Disclaimer:I don't own these characters, I just play with them. This story is rated M, and is not suitable for younger readers. Story contains violence, coarse language and sexual "situations". Please do not read if any of these things offends you.
Note: [Unbeta'ed! – all errors are mine ]
Chapter 49, "Aftermath"
Edward Cullen POV
My leg bounced restlessly on the floor. My body slumped in the chair as I rested my elbow on the armrest, leaning my head against the tip of my middle finger. I was glaring at nothing in particular as I waited for my dad to exit the office across from me.
According to the clock on the wall, I had been sitting here in the local police station for only thirty minutes, but I was pretty damn sure that clock was broken and that every minute was probably more like twenty.
Thirty minutes at the station.
Another fifteen since I last saw Sparrow.
It hadn't even been an hour and yet it felt like she had been gone for weeks, months or even years.
Maybe it felt like this because I didn't know when I was going to see her next. She didn't just go back to the Webers' to pick something up, so that she could then return to me. She didn't just go to the bathroom, so that she could then return to me. She didn't just go to any-fucking-where so that she could then return to me! She didn't go anywhere willingly. She didn't leave me willingly. Therefore, she would not return to me either. She was fucking gone, and it was all my fault.
I turned my gaze toward a couple of cops that were hanging out by the water cooler at the other end of the waiting area. One of them was leaning casually against the water cooler, sipping from his cup. They were talking about the kidnapping as if it was the most fascinating thing they had experienced in their very few years of being cops. They were both in their twenties –earlytwenties. They had that cocky rookie cop thing about them. They thought they were kickass, immortal and that every criminal would pee their pants in their mere presence.
They talked as if they knew exactly what they were talking about, when in reality they knew fucking nothing. They were using stupid cop lingo that no real cops used. It was all from cheesy TV-shows that made real cops cringe. They were living in clichés, not the reality.
It was clear that even though they might have wanted to take the kidnapping seriously, and do their damn job, they still cared more about how cool it made them look, to be a part of one of the biggest crimes this town had seen in years. Although, to me it only looked like they were a bunch of kids playing cops. They had no fucking clue about what they were doing.
I wondered what made this particular crime so interesting – the fact that it was a kidnapping, with attempted murder attached to it, or the fact that the victim was the police chief´s daughter. Oh, sorry, I meant the former police chief's daughter.
It didn't look like he was going to get that job back any time soon.
The front door opened, and in walked the last people I wanted to fucking see at that moment.
Mike fucking Newton and his skank girlfriend, Jessica Stanley.
The cops by the water cooler straightened up immediately, puffing out their chests as if that made them look all badass and not at all bloated. Mike walked up them nervously, Jessica standing a few feet behind, fiddling with the hem of her jacket.
"Eh… the… eh… they told us to come here, to give our report as… eh… as witnesses… the kidnapping of the goose… NO! I mean the Swan… eh… NO… eh…" Mike stuttered. The rookie cops shared an amused look, and one of them nodded toward a short hallway.
"The kidnapping of Isabella Swan, I got it," he said calmly. "Follow me."
Mike's eyes darted all over the place as he followed the cop, and they landed on me for a brief second. I tensed immediately in my chair and I swear to fucking God that he almost peed his fucking pants at the mere sight of me. MaybeI should become a cop. I would be good at scaring the criminals.
Mike quickly darted his eyes to the floor as he and Jessica disappeared out of sight.
I wish I had fucking bashed his head in when I found out what they had seen.
This was all his fault.
x
"I love you," I said, licking my fingers clean from the sticky pink fluff. I was tempted to let her do it for me, but I figured that would be a slippery slope and I would end up going too far. Having her lick and suck my fingers would only give me mental images of her licking and sucking other parts of me.
Uh-oh, too late.
"I love you too," she replied, honestly sounding both excited and relieved which mademefeel excited and relieved. Such a simple fucking thing, but it meant everything.
She surprised me by sticking a piece of cotton candy in my mouth. As is she could read my mind. I wrapped my lips around her finger, letting my tongue lick it clean. She bit her lip as she stared at my mouth and I held back a groan. Did she know how fucking sexy she was when she looked at me like that? Like I was the center of her universe? It was hard to believe that just hours earlier she'd had her hand down my pants. The memory would be forever etched to my mind as one of the hottest things I had ever experienced. It didn't matter she had never done it before, it didn't matter that she was still a virgin. Being jacked off by a girl you loved was way hotter than fucking a girl in a janitor's closet, that's for sure.
I could almost feel mini-me twitch in my pants, poking at me for attention. This was so not the time for an awkward boner. Sparrow had too much goddamn power over me. And to add it all off, I needed to take a leak.
"Damnit, I need to take a leak," I said, not wanting to leave her. I was pretty damn content having her finger in my mouth, just licking and sucking and… I wanted to roll my eyes at myself. My thoughts were not a safe territory anymore.
"You wait here?" I asked and she nodded. I stood up reluctantly, leaning down and kissed her sugary lips before stepping away. "I love you, gorgeous", I said, not able to help myself anymore since I knew that I would hear her say it back every time I said it.
She did not disappoint. "It's mutual," she replied with a wide grin. I grinned back, feeling like a giddy schoolgirl, before I turned around the corner and walked over to the entrance of the café.
