Hey lovelies! So sorry it has been forever since I last updated and you have my most sincere apologies! As a way to say I'm sorry I made this chapter extra long. Hope you guys like it and I promise the next update won't take nearly as long. Now, onto what you guys came for: Chapter 17.
When I walked into the War Room they'd already started the discussion. The first thing I heard was Cullen's voice arguing with someone else in the room.
"We don't have enough manpower to take the castle. Either we find another way in, or we give up this nonsense and go get the Templars." The door squealed behind me as I looked to Cullen who was turned almost completely to Cassandra. My eyes trailed from him to her as my eyebrow lifted in confusion. She was stoic, her shoulders squared and ready to argue. No different from her normal look.
"Redcliffe is in the hands of a Magister. This cannot be allowed to stand." She replied in her usual deadpanned tone. She obviously wasn't wrong, having a Magister thrown into the mix was a huge problem. It made me think of Tayen, my heart aching slightly as a shiver ran through my form. It caught Trevelyan's eye and he broke his concentration to look at me. Concern flashed in his eyes as his hand twitched towards me. I nodded to him hoping to answer his silent question as I waved off his hand.
"The letter from Alexius asked for the Herald of Andraste by name. It's an obvious trap." Josephine cut in stealing all of our attention. A trap indeed. It was very intelligent of the Magister. If we accepted the Herald would be cut off from any help and would likely die. If we didn't accept then that leaves the Magister in a position of power that we cannot allow.
"Isn't that kind? What does Alexius say about me?" Trevelyan asked and I lifted an eyebrow at him. Sarcasm wasn't like him, but I saw the confidence in his eyes which shocked me.
"He's so complimentary that we are sure he wants to kill you." Leliana replied from the corner with an impassive look on her face. Josephine's eyes darted towards Leliana and Cullen with a sigh.
"Not this again." She grumbled as Cullen turned towards Leli, but the Herald interrupted.
"Wait, did he not also ask for Quinn?" I looked towards him in confusion before looking back at them seeing Leliana shake her head no. I squinted remembering that Alexius hadn't even given me a sideways glance…which was odd given that I was also a survivor of the explosion.
"At Redcliffe Alexius didn't know that I also survived the explosion…perhaps that had something to do with it?" I asked as I looked to Leliana and one look from her and I knew she had something to do with that.
"Leliana and I decided that it would be best to keep the knowledge of two people with the mark as limited as possible. We haven't disclosed any of the information about you or your mark." Cullen cut in. So that's why. "Leliana felt that it would protect your…identity." He further explained as the Herald and I looked to each other and then at our hands.
"Surely though you don't expect me to stay here while the Herald faces this alone." I replied sternly at the Commander. He'd be a fool and I knew he wasn't. The look on his face told me that he'd already guessed I'd go and he was not happy about it. I was already facing him square on as he looked towards me and shook his head.
"Redcliffe castle is one of the most defendable fortresses in Ferelden. It has repelled thousands of assaults." His eyes flicked over to the Herald who was looking down at the map. "You go in there, you'll die. And we'll lose the only means we have of closing the rifts. I won't allow it." He added making the air of the room dense with tension as we stared at each other. Trevelyan looked over at me and I tore my eyes from Cullen to regard him. It almost looked like he was asking me for guidance without saying anything.
"And if we don't even try to meet Alexius, we lose the Mages and leave a hostile foreign power on our doorstep!" Leliana shot back at Cullen. She was right, but so was Cullen. I remained silent as I watched them argue amongst themselves. I've been in Redcliffe castle. I should be able to help if I could only think of something over their loud arguing.
"Even if we do assault the keep, it would be for naught. An "Orlesian" Inquisition marching into Ferelden would provoke a war. Our hands are tied." Josephine enlightened looking directly at the Herald as I leant against the wall. My eyes darted in between him and the map. He was still thinking, his eyes never wavering from their spot on the map. He looked as if he were stuck in between a rock and a hard place. Wanting to help the Inquisition, but not wanting to die.
"But, the Magister-"
"Has outplayed us." The Commander interjected making Cassandra scowl as she looked at the floor.
"The Magister's son, Felix, told me Alexius is in a cult that is obsessed with me. I doubt they'll graciously receive our apologies and go about their business." Trevelyan replied as he lifted his head. I think it was meant to be funny, but his eyes were serious.
"This will remain a threat, a powerful one, unless we act." Leliana added with a frown.
"We cannot accept defeat now. There must be a solution." Cassandra's words echoed in my ears. We couldn't assault the keep, that'd be certain death. But, what if we could sneak in? Get inside undetected and surprise Alexius. Wait, where the hell is Teagan?
"Where is Arl Teagan? He was still in charge of that castle, yes?" I asked and all eyes went to me. Josephine nodded quietly,
"After he was displaced he rode straight for Denerim to petition the Crown for help. I doubt he'll want our help once the Ferelden army lays siege to his castle." I almost chuckled at that, but hid it from them as I continued to think. Think Quinn, think… Alistair had told me something about the castle when he was talking to me about his adventures with the Hero. I snapped my fingers and looked to Leliana.
"Wait a second! There's a secret way to get into the castle from the town. The windmill or something like that." I said and I saw the sparkle in her eyes as she smiled.
"Yes! It was an escape route for the royal family. But, it is too narrow for our troops. However…we could send agents through, and you of course." She replied as she looked directly at me. Out of the corner of my eye I saw the others looking in between us as we spun the web of our plan.
"It's too risky. Those agents, and the Lady Protector will be discovered before they reach the Magister." Cullen cut in, but I didn't look at him as I smirked at Leli.
"That's why we need a distraction-" I started,
"-Perhaps the envoy Alexius wants so badly?" Leliana finished, both of us with a small smirk on our lips. Cullen looked in between us with a nod.
