The Letter
Hi everyone! I hope you all are still interested in a little more Addy, Merle, and Daryl. Thank you for all the support and continued interest. A special thanks to those of you who take the time to review and comment. It motivates me to write, it really does.
Hope you enjoy this long chapter and anticipate what's to come. I do apologize for errors as I kind of rushed to get this chapter finished so I could post it sooner, but I do hope you enjoy it all the same.
Thank you for reading!
WARNING: This chapter contains talk of SPANKING (corporal punishment) of an adult female by an adult male and mentions of sexual assault. If this offends. Don't read, please. There is swearing as well.
Addy swayed and bumped into Merle and Daryl's arms sitting in between the two men as the old truck jerked down the dirt path towards the main road. Addy sighed leaning back against the lumpy old seat feeling a nervousness build and spread in her gut at the thought of going back into town only a week after the 'bonfire incident'. The familiar embarrassment and shame came rushing back into Addy's body as they got closer and closer into town feeling warmth rush to her cheeks. She insisted that Merle and Daryl just go on without her not wanting to face the people that saw her grown ass get spanked, but Merle, being the annoying frustrating man he was, was having none of it and told her – 'go sit in the damn truck like I told ya. Ya ain't gonna hide up here like some nervous whipped pup.' Almost like he was annoyed at her for being embarrassed about the incident and found her desire to stay behind ridiculous and cowardly and she wasn't going to be that way, not on his watch anyway. This ultimately frustrated Addy and couldn't help, but feel a familiar bitter resentment rise within about the whole incident. She wouldn't be feeling so ashamed and embarrassed if he hadn't spanked her in front of everyone in the first place. If he hadn't spanked her – Period. The brute. A pouty grimace spreading across her face as they pulled up to the town's local gas station.
Addy's body slouched even further in her seat as Merle threw the truck into park. Once Merle killed the engine, he turned his head to look down at the sulking woman and felt himself scoff harshly in his throat, almost rolling his eyes at the woman's sullen attitude. In his mind she was acting unnecessarily childish and not only was it distasteful to the hard man, but it set his teeth on edge. Addy gave him a brief sideways glare showing him what she thought at being dragged to town against her will before immediately settling her eyes back on the dash board which she decided was a far better view.
Merle felt a spark of irritation blossom in his chest as both he and Daryl pushed opened the creaky truck doors and got out. Daryl glanced back over his shoulder at Addy before rolling his eyes in disapproval at her cranky attitude that had not changed since this morning which was getting on his last nerve. Her inability to just deal and cope with hardships bothered the teenager more than he thought it should. Not only did he see it as fruitless weakness, but it left her far too open for other to hurt and exploit and that did not sit well with the protective teen. Part of him hoped that Merle would set her straight as he headed over to the propane fill station to the side of the building.
Merle held his door open giving Addy a rather hard look as he jerked his head indicating that he wanted her out. Addy felt a grumble and a whine sitting in the back of her throat, but opted to hold it back seeing Merle's unpleasant expression of warning to do as she was told or else. The young woman grimaced and pushed herself out of the truck hating the feeling of discomfort and awkwardness as she left the comforting confines of the truck exposing her to the eyes of the public.
As soon as Addy's feet hit the gravel, Merle grabbed her bicep and dragged her out of the way as he swung the truck door shut. He let go of her and, without a word, started to march around to the back of the truck leaving Addy standing there awkwardly alone looking off into the small town. An odd rush of insecurity and anxiety came flooding over Addy the instant Merle's protective presence left her side. The anxious feeling of exposure and vulnerability she was feeling without Merle physically by her side not only shocked her due to the powerful feelings, but also frustrated and confused her. Merle should not have this much effect on her psyche and why the hell should she want to be close to the man who was the cause of her embarrassment and humiliation in the first place?
Addy you're an idiot.
The sound of the creaky metal hinges of the truck's tailgate cut into her ears sharply breaking her out of her thoughts. Addy snapped her attention toward Merle feeling herself cringe slightly at the unwanted and obnoxiously loud noise that was bound to get people's attention.
Unable to help herself, Addy looked cautiously around her for any onlookers, but luckily for her there was no one about at the moment. Addy knew she was being spineless about the whole situation. She wished she could have a stiff upper lip and a carefree attitude, but the fact was she just couldn't. She was embarrassed and rather ashamed of not only being humbled and treated like a child in such a humiliating way, but displaying to everyone, yet again, her weakness and vulnerability. She always prided herself on being an independent and strong woman who did not need the aid or guidance of anyone. She didn't know any different. However, it seemed things have drastically changed since being with Merle and Daryl, bringing out a new side of herself that she didn't know was there. Bringing out different and unknown feelings that Addy didn't really know how to take. All she knew was this newfound change was extraordinarily and powerfully different and, if she was being honest with herself, it truly scared her. Merle thrived on being authoritative. That's what he believed in, it's what he knew and that's how he survived. And, Addy, being self-governing partially her whole life, having someone take charge and control in such an intense and rather unorthodox way was a hard pill for the young independent woman to swallow and adjust to. And ultimately found herself fighting against the lack of control and trust.
Merle's keen blue eyes locked onto Addy who was looking around her timidly and anxiously like some boogie man was going to come out at any moment and grab her. Merle watched her for a few moments as he placed a cigarette in his mouth running a match over the rusty metal of the tailgate. He shook out the match out and disposed of it onto the gravel. Merle knew she was mortified about getting her ass spanked last week in front of all her friends, but it was of little consequence to the rough man who lacked sympathy for the woman who, in his mind, deserved every damn lick he gave her. And facing her embarrassment and fear is just something she was going to have to get over whether she liked it or not. That was life.