The café was crowded as I made my way to the bathrooms in the back.
I walked over to the nearest urinal, motherfuckingwhistlingas I grabbed my dick. I turned my gaze a little, nodding and smirking at the guy next to me. I recognized him from school and when he noticed me he flinched in surprise, almost peeing on his shoes in the process. It took me a moment before I realized why.
I had no business greeting this guy! I didn't know him. We didn't run in the same circles at school.
But that mattered little, apparently, because I was too fucking happy to care. Besides, I had probably just made that dude's day. It's not every day that you get a nod from Edward fucking Cullen.
I turned my gaze to the wall in front of me, snorting quietly at the poorly drawn picture of a pair of boobs on the dirty wall. I finished up, washing my hands before leaving the bathroom. The smirk was ever present on my face, as if it was permanently attached. I couldn't stop smirking even if I wanted too. Not that I did. Why would I? I was happy, and I'd be damned if tried to hide it. This was the first time in forever that I was fucking happy.
Happy.
All thanks to Sparrow
I wiped the corner of my mouth with my thumb. I could still taste her on my lips… or maybe it was the cotton candy. It was hard to tell since they were both sugary sweet and delicious.
It was a sickly cheesy thought, so I was glad that I hadn't thought it out loud. No matter how true it was. My sparrowwassugary sweet and delicious.
This was turning out to be the best Christmas ever.
She told me she loved be by giving me the most perfect gift ever, and I wasn't talking about the hand job – although that was pretty damn amazing too. But the book, that was something else entirely. It was clever, funny and perfect. Just like her. And I loved her too. It was fucking scary how much. I mean, how on earth did I never notice her before? We had 'known' each other basically our whole lives, and I had never thought about her twice. Why was that? How could I have ignored (and treated her badly) for so long, only to end up falling so madly in love with her that it hurt to even look at her?
Just as I left the café, I bumped into Mike and Jessica on my way out. Mike had his skinny, little arm wrapped around Jessica's waist. Good for him. I was prepared to just ignore them, but his voice rang out, stopping me.
"Good job on the Goose," Mike said, laughing.
I slowly turned around to face him.
"I beg yourpardon?" I asked through clenched teeth.
"The Goose," he said again, ignoring my tone and my hand twitched at the nickname. "What did you do? Poison the cotton candy or something?"
"What are you talking about?" I snapped.
"Oh please," he said, laughing again. "I'm talking about how she just puked her guts out, some dude even held back her hair." He laughed loudly at the memory, and I didn't understand what could possibly be so fun about a poor girl puking. No matter whom she was, then I realized exactlywhathe was saying.
Sparrow puked – and some guy held her hair back. Wait… what?
"She… what?" I was too confused to be angry now.
"Yeah, we saw the whole thing go down. You missed a show, that's for sure," Jessica chimed in, hugging herself to Mike. "We saw you leave, and then some guy walked up behind her, hugging her or something… I don't know… why someone would hug her is beyond me, so I can't be sure. Anyway, then she leaned into him, and freaking puked! He had to push her away and she puked all over the place! It was hilarious!"
"And nobody did anything?" I asked, bewildered.
"Yeah, some old lady asked if she could help but the guy said that he was going to take her to the hospital, or something… I didn't really pay attention," Jessica explained with a shrug.
My eyes went wide as the pieces started to fall into place.
Oh no, oh no.
God, damnit. No!
I quickly left them, all but running to the corner, rounding it and going back to the bench where I had left her.
I stopped as I saw the empty bench. She was gone. The only sign of her ever being there was her crutch that lay in the snow. Some of the snow in front of the bench had been colored pink by cotton candy vomit. Just like they said.
There was a searing pain in my heart, panic was settling in and I felt like I was going to puke pink too. Whoever had helped her was not someone good. If that person was just trying to help, she would still be sitting here. There was no chance in hell that she would have left with someone random just like that, especially when she knew I would be back in just a few minutes. She would have waited for me. She would.
She was gone.
And it was all my fault.
x
What happened next was a blur. It all happened so fast. I called my dad, he called the cops. They all came running and the area was closed off with restriction tape. All while I just stood there, staring at the vomit in the snow as if it was all there was left of her. As if that was the only sign of her ever existing in the first place. My mind shut off and it didn't turn on again until I was in the police station, waiting for… I didn't even know what the hell I was waiting for. A miracle? Yeah, that was probably it.
The door in front of me remained closed, and I could only hear a slight murmur from inside. What the fuck were they talking about that was so bad that I couldn't be in there too? It was my girlfriend for crying out loud, not my dad's. So why were they talking in there… without me?
The waiting was killing me, so I got up and went outside to grab a smoke instead. I walked outside, patting my pockets on my jeans and my jacket, only to come up short. Damnit, no smokes.
A middle-aged cop was standing to the side, smoking away and I gave him a look.
"Can I bum one?" I asked. He furrowed his eyebrows, not making a move to give me one. I sighed, rolling my eyes. "I'm over eighteen," I lied.
He snorted, chuckling darkly as he pulled out his pack from his pocket.
"No, you're not, Mr. Cullen," he replied. "But I won't tell if you won't." He held out the pack to me. "Take it, I only have few left and I promised my wife I would quit." He gave me a sad small and I guess he knew why I needed the distraction. He knew that the reason to why this station was finally getting some action was because of mygirlfriend. He probably felt sorry for me.
