Disclaimer: I don't own these characters, I just play with them. This story is rated M, and is not suitable for younger readers. Story contains violence, coarse language and sexual "situations". Please do not read if any of these things offends you.

Note: [Beta'ed by: adt216]

Chapter 37 – "Need"

Isabella Swan POV

It had been a couple of days since I talked to Edward, and it still hurt to think about it. Talking to Edward turned out to be harder than I thought it would be; we were on the phone for almost two hours. I thought this would be the last time we talked, at least for a while. That maybe it would be a good thing for him if we didn't see or talk to each other until I came back to Forks. I felt so bad for all the crap I had put him through, and he didn't need more of it. Everything I touched turned to crap. He deserved better. I know that must sound idiotic, considering how he had acted in the past. But that wasn't who he was. Not really. That was not the Edward that I had come to know, and like, in the past few weeks.

I spent much of my time just sitting by the window in my room, overlooking the street below. I watched the people passing on the street, wondering if anyone of them had a crazy mother too. If any one of them was suicidal. And if they had a friend who kept calling and leaving heartbreaking messages.

Then, one day as I sat there by the window, I spotted a very familiar head of brown hair that had a bronze-colored quality to it when the sun hit it. I smiled sadly to myself as I saw him walk with Jasper. They stopped outside the building across the street, and I noticed that Edward's hand was wrapped up in gauze. What happened to him? Why was he hurt? He had turned his head, making it possible for me to see his face, and it broke my heart again. Even from this distance, I could see that he wasn't doing very well. His face didn't hide his pain.

I had tried to ignore him for as long as I could, but I guess four or five days were my hard limit. Or maybe seeing Edward so hurt and broken was my hard limit? Since he kept calling and texting me, I knew I had to get back to him eventually, and maybe his broken demeanor was what finally made up my mind. The messages that he had left on my voice mail were heartbreaking, and I knew I was hurting him by not calling him back. All I did was hurt him. So I chose the chicken thing to do.

I texted him.

I sent him a text, telling him I was okay and hoping it would be enough for him to leave me alone and give me the extra time that I needed to think. I knew it was selfish of me to behave like that, especially since he appeared to be in so much pain too. All he seemed to want was to know that I was okay, so I figured maybe a text would be enough for him. Maybe it would be just enough to appease his obsessing. Maybe it would remove some of the pain for him. By telling him I was fine, he would know that he hadn't failed. Maybe it would be enough to make him let go.

I was wrong, of course.

No time passed between me sending him the text and him calling me. I didn't want to answer the phone, but it was as if I could feel him through the ringing. I couldn't refuse him. I had to take the call.

So I did.

As soon as I heard his voice, I knew all was lost. I may have thought I could take a break from him, like he didn't matter to me, but the truth was he did matter to me. He mattered more to me than anyone ever had. No matter what I did from this point forward, I knew he would always be a part of me. He had helped me so much; he had been there for me when nobody else was. Even back when he didn't even like me, he was there.

He helped me survive, so how could I just cut him out after all that?

I didn't care that he deserved better. I needed him just as much as he said he needed me. He couldn't explain why he needed me, probably because he didn't know why. But I knew why I needed him, and that was enough.

When I was with Edward, it was as if I was sitting in a safe, little bubble. I enjoyed our bubble. I did feel safe there, even though it could burst if anyone else came too close, and people who looked at us from the outside probably thought we were weird. People looking in probably wondered what on earth we could ever have in common. I'm sure both Jasper and Dr. Cullen had been scratching their heads a lot after they found out about us.

Although, just because I knew I needed Edward, that didn't mean I didn't need some time alone. So much had happened in such a short amount of time, and I needed to process it all. I also had a feeling that I wouldn't be able to do that properly with him around. Edward may have been my constant, but he also confused me. The last thing I needed right now was to be confused. I needed to have control over all aspects of my life if I intended to survive, and Edward was not something (or someone) I could control.

