Heart to Fist Conversations vr2
Genre: General, drama, uber angst
Rating: T

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keemew2: Well, I decided to move this to my anthology collection because I felt it was unneccessary to have this by itself. Everything connected to 'On the Wings of Angels' is located in there, so why no tthis? My very first YGO one shot and the first thing that ever lead to OtWoA. This includes a small revision since, as I mentioned bfore, I wasn't happy with the original rewrite. Nothing drastic, mind, but it is better. Hope you enjoy!

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Life isn't as easy as one might think sometimes. In some cases it is the exact opposite. Hard and unyielding. Painful and violent. Life is a horrible rendition of what death will be like in the hereafter or a hell waiting for death to deliver the soul from it. Life is difficult to bear at times, but there were the bright times. The times when loved ones laughed, a time when one shared life with others...but now...that time is past...now, that time is over...now, life is nothing...now...the purpose of some life...is misery.

Like mine.

/\/\/\/\/\
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

A throbbing sensation within his temple slowly roused Ryou from the darkness of unconsciousness. The usual disorientation of sudden awareness clouded his mind, the confusion he had gradually become accustomed to taking over all thought. Slowly raising himself from the hard ground he allowed himself to look around cautiously. He was alone. At least, as far as he could see anyway. It was dark and misty, he felt fear inch it's way into his heart. He was used to waking up in strange places by now (though he couldn't remember why), every time he blacked out he was always somewhere different, somewhere other then where he had been before. But, of all the times he had awoken he had never once found himself in such a forbidding environment. It was mind numbing...

Where am I?

Maneuvering until he was in a sitting position allowed him more room to look around. As far as the eye could see was nothingness, an empty void of mist and shadows. He felt small and insignificant; paranoia began to creep in. He had no idea where he was or how he'd gotten there. In fact, he couldn't remember anything since...since...

Dread suddenly joined the rest of his emotions as he realized he had no memory of the entire days events. Ryou pulled his legs to his chest, wrapping his arms around his knees. His lips formed a small pout as his fear began to grow and he wondered if he would ever get home.

"Pathetic."

Ryou's eyes widened. His head and torso whipped around sharply, his right hand landing on the hard surface for support. Horror struck him like a brick wall as his startled eyes fell upon a mirror like image, the arrogance radiating from the hardened doppleganger like smoke from a raging fire. A fire burning with hatred, searing through Ryou and boring a hole deep within his psyche.

"Absolutely...pathetic." The other stated with a sneer. "Sitting there, holding yourself... Have you no pride?"

"Who..."

"Who am I?" the look-a-like's lips formed a malicious grin. "Why, I am you, who else?"

"Me...?" Ryou stared in shock. Then, ever so slightly, Ryou began to think back. He knew that voice, though he didn't hear it very often. It was hard to forget the thing that ruined your life and tried to kill your friends. He didn't understand why it was appearing as a likeness of himself, but the arrogance radiating off the mirror image was all too familiar. He'd seen it before, at least twice. When his soul had been temporarily separated from his body by that very same entity. "You're the voice in my head!"

"Ha! Any idea how crazy that makes you sound?"

Ryou ignored the comment, though he knew it was a poor choice of words on his part. Anger was filling the boy now. Anger and pain. The source of all his pain and suffering was staring him in the face. "Your the voice that I hear right before I black out! The one that takes over my body and makes me do horrible things! Your the one who imprisoned my friends in lead miniatures! You caused all those problems while I was growing up! Your the reason I wasn't with Amane when she died!" By this time Ryou had gained his feet as his memory slowly came back to him. He was staring down the other him with pain filled eyes, anger and resentment filling his every fiber! "You're not me! You're a spirit! An evil spirit and this-!" Ryou spread his arms out, indicating their surroundings and shook his head "This. It's all your fault too, isn't it? What did you do!? What made this happen? Where is it? Where am I? What did you do to my memory to make it so fuzzy?"