I nodded, using the lighter that was still inside the pack to lit my first smoke. I took a deep, relaxing drag of the cigarette, letting the smoke linger in my lungs a moment longer than necessary before I slowly breathed it out through my nose. The cop went back inside, letting me keep both the lighter and the pack. I sat down on the steps in front of the entrance.
My leg was back to bouncing restlessly and my hand shook as I held the cigarette between my fingers.
I finally understood why people became alcoholics after experiencing traumatic events. The pain was almost unbearable. Alcohol would have made this a hell of a lot easier to handle.
As I studied the cigarette in my hand, I realized I was doing one of the few things Sparrow had mentioned she disliked about me. She didn't like it that I smoked – and I hadn't even realized I had cut it down almost completely ever since we became friends.
"Well, you're not here now, are you?" I said out loud as I exhaled the smoke. I took a few more drags, before throwing the butt away, glaring at it as it disappeared in the snow. "You'll never fucking be here again, will you?" I said, my voice broken.
I wondered why I was still sitting there. Why wasn't up and about and doing something? Why wasn't I trying to find her? Why was I just sitting here, feeling sorry for myself?
Because if I tried to stand up right now, I would fall down and never get up again.
The idea of sneaking off to La Push had crossed my mind quite a few times during this past hour, but there was something holding me back. I had overheard a cop saying that they were on a look out for a blue Honda, and that there had been no vehicles crossing the borders to La Push since it happened. No in. No out. No anything.
So that meant one of two things: either they had taken her into La Push some other way, maybe through the woods, or they took her someplace else entirely. They weren't idiots, they knew they were being watched. They wouldn't be stupid enough to take her to La Push, especially not right away. They knew they had to be sneaky about it.
Which was exactly why Ihad to be sneaky about whatever I had to do to get her back.
Which meant I had to have a plan before I ran off doing something stupid.
I was not about to risk her life just because I didn't think shit through. Of course I wanted her back as soon as possible, but not at the cost of her getting hurt because of it.
News flash, she's already hurt.
Damnit, they were going to kill her.
A thought occurred to me as I took another drag. Maybe going to La Push would be a good idea. Maybe it didn't matter if she was there or not, if there were any clues at all, then La Push should be surrounded by them. Maybe I could talk to Leah, maybe she had heard something? After all, Leah was living smack dab in the middle of it. Leah would be the perfect spy. Why hadn't I thought about that before? We should have talked to her a long time ago. Even if she didn't believe in all that legend-crap she must still know when the big ceremonies were about to take place. Or say, when people planned to kidnap innocent girls and force them together with someone they didn't even like. Let alone loved.
Sparrow loved me, not Jacob – who was nothing but a pathetic and disgusting excuse for a person.
Person.
I snorted. Yeah right. Calling that mutt a person would be a compliment he didn't deserve. He was nothing but a worthless piece of shit, and when I got my hands on him, he would be a dead piece of shit.
They all were.
I didn't care if they returned my Sparrow in perfect condition, the fact that they took her in the first place was reason enough to kill them all. They had hurt her enough, why did they have to put her through more of their shit? She didn't love him. She didn't love them either. She had even made this painfully clear to them, so why did they keep torturing her? Why couldn't they just leave her be?
I lit another cigarette, holding it between my lips as I put my palms together, pressing them between my legs. It was fucking freezing. But the cold was the least of my problems, since there was something picking at my chest, slowly prying it open with a rusty crowbar. I wondered if it would ever reach my heart. Did I even have one? Could one love without a heart? And if I didn't have a heart, did that mean I didn't love Sparrow?
I closed my eyes and shook my head at myself.
There were many things in this life that I could doubt and question, but my love for that girl was not one of them. Not anymore. I loved her. There was nothing in this world that I had ever been more sure of.
I loved her, and now she was going to die.
If they hadn't managed to cut her wrists and let her bleed to death already. Maybe she was already dead.
It was a wonder that I could still think so rationally about all of this. How I could keep so calm. How was that possible? Why wasn't I freaking out yet?
I opened my eyes and flinched as I found my friends looking back at me. Emmett was standing right in front of me with Alice, Rosalie and Jasper a few feet behind. I hadn't heard them approach.
"It's not your fault, ya know," Emmett said, his voice uncharacteristically quiet with his breath making smoky clouds in the cold air. I took another deep drag, holding the cigarette between my fingers, ignoring him. I was not in the mood for this. I didn't need a pep-talk. I needed to hear that I was my fault – because it was. If I hadn't left her, she wouldn't have been abducted. Emmett sighed, shaking his head. "The police are looking, and they have witnesses and leads. They will find her."
I didn't answer this either, instead I kept working on my cigarette.
There was no hope. I felt no hope. All I felt was… nothing.
No wonder I felt so calm. There was nothing to feel about this.
Sparrow was kidnapped, it was all my fault. And now we were both going to die.
Fantastic.
I wasn't an idiot. I knew that this wouldn't have happened if I hadn't left her. What were the odds that she would get sick from cotton candy while I was in the bathroom? And what were the odds that she would get sick but not me? I had eaten that pink fluffy shit too, and I was fine!