Besides, I had a feeling he had a few things to sort out himself before he could be there for me again. If a few days of radio silence on my part were enough to drive him up the wall to the degree that he basically called me a hundred times in the span of a few days, then he probably had some stuff to deal with as well. All his calls seemed a little too obsessive to me, and I had a hard time believing that it was all about me. Something was going on with Edward, and he was probably projecting that into obsessing about my safety. I didn't think he was even aware that he was doing it.

Edward had issues that weren't related to me. I didn't know if they occurred before or after the accident, but that didn't matter either. He had them, and he had to work through them. Maybe I could be there for him as he had been for me. I had to pay him back somehow for saving my life.

Not that my life was worth that much. But still…

I had been talking a lot with Kate too. I had told her a little about Edward, but not much. She had told me the day before that she had found a foster family for me, and it was only a matter of papers being signed and final approval of the family before I could move in with them. I hadn't even met them, but apparently, that mattered little considering the circumstances.

I was going back to Forks whether I liked it or not.

It had been two days since I had talked to Edward. I didn't know if he had called me, anymore after that, because I had turned off my phone. I still needed time, and ignoring him was the only way I was going to get it. He knew that too.

I didn't wake up until noon, and I reluctantly left my bed, making my way towards the door. I could hear Kate's voice, and when I opened the door, I could also make out what she was saying. I glanced out and saw that she was pacing in the living room, talking on the phone.

"I don't care what he says," she said with an annoyed tone. "She doesn't want to see him, and I'm pretty sure she's not ready for it at this point anyway. I'll tell her about it, I promise." She paused, and I saw her body tense. "I said I'll tell her! She doesn't want to see her father, and I doubt she would want this news from him! Their relationship is strained as it is."

My eyes went wide. "What news?" I blurted without thinking.

Kate whirled around, noticing me standing in the doorway. Shock was clear on her face.

"She just woke up," she muttered into the phone. "I'll call you back later." She hung up the phone and put the cordless receiver down on the nearest side table. She sighed and looked at me. "How long have you been standing there?" she asked.

"A moment or two," I replied warily. "I heard you say something about me not being ready… but what news? What are you gonna tell me?"

"You better sit down for this," she said, and there was something in her voice that told me that she was absolutely serious. I sat down on the nearest chair. She sat down on the couch, leaning forward towards me and resting her arms on her legs.

"Now, I don't want you to worry. We got this covered. You are safe here and you've got nothing to worry about, okay?" I nodded slowly, chills of horror creeping up my spine at her words. "I got a call this morning from one of my superiors. She told me that your mother has… well, disappeared," she explained. My body froze, and I stared at her in absolute shock.

"What the hell do you mean disappeared? How? From where?" I asked bewildered.

"Your parents were both interviewed by the authorities after I took you away. It didn't take long until it was made clear that your mom wasn't stable. We had her recent stay at the mental institution on record, and it was decided that she was to be taken back there for further evaluation."

"But she was there willingly," I argued. "She went there the first time by her own free will."

"Yes, but that's beside the point at this time. What matters is that she thought that she needed help when she admitted herself four months ago, and maybe it went downhill for her from there. I don't know."

"But… what about now? You said she disappeared?"

"Yes, she was taken to Seattle. Your dad joined her and spent a few days there as well… I'm sure they had a lot to talk about. He didn't come back to Forks until yesterday, and it was last night that your mother escaped from the institution. Nobody knows where she has gone, but they think she had help since she was being kept in a locked ward."

I was utterly speechless, and I leaned back in the chair. I accidently knocked over my crutches, which I had leaning against the chair, and they fell to the floor with a clank.

I didn't even notice.

"The police are looking for her, and it doesn't look all that good for her. Escaping an institution like that does not help her case. So in a way, you're safe now, this will help you," Kate explained, breaking the silence.

I gave her a doubtful look and snorted. "Are you kidding?" I blurted. "I'm not safe, especially not if she has suddenly disappeared. Who knows where she's going? What if she comes here and kidnaps me? It's not like I can fight her off, especially not if she has someone on her side helping her out!" I reached for my crutches on the floor, grabbing them with shaky hands and standing up just as shakily.

