Disclaimer: I don't own these characters, I just play with them. This story is rated M, and is not suitable for younger readers. Story contains violence, coarse language and sexual "situations". Please do not read if any of these things offends you.

Note: [Beta'ed by: adt216]

Chapter 32 – "Tears"

Isabella Swan POV

I shut the window after Edward had left, before removing the chair from the door and stepping out of the room. I made it to the kitchen and was looking through the fridge when Dad came in. I frowned when I saw how tired he looked; it didn't look like he had gotten much sleep either.

He muttered something under his breath as he prepared his morning coffee, but I couldn't make out what it was. He kept avoiding my gaze at all costs, and I wondered what that was about. At that moment, we heard the front door open, and soon Mom walked into the kitchen with a bright smile on her face. Dad visibly relaxed at the sight of her, and she gave him a quick peck on the cheek.

They exchanged a few words, and Dad smiled softly at her. He soon left for work, and I tensed as Mom turned to me. The first thing I noticed was that her eyes were normal. Her pupils were not dilated at all. She looked absolutely normal. Dared I hope that everything about her was normal today?

"I bought you something," she said, her voice excited. She walked out of the room and came back a few moments later with two bags, a small plastic one and one with a fancy logo from some designer store in Port Angeles. She put the small bag on the kitchen table, before stepping up to me and picking up something big and white from the bigger bag. She held it in front of her, and I realized it was a dress. "I thought you could wear it tonight. Isn't it beautiful? It's silk… touch it, it's so soft."

I had to admit that the dress was beautiful. It was a simple, white, knee-length dress with beautiful embroidery by the neckline and the short sleeves – but there was no chance in hell that I was ever going to wear it. Not tonight or any other night for that matter.

"What's tonight?" I asked in a small voice.

"Celebration in La Push, silly," Mom said. "I already called your school on my way home, so they know you won't be in today."

"Excuse me?"

"We have to prepare you for tonight. This is it, baby." She smiled and pulled me into a tight hug, pressing the dress between us. "You'll finally be whole. No more heartache and pain. We'll be whole." I was absolutely frozen in her embrace. I wanted to hit her with my crutch, just like I had done to Tanya, but I couldn't even move. She pulled back and put her hands on my shoulders. "Let's get you ready… but first, you need to eat a strong breakfast."

"I… I... I just need to take my meds… they're in my bedroom… I'll be right back," I mumbled and she stepped aside, letting me go.

I made it to my room as quickly as I could on my crutches, and I snatched my phone from where I had left it on the bedside table. I tried to compose a text to Edward with shaky fingers, but I kept pushing the wrong buttons. I didn't know what she was up to today, but whatever it was, it couldn't be good. Her eyes may look normal, but she was clearly not.

No more heartache and pain, my ass.

"Bella, I think we need to- what are you doing?" Mom had suddenly appeared in the doorway, and she looked absolutely furious when she noticed I was fiddling with my phone. She snatched it from my hands and threw it at the wall. The back panel of the phone broke loose, and I saw how the battery flew under the bed. "You're coming with me." She grabbed my arm, and I did my best to keep upright on the crutches. She stopped in the living room and gave me a frightening stare. "You're really disappointing me, Bella. Why do you insist on disappointing me all the time?"

"I… I…" I stammered, but she didn't let me finish. Before I knew it my face was turned to the side with a burning ache in my cheek. She hit me. Again. Tears sprung to my eyes because of the sudden burst of pain, but they never fell.

"What happened to you, Bella? All you do is lie and deceive," she said. "You have strange boys over at night. and you act like you don't love Jacob. The celebration tonight couldn't have come at a better time. We have just enough time to prepare you and clean you of the demon that has clearly possessed your soul. At midnight you will be reborn and you will finally be able to drop this act."

She pushed me down onto the couch and gave me a stern look. "You stay there and don't you dare move. Don't you dare ruin tonight for me!"

I was visibly shaking in fear when she left the living room. I was too afraid to move. I didn't want to know what she would do with me if I tried to flee. Maybe I should scream? What would happen then? Nothing, probably. Even if the neighbors heard my screams for help, they wouldn't come. They didn't come running when I screamed four months ago. They wouldn't come running now either. The only one who would come running was my mom - and who knew what she would do.

It would not end well.

Mom soon came back with a wooden box in her hands, along with that small plastic bag. She put them down on the living room table and gave me a tightlipped smile before opening the box. My morbid curiosity got the best of me, and I leaned forward to see what was in it.

I shouldn't have.

A shiny dagger was lying on a dark blue fabric, and it shone as Mom picked it up.

"What… what are you do-doing?" I stammered, my eyes widening in fear.

She smiled lazily as she looked at the blade. "Don't worry, sweetie. It's all good now." She smiled and touched the dagger as if it was something precious. The handle looked old and handmade. It appeared to be made out of leather and wood, with various symbols carved into it. I recognized the style of the symbols immediately; they were all from the Quileutes.

