The Horse with No Name

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Storm Ashnah

There's a bitter serving of satisfaction that next morning. Dark-eyed, pallid but nonetheless alert, Gohan leans over the breakfast table and reaches for yet another boiled egg, listening with feigned sympathy as their sudden houseguest sits before him, his dad and surprisingly, Piccolo.

Behind the mountain of fried noodles, Shin relays his tale.

The World of the Kais had been attacked last night.

This doesn't ruin Gohan's appetite however. He unravels the egg from its shell, ever slower when he notices Piccolo watching him over the table, hawkeyed.

"As soon as I returned, I knew something to be amiss," Shin says, "Hysteria amongst the kai is rare and yet never have I seen such frenzy as last night. Lines of kai guards laid dead, blood still warm, as before them, the Ostentatious Chamber of Relics had been liberated of every artefact stored within its walls. Ancient relics – older than even I – have been purged, taken to who knows where, destroyed perhaps. It's… a mess on a grand scale and an insult to kai heritage and history."

"I'm so sorry."

"Me too, Goku. So many colleagues – friends – were…" Shin coughs, pausing until measured. "Well, it just complicates things further, doesn't it?"

Gohan takes a bite out of his egg, saying nothing.

"We'll get 'em."

"Yes, I do hope so."

"Do you think they were after something in particular?" Piccolo asks, thinly so as he attempts to veil his disgust at the food, resulting in Gohan's petty gratification and another generous nibble.

"Weren't they just after the relics? That's been their thing, right?"

The Supreme Kai nods. "You're both correct to a degree. Whilst it's the belief that the Zealites aim is to acquire any relic they can come across, the council speculates that there had been an effort to come into the possession of several particularly precious relics; the identity of which I can't disclose to you today. I, um, I do apologize."

They didn't get the super dragon balls, then.

There's a nervous chortle from Dad. "Part of me doesn't want to know but, are they dangerous… these mystery relics?"

Shin nods, grim. "Very. But, they are safely in kai custody as of right now so I would not worry."

"They took the Z Sword," Gohan feels slip from him. "Nothing is safe."

Or no one...

"Yes..."

Gohan feels the contraction of anger in the pit of his stomach once more. He's spent the better part of the night trying to quell it, to reason with it. The shock of the situation is still fresh and to say that the truth behind Famis' demise had thrown him is an understatement. So many… feelings had warped him at once and Gohan had felt like half the person he'd been only moments prior to finding out. Unhinged rage – borrowed fury not his own – had come to life so instantly that it'd scared him. Gohan hadn't even known Famis, so why had he felt so bothered?

Why is he still so bothered?

Gohan sucks in a breath, crumbling any remaining eggshell into dust between his fingers.

"I'm sure it'll turn up," he manages levelly, smiling as best he can. "A little optimism goes a long way and the future is any man's, right?"

"Right." Shin returns the warmth weakly.

"Y'know, it's got me thinking," Dad begins, "The Zealites could have used the locked up soldier as a distraction yesterday. You had a lot of eyes on that guy after all. Beerus was there. Quell too. I don't think anyone was looking at what was going on at the kai world so that left you guys kinda' open."

"Yes. That's an established theory we're considering too. The condition of a captured comrade is an ample opportunity to misdirect attention. They, as you earthlings put it, threw their soldier under the bus on this one."

"Their own friend… How horrible."

Gohan sighs, not out of sympathy for the fallen Zealite, but instead for his tender-hearted father, a person too righteous and pure to be involved in a shit show like this. Such cruel individuals are past his dad's understanding. No person is beyond saving. No individual is unable to take a redeemed path. Dad would be crushed by the reality of what controls this universe.

Gods are not holy. Kais are not pure. Death stains red indiscriminately on all hands.

And currently, the hands of the kais singe with enflamed guilt Gohan feels unable to forgive.

Really, sitting here over fucking pork, eggs and noodles on a wintery morning like it's a daily occurrence is infuriating. The kais stole something they had no right taking.

Gohan's hand clenches around the other, steadying it.

"Don't think too much on it, Gohan," Shin consoles, misplacing the emotion oh so very wrongly. "I know it's not a nice thought so let me remind you that you're welcome to retire from the conversation should it become too heavy."

"I'm fine."

Dad strikes a fist down. "You know what I hate about the Zealites? They just sneak around and act all mysterious-like. At the risk of sounding like Vegeta, it annoys me that they don't have enough pride to just face us head on, y'know?"

Gohan scoffs. "Why fix what's not broken? They've succeeded in every altercation so far. Clearly, it's working for them."

"Yes. As frustrating as it may be, their tactic of utilizing their anonymity is providing results. Not everyone subscribes to your codes of conduct unfortunately."

With little to add, Dad takes up a pork cutlet, biting at it with puppy-like sadness.

Piccolo strains his fixture off of Gohan, finally. "So, where do we go from here?"

"Until the council pinpoints their base of operations, I suppose we will just have to see the Zealites' next move."

Gohan's eyes close, slow.

Or mine.

Famis had been his brother, regardless the feelings or lack there-of between them, and so as a result, Gohan has been denied their relationship this time around; all because the kais felt it their right to remove him, as though they're above any previous agreements made between kais and gods, as if they can do whatever they want without repercussion. By what right do they have to do such a thing?

And, by the Almighty, if Gohan is this mad, just how will Quell react?

God…

How will Quell react?

Gohan never expected to stumble across a titbit of knowledge that could, well, change everything. All he wanted to do was help his family and move on; it'd originally been so simple in his mind, yet over the weeks, things have grown more and more complicated. Where will Gohan have to draw a line? There's going to be a moment when Gohan will have to choose which path to walk down; one aligning with Earth and his family or another with, well, his other family and his role as a God of Revelation.

And still, beyond all this, Gohan has his own ideals and a path he wants to carve out for himself.

All that will change should he tell Quell. Carnage would be imminent. No kai would be spared. Gohan knows his brother well enough to realize the lack of mercy would be the undoing of interrelationships between kais and gods as it is known.

Yet, why shouldn't it be? Some part of him thinks it should happen. The kais murdered Famis. Even Shin has been lying, right to Quell's face. Why should they all get along under a farce? The kais deserve to face this. Actions have consequences.

But what consequences would arise from Quell's fury?