Somebody must have been watching us; somebody must have waited for the moment that I turned my head, or left her for a few minutes. Somebody saw the opportunity and took it. I wondered how long we had been watched. Had someone followed us as soon as we got there?
In the end, I guess it didn't matter. Sparrow had been abducted, and nobody as much as batted an eye as it happened. A poor, crippled girl got kidnapped in a crowd – and people just let it happen.
I remember turning around as I told my dad on the phone what happened. I had watched the people walking past the area, they had all been smiling and laughing, only paying attention to the people they were walking with. They didn't see – or care about – anything but themselves. Self-centered assholes.
This was my punishment for enjoying myself and getting caught up in the moment. Somehow we had both managed to forget all about reality. How could we not? She said she loved me for crying out loud. How could anyone expect us to care about reality after that? Shit between us had finally been perfect, and we were stupid enough to think that the rest would follow. That reality would stop sucking just because we figured shit out. But we were wrong. Boy, were we wrong.
"Dude, seriously, they'll find her," Emmett said again, interrupting my thoughts by nudging my leg with his foot. "And Bella is a tough chick. She can handle herself."
Against knives, drugs and poison? I don't think so, I wanted to snap at him, but I didn't.
Instead I said, "I love her."
A weird whimpering sound came from Alice, and Jasper pulled her to his chest. I hated that. He was just reminding me that I couldn't pull my girlfriend to my chest to comfort her.
Emmett smiled sadly, taking my cigarette and putting it to his lips, taking a drag and slowly blowing out the smoke through his mouth before handing it back to me.
"I know," he said simply. "It's so obvious now that I'm surprised you two managed to keep it a secret for so long."
The corner of my lip lifted. "She didn't even tell me that she did until this morning," I said quietly. "She wrote it in the book. I had been dying to hear her say it because I thought I needed to hear the words in order to know that shit between us was real. To know that I was worthy of her love even though I've hurt her so much… then she finally said it… and what happens? She gets kidnapped just hours later." I knew I was rambling, but I couldn't help it. My calm was beginning to fade and the panic was starting to set it.
"So you liked the book?" Jasper asked with a smile. I looked down at my hands and nodded.
"It was fucking perfect," I replied quietly.
"I thought you might," Jasper said. "She was freaking out over the gift, you know. As if you wouldn't have liked whatever the hell she gave you. She could have given you a key ring with a flower and you would have liked it just the same."
"Is it that obvious?" I mumbled.
"Gifts are pretty meaningless when you already got the girl," Jasper said, making one of his usual deep observations. I sighed, my heart tightening in my chest. Jasper's words weren't helping. Because I didn't have the girl anymore. So what the hell did I have? A fucking book that served as nothing but a reminder of what I used to have.
I felt a tear slip down my cheek, and I quickly wiped it away.
"Dude," Emmett said with a pained voice and I snapped my eyes to him.
"I wished I fucking killed her," I said, standing up abruptly, throwing the butt of the cigarette in the snow. "I wish I could back to that night so I could kill her. I would hit her, then I would fucking put that car in reverse and hit her again. I would run her over. Over and over again, until I was sure she was dead."
"Duuude," Emmett whined.
I glared at him. Or at least I tried to glare at him.
"Trust me, Emmett. She would be better off dead than where she is now," I said grimly, before turning around and heading back inside.
I went back to my chair, sitting down. I tried to ignore the feeling of having the walls cave in on me. The room was suffocating me. I leaned forward in my seat, resting my elbows on my knees and hiding my face in my hands. The sound of murmuring voices from the office aggravated me; what were they still talking about? Why didn't I get to hear anything?
I felt – more than heard – someone walk over, sitting down in the chair next to me.
"Emmett is driving the girls home." It was Jasper. I didn't respond, so he kept talking. "Emmett feels bad."
"Of course he does," I groaned into my hands. "All he ever does nowadays is feeling bad."
"Yeah," he said with a sigh. "He is going through some shit."
I let my hands fall and turned my head to him.
"Are you fucking kidding me?" I asked incredulously. "Are we seriously gonna talk about Emmett and his problems right now?"
Jasper smiled sadly. "You'd rather we talked about yours?" he asked.
"You think you're so smart, huh?" I muttered, glaring at him.
He shrugged lazily, slumping down in his seat and clasping his hands on his stomach.
"Meh, I try," he said, half-smirking at me.
I huffed, leaning back and turning my head to him.
"Wanna do me a favor?" I asked him.
"Of course," he said, nodding without any hesitation.
"Drive me to La Push."
He sighed deeply and I prepared myself to hear him tell me how that was a stupid idea and that he couldn't help me. I prepared myself to hear him protest in every way possible.
That was why his next words surprised me.
"Okay," he said, pulling out his keys from his pocket. "Let's go."
x
We got in Jasper's car, and we drove off. The tension in the car was palpable and there were a million things I wanted to say. This was such a fucked up situation and I felt like shit for pulling Jasper into it.
"Thank you," I mumbled.
He glanced at me, the corner of his mouth lifting. "No problem. I don't want any harm to come to her either." He sighed, frowning a little bit as he glanced at me again. "She'll be alright, don't worry."
"How can you be so sure?" I asked.
"Because she's a fighter."
