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I sat in silence. My heart felt like a lead weight in my chest. I felt so hollow inside and my head was spinning. I felt like I wanted to cry, scream and puke all at the same time. The pain of what I'd done, the pain of knowing that I'd taken Avis's life. The boy who had been my little brother… My head was leant against the wall with my eyes closed a throwing knife dancing between my fingers, practiced and precise. I'd rubbed away the tears that had escaped long ago and now my eyes felt dry and cloudy. He didn't deserve that life. Maker, I wish I could have done something different. Helped him somehow. I kept telling myself I had no choice but to kill him. To put an end to a threat to me and the people of Haven. If I hadn't he would have hurt people because of me. I let out an audible sigh. Or maybe I did it because he was a piece of my past that I didn't want exposed. No. I wouldn't do that. I wouldn't. I told myself adamantly, but a whisper of a thought told me that I could've done it for that. To keep myself, my identity, protected. My head was spinning around thoughts of my old family and on the man that took Avis's body away. He seemed familiar, but I couldn't put my finger on it. I remembered all the members of the Guild that lived in my home, but him...I didn't. A frown came to my lips. Now to add to the problem, Cullen had seen. Damn him. Why was he always in the wrong place at the right time? Ugh. Placing my fingers to my temples I tried to ease my mind. It had been running in circles for hours around these problems and now I just felt numb. I knew I needed to focus on the mission that would be taking place today. I knew I needed to be at full attention for whatever was to come. If I let this distract me...well, I couldn't let it distract me, but honestly there was no helping it. With a shake of my head, I leant upwards. I couldn't sit here any longer in my sorrows. My body responded numbly as I stood and everything felt hazy. Rolling my shoulders I looked around my room, my eyes shifting to my bed, but I immediately shunned the thought. No doubt the nightmares that await me there. Looking away I thought of the mission as my eyes went to my daggers and with a nod I grabbed them and shoved them into their holsters on my hips and left the cabin. I looked to Oran and Jim as I left.
"I'm going out." I said, but they made moves to follow. I held up my hand and shook my head. "Alone." I muttered before I took off through the snowy streets of Haven. I trotted down the steps of Haven as I went to my training area and plucked my dagger from the snowy ground. I needed to be sharp. I needed to be ready. This was the only outlet I knew of. The only one conducive to my purpose anyway. Closing my eyes I took a heavy breath and began. My eyes were shut as I focused all my frustration, my anger, my sadness forward and leapt for my targets with precise hits. Each blade knicking the targets vital points. Vaulting and slicing I landed on the final post as both of my blades flew out to their respective targets embedding in the small red circle.
I assaulted the training dummy, my fists flying as my elbows blocked and my legs kicked. My whole body engaged in hand to wooden post combat. It got boring sometimes, but there was really no one to practice with. Not when my Father refused to let Tayen and I be alone in training anymore… not that we listened. But, he was on a mission today and I'd been left here. It made me furious. I punched the target too hard and the stand flew backwards and toppled onto the floor. I panted as I wiped the sweat from my forehead and moved towards it to set it back up when I heard someone from beside me.
"Wooooowwww. You're amazing." Avis drew out in wonder as he watched me. I lifted an eyebrow as I looked between the dummy and him.
"Thank...you? I don't believe anyone has ever called my lack of anger management 'amazing'." I replied with a smirk. He frowned and scratched his arm as if he were nervous. "But, there's nothing wrong with that… different is refreshing every once in awhile." I added noting the distress in his wide eyes brown eyes.
"The other kids...they...they don't like me. They think I'm weird." He said as he looked up at me. "Because I love Red, because-because I don't want to kill anything…" He whimpered as little tears started to fall down his cheeks. I frowned as I looked to him and then looked towards the door. With a short nod I dropped my hand into his shoulder. He was older now, twelve years old. Still so young and innocent…
"Do not listen to them, Avis. You are...a kind and wonderful person. Caring for something or someone doesn't make you weird." I replied and he stared up at me with the shine back in his eyes. He was ignorant however of my Father's presence in the shadows. Watching and listening to my words.
"Your Father...he said that people who care are weak." My eyes narrowed as my they darted to the shadows before returning to the boy.
"Would you say that I am weak?" I asked eliciting a quite feverous shake of his head. "Well, I care about you and someone else very much. Believe me. It doesn't make you weak. It makes you stronger. It is only when you have someone or something to lose that you realize how precious life is." I told him making his eyes widen. His arms were around me in a split second.
Forgetting my daggers, I I punched the target hard as a particular sting spread through my knuckles. I ignored the pain as I continued to punch the sack taking delight in the exasperated puffs of dust fly from it.