Gohan's always considered Shin a friend, kai or not. He's always thought him to be as righteous as can be, perhaps as much as Gohan himself, but even he is involved in this. If Shin is the best of them then what does that say about the others? He's attended so many meetings and always tried to make real change.

"Anyone who thinks sitting in one of the meetings of the kais makes you virtuous must also think that sitting in a garage makes you a car," Quell had once wisely told him. "Think the worst of them as not to be surprised."

"A little optimism goes a long way. I'd like to have an open mind on these people," he'd returned.

"The trouble with having an open mind, Mori, is that people will insist on coming along and try to fill it with drivel."

Gohan groans. He presses his face into his hands. An immature part of him hopes hiding will make everything go away. It doesn't.

I want to talk to you, Brother. I need your advice.

There's a tap at the table in front of him. A teacup has been placed.

"You should just tell me what's going through your head," Videl says, melting opposite into her luxurious armchair. "Stop bottling it up."

"I'm fine."

The tea is sipped; it's perfect.

"You're welcome here as long as you need to stay but I think you at least owe me some info." She smiles, sardonic. "See it as rent."

Today, Videl is working from home due to the oncoming storm, Storm Ashnah. The winds are bitter but not dangerous. She could have worked from the office. She likely stayed in a bid to keep him company, or just as likely; to badger him out of his secrets like any expected lawyer should try. She's been giving it a good go to get him to open up since yesterday when he'd arrived, bag in hand. Admittedly, he's weak to her. The temptation to spill everything has him consider that this might not have been the best place to come after all, that perhaps those terrible, obnoxious bunny slippers she keeps nudging him with are simply too endearing.

Haruto is as much the same as she is. When Videl had gone to bed last night, he'd thrown Gohan a beer (Which he hates in whatever body he's occupying but he's a grateful guest so he drank it regardless). He'd tried his best, man to man, in getting Gohan to have a good cry, again to no avail.

The scope of it, as he'd told both of them, is that he just needs to be away from the Son house and Fire Mountain at this moment in time. Gohan needs breathing room. Gohan needs to think. He needs to plan things out without any baggage dragging him down or guilt being lumbered onto him. And the only non-insufferable candidates had been them (and perhaps Bulma and Trunks but considering that they live with Vegeta then that's also a no-go).

Krillin had told him that he's welcome at his place whenever, once over milkshakes they'd gotten when meeting up after one of his police shifts. Marron had been there, slurping on a vanilla shake bigger than her head and gluing herself to Gohan's side, eyelashes fluttering enough in his direction to make him uncomfortable. Gohan swears Earth kids are acting older these days. She'd demanded a selfie before leaving, bringing on waves of laughter from Krillin as he ("I can't believe I get to explain this!") informed the importance of a nine year-old documenting every single moment of her life. Still, Marron aside, Eighteen probably wouldn't appreciate a houseguest only weeks after moving into their new home. The escape from Master Roshi must have her leaping for joy. Gohan wants her to have all the leaping room she deserves.

So Videl is the lucky hostess. She gets to pry as much as she likes, but Gohan isn't sixteen anymore and getting what she wants from him would be akin to getting blood from a stone. It's cute to see her try, though.

"Maybe I should try getting you drunk," she jokes, "Next time, I'll spike the tea."

She never does however, undoubtedly because his mother would sense it and send a hitman, that and because being drunk would bring a semblance of momentary peace and the universe cannot allow for that.

For his stay, he's offered a visually loud guestroom, one decorated in the flavour of Haruto's strange obsession with contemporary music. Questionable posters of oddly dressed band mates watch Gohan as he stares out of the window, likely judging him for being such the "normie" Haruto keeps insisting he is. Fortunately, the spectacle inside doesn't rival outside as the room overlooks the dizzying brightness of the city and far over the black of the nearby bay. Soon, Storm Ashnah will have her way as to bring chaos upon it. For now, he'll admire the view. He's seen many skylines but this one feels special. As the Great Saiyaman, he'd look out over it, feeling invincible as he'd stumble across a sorry lowlife preying upon an unsuspecting citizen. Gohan had always thought their aim was to rob the women. Only experience has him understand the darker reality.

He sighs, feeling incredibly old.

In the black, his reflection comes into focus to remind him that he appears quite the opposite. How, despite looking like he's been dragged through a hedge backwards, he is baby-faced and a relic of a naïve age. And whilst the image feels less foreign than weeks ago it's still a world away from who he is, who he needs to be.

Absently, Gohan reaches up and strokes at his ear.

It's still weird not to have my earing… It's still weird not to be me.

This body won't last much longer, at least. Then he will be himself once more and free of his earthly duties. With stern words said to both of his parents, Gohan feels like he's done as much as he can here. He's said his piece. Only Goten can determine how he steps up after Gohan leaves, parental support or not.

It hurts his heart to think about. His baby brother…

Trunks is a good kid. He'll be there for him. Bulma is decent too. Maybe Gohan should speak to her and Krillin to ask them to keep an eye on –

No, that'll just draw suspicion.

Gohan can't afford for them to know about his leaving just yet, not when he has the superpower of anonymity; a power that will draw out more information to get a clearer picture. He'll do as much as possible before he makes his own position known and his motives clear.

For now, he'll talk with Eyrelle. To what degree does she know the truth about Famis' death? Like Roarg, Myra and even that asshole, Cross, she's as faithful to the Almighty and her respected lord as can be. If that's the case then this information would place her in Gohan's camp; marking her as an undisputed ally going forward. She's already been liberal in sharing what she knows with him. This might be enough to really make use of her. She'll be Gohan's personal insider and possible key against the kais should it come to it.

The true dark horse of the game remains to be his father, however.

At least he's thinking things through instead of charging forward.

Gohan had recognized something unseen in his dad before: doubt. Dad is unsure of the situation. He's concerned and with good reason. With what his father has witnessed it's natural to feel unease working with the kais. Trust is wobbling like a decaying tooth. Some light pulling and twisting on Gohan's part might have his dad and the Earth secure freedom.

Beerus is another player worth watching, and Haed too should he become involved. Quell is a beast of his own but Gohan thinks he won't be indomitable. And of course Gohan hasn't forgotten Zamasu.

