Disclaimer: I don't own these characters, I just play with them. This story is rated M, and is not suitable for younger readers. Story contains violence, coarse language and sexual "situations". Please do not read if any of these things offends you.
Note: [Beta'ed by: adt216]
Chapter 30 – Speak
Isabella Swan POV
August, 2009
I rolled my eyes at Jacob, and he nudged me playfully.
"C'mon, Bella… please? For me?" he pleaded, smiling at me again with his adorable grin. I rolled my eyes for the tenth time in just as many minutes.
"I said no!" I laughed. "I'm not going to that stupid thing!"
"Why not? We had a blast the last time," he said, pouting now. I gave him a tired look. I didn't need to answer him with words; he already knew what I thought about the whole thing. "But it's important," he argued. "Sam is going to let Emily in tonight. It's a big deal. So why wouldn't you want to go?"
"Because it's weird!" I said, exasperatedly. "I don't believe in this stuff, you know that."
He pouted even more as he grabbed my hand and held it between his big ones.
"I don't understand why you're not, though," he mumbled, sounding sad. "You saw firsthand what happened to Paul and Rachel… how can you still not believe?"
"Can't we talk about something else? It feels like all we've been talking about this summer is legends this and legends that… I'm tired of it… what happened to us just hanging out?" I sighed, no longer amused by his obsessive pushing.
"Fine, I just don't understand why you're being so difficult about this," he muttered. I turned my gaze away and looked out over the ocean instead. My legs dangled over the edge of the cliff, and my hair was blown back by the light breeze.
"Mom is acting weird again," I said quietly, without looking at him. "Even Dad is beginning to notice… she keeps disappearing and we don't know where… and when she's home, she's not really there… you know?" I turned my head to look at him again, but he wasn't looking at me. He kept my hand in his and looked down at them in his lap. He looked guilty, but he wasn't showing any signs of listening to what I was saying. "I think she might be cheating on him." I didn't really think that. I just said it to get a reaction out of him, but there was none. "Did you hear me?" I asked and he huffed lightly.
"She's not cheating on Charlie, don't be ridiculous," he said, his voice monotone and not convincing in the slightest. I frowned.
"What's up with you?" I asked. "You know you can talk to me…"
"It's nothing… it's just… Bella, you know how I… I… you're my best friend, you know?" He sighed, still staring at our hands like they were the most interesting things he had ever seen.
"Yes, I know. And you're mine. What's your point?" I asked impatiently.
"You trust me, right?"
"Of course I do," I replied, feeling slightly confused. "What is this about, Jake? Why are you acting so weird?"
"I just…," he trailed off with a sigh as he let go of my hand, "I just wish you could come tonight… it would mean a lot to me…"
I groaned as I pulled my feet from the edge and stood up. I brushed the dirt off my jeans as I walked away from the cliff-edge.
"I'm tired of this, Jake. It's always about those stupid legends with you nowadays. Why can't we just be us?" I complained. "We used to have so much fun, and now those stupid legends are all you talk about. It's getting on my nerves, to be honest. You didn't think much of them before. You always said they were jokes… but you behave like you actually believe them now. What the hell?"
"I'm getting older," he mumbled, as if it was an excuse.
"Whatever, Jake," I said. "I'm going home. See you later."
I made my way through the woods, towards the field that worked as a parking lot for the people going to the cliffs. I climbed into my truck, but I didn't turn the ignition and drove away. Instead I took a moment to collect myself.
It felt like my world was falling apart around me; this past summer had been so weird. My mom had begun disappearing, sometimes for days at a time, and when she was home, she wasn't really there anyway. Her gaze was always faraway, and her eyes were empty. She had lost some weight too, and I was afraid she might be sick. Maybe it was serious? Did Dad know?
I sighed deeply as I turned the key, and the engine roared to life.
When I came home, Mom was sitting in the kitchen, staring into space like so many times before. She didn't hear me come in; she didn't even react until I stood across from her at the table, clearing my throat. She looked up and met my gaze. I swallowed down the lump that quickly formed in my throat at the empty look in her eyes.
"Oh, Bella… my sweet, sweet, Bella," she cooed, raising a hand and stroking the air, as if she was really stroking my cheek. I smiled awkwardly and gnawed on my lip.
"How… how are you feeling?" I asked, shuffling my feet, and looking away.
"I feel wonderful," she said, her words almost slurring together. She pushed her chair back and stood up, before walking around the table and stepping up to me. She put her hands on either side of my face and pressed her lips to my forehead. "We're going to be wonderful. Everything is going to turn out just like it's supposed to," she said, still with her lips against my skin. She pulled back and smiled at me. "Are you looking forward to tonight? It's going to be beautiful."
"I told Jake I'm not going," I replied. Her empty eyes looked surprised and her mouth formed a silent "oh." Her face soon showed her obvious disappointment.
"Why not?" she asked, sounding eerily similar to Jake. "It's going to be beautiful. It's a special night, we have to celebrate… it's a big night for all of us. Of course you have to go. We're all counting on you. We can't do it without you there."
I rolled my eyes and stepped away from her.