"You know, I think you eavesdrop on me more than you actually speak to me, Father." I called out as I turned to the shadows to see him standing there. He didn't look pleased.
"What you told that boy, it is not the way of the Assassins." He replied as he stepped from the darkness, the light of the training room leaving heavy shadows around his eyes. I crossed my eyes as I looked towards where the boy had disappeared.
"That boy is not an assassin. He's not like us." I replied with a frown in my Father's direction.
"Then he has no use to me and will leave my home." He responded flippantly. "I do not need soft hearted boys who sings to birds." He added with a look of distaste.
"He has nowhere else to go. You know he is an orphan." I pointed out, appalled that he would suggest this. "You cannot just throw him out on the streets!" I argued as I turned towards him.
"This is my house. My rules. If you are of no use to me, then you are forced out." He replied with an impassive look. I shook my head, a snarl on my lips as I looked away from him. My Father is a cold hearted bastard, but even I didn't think that he would suggest just throwing Avis out.
"Would you throw me out if you no longer had use to you?" I shot back with a strong glare in my eyes. He chuckled as he looked down at me. His hands behind his back, a condescending smile on his lips.
"My daughter, you will always be of use to me. It's in your blood to be an assassin. You will always be an assassin, you can't help it." He said as he waved his hand around him. "This is your birthright, Sparrow, your family." He added with a firm grip on my shoulder. "Which means, unfortunately, that your infatuation with Tayen...must come to an end. If you are ever to reach your true potential." I jerked away from him.
"It is not an infatuation, Father. You once loved something, I'm sure. I love Tayen." I said as I pulled my lips tight into a look of displeasure. "No matter how much you wish I didn't." I added as I turned from him.
"I can rectify that, you know?"
"Nothing you can do or say will make me stop loving him." I hissed as I twisted back towards him. He masked his emotions better than anyone, but I knew he was angry. His nostrils were flaring ever so slightly and the cold look in his eyes was all too familiar. He walked past me, but paused giving me a stern look.
"If you value your life and your rank, you will think about what I said. That boy can bring you nothing but pain and suffering." He growled and looked away from me with a defiant shake of my head.
"Don't you have a meeting with Gideon?" I asked without looking at him hoping to give him the hint to leave as I stared at the wall. "Tell him I said hello." I dismissed as I instead walked away.
I panted lightly as I stared at the target, backing away slowly. I needed to keep burning off steam as I turned to my balancing post and swept hair out of my face. Gently, I placed my hands onto the post and lifted myself up, my feet parallel to my hands. I held it for several moments and slowly I lowered my body rolling through every muscle. Sweat rolled off my forehead onto my nose. I let out a breath through my nose before rolling a bit more, my back arching as my lead lifted and soon I was suspending my body in a plank style pose. I took several calming breaths as I controlled my body with perfection. I heard the snow crunch ahead of me. If I was correct no more than twenty meters away from me. My eyes flicked up towards the sound and I forced my body up and bent backwards so I landed on the next post. Ahead of me I saw the blonde back of a head and a big fluffy mane. I lifted an eyebrow as he attempted to creep away.
"Leaving so soon, Commander?" I asked and noticed him stiffen mid-step. He turned around sheepishly as he ran a hand over his neck.
"I did not wish to disturb you, My Lady." He answered as he turned to me fully. My eyes ran over him before shrugging.
"Did you need something?" I threw over my shoulder as I ripped the two daggers from their targets and shoved them into their holsters. He hesitated. My eyes shifted to him with a frown on my lips.
"Couldn't sleep." He responded quietly from the same spot he'd been standing in for the last couple of minutes. I let out a humorless laugh, flashing him a smile.
"Look at us. Opposites do attract." I replied. "I guess as long as they're both insomniacs." I added quietly. Shockingly enough he chuckled at that.
"I don't think we're so different." My eyebrow lifted at that a sliver of a sarcastic smirk on my lips.
"Oh, believe me, Chantry Boy. We're different." I replied as I swept my hair aside and swung up onto the bar and sat on it. "Our previous professions should be enough proof of that." I added thoughtfully as I kicked my feet.
"Perhaps," He started as he moved forward towards me. "But, I thought you didn't judge people based on the lives they used to live." He twisted my words around and it made me smirk.
"I'm not judging. I'm just observing that our lives led very different paths. I mean, if you think of it, it's a series of freak accidents and insane odds that we even met."
"Freak accidents and insane odds seem to be your specialty." He responded eliciting a snort of laughter through my nose. "Sounds a bit like luck."
"Are you saying that I'm lucky to have met you?" I asked with a lift of my eyebrow. He leant against the tall post and crossed his arms as he looked up at me.