Then there are the Zealites and their leader…

The first twinkle of Storm Ashnah's snow lands on the window, then another and another. White descends upon the city in hues of violet; a chill follows as the encroachment of winter feels very real.

Gohan's rest is over.

It's early in the year to see snow but Goten welcomes it. The clean sheets claim the swooping hills around Fire Mountain, draining it of its dreary brown and grey rockery and instead providing something truly picturesque. Even Trunks, hater of anywhere without WIFI, appreciates the glisten of virgin snow, if only because he takes great pleasure in trampling it.

Actually, Trunks seems to thrive in the winter, which is good because Mum has them both on defrost duty; a job that requires the two to put their ki to good use. Car by car, house by house, they lightly fizzle away sludge-like ice to help the locals around the castle. Trunks takes explicit satisfaction in de-icing the roads, practically purring as the white bursts into steam straight from the tarmac.

"It's like popping bubble-wrap but a million times better."

There's applause from residents when the final road is cleared. Trunks gives a low bow and Goten offers a curtsey.

Nevertheless, the encroaching of the biggest storm of the year doesn't prevent his mum from sitting them down in the study to focus on schoolwork. While, yes, Goten's grades have risen in recent times, it's not to a standard expected and unless he breaks the top fifty students listing then better grades are simply not good enough. Trunks (king of not cramming) has a far easier time with it all and spends most of the afternoon distracted, dicking about and talking about anything non-study related.

"At least your mum isn't riding your case about being in Art Club."

Goten's nose is touching his maths book. "Mmm…"

"I'm surprised she's still letting you go. Gohan spoke to her about it, right?"

"I 'unno."

"And that's why he left; 'cause they fought?"

"He said he just wanted space."

"'Definitely 'cause they fought… What do you think?"

"Message him and ask him yourself."

When he looks over Trunks is making a house out of his books. How does this guy get straight A's?

"Gohan sucks at replying," comes the slacker, "He also types like that of ye olden times."

"Then I don't know."

"He's at Videl's, right? That's weird." The house collapses. Papers strew everywhere. "Tell me that that's weird."

"I've said that it's weird like forty times," Goten snaps, "If your dad and my dad weren't such dicks the other day then Gohan could have just continued to stay at the family house."

Trunks hums. "Yeah, I've never seen Gohan that mad before... Between him and all the holy bible fanfiction bullshit being spouted at the meeting last week, I don't know what's freakier. The idea of more gods – people like Beerus – becoming involved is worrying as hell."

Goten drops his maths book. "Dad is worried too," he mutters, "He isn't saying it but I can tell."

"Same for good ole' Vegeta. He's been in his throne room more than usual." Trunks leans against his mess, lips pursed and eyes round like a small boy's. "Hey, um, so… Do you think we should start training, too?"

The very idea repulses Goten. "No."

"I mean, it's all getting serious again, like Buu."

"This isn't like Buu. Dad has said so."

Trunks doesn't reply, growing quiet and saying nothing else until Goten deems it time to call it a day on his work. It's not brought up again but Goten can tell that Trunks is steadily becoming more anxious on the matter. The topic of Gotenks comes up several times over the next few days and he can't help but wonder if Trunks is hinting at something.

Over such days, Dad drops by a couple times and talks at him. Goten thinks that it's because he's expecting Gohan to turn up, but the third time he shows his face makes Goten think that it may not be the case. It has been established that Gohan's not here (Dad even comments on it) so why does he loiter?

Goten nearly chokes on his cola when Dad asks him such a ridiculous question, face stony and serious.

"My favourite colour?" Goten repeats, perplexed.

"I wanna' know."

"Why?"

The flash of determination makes Goten think that Gohan did more than just speaking to Mum.

And what? Is he supposed to be thankful? If anything, it's annoying. Does Gohan think he can just make it all better? Really, how arrogant do you need to be to just waltz in and try and take control of everything after being away for years?

The audacity has Goten fuming. Trunks calls it an overreaction, but he doesn't know what it's like to be stuck in the middle of all this. It's tiring to be looked at with expectant gazes, all whilst he's unable to deliver on either of his parent's wishes. He's not smart (like Gohan) nor is he strong (like Gohan). And apparently, he's not compassionate (also like Gohan) because he would have never have thought to reach out on someone else's behalf. The guy is completely falling apart, hacking up and having nose bleeds every other minute, yet he still has time to think about Goten's needs.

Ugh.

Why is Gohan so perfect when Goten can barely function?

Something surely isn't right. Gohan is just… too perfect. He's trying a little too hard. Goten may not be the smartest tool in the shed but he isn't stupid either. Something feels off.

This discontent nurtures when Goten next stumbles across his brother only a couple of days later.

It'd been a surprise to see Gohan at Capsule Corporation. Goten always goes over to Trunks' place on Wednesdays after his club class as they both finish around the same time, often to do homework together or play video games. But this time, they'd both shared similar looks of bewilderment upon hearing Gohan's voice coming from the living room, not that Trunks had at all minded. He'd bounded into the room like an excitable schoolgirl stumbling across her crush, smiling, bag discarded and homework forgotten.

Goten had settled on an awkward wave and that had been that.

Unexpectedly, Gohan hadn't reacted much to either of them. There'd been that flat smile Goten is used to seeing (that no one else apparently recognizes as fake), as well as an uninspired greeting. As for the reason for his visit, Bulma had been sat opposite and working on some small device Goten couldn't see well enough to identity.

It's probably his stupid superhero watch, he'd thought before excusing himself to go upstairs.

It'd been only moments later that Trunks had followed, somewhat crestfallen.

As so it turns out, Goten had been right. Bulma tells him that Gohan has stopped by several times this week to check up on the Saiyaman watch's repair, thoroughly interested enough to hang around whilst she works.

"You're such a dork," Trunks jokes when Gohan turns up on Friday.

Because Goten doesn't like the jovial atmosphere, he questions, darkly; "How's Videl?"

"Oh… She's fine? I've been helping her with one of her cases. The storm has her working from home most of the time. I think that's an excuse because it's not even bad yet." Despite the displayed ignorance, Gohan knows exactly what he's doing here.

"And Haruto?"

"Less fine. He's depressed that I finally beat him at Tekken."