"While they're focused on Trevelyan, we break the Magister's defenses. It could work, but it is a huge risk." I nodded looking over at Trevelyan who looked back at me. He looked worried, but there was a confidence in his eyes as he watched me that reassured me. Suddenly the door behind us opened making everyone turn to look at the black-haired man walk in. I felt a grin split my face as he sauntered in with a swagger this man could only possess.
"Fortunately for you, you'll have help." He said as he nodded to both of us. A scout ran jogged up behind him with a cautious eye to Cullen.
"This man says that he has information on the Magister and his methods, Commander." The scout informed and was waved off by the Commander as Dorian walked next to me and stood addressing the group.
"Hello again." He greeted with a short smirk. I smirked back and inclined my head as I watched him. "Your spies will never get past Alexius's magic without my help. So, if you're going after him, I'm coming along." He announced as he looked back directly at Cullen whose eyes were unwavering as they turned towards the Herald.
"The plan puts you in the most danger. We cannot in good in conscience order to do this. We can still go get the Templars if you'd rather not play the bait." He said as his eyes drifted towards me, but then back to Trevelyan. "It's up to you." He finished and my eyes flicked to Trevelyan who was looking back at me.
"What do you think, Quinn?" His eyes searched mine for an answer, or council either one.
"Leliana is correct, and I am not one for watching an entire people become enslaved to a Magister." I replied with a short nod. "However, Cullen is also right about the danger of this mission. He will try and kill you, that much is certain." The Herald blanched at my statement, but I placed a hand on his arm. "That's why if you're in this, I'm going with you." I stated as I looked to everyone around us. Cullen stiffened as he stared at me. Trevelyan's eyes were wide as he looked down at me.
"Are you sure?" Trevelyan asked as he looked down at me.
"I wouldn't be a very good protector if I didn't follow you into a suicide mission, would I?" I asked with a small smile as I placed my hands on my hips. "I'll go with Dorian and the agents and sneak in while the Herald and his envoy distract the Magister." I announced as I looked back towards Leliana. She nodded at me with the smallest of smirks.
"Send word to Alexius that we have accepted his invitation." The Herald said strongly looking to each of the advisors. I watched him closely as he looked back to me. I couldn't help but smile that he was getting so confident.
"Are you absolutely sure, Herald?" Josephine asked as she started to scribble on her pad. He smiled over at me.
"How can I lose?" He asked as he looked back towards them. I stared in shock at him, but kept my composure before my eyes shifted to Cassandra who was watching me not with distaste or shock, but with equal confidence. She quickly looked away embarrassed. I looked back to the Herald and then chanced a look at the advisors. Leliana looked pleased, Josephine was intent on scribbling on her pad, but Cullen's eyes were glued to me looking as if he truly wanted to speak up.
"Then it is settled." Cullen finally said as he looked over to Leliana. "Alexius's invitation is for four days from now. You'll leave the day after tomorrow." He added as he looked down at the invitation lying on the table. My eyebrows knitted together in confusion at the way he was acting. I know he wanted the Templars, but shouldn't he be happy that we are going to close the Breach? Shouldn't he just want to get this over with?
"Yes. Lady Protector after we are dismissed come and see me and we will assign you the agents infiltrating Redcliffe castle with you and Dorian." She said as she placed papers on top of each other gathering them up, ready to leave. The meeting adjourned a few moments later. Dorian looked to the Herald and I with a short nod of his head.
"Thank you." Trevelyan said quietly down to me. I tilted my head with a tiny smile before nodding. I held up my marked hand and he clasped it in his own with a grin.
"We're in this together." At that moment both marks shone brightly before dying out back to their normal state.
The rest of the day went by quickly. I'd met up with Leliana to talk about the agents that would be infiltrating the castle with me. She'd recommended a four man group not including me and the Tevinter. She'd expressed her worries about the mission to me, and the imperativeness that I do not fail. It was weighing on me slightly and I did my best to brush it off, to not worry about it just yet. Too much stress was bad and I needed to be at my best. So, I trained and ran over the plan that Leliana had designed. It was smart, and even though she hadn't explicitly said so, she wanted me with Dorian to watch him and make sure he doesn't double cross us. Now, I sat in the Tavern with a mug in my hand. The elf girl from earlier hung out of her seat in front of me yelling profanities at Iron Bull. I smiled quietly to myself as I played with a few strands of hairs that fell in my face. The strawberry scent reminding me of earlier with Josie.
"Ah, Lady Protector I am glad you stopped by. I wanted to make sure that your gift was satisfactory." She said and I smiled with a bob of my head.
"It was. Thank you for that, it was much needed." I replied with a short smile. She returned it and bobbed her head politely.
"Wonderful. I still cannot believe Leliana suggested a dagger. A lady should always have some perfumes and soaps. Especially one of such stature as yourself. I thought it might make you feel a bit more…at home." She said and I fought the urge to stiffen at the mention of my family.
"I haven't considered myself a noble for quite some time, Josephine, but thank you for the thought. It was very kind of you." I replied as I played my hair, running my hand through the soft tresses. She bowed her head respectfully when suddenly the door opened and we both turned to see a noble walking through without a knock. A mask covering his features greeted us and just over his shoulder I saw a soldier.
"I apologize for the intrusion, this man says that he needs to speak with you Ambassador." The soldier said as he held a stack of papers in his arms. The Orlesian man however looked directly at me with interest. I ignored him for the most part as I looked towards Josephine.
"Ah, yes. How may I assist you Marquis DuRellion? I apologize, I was not expecting you for another couple of days." Josephine said as she stood from her desk. Nodding my head silently to Josephine I made for the door. "Oh, Lady Protector, thank you for stopping by. I might have something that needs your attention a bit later, come back when you have a moment." I smiled and nodded as I passed the man when he turned, his eyes slightly wider.