"What makes you say that?" My voice was empty. There was no life left. I leaned my head back against the headrest, turning to look at him.
"Because she fell in love with you of all people. It takes a fighter to put up with your shit and you know it," he replied simply.
"Maybe she's just masochistic," I muttered, remembering back in the early days of our tentative friendship where I had wondered what exactly her deal was. How she could let me touch her scars like that, when other people weren't even allowed to see them.
"Makes for an interesting sexual relationship," he said with a smirk, nudging me with his elbow.
I sighed and closed my eyes. All I could see was my Sparrow.
"She'll be alright," he said again, this time his tone was a little more subdued. A little more serious.
"How can you be so sure?" I asked again, feeling aggravated that he kept feeding me the delusions that it might all turn out alright in the end.
"Because hope is the last thing that will leave you," he replied as the real life fortune cookie that he was.
Hope.
I suppose that was what it all came down to.
"I guess I have nothing left to lose then," I replied just as my phone started vibrating in my pocket. I pulled it out and an irrational flash of hope surged through me. Sparrow?
I looked at the screen, feeling the hope fade. Of course it wasn't Sparrow.
It was my dad.
I sighed deeply before answering. "Hello?"
"Edward? Where are you? I thought I told you to wait outside," Dad said, his voice a mixture of emotions.
"I'm with Jasper, we're… just driving around. I need to clear my damn head," I said, not really lying. We were just driving around and I neededto clear my damn head.
"I want you at home, son. Right now. I know you're upset, but I really need you to go home." He punctuated every word, as if it was of upmost importance that I went home right this very minute. I glanced at Jasper.
"Yeah, sure, I'll be right there," I lied before hanging up.
"Your old man?" Jasper asked and I nodded.
"He wants me home."
"You want me to turn around?"
"Fuck no," I said. "We're going to La Push. I need to speak to Leah."
"Okay, but if they're watching the borders, we need to find another way in," he pointed out.
I groaned. Damnit, I hadn't thought of that.
He suggested we'd park the car on an off road, a few miles from the border, and then walk through the woods, pass the border and enter Hell – I mean, La Push. It sounded as a good idea in theory – I guess we had both forgotten all about the snow and the freezing cold. Luckily, the woods were thick so there wasn't that much snow to walk through; only a few inches was covering the ground.
We walked in silence for about ten minutes. I was silently thinking that it was probably a good thing that there was some snow on the ground – that way we could follow our steps back if we got lost.
"Eh… Jazz? Do you know where we are?" I asked, chuckling nervously as I realized I had no sense of direction whatsoever. For all I knew, we could be well on our way to Port Angeles.
He looked at me and snorted quietly.
"You think I would suggest this if I didn't know what I was doing? C'mon, give me some credit, will you?" he said.
"If you say so," I muttered.
We continued walking in silence and I tried not to think about… well, anything. I tried not to think about what I might find out. Or what I wouldn't find out.
My phone vibrated again in my pocket, I pulled it out looked at the screen before denying the call from my father. I sighed and trudged after Jasper, trusting him that he knew where we were going.
Out of nowhere, I stumbled on a tree-root, hidden by the snow.
"Shit," I hissed as I fell forward, landing on my knees in the cold snow. I groaned at the shooting pain, cursing that I didn't react fast enough to cushion the blow with my hands. I dragged my hands through my hair, pulling at it as if that would help. Jasper turned around and looked at me wide-eyed for a fraction of a second before he stepped over, crouching in front of me.
"You alright?" he asked, putting a hand on my shoulder.
I squeezed my eyes shut. It was all too overwhelming. The shooting pain in my knees. The searing pain in my chest. The knowledge that Sparrow might be lost forever. All because I had to take a fucking leak.
Or was I just too fucking horny and I used the need-a-leak as an excuse so I wouldn't jump her right there on that bench, making her as impure as me?
That thought depressed me.
I didn't want her to be as impure as me. I didn't want her to be impure at all. My Sparrow would always be pure to me – even if she let me have sex with her, I would never consider her to be impure. She was perfect. Fucking perfect.
"She's fucking gone." My voice was barely audible to my own ears, so it surprised me that he heard me at all. He was quiet for a moment; I could feel his eyes on me.
"Ed, you can't take the blame for this," he said quietly, squeezing my shoulder. "I know you want to, but you can't. We don't have time to deal with your self-blame right now anyway. We need to get to La Push. We need to find Bella. The longer we wait, the longer it will take before she's safe. Every second counts, right? So, let's keep walking. We can talk on the way."
I squeezed my eyes shut, not making any motion to stand up. I just sat there, trying to block it all out. As if that would change reality. News flash – it didn't!
"Trust me," Jasper continued when he realized I wasn't going to move, "the irony of this situation isn't lost on me either."
That statement confused me, so I looked up at him with a frown. "What?"
"This," he said, gesturing to nothing in particular. "You are blaming yourself for all of this, but as I remember you refused to blame yourself for the accident that brought you here in the first place. Funny how that stuff works out, huh?"
"Probably because the accident wasn't technically my fault," I muttered. "This, however, is."
He smirked darkly, shaking his head. "Oh, no you don't," he said almost as a threat. "This is not your fault, and I know you, Eddie, you are blaming yourself for the accident now too. It just took you a while to get there. And honestly? That shit has to stop. Blaming yourself won't help you… or her. So quit feeling so damn sorry for yourself and pull yourself together."
