25.

Wednesday, 6:32 PM

A: Ok - so we might have our work cut out for us.

H: No shit, football head.

A: Phoebe shutting you down too?

H: Yes…I'm trying to be "supportive" and give her a "Safe space to freak out" - but so far all I've gotten is my calls ignored, my questions dodged, and a series of confusing deep-fried memes about Shrek. so…

A: Oh - you're getting memes?

H: Geraldo leaving you hanging?

A: No - Gerald's talking, but mostly about the rise and fall of crypto currency, interspersed with weepy silences.

H: Gross.

A: I really thought they'd have tried to talk by now.

H: It's been one day!

A: THEY AREN'T SUPPOSED TO GO TO SLEEP ANGRY

Sorry. I just always admired that.

H:Wow - how they have betrayed you.

A: Helga.

H: I think we're gonna have to take more direct action.

A: I don't think we are gonna solve this by Homecoming, Helga.

H: Yes, we will!

A: Just sayin - we shouldn't put all our eggs in one basket.

H: No. But we can lead these ponies to water.

A: Mixing metaphors a bit

H: You know what I mean.

A: Kinda. How do we lead the ponies?

H: I have a plan.

Thursday 6:46 AM

A: Phase 1

H: Commence!

26.

Helga left her house early Thursday morning. A whole 45 minutes earlier than Phoebe usually arrived. She had to get going if she was gonna to pick up coffee from Phoebe's favorite local shop and fresh donuts from her favorite, and completely separate, bakery, and still make it to Phoebe's house before she left.

Helga was hoofin it. Arnold had offered to come pick her up - but she didn't want Phoebe to catch sight of Arnold and get suspicious or confused. Helga was determined, after all, to make this happen. So she got up early, raced to the shops, and balanced all the treats (a coffee for each of them, a canned double shot for later, and 3 donuts) on the way back to Phoebe's. Helga had just set down the coffees, shaking the hot drips from her hands when Phoebe opened the door.

"Oh!" She squeaked. "Helga. What are you doing here? What's wrong?"

"One best friend can't spoil the other best friend for no reason at all? Does something have to be wrong?" Helga said.

"For you? Yes - usually something is wrong."

"One extra hot americano for you my dear sweet best friend!"

"Spill Helga, what's going on?" Phoebe demanded, while also taking the coffee.

"In good time my friend. In good time," Helga said, adjusting her bag.

"SO there is something." Phoebe said, peering around Helga at the donut bag she knew and loved. "Is there a Boston Creme in there for me?"

"There's two," Helga offered the bag over. "And one pink frosted for me." Phoebe was clearly happy with her presents. Her mouth watered while she eyed Helga suspiciously. "And, a little canned caffeine for later." She shook the double shot at her and Phoebe snatched it up.

"I accept your gifts. I will gladly eat these donuts and you know I would never turn down more coffee." Phoebe said as she took a large, soft bite of the first donut. "But I make no promises about anything else." She turned and started walking.

Helga smiled to herself and Phoebe turned from her. I'll take those odds, she thought.

"Well, first thing's first, Pheebs. How was your night?" Helga dawdled.

"Oh my god, Helga! I'm already eating the donuts! Just tell me!" She screeched. Honestly, Helga respected the vigor and venom. Maybe all this was good for Pheebs - she could use more venom in her bite.

"Ok, ok! Don't go spraying donut everywhere. I may have a favor to ask of you." Helga said, both trying to sound nonchalant and slightly conniving. She had to create the reality of the scheme, after all.

Phoebe hemmed and hawed some more, really milking Helga's guilt.

"Will you - please," Helga added hastily, "please - GoToHomecomingWithMe?" She said the last few words so fast they ran together in a garbled gasp.

"WHA?" Phoebe said through a mouth full of donut.

"Will you go to - " Helga started again while Phoebe cleared her mouth of pastry.

"No - I heard you. I just don't understand." Phoebe took a large swig of coffee, coughing and choking a little. "I told you, we aren't going to the dance. Gerald and I - "

"I know, I know! I'm not," Helga replied with a pleading nature. "I am not trying to get you and Gerald to get back together in some elaborate scheme." Phoebe looked suspiciously from the corner of her eye. "Seriously. This is a totally selfish endeavor!"

Phoebe stopped abruptly and turned to Helga, coffee to her lips. "I swear, if you don't get to the point, I will spit this coffee at you." She took a sip and raised her eyebrows.

"Ok! I'm getting there." Helga squared off with her and did her best to look nervous. "So - I know you and Gerald aren't going anymore. But Arnold still is." Phoebe was starting to pick up the pieces. The girls silently agreed to keep walking. Helga continued, "He has shit to do for the newspaper or yearbook or whatever…and I think - I think this might be my best chance to finally get Arnold to be mine! At least for the last bit of our shared education!"