"Bella, calm down!" Kate ordered. "I promise you, nothing will happen to you. There are people looking for her, and you always have people looking out for you. You'll be fine! She can't touch you."

"Yeah? Then why is it I don't feel even remotely safe?" I replied in frustration as I left for my bedroom.

"They'll find her," Kate said, without leaving her seat.

"I know my mother," I muttered. "They won't find her unless she wants to be found."

x x x x x

There was a soft knock on the door and I pulled the covers tighter around me, pulling it completely over my head. I had no idea what time it was, but that didn't matter either. Time held no importance when your crazy mother was on the loose, itching for your blood.

"Bella?" Kate said my name as I heard her opening the door. "You have company."

I stiffened, and I could almost feel how my blood turned into ice in my veins. This was it. My mom had found me. I was going home, and she was going to kill me. I would fail Edward by not being able to stop her from stopping my heart from beating. My mom had already found me, because the crazy lady simply didn't waste any time. I was going to die.

"Wh-who?" I whispered from under the covers, preparing myself to hear her say the last name I ever wanted to hear again. The name of the person I hated most in the world. The name of the person I used to love the most in the world.

"He says his name is Edward," she replied softly.

I didn't relax at this; I stiffened impossibly more.

Used to love…

"I don't want to see him. Tell him I'm sleeping. Tell him to go away. Tell him… anything. I don't want to see him," I whispered.

I could almost feel her frown. "If that's what you want," she replied quietly.

She closed the door and walked away, her steps muffled by the thick carpet in the hallway. I tried to relax, but it was impossible. It was as if my body could feel Edward being close by, my body itched to throw the covers off of me so I could get to him. But I didn't, instead I curled into a ball under the covers, glad that my leg didn't hurt as much anymore when I moved around, making it possible for me to lie in the fetal position.

"FUCK THAT!" I jumped in surprise at the sudden – and very Edward – voice. There were quick, angry steps nearing my room. I didn't need to look as the door flew open, slamming into the wall, to see who it was. I knew who it was. Edward. Who else would behave so irrationally?

His angry steps didn't stop until he was right next to my bed. He breathed loudly and I felt his hand grip the covers, slowly tugging them down, uncovering my face. I didn't even try to stop him.

I looked up at him, his gaze pained and his eyes bloodshot.

"Fuck you, Sparrow!" he spat as he looked down on me. "Fuck you a million times over. What the fuck?" He looked me dead in the eyes. I noticed now his eyes were not only bloodshot, but also kind of glazed over. They were so pained that it physically hurt me to even look at him. I tried to tug at the covers, so I could go back into hiding. But he wasn't letting me.

"What are you doing here?" I whispered.

He sat down on the edge of my bed and gestured for me to scoot closer to the wall, so I did. He lay down beside me on his side, propping his head up on his arm and leaning his head on his hand. I noticed he had several cuts and bruises; the small cuts weren't just on his hand though, they trailed down on his arm too. He flinched a little when his other hand came up to stroke a few hair strands from my face. It was still wrapped up in gauze, which had been discolored by a few bloodstains.

"What happened to you?" I asked in concern, meeting his gaze again. He shook his head, closing his eyes. I raised my hands, stroking his cheek gently with my finger. "I told you I needed time, Edward. I told you I wasn't ready."

He opened his eyes again, looking at me with a weird expression and a soft, sad smirk gracing his lips.

"You've had a week, Sparrow. You've had enough time," he replied quietly. He scooted closer and carefully put both his arms around me, pulling me to him. We lay so close together that I would have felt the warmth radiate from his body if it weren't for the blanket that was pressed in between us. I felt oddly safe not having his body directly touching mine. I was thankful for the barrier.

I closed my eyes as I felt his fingers rub circles into my back.

"A week is not enough," I whispered.

"A week is what you got. You're not getting anymore. Deal with it," he replied quietly, an odd emptiness lacing his tone. I opened my eyes, just to find his closed. His hand had stopped rubbing circles into my back and his breathing wasn't as labored as it was before. It took me a moment before I realized he had fallen asleep.

That was quick.