The evil presence before him smirked; a menacing sign. Ryou felt a shiver run through him. "We're in hell. I did nothing to your memory, the mental trauma is most likely too much for your weak little mind to handle."

Ryou stared in uncomprehending silence. For a moment he wasn't sure he'd heard him right, but the other figure kept his gaze steady, waiting for the boy's reaction.

"Hell?" Ryou asked. It was something he really didn't want to believe right now. "I'm...dead?"

"Of course not," the spirit replied with an annoyed wave of his hand. "You still have your body, don't you?"

"Huh?"

"You're physical body was sent to hell when I lost a duel with Marik's dark personality." This was explained in so matter-of-factually that Ryou felt the spirit had no remorse for the situation.

"You...what?" Ryou, his head already spinning from all that he'd heard, felt the world rushing around his ears. This just couldn'tbe real. It wasn't possible. Right? "How...how could..." His heart began to pump faster. He felt faint...scared and angry. Sad and confused. "You did this? Why? Why would you do that!?"

"Don't go blaming me." The other replied with a sneer. "This isn't' my fault, you flaking little wimp! It's yours!"

"How can you stand there and say that!?" Ryou cried. "You lost a duel and sent me to hell! How is that my fault!?"

"Because you fought me every step of the way," the brown eyes of the darker image suddenly deepened to near black slits as he replied. Ryou could feel the hatred burning off, every scent of it directed at him, "If you had obediently allowed me to take the Millenium Puzzle that first time...this never would have happened. But, of course, you had to defy me. By simple nature you had to defy me. You had to go and help the others. You, my pathetic host. Not me. We could have worked together. You could have stayed locked within your own mind, if it made you feel better, it would have been so simple. Therefore, the fault lies in you."

"Your insane!" Ryou stated angrily. "This isn't my fault! Your the one who caused this to happen! Your the one who caused all my problems! Why do you persist in haunting me!? Why did you choose me? Why can't you just leave me alone!"

"Fool." The doppleganger turned his back on Ryou, content to ignore the boy now. Ryou shook with anger. It wasn't fair. This shouldn't be happening, this shouldn't be real. Ryou was so caught up in hi sown frustration he neglected to notice his mirror like persona walking towards him until he was a foot away.

"Listen here you ingrate. I didn't choose you. Destiny did. It is your destiny to be my host. Therefore it is your destiny to do my bidding! Whether you like it or not, I am in charge here, not you! That is the way it is and the way it is going to stay! Do you understand me?"

"No." Ryou stated firmly. He held no hesitation in his answer, he didn't care if the spirit was in his face by this point. "I said it once and I will say it again. I won't let you control me! You have no right!"

"That, child, is where you are wrong." The spirit, who almost seemed to gain a few inches as he hovered menacingly over Ryou, was very intimidating, yet Ryou held his ground. He didn't allow the spirit to get to him, he didn't want the evil thing to have the satisfaction. Even so, the spirit continued talking, his own anger at the boy's stubborn resistance climbing. "I have every right in the world to control you. The right has been given to me by destiny itself."

"I refuse to believe that." Ryou manage to hiss.

Without warning the spirit grabbed Ryou's shirt by the collar and swung the boy off his feet. Ryou landed on the ground with a hard crash. "You have no choice!" The spirit shouted, his forced calm breaking "I have the power to bury you so far within yourself that you can never see the light again! I am in control and there is nothing you can do about it!"

"I will fight you." Ryou replied. "I won't let you hurt my friends again. Not if I can help it."

"Nothing gets through to you, does it?"

"You can't control me forever."

"I'm warning you child. Stop persisting in this rebelling nature of yours, or else."

"Or else what? You've already sent me to hell, what else can you do?"

"Don't tempt me boy."

Ryou stared in stubborn defiance. Placing both hands firmly on the ground he began to raise himself up. Then pain exploded before his eyes, red hot and searing. When his vision cleared he found himself on his side, his hands holding his face. He'd been kicked.