I swallowed thickly, and she smiled again. "Billy gave it to me last night. We spent the entire night purifying it; it's spotless. Clean. Pure. We will use it tonight when we unite you." She sighed deeply in contentment and the sound only fed my fear. "Your father is going to be there. We will all finally be together."

"Dad is never going let you go through with this," I protested.

"Oh, don't be silly. He was the one who found out about the Black Swan and put the pieces together. You should thank him. He knows." I gaped at her, and she smiled as she leaned forward to stroke my cheek softly. "He loves you so very much. He can't wait for us to be together as a family again." She straightened up and put the dagger back in the box and shut it with a click. "But now, we have to get you ready for tonight."

She picked up the small bag and pulled out a container. She opened it up and held it out to me. Quileute Bread. I relaxed a little at the familiar sight of it and took the piece that Mom offered to me. I used to love this bread when I was a kid; it was one of the few things I missed about La Push. I always used to say that I could live on that bread alone for the rest of my life, because it really was that delicious.

After a few bites I began to feel weird, and when I looked over at Mom, I realized I had made a mistake. My head was spinning, and I couldn't even sit up right. I could hear Mom chuckle lightly, as if she was amused.

"Sweet Bella, good job," Mom cooed and kissed my head.

"I feel weird…" I complained weakly.

"Don't worry, sweetie, it's just the cleansing."

"The cleansing? What the hell was in this?"

"The first step to cleaning your soul, silly," she said with a light laugh.

Then everything went dark.

x x x x x

The darkness was a weird thing. I wasn't completely out of it, but I wasn't really lucid either. Every now and again, I would wake up and react to what was happening, but then as quickly as it came, I was back in the darkness.

I didn't know what I had expected her to do to me while I was unconscious. I guess I somehow imagined her cutting me again, making some weird potion out of my blood and then forcing me to drink it or something. Nothing would have surprised me.

Except for what she did.

When I first became somewhat lucid, I was finding myself in the bathroom upstairs. Mom was undressing me, and I tried my best to fight her off, but it was as if my limbs were not up for it. Even though I clearly couldn't fight her, she still got upset with me for trying. I had been sitting on the lid of the toilet, and when I tried to fight her, she got upset and pushed me down on the floor instead. My cast hit the floor so hard that I once again blacked out for a moment. But even in the darkness I could feel the pain, and it was excruciating. I cried out just as she grabbed my neck and pushed my face into the water in the tub. I immediately started to choke and her grip loosened a little as she pulled my head back up.

I spit out the water and coughed as I looked at her in horror. Her eyes were completely void of all emotion. It was like she wasn't even there. She said something about me behaving and I couldn't do anything but nod. That was when I decided that it wasn't worth it to try to fight. I would not win. I would lose. I was too weak. I was always too weak.

There was only one reason as to why I should have kept fighting her despite my weakness – and that was that she would have kept my head under water for as long as I fought. And if I fight long enough, maybe enough would be just that… enough.

I would have drowned. I would have died.

But I couldn't. Because I promised Edward.

So I didn't fight her. I promised Edward.

I soon blacked out again, only occasionally being lucid because she slapped me or did something to keep me awake. I vaguely registered that she had let me keep my underwear on, and she didn't force me to lie down or get into the tub completely. She just made me sit on the edge of it, with one leg in the water and the cast on the floor.

She washed my hair and scrubbed my body with such force that it made my skin red. It was as if she thought I had been contaminated with something. She didn't care that she got water on the cast. She just muttered something about me not needing it after tonight. I didn't even want to know what the hell that meant.

I blacked out again, and when I awoke, I was back to sitting on the toilet lid. She was blow-drying my hair now. I was even lucid long enough to have her finish my hair and start putting make-up on me instead. I closed my eyes as she began putting on some eye shadow.

When I entered the darkness again, I decided I wasn't going to try to keep myself lucid and awake anymore. What the hell was I supposed to do anyway? I had no strength left. It was as if my body wasn't even my body anymore. In the darkness I pondered her behavior and tried to make sense of it. Why was she so cruel to me? If this was all about us being united as a family with the Blacks, then why did she behave as though she hated me? Why did she keep torturing me, hurting me? Why did she behave like she was punishing me for something? In her head, wasn't this supposed to be all about love and unity? And if it wasn't about love, then what the hell was this all about?

I don't know how long I was out for this time, but all good things come to an end. Soon the darkness ceased, and I was able to feel my body properly again. My head was pounding, and it felt like my brain was trying to claw its way out. I blinked a few times, thinking for a moment that I had gone blind because it was so dark. It wasn't until I looked around that I realized it was dark because it was nighttime.

I was lying on the bed in the guestroom, and I wondered if I had been passed out all day. Was it even Tuesday anymore? Was it midnight? Had Edward been here?

Edward.

I became overwhelmed with emotions at the mere thought of his name. I felt completely drained. There was not an inch of my body that didn't ache, and I was so very tired. It didn't take long until my body was shaking in tearless sobs.

Edward.