"Bella?" I turned my head a little, trying to look over Edward's body towards the door. I saw Jasper standing there with an uncomfortable look on his face and his hands in his pockets. I gave him a confused look, and he chuckled quietly. "I drove him here," he explained, answering my unasked question.

I looked back at Edward. His face was relaxed and he seemed to be at peace now. It was weird.

I tried to shift a little where I was laying, so I could sit up, but Edward's arms constricted around me, holding me closer to him. Jasper noticed this, and he tilted his head to the side as he gazed at his friend.

"What happened to his hands and arms? All these cuts and bruises?" I asked him.

Jasper looked down at his hands just as Kate stepped up behind him.

"Did you call him?" Kate asked, Jasper nodded.

"He's on his way," Jasper replied. "He said he was leaving the hospital right away."

"Good," Kate replied, looking at me. "You okay, sweetie?" she asked.

"What is going on?" I asked, now feeling frustrated. Jasper stepped inside the room, and I followed him with my eyes.

"Let's wait till Carlisle gets her," he replied.

"What? Dr. Cullen is coming here too?" I asked in confusion.

"Just be with Edward, okay? He needs you right now," Jasper said quietly, before leaving the room and closing the door behind him. I sighed and looked at Edward. He was frowning now, though he still appeared to be sleeping. I tried to smooth out the wrinkle between his eyebrows with my finger, but he refused to give in. He sighed in his sleep, and his grip on me tightened.

He needs me.

Edward Cullen needs me.

That was an odd concept.

I leaned in, pressing my lips to the wrinkle between his eyebrows. This made him relax and his grip on me loosened, and his face smoothed out.

"I need you too, Edward Cullen," I whispered to him. "I'm not going anywhere without you."

x x x x x

It didn't take long for me to fall asleep too. When I awoke, I was laying with my head on Edward's chest. His arm was around me, and my arm was laying lazily across his torso. I took a deep breath, and all my senses were bombarded with the wonderful, musky scent of Edward. I let my finger trail down his chest, and I looked up to see if he noticed. I didn't think he did. His eyes were still closed, his breathing even. He was still asleep.

There was a soft clearing of a throat by the door, and when I looked up, I saw Dr. Cullen standing there. He smiled softly at me, and I turned my gaze away, looking back at Edward instead.

"My son is looking more relaxed than I have seen him in a long time," Dr. Cullen noted as he slowly stepped over to us.

"What happened to his arms and hands? What are all these cuts and bruises?" I asked quietly, touching the cuts on his arms gently.

"He tried to drive here."

My eyes went wide and I sat up. "He got into an accident?" I asked in shock.

Dr. Cullen shook his head and smiled softly. "He never got out of the garage," he replied with a sigh. "Jasper was the one who found him."

"But what happened?"

"Jasper told me he found Edward curled up on the floor, all bloodied up. He had been hitting his car so badly he even managed to crack one of the windows."

"Wh-why would he do that?" I asked, trying to erase the mental image his description gave me.

"Because he wanted to see you," he replied. "But he can't drive anymore. I wish my son would let me help him, but he has closed himself off completely. He doesn't trust anyone."

"Can you blame him?" I asked him dryly. "You guys turned your backs on him after the accident. You blamed him for it. As if he was the one who put the black ice on the road, or as if he meant to hit it. Of course he doesn't trust anyone, because for the past few weeks nobody has given him a reason to."

"I never blamed my son for the accident. But I didn't agree-"

"… with the way he handled things," I ended the sentence for him. "Yeah, I got it. But that doesn't excuse the way you have been treating him. You never let him breathe and sort through everything. Instead you all just pressured him about doing the right thing that he never got the chance to figure out what the right thing was for him."

"It was for his own good that we pressured him, Bella," he replied with a sigh, shaking his head. "I asked Jasper what Edward had said when he found him curled up beside his car, and according to him, Edward didn't even remember how he got there. Which is why I have been trying to get through to my son. I don't know if he has told you, but Edward might suffer from a disor-"

"The only thing I suffer from is your bullshit." Edward's voice cut him off. I turned my head, meeting Edward's gaze. I smiled softly at him, but he didn't smile back.

