Disclaimer:I don't own these characters, I just play with them. This story is rated M, and is not suitable for younger readers. Story contains violence, coarse language and sexual "situations". Please do not read if any of these things offends you.
Note: [Unbeta'ed! – all errors are mine ]
Chapter 44 – "Hypocrite"
Edward Cullen POV
Yes? Yes? A motherfucking yes?
Was she serious? I looked into her eyes, wondering what she was thinking. I had never wanted to be able to read her mind more than in that moment. None of her words or actions made any fucking sense to me. She was going back and forth so much that I had no idea where she was anymore. One moment she wanted me – the next she didn't. Was this her way of finally settling on one side? Was she seriously my girlfriend now? Did she even want this?
"You… what? Yes?" I echoed. "Are you serious?"
She nodded. "I'm… I'm serious," she replied, trying to smile but her nervousness shone through.
"No, you're not," I argued weakly, giving her a doubtful look. I was suddenly afraid. But I didn't understand why. What the hell was afraid of now?
"Yes I am," she argued back, the nervousness in her voice was now replaced by aggravation.
I frowned and held her hands between us.
"You do realize why I'm unconvinced right?" I asked and she nodded.
"Yes, and… and I don't know what to say. I just don't want to lose you," she said with a tired sigh.
"Lose me? Who says you're losing me? I told you already, this wasn't a fucking ultimatum. I just needed some time to sort shit out if this wasn't what you wanted too. I'm never gonna leave you either way, I would just have needed some time. No biggie," I explained in frustration.
She sighed and rolled her eyes before cupping my face with her hands, staring me intently in his eyes.
"Do you want me as your girlfriend or not?"
"Yes, you know I do."
"Then why can't you not accept the fact that I just said yes to you? Why can't you accept a good thing?"
I smiled weakly. "Because as far as you and I are concerned, nothing is ever a good thing. And if it is, it doesn't last."
"I suppose you're right. But… but this will last… right?"
She gave me an uneasy look and I wanted nothing more than to reassure her. I wanted to tell her everything would turn out alright and that we were forever. But I couldn't because I didn't want to lie.
"It will last as long as we want it to last?" I said slowly, somehow making it a question.
"You know what?" she asked, and I shook my head. "It doesn't matter. But… but maybe we should, you know, talk… talk about what this all means? So there won't be any future misunderstandings?"
"You're my girlfriend. I'm your… boyfriend…" I trailed off, my eyes widening slightly.
Jesus fucking Christ, I'm Isabella Swan's boyfriend.
She giggled a little at my expression, biting her lip in an adorable way.
"It just occurred to you that's what this means, huh," she said with a teasing tone.
"Yeah," I said, dragging the word out. "This is so weird… I've never been anyone's boyfriend before."
"But that's not because of lack of candidates for the girlfriend part," she said, still teasing. I rolled my eyes.
"Are we gonna settle this or what?"
"Yes."
"So… we might as well cover one of the big ones first," I said. "PDA. Yay or nay?"
She smiled softly and much to my surprise she shrugged, instead of dismissing the idea completely. She looked a little uncomfortable though.
"It's what couples do, right? I'm just… I don't know how that would work. It's not people's business to know what we are or what we aren't. So if you want to kiss me in public, or hold my hand or hug me… only do it because you want to do it for you… and not to prove some point to other people, alright? People will assume you're only with me because of the accident, and you will get crap for it. So please don't touch me or do things to me, just to prove a point to them. Okay?" It was as if she rambled everything in one breath. When she was done she took another deep breath before biting down on her lip, looking at me apprehensively.
"So, yay on the PDA?" I asked, ignoring what she said about the other people completely.
She sighed and nodded. "Yes, I guess." She gave me a look that clearly said everything that she didn't. She didn't want us to be overly close or intimate in public. And I respected that.
I couldn't help but reach out and stroke her cheek, slowly tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. My Sparrow was growing. She was opening up and trying to do things that were outside her comfort zone. I didn't know what brought this on, but I would have been lying if I said that I didn't appreciate it.
"Do I have to ask?" I smiled at her, raising an eyebrow. I only assumed she knew what I was talking about. She smiled softly, shaking her head.
"No, you don't have to ask."
"Good." I pulled her closer and pressed my lips to hers. She hummed and I smiled against her lips. I could seriously get used to this. I wouldn't have minded to be glued to her lips for the rest of my existence. Her lips were made for me – and me alone.