Once Addy's nervous eyes landed back on Merle, he blew out a plume of smoke through his mouth feeling the side of his lip tug up into an arrogant half grin that held no ounce of humor to it.
"Ya go on inside, girl, while we git these tanks filled." Merle ordered lazily gesturing towards Tucker's General Store, his bare muscular arms twisting and bulging as he pressed his weight into his palms down on the tailgate. Despite the somewhat loosely fitted dirty white tank he wore, the sweat that collected underneath clung the fabric against his broad chest and abdomen slightly showing off his slimed toned frame, which Addy would be obliged to notice if she wasn't reminded constantly of his infuriating and controlling personality. His faded lightly washed dirty blue jeans, that he always wore, gripped his toned legs pleasingly which, despite the hard use the jeans have been subjected to, held together strongly excepted for the one a large gaping hole that exposed his tanned knee along with the fringe that frayed around the cuffs.
Merle leaned back on his heals slightly as he lifted the bottom of his dirty white tank wiping the sweat that accumulated across his brow exposing his flexed abs and black leather belt that wrapped snug around his slim waist. Addy felt her chest constrict and her body stiffen ever so slightly at the sight of that black leather. Addy instantly felt a bite of annoyance at her foolish physical reaction at the mere sight of the object reminding her just how much she was affected by Merle's disciplining methods. It was frustrating to the young woman and downright unfair. It was like she could not gain one ounce of courage or backbone when it came to the man.
Addy bit her bottom lip as she subconsciously took in the man's rugged appearance and build. There was no mistake Merle was well fit and gifted with a pleasing physique that Addy did take note of. However, the man never seemed to attempt to look well like most men she came across. Merle was almost always dirty and sweaty due to the nature of the work he took on and his constant need to be outdoor most of the time. And despite him showering when needed, he always seemed to have some sort of grime on him much to Addy's chagrin as washing his clothes was unmistakably backbreaking labor. However, that, for some unknown reason to Addy, was not unattractive nor displeasing to her like she thought it would be. The man worked hard and it showed and there was something very attractive and gratifying about that, something Addy was not used to.
"Go on. Git." Merle ordered firmly, his loud voice carrying over the small gravel parking lot making Addy cringe with unease.
Unable to help herself, Addy's brows creased downwards harshly giving him a heated look before turning sharply on her heels and walking towards the small store.
"And wipe that pout of yer face 'fore I give somethin' ta pout about." Merle growled after her even louder than before which made Addy's shoulders jerk up to her ears and her face morph into an angry grimace. It was almost like he was trying to draw attention and add to her embarrassment. Asshole.
Luckily Addy's face was turned away from Merle as she trudged past the gas pumps towards the glass doors of the store feeling a bitter frustration build up in her at Merle's loud mouth and inability to show any amount of sympathy or compassion. Addy scoff as she jerked open the door hating herself for even thinking Merle was attractive in anyway, his faults pushing to the forefront of her mind.
Addy walked down the aisles towards the back of the small store away from the front windows trying to avoid being seen by anyone or bumping into any recent acquaintances. She felt a bit cowardly and childish for feeling this way, but she just couldn't seem to help it. She did not grow up in these parts and while being spanked didn't seem altogether taboo here, it was none the less humiliating and devastating to the young woman's pride and dignity. She had never been so publicly humbled before and her fears and insecurities of being rejected, criticized and looked badly upon rose to the surface of her mind. She was not like Merle who could brush things off with an 'I don't give a fuck' attitude about such things. But, despite her wishes to be more confident like Merle clearly wanted her to be, the truth of the matter was she did care about what people thought of her and wanted so badly to be accepted and respected in the small little community that she wished to call home. She didn't have many friends and her poor track record of gaining people's acceptance and admiration was distressing to the young woman's gentle disposition. And getting her ass smacked in front of everyone for talking back to Merle was a very lousy introduction as first impressions go. She was either going to be known for the girl who was assaulted and almost raped by her drunken boyfriend or the girl who was spanked like a child for mouthing off. It was all hopelessly embarrassing and Addy just as soon not face anyone. In fact, a year would not be too soon to see any of the witnesses to her unfortunate chastisement. However, as fate would have it, Addy's hope of going through the small store unseen was utterly crushed as she heard her named suddenly ring out against the silence.
"Addy!"
Addy's chest caved in harshly at the unexpected utterance of her name. Addy snapped her head towards the end of the isle to see Masie walking briskly towards her, a basket of groceries clutched in her hand.
Addy stood where she was feeling her limbs stiffen and her body close in on itself as embarrassment reddened her tanned complexion. The young woman put her head down in shame unable to look at her. Masie stood directly in front of Addy placing her grocery basket on the floor by her feet before immediately snatching Addy's hands within her's.
"Are you okay?" Masie inquired softly with concern dipping her head down slightly trying to catch Addy's eyes. "He didn't hurt you none, did he?"
Well, the answer would be a resounding and unequivocal 'yes' in the sense that the spanking she got hurt like hell, but a 'no' in the sense of what Masie was referring to. He didn't beat her bloody.
"No, Masie. I'm-I'm fine. I'm just…I'm so embarrassed. I…" And before Addy had a chance to finish her thought, she was abruptly interrupted by another familiar voice.
"Eh, Adaline May."
Oh God. Just kill me now. Addy's whole complexion turned beet red as she turned to look behind her to see Beau walking towards her from the other end of the aisle. Addy felt like she may vomit.
Why the hell is everyone in Tucker's General Store today? Was there some kind of discount on those who came to the bonfire?! The unfairness seemed unreal to the mortified woman.