"Not at all. I'd rather none of this happened, even if it meant not meeting you." I looked away from him nodding. If I could save the Divine, my Father, Avis...I would take that even if it meant not meeting him, or anyone here. "Not that I don't-I mean. It's-"
"You don't have to explain yourself." I interjected as I swung down onto a post. "Not to me." I added as I looked to him. "This world is...it's not what it was supposed to be." My hand ran through my hair as I pulled my dagger and for the first time I noticed the blade still had splashes of blood on it. There was a silence from Cullen, like he was hesitating to say what he wanted to.
"I'm sorry for what happened, Quinn." He announced making a chill roll down my spine.
"Avis...made his choice." I replied slowly as I gripped the dagger tighter in my palm. "His passing. It won't distract me…"His feet shuffled behind me. "..you have my word." I added as I threw the dagger into the red circle of the target once more without looking. I nearly jumped, however, when I felt his hand on my shoulder.
"It's alright to grieve." He said quietly making me frown.
"Not right now it isn't. Too much rides on our success. Too much accounts for my mind on the mission." He was silent as I turned towards him, but immediately I regretted it. The golden worry in his eyes reflecting the green of the cursed Breach and the moon above us. "I can't be distracted." I added a bit quieter.
"Did you sleep at all?" He asked and I paused at the seriousness in his tone.
"I've never been one to sleep before a big mission. Plus...well, let's just say I'm a restless sleeper." I added as I turned away from him.
"The nightmares?" He asked and I paused again. What did Jim tell him? "I don't mean to pry, but Jim was fairly frantic this morning. Said you had been crying out in your sleep. That you'd often have nightmares, but never that bad." I tapped my fingers against my arm as I hugged myself the wind blowing by like ice against my skin. I frowned to myself as I dismissively waved a hand and faked a smile.
"Jim overreacted." His eyes never left me as I walked to the bar again and swung up doing a handstand and swinging again creating a lot of momentum.
"You're not a burden, you know that, right?" He asked as I swung up again and held it, my abs burning from the workout so far. "I've said it before and I'll say it again. Just talk to someone. Leliana, Varric...that bard from tonight. Just someone." He implored as I swung up again and brought my legs up and under so that I was crouching on the bar watching him.
"Not you, though? Don't want to know all my secrets anymore?" I asked with a smirk on my lips. He was staring up at me with a frown on his lips.
"I am at least intelligent enough to not ask for you to confide in me. I'd rather you confide in me on your own terms. Therefore, I'm not even going to suggest it." He stated as he folded his arms over his chest.
"And if I were to confide in you? What would you do?" I asked curiously. I didn't want to confide in anyone. "Would you try to fix me? Tell me I wasn't alone anymore?" I added in a mocking tone.
"I am in no position to fix anyone, nor do I believe there is anything about you that needs 'fixing'." He said and I lifted my eyebrow. That was a damn good answer.
"Sweet Talker." I grinned at him as I kicked my feet out and placed my spine against the bar so that I was laying on it perfectly balanced as I brought my hands under my head like a pillow staring up at the Breach. "It's a beautiful night." I whispered as I stared up at the sky that wasn't inhabited by the Breach. I heard his feet shuffle towards me.
"Could you please come down from there?" He asked and I looked over at him in confusion.
"Why?" I asked and he frowned as he stepped forward as if he'd need to catch me.
"It worries me that you're that high off the ground. You could break your neck." My eyelids drooped in annoyance.
"This makes you nervous?" I asked and he nodded. "Well, that's only because you can't do it." I said with a grin before slipping my hands under me and elegantly swinging down next to him. He watched me, backing away slightly. "Don't be shy, Commander. You're going to try it." I told him before looking him up and down. You might want to take off that armor though. It'd be a bit difficult for you." He stared at me in utter confusion before shaking his head.
"I apologize, Lady Protector, but I don't think I can-"
"Chicken." I interrupted and his eyes widened slightly.
"What did you just-"
"Sorry, Commander Chicken." His lips were a thin line and I had to bite back the laugh that threatened to spill from my lips. "My, my, the fearless Cullen Rutherford won't even swing on a bar." I tsked at him noticing that same competitive spark in his eyes coming back. I turned with a grin on my lips and waved my hand. "Maker, what will the troops think?" Behind me I heard clunking around and I turned to see Cullen removing his armor until he was only left in his black shirt and brown pants. I smirked to myself.
"Alright, show me how." He ordered and I shot him a quick two fingered salute as I leapt onto the bars and looked to him.
