The scream, definitely from Hannah, was followed by a gunshot. Joel lunged sideways as if to get up, but the pain in his side stopped him, causing him to grunt in agony and fall backward onto the sleeping bag, gasping for breath. "Ellie!" he exclaimed weakly. "Ellie..."
As if in slow motion, Ellie shoved herself to her feet, tucking her knife into his hand once more like she had back then, and grabbed his rifle. It was heavy and she nearly dropped it as she staggered to her feet in a blind rush.
"Ellie - no -" Joel waved a hand weakly at her, his jaw clenching as he tried to sit up on his good side again. "Ellie, Ellie, wait! Wait - for me."
"I got this, stay there, Joel," she called behind her, jogging to the door of the gas station. Carefully, gun balanced in her small hands, flashlight tucked under her arm, she peeked out a crack in the doorframe. It was nighttime and she couldn't see anything beyond the small circle of light that her flashlight provided. Falling back against the wall, she tried to catch her breath, pulse pounding in her ears. She glanced back at Joel, who was sitting up now, her slim knife nearly dwarfed in his big hand. His chest heaved with the effort, and she could see the desperation in his eyes. Through everything they had been through, they'd had each other's backs. Now that protection was largely one sided, as every fragment of a motion sent stabbing pain into Joel's side and it was all he could do to remain conscious.
Ellie held up a finger, then shoved the door open, disappearing into the darkness beyond.
Her eyes focused quickly on the light, scanning the snow for tracks, but it had been snowing again, and there were none to be seen. Her heart began to pound, and she swept the light across the parking lot of the gas station, searching. Part of her wanted to call out for Hannah, and part of her knew that if there were infected nearby, it would bring them running and she couldn't do that to Joel. He wasn't ready to fight.
"Can't see a damn thing," a quiet voice spoke behind her. Ellie jumped violently, startled, as her brain registered that Joel had managed to come up behind her. He reached out and took the rifle in his larger hands, leaning his weight on his left leg, and scanning the bit of light cast by her flashlight. "She's smart enough to have not gone too far. Come on, stay behind me."
"Joel," Ellie whispered harshly. "You're in no condition to be up. I can do it, please, go back and lay down."
"I'm alright," he grunted, stepping out from under the canopy of the front door. "Just hang close and shine the light."
"Fuck, alright," Ellie breathed in frustration, hovering close to his jacket, one hand grasping the rough material tightly. He paused and reached in his pocket, pulling out her knife and poking it over his shoulder.
"Hang onto that, you may need it."
"Got it," Ellie replied softly, taking her knife with her free hand.
"Keep your eyes open," Joel muttered, sweeping the snow in an arc with the rifle, looking for any sign of Hannah. "She's got to be out here."
The fact that Hannah was nowhere to be immediately seen both unnerved Ellie, and also irritated her a little. Why would she go out in the dark like that, with no protection, in infected country -
"Hold it right there." A man stepped into the light, Hannah's rifle pointed to the right into the darkness. "Don't make a move, man, or she gets it."
"I'm already aiming at you, bastard," Joel grunted. "She's behind me. Trust me, you get it before you could turn that rifle this way."
"Wasn't talking about her," the man chucked, a smooth evil sound. Like David. "Was talking about the pregnant one."
Joel visibly stiffened, as the man turned on the scope light attached to the rifle, illuminating a very frightened Hannah standing in the snow, arms wrapped around her stomach. Her lip was bleeding, and a dark bruise was already spreading across her jaw. "The actual fuck? She's a kid! What did you do to her?" Joel growled, his finger shifting almost imperceptibly toward the trigger.
"Well, thought she was a clicker for one," the man replied easily. "Tackled her to the ground, hence her slightly roughed up condition. Luckily, I noticed she was fucking pregnant before I bashed her brains in. Wouldn't have even known you two were here, except when I had a good grip on her she called for someone named Joel." He smiled grimly. "I'm assuming that's you, fucker. I'm here for a good reason, just needing a place to stay tonight, not asking for trouble."
Joel eyed the battered Hannah and grunted, "You already got trouble, mister."
Ellie leaned against Joel's back, trying to still her shaking hands. It was too familiar, too much like Silver Lake. Except this time Joel was here. Joel had the rifle. Joel was in charge. But Hannah was at the other end of the creep's gun, and all Ellie could think of was Riley.
She's too innocent.
She's just a kid too.
She doesn't deserve to die.
"Look, man," the newcomer tried again. "Just trying to find shelter. Was out hunting and got a bit lost. Infected nearly got my horse last night, and I'm just trying to get back in one piece. He's tied up over there." The man nodded behind him with his head. "Just wanted to find shelter for him and myself so we don't get eaten. Survival, you know, nothing personal."
"Get back where?" Ellie asked, suddenly, poking her head out from behind Joel. He made a frustrated noise and jerked his head at her, commanding she get behind him again. She frowned at the newcomer and stepped back behind Joel.