She opened her mouth a little, and I immediately took the opportunity to get a better hold on her bottom lip, sucking on it lightly. It elicited a soft moan from her and I smiled as I got a little braver, letting my tongue slip inside her mouth, briefly touching hers before I pulled back completely. I didn't want to push her.
I smirked as I looked into her half-opened eyes.
"Still think pleasure is a bad thing?" I couldn't help but ask.
"Don't ruin a good thing, Edward," she said, giving me a pointed look.
"I wouldn't dare," I said, leaning in to kiss her again.
She rolled her eyes and was just about to lean forward too when a sudden sound rang out. She froze instantly, her eyes suddenly wide with fear.
Damnit, her phone.
She picked up her phone, staring at the screen as a cop walked in. He looked at her, nodding at her to answer.
"Ask her questions," I told her. She frowned in confusion as she pressed the green button and answered the phone. She held the phone to her ear with a shaky hand, and I put my hand on her knee to comfort her.
"H-hello?" she stuttered. I could hear the low buzzing of someone talking on the other end, but I couldn't make out what was being said. 'Ask questions' I mouthed to Sparrow and she nodded. "Eh… Mom… so… when will I see you… again? I m-miss you. I miss J-jacob too. I c-can't wait to see you again." We both cringed at her words, and she squeezed her eyes shut. Just hearing her say it made my stomach lurch. "Uh-huh," she said, still with her eyes closed. "What about Dad? Will he be there?" She opened her eyes, frowning as she looked at me. "Yes, Dad," she said again. "Charlie? You know, the guy who fathered me?" Her eyebrows knitted together in confusion as her mother babbled on the other end. A shiver ran through her and a quiet sob escaped her as she squeezed her eyes shut even harder. It was as if it physically hurt her to hear whatever it was her mother was telling her on the other end.
I glanced at the cop who was looking out the door at his partner outside. Soon a small smile appeared on his lips and he turned to Sparrow, giving her a thumbs up. Sparrow relaxed instantly when she noticed and a tear slipped from her eyes.
"Well I don't care, you crazy bitch," she snapped suddenly. "You can live in your world of delusions all you want, but I want no part of it. Go to hell!" She hung up the phone and threw it on a small pile of folded clothes that lay on a chair.
I pulled her to me as the cop walked over to us.
"You did very good, Isabella," he said. "We got a fix on her location, and it won't be long now until we catch her."
"Where is she?" she asked in a small voice.
"We are still processing the signal, it will only take a few minutes. But we got a fix on it," he replied, leaving the room. I smiled at her but she didn't smile back.
"See? You're okay now. She's gonna get caught and you and I can live happily ever after," I said. "This is the best news I've heard since you said yes." She bit her lip, still not smiling. "Why aren't you happy?" I asked after a moment.
"Because she's not caught yet. As long as she is running around free as a bird, then I have no reason to be happy. I won't be happy until she's locked behind bars. For real," she replied.
Mrs. Weber came into the room and Bella shifted a little in my embrace. She looked at Mrs. Weber, who smiled softly in response.
"Phoenix," Mrs. Weber said. "The police say your mother is in Phoenix."
"What the hell is she doing there?" Bella asked confused. "Why would she bother to go all the way down there?" She looked at me as if I knew and I shrugged.
"How am I supposed to know how a crazy woman's mind works?" I asked in response.
She sighed; her face unreadable.
"You okay there?" I asked, tucking a stray hair strand away from her face. She looked at me and smiled ever so softly.
"I think… I think so, yeah… how far away is Phoenix?" she asked.
"Far enough so you don't need to worry about your mother for a while," I replied. "She can't get on a plane without getting caught, and driving back her will take her at least a couple of days… assuming she won't get caught before she gets away, which is not going to happen."
I felt her relax a little more, and Mrs. Weber smiled at her.
"Maybe Edward should leave so you can get some rest since you didn't sleep at all last night," Mrs. Weber said.
Bella didn't even look at Mrs. Weber as she shook her head. "I don't want him to leave."
"That's not really your decision to make, Bella. You're living under my roof an-"
"I don't care!" Bella snapped as tears were suddenly falling from her eyes. "My mother may be in Phoenix but what about the other whackjobs? Billy? Jacob? They're still here for all we know. I need Edward here."
