Chapter 8: Heading Up North

It was all a familiar feeling. Eyes belonging to strangers all were focused on me. Only difference this time was that there was another person with me that caught their staring. I almost had the time to change out of my uniform but Delilah was looking for me to help out with tank repairs thanks to the Serbs. I had to hightail it out of my quarters and was able to get Dixie to follow me. Looking back now, I realized that I was pretty much dragging her by the hand as we got to the first boat to take us to a passenger frigate heading to Saunders.

I've already been through the song and dance of other people confused by my uniform so it wasn't as awkward for me this time around. Especially with Dixie by my side, I don't think it really matters how everyone else sees me. It's certainly a new form of the feeling, less apathy and more of something else. Another relief this time around was that I had made it a habit to leave my sword in the tankery garage. No need to worry about that when I get to see little Clara.

This time around the only other passengers looked like grown ups. Likely parents coming to some kind of event going on over there. Regardless, we spent a few hours waiting in that frigate. There were some awkward silences here and there but nothing too bad. By the time we got to Saunders, the sun was setting. It was a nice orange being reflected on the sky and the water.

"After you," I said with a curt bow.

"Thank you," Dixie responded as she was the first to leave the boat.

We finally set foot on the school ship and I could see just how enamored Dixie was by the sight of everything. The extravagance was clearly breathtaking even for a repeated visitor like myself. Our journey had plenty of interruptions thanks to the commerce street's shops. I even got to learn that chocolate pudding cake was Dixie's favorite pastry. But after many detours and looks from the people there, we finally made it to the school grounds. Thanks to my last visit, I was finally able to remember where the dorms were. Only five minutes had to pass before I knocked on little Clara's door.

"Who is it?" I heard my little sister ask.

"Candygram for Clarabelle Jefferson!" I answered in a falsetto.

We heard footsteps and not before long the door was opened. The girl who appeared before us wasn't Clara. Instead, it was that blonde girl I saw in that picture last time I came over.

She looked at me from head to toe. From my hardee hat to my boots. "Who are you?"

"My apologies," I said as I took my hat off. "I'm Johnny, and this is-"

"JOHNNY!" Before my name could reach Dixie's ears I was promptly tackled to the ground by Clara. She held me in a tight embrace before looking up. "Who're you?"

"I'm Dixie."

The leader of the Stonewall extended a hand and helped my sister get back on her feet. I was left to my arms and knees to stand up.

The blonde girl tilted her head before extending a hand. "I'm Kay."

I shook her hand. "Nice to meet you, Kay."

Kay turned from me to Dixie. "I'm guessing this is your first time in Saunders."

Dixie looked down a little bashfully. "Yeah."

"Come in, come in!" Clara yelled as she and Kay led us into the dormitory.

This time around, a lot has changed. "What happened here?" I asked, looking around the room.

Clara turned giddy to my question and ran towards the center of the room to show off the three walls that each possess a flag. The one behind her was the obvious stars and stripes of our nation. The one to her left was our home, the traditional North Carolinian flag. And the wall next to me had the Blood Stained Banner of the South. Dixie was once again enamored by that and pretty much everything else in the room. Under the North Carolinian flag was a bunch of pictures of her and our family. She even had a painting of our great grandmother when she was a child.

Under the stars and stripes was pictures of everything that's been happening in Saunders. There was the same picture I saw from a while ago of Clara and Kay. I turned to face the blonde once again but then I noticed there was another girl there. She was a brunette like Dixie but was noticeably shorter.

"Uh, hello." I greeted.

She looked me in the eye and immediately turned to Clara. "Who's this?"

"That's Johnny, my brother."

She looked back at me with a stronger confusion than a few seconds ago. "I don't see much resemblance."

"Come on Alisa, be nice," Kay said as she put a hand on Alisa's shoulder.

"Is that you Johnny?" Dixie asked as she picked up a picture under the blood stained banner.

It was a picture Clarabelle took of me taking my first step into Johnston. It showed me waving at her from afar, the passenger ship's rail was in the picture which gave a strange focus blur to both what's close and far away.

I looked to southern flag and saw there was nothing else there. "I'm guessing there's something you want me and Dixie to do?"

Clara's face lit up even more. "Just need you two to mail me some pictures from your school's tankery games and friends!"

"I'll see what I can do," I answered with a slight smile.

After that, all the girls began talking amongst themselves. I couldn't quite get much of a word in since I had trouble just following the conversation. It was nice to see Dixie have a fun conversation at least. I knew that I was the odd one in the room so I decided to go back outside for some fresh air. The sun was finished setting, the night sky was cool and dark with a few specks of light in the heavens. I kept looking but I could not find the moon in all her glory. Must've been a new moon for tonight. I returned my attention to the campus and could feel the emptiness that surrounded me. Everyone's really in bed already and I'm still awake for once. The guard rail gave me some support as I leaned over and relaxed to the sound of silence that once again massaged my ears.

