Why does Chloe hate me? Am I good enough? Are my friends really my friends? Are they just pretending? 'They probably make fun of you and every clumsy little thing you do.', a voice in my head tells me. I have a lot of questions but nobody to answer them. I'm always alone. But I guess having a battle with myself is hard enough, having people around to distract me makes it hard to focus.
All these thoughts are making it hard not to cry. Mama always tells me not to listen to the things Chloe says and Papa tells me that if I'm ever feeling sad, no matter what time it is or what he's doing, that all I have to do is ask for his comforting bear hugs. I love my parents I really do, but sometimes I wonder if they would be happier without me. Hell I wonder if all of Paris, no, if the entire world would be happier without me.
Tikki tells me that I'm Ladybug with or without the mask, but am I really? I mean Ladybug is entirely different from Marinette. Talking to Chat has always made things easier. He doesn't know about my problems, he has no idea I'm sad all the time. Fake smiles have become something I'm really good at. But ,not that I would tell Chat, his puns and funny demeanor make me smile a little bit.
Honestly what do I think I'm doing being up this late. I'm just going to fall asleep in class, that would give Chloe something else to make fun of me for.
"Marinettes?"
Oh shit!
"Yes, what is it Tikki?"
"You should really get some sleep. Who knows what tomorrow is going to be like and you need to be awake for it.", she's always worried about me. Not that I can blame her. I'm worried about me.
"Sorry Tikki I guess I'm thinking to much."
"It's okay. Just close your eyes and let sleep take you over." That almost made me giggle. By the time she finished her sentence she was already curled up into my pillow sleeping.
Just as I was about to fall asleep a thought went through my head. Sharp, find something sharp. So I got out of bed and went to my desk. There I found a blade, a razor blade. I went back up to my bed and climbed up on to my balcony,(careful not to wake Tikki). Next thing I knew I was sitting Indian stile on my chair holding the blade to my wrist.
It sort of scares me but the amount of fear is nothing compared to the amount of want. So I take a deep breath and made my first cut. It stung a little but it felt so damn good at the same time. When I saw the blood ouze from my wrist I couldn't help but be amazed. Before I realized it I had about ten cuts on my wrist. I was bleeding a lot, but I didn't care.
*Well there's the second chapter. I did go back to the first chapter and change the story line. Not a whole lot just a few small things. I talk about anxiety the way I do because I have personal experience. Other than that little detail I hope you liked it. Please feel free to tell me what you think in the comments.*