Daughter of the Lost Pilgrimage
"You look…" Sarah started as she watched her sister cover herself up with a sweater while she wore that nightgown merely an hour after lunch was finished. The woman had intensive bags underneath her eyes which were also dabbed in a sheen hint of red. Her hair was all over the place and the typically well-groomed look that she always sported when she went to her job was no longer present.
What was left was a very sad woman that Sarah could not help but feel pity and concern.
Considering she was, after all, her sister.
"…like shit?" Carol offered as she sat down in front of her at the Dallon household's dining table as she brewed another round of tea for herself. The blend's aroma was so potent that Sarah's nose twitched in reaction to it.
"… like you've not been sleeping, Carol."
Her sister took a sip as Sarah watched in deep, full concern with the way she acted and all.
"I'm trying to sleep. It's just some nights aren't as kind as others." Carol admitted, which was a surprise for Sarah, knowing how typically defensive her sister was in most things. Another sign that this was more of an issue that Mark did not really elaborate much on.
"And last night? Was it one of those good nights?" she dared to ask.
Carol looked at her for that question and shrugged. "I think so. In some capacity."
Sarah found herself sighing, deeply this time. She leaned back on her seat and looked at her sister who seemed to notice the upcoming change and shift in their conversation. Before she could say anything, however, Carol raised her hand to stop her as she began talking herself.
"D-Do… do you still have nightmares of that night?" Carol stressed as Sarah watched her sister's arms moving closer to her chest and her fingers cringing on themselves in reflex. "D-Do you… remember what got us these… powers in the first place?"
Sarah blinked at the question as memories of that specific event came to her head. Part of her was still there, lost, and never to remove any of the trauma left by that circumstance of fate, but at the same time, she never let it cling to her with her life moving forward. The wounds were still there, and a developed scar was what remained to cover it.
She was surprised to hear this sort of question from Carol of all people, given she was the one between them that had the most vehement disposition in ever recalling that night at all.
"Where is this going, Carol?" she asked, scared of where her sister was taking their conversation.
The poor woman had a ton of emotions pass by on her face as her lips started twitching. Her eyes began to glaze over as she licked her lips before responding. "It never left me. I… I always found myself looking back at that night, deep down. The wounds are still fresh… S-Sarah. I can't help but always see that small little space between the door where I always looked and prayed for us to be free from."
"Carol… aren't we supposed to be done with this? To move on… to be happy and content knowing that we did actually get out. That we did make it, together."
Sarah watched as her sister began tearing up as she tried to wipe her own tears with her sweater.
"But I didn't… m-maybe you did… but I didn't. I'm… I'm still there." Carol said as Sarah found herself reaching for her sister's hands. Squeezing them as the poor woman looked at her and they both leaned their foreheads with each other. "I never left, Sarah. I-I'm still there." she painfully said as Sarah squeezed her sister's hands further.
"W-Why? Why are you saying these things? Why now?" Sarah asked.
"It's because of Amy."
Immediately, Sarah found herself moving back, by a bit as she stared in shock at her sister. Who remained in tears still. Sarah's own face was mired in pure shock and confusion as the mood in their little interaction changed. Sarah almost felt as if she wanted to let go of holding Carol's hands, but she let the rational part of her mind calm herself down as she looked at her sister.
"What do you mean by that, Carol?"
Carol almost tried to look away as Sarah watched her sister sigh heavily.
"I never wanted her. I never wished for her in the first place." She fully admitted without pausing as Sarah became appalled. "I didn't want to take her in… I didn't want anything associated with that man, being so close to me and Mark. B-but… I-I had to. It was rational…"
Carol's words started to become painful as Sarah watched her in silence, absorbing every word without fail. "It was… what made sense. Mark even insisted on it… we all knew that it was the right thing to do… Jess and Mike weren't ready yet, you and Neil… h-had too much on your plate. Y-you were correct t-that we were the ones that fit. T-that we could be Amy's parents."
"Carol…"
"B-But deep down I just… I just couldn't accept it. You want to know why?!" Carol said as her voice became higher in volume, each word stressed over the other as Sarah watched in concern.
"I-It's because I was paranoid… I'm always brought back to that room, Sarah. Everything always goes back to that damned, fucking room. I always saw that man's face, Sarah, and I couldn't trust people the same again… because I'm afraid. I'm scared of being betrayed again, of being hurt again."
"But Carol, what does this have to do with Amy?"