Trunks may have found it funny but Gohan has no right staying where he shouldn't be. Videl is going to be married soon and, well, that's not to Gohan so he shouldn't be overstepping. He should be at home and going to school like Goten.

Instead, he's just floundering around as he likes while nobody tells him what to do. Are they scared of his reaction, another suicide? They can't pander to him forever. Goten won't. And maybe that's why Gohan's suddenly acting several degrees cooler with him; a distance has been born between them and Gohan isn't even fighting it. Ever since Gohan walked in on him and Mum arguing it's been different. Venting at his brother had felt good at the time but he feels like he's paying the price for it now. Still, he can't stop his tongue.

"Mum misses you," Goten stabs.

The accusation is obvious but Gohan barely looks up from his lame magazine. "I spoke to her on the phone last night."

"She still misses you."

"I know."

"So shouldn't you come home?"

"Not yet."

"You're making Mum sad."

This time, he does offer his attention. "Do you miss me, Goten?"

Ugh.

How does the jerk know how to tongue-tie him each and every time? Goten wants to shout at him and tell him that he doesn't even though he kind of does. Sometimes, Goten wants to pretend that Gohan never existed in the first place, and other times, he just wants him home - not just because he wants someone to be there for him but because Gohan is actually fun. He likes to joke and is easy to be around; there's lightness to his company, one which puts Goten at ease in a way not even Trunks can.

Then why am I so angry at you?

The confliction is killing him.

He'd heard Gohan blow up at Dad not long ago after he and Vegeta had started arguing. Gohan's storming out of the meeting just to run headfirst into Goten has never been brought since, but Goten remembers that cold sneer stretched across his brother's face. He remembers how alien it'd looked.

He also remembers how ashamed it'd made him feel.

"Not so perfect, huh?"

Goten knows he can be bratty. He's immature; a reason someone like Videl could never like him, and so Gohan's words had stung as much as they did because it'd just reminded Goten of how much he can act like a baby. His brother is a smart person. Reading Goten's petty feelings against him must have come naturally, even easier after Goten exploded at him that night at Fire Mountain.

How embarrassing.

So why can't I stop being an asshole?

"Don't you think it's weird that he's been going to yours all week?" Goten mentions to Trunks at school, "Especially seeing as it's just to watch your mum work on that watch."

"He's bored, obviously. I bet he's eager to get his watch so he can do his superhero stuff. Besides, Mum enjoys the company. She's always liked him."

"Right..."

Goten's visit on Sunday, however, provides a different theory.

Gohan is already at Capsule Corporation, but instead of being hunkered over scrap metal and nerdy magazines, he's nestled outside in a corner by one of the storage sheds with someone Goten had least expected. It's that kai girl, the one that had taken Gohan aside to apologize weeks ago; Eyrelle. As she talks, his face is tightly drawn with stress lines running along his forehead. He nods, withered and sullen-looking as she continues to speak, saying who knows what because, really, what does someone like her have to say to Gohan?

"Maybe she really does like him," Trunks points out. "Though, Gohan doesn't look too happy about it."

Leaning on his Power Pole, Goten hums. "He looks angry."

"You think?"

"Yeah."

"I wonder why…"

Goten feels himself slipping further along the pole as they spectate the strange show. They'd planned on trying out some techniques with it by copying movie scenes watched online, but seeing Gohan with a girl proves far more distracting.

Trunks looks oddly unhappy about it. "You think that's why he's been coming here, for her? I mean… I kind of see the appeal. She's hot but in an 'I'm a ballerina librarian during the day but your sexy accountant at night' sort of way."

Goten snorts, suspicion momentarily smothered with amusement.

"Oh, like you weren't thinking it."

He can say with full confidence that he hadn't been. What does have him thinking is Trunks' suggestion about Gohan's visitations.

"Is she here often?"

"Her and Brutil come by every few days to make sure the Earth isn't on fire."

"Why not visit my dad? I thought he was the protector or whatever."

At that, Trunks' lips upturn. "Pretty sure Brutil has a major dude boner for my dad."

"They're both assholes so I guess that checks out."

Trunks grins. Then, with a sudden bout of energy, he plucks the Power Pole right from under Goten's chin before the latter can so much as react. There's a dramatic whirl of red, and white as the snow dances. The pole spins in the air impressively before making a loyal return down to Trunks' feet.

"Eh, pass it here! Gimme'."

His friend laughs and makes a sport of not letting Goten have his pole, just like he'd do as a bratty kid with their toys. A cruel glee overtakes him as Goten scampers for the pole, having him laugh at each failed retrieval.

"Trunks!"

"Don't be a baby. Come get it."

"G-Give—"

Trunks laughs harder when Goten slips on the snow and falls at his feet. The pole plants into the ground inches away from Goten's nose as Trunks coils himself around it. In its extended form, Trunks is able to grip it and twirl around in a mesmerizingly trashy dance, gaudy in his seduction as he drops lower and lower. He blows a kiss and winks at his unwilling audience.

Goten can't help but laugh. "You're such an asshole, Trunks!"

It's with an abrupt jostle that pole uplifts and Trunks falls to his bottom. From behind, Gohan twists the pole out of reach before striking it into the dirt.

"Power Poles are not for pole dancing," he reprimands, face pinched.

Trunks is up in a beat.

"Ehh, don't be a spoil-sport. What's got your knickers in a twist?" Eyebrows wag. "Girl troubles?"

His knickers are most certainly twisted because Gohan doesn't bite his tongue. "Trunks, please find an alternative way to disappoint your father. This is a bit on the nose even for you…" A ragged sigh sounds. "Honestly, you guys are making a total racket."

The weapon drops to the snowy mud and Gohan stalks off, looking at least three times more annoyed than before. Eyrelle doesn't even spare them a glance.

"Did… Did Gohan just call me a stripper?"

Gohan isn't spotted at Capsule Corporation again. According to Trunks, he hasn't been there since they'd crossed paths with him and Eyrelle; a weird situation no matter how you swing it, yet it doesn't matter how many times Goten mentions his grievances to Trunks, the latter can't be swayed.

"There's something off with him," Goten repeats to no avail, over and over until a reaction is garnered.

"Are you sure that you're not just jealous?" The bite suggests snapped patience.