"Bella, you have two police men right outside your door. People are watching the border to the reservation to see if anyone is passing, since the police can't cross the line without a warrant. Edward doesn't need to stay," Mrs. Weber replied with a calm voice.
"I want him to stay and I need him to stay," Bella argued. "And he's not leaving unless he wants to leave!"
I couldn't help but smirk a little. My Sparrow was growing alright. She was talking back to people who were supposed to be authority figures. She argued for what she wanted and she was completely stepping out of her comfort zone by doing it. I couldn't have been prouder of her.
"Now you listen to me, young lady," Mrs. Weber said, pointing at her in what was supposed to be that intimidating parenting way, but I could tell Bella couldn't have cared less about it. "As long as you live under my roof, you will abide to my rules."
"You're not my mother," Bella hissed through clenched teeth. I didn't understand her sudden anger. I was all for her standing up for herself, but this was almost getting ridiculous. Why were she suddenly stooping to thatlevel?
"Oh sweet child," Mrs. Weber said, shaking her head. "Do you have any idea how many times I've heard that during my twenty five years as a foster mom? I don't think so. You're angry, I recognize that. You're hurt, and that's understandable. But neither of those are excuses for you to show me disrespect. You are living under my roof, and as long as you do I expect you to treat me with just as much respect as you would any other authority figure."
"Respect is a two-way street," Bella replied. "I want Edward to stay and if you make him go, I will go with him." Mrs. Weber sighed again.
"He can stay, for now. But he's not spending the night," Mrs. Weber said before leaving the room.
I slowly turned towards Bella, who was looking at the open door as if it had insulted her personally.
"Can you please close the door," she asked, her voice suddenly low and quiet.
"Yeah, sure," I replied, getting up and walking over to the door, closing it.
I turned back to the bed and I noticed then how tired she looked.
"You really should get some sleep," I said as I sat back down.
She bit her lip and shook her head.
"No, I don't want to wake up alone," she replied. "I can't sleep."
I took her hand, raising it to my lips so I could kiss her knuckles.
"I won't leave," I said. "That bitch can't make me."
"You promise?"
"I promise."
I stood up and let her get comfortable under the covers, before laying down next to her, putting my arm around her and snuggling as close as I could get. She took my hand and held it with both of hers against her chest.
"I'm touching your boobies," I couldn't help but tease.
"You're such an idiot," she muttered, but I could hear the smile in her voice.
I snuggled even closer, making it so that my face was by her neck. I inhaled deeply – she smelled so good. I pressed my lips against her skin, letting my mouth open a little so I could taste her with the tip of my tongue. She tasted delicious and I could only imagine how otherparts of her tasted.
I groaned at the direction that my thoughts were taking, and my body responded accordingly.
If I didn't love my dick so much I would have considered chopping it off at that moment. This was so not the time for begging for attention.
I shifted a little so my erection didn't press against her. The last thing I wanted right now was to make her uncomfortable by reminding her that I was a hormonal and horny teenage boy who liked to get his dick wet.
"I love you," I murmured with my lips still on her skin.
She didn't reply. The only sign that she even heard me was the deep sigh that escaped her.
She didn't tell me that she loved me back.
That shit stung.
x
I must have fallen asleep, because the next thing I knew I was startled awake by a knock on the door.
"Time to get up," Mrs. Weber said through the door.
I groaned and rolled to my back, checking the alarm clock that stood on the nightstand.
It was seven am.
What the hell?
I turned back to Sparrow, gently shaking her awake.
"Hey, Sparrow, baby, you awake?" I asked softly.
"Mmm… chicken," she mumbled, but didn't open her eyes.
"Hey, c'mon," I said with a smile, shaking her again.
This time she groaned and opened her eyes. She looked confused when she saw me.
"Wh-what time is it?" she asked.
"Seven am."
"You stayed?" she asked surprised, sounding more awake now.
"Yeah, I fell asleep too I guess," I replied with a light shrug before getting up to stretch my body. I had slept with my body completely wrapped around her all night, and my body was stiff as a board because of it. She slowly sat up too and I smiled as I saw her hair. It looked like a haystack.
She asked me to hand her the pile of clothes on the chair and I turned my back to her as she got dressed. She chuckled softly, probably finding the situation quite funny. I didn't however – since she was probably almost naked just a few feet behind my back and I couldn't enjoy the damn view because I didn't want to make her uncomfortable.
Damnit, since when had I become such a gentleman?