"I don't want to go, Mom, and that's that. Jake said it was for Sam and Emily, and I don't get along well with Sam anyway…he doesn't like me, so I don't see why I have to go to their celebration or whatever," I said.
"It's not just for them," she said, her voice lowering.
"I don't care. I'm not going," I argued. I turned around and walked upstairs. I could feel Mom following me with her eyes. I closed the door behind me when I reached my room, and I plopped down on the bed. I lay back down and stared at the ceiling, sighing deeply.
I was seriously worried about Mom; she was not well. The empty look in her eyes was beginning to freak me out, and I wondered what the hell was going on. Dad should take her to see a doctor or something.
But even so, it would have to wait, since he was spending the weekend in Seattle for some stupid conference. This was a yearly deal; the people at the station went to Seattle every August for a weekend to participate in a police conference. He wouldn't be back until the day after tomorrow.
We could wait that long.
x x x x x
I went to bed early that night. Between Jacob walking on my nerves, and Mom being weird, I found myself exhausted. It took a lot of energy trying to keep up with all the changes, never knowing what to expect from people.
The summer was almost over now, and I hoped that once school started again, things would go back to normal. Mom would stop disappearing, her eyes would shine with life again, and Jacob would stop obsessing about those stupid legends of his.
And Mom will stop encouraging him.
For the past couple of weeks, I had grown confused. Mom and Jacob were not the only ones acting weird. Billy was acting weird too, especially as far as the legends were concerned. I had always believed he was with me on this one, that he didn't think they were true either. He had always told us about them in a tongue-in-cheek way, but ever since he told the one about eternal youth and beauty on Mom's birthday, I had noticed a change in him as well.
If this had been under any other circumstances, I wouldn't have cared much. What was it to me if they believed in those crazy legends? It wasn't any crazier or weirder than other religions and beliefs. But I did care, because the beliefs in this case were changing the people I loved. I didn't recognize them anymore, and it scared me.
So, what had changed? Why did Jacob suddenly take all the legends crap seriously? He never did before. We always made fun of the legends when we were growing up. At the special Quileute Days on the reservation, where we were exposed to more legends, we always snickered and rolled our eyes at the stupidity of it all. But now… not so much.
There was a Quileute fair a couple of weeks back, and that was when I truly realized that Jacob had changed. Usually we would walk together and make fun of everything, but this time was different. Jacob walked around with a serious expression on his face for the entire day, and every now and again, he would stop by some woman selling home-made Quileute bracelets and necklaces, and listen intently as she told him about the legend that she held closest to her heart.
He never did that before. He never stopped to listen – the only times we did was when we accidently heard one of the more outrageous legends, and we stopped just long enough to get a good laugh out of it.
It was all fun and games.
Until it wasn't anymore.
Mom encouraged his new obsession with the legends, since she was so fond of them herself. Then Billy started to show signs of believing them too, even though he never did before.
Something had made them change, and I didn't know what or why.
It was with a heavy feeling in my stomach that I finally drifted to sleep. My dreams were foggy and uncomfortable. It was as if my subconscious was trying to tell me that things weren't quite right.
As if I didn't already know.
My dreams became even foggier right before my body was shaken awake. I blinked a few times, feeling disoriented for a moment at being brought out of my sleep so abruptly. I turned my head and found myself looking at whomever had woken me up.
Mom.
Her usually blue-gray eyes looked almost black in the dim light that was flowing in from the hallway. I tried to focus on her face, and I realized the light wasn't the reason her eyes were weird. It was because her pupils were dilated to the point where it could no longer be considered normal.
Goosebumps erupted over my skin as she smiled down at me. There was no ounce of love in there; there was nothing but pure evil.
"Bella, sweet, sweet, Bella, come with me," she said.
"I wanna sleep," I protested with a yawn. I glanced at the clock on my nightstand; it blinked 3:05 am.
"I can't let you sleep. We need to celebrate!" she said as she pulled me up into a sitting position. I groaned and huffed.
"But Mom…!"
"No buts! We need to celebrate!"
"It's three in the morning. Can't we celebrate whatever you wanna celebrate tomorrow?" I sighed. I was too tired to deal with my mom, especially when she was acting weird like this.
"No, we have to do it now. It's the best time!" she said excitedly.
She pulled me to my feet and dragged me out of the room. I was too tired to protest, and I had a feeling she wouldn't listen even if I did. It was easier to humor her and let her celebrate whatever she needed to celebrate at three in the morning. The less I protested, the quicker it would all be over, and I could go back to bed. I knew this from experience.
This was not the first time she had dragged me up in the middle of the night to show me something or do something. But this was the first time had used the term "celebration." Usually she just wanted to show me the night sky, or have me help her out with a new and amazing cookie recipe she had come up with.
The lights were off when we reached the bottom of the stairs, but I could see the dim light from candles flowing out from the living room. It gave the room an eerie feeling, and I knew for a fact that this wasn't right. Why would she light candles in the middle of the night?
"Come with me, sweet Bella," she cooed and pulled me into the living room. I gaped at the scene before me. This wasn't happening. This couldn't be happening.