"How exactly?"

"Well, we have been spending a bunch of time together, as you know," Helga rambled on. "And it feels like maybe, finally a window is opening for me. We haven't been fighting! I mean we haven't been exactly flirting either - but not fighting is a great start! And if I can just get one dance - it might just be the intimate moment I've been waiting for to tell him how I feel!"

"Really?" Phoebe said. Helga gulped, afraid. "You're really gonna tell him?"

"I mean - tell him everything, or just ask him out for coffee. ONE OR THE OTHER!" Helga burst.

"Why don't you just ask him to the dance? And leave me out of it!"

"Like I said - we have not been flirting. It would be TOO big a leap!" Helga reasoned. "I need the dance to set the scene - the mood - the opportunity to get close to him without it being weird! Phoebe please! Please!"

"God! Why do I have to be there, though?" Phoebe demanded. Helga was ready for this one.

"I CAN'T GO ALONE!" Helga shouted. "It needs to be casual, I need to look good but seem aloof - so I go looking like I'm just comforting you! I don't want to look suspicious!" She was flailing quite a bit, keeping an eye on Phoebe's downcast eyes. Just a little more. "Gerald isn't even gonna be there! Please! I neeeed you! As my best friend!" Helga caught Phoebe's arm and swung her around. They stood looking at each other for a beat. Helga could see the strain on Phoebe's face and a wave of guilt passed over her. "Please," she said so quietly.

Helga knew it had worked before her best friend could say anything. It was in the resigned way she shut her eyes for a moment. "Fine."

"Oh my god! Pheebs! I owe you so big!" Helga threw herself forward and crushed her best friend in a hug. The ask may have been manipulated, but the hug was full of love.

"Yeah, yeah. You owe me a lot. Like a lot a lot." Phoebe said, breaking away.

"I sure do!" Helga said cheerfully. "I also sure do need a dress. So we need to go to the mall after school today. That works for you right?

"Helga!"

27.

That day at lunch, Arnold and Gerald sat at their usual table while Phoebe took Helga to the library.

"He essentially robbed his customers of about a quarter of a million dollars total. There is a theory that he faked his own death and ran off to India. It's a really good podcast, man," Gerald said, talking about another podcast he'd been binging.

"Wow," said Arnold, trying to focus as he pulled out his phone as if he was getting text. "Oh shit, I meant to ask you!" He said, doing his best to look exasperated and earnest.

"Oh god, what is it?" Gerald said, popping open a bag of chips.

"Why do you say it like that?" Arnold asked, distracted.

"That's what you say when you want to involve me in something," Gerald said. Arnold knew he had to continue on with the plan, but he now really wanted to inspect this. What does that mean?

"No - I just - " Arnold started.

"So you don't need my help with some task?" He asked, raising his eyebrows knowingly.

"Well - "

"There isn't a problem that you took on as your personal business to solve and figured I would do the same?"

"Ok - yes, but - " Arnold had to admit and was now scrambling for a save.

"Mm-hmm - I knew it. I can read you like a book man!" Gerald just kept eating and Arnold sat looking a little lost. "Well, let's hear it."

"Um - Well - we, I mean, the newspaper, lost the photographers for the dance this weekend." Arnold said.

"Where was the last place you put them?" Gerald poked.

"Ha ha, very funny." Arnold retorted. "But we still need photos for the paper and the yearbook. So, I said I would take them."

"And?"

"And I was hoping -"

"No." Gerald cut him off.

"I was hoping you would help me -"

"No."

"It is a two person job, and -"

"Nope."

"And no one else is available because of homecoming plans-"

"No way."

"And since you're not going to the dance with Phoebe anymore! There's no one else I can ask."

Gerald now just stared back at Arnold.

"It pays $75.00." Arnold said in a last ditch effort. Gerald looked interested but it wasn't enough. "You can have my pay too."

"Fine." Gerald said. "But I will not have fun and I will not be fun to work with on principle."

"Fair enough." Arnold said. "I'll tell Nadine we've got it covered." But instead of Nadine, he texted Helga.

"You still down for the arcade this afternoon?" Gerald said, happy with his new business deal.

"Yeah - of course." Arnold finally started in on his lunch and sharply asked, "What else have I involved you in, recently?" Gerald just scoffed and chomped another chip.

28.

After lunch, all four of them went their separate ways for class. But Arnold and Helga passed each other in the hall and stopped for a moment, leaning against the lockers.

"Phase 1," Helga said.

"Complete," Arnold finished. "AND - I'm out $150.00."