"Edward, maybe I should take you home," Dr. Cullen said quietly. "Bella has been through enough she-"

"I'm not going any-fucking-where," Edward growled, sitting up in the bed. Dr. Cullen sighed again and ran his hand through his short, blond hair.

"Edward," he said with a warning tone, but Edward wasn't having it.

"I'm not going anywhere," he repeated. "I'm staying right here."

Dr. Cullen looked at me, and I looked at Edward.

"I don't mind," I replied honestly. "I don't mind if he stays…"

"Jasper is still here. I'm sure he can give you a ride home later then," Dr. Cullen said to him. He put his hands in his pocket and pulled out a small container with pills. "Take them if it gets to be too much," he said with a stern voice, looking at Edward. Edward rolled his eyes, and Dr. Cullen shook his head. It was as if they were having a silent conversation. "Call me if something happens. Call me if nothing happens. Just call me so I know you're alright."

"Whatever," Edward muttered, as Dr. Cullen gave him one last warning look before saying goodbye and leaving the room. I turned my head and looked at Edward.

"You tried to drive here," I said. It wasn't a question. I was just stating a fact.

"I got something for you," he said, ignoring my comment completely. I frowned in confusion, and he smirked lazily. "Close your eyes." He almost sounded proud when he said it, so I did as I was told. I soon felt something being dropped in my hand. When I opened my eyes, I found myself looking at a beautiful silver necklace with a small crystal bird that glittered in the light. It looked very expensive.

"Edward… I… I can't take this. It's too much," I protested, trying to hand it back to him.

Edward snorted and made me curl my hand around the necklace, not letting me give it back.

"I got it from a damn gumball machine. It cost me like fifty cents," he replied.

"Really? But it looks so expensive," I argued.

He looked me dead in the eyes, and his smirk grew.

"You really think I would buy you… what? A two hundred dollar necklace just for kicks?"

"I guess not," I replied, feeling embarrassed. "But it's nice… thank you."

At that moment, there was a knock on the door, Edward quickly grabbed the necklace from my hand and put it back in his pocket. I frowned in confusion as the door opened, and Jasper peeked in.

"Can I come in or do I have to spend another hour having a stilted conversation with the social worker? I mean, she's nice and all, but she's making me think maybe I'm the one needing help," he joked.

I rolled my eyes and gestured for him to come inside. Edward and I shifted on the bed, so we sat with our backs against the wall. Jasper sat down on the chair by my desk. Edward took my hand and held it between us. I rubbed soothing circles on the back of his hand, and he smiled as he looked back at me.

"So, I've been patient. I wouldn't mind getting an explanation," Jasper said nonchalantly, making us turn our heads to him simultaneously.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"An explanation for… this," he replied, gestured to us holding hands. "What are you guys? Are you like a thing now? Like boyfriend and girlfriend crap?"

I felt Edward's hand stiffen in mine, and I felt myself blush scarlet.

"No…no… no, no, no… Of course not," I protested quickly, not wanting Edward to be the one to do it. I didn't want to hear the disgust in his voice as he denied the accusations. "We're just… friends. And seriously, Jasper? A couple? Are you crazy?" I chuckled nervously. "Please, we're only friends. Nothing more. Just friends. Never more. Just friends. Don't be crazy. We're just friends. Friends."

It felt as if my face was on fire, and I quickly looked down at my lap.

"Yeah," Edward mumbled after a moment of silence. "Just friends."

I looked up, feeling confused at his tone. There was something there that he wasn't saying.

"Yeah, alright," Jasper said, probably sensing the weird tension too. "So, Ed, how long are we staying?" he asked. The corner of Edward's mouth lifted into a sad smile, as he looked at me. I could tell what he was thinking without needing to ask. I smiled sadly at him.

"Edward is staying here tonight. I think we need to… talk," I replied in his place. "I'm sure Kate and I can drive him back to Forks tomorrow."

"Well, okay. That's sounds fine to me," Jasper replied. "So, Bella… how have you been doing? I'm not gonna lie, but the school is buzzing with gossip about you and your mom," he said, effectively changing the subject with a sheepish shrug.