What the hell is all this?
"Sweet, sweet Bella," she said, kissing my temple gently, "it's time."
I swallowed thickly as Mom brought me forward. She all but pushed me down on the couch, and my eyes widened as I looked down at the coffee table. Several shiny knives were lying in a neat row on the table, as well as a bottle of red wine and a glass. Two roses – one red, one white – stood in a vase without water.
There were candles everywhere, and it almost looked like the room was on fire. The air was heavy, and it smelled faintly of strawberries.
What is going on? What is all this?
"Mom… what… what are we celebrating?" I asked cautiously.
She smiled at me, and I flinched at the empty look in her eyes.
"We're celebrating the Black Swan, of course," she said, and the excitement in her voice was weird in combination with the expression on her face.
"The…what?"
"The Black Swan… the union of two souls… two families…" she explained with a faraway voice, "… and eternal happiness…" She picked up a knife from the table and pressed the tip of it against her thumb; the edge sliced the skin easily. She smiled as she brought her thumb to her mouth. "Perfect," she said, and her pupils were practically vibrating as she sat down on a pillow on the floor.
"Mom… are you okay?" I asked slowly, more than a little concerned by the odd look in her eyes and the overall weird situation.
"Of course, sweetie, why wouldn't I be? This will be a night we'll never forget. Everything will change tonight," she replied, her eyes sparkling in the light of the lit candles. Her pupils were like black holes - sucking all the light in. I slowly moved from the couch and down to the floor so I was sitting next to her. She turned her head to me, the smile still in place, but her eyes were beyond empty now. It was as if she didn't recognize me. Or even saw me at all.
"Mom," I said, my voice shaking in fear, "what are you going to do?"
Her smile was lazy, and her eyes darted all over the place for a moment before they settled on me. She took my hand and held it softly in hers.
"We're going to do this together. We're going to make everything okay. No more pain and suffering. We will both find peace."
"But, Mom, I'm not in pain… I'm not suffering," I replied, confused and a little scared. I didn't like the sound of this.
"I know you say that now, but soon that will all change, and better to be safe than sorry." It looked like she was about to say something else, but there was a knock on the front door.
Who the hell is coming over at this hour?
"Come in, it's open," Mom called without letting go of my hand.
I heard the front door open. There was immediately a shift in the atmosphere of the house, and I automatically gripped my mom's hand tighter. We watched our guests walk in, and my eyes went wide. A weird mixture of confusion, fear and relief washed through me, and I didn't know what feeling to linger on.
Jacob was pushing Billy in his wheelchair, and another man stepped in after them and closed the door behind them. The man and Billy nodded at Mom, and she nodded back with a smile. I couldn't make out the unknown man's face, because he was standing in the shadows with his face down.
"I thought you'd never come," she said with a smile, as she stood up from the floor.
She walked over to Billy and kissed his cheeks before walking over and giving the faceless man a hug.
"I'll be in the kitchen," the man said as she let him go. He turned around and walked out of sight. Jacob walked up to me with a soft smile. He crouched beside me and held out his hand.
I took it.
"What are you guys doing here? What's going on?" I asked.
"I'm sorry you didn't come tonight; you really missed out," he said, grabbing my hands and holding them between us. He ignored my questions completely.
"Jake," I said, almost pleadingly.
"You should have come; it was beautiful," he murmured.
"Enough, you two," Mom said, pulling us apart. "We don't have all night…"
Jacob stood up and stepped aside, as Mom stepped forward.
"Is it time?" she asked, turning to Billy. He didn't look at his watch or anything; he just nodded. Mom smiled as she looked back at me, and I gnawed on my lip.
I had no idea what the hell was going on, and I didn't like it one bit.
Mom lit another candle and put it on the table, and it was obviously one of those strawberry scented ones because the strong scent hit me like a ton of bricks, as if the air in the room wasn't hard to breathe as it was already. The scent was way too strong, and it was stinging my nose.
"This is going to be great," she murmured to herself, "everything is going to be exactly like I always imagined." She looked up at me with a serious and frightening expression and I felt my stomach drop – she had never looked at me like that before. "You are clean, aren't you, Bella? You must be pure." I didn't know what to say, because I didn't know what the hell she was asking of me. So I did the only sensible thing – I nodded, because that seemed to be the answer she was looking for.
She was smiling as she picked up the sharp knife from the table – the very same one she had cut her thumb with earlier. It shone in the light from the candles, and the sight sent chills down my spine. I did not want to know what she needed the knife for; there was no food at this table. Was she going to cut her other fingers as well? For what purpose?
I wrapped my arms around my legs as I sat on the floor, and glanced over at Billy. I was hoping he would shed some light on the situation, but he was just smiling. It was the very same smile that my mom was wearing. Sinister and terrifying.
"Don't worry, Renée. She's clean… and if she's not, that's okay too. She's disposable," Billy replied in an eerily calm and quiet voice. I shot my eyes to Mom in bewilderment. What did that mean? I was disposable? "There are always ways to clean up that mess."
