Disclaimer: I don't own these characters, I just play with them. This story is rated M, and is not suitable for younger readers. Story contains violence, coarse language and sexual "situations". Please do not read if any of these things offends you.

Note: [Beta'ed by: adt216]

Chapter 39 - "Regret"

Isabella Swan POV

My entire body was shaking, or maybe it was just my insides? It felt like I was convulsing and laying still all at the same time. What just happened?

Edward kissed me.

Again.

But this wasn't been something that I could pass off as a friend kissing another friend. This had been a real make out session. He had even touched my… my…

I couldn't even finish the sentence in my head. My face was practically on fire as I hid it in my hands. Tears were silently falling down my cheeks, and I hiccupped on a sob.

I need time. I need time. I need time.

Edward wasn't giving me time. He was pushing me toward unfamiliar territory. I was afraid. No – I was terrified. He made it very clear tonight that if I hadn't stopped him he would have done more than just touched my breast.

I was surprised that it took me so long to react. He had his hand on my chest for crying out loud, but I didn't react until he stuck his tongue down my throat. The look of hurt in his eyes had been indescribable. When I had told him not to touch me, that I didn't want it, it was as if I had ripped his heart out. He got upset – of course he did. He was a teenage boy; he needed his release. I could understand that, but what I couldn't understand was why he looked so… hurt.

I was scared. I was confused. And then I panicked.

Mom's voice started ringing in my head, reminding me of the importance of being pure. How nobody would ever want me if I wasn't pure. How he would never want me if I wasn't pure. I needed to be pure. I needed to remain a virgin until after I was married. Sex wasn't for pleasure. At least not for the girl. The pleasure was supposed to be left for the man, so he would get a release and get the girl pregnant. It was absolutely irrelevant if the woman enjoyed it or not. As long as the man got what he needed, that was all that mattered.

I should have let Edward continue his ministrations with my body – as long as he let my virginity remain intact. If he could get a release without actually having intercourse with me, then maybe I would have done something right.

A small part of me had hoped that he had been kissing me, touching me, because he wanted me. That my mom had been wrong, that it wasn't just Jacob who wanted me. Maybe someone else did too. But when he had said that he'd had sex with many girls just for fun without anything happening to him, I realized that I had been wrong. He was just in it to get off. He was pressuring a girl who had been taught that sex was bad, because he was so eager to get his own pleasure that he didn't care about how I felt about it.

I had told him that if he was with me just because I was the closest, available girl, then maybe he shouldn't be there. I was no different to him than any other random girl, I told him that too. Another flash of hurt had crossed his face then. He insisted that I was different, and not only because he ran me over. The accident had nothing to do with why I was different to him. So he said, anyway.

Somehow, I had found myself kissing him again. Somehow, he had found the words to make it all okay.

Then he found the words that took it all back.

I like you.

It was clear in the way he said it the second time that he wasn't talking about just liking me. He liked me.

And I could not process that.

I couldn't process that at all because he sounded so… honest. There was a raw intensity in his voice that couldn't be interpreted any other way. I trusted Edward. I trusted him with my life. So why was it so hard for me to trust what he was saying now? Why couldn't I trust him when he said that I was different and that he liked me? Why did I doubt him?

I couldn't take him seriously, even though a part of me said that I should.

What was I most afraid of? Him lying about the fact that he liked me, or the chance that he actually did?

I told him good night, and he left without a word.

I cried myself to sleep that night. I couldn't even remember the last time I cried myself to sleep, or rather, the last time I cried myself to sleep because of a boy.

Maybe because that had never happened before.

When I woke up the next morning, I got dressed and left my room. I frowned as I passed the living room, finding the couch empty. I went to the kitchen, thinking Edward was there, but only finding Kate.

"Hey, where's Edward?" I asked. She looked up from the paper, seemingly confused.

"I don't know. I thought he had gone to sleep in your room when he wasn't on the couch when I got up," she replied.

"He's not in the bathroom?" I asked, as I felt my heart sink. Somehow, I already knew he wasn't in the bathroom.

She shook her head.

I sat down on a chair, leaning my crutches delete against the table. Kate put the paper away, giving me a soft smile.

"What happened, sweetie?" she asked.