"You don't have to have a body to make physical contact here." The spirit stated mildly, oblivious to the fact that this was his second physical contact he'd made. "Pain here is juts as real as it would be if we were still at the Battle City Finals. Dare to tempt me again...boy?"

"As many times as I need to." Ryou murmured, a look of absolute hatred staring daggers at the spirit. Admittedly, Ryou had never hated anyone before. It was an alien emotion to him, a foreign concept. He had always been easy to get along with. People hated him, sure. But he had understood that they blamed him for something he couldn't help. But him hating someone else? This was a first. The idea bothered him, but only slightly. He gave it very little thought; at this point he wanted to hate. He felt justified.

Ryou, his emotion stronger then sensibility, didn't even think about his next move. He was on his feet and moving before he even realized it. The fact that the stunned lookalike was getting closer by the second barley even crossed his mind before he ran into him, wrapping his arms around the others waist and causing them both to fall to the ground in a heap of tangled arms and legs. The spirit pushed at Ryou but the boy held on until a sharp fist to his head forced Ryou to release his hold. Pushing Ryou off himself the darker image slammed the heel of his palm into the boy's unprotected gut, effectively knocking the wind out of him. Climbing to his feet, the spirit glared at the boy, gasping with rage as he sneered his next phrase.

"How dare you attack me!" Ryou groaned and attempted to climb to his knees but a swift kick to his ribs forced him down again. "Why won't you stay down!?"

Ryou looked up from the ground, his defiant eyes narrowed as he gasped for air. "Because you keep hitting me."

The darker image roared in frustration. He grabbed Ryou by the hair, drug him to his knees, and and slammed his fist into the boys gut again. "I dominate your body in the physical world!" He hissed, "The rings powers make this possible! I will break you child of light! I will break you so there is nothing left for your pathetic friends to fight for!"

"Y-your wrong!" Ryou choked. The spirit tossed the boy to the ground, kicking him again. Despite this, Ryou still managed to climb to his knees, look the spirit in the eye, and continue. "They will...never give up...and neither will I!"

The evil mirror image swore sharply. "This will take longer then I care for." He began to approach Ryou again. The boy scrambled to his feet, his body aching where he'd been hit. "You insist on this being done the hard way." A sudden, sinister smirk came over the dark face. "I don't think your weak little mind can survive the hard way."

Ryou tried to throw a punch but Dark Bakura caught his fist easily. "Face it, boy!" He pulled Ryou closer, his left hand clamping onto Ryou's neck. "I am far stronger then you." His fingers began to tighten around the boy's vocal cords; Ryou's eyes widened. "Mentally and physically." He watched as fear dilated Ryou's soft brown eyes as he slowly began to loose breath. "I will fully dominate you." Ryou's free hand clamped onto the five fingered appendage blocking his windpipe and pulled. The spirit just continued to smirk, relishing the boy's helplessness.

"You remember this feeling, don't you?" The spirit began in a soft, dark voice. "Yes. You remember it all to well. You feel it often enough. Helplessness. Fear. Anxiety. But usually it centers around your friends, doesn't it?" The spirit cooed. "Poor boy. You never could help anyone, could you? None of your friends. The ones hurt because of you."

"N-not...me...!" Ryou gasped. Tears of anger and pain slowly began to leak from his eyes and his vision began to dim slightly.

"You keep saying that." The spirit growled, his fingers tightening more. "But you know it's true."

Ryou gagged. The spirit, knowing how dangerous it was to let Ryou simply die, released the boys hand and threw him to the ground. Ryou landed with a thud, gasping and coughing as he rubbed at his throat.

"It's true simply due to the fact that you wore the ring!" The spirit crowed. He placed his foot on Ryou's chest and rested against his knee. The pressure from the spirits weight forced the air to come even more slowly to the weakened boy. "You knew there was something strange about it the moment your father gave it to you. Admit it!"