"Mom… what's going on? I don't like this," I said in a shaky whisper and felt a traitorous tear fall down my cheek. I was scared. No, I was beyond scared. I was terrified. I didn't like this, because I didn't understand it. Mom, with her empty eyes and sinister smile. Billy, just sitting there… smiling. Jacob, standing there, doing nothing. And an unknown man in the kitchen.
What the hell is going on?
"Shh, baby-girl," she cooed, but her face did not match her tone. "It's all going to be okay… don't worry… we love you, we won't let any harm come to you."
I met her gaze, and I winced at what I yet again found in her eyes. They were so very empty; her pupils were now even more dilated than before, now to the point where you could no longer see her irises at all. There was no emotion at all there. She wasn't looking at me like a mother gazes at her daughter – she was looking at me as if I was a stranger to her. Her words of affection did not match the emotionless pools in her eyes. She didn't see me. She didn't recognize me. Never in my life had I been more terrified. I hugged my knees tighter to me as I rocked back and forth on the floor.
Mom picked up a scarf from the chair next to her and held it out to Jacob.
"Jacob, please wrap this scarf around her eyes," she said.
Jacob stepped up to her. When I met his gaze, I saw my own terror reflected in them, but his face did not mirror it. He took the scarf from my mom's hands, and he swallowed thickly as he wrapped the thing around my head, covering my eyes.
"I'm sorry," he said with a pained voice. "I'm so, so sorry… but this is the only way for us to truly be together. You will thank me later…"
I felt him take a step away from me. I grabbed the scarf, ready to remove it from my face, but someone grabbed my arms and stilled my movements.
"No, the scarf stays on," Mom said. "There is no need for you to see this."
My heart was pounding in my ears, and I was beginning to get dizzy. What exactly was there no need for me to see?
She took my hand and pulled at it so my arm was held straight in front of me, then suddenly I felt a cold, sharp pain shoot through my arm. I cried out in agony and Mom sighed.
"Sweet, sweet, Bella, it's all going to be alright. You have nothing to fear. Everything is going to be alright…" I could almost feel the smile in her voice, and I imagined her eyes to be faraway and empty. "But I need you to be quiet…"
She cut me again, and I bit hard down on my lip in order not to cry out again. My body spasmed.
"But Mom… this isn't right… it's insane," I replied in a shaky whisper, as I felt my throat close up and tears fall from from my eyes, soaking the scarf. "You can't do this!"
"My sweet Bella," she cooed, and I felt her hand stroke my cheek. "It's all quite alright. Nothing will ever hurt you again, I promise."
"But nothing has hurt me, Mom… but you are hurting me now! Please, stop it, you're scaring me!" I sobbed.
"Now, now, Bella, we don't want to upset it," she replied. "The spirit of the Black Swan would not approve of your behavior. And we need not to upset it."
"But, Mom!"
"No buts! Be quiet now, Bella!" she snapped, no love was left in her voice now.
I choked on a sob and felt the blade slice my other wrist, but I was too shocked and numb to feel anything. I couldn't even find it in me to move to fight her off. I was too shocked.
What is going on?
"The wrists… the heart is next?" She was talking to herself. I felt the sharp tip of the knife press faintly against my skin, grazing the top of my chest.
"No, the heart is last," Billy said. "Wrist. Ankle. Stomach. Temple. Heart. Remember? But you need to cut deeper before you proceed. You need to have a clean wound. The Black Swan demands more than others… "
"Oh, of course, silly me," she giggled, grabbing my arm, and I felt the knife slice my skin again.
And again.
And again.
If I had been standing, I would have fainted by now.
If I had been sane, I would have fought her off by now.
I screamed out in bloodcurdling agony, and someone was quick to cover my mouth. It made it almost impossible to breathe. I tried to kick myself free, but someone had a steady grip on my shoulders and legs, keeping me in place on the floor.
The more she cut, the less energy I had to fight back, and I soon stopped altogether. I don't know how many times she sliced my skin, but it didn't take long for me to feel the blood pour down my arms and drop down on my pants. I slumped backwards against whoever was standing behind me and felt myself step into a deep fog. This was not good.
"Bella? Bella? You okay? Bella?" Jacob's voice was near my ear, and I assumed it was him that held me in place by my shoulders. His voice was concerned, and it was shaking slightly – he was afraid.
"Damnit… I haven't even begun yet… is she awake?" Mom said frantically. "Bella… Bella… look at me… Isabella Marie Swan! Look at me!" She was yelling at me now, and it felt like her voice was coming from all directions, kind of like surround sound in a movie theater. I tried to keep my head upright, but it felt like I didn't have any bones left in my neck, and my head kept falling back.
How did she even expect me to look at her when I couldn't even see anything with this thing covering my eyes?
Jacob disappeared from behind me, and I was now resting against the side of the couch instead. I felt lips against my wrist, and if I hadn't known any better, I would have thought my mom was kissing me. But I did know better. Even in my dizzy state, I knew better.
"It's not working," she complained with a childish voice. "I'm supposed to feel rejuvenated and she's supposed to glow… she's supposed to be the Swan!"
