Disclaimer:I don't own these characters, I just play with them. This story is rated M, and is not suitable for younger readers. Story contains violence, coarse language and sexual "situations". Please do not read if any of these things offends you.
Note: [Unbeta'ed! – all errors are mine ] Please note: I've taken huuuuuge creative liberties in this chapter, especially when it came to medical stuff. I hope you can suspend disbelief long enough for see it for what it is – fiction.
Chapter 54 - "Reaction, part 2"
Edward Cullen POV
"Give it to me."
"No."
"It's mine."
"Well, I saw it first."
"What are you, five?"
"No."
"It's my right to get it sinceI'm the one in the hospital."
"Low blow, Sparrow. Low blow."
I handed her the pudding cup with a sigh, and she smiled victoriously. She removed the plastic lid, handing it to me so I could put it on the side table. I watched as she dug the tiny, plastic spoon into the creamy liquid, and then bringing it to her mouth.
"Mmm, delicious," she moaned with a mouth full of pudding.
I stared at her lips as they closed around the spoon for another mouthful and I made a whiny noise. She brought the spoon back down to the cup, and I took my chance to crash my lips to hers. I practically forced her mouth open and shoved my tongue inside, playing washing machine as I swirled my tongue around. She was too surprised to comprehend what I was doing at first, and then I could almost feel her sigh into the kiss.
If this could even be considered a kiss.
Probably not.
I leaned back, smacking and licking my lips. She gave me an annoyed look.
"You're right, it was delicious," I agreed and she rolled her eyes.
"You're disgusting," she said, before bringing another spoonful to her mouth. "You do realize you just ate something that had been in my mouth? You actually took it from inside my mouth," she added with her mouth full.
"Yeah, so?" I asked, shrugging. "You do realize that every time we make out, shit from my mouth goes into yours and vice versa? Pudding is no different from spit, if you think about it."
"Shit from your mouth? What the hell have you been eating while I've been gone?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.
"I don't know, but you must have been eating a bucket full of attitude," I replied, smirking at her as I leaned close to her. "And I can't say that I mind that shit." I kissed her gently, feeling the taste of pudding on her lips. She was persistent in not letting me enter her mouth again, so I leaned back with a pout. She was seemingly unaffected by it. She just continued eating her pudding like nothing was wrong.
She kept reminding me with small things like that - as if I even needed a reminder - that she was indeed so very different from all the other girls I'd been with. Another girl would have fallen for my fake pout, and given in to my every demand just to make me happy, but not Sparrow. She wasn't as cheap as all the others were. She didn't buy shit. She saw right through my charades.
Which was exactly why I loved her so much.
That, and the fact that she was stronger than any other girl - or person - I had ever met.
It was now noon on January 2nd, she had spent the past two days in the hospital. To say that I had left her side even once would have been a lie of epic proportions. I was hit with the anxiety from hell every time I needed to go to the bathroom. I was always afraid that I would come back to an empty room – even though I used the bathroom that was connected to her hospital room.
I had felt like such a pussy when I woke up yesterday, the morning after she got back. I had needed to take a leak real fucking badly, but I just couldn't leave the bed. My arms had been wrapped around my Sparrow, who was sleeping soundly, and I couldn't let go. I remembered the last time she was with me, and I left her to take a leak. I remembered exactly what had happened then. I knew it was irrational to think it was going to happen again – in a damn hospital at that – but I still couldn't help the feeling.
Eventually, when I couldn't hold it any longer, I woke her up and asked her nicely if she could sing a song, or just talk loud enough for me to hear, while I was in the bathroom. She didn't question me about it, because I could see in her eyes that she knew exactly why I asked. I could also sense that the separation – how miniscule it may be – was going to be an issue for her too.
So for the past two days — one and a half if you were being nitpicky — that had become one of the things we did. Every time either of us needed to use the bathroom – we talked through the door. Ridiculous? You bet. But it was a small price to pay for some peace of mind.
It was obviously one of the things we would have to deal with in therapy – which both my dad and Bella's doctor had pointed out to us. Even her caseworker, Kate, pointed it out. She was a little nicer about it though, she wasn't as straightforward as my dad was or the other doctor had been. I guess she was the only one who was smart enough to realize that we weren't fucking stupid, and we knew that the way we were dealing with shit right now wasn't healthy.