Despite it being a small town and the likelihood of seeing someone at the bonfire in the store was liable. It seemed like fate had just reached out and smack her in the face on this one and she couldn't help, but feel the resentment against Merle build as she was forced for face her embarrassment by not just one person, but two.
"How's that ass of yers? Ya still walkin' sideways?" Beau inquired teasingly referring to her stumbling run towards the truck after Merle popped her ass one last time in front of everyone. He had a cocky sideways smirk on his chapped lips, his unkept overly greasy black hair hanging over his forehead and touching the tips of his lashes. His dark brown eyes honed in on her seeming far too pleased to be seeing her in the store, almost like getting off on her shame and enjoying her discomfort.
Addy swallowed and licked her lips brushing an invisible strand of hair behind her ear. Addy did not know how to respond as embarrassment consumed her. She fidgeted and shifted her weight from foot-to-foot casting her eyes to the floor unable to hide her emotions about the incident. Addy wished she could smile or make a joke about it or, even simply, just laugh at herself, but unfortunately the young woman couldn't find it in herself to do so at the moment. For Addy, there was really nothing funny about it. It was painfully humiliating in more ways than one and not something she wanted joke about.
However, Addy's discomfort and unease seemed to please the man as his smirk widened into a toothy grin.
"Ya didn't get no cigarettes burnt on ya, did ya?" Beau asked unsettlingly casual which made Addy's attention snap back up to him immediately. The young woman was taken back by his accusations and his indifferent attitude towards something so appalling. How could he ask something so disgusting?
And what was worse, Addy wasn't sure if the man was joking or not. However, one thing was for sure, there was something unnerving and off about the man's demeanor sending alarm bells within her body.
"Still got all yer teeth?" He asked leisurely gesturing towards his mouth showing his teeth briefly that Addy noted were tainted yellow. The bright artificial lights of the store beamed down onto them allowing Addy to see the man in a much clearer light than she could from the flickering glow of the bonfire that night. Although, the man had attractive features, his face was exceedingly pale almost sickly appearing like he had not spent much time outdoors. His posture was relaxed and his shoulders slumped forward a bit in a lazy casual manner which was such a difference from Merle who often rolled his shoulders back lifting his head high and haughtily.
"Excuse me?" Addy asked unable to keep the offense and shock out of her voice. What was this man trying to get at exactly? That Merle and Daryl were capable of doing those dreadful things to her? And the way Beau was presenting himself, was almost like he was hoping that Merle did and it would be amusing to hear about.
"What the fuck, Beau?" Masie snapped accusingly clearly appalled by his questioning as well.
Beau just let out a chuckle seeming satisfied by their reactions before shaking his head and walking down the isles towards the alcohol like he just had an amusing and ordinary conversation, unbothered by his disturbingly weird and disconcerting questions.
Both Masie and Addy watched him walk down the aisle their brows frowning in disgust.
Saying stupid shit and acting a bit creepy was not unusual for the strange man, but as far as Masie knew, Beau was harmless and just an odd character with some distasteful qualities.
"Creep." Masie insulted under breath before turning to look back at Addy. Her face relaxing into a kind concerned expression. "Don't pay him no mind, honey. He just likes the sound of his own voice too damn much." Masie insisted dismissing the man as nothing more than an idiot who should keep his mouth shut more often.
Masie's face was soft as she looked at Addy, her blue eyes blinked with concern for a moment before carefully asking. "Ya sure yer okay? Ya know my door is always open. Ya don't have ta put with that asshole."
Addy lips parted to respond, but was interrupted yet again by the last person she wanted to come into the conversation.
"What'a ya hen's cluckin' about?" Merle's loud voice seemed to carry in the small store. Addy felt her teeth grit, stifling a grumble at the unwelcomed interruption. He had an act of showing up at the most unwanted of times, just another one of his vexing qualities.
Addy did not look behind her as Merle's heavy black steal toed boots thudded against the cheap linoleum tiles towards them. Addy felt her back stiffen slightly as Merle settled himself exceedingly close to Addy that she could feel his boiling body heat radiate onto her bare arm. The familiar sent of his tobacco smoke and body order surrounding her like a confining bubble. Addy pressed her lips together in annoyance at Merle's overbearing and domineering presence.
Merle looked down at Masie who was giving him a quite scathing look, her delicate eyebrows frowning deeply at him. Merle raised his eyebrows slightly surprised and somewhat amused at the animosity he was being shown by Addy's little friend. Although, she looked nothing more than a bunny rabbit in a bad mood to him. Keeping his blue eyes fixed on the young dirty blonde, Merle took a quick drag of his cigarette blowing out the smoke through his mouth slowly before speaking.
"Got somethin' ya wanna say ta me, Miss Masie?" Merle asked in a low voice that edged with both curiosity and warning.
Masie jutted out her chin slightly and narrowed her eyes.
"Only that yer mean asshole, Merle Dixon, and a shithead. Ya did not have ta do that ta Addy. It weren't right." Masie declared bravely reveling in giving Merle a piece of her mind.
Addy's eyes widened a bit feeling her breath stop in her throat as she slowly peaked up at Merle in apprehension. However, Merle seemed unaffected by her words as he just simply tilted his head to the side giving her a mildly stern and patronizing look as he took another drag of his cigarette.
"Is that so? Sounds like ya need ta be mindin' yer own business, Miss Masie. Or ya are just itchin' fer the same treatment?" Merle mused in a deeply low tone. "Ya want some of the same?" Merle challenged calmly, just unsettling enough to make Masie and Addy wonder if he was being serious.
Addy felt a panic grow within her. He wouldn't. Would he?