I sat up slowly and looked around the room while trying to pull myself together. The door to my room was open. I tried to listen to see if I could hear anyone being home, but the house was quiet. Totally and utterly quiet.

I spotted my broken cell phone that was still lying on the floor, and I knew that this was my chance.

Edward.

I awkwardly got on the floor, trying to ignore the pain in my leg, and picked up the back panel that had broken off. I then looked under the bed to see if I could grab the battery. I saw the black object near the wall. I got covered in dust as I tried to wiggle my way under the bed to grab it. It took me a few moments, but finally my fingers grasped the object. I pulled myself out again.

I put the phone back together and said a silent prayer before I tried to turn it on.

It worked.

Thank God!

With shaky fingers I sent the quickest and shortest text I had ever sent in my entire life.

Help!

I didn't dare to call him. What if I had been wrong, and someone was still in the house and overheard me calling him?

I sent the text, and I could feel my heart pounding in my ears. It felt like I was underwater.

I almost jumped when the phone suddenly chirped, reminding me that I apparently had one missed call and a text.

The missed call was from Edward from this afternoon, and the text was… Oh my God…

"Shit is going down. Stay clear from crazy moms. Be safe or I swear to fucking God…"

It was sent around noon, and I swallowed thickly. Somehow he had known that something was going to happen today. How the hell did he know? And why wasn't he here? Why hadn't he come by yet? What was he waiting for? He knew something was going to happen, so why wasn't he here?

I stared at my phone as if it was the only thing keeping me alive, and Edward was the only thing keeping me here, so why wasn't he answering? He knew that he was the only thing keeping me from dying. So why wasn't he here when I needed him the most? Did he try? Did he get in trouble? I realized then that maybe he had been here. Maybe he got caught. Maybe Mom got a hold on him. Oh God, no…

I was all alone. He wasn't coming.

Whatever was going to happen tonight was my problem now.

I managed to stand up and I managed to keep upright even though I was a little wobbly. I pulled out the drawer in the nightstand and picked up the container of pain meds. I threw two of the white pills into my mouth before putting the container back.

No pain, no gain… I should be gaining a lot…

I looked down on my body, and it was then that I realized Mom – or maybe someone else - had changed my clothes. I was now wearing that white dress that she had bought me, and from this angle it almost looked like a damn wedding dress. A modest and simple one, perhaps. But still a wedding dress.

Was I getting married today?

My phone chirped in my hand, and I jumped in surprise.

I took a shuddering breath of relief when I saw that it was a text from "Tony."

"Where are you? I'm coming."

I quickly typed in my reply. "Home. Alone. Hurry."

I sat down on the bed again. My body was still too weak to stand up for too long. I looked down on my cast, and I choked on a sob when I saw that it was ruined - it being the owl. The pictures were absolutely ruined. There was nothing left of them but smudges. Even though it hurt that the pictures that Alice and Emmett had drawn were ruined, it didn't even compare to what I felt for the loss of the owl. Edward's picture meant something because it was personal for the both of us. It meant something.

And now it was gone.

I was so lost in thought as I stared down at my cast, that I jumped and shrieked in fear when I heard a loud bang from the front door as it slammed into the wall.

"SPARROW?" Edward called out. I tried to answer him, but I choked on my own words. I heard him run through the living room and soon he appeared in the doorway. He looked absolutely disheveled. "Oh, sweet baby Jesus," he exclaimed and wrapped his arms around me, hugging me close, another round of sobs shook my body. "You had me scared shitless. Are you alright? Did they hurt you?" I was unable to speak; the tearless sobs were hindering me from making any coherent sound. He's here. He leaned back, leaving our embrace, and put his hands on either side of my face instead. "Sparrow, talk to me…"

"They're coming for me," I sobbed. "Mom… I don't… they're coming for me."

"The only one who's coming for you is me, so let's get the fuck out of here. Have you taken your pain meds?" he asked, and I looked at him awkwardly.

"Yeah, I have… why do you ask?" I asked him.

"Because I wanted to make sure that this wasn't going to hurt you too much," he said, and without another word, one of his arms was behind my back, and the other behind my knees, and he lifted me up. I looked at him in shock and he forced a smirk at me. "What? You thought I was going to let your inability to walk fast slow us down? Puh-lease."

My weight didn't seem to bother him at all as he carried me through the house and out the door. I put my arms around his neck to keep steady and he smiled at me.

"Where are we going?" I asked in a small voice. "You can't carry me forever."

"I'm carrying you to that car over there," he replied, nodding towards a car that I could barely make out where it stood parked in the shadows.

I looked at him confused. "But I thought you didn't drive anymore?"

"I'm not," he said with a crooked smile. "Jasper is."

Edward chuckled at my puzzled expression, and I looked over at the car. The driver's door opened as we neared it, and Jasper stepped out. He opened the door to the backseat and looked at Edward with an unfathomable expression.

"I guess you weren't kidding," he said quietly with some unknown emotion in his voice.