We had been told that Bella would be seeing her newly appointed therapist on Monday morning, so to say that she was nervous would be an understatement. Maybe that was where some of her attitude was coming from now. As soon as she had regained some of her strength yesterday, her attitude had changed as well. I loved that the fire in her was returning, but I also felt bad for her for getting so easily annoyed and upset. I asked Dad about it, and he said that it was to be expected, and that there was nothing wrong in the way she behaved. Her frustration was expected, and it would have been odd if she wasn't.
It's not like I blamed her though. It was clear that she didn't want to go into therapy any more than I did, but I also knew that she wasn't stupid. She knew she needed it now. There was no fucking way that she could deal with all that shit that happened on her own – not even with me helping her. How the hell would I even begin to help her anyway? This was so far beyond my abilities; it was fucking ridiculous.
My girl brought me out of my musings by holding out a spoonful of pudding.
"Forgive me?" she said, smiling.
I wrapped my lips around the spoon, enjoying the pudding.
"I love you," I replied, my voice gurgly as I hadn't swallowed the creamy mush yet.
"Low blow, Edward, low blow," she joked, as she handed me the rest of the pudding. I looked at it confused and she smiled. "How can I deny you pudding when you say stuff like that?"
I leaned in to kiss her quickly, before shoving the rest of the pudding into my mouth, so she wouldn't get any time to change her mind. She rolled her eyes in amusement and I grinned as I swallowed the rest. It was fucking delicious – especially considering it was hospital shit.
I threw the cup and spoon away in the nearby trashcan – hitting it perfectly. I almost wanted to do a fistpump for having such awesome aim, but instead I just curled closer to my Sparrow, and wrapped my arms around her. She snuggled closer to me and sighed.
"You should go home," she said suddenly.
"What?"
"You need to take a shower," she said, wrinkling her nose.
"I took a shower yesterday," I argued.
"Yeah,here. I'm sure you've been wearing the same clothes for days now… and frankly, sweetie, you're starting to reek," she said, smiling apologetically.
I groaned. "But… fuck... I don't want to leave you."
"I don't either," she said. "But we can't stay attached at the hip forever. Look at it as a trial run of sorts. Eventually, we'll need to be separated for more than few minutes at a time, we might as well get used to it."
"Why the hell for? I don't mind being attached to your hip… or your lips for that matter. Especially when they taste like pudding." I leaned in to kiss her again, trying to distract her, but she put a finger to my lips pushing me away.
She gave me a pointed look. "Are you being difficult just because you can?"
"No, I'm being difficult because I don't think I reek, so I have no fucking reason to go home and change my clothes… besides, if I really stink I'm sure there is some scrubs or hospital gown I could we-" I cut myself off as I realized what the hell I was saying. This was starting to get ridiculous. I sighed deeply. "Fine, maybe you're right."
"Yes, maybe I am," she said. "So why don't you run home and take a shower, change your clothes, and run back here as fast as you can? Just because I'm right, doesn't mean I want to be apart from you any longer than I need to be."
I stroked her cheek, then tracing her lip with my thumb.
"If we get naked, we wouldn't need to worry about stinking up any clothes," I murmured.
She chuckled lightly. "You're an idiot."
"No arguments there," another voice said. We both snapped our heads to the doorway, seeing none other than my dear brother standing in the doorway with a grin so wide it should have cracked his face by now.
"What are you doing here?" I asked, a little angrier than intended. I didn't like it when people interrupted my time with her. It was as if I was trying to soak up as much Sparrow as I could. I didn't want to share her time with anybody. One week away from her was more than I could handle.
"I was just visiting Jasper, and he wanted some alone time with his girl, so I decided to bug you guys for a moment instead," he replied.
"And you don't care that you might be interrupting something?" I asked.
"I've been watching you guys for the past few minutes, and I'm pretty sure I'm not interrupting a thing," he replied simply.
"Creeper much?" I asked.
"What? It's not like you weren't completely Disney. You were totally PG rated," he said with a smirk. "I'm impressed, little bro, I must say. Who knew you had so much self-control?"
"You're an ass," I muttered.
"Whatever," he said, stepping into the room. "I heard what your girl was saying, and I was heading home anyway for a quick bite, I can give you a ride if you want."