I narrowed my eyes at him.
"I'll keep that in mind the next time Alice gets kidnapped by a crazy sect who wants to drink her blood and marry her off to a fucking mutt," I said.
Jasper rolled his eyes, standing up from his crouch and holding his hand out to me.
"C'mon, let's save your girlfriend. I think I'll let her give you this lecture instead. I figure she's the only one who can get through to you when you're like this," he said. "You won't listen to anyone else."
I took his hand, letting him pull me up. "Maybe because she's the only one I love," I spat.
"Oh, dude, I'm crushed." He put a hand to his heart all dramatically. "I thought we shared something special!"
"Oh, fuck you," I muttered. "Are we going or what?"
"Yes, let's go save your girl. The sooner she can kick some sense into you, the better," he said as we started walking again. "Emo is not a good color on you."
I snorted. "You know what would be a good color on you? My fist in your fucking face if you don't shut the fuck up."
He looked at me from over his shoulder, smirking. "You couldn't take me even if you tried."
"Don't tempt me, Whitlock."
"I wouldn't dare, Cullen."
x
A few hours later, we finally spotted civilization through the woods. If you could call La Pushcivilization that is – since there was nothing civil about those people. We didn't leave the woods right away, we stopped so we could make a plan.
"I don't think we should enter the town," Jasper said. "It's too risky considering how you left things when you went to school here. People know who you are, and they probably know why you're here too. Do you have Leah's number? Maybe we can call her and ask her to meet us here?"
We looked at each other, and I could tell that the ridiculousness of our plan occurred to us at the same time.
Her fucking phone number. Why the fuck didn't we just call her right away instead of walking through the woods for hours? That way we would have been safe from getting caught in La Push, and we could still get the information we needed.
"We're idiots," I said as he chuckled darkly.
"Yeah, we are. I guess this is what you get when you get too caught up in the bigger picture to see the details," he said with a sigh. "So, let's call her now then."
"I don't have her number, but I can probably google it… depending on whether or not this shithole gets any damn service," I said, pulling out my phone and sighing in relief when I noticed the three bars signaling that I did indeed have service.
I opened the internet app on my phone, preparing to Google her. Before I got anywhere, though, I groaned in frustration as I realized I couldn't remember her last name.
Fucking details.
Was it something with sea? Water? Seawater? Sewage? I sighed and turned my head up and looked at the tree tops as I tried to think – Jasper gave me a weird look.
"I can't remember her damn last name," I spat, as if it was his fault.
"Wow, you guys must have been really close then," he joked.
"Seriously, fuck!" I literally stomped my foot in frustration as I racked my brain for her name.
Water. Wet? Wetfield? Wetwater? Darkwater? Lightwater?
"Clearwater," I said, sighing in relief as I punched in her name in the search box. A couple of moments later, I had her address and her phone number on my display. I didn't waste any time before calling her, pacing in the snow as I waited for her to pick up.
"Hello?"
"Hey, this is Edward… eh… Cullen, remember me? We used to make fun of your ex," I said, chuckling nervously. Why the fuck was I nervous?
"Oh, yeah, Edward, thanks for reminding me. It's so hard to keep all the Edwards straight. There are so many of you with a prize on your head," she replied sarcastically.
"Yeah, yeah, that's all good," I replied impatiently, rolling my eyes. "But I need your help. Like, right fucking now."
She was quiet for a moment, before sighing deeply. "What do you need?"
"I need you to come meet me in the woods."
"That sounds… safe." I could almost hear the eye roll in her words.
"I'm serious, Leah," I said, my voice unnecessarily needy. "I'm in the woods, near the main road. I can see two red-brownish houses from here."
"With a windmill in the backyard?" she asked.
I strained to see, and yep, there it was. A tacky fucking windmill, moving softly in the light breeze.
"Yeah," I said.
"Then I know where you are," she said.
"So, you'll meet us?"
"Why don't you come down here instead?" she asked.
"What?"
"Look toward the backdoor," she said simply.
I did as she said, seeing her standing by the door, leaning casually against the doorframe and waving discreetly.
"You alone?" I asked.
"Yeah," she said, "and I have a feeling the reason I'm alone is the reason you're here." I didn't like the sound of that, she must have sensed that too, because she said, "Come down, I'll explain it all."
I nodded, hanging up and turning to Jasper.
"Her house," I said pointing. He nodded, following me down the slight slope of the woods, down to her backyard. She was waiting for us by the backdoor. She gave me a sarcastic smile. I hadn't expected anything less. She was one bitter, bitter girl.
She let us in, and I quickly introduced her to Jasper. They just nodded at each other as we walked into their very tiny living room. Jasper and I sat down on the couch while she took the recliner across from us. I let my eyes wander the room and I tried not to cringe at all the obvious artifacts related to their Quileute ways that cluttered the room.
"I thought your family wasn't crazy?" I blurted without thinking.
Leah raised an eyebrow at me. "Excuse me?"
"This," I said, gesturing to nothing in particular, "I thought your family wasn't crazy?"
"My family doesn't take the legends literally, like other people do, but that doesn't mean my family isn't a part of the community. My dad is in the council."