After she got dressed, we left for the kitchen together. When we got there, Mrs. Weber was preparing breakfast, and Angela was sitting by the table. Her eyes practically fell out of its sockets as she spotted me.
Bella sat down by the table, and I took the seat next to her. I scooted my chair a little closer to hers so I could rest my arm on the back of her chair. Bella smiled timidly at me and I smiled back.
"What do you like for breakfast, Edward?" Mrs. Weber asked, her voice laced with false calm.
"Whatever you have to offer," I replied, without taking my eyes off of Bella.
We ate in silence, both ignoring the looks Angela was giving us.
"Are you going to school today, Bella?" Mrs. Weber asked.
"Yeah, why not?" she replied, giving me another smile.
"That reminds me," Mrs. Weber said, turning her attention to me. "Your father wants you to call him before you leave. I talked to him last night."
I sighed and gulped down the last of my orange juice, before getting up.
"I suppose I should call him then," I said. "Can I borrow the phone?"
"Yes, you can use the one by the stairs," she replied.
I leaned down and pressed my lips to Bella's hair, before leaving to call my dad.
The call was quick. I almost expected him to be annoyed that I had stayed, but apparently he wasn't. He told me that Mrs. Weber had called him last night when she had found me asleep in Bella's bed. She had made a point by telling him that I had been above the covers, while Bella had been underneath. I guess that simple gesture made them trust me with her. Dad told me to get home right after school – no exceptions – since I had an appointment with the shrink later. I decided not to argue with him on that, since he had brought me to Sparrow when she needed me. The least I could do to return the favor was to give him this.
I returned to the kitchen where Bella was finished with her breakfast. We moved towards her bedroom and I was just about to ask her how we were going to school when the doorbell rang. Since Bella and I were already by the front door, she turned to open it.
"Oh, hi Jasper," she said.
"I wasn't sure if you were going to school today either, but I figured I would…" he trailed off when he spotted me behind her and he looked at us in confusion.
"Is there room for me too?" I asked, smirking at his expression.
"Yeah… sure," he replied slowly. "You ready to go?"
"Let me just grab my bag," she said, turning around. I rolled my eyes at her, stopping her from going anywhere.
"I'll get it," I said, quickly moving to her room and grabbing her bag. She gave me a semi-annoyed look when I returned. "What?" I asked.
"I can do stuff myself you know," she said.
"Yeah, I know. But where's the fun in that?" I replied, leaning in to kiss her. She rolled her eyes, but didn't protest. When I pulled back, Jasper's eyes were even wider than before.
"Let's go," he croaked, before turning around and heading for his car. I chuckled as I followed Sparrow out the door. A light layer of snow was covering the ground, and I was worried about the possibility of ice hiding underneath. Sparrow was going to have a hard time getting around on those crutches today. Lucky for her, I would be with her every damn step of the way.
"When are you getting rid of the crutches?" I asked, as I joined her in the backseat of Jasper's car.
"Dr. Carrot said that they might replace the cast with a supportive brace in January. The bones have healed way better than they expected. Apparently I have supernatural healing abilities," she said with a roll of her eyes.
"That's awesome," I said, holding her hand between us as the car started moving.
Jasper didn't say anything and neither did we. Every so often I felt Bella squeeze my hand and when I turned my head at her she was giving me a reassuring smile.
'You'll be okay' she mouthed. As always, it didn't occur to me that my discomfort with cars was so obvious to other people. But Sparrow wasn't just anyone, of course she would notice if something was wrong with me even if other people didn't. She always saw stuff that nobody else saw.
We ignored Jasper, barely thanking him for the ride when we got to the school. We basically left him behind before making our way towards the main entrance together. I felt like a dick for ignoring Jasper, but I still kind of hated him for implying that I was going to hit Bella in the music room. That shit was insulting.
I held open the door for her, and let her walk in first before I followed.
People looked at us weirdly as we walked together down the hallway.
Of course they did.
I wondered how they would have looked if we had walked hand in hand.
I kind of wished that was possible – but it wasn't, because of her crutches.
Sparrow was uncomfortable, I could tell. Her unease was practically rolling off of her in waves. She didn't like the attention. She never did.
We stopped by her locker and she smiled timidly at me before she started fiddling with her lock.
"So, you… me… lunch?" I asked and she nodded.
"Maybe we can by something and eat in the music room," she suggested.
I grimaced and she looked confused at my reaction.