"Get...off!" Ryou gasped as he tried to push the doppelganger off him.

"Admit you knew!" The spirit demanded.

""So...so what!?" Ryou cried, angry and frightened. "So what if I knew it was weird!? It was a gift from my father! I was a little kid at the time!"

""It was only afterwards that strange things happened." The spirit smirked. "You must have made a connection. If only you hadn't wore the ring I couldn't have done that to all your little friends, could I?"

"I didn't...make a...connection!" Ryou gasped. He tried again, more desperately, to remove the heavy weight from his chest.

"Don't be ridiculous." The spirit hissed.

"I didn't!"

"Something about you was hurting your friends." the spirit's sneer contorted his features. "You knew it had to do with you. You were the only one. The only one who wasn't affected. Even she fell unconscious, didn't she?" Ryou stopped squirming. The spirit of the ring grinned in satisfaction, knowing he had finally hit the nerve he'd been looking for. "Yes. Even she fell. The one friend who had stood by you the longest. Even requesting to transfer schools with you, making a fuss when her father refused."

"You have no right to talk about her." Ryou ground out as a few tears threatened to return.

"What was her name again?"

"Don't talk about her!"

"Ah yes." The spirit cooed. "Jasille, wasn't it? And if i remember correctly, she was the last straw. Wasn't she?"

Memories flooded his mind. Memories of a kind girl with silvery blue eyes and velvety hair. A happy smile at the ready and a laugh that rang like a bell. "Don't say her name!" Ryou cried as the tears fell. "You don't have the right to say her name!"

A dark chuckle was his reply. "You tried so hard to revive her that day, didn't you?" At these words images unbidden ran through Ryou's head. The image of a pale face, stricken and death like. Her eyes lay half lidded and dull...there was screaming around him as he tried desperately to wake her The spirit cruelly continued his taunts. "You couldn't save any of them, could you? And it was her fate that hurt the most. Wasn't it her fate, as well, that finally triggered the eventual separation from your beloved sister?"

Ryou's eyes widened in shock and locked desperately onto the spirit's. "Please stop!"

The reply came in a scoff. "Oh, no. We are going to continue this. Maybe then you will realize the truth."

"Stop it! You don't know anything!"

"I know everything! I have resided within your soul for many years before making my presence known! I know everything there is to know about you! I even know that you blame yourself for the death of your mother and your sister! The separation from them hurt you deeply! But everyone felt the same way, didn't they? If even your best and truest friend could be hurt then what is stopping that from happening to the only other person that close to you? What was stopping your sister from falling under the same suspicious occurrence, correct?"

"Stop it." Ryou begged again. "Please...stop it!"

"Your sister, with whom you shared everything. The other half of your very being. The two of you were never apart. Unless you were with her, right?"

"I said...I said stop!" Ryou cried

"And yet she died anyway, along with your dear mother as well. I know also something else as well. You wish you had died with them, don't you?"

Ryou froze. Those words reached through him and clamped down on his heart, seizing it. The thoughts he had always held so secretly had finally been voiced, but not by himself. It had been voiced by the one thing he wanted those fears and feelings to be hidden from the most.

"Pathetic." The spirit moved off Ryou's chest, allowing the boy to wrap his arms around himself as he rolled onto his side. The evil duplicate then bent down and knelt next to Ryou, still not satisfied that the boy's spirit was officially broken. "You truly are pathetic to get this sentimental, this emotional over three insignificant souls. However, if you like, I can help you with that." A hand was placed on the side of Ryou's head. "I can ease this pain of yours, you know. I can make it so you never remember any of this. Just agree to become my willing host and I can easily erase all of those painful memories; all of those hurts eating away at your soul. Once I have fulfilled my destiny you can be at peace with yourself."

Ryou simply lay there, his body shaking with pain and misery. He knew the spirit was right. Why didn't he die with his sister? Why had he allowed all his friends to be hurt? He could have lost the ring at any time. Why, then, did he insist on keeping it? He must truly be as pathetic and worthless as the spirit said.