"Johnny, are you alright?"

The voice behind me belonged to my little sister. I had been years since I last heard her asking me that.

I heaved out a sigh. "Yeah, I'm alright."

"Come on," she tugged at my coat. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing in particular. Just, feel outside my element is all?"

"What is your element?"

I only chuckled in response.

"Come in, it's getting cold outside."

"You know the rule mom made about this."

I saw my sister's smile fade away almost instantly. "She doesn't have to know."

"No, but I don't want to risk it."

"Risk what?" I heard Dixie ask as she got out of the dormitory as well.

"Don't worry about it," I told her. "It's getting late, I'll be heading back to Johnston."

"Wait, what about me?" Dixie asked.

"You can come too if you want. If not, I'm sure Clara's more than happy to let you sleep over."

"I'd be more than happy to!" Little Clara said as she took Dixie by the arm.

I began walking out of the dorm area and was once again in the field that once was full of people and now is just me and my footsteps keeping me company. Not even my shadow gave me much companionship thanks to the moonless sky. I never felt more like I was home. Just myself and my thoughts, nothing else to ever keep me from seeing the images and words in my brain.

After a long while of walking, I was finally back to the frigate station. From the looks of things I deduced that there wouldn't be anymore to come for the night. Given that there was a sign that said closed in front of the check in kiosk. My best bet would be to stow away on a merchant or supply ship. I sat on the nearest bench and began pondering the best ideas until my eyelids began to feel heavy and I must've drifted off into sleep. Too close to the waves to not feel too relaxed I guess.

"Johnny? Is that you?"

The voice woke me up. I looked up to see Dixie looking down on me. "Good morning," I said while rubbing my eyes.

"Are you alright?" She asked as she sat beside me.

"You don't need to worry about it."

"Your sister got worried. I'm fine waiting outside when you talk to her."

"I can't be there right now."

"Am I allowed to ask why?"

I looked down to my boots, I could feel Dixie's gaze rest upon my shoulders. "No."

Dixie let out a sigh. "Can't you at least hear her out? We'll be in and out and you won't have to worry about anything."

"You say it like it's that easy." There was venom growing in my voice after I heard her ask that.

"I don't know what happened between you and your family. I don't know why you feel the need to disappear when you're with your sister. But, can you please let her talk to you about what's going on?"

"What good will come of it?"

"The same kind of good that came to me when I have my talks with you."

I withdrew the venom from my words and let it linger in my mind. "We're not same person."

"No, we're not. But that doesn't mean this isn't worth a try. If this ends badly, then I will keep to myself about this. Okay?"

"Just this once," I said as I got up from the bench and helped Dixie up.

We both began our march back to the dormitories and my mind was constantly occupied by what exactly is going to be said and what will be asked. The walk back felt much shorter than I expected. Before I knew it, I was face to face with Clarabelle's dorm. I gave the door three knocks and a pitter patter from inside responded until the door was opened. My little sister's eyes were wide when she saw me standing in front of her.

"You two take your time," Dixie said. "I'll be waiting out here."

Clara took me by the arm and we both were in her home. She held me in a tight embrace once the door was closed. Tears were welling in her eyes as she held me tighter.

"I don't care what mom or dad say," she began, "I'm not letting go of you."

I raised my left hand to rest on top of her head. "I know that. But don't be surprised with what will happen later on."

"What happened back then is past us. Why can't you or mom see it that way?"

I took a deep breath. "When you get older, you will understand."

"I'm not that much younger than you! What is there for me to learn about it?"

"When you have someone you're supposed to take care of. Then you'll understand."

Those tears in her eyes began streaming down her face and neck. "Can't you at least let me help you? Is that too much to ask?"

I could only look down in shame.

"Dixie said a lot about you."

I looked up, my demeanor certainly wasn't pleasant upon hearing that. "What did she tell you?"

"You actually helped her."

I was able to leave the dorm but little Clara held on to my sleeve.

"Why can't you do the same for me?" She asked as she let go. "Is she supposed to be your new little sister?"

My words were stuck in my throat. I could open my mouth, but no sounds would come out.

"Do I mean nothing to you anymore?"

"You do matter to me!" My lungs finally cleared my throat and allowed my thoughts to be heard. "What's going on between me and Dixie is something different."

"Like what?" Clara tilted her head.

"I don't know. She was just someone I decided to help out. I've had to use some words you've told me."

"Do you think there's more to you and Dixie?"

"It's possible-"

"Tell me more!" Her smile slowly came back but only in a more curt way.

"Maybe another day," I said as I scratched the back of my head. "But, back to the topic at hand. Mom and dad don't have to know about tonight."

And with that, little Clara's smile returned to its former glory as she ran past me and opened the door. Looks like Dixie and I will be spending the night here. It's fortunate that weekend started today.