"I don't know," I mumbled. "He said things… he… did things… and I just don't know."

Her face grew serious immediately, and I bit down on my lip, looking away from the intensity of her stare.

"What did he do?" she asked, her voice tense. "Did he force you to do something?"

"No, no… it wasn't like that… it was just… I don't know," I said quietly, shaking my head.

"Maybe it was for the best that he left then," she said, softer now, but still with a little bit of an edge to her voice.

"Maybe." I fumbled with my crutches and got back up. Not feeling hungry anymore, I decided to head back to my room.

"Bella?" I stopped by the door, turning my head to Kate. "Maybe you should start packing your bags."

"Why?"

"I talked to your new foster family an hour ago; they're ready for you tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" I echoed. "So soon?"

She nodded. "If you want, I'm sure it can also be arranged that you can return to school on Monday."

I forced a smile at her, waiting until I was back in my room before letting the tears from panic spill. I wasn't ready for this; I hadn't prepared myself. I knew it was going to happen soon, but not this soon. I wasn't ready yet!

Ready or not, back to Forks I go.

x x x x x

"… and you have your own bathroom right in here," she continued, opening a door to my left. I forced a smile and nodded as I wobbled my way there to check it out.

Kate had dropped me off at my new foster family's house – my new home – half an hour earlier, and I was now getting the grand tour from my foster mom, while Kate updated my foster dad about the current situation with Mo-Renée.

The mere thought of that woman gave me goose bumps, and it felt wrong to call her Mom even in my head now. She wasn't my mom. Not anymore.

"You have everything you need?"

I turned to Mrs. Weber and nodded.

"Yeah, I do, thanks," I replied quietly, before wobbling to the bed.

"I do want to remind you that you are not allowed upstairs," she said and I nodded again. She had already pointed that out to me several times. I was not allowed on the second floor since there was where the family had their rooms, and that area was off limits to the foster kids. I didn't mind though. I was just grateful that I wouldn't need to climb any stairs.

"I will go talk to Ms. Peters, so feel free to take a look around and get yourself settled in," Mrs. Weber said, before leaving the room.

I looked around the room and quickly decided that I could have done a lot worse. The walls were light blue; the room had a hardwood floor with a small, fluffy carpet that was just a few shades darker than the walls. I had a nice queen sized bed, a desk, a bookshelf, a closet and a bathroom. It was a little crowded, but it was nice.

I wobbled over to the window, looking out. My window was facing the house next door, and my eyes widened as I spotted a familiar face in their backyard. It was as if he could sense my eyes on him, because he looked up and met my gaze head on. I thought for a moment that he was going to flip me off and turn his back to me. I bet he thought I deserved it. I wouldn't have been surprised if he did.

I didn't live up to my promise, after all.

However, he didn't flip me off; he didn't turn his back. Instead he raised his hand in a small wave, gesturing for me to come outside - and for some reason I did.

I turned around, making my way out the room and through the living room toward the patio. I slid the door open, stepping outside and sliding the door closed behind me. I awkwardly made my way from the patio to the fence where he was waiting. My crutches sank in the cold, wet grass.

"Hey, Bella, what are you doing here?" he asked, giving me a small smile but also sounding confused. His breath made puffy clouds in the cold air.

"I kinda… live here now, I guess," I replied with an awkward shrug, biting down on my lip. "Have… have you talked to Edward?"

Jasper sighed, before nodding softly. "I did," he replied slowly. "He told me about what happened when he stayed over."

My cheeks flushed instantly, and I had to look away. Of course, he would tell Jasper. He probably told him all about how lame I was for not putting out and how I didn't cater to his every need. I felt like such a loser. I never really cared about boys, or what they thought of me. But for some reason the thought of Edward making fun of my chastity ways made me embarrassed and sad. I didn't want to be that person. I wanted to be so much more for him, but what exactly was that? Did I want to be someone he could do that stuff with? Did I want to be everything for him? His… toy?

"I should… I should have let him… maybe he would have stayed if I did," I mumbled, looking at my feet.

"What?" Jasper blurted, sounding bewildered. I looked up confused, meeting his aggravated expression.

"What?" I asked in return.