It doesn't catch Goten off guard because it's a pill he's swallowed already. "Of course I'm jealous. Gohan's… Gohan. He's strong and smart and nothing I do can ever compare—" He coughs. There's no point in going in circles. "But this has nothing to do with that. He's… I 'unno, secretive and, really, things he says don't add up. Something feels off."

"'Think he's gonna' kill himself again?"

His reaction is fast. "That's not confirmed," he barks, "We don't know what happened."

"I thought you said he…" Trunks is suffering whiplash. "I mean, he did."

Goten hums, gaze distant. "I don't know."

The next afternoon, Goten Son devolves into stalking behaviour. He pays a girl in his class the day before to call the school, pretending to be his mother for him to get the next day off. It's worked before and it works today. With a lot of kids unable to make it in due to bad weather nobody even questions it.

For sleuthing, Goten has enough ability to lower his ki to a non-readable level, enough so that Dad has managed to not sense him in the past. And he suspects Gohan not to be quite as good as Dad in that department. So, for a while, he loiters near where Videl lives, waiting for Gohan to emerge from the apartment, and sure enough, he does.

And man, Gohan looks rough. Really, he's looking worse each time Goten sees him. In the snow, he's bundled up like a clammy burrito, matching the pallor in his own complexion. Why doesn't he just speak to the Supreme Kai? Something's clearly not been right since he got back. With all the nosebleeds and whatever else he's suffering through there's only so long before his body will give out, surely.

So, it's unsurprising when Gohan calls upon Nimbus to carry him. From somewhere deep within the cluster of icy alleys and nooks behind Videl's place, one can see a small yellow blur burst into the sky.

Goten follows the blur, slowly, traversing the snow and keeping his distance.

What he doesn't expect is to be taken to 439 Mountain District. At first, Goten's worried that he's leading him right to Dad but Gohan doesn't go to the family house as one might think he would. Instead, he lands, jumping free to stand upon a frozen lake alone… as if he's… waiting?

Oh. He's smiling.

Goten realizes right away that it's for him.

"Shit." Pretending it's all a part of the grand plan, Goten lands. "Erm, yo?"

"Shouldn't you be at school?"

"I'm taking a mental health day."

Gohan's arms fold, his multiple layers pillowing against his chest. He's not buying it.

"It's a thing," Goten asserts, "And what are you doing? The weather sucks and you're sick."

"Are you worried?"

"N-No, I mean, well—"

"Is that why you're following me?"

How had he known? Goten's ki had been low. There's no way Gohan could have felt him sneaking around, especially with how careful he'd been, how slowly he'd followed.

"Where are you going?" Goten instead asks. There's no point denying it.

Gohan's smile has never once faltered. As he reaches into his pocket, it widens up until a small envelope emerges, slightly crinkled. "I'm actually going to Dad's. You're welcome come if you want. He's not there right now. I think he and Piccolo are off training somewhere. You know what they're like."

The envelope has something written on the front of it but it's hardly legible from this angle. Why is Gohan delivering a letter?

His mouth goes dry. "What's… that?"

The smile decays, growing into one of his false grins; something Goten resents most. "Ah, nothing for you to worry about."

The print is neat. He recognizes the handwriting.

"Why are you writing a letter?"

Finally, the offending paper is stuff away.

"Maybe it's a love letter," Gohan retorts, "I can't share the contents of a love let—"

"Gohan."

"Ahh." His brother scratches at the back of his head, annoyingly jovial. "Are we just going to stand out in the snow all day? I'm pretty cold, you know... Let's go if we're going."

Goten trots after Gohan, leaving deep, darkened prints in the snow as he goes. The snow in the city isn't nearly as deep, and the shoes he's wearing are most definitely not equipped for trekking so it's a bit of a clumsy trail. Luckily, they're not far from the house. One step forward is another lump of snow entering each shoe.

As Goten goes, Trunks' voice returns.

"Think he's gonna' kill himself again?"

He has a letter. Why does Gohan have a letter?

The crunching under his brother's shoes keeps him from sinking too deeply into his anxieties. He focuses on each step, watching white disappear under black boots as he tells himself, over and over, not to panic.

When the house comes into reach Gohan lets them both in with his key, removes his mountain of layers and turns to light the fire. There has still not been another word between them, until;

"I'll be back in a minute. I need to go put this upstairs."

It's not a suicide letter, Goten tells himself.

The urge to follow has Goten pick at his nails, tearing them down right into the skin and making them bleed. Still, he sits, waiting, in front of the crackling fire and tells himself not to jump the gun.

Soft thuds along the stairs indicate that Gohan's finished hiding his letter.

"All done." His hands rub together before upturning towards the fire. "It's cold, huh? The storm will be here any day. Do you want a drink? Dad bought some hot chocolate not too long ago."

"What's in the letter, Gohan?"

His brother stares awhile, eyes twinkling.

"Gohan…?"

Gohan sits down, still leaning towards the fire, back now turned as he collects the nearby poker. A rosy glow illuminates around him amongst the cracking of embers, and Goten hears a depletion of breath as his brother begins to rotate the logs.

"Goh—"

"I'm not going to kill myself," he says, stealing the air from Goten's lungs. "If that's what you're wondering about, I mean."

But it's not enough. Goten's hands curl into the sofa's fabric. "Then what's in the letter?"

"Why were you following me?"

The bluntness catches Goten off guard. He shuffles, chewing his lip and wracking his brain. "I-I… Well, you know, um—"

Gohan actually laughs. The poker gestures forward. "You've always been a terrible liar so don't bother." He reclines, poker sheathed back into its rightful place. "So," he next says, light, "Is it because you're angry with me? Are you trying to get some dirt on me to tell Mum?"

Shame finds him quickly. Why is he doing this?

Then, Goten remembers Gohan talking with Eyrelle, remembers the unveiled anger after the meeting, remembers the fake smiles; remembers all of it.

I even remember your energy feeling weird that one time.

Goten says none of this.

Instead, he surprises even himself.

There's a long breath, and then in a whisper; "I'm just… really confused."

More words want to pour free but the mouth jams. Nothing further follows, only silence, save for the fire pit which spits and hacks as neither brother says anything.

"I'm confused, too," Gohan admits, equally quiet.