Jasper cleared his throat. "Ed, a word of advice? If you want someone to help you, maybe you shouldn't open with insulting her family. Alright?"
He gave me a pointed look, but it felt like he was trying to tell me something else than his words. I rolled my eyes and Leah leaned back in her chair, looking pleased.
"So, Edward Cullen, what can I do you for?" she asked.
I sighed. "They took her, and I want her back. Help me," I said simply.
"And by her, you mean Isabella Swan," she said, not making it a question.
"Yes."
She sighed and pulled her leg up, tucking it under her. "Well, I can begin to tell you that she's not here in La Push." These news didn't surprise me, but I didn't say anything. "And from what I hear it's not about binding her to Jacob anymore. There have been a few secret meetings between the crazies, and from what I hear… they're done."
"Excuse me for asking, but how would you know? I mean, if they're secret and you're not into this?" Jasper asked, his voice calm and polite, but his eyes cold.
"Well, I have a brother. He's been recruited and he's a believer. He's been a part of these secret meetings, and he tells me stuff… well, not really. But he keeps notes, so I've been keeping myself updated," she replied simply.
"And what do you know about Bella?" he continued, suddenly taking over completely.
"I know that they have been planning to take her. But I also know that the reason they want to take her isn't because they want to bind her to Jacob anymore, well, at least not now. Their main priority is to… well, to be blunt, they want to brainwash her."
"Too late," I muttered.
"What do you mean brainwash her?" Jasper asked, ignoring my comment.
"They want to turn her into a believer. She needs to be a believer before the council can officially accept her as a member of the Quileute community. They thought she was a believer during the last ritual, since she was such good friends with Jacob, but apparently not. Once it got out that she's dating you," she gave me a pointed look, "they realized they had a problem."
"And how exactly are they going to make her into a believer?" Jasper continued.
She shrugged. "I'm not an expert on brainwash, so I have no freaking idea. But I figure they'll lure her just like they lured my brother. It's all about tempting and scaring with the right things, and not overdo it. It's a fine line to walk. And if they do it right, they'll get to her eventually."
I groaned and hid my face in my hands. "Why can't they just let her go?" I asked, my voice muffled by my hands. I let them fall to my lap and I looked at her. "Why the fuck is she so important to you people?"
Leah tilted her head to the side, sighing and looking at me as if I was a complete moron.
"Because she is missing piece in the Black Swan legend," she said. "If she doesn't get together with Jacob, then the Black Swan won't rise and our people will be doomed." I could tell she tried very hard not to roll her eyes. She thought it was all ridiculous – and I did too, obviously – but this was not an eye-rolling matter, considering my girlfriend was in the middle of it all.
"I'm not following," Jasper said. "Why would your people be doomed?"
"According to our very old book of legends, the existence of the Black Swan will either grant us with eternal happiness and health… or, utter destruction. Basically, Isabella holds the future of the Quileute community in her hands. And they need to get her on their side before she turns eighteen, or else they're all screwed. According to the rules of imprinting, the bonding rituals always has to take place after the imprints has turned fourteen, but not after they've turned eighteen. So basically, we have a window of four years to find our imprint if we want to be bonded to them."
"So when she turns eighteen… she's fair game for anyone to grab?" I asked.
"Yep," she confirmed, nodding.
This was the best news I've heard all day – well, apart from the news of Sparrow loving me. All I needed to do was to keep her safe for another few months – when was her birthday anyway? As boyfriend I should have known this, but I didn't.
"I guess I just need to keep her hidden from them until then. Piece of cake," I said, leaning back in my seat.
Leah shook her head, sighing. "Yeah, that would be a great plan, if you had her," she said pointedly.
Damnit.
Jasper patted my knee and turned to Leah.
"So, where is she?" Jasper asked.
"Not here," Leah replied.
"Yeah, we already figured that since they're watching the borders," Jasper replied, sounding annoyed. "Do you have any idea where they might have taken her?"
She frowned, and I half-expected her to shake her head, but instead she semi-shrugged.
"I can't be sure, obviously, but I'm only assuming they're not gonna take her back to her house. So maybe they're took her someplace Dwyer has access too," she suggested.
Dwyer? Why did that name sound so familiar?
"Who the hell is Dwyer?" I asked.
"You don't know? Geez," she said, rolling her eyes. "What the hell do you know? Dwyer is the all-mighty doctor, he's-"
"God fucking damnit," I cut her off as the word doctor triggered my memory. "Phil!" I turned to Jasper who looked at me confused. "Phil! He was there the night they cut her. He was there to take her mother to the insane asylum in Seattle. He was the one to fuck up the records when Bella was first admitted. I know it because I heard my dad mention him! Fuck. It was him! Of course it was him! He took her! The cops are on the lookout for her mom and her dad, and the borders are under surveillance… it was him! Dwyer took her!"
"Okay, good, this helps," Jasper said, nodding. "This helps a lot." He looked at Leah. "Has he been staying here? What else do you know about the guy?"
Leah opened her mouth to reply, just as my phone started vibrating again. I sighed and pulled it out of my pocket, looking at the display.
"Damnit, it's my dad," I muttered, sighing as I pressed the green button before putting the phone to my ear. "Yeah?"
"Edward, where the hell are you? I told you to come right home," he said, sounding frustrated.