"Come on." I told him and he looked to the bars before leaping forward and missing. I giggled as he landed in the snow before trying again. This time he grabbed onto the bar and looked over at me.
"What now?"
"Now, you swing your legs. Like this." I said and swung my legs back and forth with wide strokes. Soon I did a complete revolution and then vaulted off to look at him. "Yeah, just keep kicking your legs until you feel you have enough momentum to throw yourself upwards. Keep your hands on the bars and you'll do a revolution." I said as I moved my pointer finger in a circle to illustrate what his body would be doing. He had a look of concentration on his face as he attempted at his first revolution, but came short. He swung back far, his eyes wide before his momentum brought him back forward and he swung around in a complete circle. I grinned as he swung gracelessly over the bar before returning with wide eyes. I grinned and clapped quietly for him. "Nicely done, Commander." I said and he swung his feet again and attempted at another revolution when look of pain cross his face and his left hand slipped off of the bar. My eyes widened, but I was too late to move. He was thrown into me, his eyes wide as he let out a startled cry and I hit the ground with him on top of me. My hair splayed out beneath us as I grunted in pain. "Ow," I groaned, flattened to the ground under him, "Get off of me, you big oaf." I grunted and he groaned as well as he pushed himself off slightly with his right hand.
"I-Forgive me, My Lady. My hand slipped..." He explained as he stared down at me looking over me for damage. "I didn't hurt you did I?" I shook my head as I watched him.
"No." I said as my eyes went to his left shoulder, my eyebrows knitting together. "I thought you said that it was completely healed up." I said as I pulled aside his shirt to see the edge of the wound. My eyes were locked onto the edge of the dark pink scar.
"It is." He replied quietly as my finger traced the edge of it. "The muscles are just a bit sore around it." I nodded as I looked up at him with a short smile on my lips. I noticed him staring down at me with his whiskey eyes. It made my heart thump loudly in my heart and my breathing hitch. I hid it well as I grinned up at him.
"You're trouble, Commander." I said as I stared back at him. I saw a glimmer of a smile as he moved off of me completely with a blush staining his cheeks.
"As are you, Lady Protector." He replied as he helped me sit up. I was so close to him that I could feel the heat rolling off of his skin. Maker he was intoxicating. His citrus and musk scent, his eyes, his warmth and kindness. Maker I felt like I was losing my mind. He drew me in without words or movement, just those eyes and this feeling... Hs eyebrows knit together as he stared down at me as his hand hovered unsurely at my arm. He had been moving into me as well, our bodies nearly flush against one another. I was staring up into his eyes looking back and forth. It was so slow, as if this one expanse of time was lasting forever. Suddenly though I saw a sadness cross his eyes and he closed them as he gripped my arm gently, backing away from me. I stared up at him in question suddenly feeling so foolish for it. "You're hurting. I can't-we can't…" He trailed off and I nodded awkwardly as I ran a hand through my hair. Maker I felt so stupid. I don't think I've ever been...turned down like this. Grieving or no… "Not that I-Maker I'm babbling." I giggled at that and stood.
"You don't have to say anything." I told him as I hugged my arms. "You're a good guy, Cullen." He smiled at that and stood with me. "Walk with me?" I suggested and he nodded. We moved back out to Haven and I felt a chill run down my spine from the cold wind. He noticed and steered us towards his tent. He turned towards me.
"One moment." With that he dissapeared into his tent and then came back out producing my clock in his hands. I smiled and let out a sigh.
"Oh thank the Maker." I said as I threw it around myself and flipped the hood up. "I was starting to lose feeling in my ears." He chuckled as we started walking again.
"Well we couldn't have that. Where would you be without your ears?" He asked making me grin.
"I know, right? My ears are adorable. I've always found them to be one of my best qualities." I side with a grin that we shared.
"Your hearing is impeccable. I still wonder how you heard that archer in the Storm Coast." He mused as we walked along the path to get back to that spot in the mountain. "Can all assassin's do that?" He asked curiously. I shrugged at that.
"I am not sure. As assassin's we are trained to not just rely on our eyes, but our hearing and smell and touch. My father would purposefully disorient me during training in order to tap into these other senses. However, I had a...bit of an edge." I said with a fond smile. "My best friend was blind. He came to live with us when his Father went overseas for business. Jarrett and I spent every day together, at the time we were only friends. Not very close at all, until one day he was being picked on by one of the older Assassin's. He wasn't good by any means, just older and he was picking in Jarrett for not being able to see. Saying that he'd die the moment he stepped into the field." I paused for a moment to take a breath.
"What happened?"