"Because I saw that man in her, Sarah. I saw… that man. I also saw Marquis. I'm always reminded of them. Of the evil they've done… of the shit they've pulled on men, women, and children, like us when we were trapped in that room."
"Carol, for the love of God, don't you dare compare Amy to them… you know better-
"I KNOW! And that's the point! I did compare her to them. I was always afraid of her, deep down whenever I stared or so much as get her attention… I saw them, Sarah. I always saw them. I… I was afraid that one day… we'll… that one day Amy will be like her father."
Carol was pointing at her as Sarah stared in shock. Carol's emotional high then began to deflate as Carol found herself softly sobbing. She folded back into herself as she continued.
"I tried… I tried to be her mother. B-but even as I did, I was never there. She was just like a passerby to me. A shadow. One that just… existed. I kept it at that, hoping that it was enough, hoping that it wouldn't force me to think back to that night. To think back of the place where my mind always forced me to return to." Carol then looks at Sarah with a withering look of pain.
"… all of that, just for the expense of my mental health. For my peace of mind, I just… left her be."
Sarah then once again placed her hand over Carol's own. "C-Carol, why didn't you say anything?"
"Because I didn't want you to be reminded of that night again. I never wanted anyone in our family to experience that again… but ever since Amy's accident…" Carol then bowed her head. "…I can't help but feel like I was the man that night."
"W-What do you mean?"
"Mark and Victoria are happy… and ever since Amy was hospitalized, every single one of us was so scared, sad, and in pain due to Amy being so close to death's door. When she woke up, she inevitably turned our family into something better, something brighter, as if none of my mistakes ever existed at all."
"Carol…" Sarah said, slowly understanding as her sister continued.
"… and I found myself becoming the passerby. The shadow as I watched all of you become so happy, to the point that Mark finally started to realize what… what I've been doing these past few years."
"Carol, I…"
"…but that's not the worst part Sarah…" Carol said as she looked at her sister intently. "… Amy heard it all… on the night of her birthday. When Mark and I argued about it… s-she heard it all."
The silence washed over them as Sarah's eyes widened to their very extent.
"… I heard her crying in her room as Victoria consoled her."
"So, that's why she had those issues a week ago?" Sarah asked.
"S-she was having nightmares Sarah… and when you, Mark, and the rest handled Lung, d-do you know what she screamed when she had those nightmares?" Carol asked painfully as Sarah stared. "S-she was s-screaming about her mother putting her in the stables."
Sarah looked at her sister in shock and pure utter surprise as she mulled on those words.
"H-How did she know… Carol?" Sarah asked, scared to know.
"I-I don't know… Sarah. B-but it's been haunting me ever since she said it. I… I just feel terrible, b-because I've essentially transformed into the one thing that I've always been scared about at the beginning." Carol said as her sobs started to proliferate.
"No… no, Carol… I..." Sarah found herself clicking her tongue as she was unsure how to approach this as her sister became more erratic by the second.
But before she could say anything more, they both stopped when a voice came out behind them.
"W-Why are you crying?"
Carol and Sarah stared back, unsure of what to say as Amy was there, rolling towards them slowly. Pure concern riddled her face as she specifically looked at Carol.
A FEW MINUTES AGO…
Aunt Sarah was going to come and t-train me! I feel so excited as I crawl upon my bed to squeeze one of my most trusted aides, next to Victoria, Sir Ywain. One of the twelve lion plushies (as my sister calls them) that I have christened as my knights. For this particular situation, I found Sir Ywain to be my aide for today since Sir Bedivere, my lovely silver lion had just finished his station yesterday.
I hugged the lovable plushie into my arm as I moved my body to get myself slowly into my chair. My throne, as deeply wonderful as it is convenient. I had already changed my garments for today in ready for the session with my wonderful Aunt Sarah, but of course, it was only for my top. My dear sister had already changed my state of dress for the rest of my body down earlier today and I think my blue blazer and blouse fit well with my white skirt in all earnest praise that I could humbly give.
As I finally rest my body upon my throne, I configure the convenient controls that came with it. The joystick as father, I mean, Mark has explained to me was already mastered as I move myself towards the door and open it. Sir Ywain remained in my arms, as well as the wand that my dear sister bought for me yesterday.
I still remember the conversation that came with it.
"You know Ames, for as much as I like us reliving the days when we were still little kids, I couldn't really take you serious when you asked for a wand, of all things."
"B-But it's for my magic! And dear Aunt Sarah was going to train me according to father."