"I'm so tired of feeling so bitter all of the time," Goten continues, "It's… making me so hateful. Sometimes I feel like I'm two different people, like one Goten, the real me, wants to just be happy and normal and then the other one just wants to shit on everything."

There's a sardonic laugh. "Yeah."

"And I just… with you, I just get so, so… I dunno'." The words wilt, his confidence dies and Gohan does nothing to revive it.

The smile – not the fake one – becomes stretched, pained almost. "I'm not perfect, Goten. You'll see that someday. Everyone has baggage in one way or another."

Goten scoffs, shrugging.

"And just so you know, following me won't do anything for you. Heh, maybe you really should take a mental health day." He smirks wryly into the fire's orange licks. "Whatever your problem is has little to do with me and more to do with you and your relationship with everyone else."

"And so why did you speak to Mum and Dad?" He retorts, heated.

Gohan doesn't immediately reply so Goten beats him to it.

"It's like you're trying to fix something that can't be fixed. Why bother if it's not your problem? Why bother at all? Is it because you feel responsible? Why would you feel responsible, Gohan? Is it because you killed yourself? Is that why you're trying to step up now?"

His brother's eyes press together slowly. "Goten…"

"And you're trying to fix it now because you're going to kill yourself again."

"I'm not going to kill myself."

"You did before!"

"Stop shou—"

"Tell me. Why did you do it? I know you remember more than you let on. I'm not stupid, Gohan. Why does everyone think I'm stupid? I know that you're up to something."

Gohan doesn't rise to it. He rubs at his temples, his face scrunched as though dealing with a small child. It's enough to make Goten want to punch a hole right through his stupid head. He stands, finger poised under the asshole's nose as his throat begins to clog and his eyes start to mist.

"You killed yourself and you're going to do it again," he manages, "You fucking killed yourself. Stop pretending like you don't remember!"

"I don't—"

"Don't you lie to me!"

"Goten, I just said—"

The finger jabs into a gaunt collarbone. "Give me the truth," he demands, "Give me the fucking truth, Gohan!"

"G—"

"The truth!"

"Fine!" Gohan thunders. He, too, stands, towering over Goten and looking fiercer than yet to be seen. "I didn't! I didn't do it! Is that what you want to hear? I didn't kill myself!"

It instantly floors him. "What?"

His own anger dissolves into confusion, whilst on Gohan, anger warps into regret; the most honest expression Goten has seen from him in days.

"I think," Gohan says, fast and most definitely as a cover-up. "I think I didn't do—"

But it's too late to take it back. "You didn't do it? You do remember, don't you?" The shock lingers. "What happened?"

His brother goes to speak, only to stop himself. He turns away and silence follows until Gohan takes his seat back in front of the fire. Hands clap together, rubbing for that necessary warmth over the flames as his brain appears to be in overdrive.

"It's complicated," Gohan eventually mutters, expression foggy. "Only recently do I remember the night so don't think I've been pulling the wool over your eyes ever since I got back. Sit down."

Goten does, shakily.

"Were you murdered? The post-mortem said that only you could have—"

"I did it—"

"But you just said—!"

"I wasn't in the right frame of mind. I didn't choose it." Gohan wanes against the chair. "So by that logic, I suppose you could call it murder."

Goten tries to speak but the tears snuff his voice. There's a cough. "I-I don't understand."

With unseeing eyes, his brother looks to be recounting the incident over again. It's eerie in the fire's radiance. Bright, Gohan bathes in the flames while looking so ghastly ill that he might drop again.

"Imagine living a dream you have no control over. It was like being only half there even as I remember it, as though I wasn't myself. Nobody had broken in to do it. Nobody had forced my hand – not in any way I saw anyway, but it hadn't been by any decision of my own. Goten, I would never choose to leave you or this family. I was happy. I'd been tired and stressed sometimes but I'd never…" He brushes his hair back, humming. "I wouldn't put you through what you've been put through on purpose."

The fire clicks dimly and so Gohan chucks another log on.

A thankful crackle is given as Goten processes the words. "Then Dad was right."

Gohan audibly growls. "Don't tell him."

"Why not?"

"Not yet. Don't tell anyone yet. Why do you think I want the space from him, from Mum? I need to clear my head."

"Dad is the only one who ever believed you didn't do it," Goten feels like he needs to defend, "For years, he's being going on and on about how you'd never—"

"I know," Gohan returns, heated, "But do you really think that's coming from a healthy place? Dad hadn't known. He'd been in denial in front of evidence. And honestly, Goten, had I really killed myself then I wouldn't be any less of a person for it. Yet, he can't see that. He's not wired that way. In his head, I couldn't have killed myself because I'm not that weak, which is just… disgusting." There's that uncharacteristic sneer again. "There's nothing weak in a person feeling that enough is enough. Suicide is a sickness, not a character flaw. Don't let Dad dissuade you of that."

"So you're just fine with everyone thinking you did it?"

"Why does it matter?"

Goten balks. "Well, Vegeta hates you for it. It'd been a personal offense that you'd even consider—"

"Oh, please, I think we both know that Vegeta's opinion isn't worth—"

"And Piccolo's?"

Gohan hums, twitching a shoulder. "Yeah, well, that's… on him, I guess."

It's painful to hear, after all these years, that his brother really hadn't opted out, that Goten has resented him for nothing. Again, it's all been in his head. Everything is always going around and around in his head!

He groans, taking his hair, pulling it and doubling over.

Alternative to the good news it should be, this has all opened the door for even more headaches. Goten frets; "Gohan, this isn't better. This is worse. Now we know that someone killed you."

Gohan's calmness is both reassuring and annoying. "Don't worry about it," he says, "You're safe."

"I'm safe? There are Zealites running about, gods threatening Earth, kais bringing more asshole kais here and now I find out that my brother really had been murdered! How the hell am I supposed to feel safe, Gohan? How are any of us safe?" He splutters, hand gesturing wildly. "And you, you're breaking apart. You're a mess. Why won't you speak to the Supreme Kai about it?"

"It's complicated."

"You're dying, aren't you?" Gohan doesn't immediately respond. "Oh my God. You're dying—"

"Jeez, Goten." There's a click of the tongue. "I'm already dead. I died years ago. This body is just something the angel threw together for me; something to contain my soul. If you must know, said DIY body isn't doing as well as it could be, and listen, I already spoke to the angel about it. I'm waiting for him to fix it. It'll hold out fine until he comes by again."