"I punched the guy in the face. A right hook that my Mother later praised. "Every girl of Ferelden blood should know how to throw a proper right hook."." I quoted in my Mother's deep Fereldan accent. "Jarrett was confused as to why I hit him though. He didn't see the sense in knocking sense into people who didn't have any sense to begin with. He found it a moot point." I said with a light laugh. "He was rather pitiful when it came to fighting though. He knew the basics, but his fighting was clunky. It wasn't for lack of skill either he just didn't have anyone to practice with. My Father's lessons we're getting more difficult for me as well so I proposed that Jarrett and I train each other." I recounted with a bright smile. "Anyway, he taught me how to use my senses like he had to and I taught him how to fight." I said with a smile as we walked towards the spot where we'd sat a while ago looking over the town.
"What happened to him?" He asked me and I frowned at that as I hugged my arms staring down at the small town beneath us.
"He was killed." I replied as my cloak fluttered past me in the brisk wind.
"Oh." He hesitated as he looked towards me. "Forgive me. I didn't mean to-" I turned towards him and smiled.
"Quit apologizing, Cullen. We assassin's have a saying. A last rite that we give each other when we die. 'Et obumbratio receperint vos'. Every assassin learns it and every assassin is given it upon death." I said as I turned back towards Havens torchlit streets.
"What does it mean?" He asked as he moved forward next to the rock with me.
"May the shadows welcome you." I said as I sky started to lighten from the rising sun. "I don't believe in it much anymore...but, I remember how important it was." I said as I sat on the rock and Cullen followed. "Sometimes, my line of work can feel so...alienating. So alone. The thought of having loved ones protecting you like the shadows do… it brought comfort when I was still part of the Guild."
"And now?"
"Now?" I asked as I looked over at him before letting out a humorless laugh. "Now every shadow is a reminder of the life I left behind. My heritage, my people… I learned long ago you can run from many things, but you can't run from your own shadow and that is a depressing thought." I replied and he frowned, his head bobbing with a nod.
"I can understand that." He replied as he looked down at his palms. "It is hard to completely remove yourself from the life you've only ever known." I turned my head towards him and saw him regarding his hands with great interest before his eyes moved up to the sky after a long blink. "I believe I understand that more than most." He said with a short smile with a tilt of his head.
"Why did you leave the Templars?" I asked and noticed him stiffen slightly. I decided not to press the matter anymore. If he was that uncomfortable, it must've been something bad.
"I...couldn't be a part of that life anymore. It is odd though. I've spent so long being a Templar...I feel like I don't know what I am anymore. Strict rules and no room for your own choices, just orders...now...nothing. Where does that leave me?" He asked as he stared up at the orange and pink sky.
"I don't know." I replied as I smiled over at him. "But, if all else fails at least you have that dashing Fereldan charm and a pretty face." I said eliciting a grin and a slight blush from him as I bumped him his shoulder with mine.
"Pretty face? I thought you were going to mention my shiny boots." He joked with a breathy laugh following it.
"Of course! How could I forget?" I laughed with him before sobering and staring at the sky.
"In all seriousness then, Cullen." I started out with a calm tone. "I may not get to see what you do or who you become. But, take this for what it's worth, I like the you that's sitting here with me right now. Not the Commander or an Ex-Templar, but the kind Ferelden man who took the time to show me something amazing." I said with a smile towards him. "A friend and ally, with very shiny boots." He smiled a bit wider at that, but I noticed a troubled look cross his eyes. Did I say something wrong?
"Don't talk like you're not coming back." He replied and I let out a sigh. Oh.
"Apologies. I didn't mean to bring it up." I replied with a frown on my lips. "Forget I said anything. I rather like just sitting here without a care in the world." I said as I felt his hand brush mine. I paused and looked down at our hands next to one another's. A small smile on my lips as I kept my hand in the same spot, not daring to move yet.
"We used to have a spot near my old family home in Honnesleath. A barn that had long been abandoned sat on top of this hill. One day my brother and I decided to climb it and when we got to the top we saw the sun peaking out just over the trees. On our way down though my brother scraped his leg badly on a broken board. We ran home and told our mother he'd tripped on a rock. A few days later on our way to watch the sunrise we saw our Father fixing up the old barn. Lumber just outside of it. Turns out he knew that we'd lied to my mother and decided to fix up the barn so that it was a bit safer." He said with a bright smile.
"That's so sweet." I cooed as I smiled at him almost a little envious of the Father he had. I had so many bad memories of my Father that it usually erased the good. "I'm surprised he didn't scold you for being mischievous boys and playing in an abandoned barn." He chuckled and shook his head.
"My Father liked mischief. Always said it was good in the soul." He chuckled and looked towards me.
"What about your mother?" I asked making him smile even wider.