I groaned and looked at Sparrow. She looked back with innocent eyes. Whatever she was feeling, she was hiding it pretty damn well. I didn't like it when she hid from me.
"Go," she urged. "I'll be here when you get back."
"Promise?"
"I promise. As long as you promise to come back as soon as you can."
"You won't even have time to miss me, Penguin," I replied.
"I find that hard to believe since I'm already missing you," she teased.
I leaned in to kiss her, deciding to really make it worth it. Lips sucking, tongues dancing, saliva exchanging. It was fucking perfect. We both got totally lost in the kiss, her hands gripping my hair and my hand holding her neck. We didn't get in touch with reality again until Emmett cleared his throat loudly.
"Are we going or what? If you continue with this shit we will have to fade to black if you guys intend to keep the PG rating," he pointed out.
"Fine," I sighed, kissing her chastely, before climbing out of bed. I all ready missed the heat from her body. "I'll see you soon."
"I will count the minutes," she said quietly. I smiled sadly at her before reluctantly following Emmett out.
We walked in silence to the elevator, and he didn't open his mouth until we were inside, and the doors had closed.
"Co-dependent," he fake-coughed.
I didn't dignify that with an answer, I just wanted to go home, change my damn clothes, and get my sorry ass back here before I had any time to develop any anxiety. It was frightening how much it hurt to leave her. I knew she was safe in the hospital - I knew she was safe from the crazy people. Period. Yet that still didn't help with the anxiety. I kept worrying that there was some aspect we were overseeing. Maybe we had forgotten about something.
Emmett tried to make small talk to me on the ride home, but I barely paid any attention. He eventually gave up on trying keeping up a conversation with me - since I clearly wasn't contributing any.
Both our parents' cars were parked out front when we got home, and I was yet again reminded that Dad hadn't told us the whole story yet. He said he wanted to wait until Sparrow was better, and for some reason I couldn't care less if I ever heard the true story or not. I had my Sparrow, the bad people were getting what was coming for them, and everything was fucking peachy.
Why dwell on the past?
We walked up the steps to the house, and Emmett made a beeline for the kitchen. I walked into the living room, from where I heard my parents' voices. They stopped talking as I walked in. Mom smiled softly at me.
"Well, well, well, isn't it the lost son," she teased, but her voice was slightly off. "I thought we had lost you forever."
"She said I reeked, so I have to take a shower and change my damn clothes," I explained. "I will head back as soon as I can." I glanced briefly at Dad, flinching slightly at the agonized look in his eyes. "What the fuck happened now?" I asked, feeling a wave of dread preparing to wash over me.
"I just got the call," he said. "They found the body."
My stomach dropped, and the dread disappeared, being replaced by sadness and emptiness.
"When? Where?" I asked.
"His body washed up this morning on First Beach. Sam Uley found him."
"Fuck," I muttered. "Do you know what killed him?"
"There were visible signs of multiple gunshot wounds, but the rough waters had mangled his body too much for us to be certain that was what killed him," Dad replied.
"When do you plan on telling Bella?" I asked. "She already knows her father is dead, she could use the closure." I dragged my hands through my hair. "Damn it, she's practically a fucking orphan now."
"The people of La Push are currently doing everything in their power to gather as much evidence against Dwyer and Renée as possible to give to the feds, and Paul is looking specifically for evidence that Dwyer killed Chief Swan," he said, avoiding my question.
"Is there any chance that they will get away with this?" I asked. "That they will walk free?"
Dad shook his head. "There is too much evidence, and quite a few people from La Push have stated that they will testify if needed. The case against Dwyer and Renée is growing more solid by the day," Dad assured me.
"What about that fucktard Jacob?" I muttered.
Dad shared a look with Mom, both looking uncomfortable by the mention of Jacob.
"He's getting the help he needs," Dad replied vaguely.
"Fuck that, he should be in jail."
"He's just a kid, Edward," Mom interjected.
"A kid that almost got my girlfriend killed!" I snapped. They didn't argue with me, and I sighed. "What-the-fuck-ever," I said. "I'm going to go take a damn shower now so I can get back to putting my girlfriend back together. So if you'll excuse me."
I turned on my heel and stomped towards the stairs.
If Jacob came out unscathed through this mess, I would fucking kill him myself.