"I don't really like that room to be honest," I said. "Bad memories."
"Oh, okay," she said, nodding. "I guess that's fine then. We'll eat wherever you want to eat."
I leaned forward a little bit – but not to kiss her.
"The cafeteria," I said quietly. This was her time to knit her eyebrows together.
"Are you trying to prove a point?" she asked.
I shook my head. "No, but I would like it if you did."
She sighed, putting her books in her bag and throwing it over her shoulder.
"Fine," she agreed reluctantly.
"But we're not eating with my... or are they ours now?… anyway, our friends today. I rather have you to myself if that's alright," I continued and she sighed, nodding again.
"That's fine too. I'm not too fond of them right now anyway," she said, not needing to elaborate since I understood why. She was still not comfortable with them. They weren't constant enough for her to be comfortable with them quite yet. Except for Jasper, but he seemed to be the exception to every damn rule.
"So, see you at lunch?"
"Yeah, see you."
I leaned in again, wanting to kiss her goodbye but I thought better of it and pulled back. She gave me an appreciative smile, and her smile was worth skipping a kiss over.
I turned around.
The fact that I was basically counting the minutes till lunch did not gain me any macho points.
x
My class before lunch was cancelled, so I had nothing better to do than roam the halls. After leaving my books in my locker I started to walk aimlessly in the halls. I was so caught up in my own thoughts that I didn't even think to look up from the floor as I rounded the corner and collided with someone.
Luckily, my reflexes worked faster than my brain, and I reached out to grab the other person to keep us both from falling. A weird clattering sound echoed through the hallway. I looked up to see who it was that I had crashed with, when I found myself looking at those beautiful, brown eyes that I had come to fucking worship.
"We really need to stop hitting on each other," she said, groaning a little but forcing a smile anyway. The weird clattering sound had been from when she lost grip of her crutches.
"You okay? I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking," I apologize and she dismissed my words with a weak wave of her hand.
"It takes two to tango… or crash as the case may be," she replied.
"Are you okay though? Are you in any pain?" I asked and she shrugged.
"I've had worse, at least I didn't fall down this time" she replied with a light shrug.
"What are you doing roaming the halls anyway?"
"I usually have gym during this period, but I don't anymore. Remember?"
"Oh yeah, I forgot about that."
She leaned against the wall and I quickly picked up her crutches, handing them to her.
"Wanna go and check out if the cafeteria is open yet?" I asked and she nodded.
Luckily for us – it was.
A few burnouts were already seated at their table in the back. I bought and paid for our food, and I was surprised when Sparrow didn't object to this. I took our tray to a table by the window. She sat down and I took the seat next to her instead of one across from her.
She played with the plastic wrapper on her sandwich as I took a bite of my slice of pizza.
"So, I was thinking," she began and I almost choked. I didn't like the sound of that. She smiled softly at my terrified expression and shook her head. "No, it's nothing bad. It's just that I was wondering if you… if you still had that book… about the legends."
I swallowed and took a drink from my coke before answering her.
"Yeah, I do," I replied. "Why you asking? You want me to burn it or something?"
"No, actually… I was thinking that maybe we could… could look into it," she said with a quiet voice, staring intently on her still wrapped sandwich that she was picking away at.
"What changed your mind?"
"I want to find that loophole. It doesn't matter if we don't need it once my mom is finally behind bars. But I want to know."
"Again, what changed your mind?"
She slowly turned her head to me and smiled sadly. "Someone I deeply care about wanted to look into it."
"So you care about me, huh?" I teased.
"Very much so," she almost whispered, as if she was afraid to say it.
I leaned forward, grateful that our only audience was the burnouts at the opposite side of the room. I kissed her softly, scooting my chair closer to her so I could put my hands on her hips, pulling her ever so slightly closer to me. Her hands wound up in my hair and she gripped it as I let my tongue sneak out and trace her bottom lip. She let her mouth open, the tip of her tongue meeting mine halfway. She tasted like mint and strawberries. And Bella.
She tasted like Bella.
I wanted to say that she tasted like Sparrow, but that would have sounded wrong even in my head. Who the fuck knows what a sparrow tastes like? Does it taste like chicken?
I put my hand on her thigh on her bad leg, slowly massaging her and silently hoping that her leg was fine. I didn't mean to hurt her. She moaned quietly, practically shivering at my touch when I realized my hand wasn't just on her thigh anymore, it was practically in wonderland.