"My mother. She was amazing. Cook, clean and deal with us all. Sharp as a knife and witty. My Father called her the light of his life. Always talked about the moment he met her was when he first moved into Honnesleath at 15 and there was this woman who strawberry blonde hair and a temper to match it. Most beautiful woman he'd ever seen. So he walked up to her, smiled and told her so." He said and I grinned as I leant towards him.
"What'd she say?" I asked and he grinned.
"She told him to bugger off, called him a brute and walked away." I laughed at that.
"How romantic." I quipped as I laughed again.
"He said that was the moment he knew he loved her." He chuckled with me as I held my side.
"Maker's Breath, your mother sounds amazing." I laughed.
"They both were. I don't think I could've asked for better parents. We didn't have much, but I don't regret anything. I had a wonderful childhood." He said and I smiled at that as my laughter subsided. "I think they would've liked you." He said trailing off.
"What happened to them?" I asked as he frowned.
"They died in the Blight." He said and I felt a frown pull at my lips.
"I'm sorry to hear that." I replied slowly as my fingers brushed his. I was unsure whether or not I should. He was silent as he stared up at the sky. I stared at him and slid my hand into his before staring up at the sky as well. He looked down at our hands, his hand stiff for a moment before he looked back up at the sky. His hand curled around mine as he stared up at the sky. The sun was rising and I smiled as it bathed us in its light. I closed my eyes and drank in the sunlight as it warmed my skin and I felt my hood fall back as the wind blew past us.
"It never gets easy." He said almost absentmindedly. I felt a frown touch my lips as I gripped his hands a bit tighter.
"Never." I replied as I let out a sigh, keeping my eyes up at the sky. "That's not a bad thing though. It makes you treasure moments you have with the people you have left."
"How do you do it?" He said as he looked down at me. I closed my eyes before looking over at him.
"I usually hit, kill things or in most cases drink." I said with a smile and I noticed him slightly crack a smile. "I am not a very good example of what to do." I replied as I sighed and lifted our hands up to eye level. "I just know that it helps to know you're not alone." He smiled as he looked down at me. "...and you, Cullen, are never alone." His eyes connected with mine as the sun's rays illuminated the sides of our face.
"Quinn. About today, if-"
"Don't worry." I told him as I stared ahead at the pinkish and orange hues lighting up the sky and the town beneath us. "I'll be keeping watch from the shadows." I promised, interrupting him as his hand tightened around mine. His eyebrows knit together, his sad golden eyes on my green. He looked as if he wanted to say something to me. Comfort me in some way, but we didn't say anything more. I leant against his shoulder staring at the sun as it lifted above the mountain. He seemed unsure what to say, if anything. What he didn't know was that he'd already done so much.
The sun had risen in the sky and we were about to leave Haven. Soldiers were training and Cullen was back at the front of the recruits, his eyes switching between the reports in his hands and the troops before him. I finished getting the horse ready for travel, placing some items in the pack. My mind still on this morning, the sun in Cullen's hair, his hand in mine as we silently sat there cherishing the few moments of peace we had. I shook the thoughts from my head. I had to focus. Focus on the mission, focus on what was happening now. Maybe if I did, I'd get to see him again. I tightened the strap on the saddlebag and let out a breath.
"Hey, Quinn." Trevelyan called out to me and I turned to him to see him walking with Lisette who was using a crutch to move towards me. I looked to them both as I moved forward. "She wanted to talk to you before we left." He said as he nodded to her and shot me a brief smile. My eyes shifted from him to her as she hobbled towards me.
"How are you?" I asked noticing a small, hopeful smile on her lips.
"I'll live." She responded, her voice still sounding dry and cracked. I frowned as I shifted my feet awkwardly looking her over. "I just wanted to wish you luck today." She added.
"Thank you." I replied as I watched her shuffle her feet like she wanted to ask me something important.
"Have you...have you thought about what I asked? About training me?" She asked as she looked up at me. Her large elven eyes seemingly wide with anticipation and hope. I let out a quiet sigh before shaking my head.
"I'm sorry, Lisette, but I'm not going to train you." I told her, noticing her ears flatten out to the sides. I felt a frown touch my lips noticing the argument in her eyes, but she didn't say anything for a moment.
"Is it because you think I'll die?" She asked as she looked down at herself.
"Lisette-"
"I'm healing, Adan and Solas even said so." She stated adamantly.
"It isn't because I think you'll die." I told her as I crossed my arms over my chest. "I simply don't want to. So, stop asking me." She stared up at me like I had crushed her. I placed my hand on her shoulder. "There are so many other great things you can do with your life. I'm sorry, truly I am, but there's nothing I can do for you." I told her with a frown on my lips. She frowned and looked away.