Masie's lips parted as a flash of shock crossed over her dainty features before immediately replacing it with a solid scowl as she pressed her lips into a hard angry line.
"Ya even try it and I'll shove my boot so far up yer ass…"
Merle let out low chuckle cracking a toothy smile finding her foulmouthed threat utterly amusing. He looked down at her mockingly with a condescending expression as he took another drag of his cigarette completely unbothered and unaffected by her wish to insult him.
"Masie!" Travis voice suddenly rained sharply over the aisle. Merle arched his neck slightly over top of the aisle to see the top of Travis's truckers cap walk briskly down the aisle next to them. In no time Travis appeared at the end of the small aisle looking rather tense.
"Might wanna ta git control of yer woman, Travis. She's talkin' bigger than her britches over 'ere." Merle declared loudly at Travis before looking down at Masie again giving her a pointed patronizing look that was lined with an unsettling warning behind his blue eyes.
Merle found Masie's boldness entertaining. However, her brash attitude was border lining on interfering with his little Addy who he saw as his responsibility and, although, he did not see Masie as direct threat to that, he wasn't going to have no little blonde sass him or question him on his family's business. Addy's friend or not, she needed to watch what she said and who she said it to, because when it comes to Dixon business, it's no one else's place to pry into their affairs.
"Come 'ere, Masie." Travis bit out tersely, a bit of urgency and firmness in his tone.
Masie sighed over her shoulder at her husband before turning back around to give Merle one last death glare as she grabbed her basket off the floor and walked towards Travis.
Unable to let Masie take her leave with dignity, Merle had to open his big mouth for one last statement to make sure she knew she had no say or any control over what happened under his roof.
"That's right, little Masie, ya go on over ta yer man now. Best learn yer place, little girl." Merle mused arrogantly a hint of amusement in his voice, knowing very well that it would offend and aggravate the young woman, but, despite that, his eyes held a sharp seriousness that was unmistakable.
Masie snapped her neck around, her face scrunched up into a seething scowl. Masie part her lips to express herself on what she thought of Merle's big mouth, but did not get a chance before Travis snatched her arm and whisked her away disappearing behind the aisle.
Merle's raspy voice chuckled deeply in his throat enjoying the entertainment. He then turned to look down at Addy who was giving him a less than amused expression. Her eyes squinted in disapproval and exacerbation. She did not like what Merle said to Masie. Not one bit. She had this feeling of protectiveness come over when it came to Masie who was her only friend in this backwater town and she did not appreciate Merle mocking her and she most certainly did appreciate him threatening her. And if she was being honest, she was terrified of Merle's assertiveness pushing her only friend away.
"You got somethin' ya wanna say ta me to, little Addy May?" Merle questioned with a sharp edge of warning as his blue eyes hardened down at her.
Addy felt her body stiffen slightly as an anxiety surged through her. Addy ran her teeth over her bottom lip in a fidgety manner, but despite herself, managed to keep her scowl plastered on her face.
"That was unnecessary. You didn't have to be such a..." Addy paused trying to thinking of a better way of saying 'arrogant prick' that would not put her butt on the line. She was embarrassed enough and did not want to give Merle any reason to publicly shame her again.
Merle raised an eyebrow at her as he took another puff of his cigarette never taking his eyes off her as he waited patiently for what exactly he didn't have to be.
"You didn't have to be so mean." Addy declared firmly, in a tone that was not nearly as condemning as she would have liked it to be. Her voice was hushed still well aware that they were in the store where people could over hear them easily. However, that did not seem to worry Merle in the slightest as his loud voice seemed to echo in the small store.
"Mean? Now, I thought I was bein' real nice." Merle countered unconvincingly in a patronizing tone that set Addy's teeth on edge.
"You're never nice." Addy reminded him bitterly feeling her teeth grit. "And you didn't have to threaten her. She was just standing up for me." Addy complained wishing she could do more of that herself. However, she liked being able to sit down too.
"Nah, what she was doin' was sassin' off her little mouth 'bout things that ain't none of her business." Merle countered in a seemingly unbothered tone as he straightened his back continuing to smoke his cigarette.
Addy shifted in her boots swaying in an awkward fidgety manner. She licked her lips and averting her eyes away from him for a brief moment before turning back to look up at his tall rather imposing frame.
"You-you wouldn't really um…?" Addy began to ask, but was unable to finish her question as it was just awkward and embarrassing for her to even ask. She had trouble even mentioning the embarrassing painful act, let along use it so causally like Merle did in his every day jargon. According to Addy, it shouldn't be expressed so lightly. Also, she was simply just worried that the answer would be 'yes' as she wouldn't put it past Merle's arrogant and unconventional personality to do something that outrageous.
"Wouldn't really what?" Merle asked far too loudly completely unbothered about being overheard as she quickly blew smoke out of his mouth.
"Tan her hide?" Merle asked bluntly gesturing down the aisle where Masie and Travis disappeared to.
Addy felt herself swallow with worry as she anticipated his answer.
"Naah." Merle expressed dismissively looking down the empty aisle. "She ain't my responsibility and she ain't my problem."
Merle turned to look down at Addy his face hardening just a bit.
"You, on the other hand, little missy, are, so you just keep that in mind the next time ya thinkin' of misbehavin' or sassin' me in front of yer little friends." Merle warned pointing a finger at her, his cigarette smoking in his hand.
Before Addy could have time to respond or even comprehended too much about being his responsibility and his problem, therefore, her bottom was free to spank, he bent his torso down slightly invading her personal space.