He deserved nothing better.
x
I had planned to take the quickest shower in the history of showers, but it turned out to take longer than that. Once the warm spray hit my body, I couldn't help but relax and just stand there. It was so much more comfortable showering in your own damn bathroom than in the hospital. I washed my body, massaging the shower gel over my tired muscles and I groaned at how amazing it felt. I guess I hadn't realized how stiff I really was. I spent most of my time curled up next to Sparrow in her hospital bed - which was uncomfortable to begin with - so I guess it had taken its toll on my body.
I finally got back to the hospital two and a half hours later. I had decided to bring the bird book with me, so we could look at it together. I hadn't touched it since Christmas morning. I felt almost giddy when I exited the elevator on Sparrow's floor, and walked through the hallway to her room. A smile was already forming on my lips as I pushed the door open to announce my arrival. But the smile faltered when I noticed that the bed was empty.
I immediately went to the bathroom, knocking on it.
"Sparrow? You in there?"
Nothing.
I swallowed back the bile in my throat, trying to smother the feeling of panic that was rising.
I had nothing to worry about. She was here. Somewhere. The people who wanted to hurt her were locked up and they wouldn't even get past the security in the hospital anyway. Nobody could take her.
So where the hell was she?
I walked out into the hallway - dropping the bird book on the bed on my way. A nurse excited one of their supply closets and she yelped when I grabbed her arm.
"Where's Bella Swan?" I asked.
She looked down at my hand on her arm, then at me.
"The last time I saw her, she was being escorted to her friend," she said. I gave her a weird look before I realized what she was saying.
Jasper.
"Thank you," I told her quickly before I jogged down the hall to Jasper's room. I didn't even bother to knock before I entered.
Bella was sitting in the visiting chair, hugging her good leg to her chest, while Jasper was standing by the window, looking out. They both turned their heads to me when I walked in.
"Give me a fucking heartattack why dontcha," I snapped at Sparrow. I walked over to her and she tilted her head up as I pressed my lips to her forehead.
"Sorry," she mumbled.
I sat down on the bed and looked over at Jasper.
"How's it going?" I asked.
"Good," he said, nodding. "I can finally move around. They're letting me go home in a couple days."
"Will you be able to go back to school right away?" I asked.
"They could always try and stop me. There is nothing worse than being stuck in bed all day," he said. I smirked and he narrowed his eyes at me. "Get your mind out of the gutter."
"What? I didn't say anything?" I said, holding up my hands in defense.
"No, but you were thinking it."
I snorted.
"Kate visited me while you were gone," Sparrow said, looking at me.
"Yeah?"
"Apparently there have been some issues with my fostering. The Webers doesn't want to take me in again."
"Why the fuck not?" I asked.
"Probably because I'm damaged and they don't want to have to deal with the risk of me going psychotic," she replied, shrugging as if it wasn't a big deal at all.
"What does that mean exactly?" I asked. "I mean, in terms of your living arrangements. You can't be stuck here forever."
"The doctors said that I was healing remarkably well considering all the trauma my body has been subjected to over the past few months. Basically, I can leave whenever." She smiled softly and I couldn't help but smile in return. "Which leads me to another thing… I'm finally getting the cast off tomorrow."
I gaped at her. "What? Seriously?"
"Yes, seriously. I will have to wear a supporting brace whenever I'm out and about, but other than that, I'm free from that prison."
"So your leg is…fine?" I asked.
"No, I wouldn't say it's fine, but it's fine enough. As long as I don't try to run around or do jumping jacks or stuff like that, I'll be fine."
"This is some fucking good news, Sparrow," I said, smiling widely. "I can't wait to be able to hold your hand when we walk together and shit."
Jasper made a snorting-laughing sound.
"Please remind me to tell Emmett you said that," he said. "We've been waiting for the day when we could finally give you shit for being such a pussy."
I flipped him the bird and turned my attention back to Sparrow.
"So… living arrangements," I said again. "Where will you end up?"
"I don't know yet," she said. "Kate is working on it, and she said I could stay with her again if I wanted to, but I'm not sure. I want to go back to school, and going back and forth to Port Angeles every day is not something I look forward to."
"Maybe I can have my parents talk to the CPS or whoever is in charge of this shit, and have you live with us?" I suggested.
"I… I might have suggested that to Kate already," she said, sounding embarrassed. "And she may have made some valid points as to why that wouldn't be such a great idea." She nibbled on her bottom lip and rested her chin on her knee. "She also told me that my application for emancipation was declined, so I can't live alone. Apparently, I was not the strongest candidate after all."