"Ah, the little girl's just curious," the newcomer chuckled wryly. "No need for her to hide. Hey kiddo, you can come out from behind your dad there. I won't hurt you."
"I'm not her father," Joel rumbled, as Ellie also said "He's not my dad."
"Then why are you listening to him," the man crooned. "Come on out, kid. I'm not gonna hurt you or the old man."
"No one calls him that but me," Ellie called out, grasping Joel's coat again. Joel had shifted his weight to both feet, the muscles in his arm clenching. Ellie knew what he was about to do, and she braced against him to help support his weight from the rifle kickback she knew was coming.
"Look," Joel said to the man, his voice even. "Take the gun off her and we can talk."
The man considered for a second, then lowered his rifle. "Fine. Name's Carl. I live at Silver Lake, back that way. Was part of a three party hunting group. We got hit by clickers down by in the valley, and they got two of us."
"Carl," Joel nodded once. "Why is your arm bandaged."
The man looked down at the white cloth wrapped around his arm, as if seeing it for the first time. "Ah, nothing serious, just a scrape from tumbling off the horse when he spooked at the clickers." His face became hard and blank. "I'm not sick."
Joel nodded. "Okay." His voice was smooth, which Ellie knew to mean he was playing along. The name Silver Lake was going over and over in her head.
He knows.
But then again, how could he?
Maybe he was someone sent out to find them.
Or to track Hannah.
Joel's words interrupted her thoughts, and she forced her racing mind to focus on the moment at hand. "Alright, Carl, let her walk over to me, and we will discuss terms for you stayin'."
"No," the man drawled. "No, I think not. See, I don't do terms. Too damn complicated. I talk facts. And the fact is I am gonna come in there, whether you agree with me or not, because I am not fucking staying out here. So I will humor you. Talk, old man. I ain't got all night"
"You can't take on all three of us," Ellie countered from behind Joel, and Joel elbowed her shoulder.
"Ellie, quiet."
"Ouch, geez, man. Just trying to help. Sheesh."
"Ah," the man replied, amused at Ellie's outburst. "So the kitten can scratch, can it? Taking on you three? Ah, kid, I'm not the least bit worried about that. All I have to do is take out your old man here, and let's just say you two would be mighty submissive with no one to look out for you. Two little girls, all alone, no one to keep them safe. Man, I've seen some pitiful shit these last few years, but man, what a guy wouldn't take to have to little females traveling with him. Must be fun for you, dude, all that pretty -"
"Why you fucking bastard-" Joel grunted furiously, incensed at the man's implications.
It all happened so fast, Ellie wasn't sure who shot first. Two gunshots later, the man lay in the snow, still and silent. The kick of Joel's rifle had nearly sent Joel tumbling into the snow, but Ellie managed to hang onto him. Immediately, she tried to pull on his coat to get him to face her. "Joel, Joel are you okay? Shit, Joel!"
He leaned heavily on her for a moment regaining his footing, then trudged through the snow to where the man lay. He nudged the figure with his boot, and nodded once, satisfied that he was actually dead. He reached down and yanked off the white bandage. In the glow of the light, a very clear bite mark was visible on the stranger's wrist. "Not sick," Joel rumbled softly, annoyed. It was the same place as Ellies, and he sighed. As he turned to look at Ellie, Joel's eyes fell on Hannah. "Fuck, Hannah, shit!"
Ellie followed his gaze to where Hannah lay on the ground, and she bolted toward the other girl.
"Shit!"
She fell down next to her, Joel on her heels. He carefully knelt on the other side, leaning on the rifle, reaching for the girl, who lay still on the ground. His fingers tucked in next to her chin, feeling for a pulse.
For a moment, they both held their breath, waiting. "Did he hit her?" Ellie asked breathlessly, shining the light across Hannah's limbs.
"Grazed her head," Joel replied tensely, cradling Hannah's head in his hands. "She's got a pulse. Light, here, Ellie." In the light of Ellie's flashlight, Joel examined the injury, palpating it gently with his thumbs. "Not deep, just knocked her out. Probably has a concussion."
Ellie glanced at Joel and then at Hannah. "Like what happened to you that time?"
Joel looked at her quickly, studying her for a moment. "Yeah. Like what happened to me."
"Will she live?"
"Depends. Come on, let's get her inside. Then I'm gonna go see if his horse is over there like the bastard said. We got to get her to Jackson, she needs medicine we definitely don't have. If her skull is fractured, her brain will swell, and she will die out here. We have to ride as fast as that horse can take us. Come on, Ellie, I can't carry her."
"Sure," Ellie nodded. She looped her arms under Hannah's arms, letting her head rest on her chest, and carefully dragged the still girl back toward the door of the old station. Joel reached down and tucked his fingers in the cuffs of her jeans and picked her feet up, allowing them to move faster, although it was still quite slow as he was limping and leaning heavily on the rifle to support his injured side.
Carefully kicking the door open, Ellie backed into the station, laying Hannah on her own sleeping bag. Joel nodded, satisfied, and hefted the rifle.