"This is the Lady Protector?" He asked as he looked over me. "I admit, you are not what I was expecting." I paused as I nodded curtly in the doorway of Josephine's room.
"Sorry to disappoint." I replied equally as curt as my nod noticing him stutter before dipping into a bow and grabbing my hand.
"On the contrary, I was not expecting someone so beautiful." He said as he peppered my gloved hand with kisses. My eyes were a bit wide at his ridiculousness and I looked away a bit disgusted at his unwanted affection. Looking away I felt a blush hit my cheeks noticing Cullen passing. His eyes were focused on the Marquis with a strange irritation before looking towards me and averting his eyes just as quickly as I did. The Marquis released me hand a moment later as I looked back at him.
"I thank you, Marquis. But, I must be going." I replied and saw the man from before nodding.
"Understandable, you must be a very busy woman. Perhaps later we shall see each other again." I nodded and gave Josephine a smile before leaving her office and moving out of the room and shutting the door behind me. My eyes scoured the Chantry for a moment looking for the Commander, but I didn't see him. Trevelyan however, was heading my way towards Josephine's room.
I frowned at the memory of a few hours before. The look in his eyes confused me, the irritation towards the Marquis. I wish I could have known what he was thinking at that moment. Actually, I wish I knew what he was thinking at all times, especially before at the meeting. I looked down at my drink before shaking the thoughts from my mind. I didn't need to be thinking about him right now. It felt like he was constantly on my mind though and it was starting to annoy me. For some reason it was harder to stop thinking about him than I'd previously thought. He seemed to invade all my thoughts all too often and I needed to find a way to stop it. He was distracting even though he seemed like he didn't mean to be. It was just…something about him that drew me in. Like a stupid fly to a flame. Think about something else. Talk to one of them or something. The elf girl was laughing loudly and slurring her speech, clearly drunk. Bull was singing with his chargers as he held onto the barmaid. I rolled my eyes at them with a small smile on my lips as I moved to get another drink from the bar. The man at the bar grabbed my tankard and filled it again. I leant against the bar quietly as I waited and looked out of the window. My thoughts drifted to earlier.
"Lady Protector. There you are." He said and I frowned as I looked over and saw Trevelyan behind him. I looked at the two of them in confusion.
"Is something wrong? Is it the girl? Did she...?" I asked quickly as I felt a pang in my gut. Dread filling me at the thought.
"I need you to come with me. I don't wish to make a scene, but you're in danger." He said as he kept his voice down. I looked to Trevelyan and saw the worry in his eyes. Nodding slowly, I walked with Adan, the Herald trailing behind me. We made it to Solas's cabin and we walked inside. Solas looked up at me and got up from his seat.
"Lady Protector, please sit there." He said. I complied and sat in the chair looking to everyone in the room with confusion.
"What's going on? Did you find out what happened?" I asked, noticing the Herald look in between them as well. So he doesn't know, obviously. Solas looked to the girl and then to me.
"I couldn't find anything wrong with the girl that would cause the symptoms she has. I looked into it a bit more and found she had inhaled a poison that was killing her slowly." He replied as he gathered things from the table before supping something blue from a vial. I tilted my head as I looked at the liquid. Lyrium… He must be drained from keeping the girl alive.
"Are you saying Quinn inhaled poison as well? Poison that is killing her?" He asked incredulously. My heart pounded in my chest, but I didn't feel any different. Solas looked from the Herald to me.
"I can't be sure, but you mentioned a gas that the man you were battling threw at your feet. I theorized that maker of the poison-"
"Vaporized it? So that when it was detonated it would spray out in a gaseous form?" I asked, my heart clenching at the thought. The leader had said he'd bought it from a man in Orlais, and there was only one merchant I knew that sold items like that.
"Adan has found that the poison is derived from a plant isn't native to Fereldan, and will keep searching for the source of it." I frowned as I leant forward upon Solas's instruction.
"You should check plants native to Orlais." I advised looking towards Adan who tapped his lips and His hand lit up a pale blue and he began hovering over my back. Adan moved in front of me and handed me a drink. I looked down at it and drank it slowly. It tasted like elf root, but also had the taste of something else in it. Dawn lotus maybe? "I may not be a healer, but I can find the damage that the poison has done and we maybe can…stop…it…" He slowed as his palms stopped over my back where my lungs were. His eyebrows were knitted in the middle of his forehead as his eyes flickered from my back to my eyes.
"What's wrong?" I asked, but he shook his head confusion apparent in his eyes.
"There's a lot of scar tissue on your lungs. It is similar to the one that the girl has from the poison…but, yours are all old. Very old." He said making a frown of confusion cross my lips.
"I don't understand. What about the poison?" I asked as he pulled his hand away.
"It looks like there is a multitude of it. The amount that I'm sensing…It should have killed you hours ago." He said and out of the corner of my eye I saw Trevelyan twitch.
"What?! How is she alive then?" He asked quickly as he moved forward towards me. His eyes widened as he looked to me. "Not that I'm complaining, of course." He added quickly.
"The girl right there only had a little in her lungs, you…you came in direct contact, but you're perfectly fine." He said as he looked to Adan for answers. That doesn't make any sense, unless I was for some reason immune to it. But, the only thing I have a relative tolerance to is the poison that my guild would use. Red Dawn. A volatile mix of red embrium, dawn lotus and arsenic. In correct dosage it'll put someone to sleep, slowing their heart till it stops. In incorrect dosages it'll kill them slowly and painfully, making them feel their own heart slowing.