"Bella, what Edward did was wrong, and you should not have let him continue. Hell, even he knows what he did was wrong, and he feels like an ass for doing it."

"Oh," I mumbled, looking down again. Of course Edward thought what he did was wrong. He was probably highly disgusted with himself right now. I was his friend. Nothing more. Friends didn't do that. Of course, he regretted it and felt bad about it. He had been desperate; he hadn't been in his right mind. He had a blackout; he was injured. He had been so confused. He probably didn't know what he was doing – or with whom. He said he liked me, but it was probably just words. He didn't mean them because he didn't realize to whom he was saying them. Jasper obviously thought that the idea of Edward doing anything of the sort with me was bad as well.

I felt so bad for Edward.

"Hey," Jasper said suddenly, just as I felt a tear drop from my chin. I hadn't even noticed I had started crying. "What's wrong?"

"Edward."

"What about him?" he asked, now sounding cautious.

I took a deep breath, closing my eyes. "He said he liked me," I admitted with an even voice. "I trust him with my life, but I can't trust him with those words. Not if he thinks what he did was bad. If he regrets it."

"Bella," Jasper said with a pained voice, "he said he liked you?"

I nodded without opening my eyes.

"Before or after?" he asked, his voice tense.

"After."

He sighed deeply. "Stupid idiot, fuck him backwards with a rusty chainsaw," he muttered under his breath. I looked at him, not able to keep the hurt off my face. I thought Jasper was different, but apparently he was just like all the others. I was the Goose to him too.

"I… I should go back inside," I mumbled, turning around.

"Bella, wait!" Jasper protested, and I reluctantly turned my head to look at him.

"What?"

"What did you tell him?" he asked.

"I asked him if that was the usual line he used to get girls to unbutton their pants for him. I told him that he should leave, and then I told him good night," I replied quietly.

The corner of his mouth lifted into a sad smile, and he nodded.

I didn't even want to know what that smile meant.

x x x x x

Angela glanced at me for the fifth time in just as many minutes. Her dad, Reverend Weber, was driving us to school. Angela and I had never been enemies, but we had never been friends either. She never joined in when people called me names, because she was never mean to anyone, but she never defended me either. Just because she never called people any names didn't mean she liked everyone. I could tell by the way that she kept glancing at me that she was worried about how this new arrangement would hurt her reputation at school. If somehow she fall lower on the social ladder by association.

She was an only child, and I never known that her parents were certified to take care of disabled kids, or that they were foster parents at all. I guessed that wasn't so weird, since there never had been a reason for me to know about that. It was also weird to think of myself as disabled, but that was what I was now. I had come to accept it. It was no big deal.

Reverend Weber dropped us off outside the school, telling us to have a good day. He let his eyes linger on me for a moment before telling that I had nothing to worry about. I forced a smile at him before climbing out of the car. It was easy for him to say that; he wasn't the one with a pack of crazy people running after him, itching for his blood.

I got out of the car, seeing how Angela was half-way up the steps already. She was not going to wait around for me. I didn't blame her.

People were looking at me and whispering, more than usual. I guess the secret was out. Well, at least the part about me being removed from my home and how I was now living with the Webers instead of my own family.

Something else I noticed was that nobody ever addressed me personally. They just whispered and talked amongst themselves, giving me the occasional glance as I passed them. No one called out Goose. Or Turkey. Or even Ugly Duckling.

They were leaving me alone.

That's… different.

I made it to my locker before someone addressed me by my name.

My name, and not some birdy insult.

"Bella!" I turned around to see Alice walking toward me. She wasn't overly excited to see me, like all those other times. This time she seemed a little more reserved. I smiled timidly at her before turning to my locker. "You're back."

"Yeah, I guess I am," I replied with an awkward shrug. I grabbed the things needed for my first class, before pushing the locker door closed with my crutch. Alice was holding her own books to her chest, and she didn't even blink as she grabbed my bag from me so I wouldn't need to carry it. I didn't object because I knew she wouldn't listen.

"Let's get to class," she said. "I'll let you copy my notes from what you've missed."

When we passed Tanya by her locker, I quickly looked down. I felt her eyes on me all the way to the classroom.