Damnit, brain.
I stilled my hand's movements, before letting it go back to safer territory closer to her knee. We stopped kissing for a moment, resting our foreheads against each others as we caught our breaths.
"You make crazy shit happen to me. I'm losing my mind," I said, completely breathless.
"Ditto," she whispered with a soft sigh. I smiled at her, chastely kissing her lips one more time before turning back to my pizza. She smiled as she turned towards her food as well.
I was just about to raise my pizza to my mouth when I noticed that we did indeed have an audience this time. I gulped and forced a smile.
"Dude, I thought you were fucking joking!" Emmett exclaimed, slamming his tray down on the table and sitting down across from us. Bella flinched at the sudden sound, her eyes wide as she looked at him.
"What did I miss?" she asked, looking at me in surprise.
"Yesterday, after my lil'brother kicked some punk's ass, I asked him if he got it bad for you. He said yes. I thought he was shitting me because he said something about bringing you a pen and it didn't make any damn sense to me. But apparently he wasn't joking. Damn," Emmet explained in one breath, slouching in his seat as he finished. He looked at us as if we were a confusing piece of art that was far too sophisticated for him to understand.
Bella turned to look at me. "You beat someone up?" she asked confused. "Why?"
"Apparently the dude wanted to claim you or something. Piss on your leg or whatever," Emmett said. I wanted to fucking smack his head. There was a reason why I wanted to keep that particular fight from her. The last thing she needed right now was to worry about that mutt wanting to get into her pants, or drink her blood or whatever.
"Edward?" she asked, now sounding scared.
I sighed deeply, turning to her and holding her hands between us. "I saw Jacob outside the school yesterday, and I beat his sorry ass up. He's not going to come around her anymore. He's not a problem. I dealt with him."
The blood rushed from her face so quickly it looked like she was about to pass out.
That shit couldn't be healthy.
"And you didn't think this was something you should have told me about?" she hissed.
"And why should I have done that?" I asked. "Nothing good would come of it. You would only have given you another damn reason to worry, and we both know you already have enough of those. "
"Damnit, Edward," she sighed. "You can't keep stuff like that from me. You're not keeping me safe by keeping secrets, it only makes me question what else you might be hiding from me."
"C'mon, I'm not hiding anything from you," I said softly, cupping her face in my hands. "It was only this one lousy thing. I promise." I kissed her chastely and I could tell that she accepted my apology, even though I wasn't really apologizing.
"But from now on, you're not keeping any more secrets from me. Okay?" she said. "I don't care what it's about, I don't care about how irrelevant you think it is. I still don't want any more secrets. I hate secrets."
I couldn't help but smirk darkly at her words. The hypocrite rears her ugly head again.
Or, beautiful head in her case.
She said she didn't like secrets – yet, her entire life was basically a secret. Everything she did was a secret. Hell, I was one of her fucking secrets. So how could she ask other people to be honest with her when she wasn't being honest in return?
Emmett had watched our exchange with his mouth hanging open.
"What?" I asked him, taking another bite of my pizza.
"Someone seriously needs to explain what's going on here," he said, as if he had a right to know our business. Just then, we were joined by the others as well. I guess we weren't going to get to eat our lunch in private after all. Bella tensed as the others sat down. It bugged the shit out of me that they didn't even ask if it was alright that they sat down, considering this wasn't even our usual table.
"We don't need to explain a thing," I replied coolly. "It's none of your fucking business." Bella slapped my arm. "HEY!" I protested. She gave me a look and she huffed when she realized I didn't understand what the hell it meant.
"So I guess the bird is out of the cage," Rosalie said, smirking at me. "So how is the new couple?"
"Shut up, Rose," I muttered.
"Oh, c'mon," she said, rolling her eyes. "You have always mocked your brother for being pussy-whipped, now it's our turn to mock you for finally settling on one pussy to fuck. Who knew you could pick a partner?"
"I'm not pussy-whipped," I argued.
"Of course you aren't," Emmett said with a smirk.
Bella put her sandwich – that she hadn't even unwrapped yet – back on the tray before pushing her chair back. She grabbed her crutches and stood up.
"Where are you going?" I asked.
She didn't answer me, she just shook her head as she wobbled away. I glared at Rosalie as I pushed my own chair back.