"If she has scar tissue like this…that means that she's been introduced to this poison before which might just give you a tolerance to the poison. However, if you have a lot of scarring then…you might just have a sort of immunity to it. It would explain why you weren't affected even though you should have been." He replied as he looked down at me. My eyes drifted to the girl who was lying on the bed still unconscious.
"Will she be alright?" I asked not bothering to look up at him. She looked pale, but not feverish and sweaty as she was before.
"She will. We got to her in time, if she had been introduced to as much as you though…I can't say she would have been." Adan said making the dread in my stomach alleviate a little. If she'd died because of me… I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I don't need to worry about that. I just need to leave.
"Thank you for helping her." I replied as I stood and looked to the men in the room. "Also, thank you for your concern. I'm sorry for causing so much trouble." I added as I looked towards the door.
"It's quite alright we are just glad you are alright." He said and I nodded with a thankful smile on my lips.
"Is there anything else you need to check…or can I leave?" I asked and saw all of them look at each other for a short moment.
"Yes, uh I mean the poison in your lungs will dissipate thanks to the potion I gave you earlier. You are free to go if you want. If it's alright with you, I'd like to check up on you a little later just to be sure. If you feel any discomfort please come and see me or Solas as soon as it happens." I nodded and walked out of the room.
The bartender came back and gave my tankard back and I smiled shortly as a thank you and took a large swig of it. The alcohol helping to block out my distracted mind. I didn't want to think about my problems. I didn't want to think about the people I'd nearly got killed…like Lisette. Maker knows there are enough people that have died recently and I have somehow survived. The Divine, my Father, and now almost Lisette. Shaking my head I took another large swig of the spiced ale. It felt like it was taking forever to get slightly drunk and for the first time in a while I damned my high tolerance. Why couldn't I be a lightweight? I looked back towards the girl falling over Herald clearing feeling it or acting very well. Like her. If I could forget the day after two drinks so many problems would be fixed. I drank the alcohol down grimacing at the slight burn of it. My body hummed at the feeling of the alcohol in my system finally starting to take effect. My tired muscles seemed to relax as I leant my elbows against the table.
"What's up, Boss?" Bull asked as he took a seat next to me. I looked over at him quickly, wondering when the massive Qunari had moved from his former seat amongst a horde of women without me noticing. I looked back down at my drink and frowned. Perhaps I shouldn't be drinking so much. Ha, very funny Quinn. I mused to myself before shaking my head at Bull. "Why aren't you celebrating with the others?" He asked, and I shook my head.
"What are you talking about? I am celebrating." I replied as I took another swig of my ale. He chuckled as he downed the contents of his drink.
"Oh really? That's why you've been drinking in the corner?" He asked pointedly, "Also, you keep looking at the door. So either you really want to leave or you are waiting for someone."
"I don't see the reason to celebrate if we haven't won yet." I replied as I took a swig of my ale. The bitter taste disappearing into a warm almost cinnamon flavor.
"You don't think we will?" He asked, but I didn't have an answer for him. I was confident in my own abilities for sure, but still…the things this man could accomplish, this Magister—what if I couldn't stop it?
"I don't know." I returned as I took yet another swig. "We don't know what Alexius is capable of. I mean…time magic, rifts and demons? What does that even mean for us?" I asked and Bull grumbled.
"I hate demons." He said and I nodded in agreement. There was a momentary pause before he spoke again. "Look, the Herald believes in you, if that helps anything." He added and I frowned with my hand gripping the handle a bit too tight.
"It should, but that only makes it worse." I replied quietly and he nodded about to say something else when the Herald turned to me raising a glass. His smile was infectious and any other time I probably would've smiled too, but my mind took a darker turn. His smile was gone and instead of his usual pink cheeks he was pale and lifeless as Alexius stood over him laughing at me, laughing at my failure. It hurt to think about. Suddenly I couldn't bear being in the room any longer. When the Herald turned back around I pushed away from the table and made for the exit noticing the blonde elf give me a drunken quizzical look. When I got outside I felt my heart pounding in my chest and my breathing was short and choppy.I walked briskly through Haven trying to calm myself down. My hands shook as I moved forward when I saw someone jump down in front of me. My daggers flew from my sheaths faster than lighting as I glared at the person in front of me.
"Woah, easy there Quinnie, I'm not one of the ones you wanna stick with those pokey things." She said as she held up her hands.
"Leave. I want to be alone." I grunted as I sheathed my daggers and brushed past her.
"What? So, you can sulk and grump like so many other sods around here? Somethin' tells me you like to have fun. So, let's go."
"No." I told her before walking off, but she wasn't giving up.
"Oh c'mon! I know somethin' that'll be real fun."
"You're not going to stop are you?" I asked as I looked back at her with a frown seeing her shake her head. "Damn." I cursed as I looked around me and placed my hands on my hips. "Fine, what is it?" I conceded and she giggled gleefully as she looked around her moving close.
"We're gonna play some pranks. Give the poor sods some entertainment, you know something to laugh at. They're all so boring, but you…you look like fun." She said and I crossed my arms.
"Pranks? As in putting cream in someone's palm when they're sleeping?" I asked and she made a strange gagging noise before pushing me lightly.
"Nahh, Nothing like that, that's too simple! No, we're only doing fun stuff." I rolled my eyes but nodded anyway.
"Alright, Sera. What did you have in mind?" I asked and she grinned before pulling me along.
"Yes! C'mon!" She called out as we moved through Haven towards Solas's cabin and I stared in confusion as we got close.
"What're we doing here?" I asked and she grinned as she produced some paints from her pocket. Why the hell did she have that in her pocket? I lifted an eyebrow at her as she tapped her lip.
"Well, I asked Solas if he would join us and the egghead said that he'd rather not. Real stuck up like." She said as she looked over. "I was thinking we could paint something…like an egg because he looks like one, or a butt…'cause butts." I tapped my lip with her and shrugged.