"Told you," Edward replied as he tried to figure out how to put me in the car. I rolled my eyes at his predicament.

"Put me down, Edward. I think I can manage to get into the car on my own," I said, my voice still quiet and small even though I tried to keep it light. He frowned as he put me down reluctantly. I climbed into the car, and Edward's frown deepened as I winced in pain when my leg accidently brushed against the door a little too roughly.

"You okay?" he asked, and I forced a smile through the flash pain.

"I'm fine," I replied automatically and settled in the seat. I expected Edward to take the passenger seat, but instead he climbed into the backseat with me as Jasper took the seat behind the wheel. Jasper gave him an odd look in the rearview mirror, but didn't say anything.

Edward turned in his seat so he was facing me straight on as Jasper pulled out from the curb. I met Edward's gaze and smiled weakly, but he wasn't smiling back. "Are you okay? What happened? Did she touch you?" he asked and grabbed my arms. He studied my bare arms until he was sure that I wasn't injured. He let go of my wrists and grabbed my hands instead. I looked down at them, and my forced smile faded. It wasn't worth faking it. He knew I wasn't fine.

It wasn't supposed to end like this…

"Bella, you alright?" Jasper asked from the front seat. Edward turned his head and glared at him, as if he had asked me something offensive.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I replied, but my voice cracked on the last word.

"Don't pull that shit on me. I clearly see you're not fucking fine!" Edward snapped.

"HEY!" Jasper protested loudly.

"It's okay, Jasper," I sighed quietly. "It's what he does..."

He gave us a weird look in the mirror again, but didn't say anything else. Edward rested his arm on the back of the seat and kept his eyes trained on me. He was waiting me out.

"Why didn't you answer my texts? I tried to call you, but the call went straight to voicemail… what was that about? I was scared shitless!" he complained when I had been quiet for too long. I saw Jasper's eyes widened at this, and I wondered what I was missing.

"Mom got back this morning… she threw it at the wall," I mumbled.

"Fuck, I knew something was up when you didn't reply. I should have come earlier. I should have done something… fuck," he said quietly. "I'm so, so sorry."

Jasper braked suddenly, making us jolt forward. I felt Edward's hand tense in mine, and his entire demeanor changed. His face lost all its color, and he was still as a statue. I met Jasper's eyes in the mirror, and I couldn't read his look at all. Jasper was like a closed book to me.

"Sorry," Jasper muttered apologetically. I smiled weakly and nodded, showing him that it was okay, but when I looked back at Edward, I knew it wasn't. I raised my hand and stroked his cheek.

"Edward? You okay?" I whispered so Jasper wouldn't hear. I bit my lip as I watched Edward squeeze his eyes shut. I knew he hated cars… and I just made it worse. Way to go, Bella. "Jasper, please stop the car," I said, trying to keep my voice steady, and he nodded.

When the car stopped and the engine cut off, Jasper turned around in his seat to look at us. I still had my hand on Edward's cheek. Neither of us said anything. Jasper and I waited him out. We would not benefit from pushing him at this point.

After a moment Edward finally opened his eyes, and he instantly locked gazes with me. I smiled sadly at him, and he smiled back sadly.

"You okay now?" I asked him softly.

"Does it matter? I'm not the one who almost got kil-" he said, but I cut him off by putting a finger to his lips. I narrowed my eyes at him and gave him a pointed look. I saw a flash of realization in his eyes, and he sighed. "Sorry."

"Yeah, I know." I nodded.

"Are you okay?"

"I am now."

"Good."

He turned to look at Jasper. "I'm taking her home, but I need you to distract the others so I can get her up to my room without someone noticing."

"Hold on a minute! Can someone please tell me what the hell is going on? Are we running from someone? Are you hiding her? Isn't this like… kidnapping or something?" Jasper sputtered as he had apparently hit his boiling point.

Edward rolled his eyes. "It's not fucking kidnapping if she comes willingly, you idiot."

"Well… is she? Coming willingly, I mean," Jasper asked and they both turned their heads to me. Edward quirked an eyebrow at me.

"Yeah, I guess I am. I don't have much of a choice here," I replied honestly.

"You always have a choice," Jasper replied and turned back to the wheel. "But I'll let the two of you figure that one out." He shook his head as he turned the key. "I think you guys have a lot of shit to figure out…" he added under his breath.

Edward stiffened as the car started moving again, but I tried to give him a reassuring smile, showing him that he had nothing to be afraid of.

"You sure you're okay?" Edward whispered quietly. I shook my head a little and he sighed. "What happened?"

"I'll tell you when we're alone," I replied quietly. He nodded once and squeezed my hand.

We stopped a mile away from Edward's house, and Jasper cut the engine again.

"So what do you need me to do?" he asked, without turning in his seat.

"I need you to distract them. They're probably wondering why the hell I ran off like I did and where I went, so they're going to play twenty questions with me when I get in," Edward replied.

"Maybe I should take her to my house," Jasper suggested, but Edward barely let him finish his sentence before he responded.