"Those motherfuckers don't know when to shut the hell up," Edward muttered. "Their own fucking lives are so terribly fucking pathetic that they need to fucking make shit up about other fucking people's shit just to have fucking something to fucking feel better about. Fuck."

I gaped at him and shook my head.

"Seriously, Edward. Cut down on the f-word, would you? Half of those weren't even necessary," I said. Jasper choked on a laugh and Edward glared at him.

"Fuck you, fucker," Edward spat.

"He's just mad because I told him almost the exact same thing when we were here in Port Angeles a few days ago. Apparently, I'm not the only one noticing his lack of verbal skills. 'When in doubt, throw in a fuck,' that's his motto," Jasper chuckled.

"Fuck you," Edward muttered.

"My point exactly," Jasper replied, gesturing to Edward with a smile. I laughed softly and gave Edward a gentle nudge.

"C'mon, Eddieboy, don't be mad," I teased and he turned his head to look at me.

"You ignored me for five days and then ignored me for another two. So yes, excuse me, but I'll be mad at you for a little while longer," he replied. My smile faded at the seriousness of his voice. There were a million things I wanted to tell him in response to that. But nothing came out. Instead, I decided to take the coward's way out by not taking his words seriously.

"You said all that without the f-word. You're improving," I joked. He gave me a look, and I tried to force a smile at him, pretending I didn't notice anything weird about him.

"Will you be coming back to Forks?" Jasper asked, getting my attention. I looked at him and nodded.

"Kate has been in contact with a foster family for me, and if all goes well, I'll be moving there in a few days," I replied. "I'm not really looking forward to it, obviously. School is going to be hell."

"I won't let those bitches touch you," Edward said, lifting his hand that was wrapped in gauze and stroked my hair behind my ear. I smiled softly at him, silently wondering how he was going to react when he found out that my mom was gone. He couldn't protect me from everyone all the time. He had to live his life too.

"How long have you guys been friends?" Jasper asked.

Edward and I looked at each other at the same time, and I couldn't help but smile. Even though we had never really talked about it, we both knew what time had sealed the deal and made us friends, even though it took us a while before we admitted it out loud. We had become friends long before we were even aware that we were.

"He brought a pen," I replied, smiling at the memory.

"And what does that mean? Is it code for… you know? He brought a 'pen' to your 'pen case'?" Jasper asked, making quotation marks in the air with his fingers, looking obviously confused.

"We haven't fucked," Edward snapped.

I felt myself blush again. "We wouldn't… do that," I agreed quietly. "It's not like we're… never mind." I shook my head, as if it would help with how stupid I felt. Why were we even having this conversation?

"I was walking around in the middle of the night, and I found a pen on the street right outside the hospital. I took it as a damn sign that I was supposed to go in there," Edward said, sounding annoyed.

"Right after the accident?" Jasper asked.

I shook my head again. "No, it was when I was admitted after I passed out when Tanya pushed me in the hallway." I cringed a little at the memory; it was almost as I could feel the pain again. It really had been excruciating.

"Why have you been keeping it a secret?" Jasper asked then.

"Because it was easier that way," Edward replied with a shrug. "We knew that people were going to get the wrong idea. They were probably going to think I was using her or some shit and she was going to get in trouble with her parents and… it wasn't fucking worth it." He looked down at our hands, and the crooked smile graced his lips again. "Besides, it has been fucking nice this way. Not needing to explain ourselves to anyone. Just enjoying each other's company."

I squeezed his hand to get his attention, and he looked up.

"Are we really enjoying each other's company though?" I asked. "All we do is be emo and feel sorry for ourselves. How is that enjoying each other's company?"

"Misery loves company," Jasper mumbled, and when he noticed us looking at him, he chuckled. "Or so I've heard."

"I beg to disagree though," Edward said to me. "I remember us having quite fun the morning after we kidnapped you…" He gave me a pointed look and I felt myself blush again. Jasper quirked an eyebrow at us and shook his head slowly.