"Really?"

"Yes, now stop bugging me about it."

There's a soft patter outside, shoes against snow. Dad's home. Their time is up. Before the door opens, Gohan gives him one last meaningful look.

"I'm trusting you with this. Don't say a word, not to Trunks, not to anyone."

Goten nods. He manages a thin smile when Dad hurricanes into the room, excited to see them both and yammering on about his latest training session with Piccolo. Gohan is demure but polite whilst Goten quickly offers to make them all warm drinks. It's here, in the solitude of the kitchen that Goten remembers to breathe as he waits for the water to boil.

As he decompresses from what he'd just learned, the fact that a letter ever existed seems to leave his mind.

Gohan is in a foul mood. He's been in such a stupor for days now. First, he tries to happen across Eyrelle without giving much suspicion, which had been more difficult than expected given that she rarely accompanies Brutil on his trips to Earth. Those few times Gohan had found Brutil had been uncomfortable to say the least as the asshole really does have it out for Gohan. Sly comments here and there are enough to let slide but it's as if Gohan's existence is a personal offense to the kai, which is ironic because Gohan feels much the same about him and most of the kais in general.

Waiting for her had involved hanging around Capsule Corporation, but that had been an easy sell because for one, Gohan likes it there anyway. The food is good. The company is better; Bulma has always been an interesting person despite her strange mood swings. But in addition to this, most of his friends still pity Gohan enough to let him do what he wants. Goten is right in that regard, really. They think he's bored or lost and so they just ignore whatever he chooses to do to occupy his time, even if that involves hanging around and watching Bulma work on a watch or whatever contraption she's tinkering with that day.

Vegeta, on the other hand, resents it, but, well, fuck him.

Upon finally managing to get a hold of her, Eyrelle had proven trickier than expected to persuade.

"The Supreme Kai admitted it himself," he'd insisted, "The kais had murdered Famis."

The accusation had horrified her. "The kais would never."

"This is not speculation. I am hearing this from my father who, in turn, heard it from Shin himself. Why would he lie about something like this?"

"My people would never stoop so low as to murder a god."

Gohan had scoffed. "Like they have never done it before?"

"Lord Famis had been a good person." She'd been insulted at the very tone. "The kais recognized that. I remember as much. They would never denounce his name. Between him and Lord Quell they had always much preferred Lord Famis at the meetings."

"That means so little. Famis had created great evils. You can hardly describe him as good."

"And this is coming from you? You two had never seen eye to eye on much of anything. He had always disliked you a great deal, what with your—Ugh." She'd realized her mistake straight away. "I-I, I'm sorry, my lord. I don't mean it. It's just, Lord Famis; to me, he—"

"However Famis and I felt about one another matters not here, Eyrelle. Regardless of anything, he'd been kin and I can hardly stand by after finding something like this out. My brother will be avenged, if not by me, most definitely by Quell."

"The kais… they wouldn't do… They're pious, devout beings—"

"It's time to bury naiveties and make a decision about who you serve. I'm reaching out to you as an honour to Famis' memory, but if you do not think it worthy to acknowledge your past loyalties to the Almighty then you will also be seen as an enemy."

Gohan had felt guilt, only a touch, when her face contorts into that of a woman breaking.

"My lord…"

"Do some digging and find your own truths. But if you sell me out then be it on your conscience that you really do not hold the Almighty in your heart. If, however, you join me then know you will serve Famis' memory honourably—"

"You're such an asshole, Trunks!"

Gohan had turned to see his brother and Trunks nearby, loud as usual and monkeying about with the Power Pole as though it's a toy. He'd wondered to why they'd been out this far, but upon seeing them (already in a vulgar mood), he'd been unable to stop himself snapping at the two.

No wonder Goten had followed him not long after. Gohan's mood swings will give him away if he's not careful. God, he can be as much a fool as the worst of them. And now he has to deal with Goten knowing as much as he does, which albeit, isn't a lot but it's still enough to keep a close eye on him.

Since the debacle, Gohan has not seen Eyrelle . Hopefully, she's doing the research as instructed. The sooner she sees sense the better. He needs her assistance for what he's going to do.

She'll follow me when she learns the truth.

Until then, Gohan can only wait.

God, they're all going to hate him when all this over; something he's made peace with, as stated in the letter.

Back at Videl's place, Gohan sighs, stretching out along the sofa and overlooking the cityscape. The snow is layering nicely. Smothered, bright blinking from the city reflects off of the white, making it impossible to look away. As a nature-boy at heart, he's surprised at how much he's come to love this view in particular. It's too bad that it's now that Storm Ashnah has decided to make her stand; gales rush by the window, singing harrowing tunes and bringing cold waves.

"That's a big sigh," Haruto says from his place at the table. "'You doing alright?"

"About as well as can be, I suppose."

The scratching of a pen to paper tells him Haruto has returned to the case at hand. "You'll figure it out. You're pretty smart."

Gohan hums. "I don't know. I think I'm going to mess this one up a bit."

"A bit is better than a lot."

"Unless the stakes are high and then a bit is a lot just by reference."

Haruto chuckles. "Is that why you're hiding out here?"

"Yup."

"Y'know, Gohan," he says, angling himself round in the chair to get a good look at him, "You're not quite what I expected. Videl had always said you were pretty awkward, I mean, no offense. Or rather, you shouldn't take offense because I don't think you're awkward at all."

He snorts. "She said that?"

"Oh, er, don't tell her I told you."

Gohan rolls onto his side, amused. "Ah, she's so mean. She would have ground my self-confidence into the dirt if we'd stayed together. Good thing you have thick skin," he jokes, "I'm glad she has you."

"You know…" The pen rests on the table. "You're a really good guy."

His neck cranes back. "Hm?"

"To be honest, I was a little intimidated meeting you. Your death really broke Videl's heart, enough so that she'd never dated anyone save for me, and that was after a lot of arm-twisting. I'm not going to lie and say I wasn't worried when I'd heard about your return – not that I wish for your death; it's just…" There's a pause. "I didn't expect her to run into your arms or anything but…"

"She loves you," Gohan says. "Videl is with you."

"Do you still feel anything for her, Gohan? I won't hold it against you if you do."