"No, she's coming with me."

"Okay, so how the hell do you suggest we do this then?" Jasper sighed.

Edward looked at me and smiled sadly.

"You don't need to save me, Edward," I said quietly, suddenly feeling overwhelmed with guilt for ever dragging him into this mess. This was my battle, not his. He shouldn't be involved. "Maybe you should just… drive me home." I didn't want to go home; I'd rather have them leave me in the woods somewhere. Maybe, if I was lucky, a wolf would come by and put me out of my misery. As long as it kept Edward safe, I was fine with it. He shouldn't get in trouble because of me. He had already gotten in enough trouble because of me, and I had messed his life up enough. I didn't need to add more to the ever-growing list of things I had done wrong.

"No." His response was firm and left no room for argument. He and Jasper began talking about strategies, but I just tuned them out. This was all too ridiculous. It felt like they were going to do something illegal, when in reality they were just trying to keep me safe.

They finally settled on a plan – Jasper was going to take me to Edward's room while Edward distracted his family. They figured that would be most effective, since there was no reason for them to be distracted by Jasper. And apparently Jasper also possessed "serious ninja skills."

Whatever the hell that meant.

We drove the rest of the way toward Edward's house, and Jasper parked the car before we had even reached the house. That way the car was hidden by the trees. Nobody would be able to see it from the house. He climbed out of the car, opening my door to help me out, and I smiled at him in gratitude.

Edward walked around the car and stepped up to me, taking my hands in his.

"I'll be right there, alright? You hungry or anything? I can get some food," he said.

"Nah, I'm alright, thanks," I said with a timid smile.

"Okay," he said, nodding. We looked at each other for a minute, and he sighed as he somewhat reluctantly took a step back, letting go of my hands. "I'll fix this, I fucking promise you."

He jogged away to the house, and I followed him with my gaze. When he was out of sight, I turned back to Jasper, who was looking at me with that unreadable expression again. He held out his arms and smiled softly.

"Mind if I carry you?" he asked. "It will probably be less noisy."

"Yeah, that's fine," I sighed. "Just watch the leg."

He picked me up like Edward had done and carried me soundlessly to the house. He didn't stop to ponder how to get into the house; he just stepped right up to the door that led to the garage. He managed to open it without any problem, even with me in his arms. We stepped inside, and my eyes froze on the shiny Volvo that stood there.

I hadn't seen it since the accident. It looked flawless.

"He wants nothing to do with that car," Jasper said almost inaudibly.

"I thought he loved that car," I replied quietly.

"Yeah. He did."

He opened another door at the end of the garage, and we stepped into a small hallway that led us to a few steps. I could hear the muffled sounds of voices. I looked at Jasper in panic, but he didn't look even remotely disturbed by it. He just gave me a reassuring smile and kept walking.

Soon the voices became clearer, and I was convinced that we were going to walk right into the room where they were. Jasper opened another door, and I assumed we now had stepped into the foyer of the house. The stairway to the next floor was right in front of us, but to get there we needed to walk past an open entryway that led to the room where the voices were coming from. I swallowed thickly, and Jasper quickened his steps.

"… SO FUCKING WHAT?" Edward yelled.

"I've tried to be understanding with you and give you time, but it clearly isn't working. What do we have to do to get through to you? We have had enough of your behavior. You need to change, and you need to change now." I recognized that woman's voice. It was his mother.

"We've had enough with your disrespect. It's time to make a change, son," Dr. Cullen replied with a serious tone. "We can't you have you running around town in the middle of the night anymore. We need to know where you're at."

I never got the chance to hear Edward's reply because Jasper was quick up the stairs, and soon we were finding ourselves on the third floor of the house. He walked to the last door in the hall and pushed it open. He kicked it closed with his foot before stepping over to a black leather couch that was standing by the window, and put me down.

Jasper sat down beside me and turned his body so he was facing me. He rested his arm on the back of the couch and kept his eyes trained on me as he studied me. I quickly grew uncomfortable under the scrutiny of his gaze. He smirked lazily when I shifted in my seat and soon he chuckled quietly.

"Sorry," he said lightly. "I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. I was just trying to figure out why you're here, but I'm coming up short."

"I had no one else to turn too. I only have Edward," I said, feeling a weird need to apologize for it.

"Yeah, and that's the part I can't figure out. Since when do you have Edward?" he asked, sounding mystified and curious.

"Since we realized we were both alone," I mumbled to myself. I gnawed on my lip and glanced at the door. I was just waiting for the crazy lady to come barreling through with that knife in her hand, telling me it was "time." Or maybe I was just waiting for an excuse to not talk to Jasper. I didn't know what he knew, and I didn't want to accidentally slip and tell him something that Edward didn't want him to know.

We heard footsteps, and I tensed immediately. Jasper stood up from the couch and stepped in front of me, so whoever walked through the door wouldn't spot me immediately.