"Ya go on and git yerself a candy bar. I'm gonna git me some beer." Merle said before quickly popping her backside firmly which forced Addy to take a step forward. Addy flung her hand behind her to cover her backside feeling her bottom tingle with a mild sting as she looked around nervously for any witnesses. Before Addy could get a chance to ask what the hell that was for, Merle was already walking towards the back of the store towards the beer. Addy's brows crinkled in confusion, at the rather mild 'get going' swat she received. Although it did sting, there was no real heat behind it. It was weirdly affectionate?
Addy shook her head at her thoughts, breathing out an annoyed huff as she turned to walk towards the front of the store where the candy was. Despite, Addy's initial aggravation at Merle's arrogant threats and less then pleasing attitude, the young woman felt her lips curl up into a small smile feeling a slight warmth fill up her chest at not only Merle treating her to some candy, but the unspoken affection that came with it. Merle was certainly an unusual man and it was difficult to find any softness within character, therefore, when it was shown, although hidden, and despite the unconventional way he displayed it, it was ultimately noticed and appreciated by Addy who reveled in it.
Merle did not have a lot of money and he did not spend money on frivolous or needless things, so this was an unexpected and welcomed treat for which Addy was grateful. However, part of her couldn't stop herself from wondering if it was a kind gesture or if he was rewarding her for coming into town or being 'a good girl'. Either way, it made Addy cringe and grimace at the thought.
After debating strongly between the Kit Kat and the Snickers Bar, Addy opted for the Kit Kat feeling her desire for chocolate increase greatly as she grabbed it. Having a sweet tooth, Addy couldn't wait to sink her teeth into the sugary bar. It had been a while since she had any candy and found herself fill with a childlike anticipation. It seemed to be the little joys that mattered anymore.
Once Merle got his essentials which consisted of cigarettes, beer and propane, plus Addy's Kit Kat bar, he checked out at the register and they both walked out of the cool air-conditioned store. The hot humid air hitting them like a brick wall. Addy grimaced in discomfort feeling the heat instantly sink into her body. She would never get used to the steamy temperatures of the south.
"Ya wait 'ere while gonna pull the truck 'round." Merle ordered as he walked down the gravel path disappearing around the side of the building where the propane fill station was at.
Addy leaned against the side of the brick building by the door where there was a little bit of shade. Addy worked to open her candy bar thinking she best take a couple of bites before it melts in the Georgia heat. Addy turned her head to look at the side of the building where Merle had disappeared to, only to have her view blocked by Beau who emerged from the store with a six pack of long neck beers firmly in his grip. His attention turned quickly to Addy's petite figure that leaned up against the wall in a casual manner. Beau eyes traveled up her tightly fitted blue jeans that hugged her taut backside and toned legs to her flat stomach and modest breasts until finally he settled his dark brown eyes onto her delicate face and round green eyes. A small smirked tugged at the side of lips as he huffed out air through his nose, almost approvingly, not hiding the fact that he liked what he saw. Addy adjusted herself against the wall feeling an uncomfortable warning flow through her body. Addy's brows frowned in discomfort and awkwardness at the man's gawking.
"Merle, give ya that fer bein' a good girl?" Beau asked mockingly as he lazily pointed to her Kit Kat bar, smirking at her with an arrogance that made Addy both annoyed and uncomfortable.
Addy's frown deepened as both embarrassment and annoyance came to the forefront of her expression.
Beau chuckled, a sounded that was very unpleasant to Addy's ears. "Lighten up, girl. Ya know, I'm only teasin' ya." Beau expressed dismissing her clear offense.
Beau then reached deep into his front jean pocket pulling out a wrinkled piece of notebook paper that was folded a few times into a small square.
"This is fer you." He said holding the piece of paper between his fingers out towards her.
Addy brows crinkled in confusion giving him a look of suspicion. What the hell?
"From a friend." Beau added not giving her any clue as to who it was from. Was he the 'friend'?
Addy's eyes narrowed before slowly and reluctantly reaching out to take the wrinkled note from him.
Once the piece of paper left his hands, Beau walked past Addy in the opposite direction of where Merle and Daryl were. Addy watched him swagger a few steps before he suddenly stopped in his tracks.
"Oh." He said abruptly like he had forgotten to tell her something as he turned around half way to look at her once again. "And best not mention nothin' ta Merle. Don't wanna 'nother lickin' right?" Beau gave her a small arrogant wink his dark brown eyes glistening with a knowing look. And with that the man left with his six back in hand walking down the road at brisk pace towards the trailer park just around the corner. Addy grimaced and scoffed at the weird interaction. The man was just unsettling and downright odd and Addy couldn't quite put her finger on what bothered her about him other than his less then amusing comments.
Unable to keep her curiosity at bay, Addy immediately opened the piece of paper. Her mind whirling with what could possibly be on the paper that he felt Merle shouldn't see. What was it? A joke to humiliate or to mock her about what happened? An invitation for another get-together? Was he interested in her? That thought was very displeasing to Addy. Well, if that was the case he can forget it, Addy thought bitterly not appreciating his 'teasing' as he called it. She was simply not interested.
However, that was not the case at all making Addy now wish that it was a note expressing his interest in her. As soon as Addy opened the letter and scanned her eyes over the handwritten note, her heart plummeted into her stomach feeling her body stiffen harshly in both shock and dread. Addy's hands became lose and her precious half opened Kit Kat dropped onto the gravel below her feet as she fell back fall against the brick wall.
Baby,
I know you're probably still very angry with me and you got every right to be. And all I can say is I'm so sorry for what I did. The alcohol poisoned me into a different person that night. You know me, Addy, and that was not me. I could never in my right mind do that to you. And that night I was not in my right mind. Something happened to me and I don't understand it.
