The door shut behind Joel, and he leaned against it, weight shifted to his left leg. He simply looked at Hannah, his expression steady, unwavering.
He wasn't afraid of her, that much was clear.
Her gaze fell to her hands, twisting in the sheet on her lap. This had seemed like such a brave thing to do moments ago, but there was something guarded, and strong, about Joel's stance, and she vaguely realized why everyone was respectful, even a little fearful of him. He was a tank of a man, rugged, with eyes that said without words that he had seen shit, and wouldn't take shit from anyone.
"Sorry," she muttered, glancing up at him, then back to the sheet knotting between her fingers. "You're scaring me a bit."
His face relaxed slightly, and he sauntered over to the chair Ellie had been sitting in at the bedside, grunting at the lessening of pressure on his aching bones. It had been a long day of climbing on wood framing and he wasn't as good at it as he used to be. It was harder than before, more back breaking, and he was slightly annoyed at the idea.
"Better?" he asked, steepling his fingers, elbows on his knees as he leaned toward her.
She nodded, chewing her lower lip. "Joel?"
"Yep," he replied, squinting at her. "Got something to say?"
"I - I hate you sometimes," she blurted out, unable to look at him, wincing at the way her breath hitched in her throat, the instant hormonally driven tears leaping into her eyes.
"I know." Joel's response was firm, unruffled, and she raised her head to look at him. He sat there, hunched over, dust streaked across his leathery tan face, hair tousled, and those deep eyes. They were kind, and soft as he looked at her. There was no judgement, no malice. Just an openness, a gentleness, that she had not expected.
"You do?"
"Course," he nodded. "You have every right to. I killed your daddy. Hannah, it wasn't on purpose, you have to believe that."
There was something so sincere in his eyes, so real, that Hannah knew he spoke the truth. "I know. I - I just miss him so much."
Joel leaned forward, laying a rough hand over her small one. "Hannah, he took on a risk that he should have thought through. He had a little girl at home, and for some reason he felt that defending her from us was the thing to do. It was just me and Ellie, and we were leaving, we never engaged them at all. They came at us. If he felt that what he was doing was defending you, I can't fault him for that. But I was defending my little girl. I wouldn't change that for nothing. I'm right sorry that he died. I truly am."
Hannah nodded, dropping her chin to her chest. There was nothing else to be done or said. His logic was true. It made fucking sense, even if it still hurt like hell.
"Hannah," he said softly. "I need you to understand something. I - I used to have a daughter. Her name was Sarah." Hannah raised her head, frowning at him. His eyes scanned her face, and he reached into his jacket pocket, pulling out a white handkerchief, and holding it out to her. "Here."
She hesitated, then took it, swiping at her face, hands trembling violently with the emotions she still felt knocking about in her chest. She wanted to run away, yell, punch him in the chest over and over until the horrible pain in her heart faded with the adrenaline that fed it.
He reached out and took the handkerchief from her hands, and nodded at her. "Allow me?"
She nodded, fresh tears slipping down her face, as he carefully dabbed at her pale skin. "There. That's better."
"What happened to Sarah?" Hannah asked, her voice wet and wobbly. Joel smiled crookedly, a sad smile that did not reach his eyes.
"Killed by a soldier while we were trying to flee the city, on the day the infection reached a fever point in our town. Seemed like in a matter of minutes, everything went from normal, quiet little town to raging lunacy and explosions and infected people attacking other people and dying right and left. We tried to make it out, me and Sarah, and Tommy, but it all went wrong, and we ended up on foot. Sarah was injured, and they didn't even investigate how, once they knew, they just tried to mow us down. She - she was hit, and we fell down into this ditch. The soldier followed us, to make sure we were dead, I guess, and he almost shot me too, but Tommy got him first. Sarah, she was bad hurt, blood everywhere. She died, there in my arms. I lost my little girl. Hannah, I wasn't about to lose Ellie. I'm right sorry about your dad. But if I had it to do over again, I would do the same damn thing. Nothing comes between me and her. I promised Tess, I promised."
Hannah's tears fell silently, mirrored in the damp eyes of the man holding her hand, and she vaguely wondered who Tess was. But his face clearly hinted that she was another loss along the way as well, so she did not ask for more information.