"I don't think I even want you to elaborate on that," he said with a chuckle. His cell phone chirped, and Jasper sighed as he pulled it out of his pocket. He pushed a few buttons and sighed again. "Okay, that's my cue to leave," he said. "Alice has her house to herself tonight so we're…" He looked up from the phone and smiled sheepishly at us. "Let's just say I'm planning to bring her a pen."

"That's disgusting," Edward complained.

"This coming from the dude who gets BJ's in a closet that holds shit that would make him sterile," Jasper replied with a smirk and got up from the chair. "Call me or text me if you want to be picked up tomorrow." Edward nodded, and Jasper turned to me. "Glad to see you're okay, Bella. Take care of my man here. Alright?"

"I will," I replied with a smile. "Thank you, Jasper."

"Anytime," he replied before leaving the room.

Edward and I looked at the closed bedroom door for a moment, before turning to look at each other at the same time. Edward smiled as he picked up the necklace from his pocket. I turned around so he could put it on me. The small bird felt cold against the top of my chest.

"Thank you," I said quietly, and he smiled.

"Thank you for still breathing," he replied.

"My mom is gone. She escaped from the institution," I blurted. I bit down on my tongue as if that would help taking the words back. He gaped at me and dragged his hand through his hair.

"Of fucking course, she did. When?" he asked.

"Last night, according to Kate," I replied quietly. "She was locked in a closed ward, so they think she had help breaking out."

He sighed deeply and shook his head. "We just can't catch a break," he muttered.

"We?" I echoed. He gave me an incredulous look and snorted.

"Of course we," he replied. "We're in this shit together. Remember?"

I smiled and leaned my head against his shoulder. I felt his lips press against my hair, and I sighed in contentment.

"I missed you," he admitted quietly. "These past few days have been killing me." He shifted a little, so I had to sit up straight. I looked at him and found him gazing at me intently. "Do you really need more time?"

"I will always need more time," I replied with a soft shrug.

"I can't give you more time, because I fucking need you, Sparrow," he said, almost sounding reluctant. He wanted to give me time, but he couldn't. And even though I knew I needed time, I wasn't so sure I wanted it anymore. Being with Edward was better than being alone. Even though he left me confused. Although, confused was better than lonely.

"Yeah, I know," I whispered. I turned my face to him, and suddenly his was very close.

"I really missed you," he whispered back.

"I've missed you too." I did't know if he even heard the words, or if I merely mouthed them.

He raised his hand and stroked my cheek, and I smiled sadly at him.

"I'll keep you safe now," he murmured. "Don't worry… I'll keep you safe."

"But who'll keep you safe from all the dangers in the world?" I mumbled.

"You, of course," he replied with a crooked smile. "You said you had my back, so I'm counting on you to kick people's asses if they ever give me shit."

I chuckled and rolled my eyes at him.

"Yeah, I'll clonk them with my crutch," I replied with a smile.

"You've done it before," he replied, leaning his face close to mine. "And I've never been prouder of you… except for now."

"Why now?" I asked.

"Because your mom is on the loose, and you're still fucking breathing. You're still sitting here. Breathing. And you have yet to tell me to leave," he replied.

"I told you to leave when you got here," I argued with a sad smile.

"No, you told Kate to tell me, so that doesn't count. Because I know that if you had been the one answering the door when I got here, then you wouldn't have told me to leave. It's easy to say something when you don't have the person right in front of your face."

"You're basically telling me I'm a chicken, you know that right?"

"You're not a chicken. A chicken would have killed herself a long time ago. You're my sparrow."

There was a knock on the door, and I quickly moved away from Edward. I felt as if we had almost been caught doing something naughty. The door opened, and Kate peeked in.

"I hear you're staying here tonight," Kate said, looking at Edward.

"Yeah, he is," I replied in his place. "I hope it's okay."

"If that's what you want, then yes, it's okay. But I don't want any funny business, okay? Edward is sleeping on the couch," Kate said, giving him a pointed look, before closing the door and leaving.

I chuckled to myself and shook my head.

"This is what we get for going public," I mumbled. "People immediately get the wrong idea."