"I like the butt idea." I said quietly and she giggled as she nudged me before she got to work. A couple moments later she was done and an image of a butt with air coming from its butt. I let out a giggle that surprised me before I coughed and shook my head.
"C'mon let's go to the next one." She said as she pulled me along. I shook my head as we kept going around looking for something fun when she stopped and looked towards the trebuchet's with a grin. I lifted my eyebrow at her a little confused.
"What?" I asked her as she looked over at me. "We're not going to mess with these are we?" She tapped her lips.
"Maybe not mess with them, but…maybe…." She trailed off and started messing with a bunch of the calibrations and then painted a smiley face with a tongue sticking out on the handle. I folded my arms over my chest watching her. "There. Commander uptight will have a fit when he sees this." She laughed. Pausing for a moment I felt a laugh bubble up as I looked around myself.
"'Commander uptight'?" I asked her with a grin as she chuckled at her own joke. "Alright, what's next Ser-"
"Who's over there!?" A random soldier shouted making Sera and I pause before I laughed.
"RUN!" I yelled and we both took off. I giggled as I sped through the shadows of Haven losing Sera somewhere along the way. I ran, hearing the soldier who had been following me fade into the distance and I giggled as I slid into the Chantry. Once I was in I panted quietly and placed my back against the door. Catching my breath for the moment before looking around the quiet Chantry. My breathing was the only sound in the room making it sound louder than it actually was. I paused as I took in the serenity that enveloped me as the smell of candles and incense burning brought back memories of my time with the Divine. I moved away from the door my eyes scanning the room, but I noticed only a few sisters attending to the candles lighting the ones that had gone out. Offering prayers to Andraste above and to the Maker. My eyes lifted to the ceiling wondering myself for a moment if they would hear the prayers of their faithful down here or if they would ignore them the way they ignored so many before. I heard the door to the Chantry open and I slid into the side aisle hiding behind a pillar. I didn't know why I was hiding, but I would look foolish if I revealed myself now. I heard a familiar pair of footsteps move through the Chantry next to me. Cullen strode through slowly, when I peeked around the corner I saw him staring at the floor. I moved behind the pillars watching him as he stopped and looked around himself before sighing. His eyes lifted to the ceiling of the Chantry as he ran a hand through his golden hair. He looked so tired and so strained. His hair a tad unruly and his muscles lethargic and sluggish looking. My hand laid on the stone as I watched him from behind the pillar as he stopped in front of the statue of Andraste. After a few moments of watching him I noticed him dip his head in silence and it took me a second to realize that he was praying. He looked so calm and I noticed the sluggishness in him seemed to leave like praying to Andraste was comforting him. I tilted my head to the side as I heard him whispering.
"Blessed are they who stand before the corrupt and the wicked and do not falter. Blessed are the peacekeepers, the champions of the just-" The door suddenly opened again and a scout walked in quickly. Cullen lifted himself off his knee and I twisted back around the pillar to hide once more.
"Commander. I apologize if I am interrupting, you asked for the report of the events that took place at the Western Fortress." The soldier reported as he gave Cullen the papers who masked his tiredness with a serious and cordial expression.
"Thank you, have you had a chance to eat yet soldier?" Cullen asked and I felt a small smile come to my lips. The soldier shook his head.
"No suh, I unfortunately have not had the opportunity." He replied to which Cullen nodded seemingly understanding the soldiers' current problem.
"Go get something to eat and relax for a moment." Cullen ordered in a kind almost fatherly tone. I smiled at him as the soldier nodded and bowed his head silently before turning away.
"Thank you, Commander." The soldier thanked and quickly exited the Chantry. My eyes stayed trained on the Commander as he stared down at the papers for a while. His eyes widening slightly before he flipped furiously through the pages and stopped, his eyes scanning the pages before he sighed. His eyes closed and he took a deep breath collecting himself. He looked back up at the statue of Andraste with a strange glimmer in his eye. Something that looked like a mixture between confusion and thankfulness. I watched as he then walked away and out of sight, the door to the War Room squealing open before clanging shut. I stepped out of the darkness after he disappeared, curiosity peaking inside me. What was on those reports? Was it something to do with the Breach? With Alexius? I stood in the same place he did pausing trying to think about what it could have been. I looked up at the statue of Andraste as a second question popped into my head. Why did he look so relaxed in the moments he was standing here? For me it brought no peace. It just reminded me of how many times that I've begged for help, how so many people I've known who begged for mercy from the Maker and none was given. The Divine was his most faithful and he let her die. Where was Andraste then for her people? Where was the Maker?
"You look troubled, child." A kind voice spoke up from the silence and I looked over at her startled for a moment before composing myself. "I apologize I did not mean to startle you." Mother Giselle apologized, but I waved her off.
"Don't worry about it. I was just thinking." I replied as I looked over at the statue of Andraste again before looking back at her.
"Well, Lady Protector, how fares you and the Herald of Andraste's quest to seal the Breach?" She asked kindly almost as if she could see right through me and to the root of my problem. That worried me. How transparent was I? Nodding cordially over to her I replied,
"As well as trying to close a giant rift in the sky can possibly go, I guess." She chuckled quietly at me before nodding.
"A task such as closing the Breach is a heavy burden, but protecting the one who can close the Breach is an even heavier burden." She took a pause. "I hope you do not intend to carry it alone." She added with a small frown.
"And what would sharing this burden accomplish? Everyone here already has so much on their shoulders. Adding more would only cause more harm than good. Right now…I'm just doing everything I can and hoping it's enough." I replied as I looked over towards her with a sedated look.
"Do everything within your power…but remember those who would help you." She said to me with a soft smile as her eyes shifted to the side before moving back to me. "You still look troubled." She noticed making me grimace.