I couldn't concentrate in class at all. Instead, my thoughts kept going back to Edward. I hadn't seen him yet, so I wondered if he was back in school or not. Maybe they didn't let him in after all. Maybe getting expelled from another school for hurting another student was a deal breaker for them.

Alice asked me to eat lunch with them, and I couldn't find it in me to decline. I may not have liked her very much, because of the way she had behaved toward Edward during these past few weeks, but I also knew all about survival. I couldn't risk being alone. Who knew who was lurking in the shadows when I wasn't looking? Maybe Renée was here somewhere, just waiting to grab me.

Chills ran down my spine at the thought, and it was terrifying that I could actually think of my own mother like that. To actually believe she was capable of doing something as ludicrous as kidnapping her own daughter from school. The reality was that I didn't know my mother anymore. I didn't know Renée. She had clearly gone insane for some reason, and I had no idea what I could expect from her. If she was insane enough to escape from a locked ward in an insane asylum, then who knew what else she was capable of? We already knew she was itching for my pure blood.

I sat down across from Emmett at their table in the cafeteria. This way I had my back turned to the rest of the room. I could look out the window instead of all the people. I didn't feel like watching them watch me. It was enough that I felt their eyes on me. Alice sat down next to me, and Rosalie was already seated next to Emmett. Jasper had yet to join us.

"So, where is my cowboy?" Alice asked, looking at Emmett.

"He's talking to Edward," Rosalie replied, her voice tired. As I looked closer at her, I noticed that she had circles under her eyes, which her makeup hadn't been able to cover up completely.

"Edward's… here?" I asked, fingering my necklace nervously. Nobody answered me, and they all frowned as they looked down at their trays.

"What are they talking about?" Alice asked, instead of changing the subject.

"I'm sure the Jazzspazz is just helping him find his mountain goat," Emmett chuckled to himself, trying to lighten the mood. My eyes widened at his choice of words, but he didn't notice.

"What did you just say?" I asked.

"Mountain goat," Emmett replied. "He's all about the goats. I think my brother likes animals."

"What are you talking about?" Alice sighed. "You're not making any sense."

"Well, I was watching a nature show on TV the other day. It was fucking awesome, showing all kinds of animals going at it. You wouldn't believe the sounds they were making! It was hilarious! And a boar even-"

"Emmett! She didn't ask about the boar or the sounds they were making," Rosalie cut him off.

"Sorry," he replied sheepishly. "Anyway, there were mountain goats too. And he made some comment about the day he wants to kiss a mountain goat is the day he'll become a one woman man."

Rosalie snorted, shaking her head. "The day Edward becomes a one woman man is the day I'll fuck a mountain goat."

"Oh, baby, would you really break up with me for a mountain goat?" Emmett asked, throwing his meaty arm around her shoulders and hugging her to him. She huffed in annoyance, but it was clear in her eyes that she enjoyed his display of affection. She turned her head to meet his gaze, and she smiled at him.

"No, you big dork," she replied.

"Good." He leaned down and pressed his lips to hers and I looked away quickly, feeling uncomfortable.

I kept playing with the sparrow on my necklace as I poked at my salad with my plastic fork. I noticed, from the corner of my eye, how Alice was looking at my necklace.

"I love that necklace!" she exclaimed loudly.

I quirked an eyebrow and snorted quietly to myself. Alice liked a gumball machine necklace? Yeah, right.

"Isn't that the same one we saw?" Rosalie asked, forgetting all about Emmett now.

"Yeah, it is," Alice said with a sigh, before looking at me. "Did you buy it yourself?"

"No, I got it from… erm… a friend," I mumbled.

"Some friend," Rosalie noted, leaning back in her seat. "I wish I had friends who gave me two hundred dollar necklaces. Hell, I wish I had a boyfriend who gave me two hundred dollar necklaces." She nudged Emmett, hoping he'd take the hint, but he didn't seem to notice at all.

"What are you talking about?" I asked, not able to contain my snort. "He got it from a gumball machine. He said it cost him fifty cents."

"Hah! Fifty cents my ass. That, my friend," Alice said, gesturing towards the sparrow, "is a two hundred dollar necklace from Jackson's Jewelry. And trust me, I would know, because both Rosalie and I were drooling all over it last week."