"So what are you going to do?" I asked.
"I don't know."
I reached out my hand to her, and she took it without any hesitation.
"We'll figure shit out, we always do," I assured her.
She took a deep breath, smiling sadly.
"All I know is that tomorrow, after I've gotten my cast off, I want to talk to your dad," she said. "I also want to talk to whoever is in charge of the investigation. I want my therapist to be present too, because I want to know everything what's been going on, and what's gonna happen now, before I can even think of going into therapy. Because, how am I ever going to process what happened if I don't know what happened?" She inhaled deeply, seeming to relax after her rant as she breathed out.
"Do you want me there too?" I asked.
She nodded. "I need you to hold my hand. I have a feeling I won't take the story all too well. Having you there will make things easier."
"I'll talk to my dad later, and let him know so he can have it all arranged. He said he didn't want to talk to you until you had gotten better, and I think that time has come now. He might not agree, but he can't avoid this shit any longer. I don't fucking know what he's so afraid of, what the hell is he hiding?" I asked, almost to myself.
"I don't know," she said, shaking her head. "But as of tomorrow, there won't be any more question marks. We'll know, and we can finally move on."
x
I kissed her knuckles as she squeezed her eyes shut, then peeking through one of them.
"He's gonna cut it off," she said seriously. "He's gonna misjudge the thickness or something and he's gonna cut off my leg all together."
I chuckled and kissed her knuckles again.
"Don't worry," I murmured, my lips against her skin. "If they cut off your leg, you can have one of mine."
"That's so cute," she said sarcastically. "Just want I want. A hairy man leg."
"I'm pretty sure your leg is going to be hairy no matter what," I pointed out. "No shaving in two months? Yeah, your leg will be a damn forest."
"Get bent, Edward," she muttered.
I laughed and held her hand to my chest as the doctor - who Sparrow had appropriately named Dr. Carrot - prepared whatever had to be prepared before he removed the cast. She squeezed her eyes shut again as Dr. Carrot turned on the small electrical saw that would help him remove the cast, and I smiled as she squeezed my hand. I watched as the saw effortlessly cut through the plaster, and in mere moments, he had made a vertical line from top to bottom. He turned off the saw, and then gently pushed apart the cast. It cracked and left a space wide enough for him to remove it from her leg. He put it aside and I stared at her leg in astonishment. It looked so weird. So thin and small and… Fuck. Another scar.
"Has he amputated me yet?" she asked, still squeezing her eyes shut as if her life depended on it.
"Yep, it's all gone," I said with a sigh. "Hairs and all."
She peeked at me with one eye.
"You suck," she muttered, then turned her eyes to her leg where Dr. Carrot was now rubbing in some lotion of sorts.
"How does it feel?" he asked her. "Can you move your foot for me and wiggle your toes. Tell me if you sense any discomfort."
She wrinkled her nose, but did as she was told, moving and wiggling. There was no sign of distress on her face.
"It feels a little weird, but no pain," she said.
"That's good," he said, before stepping away to retrieve some weird looking thingy, with a long, flat plate and thin straps. "This is your supportive brace," he explained to her. "As you can see, it's small and it won't be noticeable under your jeans or pants. I want you to wear this for at least two days every time you're up and walking, so your leg can adjust to not being supported by the cast any more. Okay?"
She nodded, and he proceeded to show her how to put it on and how to remove it. It looked easy enough.
Once it was back on, I helped her off the examination table and she tried to put a little weight on her leg. She bit her lip, as she tentatively took a step forward. Almost as soon as she tried to put some weight on her leg, it buckled and I flew forward to catch her before she hit the ground.
"Easy there," Dr. Carrot said when he noticed. "The muscles in your leg are weak, and you'll need physical therapy to regain your strength."
She groaned, probably frustrated at the prospect of having to spend more time at the hospital because of her damn leg. Dr. Carrot helped her adjust to the new situation, and eventually she was able to take a few steps without wobbling. Yes, she had a limp, but at least she wasn't forced to use her crutches anymore.
Eventually, we were done, and we could leave. We still had two hours to kill before the meeting with my dad - he had finally agreed to go through with it. I guess he realized he couldn't hide anymore. The longer he waited, the worse it would get for him.