I know you probably don't feel the same, but I still love you more than anything in this world. That has not changed for me and never will. I've been in utter agony ever since that night for all the wrong and pain I caused you. Baby, I am so sorry. I know I don't deserve your forgiveness and I deserved to die for what I've done. I think about ending it all every single night, but the hope of seeing your face just once more always stops me.
I know this is a long shot, but for the sake of the relationship we had, if it meant anything to you at all, if there was even just one moment you can look back on fondly, please grant me this small favor to come and see me. Just once more. I'm begging you, Addy. I know I have no right, but you're the only one I can turn to. I've got no one else. You don't ever have to see me again after. I just need to see you just one more time to apologize and do what I can to make things right.
Please don't leave me waiting and wondering. I, honestly, don't know how much longer I can hold out. Please, don't let me die, Addy. You're all I have.
If you have any compassion left to give me, I'll be waiting each night for you at the dead end of Harlow Road next to the Greensboro Trailer Park.
Please. My life is in your hands. It always was.
Forever yours,
Eric
Addy felt her chest constrict harshly and her breathing cease. All the memories of that night flooded back into her head as a title wave of untamable and unchecked emotions swarmed within her chaotically. Everything was flashing in her mind of the horrors she experienced that night along with the puzzling good times she had with Eric. Her intense feelings were conflicting making her deeply confused and scared.
She could almost hear Eric's voice begging for forgiveness and his life as she read. A deep and sharp hurt cut deep into her core at not only the hurt and betrayal of being assaulted and almost raped by the man that was supposed to love and protect her, but putting the responsibility of his life in her hands. It was another pain and burden that fell heavily against her bruised heart. Yet, despite all that Eric has done to her, Addy could help but have feelings of strong sympathy for the man which frustrated her and confused her. How could she still have feelings and compassion for the man that violated her on such a horrific level? What the hell was wrong with her?
As Addy's emotions heightened, Eric's words began to seep into her kind heart and have a profound effect on her. It was true that Eric never did hurt her so deeply sober. That night it was like he had changed into a completely different man. The man that did that to her was a monster. Not the Eric, she knew. Perhaps, it was just a one-night incident where the alcohol that made him snap? Addy wanted desperately to grasp a hold on what was good in the man, innocently believing it to be a possibility. Despite believing it was no excuse to what he had done, it did gain her sympathies and understanding.
There was good in the relationship and there were memories that she did look back on fondly. However, there were also many problems that Addy now realized were red flags and signs that showed they just weren't right for each other. There was no chance for reconciliation or making amends after what he had done. It would always be in the back of her mind, even if he promised to never drink again, the relationship was not be salvageable. And what was more, she had a new family now and Eric was just not in the picture of her future anymore. However, that did not mean he deserved to be disregard and left to his own devices to take his own life. No matter what he had done, Addy still held a glimmer of affection for the man she had spent four years with. Addy's forgiving heart ached harshly in her chest as concern and fear for the man ending his life pushed her body into a panic. What if he kills himself because of her? Addy felt an unwarranted guilt build up within her at the terrifying prospect. But, what if he's lying just to get her to see him? But, then again, what if he's not? Addy gritted her teeth and felt tears of fear, frustration and bitter sadness line her eyes feeling a chaotic anguish of worry and confusion consume her.
Addy looked towards the far wall of the brick building where Daryl and Merle were behind getting the propane tanks. Should she tell Merle? Ask for help? Advice? Addy shook her head wildly at the stupid idea as she ran the back of her hand under her nose sniffling loudly. Merle would just tear the paper up and probably express his hope that Eric does end his life. That was not okay with Addy. If she had a chance to save the man, she was going try. Even if it was all just a lie, her soft heart just couldn't take not knowing if she was the cause of the man's death, a man she once believed she loved. She just couldn't leave it alone as she felt a weighed responsibility as a human being with compassion.
Addy felt her body shake as all of her emotions rushed to the surface. She wanted to scream in frustration and pain feeling like she was split down the middle. Part of her wanted nothing to do with Eric anymore while the other part still held onto the good that once was. Addy shook head at the unfairness and agony of it all. And how the hell was she even going to get to the dead end of Harlow Road at night? Merle would never let her go. Nor did she feel she could confide in Daryl either. Like everything else she had to do in her life, this was something she had to do alone. And what was worse, was she felt she had to suffer through this horrible situation alone without the aid or comfort of Daryl and Merle as they wouldn't understand her. Hell, Merle would probably spank her for even arguing against her over the subject. It was all just hopeless.
The rumble of the old familiar engine hit her ears and Addy felt a surge of panic shoot through her. Addy quickly swiped away her tear-filled eyes before folding the note and shoving it into her front jean pocket just in time to see the rusty red pick-up truck round the gas pumps pulling up just alongside of gravel parking lot. Addy quickly bent down and picked up her Kit Kat Bar as Daryl flung open the passenger door. Addy hastily ran over to truck her brown ponytail swishing behind her. Addy quickly climbed over Daryl into her spot in the middle of the old firm bench seat squished herself between the two brothers. Addy forced herself to keep a stoic rather casual expression on her face, sinking all of her pent-up emotions deep within her as Merle swerved the truck down the back country road.
0000
The hours of the day ticked by painstakingly slow as Addy went about her chores, the pain of the letter weighing heavily on her heart. A few opportunities arose throughout the day where Addy almost broke and spilled everything, but every time she managed to stop and convince herself otherwise allowing her insecurities to take hold.
Finally, when nighttime came around Addy was filled with an agonizing anxiety and fear that she had only truly experienced once in her young life and that was when Eric assaulted her. And now, here she was, planning to sneak out to go meet the very man? Addy knew that there had to be something seriously wrong with her as none of it made sense.