"I'm sorry, about your daughter," Hannah whispered, looking down at her hands. "I'm really sorry." Joel's fingers flexed slightly around hers, and he nodded once.
"Me too."
"I - I won't ever bring it up again," she said softly. "I - I'm sorry that my dad attacked you."
"Wasn't your fault," Joel grunted, his face becoming hard and serious. "Don't you ever blame yourself for that. He made his decisions. It's a fucked up world out there, Hannah. Some survive, some don't. It's just the way of the world."
"I know."
"I know you ain't asking me to be be your dad or nothing, but the offer stands. I know it may take some time for you to trust me, and I get that."
"That's just the problem," Hannah replied faintly. "I do trust you. But I feel like - like I'm betraying my dad."
Joel nodded, silent for a moment. "You do what you feel like, Hannah. Just saying our door is open to you with me and Ellie. Or you can get your own place, or fit in with some of the other folks. Tommy and Maria would be happy to help you find -"
"I accept."
Joel did a double take for a moment, mouth open, mid sentence. "You- you do?"
"Yeah," Hannah replied, a slight smile quirking up the corners of her lips at the innocent surprise on his weathered face. "I accept. Joel, I know you're a good man. I can see that. I am not afraid of you. I'm just trying to find where to put all the pain. You know how that goes. It'll take me some time, but I will get there."
He straightened, looking at her for a moment. "Alright." He patted her hand. "When you are well enough to break you out of this joint, let me know. Your home is our home."
Hannah nodded her agreement, and Joel stood. "Can I get you anything before I go, kiddo?"
She shook her head. "No, but thank you. Maria will be by soon with the nurse."
"Okay. Rest easy."
"Alright. Joel?"
He paused, a hand on the doorknob. "Yep."
"Thanks for saving my life."
He smiled, a genuine, warm smile. "Anytime, kiddo. Now rest. I mean it."
She watched Joel leave, closing the door quietly behind him, and then she let the tears fall. Tears of pain, tears of heartbreak, tears of fear, tears of joy.
It's amazing how many tears a single broken heart can still hold, even after being broken over and over and over.
Ellie saw Joel enter the restaurant, glancing around the room as if looking for her, and relief flooded over her. She slid off the bench, right in the middle of Tommy's story, and rushed to Joel's side. "Hey, come on, the cider's good. I saved you some."
"Thank you," Joel chuckled, putting an arm around her shoulders. "That was kind of you, ma'am, making sure the old contractor doesn't miss out on the finer delicacies of life." She hit his arm, playfully annoyed at being called ma'am.
"Ow!" He whined. "You dare to hit a senior citizen?" He shot her a fake injured face, then shoved her away just as good-naturedly.
"Hey, no fighting," Maria laughed, as she passed them with a covered crate. "Makes other people think they can roughhouse and get away with it. Do that in the barn, not at the table."
"But we aren't at the table," Ellie replied mischievously, plastering herself against Joel's side. He willingly slipped his arm around her waist, holding her close as Maria paused by the door, giving Ellie a motherly warning look.
"Fine, fine." Ellie held up her hands in mock surrender, and Joel laughed above her, the voice in his chest rumbling comfortably in the ear she had pressed against his rough jacket.
"I will keep her in line, Maria, don't worry."
Maria raised one eyebrow. "Why doesn't that make me feel any better. Joel, you are just as bad as her."
"Not as bad," Joel rumbled, shaking his head. "Get that food over to that girl, I'm sure she and baby are ready for it. Come on, kiddo, the old man is starving." He moved toward the table, Ellie at his side.
"So you admit you are old," she smirked up at him, eyebrows waggling at him in victory. He winced as he frowned down at her.
"I earned this whole being old thing, you little shit." He shoved away slightly, as he seated himself at the table where Tommy still sat, half smiling at them.
"So, she didn't kill you," he said, as soon as Joel and Ellie sat down. Joel frowned at him.
"Was she going to?"
"Most likely not, but Ellie here was pretty worried," Tommy chuckled, passing the pitcher of cider to Joel. "She's been watching that door ever since she got here, waiting for you. Was absolutely no help getting dinner on the table, but that's to be understood, I suppose."