Sparrow and I decided to head back to her room and just hang out for a while before the meeting. I lounged on her bed, smiling as I watched her walking around. It was fascinating. With every step she took, she grew a little more confident. She quickly learned just how much pressure she could put on her leg.
I was like watching Bambi.
My smile faltered.
"How are you feeling, Sparrow?" I asked softly.
She looked at me, a sad smile gracing her lips. She shrugged as she slowly stepped over to the bed.
"I… I have my moments," she confessed. "I try not to think about it."
I sat up, swinging my legs over the edge so she could step in between them. I put my hands on her hips and pulled her closer. She wrapped her arms around my neck, and just stood there looking at me.
We hadn't talked much about what we had happened during the week she'd been gone. I was honest with her and told her that I wasn't sure I could handle hearing it, because it would only fuel the fire that was already raging inside me. The fire of guilt that told me that I could have prevented everything from happening if I hadn't left her alone like that.
We never got into details; we mostly talked about how we coped.
My heart swelled in my chest every time she said that the way she coped was thinking of me. For someone else it might be cheesy, but for us it was true. She said so herself, I saved her life when I hit her with my car. If we had never become friends, she wouldn't have had a reason to fight.
It's weird how destiny works sometimes.
"I hope you can find somewhere to live around here," I said. "I don't want you to move away… it would be a bitch to sneak out in the middle of the night to see you, and have to walk all the way to Port Angeles for it… it would take me a week."
"Not unless you learn how to drive again, then it would only take you an hour," she said, cupping my face in her hands and stroking my cheeks with her thumbs.
"Well, that would be a piece of fucking cake if I was even able to get near a car without fainting like a little girl," I replied.
"You're being too hard on yourself," she said with a sigh. "Maybe you've just haven't had the proper motivation to deal with it. Because… well, to be honest, you haven't even tried to deal with it, have you?"
"I have and we both know how that ended," I replied in annoyance.
"Maybe it would help if… well… I was there? I'm not saying I'm the solution to all your problems, I'm just saying that… erm… maybe it can have a positive psychological effect if I'm in the car with you?" she asked.
"And that way I know you're not on the road in front of me, waiting to get run over?" I asked for clarification.
"I know, it sounds stupid… I was just thinking out loud," she said, half-shrugging.
"It's not stupid, I appreciate you worrying… I promise I'll get working on it. I'm sure Dr. Randall has some ideas for it as well. I can't wait to hear those," I replied, rolling my eyes at the last statement.
"I hope you do," she said. "Because I can't wait for you to pick me up and take me out on my first real date."
I looked curiously at her, and was almost about to argue with her when I realized what she said was true.
"I never did take you out, did I?" I murmured.
"Not unless you count Christmas Day… but that didn't feel like a date. Granted, I have no idea what a date feels like, but still… shouldn't it include a romantic dinner and a movie? Maybe some… I don't know…" she trailed off, blushing and biting her lip.
"I'll take you out on a date, Sparrow. I will rock your world," I promised her. "The day will be so fucking perfect that no other dates will ever be able to compare to it."
"We really did go about this all backwards, huh," she said, smiling sadly. "We're together, but we haven't been on a date… and we hated each other before we got together… isn't the hate reserved for when we break up?"
"Meh," I said, shrugging. "I figured we get hate hate out of the way so we wouldn't need to break up at all."
"High school relationship never lasts," she said. "I don't expect you to feel this way for me forever."
"Nothing is forever, Sparrow," I replied softly. "We only have today. Who the fuck cares what will happen next? The future doesn't exist, because it hasn't happened yet, and it never will, because all we'll ever experience is the present, and that's what we should be focusing on."
She laughed awkwardly. "I think you lost me."
"It's in the past."
I leaned in to press my lips to hers and she hummed in response.
All we have is the present - and what a mighty fine present it was.
x
I tried to give Sparrow a reassuring smile, but I was pretty certain it came out as a grimace. I guess I cared more about this than I thought I would. As I had fallen asleep with Sparrow in my arms that first night, I figured that I didn't care anymore about what had been going on behind our backs. I didn't fucking care what shady business my dad had been involved with, or what he was hiding from me - from us. All I cared about was that Sparrow was finally back. She was finally safe. We were together. That was all that mattered. So how come I was suddenly all nervous? Why was I afraid of what he was about to tell us? Nothing he could say could be worse than what we had already experienced, so maybe I was just blowing it completely out of proportion in my head.