I looked down at the sparrow, trying to keep the shock from my face.

"So, yeah, you got yourself a very nice friend," Rosalie said. "Maybe I should expand my circle of friends too. What's his number?" she joked.

"He's just a friend," I mumbled, looking down at my food, and putting the sparrow underneath my shirt so they couldn't see it.

"Oh, girl, if a guy buys you jewelry… no matter if it's for fifty cents or two hundred dollars, he's not just a friend. Trust me," Rosalie said with a condescending tone. "I should know," she added, nodding discretely towards Emmett.

It took a moment for Emmett to realize that was a jab at him, so soon they were arguing whether or not he was a pansy or a pushover or something. I don't know, I tuned them out pretty quickly.

I ate my lunch, and Alice helped me with my tray when we were done. When she left for her next class, I was left to fend for myself again. With a sigh, I went back to my locker to grab my books for biology. I wobbled my way to the classroom, only getting bumped into by accident a couple of times, and I entered a second before the bell rang.

"Welcome back, Miss Swan," Mr. Melina said. "Please take a…" he trailed off and looked out over the classroom. I let my eyes follow his gaze, seeing that all the seats were already taken except for one. Mr. Melina cleared his throat and looked down at his papers. "I'm sure we can have someone change their seat."

"No, it's okay," I replied quietly. "I don't mind."

"Well, if you're sure," he replied with a nod.

I made it to the empty seat, glancing quickly at my partner before leaning my crutches against the table and sitting down. I felt his eyes on me, and when I turned my head, he didn't look away.

I met Edward's gaze, and we held it there, until Mr. Melina started speaking.

"Turn to page 271 in your textbooks. Today we're going to talk about species and animals that are on the verge of being extinct. We'll start with the birds," he said, turning towards the blackboard. A smile tugged at the corners of my mouth, and when I heard Edward make a snorting sound, I turned my head to him.

He was looking down at the book in front of him; his lips were also forming a small smile. He held out his hand between our chairs, and I took it without a second thought. His smile grew, but he still didn't look at me.

I turned my gaze toward the front.

We were going to be okay.

x x x x x

We didn't talk. We didn't even look at each other, but Edward kept holding my hand so tightly it was almost painful. As the class neared its end, I felt a weird sense of fear wash over me. I didn't understand it. What was I afraid of now?

Edward's hand left my grasp, and before I knew it, he was gone too. My heart ached at the sudden loss of his presence, and it took me a moment before I could find it in me to move.

I threw my bag over my shoulder and grabbed my crutches. The halls were roaming with students, they were talking, shouting and laughing, but it was as if I didn't hear any of it. Instead, I felt as if I was walking in a fog that only I could see.

Suddenly someone grabbed my arm and pulled me away.

I opened my mouth to scream, but the shriek was cut short when a hand was slapped over my mouth. I was disoriented by the quick movements that I jumped in surprise when I heard a door slam and found myself in complete darkness. I was standing still now, the hand still on my mouth as I was pressed up against a cold wall.

My breathing became labored, and I felt the bubble of panic pulsate in my gut. I wanted to throw up. This was it. I was going to die. Renée had found me.

"Calm down, Sparrow, it's just me…"

I heard the sound of a light switch, and I blinked at the sudden light. A few quick glances were all it took for me to realize that we were in the janitor's closet, and it was Edward's hand pressed against my mouth. I looked at him, and he removed his hand. I wanted to snap at him, or say something sarcastic, but the panic was still surging through my body, the bubble still pulsating. I couldn't find it in me to say anything. Instead, my eyes betrayed me by welling up with tears. I had honestly thought it was Renée who had grabbed me. I thought I was done for. It was impossible to go from being utterly terrified to feeling safe in two seconds flat without getting emotional or anxious.

I'm safe.

Edward put his hands on either side of my face, stroking away with his thumbs the tears that had welled.

"I didn't mean to scare you," he whispered softly. "And I'm so sorry I hurt you. I didn't mean to… do that."

"You wanted to kiss a mountain goat," I replied with a shaky voice, trying to pull myself together by making a joke. He smiled crookedly, shaking his head at himself.

"I know it doesn't make any fucking sense. I'm fucked up, I kno-"

"Emmett told me what you said."