He sits up, fighting the anchor in his chest. "I… love her, but not in that way, not anymore... That being said, she's an important person to me," he tells honestly, "I think I could be in love with her again, easily. She's wonderful and you're so lucky to have her… but at the end of it all, I wouldn't want to ever mess her life up because of my own selfishness." He flops back down. "And besides, it would never work out anyway."

"The age gap doesn't help, huh?"

"Oh, yes, very big age gap."

Millennia apart, would you believe?

"Thanks for your honesty," Haruto then says, lighter, as though a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. "I know this must all have been really confusing for you to process. You're a credit to yourself, especially while still so young. You're inspiring, Gohan, really, I mean it – and not just as a Cell Games super fan."

Outside, the snow picks up until Gohan can barely see past the neighbouring block.

"Hmm, I don't think I'd want to mess your life up either," Gohan says after a time, "You're not bad, I guess, as a fan."

"Jeez, thanks." Wryly, Gohan smirks, and Haruto laughs as he stands and makes his way over to his globe minibar. "Good heavens, it's so easy to forget your age sometimes. I was about to offer you hard liquor. You're just not like any other kid I've met before."

"According to my ID, I'm twenty-three," he reminds. "So technically I could—"

The bottle pops open and pours into only one glass. "I'm not willing to be castrated by your mother or Videl. Check back with me in two years."

It turns out Gohan doesn't need to check back. When Videl returns from the store, she walks into both of them playing Tekken, two glasses sat on the table besides them. Her keys are thrown onto the chiffonier, boots kicked off, and coat and scarf shed as she eyeballs them both with mounting displeasure.

"I said that," Gohan starts before she even opens her mouth, attention still on his character, "If I beat him then I got to try the rum. Would you believe he just uses the same pattern of moves over and over? Go figure. It's literally the same as real life fighting."

She barrages in front of the television making Gohan have to swerve around. "Haruto, that stuff is over-proof," she snaps. "Jesus, Gohan, I'm surprised you're still sitting up straight. I'm getting you some water."

"He only had a little."

"What would Chi-Chi say if—?"

"I'm fine, Videl." Her blockage did, however, cost him the game. He drops the controller. "Ah. No fair." He suffers a slap on the back; the ultimate symbol of pity.

"Party over, bud."

Haruto gets up and kisses his fiancé, grinning despite her chilly brush off and laughing when she tries her best to hold onto her anger. She tries her best but apparently Haruto is just too darn gosh charming. Gohan decides it time to slide back into the guest room when the two start catching the giggles; fighting but not really. As much as he likes both of them, he doesn't wish to watch.

At least she'll be fine.

Gohan thought that coming back to Earth was an opportunity to just patch the gaping holes he'd left. Making friends hadn't been on the agenda but he's glad to have met Haruto. The Earth is an amazing place filled with incredible people, and for him to have the joy of experiencing something new here a final time isn't to be taken lightly; it just assures him that his direction in his role is the right one.

I'll protect all of you, no matter the cost.

The road forward won't be clean but that's okay.

The ends will justify the means.

Just as he goes to lean against the bed, Gohan feels a ripple of energy burst into life some miles away. An explosion ensues in the distance; its echo vibrating throughout him and filling him with a sick dread. It has him up and out the door in seconds.

In the living room, Videl pulls away from Haruto just to see Gohan dart out of the room. "What's wrong?"

Gohan pauses momentarily, lingering, thinking. There's only so much time.

"Videl," he says, "Thank you for letting me stay here."

Haruto advances, hand stretched. "What's going on? Are you okay?"

"Thank you to both of you." Gohan swallows, clenching the window frame. A final smile is managed, forced. "Look after each other and, please," he laughs thinly as he tugs the window open, "Lame I know, but have a really happy life. Don't worry, seriously. I'll be all right. I'll catch you guys on the other side."

Gohan doesn't give either of them much chance to respond as he jumps out into Storm Ashnah's wrath. His jacket and snow boots remain by the chiffonier and he instantly feels his body revolt. The snowfall strikes like icy-hot piercings but he doesn't turn back. No, he calls upon his power and just as his ki catches him as to take flight, he hears Videl call after him, her cry as biting as the wind he journeys into.

.

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Merry Christmas! Happy Frieza Day! Jolly whatever the heck ya celebrating! In my part of the world it's Christmas Eve evening so I managed to get this out just before I drown in domestic duties. Whoever trusts me to help prepare Christmas dinner deserves the inevitable food poisoning.

I apologize for the delay. It was half by choice, half not. I took a planned rest because this story's weight can really be a downer. Goten alone makes me long to jump from my balcony. The unplanned part comes from my computer deleting the first draft of the chapter (incomplete, thank God) and sending me into tantrum mode. Even my laptop wants to kill itself over the Goten sections, Christ on a cracker... But worry not as the next update should come a lot quicker. I'm plotting out the chapter now. It'll be... a ride. I'm really excited.

Writing this chapter was far less painful than expected. I found my notes of lines I need characters to say and found I had to have my stripper line in there. Trunks brings me joy because it's just me shamelessly writing my own sense of humour. As for other characters, Haruto is pleasant to pen. I've had a few people mention to me that they're happy he's not some secret asshole. I'm not sure if this is a spoiler or not but Haruto isn't nefarious in anyway. He's not the secret leader of the Zealites, he isn't the big bad, he doesn't torture puppies; he's just a nice dude. Haruto was written to represent positive change in someone's life. Videl is one of the only people to have truly been able to move on from Gohan and wow, would you look at that? She had/has a good support network. Fancy that.

On the topic of Videl, after my last chapter, I got a really sweet message that totally made my day. A reader drew Videl from my story and I'm just... in love. This is her in my head now. The sketch of her holding the wine is just... *chef's kiss*. I'll link it on my bio because copy and paste from fics is impossible (I remember the day I used to copy and paste fics into Word docs to read when I had no internet. 2007 was a crazy time). I'll try and link the ones Kags has done for me as well because they're just awesome, too. Speaking of, thanks to her for betaing as always.

Cheers again for the feedback. The reviews and messages have been bloody lovely. An update should come relatively soon, hopefully (NO PROMISES) before the year's end. A review might help that along ; )

Have a nice jollyday.