"You don't even fucking know her, and you still think it's appropriate to speak about being pussy-whipped in front of her? Maybe you should get to know her before making stupid jokes and comments like that, alright?" I said and she looked at me with a blank face. "Fucking bitch."
I walked away, following Sparrow out. I didn't speak and neither did she. I just followed her to wherever she planned to go.
A few minutes later, I had followed her to the music room. It didn't matter how much I didn't want to be there. What I wanted was completely irrelevant at the moment.
She sat down on the piano bench, straddling it before throwing her crutches away. They skidded across the dirty floor, leaving trails in the dust. I slowly sat down and straddled the bench too, so I could look at her face.
"You okay?" I asked softly.
"Why is it so important?" she asked.
"Why is what so important?"
She slowly turned her head to me.
"Sex."
"It's not important," I replied with a crooked smile.
"Yeah? So if I tell you right now that I'm never ever going to have sex with you, would you accept that and still be with me?"
My instinct told me to say that of course I would stay with her no matter what, but another part of me told me to just shut the fuck up. If I said that I would accept it, it would be like I was lying even though I wasn't. I loved her. Wasn't that enough?
"It's a big deal to you… I get that," I began but she didn't let me finish.
"It's not that it's a big deal, it's just that I can't… I just can't do it."
"Because you need to be pure? Damnit, Sparrow, you know all that crap is a load of bullshit. And you're fucking smarter than that, you don't believe that stuff. Right?"
"No, I don't… but I… I don't know… I just can't."
I sighed and dragged my hands through my hair.
"Please don't hate me for what I'm about to ask you, okay?" She looked at me suspiciously and I took a deep breath. "Why the fuck aren't you in therapy? I mean, your whole view of the world is so fucked up. Your view ofeverythingis fucked up. Aren't the social services people required by law to put you in therapy or something?"
Her bottom lip quivered and she bit down on it. She swallowed thickly, probably collecting her thoughts before answering me.
"I discussed it with Kate when I lived with her and I told her that I would never enter therapy. I would never be comfortable to talk to a complete stranger about my past, especially not with a stranger whose only reason they even talked to me was because they got paid to do it and not because they cares. How could I trust someone like that?"
My brain coughed the word 'hypocrite' in my head.
"Yeah, and yet you expect me to talk to a professional about my shit?" I said, not bothering to hide my irritation. Her double standards were starting to fuck with my head. "And don't fucking tell me it's not the same, because I know it's not. Your shit is way worse than mine, I know that. But the principle of it all is still the same." I gripped my hair with my hands, just staring at her for a moment. "You said you wanted me to get better, well, I want you to get better. The difference between the two of us seems to be that I fucking realize that I have a problem while you act like you're all good. But you're not. You're not good at all."
She glared at me with teary eyes, biting hard on her lip. She didn't like it when I threw the truth in her face like that.
"And what exactly is so wrong about me? Are you saying I'm insane just because I don't share your views on sex?" she asked defensively.
"What? No! This has nothing to do with sex."
"Then what is it about?" she asked, angrily wiping away the tear that fell down her cheek. "You're Edward Cullen, all you ever care about is sex. So of course your girlfriend has to be the one girl that won't do it with you. Maybe that's why you chose me. Because I'm a challenge for you."
"You did not just fucking say that!" I snapped. "You can doubt a lot of fucking things, Sparrow, and you can spew a lot of fucking shit, but don't you fucking dare doubt or spew shit about my feelings for you. I have no idea how you feel about me and to be honest it's fucking freaking me out. But at least I'm honest with you. I love you. You hear me? I can say that again if you want, if you didn't hear me the first trillion times I've told you already. I. Love. You. Now, why don't you pull out that fucking stick you have shoved up your ass and stop being so damn ignorant!"
A sudden burning sensation was radiating from the left side of my face and I was practically seeing stars. Sparrow gasped and when I looked at her I saw that she was covering her mouth with her hands.
"I'm so sorry," she said, her voice muffled by her hands.
It took me a moment to realize what just occurred.
She hit me.
My Sparrow just hit me.
"You… you hit me," I said dumbly, massaging the side of my face. "That fucking hurt."
And why the fuck am I finding that hot?
"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to… it just… I just… I don't… I'm sorry!" she rambled, reaching out to touch my other cheek, and letting her other hand rest on mine on the side where she'd hit me.
She scooted forward on the bench, practically sitting in my lap as she wrapped her good leg around mine. By the way we were sitting now our crotches were merely inches apart. My dick was acutely aware of that fact. Especially after her hitting me.