"Right… magic, you're really going to go with his huh? I'm sure when you're up and running already you'll be running around the streets looking like one of those magical girls in TV. You know… the baby kind."
I started pounding her back again, almost as if instinct at this point as Victoria laughed. I can't help but blush with her teasing as I remember… h-how… h-how crude the transformation of those magical girls were on the TV. How you could see everything if it were somehow true. I didn't want to be that.
"I will not! I will be like you, perhaps. A dress? A beautiful blouse and scarf? Maybe even a set of pants! J-just so I can help you in being a hero."
Victoria smiles at me as she ruffles my head.
"You can be anything that you want to be Ames. If you wanna be a princess like me, why don't you say so? Though I still don't think a magic wand is needed. You're already magical enough in my eyes, being that you're my sister and all."
I smile at her compliment as I embrace her while we laugh.
We then look at the pink wand with a heart-shaped yellow head at its top.
"Why did you have to pick something so… simple?"
"This was the cheapest I could find."
I frown at her as she laughs.
"What? I'm sure you can magic your way to make it useful."
"Perhaps I will!" I said in a challenge as we both giggled.
I laugh a bit to myself. The wand was not anything special. I could not even flow my mana into it or make any sort of energy flow at all to focus on some of the spells that were still ingrained in my head.
Yet, I will use it still. It was from my dear sister and while she learns in her academy, I will make sure that once she comes back the day is fruitful with the training I will be getting. It's a small step, in the many that I need to embark on within this new life…
But I will gladly embrace it for my family.
The wand will do, for now. I can perhaps use it as a minor conduit. A pointer of sorts to better focus my power into one spot where I can aim its head at. It may not be much, but hopefully, it will act as a stopgap until I can find an actual staff or wand to use.
I did not need any of those two per se, but most of the magic taught to me by Merlin was based upon those principles, and perhaps if I did train I could remove the need for them, but for now I will manage.
Once I rolled myself to the halls of our second floor, I stopped at the newly installed lift in our house next to the staircase. It was fit for the most part for me as I pressed the button to go down. I always admired these parts of the world I was now in. How technology has progressed to such a degree and how humans are so creative in making it. Which is why I was excited if I were to ever meet Dragon.
The heroine who also makes such marvels…
And is also a steel dragon! What more could you ask, right?
I chuckle to myself as I arrive at the ground floor. I rolled around the house and noticed that Aunt Sarah's bag was in the living room, I quickly became excited as my little nap from earlier must have stopped me from hearing her arrive. I then heard what seemed like voices talking to each other as I headed to its source, the dining room.
As I moved closer, I stopped myself when I heard the voices of Aunt Sarah and Mother, er, Carol talking to each other.
Though based on their voices, Carol was crying.
"H-How did she know… Carol?" I hear Aunt Sarah ask as my heart starts beating.
"I-I don't know… Sarah. B-but it's been haunting me ever since she said it. I… I just feel terrible, b-because I've essentially transformed into the one thing that I've always been scared about at the beginning." Carol's voice was heard in full clarity as I found my heart tearing itself in two…
No… it was never about her, I never blamed her for it. It was…
"No… no, Carol… I..."
I made myself brave as I rolled myself, hoping to intrude in their conversation as I… I never wished for Carol to destroy herself with what happened in my nightmares. I then looked at them and said,
"W-Why are you crying?"
I found myself squeezing Sir Ywain as Aunt Sarah and Carol looked at me. I moved closer as Carol tried to look away, only for me to get to her and immediately press my body into hers for an embrace.
"P-Please… I… I do not blame you for it. For any of it… it was just… it was just a nightmare." I said as tears started to come out of my eyes as Carol sobbed into my shoulder.
"Amy… you're mom didn't mean to-" Aunt Sarah intended to explain but I moved my head deeper into Carol's embrace.
"I'm sorry Amy… I'm sorry…" Carol said into my shoulder as I squeezed her tight.
"I… I heard. T-Though, please. Please don't blame yourself. I love you as my mother… and those words were not meant for you. I-It was just a nightmare." I explain as Carol's sobs become more intense.
"B-But… I… didn't you hear everything? I'm-
I wiped Carol's, no, my mother's tears with a genuine smile as I leaned my forehead against hers. I then whispered to her, so much so that I knew Aunt Sarah was hearing it. "I have enough to be thankful for with you, Mark, and Victoria… you are my family, and that is enough for me."