The footsteps stopped by the door. Ever so slowly the knob turned and the door creaked open. I peeked from behind Jasper and saw Edward walk in. He gave Jasper an irritated look before closing the door and locking it behind him.

"Never thought of locking the damn thing, huh?" he snapped at Jasper, and his eyes were absolutely livid. Edward walked over to the couch, every step dripping with fury, and I wondered what had him so upset. Did he regret taking me here? Did he get in trouble and realize it wasn't worth it? That I wasn't worth it?

He sat down on the couch, leaning forward to rest his elbow on his leg, and pinched the bridge of his nose with his hand. He grabbed my hand with his free one and squeezed it tightly. He took a few calculated breaths and squeezed his eyes shut. He almost appeared to be in pain.

"You okay, Edward?" I asked quietly. He snorted and shook his head, but not in response to my question.

"I should be asking you that, Sparr- Swan," he muttered. "Just give me a fucking minute…"

I nodded, even though he didn't see, and let him be for a moment.

"You were talking about Bella earlier, weren't you?" Jasper asked suddenly.

I looked at him confused, and I heard Edward sigh.

"Isn't that fucking obvious by now?" he asked. I gaped at Edward and pulled my hand from his quickly, making him look up. He dropped his hand from his face and looked at me with surprisingly pained eyes.

"You promised me," I mumbled.

"I didn't fucking tell him anything!" Edward snapped quickly, when he realized what I was thinking.

"Then why did he just say you talked about me?" I asked.

Edward looked completely distraught, and I felt betrayed. I knew I shouldn't have trusted him. What was I even doing here? Why didn't I just wait for my mom? She could have ended my misery tonight.

"Edward was on the verge of a total breakdown. He was basically pacing a hole in the floor, while muttering about someone not answering texts and calls going straight to voice mail," Jasper explained. I kept my eyes on Edward, trying to decipher if I could catch the lie in his eyes, even though Jasper was the one talking. "I asked him who he was talking about, but he said he promised not to tell."

I tilted my head to the side and gazed at him.

"You told him that?" I asked.

Edward nodded. "I tried to warn you. Emily came up to Leah and me at school today… shit is going down in La Push. I got worried when you didn't answer my text or calls. I knew I should have come earlier, but I was an idiot and didn't." He grabbed my hand again, and this time I didn't pull it away. "So for fuck sake, tell me, are you okay?"

"I am now."

"No, you're fucking not," he growled. "I can see in your fucking eyes that you are still terrified. You're tense as a damn guitar string and everything about you screams defeat. So don't fucking tell me that you're alright!"

"Then why do you keep asking me?"

"Because I want to hear it from you."

"Okay, then. I am not alright. Not even close."

"Thank you," he sighed. "Fuck, was that so hard?"

"Yes."

We stared at each other for a moment, totally oblivious to the looks that Jasper was giving us. It wasn't until he cleared his throat that we even acknowledged his presence again.

"What the fuck is going on?" he asked. Edward chuckled humorlessly and rubbed the top of my hand with his thumb.

"Don't ask that question, it will only give you nightmares," Edward replied with a small smile, as he looked at me. I couldn't help but smile back. It felt like we were sharing some inside joke, even though whatever we shared was anything but a joke.

"Has it given you nightmares?" I asked.

"You have no idea," Edward replied.

I turned my head to Jasper, giving him pleading look. "Don't tell anyone about tonight. Please…"

"I wouldn't even know where to begin," Jasper said and looked at Edward. "I thought you hated her?"

I couldn't help but chuckle despite it all, and Edward did too. "Yeah, I do," he replied with a soft smirk and shrug. Jasper dragged his hands through his hair in a frustrated manner, and I bit my lip to keep from smiling. If Jasper, Edward's closest friend, couldn't understand how on earth Edward and I suddenly had become friends, what were the odds that the rest of the world would?

"Thanks for helping out tonight, Jazz. I really fucking appreciate it. But I really need to talk to Sparro- Swan," Edward said, giving Jasper a serious look. "And I don't think she's comfortable having you here."

"So, basically, you're kicking me out?" Jasper asked and Edward nodded.

"Yeah, pretty much."

Jasper snorted but didn't appear to be too offended by it. "I'm really looking forward to an explanation though," he said as he started towards the door.

"Yeah, and you'll fucking get it, but not right now," Edward replied. "Now, please, get the fuck out." Edward stood up from the couch and followed Jasper to the door, so he could close it and lock it after him. He then came back to sit with me on the couch.

His entire demeanor changed, and the strong façade he had put up when Jasper had been with us was now gone. He looked just as scared as I felt, and I once again felt guilty for putting him through all this crap.

"Tell me," he said quietly. "Don't leave any fucking details out. What the fuck happened and why the hell are you wearing a fucking wedding dress?"

I snorted quietly, feeling inappropriately amused by the fact that I wasn't the only one noticing the wedding-like quality to the dress.

"Sparrow, tell me," he said again, and I sighed deeply before I began my story.