"Give it time," Billy replied calmly. "It could be days."
"But there's no difference," she continued, still with that childish voice.
"Patience, Renée," Billy chided. "Give it time. I told you before, this takes time. The process takes 72 hours… it can be a while before there are any visible signs."
She sighed deeply, and I winced when I once again felt the cold edge of the knife slice my skin. It did so effortlessly, as if my skin was nothing but liquid. She must have sharpened it beforehand. I wondered how my arms looked – did she create new cuts every time, or did she continue cutting the same ones? I guess it hurt just the same… it hurt so much…
"Oh Bella, what a mess you've made," Mom said, and I felt her dab something cold on my fresh wounds. "But it will be alright. It's for your own good… it's for all our good. This is what will lead us into the next part."
"Mom… please… stop… I… I don't… I don't feel so good." I tried to keep the whining to a minimum, but at this point I was desperate. Desperate and weak. I felt myself slipping deeper into the fog of unconsciousness, and I tried desperately to keep myself awake. The pain in my arms had subsided to a weird and uncomfortable dull sensation. "Jacob… Jake…" My words were nothing but a slur. It was as if I was drunk.
I needed Jacob. He could help me. He would never let any harm come to me. He could take me to the hospital. I needed a hospital.
"Jacob is otherwise occupied at the moment," Mom said to me firmly. "And please, Bella, be quiet. You're ruining everything. It's like you don't even have a heart." She sighed deeply and pressed her lips against my wrist again, I could actually hear her gulping. My heart stopped right then and there.
She's drinking my blood.
She's actually drinking my blood.
I tried to keep myself conscious, but I kept slipping into the fog. There was no turning back.
"There's too much blood… damnit… there shouldn't be this much blood… I can't cut the other spirit points… There's too much blood!" Mom's voice carried through the fog, and I heard the muffled sounds of someone leaving the kitchen and stepping into the living room.
"Is she awake?" the man from the kitchen asked.
"Of course she is, don't be silly," Mom said, sounding offended. "Right, Bella?"
I didn't reply; there was no energy for it. I was still in the fog, unable to respond even if I had wanted to. I was just vaguely aware of them even being there. There was a deep sigh and someone removed the scarf from my eyes. My eyes fluttered, but never opening fully.
"Bella!" Mom said sharply, as if all she needed to do was to tell me to wake up and I would.
I felt the man's strong hand touch my neck, and two fingers pressed against the part where you check someone's pulse.
"Her pulse is weak… damnit," he groaned. "You were supposed to call for me before you started on the other arm." He sounded tired but not surprised.
"I know, but I was in the zone. I'm sorry, sweetie," Mom said with a sigh.
"It's okay…" he trailed off and gasped. "What… where the hell is all this blood coming from?" I felt him lift something from my arm – I assumed it was the cloth Mom had dabbed me with earlier. "You cut too deep! I think you nicked the vein!"
"Is that… bad?" It was Jacob who asked. It sounded as if he was standing at the opposite side of the room now.
"Yes, it's bad!" the man growled. "We need to get her to the hospital! I can't fix this here. She's going to bleed out!"
"What does that mean?" Mom asked dumbly.
"That means she will die, and all our earlier preparations will be for nothing," the man replied. "Jacob? Please clean up in here, remove all the candles… but leave the blood."
"What? Why?" Jacob asked, sounding confused.
"Because we will have to make it look real. People will ask questions otherwise, and we don't need questions, okay?" the man replied impatiently.
He lifted me up from the floor, and the sudden movement was what finally pushed me over the edge. I didn't try to resist the fog as it swept over me one last time and made me one with the darkness.
x x x x x
I didn't know how long I was out, but when I woke up I found myself in a hospital room. My arms were wrapped in gauze, and Mom was pacing back and forth by the foot of the bed. She was biting the nail on her thumb, and she glanced at me when she noticed me move.
"Thank God," she sighed. She was relieved, but for some reason I had my doubts on whether or not it was because I was awake and alive. She stepped up to the side of the bed and took my hands in hers. "What happened tonight did not go according to plan. And now we have to wait another few weeks before we can try again… you and Jacob will be united, as well as our families, so you don't need to worry. Phil managed to draw some additional blood when you were brought in so Jacob and Billy will have some later-"
"Are you crazy?" I hissed. "What the hell was all that? You cut your own daughter! I almost died! I will not let you do that to me again. Never! I'm going to tell Dad and he will never let you go through with it. You stay away from me… Jacob and Billy too… you're crazy!"
Her eyes clouded over with anger, just as the door opened and a man in a white coat walked in. He looked at us and nodded as he made sure the door was safely closed behind him.
"She's awake, that's good," he said, and his voice was vaguely familiar.
"Yes, but she's not being cooperative. She is threatening to tell Charles, and we both know he's not ready yet." Mom sighed.
The man stepped up to the other side of the bed and narrowed his eyes at me. His gaze was murderous and his eyes shot fire, as if I had personally offended him. Who was this man?