"A-Amy… n-no, please… I can't-
I simply embrace her again as she sobs. Silently, I knew Aunt Sarah watched us, and later I would realize that she too was tearing up with a smile…
Though, even as I defused the matter of which I was totally guilty for, I realized that even without my fae eyes, I could still feel the aura of sadness looming over them.
Even so, I am determined to hold my mother's embrace further with my heart. I hope that in some way or form, that sadness can be mended.
THUD!
My disc had made its target with full intent as the durable, "training dummy" that Aunt Sarah had brought along with my father last night had been hit in the chest. The light of that simple spell bounced off of it before my disc dissipated. A dent still remained upon it like a scar as I mulled over the aftermath.
"D-Did I do well?" I asked Aunt Sarah, as she and Carol watched me with interest.
The wand did do something to help with my aim, though it was still not as functional as I thought at first. My true aim was for the neck, but the disc only hit the dummy's abdomen. Enough to disembowel like those violent movies that I'm always scared of…
B-But a hero does not go for the kill at the very first attempt, right?
"I think you did well, Amy." Aunt Sarah cheerfully said with a clap as she handed the tablet to Carol while she walked to me. "Though, was that really the best energy or yield that you can muster?"
I looked at her and towards the dummy as I felt Sir Ywain's fluffy hair tingle my skin.
"N-No… though I could if it is needed?"
"No, that was just a preliminary test given the output that you can safely make. Though I am happy that you managed to control that burst into something that's non-lethal." Aunt Sarah explained before looking at the scar on the dummy with a slight frown. "At least non-lethal enough to count."
I immediately blush. "S-Sorry… I can work for it to be less powerful?"
"Are you confident in mitigating it enough so that it won't leave a mark?"
"Y-Yes? Though I do have some… spells that don't do much damage at all. Perhaps to stun?"
Sarah looked at me before turning to Carol who nodded.
"Show me…" Aunt Sarah said as I looked at Carol, my mother, who made a small smile at my expense.
"Alright," I said as I thought of one of the spells that Merlin taught me whenever I needed to buy time in order to run away from bad people, or Mors. It did not do any sort of damage of any kind against living targets, it would burn the skin off of Mors, so I suppose this can count…
I remember the very first time I showed Mark one of the pseudo-stars I can conjure. I can put enough mana in it to make it much more powerful but given that they wished for me to have it be controlled and exact, I willed all my effort to make both of them proud.
A small sphere of light appears on my palm. I then noticed Aunt Sarah and Carol look at me with surprise and shock as I threw that orb like what the humans called a 'bomb' towards the dummy.
BWOUM!
It exploded into a blinding flash and managed to tilt the dummy a bit with some concussive force as the two watched me in surprise.
"Wow. That was… magnificent Amy." Aunt Sarah said.
"D-Did… Mark teach you of it?" Carol then asked to which both of them looked at me for my answer.
I tilted my head as I held the wand with both my hands and I wondered why they asked me of it.
"N-No? I have always known how to cast such a spell."
Aunt Sarah and Carol looked at me with piqued interest as I blushed.
"Is there… something wrong?"
"No… we were just surprised, that's all," Carol said with a small smile as Aunt Sarah agreed.
"Good job Amy. I'm already surprised that you're this good at making sure how much to control your power, and given how creative you are with how you use it so far, I reckon the best case that we can train for today is to see the limits of those things along with the creativity you possess."
"I… I see?" I said, straightening my back as she smiled and placed a hand on my shoulder.
"You don't need to be nervous… just know that whatever happens today, we'll both be proud of you." She reassures me as I look at Carol who nods in my direction.
"A-Alright. What must I do then? Instructor?"
I heard Aunt Sarah giggle as we continued my training.
The day went on even as the afternoon passed after that.
I could proudly say that I have something to brag for Victoria soon once she comes home, but it was tiring and taxing to my very small reserves still. Aunt Sarah was not relentless with my training but both she and Carol had put me on a wringer.
Mostly to test my various spells.
Some that I had to remember all over due to how long it was since Merlin had last whispered to me for my tutelage under him.
It ranged from simple spells regarding light-based projected weapons, shields, blasts of lights, various light-based explosives, a slight electric-based field that came from the aura of one of my spells, and lastly even the ability to fly…
To which I ashamedly said that I had no ability nor knowledge of what to do to even begin doing such things. They still supported me to the end, but they were all surprised and impressed with what I could do, so much so that Aunt Sarah and Carol discussed with each other things that I did not understand regarding the classifications of power that this world possessed.