He froze. I could see a flash of panic in his eyes, but it was gone as quickly as it came.

"What did he say exactly?" he asked cautiously.

I opened my mouth to tell him all about the mountain goat, but the words refused to get out. I couldn't utter them, and it took me a moment before I realized why that was. It was because I didn't understand them. Edward may have called me a mountain goat; Emmett may have explained it to me, but it still didn't make any sense. Did this mean Edward wanted to be a one woman man… for me?

I swallowed thickly, and I was sure than he could sense how tense I was.

"You didn't get me a necklace from a gumball machine," I said instead.

He sighed and shook his head.

"Who told you?" he asked with a tired sigh.

"Alice."

"Of course."

"Did she know you bought it for me?"

He shook his head again. "No, they weren't even in the store when I bought it. I waited until they had left."

Another tear slipped from my eye, and he gently stroked it away before letting his thumb grace over my lips. He looked down at my lips, and I swallowed thickly again. I wasn't sure if I liked that look in his eyes. He looked… hungry.

Before I knew it, his face was starting to come closer to mine.

"Jasper," I blurted right before his lips were going to touch mine. He froze. He literally froze. He didn't pull back or let me go. He just stood there – frozen – without moving a muscle. Not even blinking.

"You like Jasper," he said, almost too quiet for me to hear.

"What?" I asked, totally dumbfounded as to how he even came to that conclusion.

"You like Jasper… that's why you don't want me to fucking touch you or kiss you or any fucking thing. You fucking like Jasper!" His voice grew louder as he stepped away from me, letting his hands fall down to his sides where he clenched them into fists.

"What are you talking about?" I asked, completely lost. "I don't like Jasper!"

He dragged his hands through his hair and gripped it. It looked painful.

"If you don't mean what you say, Sparrow, shut the fuck up," he growled in warning.

That pissed me off. He was the one who always talked about trust, how we should trust each other and always have each other's backs, but now he was the one putting words in my mouth out of nowhere, and having the nerve to tell me I was lying.

"Where would you even get a stupid idea like that?" I asked, steadying myself on my crutches so I could stretch my back. "What on earth gave you the impression that I like him? And why would you care if I did? Why is it important?"

His nostrils flared in anger, but for once I wasn't afraid of his imminent outburst. He was losing it, that was for sure, and I was more concerned about his mental health at that moment than anything else.

"Of course it's fucking important!" he snapped, seething.

I let go of one of the crutches, letting it clatter to the ground, before reaching out and grabbing his wrist. The closet was so small I had no trouble reaching him. I pulled him to me, and he didn't fight me. I pulled him as close as he could get, before letting go of the other crutch and wrapping my arms around his waist, resting my head against his chest.

"You were gone," I whispered. "I woke up in the morning and you were gone."

"I know," he replied, kissing the top of my head.

"Why did you leave? Why didn't you stay so we could talk about what happened?"

"Because I felt like shit. I don't fucking deserve you or your forgiveness," he muttered.

"And yet you ask for both," I replied quietly.

"That's because I'm a selfish creature."

We were quiet for a moment, I could feel Edward's breath against my head and ever so often he would kiss my hair. The bell rang, but neither of us moved. We weren't going to class. We were learning something far more important right here.

He pressed his lips harder against my head, and I felt the little hairs in the back of my neck stand up from the intensity of it. I almost shivered at the feeling.

"It's like… once I've kissed you, I can't fucking stop," he murmured before pressing his lips a little closer to my hairline, tilting my head up a little with his hands. "Ever since I kissed you that time in my dad's office, it's like all I can think about is your damn lips." He pressed his lips against my forehead. "And fucking perfectly your bottom lip fits between mine." He kissed both my eyelids. One on each of my tear-streaked cheeks. "One fucking kiss and I crumbled. I'm addicted, Sparrow. I'm fucking addicted to you. You're like my own personal brand of heroin." He put my face in his hands, tilting my head up so I would meet his gaze. "So why don't you tell me why it's not important that you don't like Jasper." He smiled crookedly, almost looking sarcastic. He wasn't happy right now. He stroked his thumb over my lips and I shivered from the touch. "You're stronger than I am… smarter… braver." He sighed. "You're so fucking brave, Sparrow." He rested his forehead against mine and sighed deeply. "And you're so fucking beautiful without even knowing it. Everything about you is fucking beautiful. Your soul is beautiful. You are fucking beautiful."