"You will shut your mouth and do as we say, understood?" he said with a low, scary voice. I nodded numbly in response, too scared to say anything. "You tried to commit suicide tonight, you hear me? You cut your arms because you wanted to die. Stick to that story, and we will all be fine."
"But… but… I didn't," I protested weakly.
"Yes, we know that, but there is no reason for other people to know that. The Black Swan won't rise tonight," Mom said. "We need to do it this way, okay?"
"All this was because of a stupid legend? Are you serious?" I asked.
"It's not stupid," Mom said, sounding offended. "What happened tonight… or what was supposed to happen tonight has been written in the stars for thousands of years. Tonight was the night it was all supposed to come together…but again, we were hit by another curveball from destiny."
"So… what does it mean?" I asked.
"It means we have to make arrangements so we can try again. It took us months to prepare this one, so we need to do it again," Mom sighed. "Phil… what are we supposed to do?"
Phil sighed and rubbed his forehead.
"I guess you will have to go with me to Seattle. This is my last week here, and if you want me to help you with the preparations, you will have to come with me." He sighed and looked deep in thought for a moment. A small smile crept up his lip as he nodded at whatever he was thinking. "But I don't think that will be a problem." He met my mom's gaze and she looked at him expectantly. "Your daughter just tried to commit suicide..." he trailed off, giving Mom a pointed look, and soon a smile of understanding crept up her lips as well.
"Of course…it broke my heart," she said, putting a hand to her chest. They shared another look before they both turned to look down at me. The look in their eyes sent shivers down my spine and left an uneasy feeling in my stomach.
"I di-did not tr-try to commit suicide," I stuttered, and Mom almost smirked at that.
"Of course, you did, sweetie… of course you did." She stroked my cheek softly, but there was no love behind the gesture.
"Nobody will believe it," I said.
"Of course, they will," she said, still with that soft and loving tone.
"Charles will be here at any moment now… maybe you should prepare yourself," Phil said, and Mom nodded.
"Thank you, Phil… for everything," she said, giving him a look that held more than I was comfortable with.
"I'd do anything for you, you know that," he said, smiling in response. "I'll go prepare the paperwork. I will make this go away so you don't have to worry about it."
He left the room, and Mom took a deep breath, while gazing down at me.
"It's going to be fine, my Bella, we will all be fine. We just need to make some arrangements because of this unfortunate detour of the original plan. But we will make it work, don't worry," she said, stroking my cheek again. "You better stay quiet about this, or you will get hurt. And you don't want to get hurt now, do you?"
"But Mom…" I protested, but she put a finger on my lips to shush me.
"No buts," she said. "You tried to commit suicide tonight. You tried to take your own life, and that's the only thing people will know and think about tonight. Okay? The Black Swan is sacred and is not be to spoken of… especially not since the ritual didn't go as planned. Alright? You keep your mouth shut, and I promise you that everything will be fine." She took a step back, while taking a shuddering breath. Her eyes immediately filled up with tears. "And if you still choose to tell someone about what happened tonight… then I can't promise that it will all end well for you." She smiled through her crocodile tears, and it felt as if the blood in my veins froze to ice. "Your father must not know… it's not time for him yet."
x x x x x
November, 2009
I sighed deeply before meeting Edward's gaze for the first time since I began my story. His face was white as a ghost's and his eyes wide. I couldn't even begin to imagine what was going through in his head at that moment.
His Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed and a million different emotions flashed in his eyes before he settled on… I didn't even know what that was. He opened his mouth, but closed it again with pain flickering acorss his face. I couldn't help but chuckle at that.
I knew what he was thinking.
"You want to tell me it wasn't my fault," I noted quietly. He tried to scoff at that, but that simple sound was shaky and nervous. I immediately hated myself for pushing all that shit on him. He didn't deserve to have to carry this with him. This was my burden to carry, not his.
"What happened to your mom? I mean… she's here, right? You've mentioned her before, and I met her at the hospital after the… accident." He winced slightly at the mention of it, and I felt even worse because of it. "Also I saw her at school today… so did she go away? When did she come back?"
I nodded.
"She went to Seattle with Phil… She managed to fake a breakdown and got herself admitted to a mental health clinic in Seattle… She told my dad that she didn't want to come home until her doctors said she was ready… and when she was home for the weekend after the accident, she said she wanted to go back there because I wasn't ready." I sighed deeply and shook my head. "She's home now… for good… she said that the doctors had said they saw no reason to keep her… I wondered how she managed to fake it for so long… or maybe the doctors saw that she really was crazy and that she wasn't pretending… I don't know…" I trailed off with a crooked smile and shrugged softly. He glanced at me with a weird look in his eyes. "What?" I asked.
"You said she said something about them preparing for that thing for months… right? What if that's what she was waiting for? The right time to get back so she could finish what they started? Maybe the preparations weren't done yet and that's why she stayed away? And maybe she couldn't risk coming back sooner because it would fuck everything up?" He sputtered out theories, barely taking a breath in between sentences. He sounded genuinely concerned. It was obvious that he had really listened to my story and taken it seriously.
