment they were silent, then Hannah offered, "There's still some ravioli over there, if you want some."
"Not hungry."
Hannah was silent for a moment, then sighed. "Ellie, what would Joel say if he knew you weren't eating?"
"Joel would say get the fuck over there and eat the damn ravioli's but he isn't saying it is he?" Ellie nearly yelled at Hannah. "Just - just shut the fuck up, Hannah."
"Ellie, I am trying to be patient here, and I am fucking sorry that Joel is hurt. And I am fucking sorry that my dad hurt him. And I am fucking sorry that my pregnant ass came along with you. I should have just fucking stayed back there in that hell hole where at least people were halfway civil!"
She shoved herself to her feet and jerked on her coat, striding toward the door.
"Where the fuck do you think you are going?" Ellie asked quickly, frowning.
"I just need some air," Hannah muttered, striding out the door and slamming the door behind her. Joel flinched visibly, and Ellie brushed a hand across his forehead. She was being hard on Hannah and she knew it.
But she was just so damn scared.
Nearly twenty minutes later, Hannah entered again, stomping her boots in the snow. "Ellie, I was thinking, we should probably -" Her voice trailed off as she realized Ellie was sitting next to Joel eating a plate of the leftover raviolis and a happiness spread through her chest.
Ellie paused, glancing at Hannah and tapped her plate with the fork. "Joel's are better than yours. These are shit."
"Very funny, smartass," Hannah grunted, kicking off her snowy boots. "After his beauty rest, he can make them for you." She sat down at his other side again and laid the back of her hand gently on his forehead. "Still fevered, but not too bad. Tylenol may have helped a little. The snow has stopped outside, and it looks like it will be a clear day tomorrow, there isn't a cloud in the sky and the sun is setting. The frost will make the snow crunchy, and we can look for tracks, so we can hunt. He needs food, and better food than raviolis and coffee. He needs meat. He has lost a lot of blood, and we have to build that back so he isn't so weak."
"I'll go," Ellie said quickly, grimacing as she swallowed the last of the ravioli and tossed the plate aside. Not human, she reminded herself. "I've taken down a deer before," she added proudly. Then her face fell as she thought of everything that had happened after the deer. Hannah nodded, choosing not to ask about the glum frown Ellie wore.
"Fine. If you trust me to take care of Joel, then I gladly will, but I have more experience hunting in this area, having lived out here for so long. I think Joel might like it better if he wakes up and you are here. Less fatherly panic and all that shit." She tossed the small bottle of Tylenol at Ellie, who caught it in midair with one hand.
"Thanks." Ellie replied, then hesitated. She didn't trust Hannah completely, but Ellie also knew she was immune, and if she ran into any infected, that would save both Hannah and Joel. But if anyone attacked the gas station while she was gone, Joel could die. She had to protect Joel. And he would definitely lose it if he woke up and Hannah had let Ellie go out by herself. Sure, that had never stopped her before, but Ellie needed to be there for Joel. Not Hannah.
"Alright. But just for a little while. You have a baby to look out for." Ellie glanced pointedly at the visible baby bump.
"I'll be careful, Ellie. You take care of your dad, alright? In about an hour you can give him another Tylenol."
Ellie opened her mouth to correct Hannah's use of the word dad (he's not my dad...), but the words did not come out. She actually had no idea what it was like to have a dad. She had never had anyone, just FEDRA, and they were not exactly known to be kind people. But as she looked down at Joel, who seemed more at rest, she mulled over in her head that idea. He was her dad. She had a dad. What a fucking new concept for her. But the words rolled tenderly though her mind, and she decided that she liked it.
"Will be back," Hannah said cheerfully, shouldering her pack and the rifle she had brought from Silver Lake. "I won't go far."
Hours passed, and Ellie was starting to worry. She had given Joel another Tylenol and he seemed to be resting more comfortably. The wound wasn't running anymore, and he was resting so still and silently, that she had to lean closely to listen for his breathing and heart beat. It was still there, however, and she was grateful.
Just when she was starting to feel like she should go find the other girl, there was a stomping at the door, and it swung open.
"Put down the gun," Hannah said tiredly, shoving the door shut. "Just me." She tossed two rabbits onto the floor, and sat down to pull off her boots. "Not much, but I picked up some tracks up in the tree line, and I think I know where some deer are bedding down. Will stalk it a bit tomorrow morning and see if I can take one. These two will have to do for now," she said, nodding at the rabbits.
"Good," Ellie nodded. "Can I help skin them?" The only way she was going to be able to eat the meat was to help in the processing of it. Joel had said on the way to Jackson that she would be good at the shooting, but maybe not so much the 'dressing', as he called it. Now was as good a time as any to try.