"Who the fuck cares what they think?" Edward replied. "If they want to think that we're screwing like bunnies or that we are a fucking couple. Who gives a shit? Let 'em. People will always talk, so let them fucking talk. It doesn't matter what they think."

"What about your reputation?" I couldn't help but ask.

"What about my reputation?" he echoed. "What's the big deal if people think I'm fucking you? It's not like I'm fucking a mountain goat for crying out loud."

"Just a goose," I replied dryly.

He narrowed his eyes at me, and I looked away. Of course, he wasn't having any of that. He grabbed my chin roughly and turned my head to his.

"You're not the fucking goose anymore. And if anyone ever calls you that I will bash his fucking head in. You hear me?" he snarled, his breath washing over my face. His lips looked wet and soft up close. I couldn't help but be slightly mesmerized by them, remembering how they had touched mine just a week earlier.

"Wh-wh-why did you kiss me?" I stammered without thinking. He blinked in surprise, and I felt myself blush again. Why did I always have to blurt stuff before thinking it over?

He didn't answer me at first; he just looked at me with an unfathomable expression on his face. Maybe he had just wiped the kiss from his memory altogether, and now I was reminding him about it, causing him pain. It probably meant nothing to him. Why would it mean something? I was his friend. People didn't kiss friends. Not like that.

"Because I…," he began, but trailed off. He frowned, and his grip on my chin tightened. "Because maybe I just wanted to fuck a mountain goat."

I sighed and grabbed his wrist, pulling his hand from my chin so I could look away. Of course, he was going to make a joke out of it. How could I expect anything less? He was Edward. Of course, the kiss meant nothing to him. He probably just got scared, and thought that maybe a kiss could help him.

"Are you hungry?" I asked him, scooting away on the bed so I could reach for my crutches. "I'm starving."

"I could eat," he mumbled as I climbed off the bed.

I didn't even look at him as I left for the kitchen.

x x x x x

The rest of the afternoon and evening was weird to say the least. Edward and I were together at all times. We cooked together, ate together and watched TV together. But we never said a word. Not since we had left the bedroom. Something I had said or done must have upset him, because he kept that frown on his face, and every time I looked at him he appeared to be in pain.

I waited for him to break the silence, just as he probably was waiting for me, but I didn't know what to say. I still felt awkward for asking him about the kiss.

A kiss that meant nothing.

I always got hung up on the little things. That was my biggest problem. Reading too much into things where there was nothing to read into. It was as if I wanted to make a fool out of myself. As if I wanted to be a joke.

Because that was exactly what I was.

A joke.

Kate went to bed at ten after giving Edward some bed sheets and a pillow. She said goodnight, and I was left alone with Edward in the living room. We had spent the past two and half hours watching a movie, but I had no idea what it was about.

"I'm going to bed now too," I mumbled, getting up from the couch. "Good night."

He mumbled something in response, but I couldn't make out what it was. I stopped by the bathroom, washed my face and brushed my teeth, before going to my room. I changed into my loose fitting pajamas and got into bed.

As soon as my head touched the pillow, the tears came. They welled up in my eyes so quickly that they blurred my sight completely. I tried to muffle the sound of my sobs by putting a pillow over my face, but every so often there was a sob I just couldn't muffle. I tried to relax and just let it run its course, but that only seemed to make it worse. My body ached. My mind ached. Everything ached. And there was nothing I could do but cry.

There was a tugging at the corner of the pillow that I held on my face, and soon it was removed altogether. I looked up through my tears, just to find Edward looking down at me. I hadn't heard him come in.

He smiled sadly at me as he gestured for me to scoot over, so he could lay down next to me again. He propped his head up on his hand just like last time, so he could look at me as I laid there on my back. I turned my head away from him, because I didn't want him to see me cry, but he just grabbed my chin again. He looked deeply into my eyes, searching for something. Something sparkled in his, and I wondered if he had found whatever it was he was looking for in mine.

"I kissed you because I wanted to kiss a mountain goat," he murmured, stroking my cheek with a finger. I looked at him confused, wondering what he meant, before he leaned down and pressed his lips to mine.