"Maybe," I replied weakly. "There is no way of telling what she's thinking. She's freaking crazy. For all we know, she might be back just to get her flying pink elephant and use it to fly to Lollipopland." Edward groaned at my joke and rolled his eyes.
"You can't fucking stay here, you know that, right? We need to get you the fuck out of here before she guts you like a fucking fish or something," he said, and there was nothing in his tone that suggested that he was anything but serious.
"Yeah? Are you suggesting that I run away again?" I sighed. "Do I need to remind you about why that won't work?"
He glared at me, but I just quirked an eyebrow at him. I was not afraid of him.
"Do you want to die or something?" he snapped, but then he caught himself and rolled his eyes. "Of course, you do." I couldn't help to chuckle at that. He sounded so frustrated. He really wanted to fix this. Fix me.
"Are you blaming me yet?" I asked softly.
He squeezed my hand and shook them between us, as if trying to shake some frustration out.
"I'm not blaming you for anything! God damnit!" he groaned. "It wasn't your fau-" I quickly cut him off by putting my finger to his lips. My face somehow ended up a little too close to his by that movement.
"Don't say it," I said quietly. "You promised me you wouldn't."
The frustration faded from his face, and his lips twisted into his signature crooked smile.
"But why don't you want me to say it?" he asked quietly, his lips moving gently against my finger. "It's the truth."
"Because it's not about that," I replied with a sigh, letting my hand fall to my lap. "It's about… I don't even know what it's about… this happened to me because they believed I was a part of some stupid legend. So how can that not be my fault? I must have done something to make them believe that… right?"
"That's bullshit, and you know it. Those people could have twisted a story about a damn flamingo in someone's backyard to fit into their fucking reality, if they wanted it. I have no fucking idea what the concept behind the Black Swan is, but it's not rocket science… it's in the damn name. You're Swan and he's Black… together you make Black Swan… So the only thing you're guilty of is having the wrong last name. And that's not your fucking fault, damnit!" The frustration was back in his voice. I narrowed my eyes at his words, but he just stared back at me with equal force. "I'm not going to apologize for saying it, because it's the fucking truth."
I sighed and looked away, but he wasn't having it. He grabbed my chin roughly and turned my face to his. Our faces were once again a little too close, but he didn't seem to notice.
"Your mother betrayed you in the worst way possible… she hurt you… almost killed you… and I don't fucking blame you for wanting to die anymore… I can't even begin to imagine what the fuck that's like… the ultimate betrayal… but you can't die. You need to tell people, you need to get those crazy people behind bars. Who says they won't find another victim to torture if you died? What if they find another Swan to fill the void? And torture her instead? You need to stay alive and fucking fight this. How can you just give up?"
"Because I can't take it anymore! Dad would never believe me if I told him now, and with Jacob participating in the whole deal… I have no friends to turn to, I have no other family. I'm alone. Okay? I have no one!"
He let go of my chin, smiling sadly at me. There was a flash of something in his eyes, which made me believe that I had somehow hurt his feelings, but I didn't understand how the hell I had managed to do that.
"I thought we had covered this already…You have me." Oh, that's how. "And if you ask me… I think I'm a pretty kick-ass person to have on your side." I chuckled at that and his smile grew. "C'mon, Sparrow, I have your back… I can help you through this. Let me fucking do this."
"But it's not like there's anything you can do about it," I said. "It is what it is."
He frowned for a moment, probably trying to come up with something he could do. Judging by the look on his face, he was coming up short. At least he tried. I patted his leg and smiled softly. "Don't worry abou-"
"We can tell my dad," he said, cutting me off. My eyes widened, and he looked at me like he had just hit the jackpot. "He already knows something is off about your scars. He wrote that down in your file himself. He fucking knows already! All we have to do is fill in the blanks!"
I gave him a tired look and shook my head.
"I'm sorry, Edward, but you don't trust your father. You said so yourself… so what reason do I have to trust him?" I asked. "And I don't trust doctors either. I don't trust the health care system… For all we know, your father will just think we're crazy and have me committed."
"But isn't that better than living like this? In constant fear? You put a fucking chair against for your door, for crying out loud," he said, gesturing towards it. "You're not safe here."
"I'm not safe anywhere," I replied softly, and the corner of his mouth lifted up.
"You're safe with me." There was no special tone behind those words - it was just a simple statement of a fact. I was safe with him – when we were alone.
"What happened to keep this thing a secret? You were supposed to stay away from me, remember? What if your dad gets the wrong idea about us? What if he thinks you're manipulating me in a sick way to get people on your side again… or something?" I was voicing the words I already knew he was thinking.
The look in his eyes confirmed it.
"But you… you can't stay here… you will die if you stay," he protested quietly.
"And if we tell people, you will get shit for it… people will get the wrong idea, you know they will. And there is no reason to screw up your life any more than necessary, right?" I said. "And by screwing up your life, we screw up mine even more… it's connected. I'm screwed no matter what we do."
"We're fucking stuck," he concluded.
"That, we are."
He turned his head to me, smiling despite it all, and I smiled back.
"I'll find a way, Sparrow, I promise I'll save you."