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The life I lead now; in a world where pain is life and life is pain. Or can one even call it life? Am I truly in hell? Have I been living in Hell since the day my father gave me that ring? Is that where I belong now? Did I do something in some way to deserve the pain I have suffered? Do I deserve this chaos? I must if I am experiencing it...I must in some way. The spirit just may be right. In reality...he is right. My life is pain, violence, hate. His hate. My hate. His violence. My supposed non-involvement. In the end all I have ever done was hurt people. That must be why I have been punished...why I deserve this hellish nightmare of an existence. I hurt my friends...my mother and my sister died...I let the evil inside me run free...what have I ever done to deserve more then what I got? The pain caused by the ring...by me...destroyed any future happiness. That is all I know...that is all I get...my life is nothing more...and everything less. Why couldn't I have died with them?

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"Say yes, Ryou." A soft voice whispered into his ear. "Say yes and I can make it all go away."

Ryou felt a hand caressing his cheek. He felt a strange cold calming sensation run through his pain. He slowly began to feel numb. Perhaps...perhaps he should let it all go. Let it all disappear. He wanted to escape the pain. Escape the guilt. He wanted out. He was tired, hurt and saddened. He didn't deserve to be forgiven. He didn't deserve the luxury of being able to forget either, but that was what he was being offered. An escape. All he had to do was step aside. To stop fighting. To let himself be taken over.

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I am dead...deserving of death...deserving of worse...

I am unworthy of life...It should never have been wasted on me...

I am worthless...I am nothing...

Nothing.

Someone, please…help me.

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(flashback)

(voices in the distance. Children laughing)

"Ryou! Hahahah! Ryou, hurry up!"

"Don't run so fast Amane!"

"Oh, beef up! You shouldn't let a little girl like me beat you in races!"

(a confused voice) "But we aren't racing!"

"We are now!" more laughter "To that apple tree!"

"Amane!"

(endflash)

"Amane..."

"...doesn't exist anymore."

(flashback)

"Ryou. Oh, Ryou Bakura!"

"Hi Jasille!"

"Let's go play!"

"Ah! Stop dragging me!"

(endflash)

"Jasille..."

"Gone. Like everyone else."

(flashback)

"Don't forget me Ryou!"

"Beside Amane...your the only friend I have left. I won't forget."

"I'll follow you!"

"You can't do that."

"I'll make daddy let me follow you! We gotta be together! This wasn't your fault!"

"It'll be okay Jasille."

"No!"

"Your way too stubborn."

"Remember Ryou, don't forget me! I'll be following you soon!"

(endflash)

"All it takes, little light, is for you to remain obedient to me. Simply allow me to erase your memories and you won't have to suffer anymore."

flashback

"I don't want you to leave!"

"And I don't want to leave you."

"It's not fair! You didn't do anything!"

"It must be my fault Amane. It never happens to me..."

"That doesn't matter! You didn't do anything! They can't make you go away like this!"

"They want...they want to protect you. So do I."

"But to take you away! That isn't fair!"

"I'll write to you everyday, no matter what. I promise."

"Don't forget me Ryou! Don't ever forget me! When Jasille wakes up again things will be better! Just wait Ryou! And don't forget!"

(endflash)
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"...you can easily forget everything,"

Don't forget!

"I can make everything better."

Don't forget!

Ryou felt a second, calming presence wrap invisible arms around him and the coldness he felt before seemed to melt. The negative thoughts and feelings slowly began to ebb as if chased away. He no longer felt numb and he realized, with a sudden clarity, that if he did forget then he would be betraying the trust of both girls; especially that of his sister. He'd promised not to forget her, ever.

"It's time for your answer," the spirit stated, finally growing impatient. "Answer me."

Ryou remained where he was for a moment, then slowly began to raise himself. He didn't look at the other, but he spoke. When he spoke it was soft. Polite. He didn't even feel the hatred from before anymore. Just guilt and sadness.