"Make her comfortable. I'll be back."
"Joel, what if there's no horse?"
Joel paused, contemplating. "Well, you better hope there is, or she's going to die."
"Joel, no let me go, you're still healing."
"Gonna be healing for a while, Ellie. Life can't stop."
"Like hell it can't. Joel!"
"Non-negotiable," Joel called back to her, as he went out in the snow again.
Ellie groaned. He was a man's man, and stubborn as an old mule. She sighed, turning her attention back to Hannah. She had no way of knowing if the baby was okay. Hannah could feel the fluttering, when she was awake, but the baby wasn't big enough for anyone else to feel yet. All Ellie could do was wash the blood from her temple, and wait for Joel to return.
A short time later, there came the sound of thumping feet at the door. "Just me," Joel called, shoving the door open and stomping snow from his boots. A grey palomino followed him into the suddenly small space. "Brought him in so he didn't get eaten out there. How is she?"
"Fuck, there was a horse, no shit! She's just been - quiet," Ellie replied, studying the way Joel was moving. "You need another Tylenol?"
"Save it for her," Joel grunted, looping the horse's reins around some metal shelving and coming to Hannah's side. "She's gonna need it. Start packing up."
"What?" Ellie blinked at him. "The fuck, Joel? Hours ago you were laying over there out of your mind, in pain."
"What can I say, I had a good nurse."
Ellie paused. The praise should have made her feel better than it did, but she couldn't focus on that at the moment. "Joel, we are going to - go where, exactly?"
"Jackson," Joel replied firmly, rolling up his sleeping bag using mostly his left hand. "Going to Jackson. Now."
"Joel, we can't! It's nighttime, what about the infected?"
"We will ride past them."
"What? Joel, you got to give me something here. What is this, a kamikaze ride?"
Joel tied his sleeping bag roll to his pack and turned to Ellie, capturing her chin in the palm of his hand. "This is desperation. This is fucking desperation, Ellie. If we don't get her to Tommy's, she will die. Her brain will swell and she will die, and so will that baby."
It's just David's baby.
Ellie caught her breath at the thought, not daring to voice that thought aloud. It was a ghastly, cold thought. But she could feel no love for a child created under the guise of abuse and false love. Hannah seemed to feel differently, but that was her problem. Ellie felt no love at all.
"But what if it's too dangerous," Ellie countered. "You're seriously hurt, Joel. So is she. If we go out there, what happens if it's for nothing, and she dies, and you die because you, I don't know, bleed out or something."
"Have to try," Joel replied, his tone indicating the matter was done, sealed, and closed. He shouldered his pack, and looked down at Ellie. "Come on, kiddo. Stop worrying and just focus. I'm not gonna let that kid die, and I'm not gonna let me or you die either. That horse is going to carry us all night straight through to Jackson, as fast as I can make him go. She's got to make it, Ellie. I'm not losing another one."
Ellie nodded numbly, leaving Hannah's side to gather up their packs and both sleeping bags. How could Joel care this much for someone he had just met? It took him months to see her as something other than cargo! Why did Hannah get something from Joel that Ellie had to fight for?
The truth was, Ellie had changed him. He wasn't the same man that had thrown her into the wall back in the QZ. She was seeing a different Joel.
But it felt one sided, like his love was still more freely offered to others, and it was a bitter taste in her mouth. Maybe he didn't love her as much as he had seemed to before Hannah came along. All that 'baby girl' stuff. Was that just words of guilt, instead of words of love? He was just guilty that she had to kill David, just as he had been guilty when she had shot that soldier to save him weeks ago?
What even was love?
Ellie wasn't sure anymore. Worse, she wasn't sure she ever had really known.
"Let's go," Joel called from the other side of the room. He was tying their packs onto the horse's saddle, and watching Ellie. "Got to move, kiddo. Get your ass up, let's go."
"The name is Ellie," she grumbled, stepping over Hannah and bringing him Hannah's pack to tie on the horse. He also reached for hers, but she put it on her shoulders and gave him a pointed look. He studied her for a minute, then nodded.
"Okay."
Joel patted the horse's side, then returned to Hannah's side, to collect her in his arms. His face was lined and drawn with pain as he shoved her up onto the horse. Ellie instinctively helped, but her throat was still tight with unshed tears and an aching heart.
Joel climbed onto the horse with them, Hannah cradled in his arms. Ellie sat behind him in her usual place, wrapping her arms around his waist. "Joel, isn't the movement of the horse going to hurt you?"
"Maybe," he replied, steering the horse out of the station. "Just hold on, Ellie. No matter what you see or hear, just hold on."
"Okay," she whispered.
It wasn't fair. After all the shit they had been through, Hannah got the easy Joel, the gentle Joel.
Ellie got the tough old man who was hard at the edges and hated life.
It wasn't fucking fair.
As the horse galloped through the snow at a brisk urging from Joel, Ellie burrowed her face into the back of his jacket and in the privacy of the darkness, she let the tears fall.