"I just wonder why the Maker put me here. Out of anyone else in Thedas I find it hard to accept that he made the right choice." I replied as I ran my hand along the stone.
"We are all given our purpose under the Maker. A sword does not ask to be forged and sometimes we cannot see the path that he has laid out for us to follow." She advised with a kind smile on her lips.
"But who will have to pay the cost along this path? It seems like the Maker doesn't care who or how many die in the process." I replied as I looked back down at her. She shot me an understanding look. The Divine's image burned in my head and I felt my heart thrum painfully in my chest. Another reminder of my failures. "Divine Justinia was his most faithful follower. She lived by his word, gave every ounce of herself to him and he killed her."
"Perhaps you should blame her killers for her death?" Mother Giselle asked with a lift of her eyebrow. I frowned and crossed my arms.
"If he is so powerful and all-seeing then why would he not save his most faithful? Why-"
"-But why you were saved as well as the Herald?" She asked and hearing it out loud somehow made it worse. My hands fell back to my side as I watched her. She didn't look proud that she'd figured it out, instead she looked sorry for me. She reached out and touched my arm in a motherly way. I pulled away from her and frowned as I ran a hand through my hair.
"I should never have been saved." I replied shortly as I sighed. "I'm sorry Mother Giselle, I cannot imagine this is doing anything for your confidence in the Inquisition." I added as I looked back at her noticing a kind smile on her lips.
"Your humility does you credit, Lady Protector. I can only imagine the pain you are in from the Divine's death. What you went through as well…I cannot blame you for experiencing some doubt." She said with a kinder smile than before. "I just pray you know you are not alone in your grief. Lean on your companions when you need it and offer them the same courtesy." She added with a wisdom that I'd seen only few times as her eyes discreetly went to the door of the War Room. I thanked her quietly as I stood unsure of what she wanted me to in front of the statue of Andraste as my eyes shifted to the War Room door. Cullen was in there undoubtedly hunched over some paperwork his hair ruffled and his eyes tired. Did she want me to go in there? What would being in the same room as him do for me? I looked back towards her,
"Mother Giselle…" I started, but noticed she was gone. I frowned and paused as I looked back towards the door, my feet carrying me forward. My hand twitched at the door handle as I second guessed myself. Should I go in? Should I just leave? My fingers brushed against the cold metal of the door and I pushed it open slowly as the door was being pulled and I gasped. Slow to react I felt myself fall forward. My eyes widened as I fell forward and ran right into someone. They jumped in shock as we both plummeted to the ground. Hands came to my arms as we hit the ground eliciting a groan from my lips as I peeked down at the person under me.
"Lady Protector?" Cullen asked with wide golden eyes. He looked so shocked as he stared up at me, his hands around my biceps. "Forgive me. Are you alright?" He asked as I scrambled off of him into a sitting position.
"I'm fine. Are you alright? You took the brunt of the fall." I replied as my eyes looked over him, the dim light of the candle reflecting off his hair and armor. He stood and held out his hand and I took it. "Thank you." I said to him as I looked towards the door. Why had I come here? What was the reason? Let him ease my worries? In truth, I had no idea why I walked into this room, her subtle nudges had just made me want to.
"Is something wrong?" He asked and I inhaled quickly as I was torn from my thoughts. I thanked the Maker I wasn't drunk or this would've been a very awkward encounter. My eyes wandered to him and in this moment, against the candlelight he looked inexplicably attractive. His hair mussed from where his hands had run through it, falling slightly onto his forehead. His golden eyes looking molten in the candlelight that drew me in. It took me a moment to realize that I hadn't responded and a furious blush erupted onto my cheeks. "What is it? You're flushed, do you have a fever?" His hand was suddenly on my forehead as he inspected me worriedly. Looking away I ran a hand through my hair busying myself with examining the wall.
"It's nothing, I'm fine." I replied quickly as I stared at the far wall. Maker what was I thinking? This was such a bad decision. I shouldn't even be here. We barely got along and now I'm here with him alone. This was a mistake. "I'm just going to go-"
"You don't have to." He replied quickly and I looked towards him in confusion. Huh? Why not?
"I wouldn't want to bother you, you appear to be very busy." I replied, noticing him turn to look at the stack of papers sitting on the opposite side of the table. Maker such a mistake. I
"You can stay. I'm just finishing up here." He said and I noticed the untouched food sitting next to his mountain of paperwork. "If you want to that is." He added a bit more unsurely. I frowned as I leant against the door, curiosity peaking as I tried to think of the last time I'd seen him.
"You've been here this whole time?" I asked watching his head bob mutely as he placed a few pieces on the war table. I moved closer to his side of the table and sat down on the corner of it where pieces had not yet been placed and stared down at the clusters of 'troops' represented by his lion pieces as he placed them. He looked over at me as I crossed my legs watching as he pulled back his hand from the table. My fingers plucked one of Leliana's pieces from the board and I twisted it around eyeing the raven thoughtfully.
"What are you thinking about?" He asked as he stared at me. My eyes flicked up to him and I quickly looked back down to the piece.
"I was just thinking this piece might be me." I replied with a fond smile noticing the lift of his eyebrow in confusion. "Or was me…Leliana used to have a personal table where she'd have pins stuck to represent each of her agents. I once asked her which one was me and she grabbed one that had a sparrow on top of the pin. Apparently, she'd had it specially made for me, as her other important agents had one. After a while, mine was the only 'special' one on the board." I said as I placed the piece back down in its place.
"They all died?" He asked and I nodded as I leant against my palm viewing the table with a strange nostalgic feeling.