"What? You're paying him to go with you? You didn't - "

"No. He doesn't know anything. But I told him we were getting paid to take pictures of the dance. And I had to promise him my 'pay' too." The quotes around pay were accompanied by a disdainful tone.

"Once the plan is in action, you won't need to pay him, though." Helga reasoned.

"Yes - I - will." Arnold said. "I'll be lucky if he doesn't demand more in damages for our little scheme." He shook his head and Helga just laughed.

"It will be worth it, Arnoldo. Don't worry." Helga patted his shoulder.

"You wanna throw in for this fee?" Arnold laughed.

"Hell no." She gave him a little shove. "No one made you bribe him with real money! Plus, I gotta get a dress now, so."

"Oh right!" Arnold looked at her with a smile. "You gotta let me know the color so I can match you."

"Yeah, yeah. Calm down there, lover boy." They both laughed and maybe blushed a little. They said their goodbyes, broke apart and went to class. This rendezvous, though secret from their targets, didn't go unnoticed by some of their other peers.

29.

Helga and Phoebe took the bus to the Hillwood Mall that afternoon. Phoebe was doing her best to be awake and present with Helga, but she was also irritable, quick to snip and snap. Helga tried with each jab to stay patient. She laughed off several comments that would normally set her off. While at Sister Sally's Pretzel Place though, Phoebe said one thing that Helga couldn't let slide by.

"Helga, please stop pretending you know what I'm feeling. You don't understand." Phoebe was already walking away from the vendor with a cup of pretzel bites, leaving Helga to pay.

Helga had said "I know that you're really freaking out - but I do think that there is a broader perspective to discuss." Arnold had been feeding her tips about Gerald's state of mind all afternoon - like about feeling responsible for Phoebe's mental state as well as his own fears of not being good enough for her. Those were Arnold's thoughts, anyway. Helga thought that she was using language that Phoebe would respond to, she thought she was on track. She thought her patience was working. But - apparently not.

Helga found Phoebe sitting at the fountain in the central square of the mall. It was your typical granite fountain, water smelling like cold copper. It wasn't terribly crowded, but a few kids ran around on those animal riders and the square was populated by a smattering of teens and young adults.

Breathe, Helga. Breathe.

"Look, Phoebe - " Helga said as she approached, half expecting Phoebe to apologize for her tone. She didn't. "Phoebe, please look at me."

Phoebe looked up and raised an eyebrow. "What Helga, I'm here with you. Isn't that what you wanted?" She snapped.

"Yes - but - " Helga started again.

"Why do I also have to be happy about it!" Phoebe was clearly having a whole argument in her head, beating Helga back before she could actually say anything.

"Phoebe!" Helga said as her best friend stood up in a huff and started to walk away. That's it, Helga couldn't take anymore. Phoebe was heading toward the kids play area filled with tables, chairs, and play furniture in the shape of large fruits. Helga crushed her drink in a spasm of anger and dropped it into the fountain - she didn't notice the splash hitting a small boy behind her. She only had eyes for Phoebe.

Helga stormed forward, scooped Phoebe up by a slim bicep and lifted - just on the edge of causing pain. "That's enough, Pheebs." And she dragged her through the play area, to a small table and bench, housed in an alcove in the shape of a giant strawberry. At Helga's raging aura, all the kids had scattered.

"Hel - Helga! Get off! Off of me!" Phoebe fussed and straightened her clothes after Helga dropped her in the strawberry.

"Criminy, Phoebe! You are gonna make me pull my hair out!"

"Hmph!" What all she could muster.

"Look - I KNOW! I know that I have never been through what you're going through! I KNOW that I don't understand your stress or your pain or anything that you are carrying right now. I'VE NEVER been at the top of the class and I've NEVER felt that pressure and I've NEVER known what it is to be mad at and in love with Geraldo! And do you know why?" Helga paused dramatically. "Because YOU WON'T TELL ME ANYTHING!"

Phoebe stayed silent now - just averted her eyes. Helga brought her voice down and reached across the red resin table to touch her hand. "I don't understand - but I want to. For many many reasons, I'm sure, you haven't felt you can talk to me about all of this. But - "

Phoebe squeezed her hand almost reflexively. Helga continued. "But I'm here now. I'm listening now. Please, let me be here for you."

The best friends sat there in the strawberry for a long moment, looking at each other. Really looking at each other for the first time in too long. Phoebe could see that Helga meant every word and that she was ready to take whatever she had to offer.

Looking into Phoebe's face, Helga saw one more thin membrane of resistance break. Finally, Phoebe collapsed forward, brought her head to Helga's chest, and gave a small sob.

As Helga hugged her best friend tight, she hit record on her phone.