I told him everything I remembered; only leaving out the parts where I had wished I would have fought more when Mom was "cleaning" me. Hoping she would have drowned me. I had a feeling that particular detail wouldn't have gone over well with him. The rest of the story was enough for him to get angry about; I didn't need to put that particular one on him too. I didn't need him to be angry with me. I was still afraid that I would soon tell him something that pushed him over the edge, and he would realize he wasn't built for this. That he simply couldn't help me, and that it was all too much for him.

I sighed deeply as I reached the end of my story, telling him how I had woken up in my room and found myself in that stupid white dress. I told him about the burning pain, and even though the pain meds had made it manageable, I still felt that dull ache radiate through my body.

"Was Jacob there?" he asked.

"I don't know," I replied honestly. "I only have a few, vague memories of Mom…"

"But… he could have been, right? I mean, since she wasn't there when I got there, maybe they left together?"

"I suppose so… where are you going with this?" I asked, confused.

He groaned and dragged his hands through his hair. "Fuck, is it possible that they… I mean he… God, I can't even fucking say the words… Fuck, I'm just gonna go out and say it… Is it fucking possible that Jacob fucking Black was there and… fucked you?" He sounded so frustrated, and his voice almost cracked on the last couple of words. His hands were fisted in his hair and there was nothing I wanted more at that moment than to shake my head no and tell him he didn't. That there was no chance of that happening, that there had been no way that Jacob had done that to me. It was all about being pure. They wouldn't. He wouldn't. I hadn't even considered it being a possibility until he asked me.

The dull ache in my body brought me back to reality, and I realized I couldn't shake my head and tell him no, because the truth was… I wasn't sure. How could I ever be sure? There was no way for me to know. Maybe they had changed their stupid rules?

"I wish I could say he didn't… but how could I be sure? I must have been out for hours after that last lucid moment. I want to doubt that Jacob would ever do that to me… and they're all about me being pure, and if tonight was supposed to be our wedding or union or whatever, then why would he do that to me before the ceremony? It would go against everything they believe in," I mumbled, as if I was trying to convince myself. Edward pulled me into a sudden hug, resting his chin on top of my head as he hugged my head to his chest.

"You're fucking right. I'm sorry I even asked," he mumbled. "I was just… you have any idea how many scenarios have gone through my head today? Emmett told me you weren't in school, and since you didn't answer my text, I had no way of knowing if you were even alive. I imagined you being gutted like a fucking fish and feasted on… I imagined you being cut… I imagined you being gang-raped by those mutts and…" He took a shuddering breath. "I imagined you dead." There was a raw sadness in his voice that I simply didn't understand. Not even now.

"I considered fighting her in the bathroom… I considered fighting her until she drowned me," I finally confessed and I wasn't surprised when I felt Edward stiffen.

"But you didn't…" he said after a moment of silence.

"I promised you I wouldn't… I promised I wouldn't give up… and fighting her at that moment would have been like giving up." My body shook in a sudden sob that I wasn't prepared for, and Edward hugged me even closer.

"It's fucking okay. Cry, Sparrow. Get that fucking shit out of your system. Don't let that crazy bitch linger. Get that shit out. It's fucking okay."

I wanted to smile at his choice of words; it was such an Edward thing to say. But I couldn't smile. My mouth wasn't cooperating. Instead my mind and body agreed that the only thing they could do was to follow his advice and let that shit out.

"It's okay, Sparrow, you're fucking safe now…" he mumbled, and I felt him press his lips against my hair. "Nobody is going to hurt you here."

I'm safe.

My body shook violently as a wave of sobs rushed out of me, and I cried like I had never cried before. I cried because I was alive. I cried because I was scared. I cried for me. I cried for Edward. I cried for my mother. I cried because I had been alone too long. I cried because I was angry. I cried because I was relieved. I cried because I managed to survive. I cried because I was safe.

The last thought lingered in my mind, and I felt a weird wetness against my face on Edward's shirt. I pulled back slowly, and Edward eased his grip on me. I looked at his shirt and saw that it was wet. I softly touched my cheek and realized it was wet too.

I was crying.

Really crying.

With real tears.

Edward smiled softly as he cupped my face, wiping the tears away with his thumbs.

"You feel better?" he asked.

"I cried," I said in awe.

"Yeah, I noticed," he chuckled.

"I never cry… not with tears..."

"There's a first time for everything," he replied with a simple shrug.

I took a shuddering breath and felt myself relax. I was safe.

"Do you want to take a shower and get cleaned up or something?" Edward asked. "I'm sure I can grab something from my mom's closet that you can wear."

I looked down on my clothes, and I wanted to puke on that stupid dress. Better yet, I wanted to cut it into pieces and burn it. Then I noticed my cast, and once again felt that stab of pain in my chest because of the ruined pictures.

Edward followed my gaze, and I swear that he growled.

"She fucking ruined it," he snarled. "I don't fucking care if that bitch is your mother, but I want to fucking kill her."

"Because she ruined your owl?" I asked with a sad, humorless smile.