Addy shook her head confused, frustrated, and deeply saddened. Why did she have to care about this man that hurt her so deeply? How insecure did one have to be to feel this way? However, the worst part of it all was she couldn't convince herself feel differently. And if that made her weak then she was weak.
Addy's body physically shook in trepidation as she slowly tip toed down the hallway towards living area where Merle was. As soon as Merle's seated frame came into her view, she halted her steps hiding just in the shadow of the hall. She felt herself let out a slow shaky breath through her nose. Merle lay stiffy against the tattered cushions of his old recliner, his head arched back somewhat against the top of the chair while his arms rested atop the armrests in a relaxed manner. His eyes were gentle closed and breathing was slow and steady. Addy prayed he was asleep. She knew he had to be tired with all the work he had done today and she held onto that hope tightly.
Addy waited a few moments expecting Merle to stir, but the man lay stiff and unmoved, and before Addy lost her nerve, she convinced her heavy legs to take a step towards the fridge where the truck keys sat. Her muscles were straining with resistance as it seemed every part of her was fighting harshly against her going through with it. She didn't want to go, in fact, she never wanted to see Eric again. And not to mention going to behind Merle's back was a terrifying prospect in itself, knowing she would have to face him sooner or later when this was all over. He wouldn't just be angry, he would be infuriated because she was running off again, something Merle showed he had no tolerance for. Although, she had every intention of coming back, she held out little hope that it would aid her against his wrath. Addy shuttered at the thought of the spanking she was sure to get remembering how dreadfully painful his belt was. However, even that was not enough to deter her completely. The thought of Eric ending his life pushed her to go against her own instincts and wishes. Putting someone else's wellbeing over her own was not something she was unfamiliar with and she, yet again, allowed her soft heart to dictate her actions.
Her heart was hammering harshly against her tight chest as she slowly and carefully lifted the truck key off the top of the fridge. The key scrapped ever so slightly against the top making a minor sound that caused Addy's muscles to freeze in fear as her eyes shot over to Merle who still did not stir. Addy watched his chest rise and fall evenly in a restful pattern. With her hands shaking, she quickly slide the key into her front jean pocket. With one last glance at Merle Addy turned around and walked over to the door slowly twisting knob with her clammy palm attempting to make as little noise as humanly possible. Addy managed to just barely open the door when Merle's sudden voice made her jump out of her skin.
"Where the hell ya think ya goin', girl?"
Addy's heart was in her stomach as she whirled around to look at Merle, her green eyes wide in startlement feeling her heavy chest rising and fall harshly. She had been caught.
Merle's droopy eyes squinted in irritation at her as he lay unmoved from his resting position on his recliner except for his head that he reluctantly lifted off the comfortable chair. His face appeared groggy obviously tired from the long laborious day he had, not appreciating being woken up so suddenly.
Despite the rushing anxiety that was swarming within her body, Addy bravely managed to collect herself.
"I-I couldn't sleep. Just want to sit outside for a bit." Addy explained quickly thinking on her feet as she attempted to keep her voice as steady as possible. If she aroused any suspicion from him, Addy was sure her composure would break and she would be, for a lack of a better word, in deep shit.
Luckily for Addy fate was, uncharacteristically, on her side tonight, Merle was far too tired to notice anything out of the ordinary. It was not unusual for Addy to sit outside the trailer at night nor was it uncommon for the woman to be jumpy when she was surprised by something. In fact, the man was just too worn out to want to believe anything different. His muscles ached and his limbs were heavy and had no intention of moving from his comfortable position.
"Fine." Merle expressed dismissively giving her a curt wave of his hand for her to leave him in peace so he could rest his tired self. Merle closed his eyes settling himself back against the cushions of his well-used recliner.
Addy felt herself fill with a sudden relief as she couldn't believe her luck and immediately went out the door pulling it gentle shut behind her. Addy felt a weight of guilt hit her as she flat out lied to man knowing that her actions were going to anger and disappoint him. Addy face scrunched up into a guilty frown as she tipped toed her boots carefully down the old wooden steps. Addy cautiously look around for Daryl feeling her breathing pick up as she unsure of where the teenager was at the moment. Where ever he was, he was nowhere in sight. Addy eyes landed on the red rusty pick up, a reluctant grimace crossed her face as she was preparing herself to practically steal the thing. Well, technically, she was borrowing, but Addy knew Merle would not see it that way. In fact, she was sure he wasn't going to see any of this her way. God, he was going to murder her. Addy felt a whimper of hesitation quiver in the back of her throat and her bottom clench unexpectedly.
However, a sharp urgency began to pick up in Addy as she knew it was getting well past nine o'clock and the fear of not knowing how late Eric would wait for her pushed her to move her heavy feet towards the truck. Addy rounded the front of the truck to the driver's side, cringing fearfully as the rusty door creak and scrapped in protest like it always did, despite her extra caution. Fearing that Daryl or Merle might have heard that familiar obnoxious sound, Addy quickly scrabbled in the truck not bothering to close the door quietly as it was just useless. Addy's shaking hands scrabbled to place the key into the ignition. After two painstaking attempts, she managed to steady herself enough to succeed.
Daryl's head shot up from his slumped position in the garage at the unexpected distinct sound of the rusty truck hinges scrape against his ears. Daryl shook his head at his startled reaction his choppy bangs swaying slightly over his forehead. Merle was probably getting something out of the truck, although he couldn't imagine what as he thought the man would be passed out by now. Daryl turned his attention back to tampering with his sawed off.
Addy twisted the key sharply in the ignition only to have it sputter in resistance making Addy's panic rising to the tenth degree. Oh no, no, no, no. Please don't do this.