They were very happy with me, even Carol was happy at the results of my first day as I wiped my brow which was wet with my sweat as I grinned at the both of them.
Minutes later, Carol went inside to make us some refreshments as I was left with Aunt Sarah in our backyard. She looked at me as I played with Sir Ywain.
"Amy…"
"Yes?"
Aunt Sarah then places a very warm hand on my shoulder with her other hand holding my own as she looks at me with all genuine intent and conviction.
"Whatever happens, I want you to know… that you are part of this family. Do you understand?"
I smile at her and squeeze her hand.
"T-Thank you… I, I will never forget it Aunt Sarah, nor will I even walk away from such a gift. It… it means a lot to me, for you and everyone else are the family that I have always wished for…" I said with genuine honesty as she widened her eyes at me before giving back a genuine smile in return.
"That you are sweetheart, and I know for sure, your mom, dad, and your sister will always remember that. I will always remember it and I know for sure your uncle and your cousins feel the same."
"I'm glad," I say as we both smile.
We then manage to share a giggle but before Aunt Sarah can join Carol inside the house I squeeze her hand to make her come closer.
"What is it?" she asks.
"W-Will you help me with something?"
"Anything." She quickly says to me.
I then look at the window where I can see the kitchen through it with Carol preparing our refreshments. "I wish to plan something for my m-mother and father. Will you assist me, Aunt Sarah?"
"Sweetheart, I would do anything for you… b-but are you sure?"
"Y-yes… I want them to make up. Not for me… but for themselves. My part would just be to push it along."
She smiles as she squeezes my hand. "You're a good daughter Amy… but sure, why not?"
I lovingly smile at her expense as I explain my plan to her and what needs to be done in order to complete it. She looked at me with genuine glee at my plan as Aunt Sarah even suggested a few things to refine it.
With that part of the planning finished, I would need Victoria to assist me as well…
For I hope that at the end of the day, I will be able to make everything right.
For my family…
Sarah readied her bag so that she could go home as Amy went back upstairs to her room.
The space was once more left to her and her sister as she watched Carol, now much calmer sit on their sofa. Sarah mulled over the offer and plan that Amy had told her as she looked at her sister.
The girl was truly innocent and genuinely loving as she thought about the lengths that she went to for Carol and Mark. She smiled at it knowing that with Amy's determination and Victoria's support they could manage it.
Still, she was worried for her sister. While it was true that a heavy amount of blame can be attributed to her, and she was still appalled by it… she knew that it was misjudgment in their early days that caused this entire rift in the first place. Had they been more rational and understanding, perhaps she and Mark would not have agreed so fast on Amy's adoption. Perhaps they could have helped Carol by talking to her about her issues earlier in life so it would not have resolved this way…
Perhaps they could do all of these things, but those were already gone past them.
What they all had to do was learn… adapt, and maybe atone for their mistakes into something better. Amy championed that change for her sister and her husband. She championed that change into all of New Wave…
And they all had to make sure that the ray of hope that Amy inspired was not wasted.
"Everything will be okay, Carol. I know it." She said as she leaned into her sister's shoulder.
Carol did the same as she sighed once again. "I… I hope. T-Thank you though, for hearing me, Sarah." She said as Sarah smiled.
"We still need to have a meeting about what the PRT and Protectorate said about Amy though, Carol. All of us, New Wave I mean. Given it is important."
Carol then turned to her. "Specifically… for Amy? Why?" she said, suspicion in her voice.
"Let's just say, Alexandria told us about something important… something top secret, and it involves Amy…"
A great big gasp of air was initiated…
Like a cry into the living world as her eyes opened completely like a corpse that came off its grave.
The beeping tone of the machine hastened as her heart continued to thump while panic and a sense of dread entered her system.
It was painful. Everything was burning in pain like she was being bathed in flames so bright that it would burn the corona of the sun. She wished to scream, but her lips, parched and completely devoid of moisture, were painful to even manifest any sort of sound.
She thrashed however, angry and very frustrated over the sensations as the sound of a door being opened and multiple people coming in it to calm her down had forced her heart rate to subside.
Eventually, a man came over to her and looked at her with a straight face.
"Everything is fine… Miss Livsey. Everything is fine."
No… nothing was fine.
AN: Happy Halloween! And I do hope you enjoyed this little foray into Lonely Star… hehe. While I don't want to kick any sort of gear yet to get this ball rolling, I do want to say that any setup you see here is just setup for now… it will all be revealed once this arc for Castamy is done for.
For now, be happy with the snuggles hehe.