He made a sound that almost sounded like a held back sob, and when I pulled my head back, I realized that he was indeed crying. Tears were filling his eyes and I felt a pain in my chest that couldn't be compared to anything I had ever felt before. I would choose being kicked around in the hallway by Tanya a million times over if it meant that I would never feel this pain again.

I held his face in my hands and stroked away his tears with my thumbs just like he had done mine.

"You are brave. You're trusting the Goose, for crying out loud. How is that not brave?" I whispered. "You are strong. You've just lost yourself a little." I paused, taking a deep breath before adding, "and you are beautiful, Edward. So beautiful."

"I fucking need you," he mumbled.

"No, you don't. You can survive just fine without me," I replied with a small smile.

"Survive," he snorted. "I don't want to just survive. I want to live. Don't you want that? These past few months, all you've done is survive… but you haven't lived."

"So you need me to live?" I asked.

He nodded.

"I'm sorry I went too far with you the other day… I didn't fucking mean it to happen… my body has a mind of its own, and it felt so fucking good just having you near. You have no idea what effect you have on me. It's like I'm your fucking puppet or something," he muttered, sounding annoyed, but whether it was aimed at me, or himself, I didn't know. Then I felt the blood rush to my face, making me blush like a mad woman, when I realized exactly what he just said. He had basically just admitted that he was attracted to me. I mean, if he didn't find me attractive, he wouldn't have had any problems stopping, right? But he did.

"I can't…" I began, squeezing my eyes shut so I didn't have to look at him when I said it. "I can't sleep with you… if… if they find out, I will be in trouble. I need to stay… clean and pure and… untouched." Did I really believe that though? Or was I just afraid of him being that close? What happened if I wasn't good enough for him? Would he leave?

"They will never lay their disgusting hands on you. I could fuck you right in front of them and make you scream my damn name, and they wouldn't be able to do shit about it." He sounded so sure of himself that it scared me. Confidence was one thing, but being overly confident about unpredictable people was another.

"You have no idea what these people are capable of. Who knows what their new plan is? Who knows if they even have a plan? Right now, I'm living in the dark. My mom is on the run, and I don't know if she's coming back for me or if she's just going to join some crazy cult somewhere. Maybe she'll come back, maybe she won't… but I can't take the risk of being impure and her finding out."

"So you're gonna live the rest of your life as a scared virgin?" he asked skeptically. "Or maybe I should say, you would be surviving as a scared virgin. You wouldn't be living."

"Why are we even having this conversation?" I asked, practically shaking in frustration. "You could sleep with anyone you want. You don't need me to get off!" I snapped, hating him for pressing the issue.

His face went blank as he stared at me, and I was too scared to even breathe.

Then, ever so slowly his lips twisted into that irresistible smirk he always used, and the look of hunger was back in his eyes. He leaned in, his mouth by my ear.

"I could sleep with anyone I want?" he asked, his voice low and husky. "Well, I want sleep with you. I might not need you to get off. I have my own two damn hands, thank you very much. But trust me when I say that you would it make so much better… and besides… I could get you off."

I blushed again, the thought of him pleasuring me never entering my mind until now.

He leaned back, just enough so he could look me in the eyes. His gaze was even more intense this close. I felt my body tremble, and I had to grip his shirt to keep from falling. He stroked my cheek with the back of his hand.

"We would be so fucking good together, Sparrow," he said, pressing my body against the wall so his was flush against mine. He took a step to the side so his one leg was between mine, and when he pressed himself up against me, I could feel him. Really feel him.

I swallowed thickly, and an unfamiliar feeling started to run through my body, making me dizzy and excited all at the same time. Suddenly his lips were looking very, very appealing.

"So good," he whispered huskily.

As if our minds were connected, we both zeroed in on each other's lips. Both thinking the same thing. He gently put a hand on the back of my head, pulling my face closer to his, pressing his lips firmly against mine.

This time I knew he wasn't kissing me as a friend.