"How can I convince you otherwise? I have to."
"I've made up my mind." I told her just as adamantly. "I'm sorry, but I am not going to train you." She looked like she had been socked in the stomach. She let out a series of coughs and I jerked to help her in some way, but she held her hand up.
"I'm alright." She said as she looked up at me. "I'm fine." I frowned and nodded as I backed away. She looked upset. Like this was the last thing she wanted in life and I'd taken it away from her.
"I'm sorry, Lisette, but this is really for your own good. I hope you understand that." I told her noticing the slight smile that touched her lips.
"I knew you cared." She replied almost triumphantly. I tilted my head to her, my lips tipping slightly as I let out a laugh of exasperation. "Is that why you won't train me? You're scared I'll get hurt?"
"Scout Lisette." I heard Cullen call out as he walked up. His eyes shifting between the two of them. Lisette looked over to him and turned her body to the side to regard him before lifting a salute to her forehead.
"Commander! What can I do for you?" She asked and he shifted his intelligent eyes to me before looking back to Lisette.
"Rylen mentioned to me that you wished to cover some of the reports. If you feel up to it, I have some requisitions that are in need of being taken care of and ordered." He replied as he pulled his hands behind his back. "Rylen should have them with him now and Threnn needs them when you're all finished. If you need assistance, just ask." He ordered. She nodded standing a bit straighter on her crutch. I kept an impassive look on my visage as she turned back to me and suddenly she was hugging me. She was surprisingly quick for being on a crutch. My eyes widened as I jolted from her hug, my hood falling off. My eyebrows knit together as she let me go and backed away.
"Be safe, My Lady, and good luck." She turned and hobbled away as I stood there still frozen in confusion.
"Maker, I think that girl is wonky in the head." I said as I watched her move to Rylen. Cullen turned as well to regard her. "I don't know why she is so hell bent on getting me to train her." I groaned.
"Perhaps she admires you." He replied thoughtfully.
"Ugh." I scoffed as I folded my arms over my chest. He looked over at me with a lifted brow. "What?"
"I had to check. I thought you were Cassandra for a moment." He mused. I punched him in the arm lightly making him chuckle.
"That is not funny." I groaned making him smirk before he looked back to me. "Thank you for distracting her." He shrugged as he loo hiked down at me and then towards her.
"Not a problem." He replied as Lisette walked over to a table nearby and started to work on the papers. "Oh. I found this in the snow." He said as he opened his palm and the bracelet sat. I tapped my wrist in shock not even realizing that it had been missing. My eyes darted from my wrist to the bracelet.
"Andraste's Tits, I didn't even realize that it was missing." I gasped as I touched it in his palm. He blushed slightly as I was about to pluck it out of his hands, but stopped. He gave me a strange look as my eyes flicked to his. "Keep it, just for now though." I told him with a small smile. "I'll take it back when I return." I said and noticed his confusion dissolve into a smile. He curled his hand back around the bracelet and nodded.
"I'll keep it safe." He promised with a short smile to me. To my right I saw Cassandra and Bull moving towards the stables. Bull with his eyes on me as he flicked them between Cullen as if he knew something I didn't. The look he gave me, however, the smug and knowing look bothered me to no end.
"Hey, Boss." He greeted as he brushed past me. "Morning, Cullen." He said as Cullen and I tipped our heads towards him. "Ready to go?" He asked as he looked in between us. I took a deep breath and nodded.
"Ready as I'll ever be." I told him as I gave Cullen one last smile before walking with Bull towards the horses. Dorian was already there, his eyes on me as I walked forward. We nodded to each other and I noted the tension in him. I wanted to say something to him, but I felt my arm tapped. I turned to Leli who stood with a small smile and small cloth bag in her hand.
"Did you pack me lunch, mom?" I asked with a smirk. Her laugh lilted around me.
"Breakfast, I was informed that you had been otherwise occupied this morning and may have missed a chance to get some food." I blushed lightly, but rolled my eyes and shifted my weight.
"Is there an apple in that bag?" I asked and she nodded as she handed it over. I opened it and looked down inside grinning. "You're the best." I replied. She smiled, but I noticed the worry in her eyes as she placed a hand on my bicep.
"Be safe, my friend. Please, do not do anything too reckless." I smiled and squeezed her that was clutching my bicep.