"Yes, but 'tis the life of an assassin slash spy slash thief even under the protection of the Divine. You risk your life walking out of the door. Some couldn't handle that and some died for it." I said as he stared down at me,
"But you could?"
"Yes. I used to love the thrill of it. The possibility of death only made it better. I'd do incredibly reckless things, things that none of the other assassins dared do; just to get a rush. To just…feel something-" I paused at the realization that I'd said more than I should. My eyes darted to his to see if he noticed and felt my stomach twist into a knot when I saw the sadness in his eyes. "Pretend you didn't hear that." The order fell from my lips in a harsher tone than I wanted. He didn't look offended however, instead it seemed to add to his sadness; it made me cringe. I folded my arms over my chest and stared down where he'd placed his pieces.
"You weren't happy there?" He asked making me cringe at him deliberately ignoring my order. I let out a sigh and shook my head. He's not going to stop questioning me, is he?
"Actually, I was very happy with the Divine. I owe her…more than I can express." I replied as I stared straight ahead of me.
"Then why…?" He trailed off as I leant against my hands, a sigh of impatience leaving my lips.
"The Divine did everything she could for me, but there was still something missing." I paused closing my eyes at the memory of the deplorable and reckless things I'd done. Anything from gore and violence to random one-night stands.
"What were you missing?" He asked. My eyes snapped open and flicked to him with a somewhat annoyed expression.
"You ask a lot of questions, Commander." I quipped as I watched him. "Are you that interested in me?" My eyebrows wiggled and I saw him smirk at me before looking down at the map. Huh? What was he smirking about? "What's that smirk for?" I asked as I tilted my head to the side. He kept his smirk as he stared down at the map, something about it making his amusement heighten. I frowned and rolled forward onto my knees crawling towards him to see what was so amusing. His head popped up as I inspected the paper that he was looking at, but it was just a report from a random scout. I looked to him noticing our eyes were level and I lifted an eyebrow. "What is so amusing, Commander?" I asked noticing a strain in his face as he gulped.
"Are you that interested, My Lady?" He asked smugly before taking a step back from the table. I lifted an eyebrow before a grin split my face and I laughed at him as I sat back on my calves before swinging myself around and letting my legs hang off the table. He chuckled as well as he took a page and eyed it, his demeanor changing to the stoic one I was used to. I peeked at the paper and saw that it was Leliana's approved personnel for the mission in a couple of days. My eyebrows pulled together and I frowned as I felt tension in the air.
"You're worried." I observed as I place an elbow on my knee leaning against my fist looking to him. It was easy to see his emotions, whether he made it that apparent or just my perceptiveness. His eyes flicked to me quickly before going back to the paperwork.
"I am." He replied as he stared down at the paperwork. "There are too many unknowns about this plan." He said and I nodded in response watching him. "But, you probably aren't worried, are you? As you said, you're confident in your abilities." He added.
"Would it make you feel better if I wasn't worried?" I asked with a comforting smile. His eyes found mine.
"Would it be true?" He asked as his eyes scanned mine.
"No." I replied, "But, if it'll ease your mind…" He shook his head.
"I'd rather just hear your thoughts." He replied again making me frown as I straightened my back.
"I'm worried that I'll fail, that I'll survive instead of the Herald." I added as honestly as I could. He frowned as he pushed away from the table lightly.
"I've been so focused on…I didn't think about how it would affect you." He replied and I looked away about to tell him not to worry about it. It's understandable that he wouldn't. He has a lot on his mind and I'm probably at the very bottom of the list he's got going. "Would you like to take a walk with me?" He asked me suddenly and I looked up at him startled. I looked down at the massive stack of papers still sitting by his hand.
"Are you sure?" I asked, eyeing the papers but, reassuringly he nodded and pushed the stacks towards the end of the table as I hopped off. For a second the world wobbled around me and I dizzily, but discreetly grabbed the edge of the table. My mind wracked over why I suddenly got so dizzy, I knew it couldn't have been the alcohol. It may have loosened my lips a little, but I was also convinced that was Cullen who was able to do that. He had this power to drag things from me that I didn't want him to know without even trying. We walked out of the Chantry and through the snow the ground crunching beneath us as we moved through Haven. "So, where are we walking to?" I asked as my arms swayed by my sides. I tried to ignore the cold that nipped at my skin.
"I want to show you something." He said and I lifted an eyebrow at him. His eyes were set on the path ahead of us and I felt like he was about to give me some sage sort of wisdom.
"Hmm…very mysterious. I'd be surprised if there was much in Haven I hadn't already seen." I replied as I looked about me. Haven was lit by torches, the moon and Breach shining down on us illuminating the ground. He pushed open the gates to Haven and we both moved out. I expected him to turn left, but instead he turned right and headed towards the thin forest. My eyebrow lifted, but I followed him anyway. I became aware of the shadows that were around me as I stayed in stride with him. We passed a small house and walked around the back of it and through a gate. We kept walking and I swear we'd walked up a good portion of the mountain when he stopped and looked at a couple of large rocks in front of us.
"We're here." He said and I lifted an eyebrow as he walked forward. Just when I thought it couldn't get more odd he climbed on top of the rocks and sat down at the top.
"What is it with you and sitting on rocks?" I asked with a small smile on my lips.
"We Fereldans are simple." He said and I laughed at his joke shaking my head. "Come on, sit." He said with a lazy smile. He was so serious and cordial…it was nice to see him like this. And rare. I followed his lead and climbed on top of the rocks and instantly I saw what he was talking about.
"Woah." I whispered as I looked forward at Haven below and ahead of us. It looked like a cute little scenic southern town my Mother had talked about in her bedtime stories. I felt a bright smile come to my lips noticing him smile at my reaction. "You found this?" I asked as I looked towards him. He shook his head,
"No, I caught wind of some soldiers and scouts coming out here to…er…consort. I couldn't have them skipping out on their duties." He explained and my mouth dropped as I looked at the rocks we were sitting on.