"She will help clean up," Joel rumbled, looking at Ellie, who looked a little bashful. "But she was alright to be worried. It's okay, though. Hannah's going to be alright, we talked it out."
"Promise?" Ellie asked, brows furrowed still in concern. Joel patted her head.
"Yep. She's okay. Just hurt and hormonal and trying to piece herself back together. It'll take time. She's lost a lot. But once the baby comes, she will be fine. She will have that to keep her going."
"You know as well as I do," Tommy added, looking meaningfully at Joel. "Sometimes it just takes something needing love to glue you back together. Might be a bit rough and a damn haphazard mess of a glue job, but it's still glue. Purpose has a way of doing that to a broken person."
Ellie spent the next week keeping Hannah company, telling her all about the QZ and FEDRA and the Fireflies. She reread puns over and over until they were laughing hysterically because they weren't even funny anymore, made sure she had food, and blankets, and that she wasn't alone. Maria came sometimes, to bring food, and Tommy and Joel would stop in after work to update them on the barn building.
"The doctor says I can leave tomorrow," Hannah said conversationally, glancing at Ellie who was carving a figure out of a stick of soft wood. "Did Joel talk to you about me staying with you guys?"
"Yes, we made one of the downstairs rooms into a bedroom for you. Tommy helped, and Maria. It used to be the dining room, but no one uses those anymore. There was enough room to make one side of it into a nursery for the baby. You'll have plenty space, and it's on the ground level so you won't have to be going up and down stairs with a baby belly."
Hannah laughed. "I sincerely appreciate that. You have no idea. Ellie, you're like a sister to me now. I really didn't know what it was like, until you guys came along. I never really knew what family was like. I hate what happened, but I am glad it brought me you guys."
Ellie nodded. "Same. I hated you at first. Thought - well, I thought that maybe Joel would-"
"You were jealous?"
"Yeah."
Hannah laughed outright. "Oh, Ellie, that makes me feel so much better. No, girl, I'm not taking your place. That man loves you fiercely. I would never get between you two. I'm just happy to have a place to stay, with people who won't hurt me. It's a first, and I am truly grateful."
You wouldn't have hurt me.
Her own words to Joel flashed back into Ellie's mind, after that terrible day in Silver Lake. After David.
And an awful realization dawned on her, driving the blood from her face.
"Fuck."
"What is it?" Hannah asked quickly, worried at the sudden change in Hannah's demeanor. "What happened? Ellie?"
"Fuck...fuck, fuck fuck, Hannah, fuck!"
"Ellie!" Hannah exclaimed, grabbing Ellie's arm in hers. Her hand closed around the winding scar on Ellie's wrist, and her eyes grew wide. Her glance drifted down to the hand that she held, her own face paling. "ELLIE?"
"No, no I'm not sick," Ellie panted, forcing her own terror to the side, to calm Hannah. "It was a long time ago, ask Joel! Back before Joel, before all this."
"You - you-" Hannah's voice choked in her throat, and she couldn't take her eyes off of Ellie's wrist. Ellie jerked her hand away, and grasped Hannah's shoulders.
"I'm immune, Hannah! Immune. Yes, I know its fucking crazy, but that's how we ended up in Silver Lake. We were headed out west to the Fireflies. They were working on a cure, and needed my blood to test to see if they could make one."
Hannah was breathing heavily in short gasps, her eyes unfocused in shock, and burrowed her face in her hands. "Ellie!" She wailed, shaking her head. "Ellie, no, I just got a sister, why can't I ever keep anyone I care about?"
"HANNAH!" Ellie jumped onto the bed, straddling Hannah's legs, and taking her face in her hands. "Look at me. Look. At. Me. It's a secret, you can't tell anyone, we can't tell anyone. I am immune. I was bit a long time ago. With my friend Riley. She turned, I didn't. I had to fucking kill her because she went crazy and I didn't. It's okay, it's fucking crazy, but it's okay. I'm not sick, never got sick. Trust me. If you don't trust me, ask Joel. He will tell you the same thing."
"Promise," Hannah demanded roughly, grasping Ellie's hands that still rested around her face, and squeezing them desperately. "Promise me!"