Daryl's head shot up again, his brows frowning in confusion as to why Merle was starting up the truck.
"Come on." Addy encouraged more for her own benefit and comfort then the truck's. Addy turned it once again holding a bit longer, but the old tired machine did not start.
Addy felt her body shaking in absolute terror that she would be caught before she even got the darn thing moving. She would be caught and dragged out of the truck and Eric would be left waiting. And what if the worst should happen and he commits suicide because of it? She could not bear the guilt.
"You really are a piece of shit." Addy spat at the worn machine as she attempted again jerking her wrist harshly as she twisted the key. Whether it was the insult or 'third times the charm', the truck finally rumbled to life.
Without any hesitation, Addy flicked on the headlights and threw the old chevy into drive pressing her foot down harshly on the gas in urgency. There was no way in hell they did not hear the loud rumbling engine of their own truck. The truck's back tires spun in resistance at her anxious led foot before jerking harshly forward. Addy's body jolted and bounced harshly at the truck's lose suspension as she forced it roughly over the rugged ground. Addy was kicking herself for not thinking to fastening her seatbelt first as she knew 'the terrain ain't flat', but it was too late now and she had to leave quickly.
The sound of the sputtering engine came muffled in Merle's sleeping ears making him blink his heavy eyes open. It wasn't until the roar of the familiar engine thundered against the silence of the quiet night, did Merle's eyes fling open awaking him instantly in alarm.
"What in the actual fuck…?" Merle cursed springing out of his chair like he wasn't slumbering away peaceful only two minutes ago.
Merle rammed out of the trailer, flinging the door open so hard that it slammed roughly into the pleated metal siding adding another permanent dent to the old tattered trailer. Merle instantly halted on the deck as his eyes locked onto to his old chevy swaying and jerking wildly on the uneven ground towards the open path. Merle's jaw slacked as he stood there for a moment in utter bafflement. His sharp eyes squinted just catching a glimpse of Addy's small body bouncing in the seat, her pony tail swishing from side to side as she swerved the wheel down the beaten path recklessly.
"GIRL!" Merle's angry voice boomed like a shotgun blast echoing sharply against the open clearing. However, that did nothing as Addy continued down the path. If anything, she became even more careless with her speed on the rough ground. The illuminating glow of the headlights jerking wildly against the darkness of the woods.
Merle's whole body went ridged feeling his muscles constrict harshly against his skin as he began to shake with uncontrollable rage. With his fist clasped at his side, Merle clenched his jaw tight as his upper lip curled back into a seething snarling.
He couldn't believe the woman's audacity! She stole his fucking truck! Just wanna to sit outside my ass!
Merle could not believe the level of disrespect and disregard the young woman was displaying towards him. Lying to him, stealing his truck, not to mention driving it reckless as hell. He wouldn't be surprised if she hit a damn tree. And the worst part of it all, she was running off again like a damn fool.
To Merle, this was the biggest 'fuck you' he had ever gotten. And from a five-foot little hellion no less? Grown ass men wouldn't have the balls! She might as well just have spat in his face as it would have been the equivalent.
Merle was scalding with fury, however, that fury was not unaccompanied by a resounding sick feeling of worry as he had no idea where she was running off to. Many thoughts ran through his mind and none of them were comforting. Did she just want to rebel against him? Got another invite to a bonfire? Leaving them without a word and the truck was just a little added bonus for transportation? That last thought made him clench his teeth feeling bitter prevailing hurt cut through him sharply. Merle immediately masked his hurt with anger using it as fuel towards his outrage.
Whatever her reason for this little joyride and driving it like a reckless little thief, mattered little against his wrath. Merle didn't know where the hell she planned on going, but one thing was for sure. He was going to find her and when he did, he was going to give her the ass whoppin' of her young life and then some. How fucking dare she?
"DARYL!" Merle's voice thundered harshly as his heavy boots thudded down the wooden steps.
Daryl, who had been standing outside of the garage looking utterly dumbfound at what just occurred, jerked his attention toward Merle who was stomping towards him looking downright murderous. Daryl couldn't help, but take a step back when Merle walked past him to jerk open the rusty metal bay door of the garage.
Merle carelessly kicked all the miscellaneous trash out of the way of his precious black 1978 Harley Davidson FLHS. Wasting no time, Merle flung his leg over straddling the large bike. His bare arms flexed as he gripped onto the handle bar, Merle roughly kicked the jiffy stand back with the heel of his steal toed black boot.
"Move yer ass, boy." Merle snapped with frustration at Daryl having no ounce of patience or Zen left as Addy took that all way in an astounding twenty seconds flat.
Quickly Daryl scampered over to the bike straddling it behind Merle. Daryl could practically feel the fury radiating off his older brother like a boiling furnace ready to explode at any moment. In times like these Daryl just as soon give Merle some much needed space to cool off, but that was impossible as Addy decided she was going to take stupid to a whole new level tonight. What the hell was she thinking?
"That little shit ain't got no clue what she's in fer when I find 'er." Merle gritted ominously as he quickly readied the bike, starting the rumbling engine before immediately closing the choke and gunning the bike out of the garage making Daryl lurch forward slamming against his brother's stiff back. Having no choice, Daryl immediately wrapped his arms around his brother waist to prevent him from getting thrown off the bike. Merle raced recklessly down wooded path with every intention of finding his little joyrider and dragging her bold little ass back home where she belonged – after he spanked the ever-loving shit out of her, of course.
TBC
Uh oh. Addy, Addy, Addy. Did you make the right choice girl?
Please stay tuned for Part 2.
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