"What's it too you? I'm getting some shit done, alright?" I snapped back.
He was quiet for a moment before he found his voice again, this time it was low and anxious. "Please tell me you're not in La Push," he said.
"So what if I am?" I asked, trying to sound nonchalant.
"Edward. Please, get out of there as soon as you can. You cannot stay there. Okay? Listen to me, those people are dangerous. You need to leave right this minute, alright?" he said, talking slowly and carefully.
"Don't worry," I said. "I'm with a friend."
"In La Push, you have no friends," he replied.
I looked up, meeting Leah's gaze.
"I'm pretty sure I do. Not all these people are crazy you know," I said. Leah's lips twisted into a dark smirk and I felt my stomach drop.
"Get out of there, Edward," Dad pleaded again. "Please!"
An unmistakable sound of a gun being cocked behind me.
"I think you should hang up now," someone said from behind me. I turned my eyes to Jasper, seeing him frozen in place. "It's time to make my girl a believer."
I slowly turned around, dropping the phone on the floor, facing the gun being pointed straight at my head. Then ever so slowly letting my gaze wander upward to the face of the person holding the gun.
"She'll never be your girl," I growled as I met Jacob's gaze.
"You sure about that?" he asked, smiling darkly. "It's like Leah said, it's all about luring her with the things she wants the most and promises that her deepest fears won't ever come true."
"Leah, how did they manage to brainwash you?" I asked, my eyes never leaving Jacob.
Leah laughed lightly, and I heard her get up from her seat. She stepped around the couch, standing next to Jacob, and then pulled up her sleeves. They were cut and scarred and fucking disgusting.
"I trusted you," I growled.
"And there's where you made your first mistake," she said with a sinister smile, putting her hand on Jacob's arm. "Let him go, Jake. He's nothing to us. You got the girl now. He doesn't. So, let him go."
Jacob cooked his head to the side.
"Nah, I'm not feeling it," he said. "I want this dude to suffer. Killing him is the obvious choice here, but killing him won't make him suffer. That would be too easy. I want him to wish he was dead. I want him to experience the pain of losing someone he loves to someone he hates. I want him to see me with her. I want him to see me kiss her. I want him to hear her say she wants me and only me. I want him to hear her say she loves me."
"No brainwashing in the world would ever make her want to spend more than a few seconds in the same room as you, let alone love you. You really are fucking crazy!" I snapped.
"Edward. Shut. Up," Jasper hissed. From the corner of my eye I could still see he was sitting completely still. I turned my head to him, suddenly feeling brave because I was pretty damn certain that Jacob wouldn't shoot me.
Not because he said he wanted to see me suffer, but because I didn't think he had it in him even if he wanted to anyway. Jacob was all talk and no action. He was a kid wearing shoes too big. He was harmless, even with a gun in his hands.
"C'mon, Jazz, what's he gonna do?" I asked.
Jasper narrowed his eyes at me.
"Yeah, what am I going to do?" Jacob mocked. "I'm just the dude with the gun. No mind me."
Jasper sighed and turned slowly so he could look at Jacob. He slowly stood up and Jacob followed his every movement. "Listen, if you really love Bella, then why would you want to hurt someone she loves? Don't you want her to be happy?" He was talking calmly, holding his hands in front of him in a very submissive position, as to acknowledge that Jacob had all the power.
"She used to be happy… with me! Then he happened and destroyed her!" Jacob snapped.
"I didn't destroy her! I kept her from killing herself. I've kept her alive for the past month and a half. I fucking saved her and we love each other. Why can't you just fucking accept that? Why can't you let her go?" I asked, slowly standing up during my little speech and when I was done I was standing tall.
Jacob's hands on the gun were shaking, and he pointed it at Jasper, before pointing it at me, before pointing it back at Jasper.
"You don't know what you're talking about," Jacob said through clenched teeth, glaring at me.
"Don't I?" I asked.
"Shut. Up," Jasper hissed at me again. "Don't say another word."
I decided to ignore him.
"You guys almost killed her and you know what's the worst part of it all? She never understood why until afterward! She didn't understand why the hell she was being cut and drained for. She didn't understand! If you really loved her so much why didn't you just explain to her what you guys wanted to do? If you really loved her, why couldn't you tell her that you wanted to go through a fucking bonding ritual so you could be together forever? Why didn't you tell her? I'll tell you fucking why: because you knew she didn't love you like that. She wasn't in love with you. Not even close. And she'll never be. And that's why you didn't explain to her what you wanted to do to her, because you know she wouldn't have agreed. She would have run for the hills. She'll never love you again, not even as a brother. You ruined her and now you have to live with that. She loves me. And she'll be mine fore-"
"Fuck you, Cullen," Jacob cut me off as he pulled the trigger.
The sound of gunfire made me stagger back in surprise. My ears were ringing and I couldn't hear anything but my own breathing.
He actually pulled the trigger. It all felt so surreal. Dreamlike.
Shit felt fucking foggy.
"Jake, what the fuck did you just do?" Leah yelled, cutting through the silence.
I stared at Jacob who looked back at me with fear written all over his fucking face.
He hadn't meant to do that.
He hadn't meant to do that at all.
I turned my eyes to meet Jasper's.
My heart dropped.
"Oh fuck."