"I promise, Hannah. It's not a lie. It's a fucking weird ass thing, this immunity, and no one understands it, but it happened. Marlene said my mom got bit before I was born. Something about antibodies or some such shit."
Hannah's face calmed little by little, as she considered Ellie's words. "Who's Marlene?"
"A lady with the Fireflies who took care of me when I was a baby. She was there when my mom died. That was like months and months ago."
Hannah rubbed the back of her hand across her face, then she was laughing, half hysterically. "That's so cool, though. You're like a fucking superhero."
Ellie tilted her head to one side. "I guess. Shit, that's fucking awesome."
Hannah fell back against the pillows, exhausted. "So who all knows about this weird superpower of yours?"
"Just Joel and Tommy. And now you," Ellie shrugged. "We can't tell anyone else because they might not understand."
Hannah nodded. "I won't tell anyone."
"Good. Cause I would fucking hate to get shot at this point. I got to meet your baby." As the words left her mouth, her face dimmed again, and a strange panic flitted over her features.
"Ellie?" Hannah sat up again, grasping at her friend's arm. "Ellie, what's wrong? What is it?"
"I didn't get my period," Ellie replied faintly, her gaze drifting from the corner of the room to Hannah's face. "It's been weeks. And I haven't - Hannah..."
Ellie whimpered and bolted from the room, slamming the door, ignoring Hannah's desperate shouts to stay. "Shit," Hannah swore. She carefully climbed out of bed, wrapping the sheet and her throw blanket around her body for warmth, and stumbling toward the door. Her head was still dizzy, but she felt strong enough, and she paused, glancing around. No shoes. Well, barefoot it was. She had to get to Joel. Had to send him after Ellie. Had to go now, it couldn't wait.
She stumbled through the snow, ignoring the freezing dampness of the slush, and trying not to fall, heading toward where she could hear men yelling amicably to each other, along with the chorus of hammers and saws. She rounded the corner of the old barn, and there before her stood the framework of the new one. It was an inspiring sight, after the fighting to survive part of life, to see so many people working together as a team. She leaned against the corner of the old barn, shivering violently. Her eyes searched for Joel through the dizziness, and finally saw him perched on the roof with Tommy, nailing support beams onto the trusses.
"Joel!" she shouted, surprised at how weak her voice sounded in the great outdoors. "JOEL!"
Joel turned and his eyes searched the ground for who had called his name, freezing in place at the sight of the pregnant girl, in a nightgown, wrapped in a sheet, barefoot in the snow. "Shit. Tommy!" he bellowed, lunging for the ladder.
Tommy turned to see what had excited his brother, but Joel was gone, already climbing down the ladder. A couple of the men on the ground had seen her too, and moved toward her, but she backed away, eyes wide, suddenly afraid of how many men there were. Focus, she scolded herself. These are all good men. Joel. She just had to get to Joel.
As soon as his boots hit the ground, Joel was running toward her, pushing the other men aside, Tommy right behind him. "Shit, girl, what the hell are you doing out here!" He immediately scooped her up in his arms, glancing down at her red, wet feet. "What the actual fuck?"
"Joel, Joel," she gasped, grasping his jacket collar. "Listen to me, please, please listen!"
"Not now, kid, whatever you've got to say can wait. You have to get right back to the clinic right the fuck now. No shoes, no coat, are you trying to die? Tommy, let's go, get Maria!"
"No, no," she pleaded urgently, pulling at his jacket. "Joel, you have to listen to me."
Joel had begun striding away from the build site, and once out of earshot of the other builders, he spoke again, his voice thick with emotion, and rough. "You better have a fucking good reason to be out here, young lady. This is a stupid move, a real good stupid one."
"I had to get to you right away," she implored, her voice broken. "And no one left any fucking shoes for me. Joel, it's about Ellie."
He stopped in his tracks at that piece of information, Tommy coming to his side, both of their faces immediately drawn with worry.
"What's wrong with Ellie? Hannah, where is she, what happened?" Joel looked as desperate as he sounded, and Tommy wasn't much better off.
Tears were falling down Hannah's face again, and her voice was chattering with cold as she replied, "I don't know, she ran out of the room. I don't know where she went, but Joel - she may be pregnant."