He grabbed my hand and raised it to his lips, kissing my knuckles softly.
"Don't make promises you can't keep. How the hell are you going to save me if we can't even be seen together? If my dad finds out, we both know that he will put a restraining order against you, and no matter how much I protest, we won't be allowed to see each other…"
"I'll find a way," he repeated, and kissed my knuckles one more time – this time letting his lips linger against them for a moment longer – he had a light frown on his face when he pulled back. He looked a little confused, as if he was pondering something. "Hand me your cell phone, would ya?" he asked suddenly. I gave him a weird look, but did has he asked. I reached for the phone on the night stand and handed it to him. He quickly punched something in, before handing it back to me. "There, now you have my number. I put it under 'Tony'... I figured using my real name wouldn't end well if someone were to find your phone."
"Why 'Tony'?"
"My middle name is Anthony."
"Oh… I guess you could put my number under Marie then… since it's my middle name."
"Forget it."
"What? You don't want my number?" I felt an odd twinge of disappointment at that, and I also felt a little offended, for some reason. He picked up his phone from his pocket and started playing around with his phone, and I stared at him in confusion. Why didn't he want my number? Did he think he had no use for it?
"Of course, I do, I even sent a text from your phone to mine so I have it…"
I sighed and almost rolled my eyes at myself. Way to jump to conclusions, Bella.
"Then what was the 'forget it' about?"
"You won't be Marie in my fucking phone. You're no Marie."
"You can't very well put Bella or Isabella there, or even Swan, now can you?"
"Those aren't your damn names, anyway…"
"Now I'm confused," I said, grabbing his phone from his hands in frustration.
I looked down at the screen and saw that he had just saved my number into his phone. I couldn't do anything but smile at the name he had picked.
"That's who you are now… okay?" he said quietly, sounding almost embarrassed by it.
Sparrow.
"Nobody knows about that name… it's ours, ya know? Even if some fucker stole my phone and looked up the numbers in it, they would have no fucking clue who Sparrow is. You're safe in here."
"And if someone asks you about the name… what will you say?"
"That it's a guy I ran into in Port Angeles, who thinks he's Jack Sparrow." I quirked an eyebrow at him, and he laughed. "Don't worry, if someone asks I will tell them the truth."
"Which is…?"
He took his phone from my hands and put it beside him before turning to me.
"That Sparrow is a fucking amazing person with a fucked up past… someone whose past I'm partly responsible for fucking up… someone I've wronged, but who I want to help out but don't know how… and someone who just gets me. Someone who calls me out on my fucking bullshit and doesn't judge." He smiled crookedly. He stroked away a strand of hair that had fallen in my face and tucked it safely behind my ear. "And what will you say if people ask you about Tony?"
"That he's a douche that gets away with way too much… but some of the grief he's getting is not deserved… I would not say he's misunderstood; I would just say that the people in his life don't have enough faith in him, and they always expect the worst from him… and even though he doesn't deserve any better, considering the way he has treated people in the past… he still doesn't deserve the grief he gets when he does try to help people every once in a while."
"I'm sorry for the way I've treated you, I really am," he said quietly.
"It's high school," I said, shrugging. "If it wasn't me… it would have been someone else. Besides, you were never that bad… yes, you spat out the occasional Goose at me if I was to pass you in the hallway, but other than that, you didn't do much…" I trailed off as I realized it wasn't the truth. I met his gaze and saw in his eyes that he was thinking the same thing. "It wasn't until the week of the accident that you changed… it just went downhill from there… almost as if we knew that the accident was coming… like when you told me you would kill me after I accidentally pushed you into that puddle of mud…"
"And I almost did," he said quietly. "Both Emmett and Dad have asked me if I hit you on purpose… because Emmett told Dad about what I said that day… and that's why I have no fucking reason to trust either of them. If they actually think I'm capable of that shit."
"And that's exactly the reason why I'm not comfortable going to him with all this… not yet anyway… it's weird enough as it is that you of all people know," I said. "I don't even know how to feel about this… us… yet. I don't even know what we are." My eyes grew wide when I realized how that must have sounded. "Not that we are anything," I recovered quickly. "I mean… we're like friends? Right? No? I mean… acquaintances? Buddies? Pals? Associates? Partners in crime? Hunting buddies? Shooting birds?" I chuckled awkwardly.
Edward gave me an odd look. I felt the blood rush to and away from my face at the same time. As if it didn't know if it was supposed to blush or be drained all together.
After an eternity of silence, he finally responded.
By bursting into laughter.
"Good lord… hunting buddies? Seriously? Have you always been this funny?" he asked, still laughing. "Don't sweat it, Sparrow, we're friends." He put emphasis on the word, and it rolled easily off his lips. When I said it had just sounded awkward and wrong, but when he said it, it sounded just right.
I met his gaze, and smiled.
We're friends.
He said so himself, and there had been nothing in his tone that suggested he thought otherwise.
So why did I get this weird feeling that he was still not completely convinced? Something in his eyes made me wonder if he was still conflicted. He was still battling something within himself, I was sure of it.
I just hoped I was going to end up on the winning side.