"No, because the way you look because she ruined our owl." I looked at him confused, and I wondered what the hell he meant. He was still staring at my cast, gritting his teeth.

Maybe my mind wasn't cooperating because I had been slipping in and out of consciousness all day, but I really didn't understand Edward. The only thing weirder than the things he said was the way in which he said them. So now he wanted to kill my mother because of the way I looked when I looked at Edward's drawing that she had ruined? He didn't want to kill her because she basically drugged me and did God knows what to me while I was asleep. He wanted to kill her because she ruined a drawing.

I didn't understand Edward at all.

"You were worried about me today," I said quietly, instead of voicing everything else that was going through my mind.

"Of course I was," he said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, and looked at me as if I had gone insane.

I smiled at his reaction. "It's been a while since I had someone worrying about me."

"And that's the most fucked up thing of all in this mess."

"I suppose it is," I replied with a sigh.

He got up from the couch and ruffled through his drawers for a moment, before pulling out a long-sleeved shirt and a pair of sweatpants.

"You can borrow these for tonight…nothing fancy, but I'm sure it's more fucking comfortable than that damn dress… and see? Long-sleeves," he said, grabbing one of the sleeves of the shirt to show me. I stood up from the couch and reached automatically for my crutches, when I realized they weren't there. I frowned and wondered where they were, when I remembered we hadn't even brought them. We had left the house so quickly, with me in Edward's arms that we hadn't even thought about the crutches.

"I can go pick something from my mother's now, if that's more comfortable, I just thought that… you know… fucking simplicity and all that crap. I rather not have another run-in with my parents tonight," he said, misinterpreting my silence.

"No, no, that's fine," I protested. "I just remembered we forgot my crutches." He blinked in surprise, and I shrugged. "No big deal, I'm sure I can get around without them by now… I'm a pro, after all."

I tried to put some pressure on my bad leg, as I attempted to take a step forward. I lost my balance when a sudden shot of pain burst through my leg, and Edward quickly grabbed a hold on me, to keep me from falling.

"Yeah, you're a pro alright. A pro at getting hurt," he muttered. "I'll help you to the bathroom."

I didn't protest, and let him lead me in. He put the clothes on the counter before looking at me awkwardly. "Do you need help getting dressed…?" I swear he blushed, and if it had been under any other circumstances, I would have laughed.

"No, it's fine," I replied. He nodded, seeming relieved, before leaving the bathroom and closing the door behind him. I undressed and threw the disgusting dress on the floor, before pulling on the shirt and pants. Even though the clothes were clean, they still held a scent that could not be described as anything but pure Edward.

Musky, manly and… delicious?

I shook the ridiculous thought from my head as I awkwardly tried to take a step to the door. The pain in my leg told me that I wasn't going anywhere. I sighed deeply and looked up at the ceiling, as if praying to God.

"Edward?" I asked, not raising my voice.

"You decent?" he asked, his voice coming directly from outside the door.

"Yeah."

He opened the door and froze for a split second when he first saw me. He quickly shook his head as he stepped up beside me to help me out. I'm sure he thought he was being sneaky about it, but I noticed that he kept throwing weird glances down at me and my body.

What was with him today?

"You can sleep in my bed. I'll sleep on the couch," he said as he led me to the bed.

"What? I can't take your bed!" I protested.

He gave me a look and snorted. "Yeah, good luck sleeping comfortably on that damn thing with that damn thing on your leg," he said, nodding towards my cast.

"And what about you? Aren't you supposed to be comfortable?" I asked, quirking an eyebrow.

"Trust me, Sparrow, knowing that you're fucking safe in my bed is more comfort than you'll ever know. I don't need to fucking worry about a goddamn thing tonight. We don't need to worry about people hearing us or whatever. We're safe here."

"What about your parents?" I asked, and sat down on the edge of the bed.

"They never, and I repeat never, come into my room without permission. It's an unspoken rule. They respect Emmett's and my privacy. They knock, yes, but they never enter. So you don't have a fucking thing to worry about. Besides, the door is locked… You're safe."

"You keep saying that, but I'm not sure I believe it yet," I said and he sat down beside me.

"That you're safe?" He smirked and leaned forward, his face so close that I could feel his breath on my face. Musky… manly…. "You're fucking safe. We'll get your crazy-ass mother locked up. And you can finally live your fucking life and get everything you deserve."

"Yeah, and what exactly do I deserve?" I asked, honestly curious because I didn't think I deserved anything. Edward's smirk faded, and I guess he had caught on to my doubt.

"Fucking everything. Whatever you want, you deserve it. So tell me, Sparrow, if you could choose anything in this fucked up world to have, what would that be?"

I smiled sadly at him, already knowing what I wanted. There was only one thing. There had always just been one thing. I always thought I would get it someday, but then Mom decided to cut me, turning my view of the world upside down and making me doubt everything I had ever known. And of course, effectively removing my will to even breathe anymore.

There was only thing.

"I just want to be loved."