"Wait…you brought me to a hook-up spot?" I asked noticing the bright red blush that crossed his cheeks. My amusement rose as I watched him get flustered. "I'm a little surprised but…it's not a bad place to-" I joked trying to make him turn redder.
"Maker's Breath that is not why I brought you here!" He interrupted as he looked over at me shocked. He coughed into his hand and straightened his shoulders. "Actually, that is not what they were doing out here. The rumor that they were consorting was actually just that, they were coming here to do this. Just get away with a breathtaking view. That's why I brought you here." He said as the red in his cheeks started to fade. I smiled at the view as I sat cross legged on the smooth rock, the snow crunching as I got comfortable. The gusts of wind chilled me and I hugged my arms as I watched the snow start to fall.
"Well, your soldiers were onto something. It's certainly beautiful and I needed to get away." I said with a small smile as I titled my head to regard the quant town.
"I meant to ask, why aren't you celebrating? I imagined you'd be there for the rest of the night." He said and I frowned as my eyes moved to the Tavern. I could almost hear the loud, drunken shouts of my companions from here.
"I needed some air." I replied and he lifted an eyebrow.
"Did something happen?" He asked as he gave me his full attention. My heart pounded in my chest at the horrid thought of the Herald dying because of me, at the fact that I
"I don't really wish to talk about it." I replied as I watched the town below us bustle with night life as soldiers returned to their tents. I imagined somewhere in there the Herald was stumbling drunkenly back to his cabin. After a couple moments of silence I shivered at the cold and hugged myself tighter as I let out a yawn. It was then that I realized I hadn't slept in a while.
"Where's your cloak?" He asked and I frowned thinking back to where it had gone. "Is it still with the girl?" He asked again. I answered him with a nod as my eyes wandered looking for Solas's cabin noticing his was the least lit. Perhaps he's asleep? I wonder how the girl is doing. He'd explained that she'd be alright…sort of. I hadn't heard Cullen get up, but jumped a little when I felt him gently lay his furry mantle on my shoulders. "You know, I should probably just keep an extra one of those on me at all times." He joked as he sat back down a bit closer. I thanked him as I curled up inside of his mantle, it must've looked humorous because he let out a little chuckle.
"What?" I asked with a smile as I poked my head out of the furs. He smiled as he looked away.
"I forgot how funny that looks. You're considerably smaller than me. It makes you look smaller." He said with a laugh. I laughed as well and nodded.
"Now thinking about it, imaging you wearing my cloak would look hilarious as well." He laughed at that and shook his head.
"I think you mean ridiculous." He corrected as I kept the fur around me. My hands clutching it as he watched me. I yawned and felt my head bob to the side before I righted myself.
"Tired as well?" I shook my head as my eyes hazily moved over Haven.
"No." I replied when suddenly a yawn spilled from my lips. "Okay, maybe a little." I said as I leant against my knees feeling myself slipping from consciousness.
"When's the last time you slept?" He asked and I thought back for a moment.
"I napped for an hour or two before we came back here with the girl." I said and he frowned at me shaking his head.
"You need more sleep than that. It'll wear you down." He reprimanded and I knew he was right. I felt my eyes start to close again and nodded tiredly.
"Pot calling the kettle black?" I asked hearing him chuckle quietly. Cullen moved over and placed a hand on my shoulder.
"Come, you should get to bed." He said, but my I shook my head as I touched his hand.
"Just a little longer?" I asked and he looked down at me with a twinge of confusion in his eyes, but nodded and sat down next to me. I leant my head against his shoulder. "Cullen, for what it is worth. I'm sorry for the way things have been between us. I know I'm not the easiest person to get along with and I'm sorry for the things I've said to you." I said and he nodded as he opened up his arm silently and the action surprised me. His arm went around my shoulders.
"I'm sorry too." He told me as we sat next to each other looking over the town as the snow fell. "The things I said to you as well, it was unworthy of me. You didn't deserve that and I should have trusted you." He said and I smiled as I hung my arm around his waist.
"The truth is…you were right most of the time and I just didn't want to hear it. It wasn't your fault." I said and I felt a small smile cross my lips as I enjoyed being next to him. "Up here, so far away it feels like we're not even part of the Inquisition. Just two regular people." I said with a small smile as I sleepily stroked his mane-like cloak. "Like there isn't a Breach, no war…just peace…it's nice." I said and he nodded as he looked down at me.
"I feel the same." He said as we sat, my eyes closing as I relaxed against him. It was a little while later when he shifted and I woke looking up at him sleepily. "Come, we should head back down so you can sleep." I nodded and he helped me up and I lazily stumbled through the snow. He shook his head and looked to me like he would a small child. "Do you want me to carry you?" He asked and I nodded sleepily in response eliciting a sigh that also sounded quite amused. Quicker than I thought he could he pulled me onto his back and hooked his arms underneath my legs. My arms hung over his shoulders and I murmured my thanks as I leant my head against his back. He shook his head with a tiny laugh as I dozed off against him. Somewhere between consciousness and unconsciousness I heard a door creak distantly. Foot falls against wooden floorboards and a moment later I was shifted off of my resting place. I was held against the person as a series of movements rustled what sounded like sheets.
"It's a good thing you're light." Cullen murmured as he placed me down gently on something soft. My bed? I felt him pulling at my boots and a moment later I heard them click against the floor by the bed. The blankets were pulled over me as I was about to lazily open my eyes, but they wouldn't open. There was silence for a moment and I thought he'd left until I felt his hand brush the hairs out of my face gently. "Good night, Quinn." He murmured as he pulled away and a couple heartbeats later the door shut quietly.