"It would be easy to forget, wouldn't it? To allow you to take over me. I wouldn't have to suffer through the memories of the past. I wouldn't have to remember any of my old friends, Amane or my mother. I would be free of my burdens."

"Exactly." The lookalike seemed satisfied with Ryou's answer, but not for long. When Ryou next spoke he had several levels of resolve in his tone. "That is exactly why I can't accept your offer."

"What?" Pure dumbfounded confusion. He had thought he had Ryou in the palm of his hand by now. Ryou turned to face his darker self and the spirit saw a look of resigned appology, though he was certain the look wasn't meant for him.

"If I allowed myself to betray the memory of my sister then I would be no better then you. And if I allowed you to take me over, if I didn't even try to stop you..." Ryou looked up at the void like sky. He thought of Yugi; of Anzu and Honda. Jounouchi's voice seemed to ring in his ears then, reminding him in Jounouchi's blunt fashion that friendship is the source of all hope, a lesson he himself had learned the hard way. Ryou closed his eyes, reassuring himself that he was doing the right thing. When he opened them again he looked the evil spirit firmly in the eyes "...I would most definitely be betraying my new friends. I stand by what i said earlier. I won't let you hurt them."

"I am getting really tired of your little rebellion." The spirit growled. "Fine. If you won't do this the easy way then I will make sure you regret every moment of your existence from here on out. Is that what you want?"

"I will fight you every way I can." Ryou replied. "You will not win!"

The spirit grabbed Ryou's shirt collar again but the boy knocked his hand away with a fierce back hand. The spirit made a move forward and Ryou stepped back quickly. Getting even more frustrated, the spirit lashed out aggressively, throwing a punch at the boy's stomach but making a switch to the side of the head. The blow caught Ryou off guard as he tried to protect his gut and he stumbled, dazed. The spirit then made the punch at his gut and Ryou gasped, falling to one knee. A fist full of the boy's hair was taken, his head forced back. "Fighting me will only make your existence all that harder to bear!"

"Is that all you know how to do?" the boy managed in a harsh whisper, "Hit people you deem...weaker then you? Is that...how you take care of all your problems?"

"That's how I get things done!" was the hissed reply.

"You...don't care about anything, do you?" Ryou asked sadly.

"Power is the only thing I care about." came the bitter reply, "My own power!"

"Power...is nothing, when you're alone."

"Power is everything!" The spirit raged, "The power to control! The power to take revenge! Worship the dark gods and they grant you the power to avenge everything! Everyone will pay for my sufferings! No one will escape my wrath!"

And Ryou finally began to see the smallest of chinks hidden deeply within the spirit's armor. "Your evil...is born out of vengeance and loneliness."

The spirit smashed Ryou's head into the ground. "I WILL NOT HAVE YOU TALKING TO ME ABOUT MY VENGEANCE!"

The spirit stormed off, feelings of intense hatred manifesting themselves in waves of pure energy radiating off his body. Ryou managed to glance up and he saw those waves. Waves of pure evil. The spirit, no matter how sad his background may be, was much too far gone to be saved now. Ryou knew that all his threats were real and that refusing to take the easy way out he had just condemned himself. There would be no reasoning with him. Ryou knew that his fate now lay with his friends: Yugi and the others.

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keemew2: Okay, I am much more satisfied with this now. This will be the final time it is revised, seeing as how any changes this time were minor. Anyway, if it isn't obvious in the story, those negative thoughts of Ryou's were not exactly Ryou's to begin with. They thoughts planted there by the spirit when he touched Ryou's head, thus the reason for the contact. I figure, while the spirit may be able to mess with Ryou's head to degree, he wasn't able to erase Ryou's oldest memories without Ryou to be willing, while shorter term memories are more malleable and much easier to hide. The reason Ryou doesn't remember any of this later on is because of Yami Bakura.