Hannah rested her elbows on her knees and studied the other girl. Ellie's face was open, slightly remorseful, but she would not apologize easily, and Hannah knew that.
It was a truce, a standoff, and they were both just going to have to live with it.
"Sure." Hannah stood, wincing, and holding her side.
"You okay?"
"Yeah. Baby is just not happy today. Keep getting some cramps. Been a rough one for everyone today, I guess."
"You need to eat more. And rest more. And stop fucking traipsing around."
"I know." Hannah sighed, and moved to the small cook stove. "Rabbit for baby and Joel, coming up."
"Hannah."
"Yeah."
Ellie studied Joel's still face for a moment, her lips twitching as she sat there lost in thought. "Sorry. About earlier."
"Yeah. Me too. Ellie, part of me is a little jealous of what you have with Joel. I - I can't help that. But it's a fucking winter out there, and you guys are being kind enough to haul me along with you and the least I could do is be civil to you. I know our town - David - put you guys through shit hell and I - I wish that hadn't happened. So I'm sorry too." She held out a hand. "Truce?"
Ellie nodded. "Truce."
"Thanks. Get your coat, lets go dress these rabbits. We will stay right by the door so you can keep an eye on Joel."
The next two days they spent caring for Joel, keeping him clean and comfortable, giving him what medication they had, dripping water between his chapped lips, and eating the rabbit that Hannah had shot. Late in the afternoon, Joel awoke. At first, he was grumpy, and disoriented, shoving aside the helping hands of Ellie and Hannah as he sat up, leaning on his elbow, favoring his right side. A "Geez, you look like shit pleased to meet you Rumpelstiltskin," from Ellie finally brought him to his senses and he looked down at her, fixing her with his classic annoyed Joel face.
"You get stabbed and see how you feel, you little shit." His tone was harsh but his eyes were crinkled slightly with no malice. He looked around the room, his eyes falling on Hannah, and then his face cleared, a worried expression replacing the annoyed one.
"Fuck. How long have I been out?"
"Three days," Hannah said at the same time Ellie said, "Long enough."
Joel glanced between the two of them. "You two okay? Nothing injured, no attackers?"
"We're okay," Ellie replied, laying a hand on his arm. "No one has found us, and there have been no infected."
He nodded once. "Thought maybe you two would kill each other off while I was out."
Hannah snorted and Ellie rolled her eyes. "Very funny, Joel," Ellie grumbled. "Do you feel like eating? There's some rabbit left."
Joel studied both girl's eager faces and nodded. "Rabbit. You two have been busy. Sure. I'll give it a try."
Hannah fetched the bowl for him, and Ellie took it from her, scooting closer until her knees were touching his thigh, leaning close to help him with the bowl. "Not an invalid, Ellie," he said softly, and she frowned up at him.
"As of ten minutes ago, you were. Just enjoy it Joel, for fucks sake. I need this."
He smirked and allowed her to hold the bowl. Hannah coughed in the corner, and shrugged on her coat.
"I'm going to go check the last of the traps, and see if we caught anything else."
"Now you be careful," Joel started, his face becoming instantly drawn with concern. Hannah smiled gently and glanced at Ellie's back, then pointedly at Joel. His head inclined slightly as he understood what Hannah was trying to tell him.
Ellie needs you.
"Come right back when you are done," Joel added for good measure. Hannah laughed.
"Of course I will, Joel. It's not fucking springtime out there."
Joel sighed. "Fucking teenager sass. Now I got two of them to deal with. Lucky me."
"Heard that," Hannah called, stepping outside. The moment the door shut, Ellie set aside the bowl and launched herself into Joel's arms. He pulled her close willingly, one hand cupping the back of her head.
"I got you. I got you, baby girl."
"Joel," she sobbed breathily into his neck and he raked a hand through her tangled hair.
"Ellie, baby, I'm so sorry, that had to be fucking brutal. Kid, you saved my life and I can't tell you how much I appreciate that, and how much I know you are suffering right now."
"I felt like I was killing you," she murmured, pulling away, looking down at her hands. Blood still lay in the wrinkles of her skin, and she rubbed at her knuckles. "I felt like I was killing you and chopping you into little pieces and I was back there again, and Hannah was all sick because of the baby and couldn't do it and I had to be strong, I had to be strong Joel!" Joel laid a tough hand over hers and squeezed her fingers gently. "Joel, I hurt you!"
"You didn't, baby. You didn't." He shushed her, pressing his cheek to the top of her head. "No, no, you saved me, baby, you did it, and I am so damn proud of you."
At that moment, there was a startled yelp outside, followed by a scream.