She cupped my face with her hands and started to kiss me all over my face as I let my hand fall down. I gripped her thighs as she continued to kiss me.
"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to do it," she said between kisses. She pecked my lips a couple of times before I got enough of the chastity of it all. I pressed my lips hard against hers and she gripped my hair tight. The urgency and passion behind our kissing now was nothing we had done before. I was surprised by the way her mouth and tongue moved with mine; I wondered what had possessed her to be so brave all of a sudden.
My hands tightened on her thighs and she scooted closer – which was a bad fucking idea, since she practically rubbed against my boner now. I stopped thinking about how I didn't want to make her uncomfortable, instead I decided to just go with my instincts. If she told me to stop, I would stop. But until then I might as well enjoy the fucking ride.
I put a hand on her lower back as I slowly pushed her down on her back. Our lips never parted, and I wondered if she even realized she was now laying down. By the way she was kissing me it was as if she wasn't even aware of the rest of the world anymore.
Her legs were spread, resting on each side of the bench. When I hovered over her I pressed my body against hers, but trying to keep most of my weight off by leaning my arm against the piano.
I didn't want to crush my girlfriend.
I could feel my dick twitch as it came in contact with her body, and I couldn't help the groan that escaped me. Her fingers starting scratching my scalp and pulling at my hair, and it was driving me crazy. I started to move on top of her. I needed friction. My dick needed fucking friction.
Dear Dick, meet Bella's wonderful crotch. Sorry about the clothes.
I slowly started to dry-hump her, my entire body rejoicing in the feeling. A moan escaped her, and it was like damn music to my ears. A moan was always better than a 'stop'. Andthat moan was almost better than dry-humping.
Almost.
I started to move faster on top of her, and I swear to God I was going to come. I usually had a pretty decent amount of stamina, so the fact that I was so close already – without even fucking her – was fucking ridiculous. If it had been some other girl, then this would have been embarrassing. But somehow, with Sparrow, it wasn't.
My dick came in contact with her again, and a strangled moan escaped her at the contact.
I groaned and did it again, harder on purpose this time. I was granted with another moan.
But when I did it a third time, she removed her hands from my hair, pushing me away by placing them on my chest.
"Stop," she said, her voice so breathless and soft that I almost didn't hear her.
I reluctantly sat back down on the bench. My erection fucking painful against its confines of my jeans. She didn't sit up. She just stared at the ceiling. Her cheeks were flushed and she was fucking glowing.
She liked it. I was sure she fucking liked it.
"I don't have a problem," she said with a weird, empty tone. She didn't look at me. "See? I can be normal too. I'm not insane."
Her words pierced through me, and I felt myself deflate. Fuck.
"You… you did this to prove a point?" I asked slowly.
She bit her quivering lip and I wanted to fucking slap myself.
"You told me today that you wanted me to prove a point."
Of course she did it to prove a fucking point.
"You're going with me to the hospital today. We're going to get you professional help."
"I don't need help, I'm fine."
"In what universe?" I asked, grabbing her hand and pulling her up. "You said that I'm falling apart in front of you, when in reality it'syouthat is falling apart. You were so fucking broken when I came to your house last night, and ever since then it's only gone downhill. You agree to shit you wouldn't normally agree to, and you act like you wouldn't normally act. Something is fucking up and I need you to get help."
"I don't need help. I'm… fine." Her voice was weak, I doubted she believed her own words.
"Yeah? But you said yourself that talking to Jasper helped because he wasn't judging or whatever. So why are you talking to him if you're fine?" I could see in her eyes that I had her. She couldn't argue with my logic. "Sparrow, please. You're not yourself… something is going on with you and I don't fucking understand what, and I can't help you." I sighed and cupped her face. "Would you do anything for me if I asked you to?" I was throwing her own words in her face and I was hoping it would be enough.
"Yes," she whispered.
"Then please, do this for me. Get help. We could be great together. But maybe we both need some fucking help to make that possible… or else we'll just ruin each other. And I don't want to ruin you. You mean too much to me."
"You're everything to me," she replied with a quiet voice.
I wanted to ask her in what way I was her everything, as she kept phrasing it that way.
Was I her everything as a friend? As a brother?
I didn't ask her though. This was neither the time nor place.
"I love you," I told her with a sad, crooked smile.
She didn't say it back.