"Reckless? Pfft. I'm not reckless." I teased. Thousands of instances, however, ran through my mind at the moment I said it. All of instances when I have been reckless beyond belief. I shook my head and gave her a small smile trying to ease the tension. "Don't look so worried. It'll be alright." I added with a short nod as I placed the breakfast into my saddlebag and swung gracefully onto the horse. Soon our entire convoy was ready to leave and we trotted forward through Haven to the far gate. I looked over to my right to see Leli and Varric standing next to each other. Both nodding to me with a small wave. To my left Cullen looked to each of us as we passed as soldiers saluted. When my horse trotted next to the Commander I shot him a quick two fingered salute with a short smile. His lips quirked up slightly as his eyes shifted away from me bashfully. I looked to the remainder of my companions, the ones that were staying here. Blackwall, Sera, Solas, Varric even Madame de Fer to which I hadn't gotten to know yet. So many different types of people unified by one cause. To save the world. I narrowed my eyes at the road before us. They were my reminder, as we're all the faces we'd passed. There was no room for mistakes. We couldn't fail.
The Fade exploded around me. My marked hand felt like it was being ripped to shreds for what seemed like forever. The green wisps of air around me seems to clawed into my skin. Hold onto me and try to drag me under, but I resisted. Maker what is happening?! What is this?! I heard the distorted crackle of demons as eyes appeared all around me. Whispering to me, calling me. Chanting my name calling me 'Fade Walker'. I shook my head as I tore away from the wisps looking for an escape. Anything to get me out of here. Suddenly, my palm lit up once again and I was thrown through the Fade once more. I hit the ground hard. Rocks and dirt spraying around me as I rolled down a steep hill. I gasped and cried out as I attempted to claw my fingers into the ground to stop the fall, but nothing worked. I grunted in pain as I hit something hard and bounced off, my head reeling as I fought against gravity. I cried out again as I hit the ground, my head cracking against a group of rocks. My vision turned blurry as I rolled onto my back. Everything hurt and burned. My body aching, yet numb. My head was pounding just behind my eyes and on the back of my head. I could feel blood dribbling down my temple as my fingers gripped at the ground. Pain electrocuting my nerves as I fought to get a sense of where I was. My eyes hazily raked the landscape for a clue. For something that could help me understand what happened. My mind fought for a shred of a memory, but none came. I ground my teeth together as I pulled myself along the ground. Letting grunts of pain out periodically. My eyes scanned the world around me trying to understand what I was seeing. The charred earth, the smell of smoke and the coopery scent of blood in the air. What in Andraste's name happened? Suddenly I heard movement and I stopped. The sound of feet and something sliding against the ground behind it made my blood chill in my veins. I made sure not to move a muscle as the thing walked by. It sounded much too tall to be a person as it's stride was too long. I watched as it moved past me, nearly walking right on top of me. My eyes drifted to it and I saw a night crawler demon stride past with its tail dragging behind it. My eyes were wide as it suddenly stopped and lifted its disgusting head to the sky. As if it were trying to hear or smell. Nothing compared to the fright in me when it turned its head back to me. Its malicious smile with gnarled teeth coated in blood. My hands went to my waist for a dagger as the creature dove towards me. I blocked it's attack with my daggers. Holding its clawed hand centimeters away from my face. I rolled onto my back and used the demons weight and force and directed it so it would fly over me. Its claw scraped by my cheek though as it went past me and I gasped in pain. I pulled myself up, both of my weapons at the ready. My body ached, but I wouldn't die to this thing. Not without a fight. I ground my teeth together waiting for the attack when suddenly the demon lifted its head up to the sky. It's mouth gaping open as it let out a terrifying screech. I covered my ears as the sound of it nearly shattered my ears. When I peeked, my eyes open I saw more of those same demons. Their black and green eyes full of excitement as they moved towards me. When suddenly they attacked. I threw my body into battle. Slicing and tearing apart the demons that dared to make me their dinner. I leapt onto one dragging my dagger down and carving a line through its chest before driving my other blade through its head for good measure. It fell to the ground in a lump of ichor and bones as more attacked. Soon they all laid dead around me. My body coated in their blood, my legs barely holding me up. I had to push on through the pain. I couldn't just stay here. I needed to get back to the Inquisition. My legs carried me a few steps before I fell against a tree. Its wood was charred, and it rubbed off on my skin and clothing. I collapsed against it completely and fell to the ground. I cried out in pain as I held my arm which had been damaged in the fall and had been cut in battle. My eyes wandered slowly around me and saw embers where the grass once was. Trees still smoking from a fire of sorts. To the side of me I heard feet, slow and quiet as if they didn't want to scare me. A woman's voice calling to me gently. I didn't look over, I didn't have the energy left in me and as I lost consciousness my eyes trained on a certain item practically glowing against the gray skies behind it. A tattered flag bearing the Inquisitions symbol with blood smeared across it.
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