Whatever it was that he had to tell us, it couldn't be bad. He just had to explain to us why he kept us in the dark. I'm sure he had his reasons, even though I might not agree with them in the end.
I raised Sparrow's hand to kiss her knuckles - I did it more for my sake than hers.
We were currently sitting in Dad's office at the hospital, and we were waiting for him to arrive. Since it was a Sunday, Sparrow's new therapist hadn't been able to make it in for the meeting, and since she didn't want to wait we decided to do it without him. So the only ones present would be Sparrow, my parents, Kate and myself.
I avoided looking at my mom at all cost. For some reason it felt like she was about to stab me in the back as well. She must have known that something was going on, and she kept it from me. That made her no better than my father.
Finally, Dad arrived. He gave us all an apologetic smile as he closed the door behind him and sat down behind his cluttered desk.
"I assume we all know why we're here today," he said, being his usual redundant self by pointing out the obvious. "I know that you two want to know what's been going on, and I will try my best to answer all your questions."
He gave us a tightlipped smile, and it was clear that he didn't want to do this.
Either that, or he was constipated.
"Kate will also help fill in the blanks where I'll be unable to do so, since she has been in contact with the feds, so she could be updated on the investigation for Isabella's sake. I am sure Isabella has questions about her parents," he said, his voice softening the slightest bit as he mentioned her parents, and I hated that he called her Isabella, since he knew that she preferred Bella. By calling her Isabella he was putting distance between them, as if he didn't want to get emotionally involved in all this. This was just another case for him.
Bella pretended as if she didn't even hear it, instead she just squeezed my hand between us and looked down at her lap.
"Before we start, I want to make sure that Bella knows that if she doesn't want to stay, or if she for some reason needs to leave the room, she can do so without anyone questioning it. Alright?" Kate said, taking Bella's other hand, since she was sitting on her other side.
"Yes, of course," Dad said, nodding. "If anything gets too uncomfortable or intense, feel free to shut us up." He chuckled awkwardly at his sad attempt to light things up.
"I might tell you to shut the fuck up just for the hell of it," I replied sourly, as it was clear that this was not a time for stupid jokes, especially when they landed flat.
"Edward," Dad warned, his jaw clenching in frustration.
"Whatever," I huffed, rolling my eyes. I was beyond being afraid of him now.
"Now that we have that cleared, let's get on with it," Mom intervened gently, trying to smooth things over.
I felt Sparrow tense next to me, and I raised her hand to hold it over my heart. I resisted the urge to just pull her into my lap and hold her.
"A few weeks ago, Bella was reported missing from her home. Her mom was hysterical and her dad was worried," Dad began, as if Sparrow and I weren't even in the room. Whom was he even addressing? Kate? She knew this shit already too. "The morning after she disappeared, Edward came to the hospital for his first meeting with his therapist, Dr. Randall, but we never got that far. Instead he told me how Bella was currently in his bedroom..."
"Yes, Dad, I was there. Why don't you tell us something we don't already know?" I asked.
"I'm getting to that," he replied calmly. "As I was saying, she was in your bedroom. Later you told me the most horrendous story of what had happened to her. Abuse in all its forms, which she had been living in secret with for months. I've been fascinated by the culture in La Push, and I knew they were strong believers in their legends and history, but I never thought they were taking it this far. I will admit that when Bella was first admitted to the hospital following the car accident, I was curious about her scars. They didn't follow the same patterns as the ones that usually occur when a teenager is harming herself. I knew there was more to the story than Bella being a cutter." He took a deep breath. "I made a few notes in her journal, pointing out that her scars weren't those from someone who had hurt herself; they weren't made by her hand. But I never reported it further."
"Why didn't you? Why didn't you fucking do anything if you were so damn certain she wasn't doing it to herself?" I asked, irritated. "Why did you keep letting her suffer?"
Dad sighed and shook his head. "I don't know, son. I was convinced that it didn't lie in her best interest for me to get involved in her case, considering the accident. My judgment for anything related to Isabella would have been questionable. I didn't want to further complicate things."
"Well, then you could have just asked for a second opinion," I snapped. "You could have asked someone else to confirm what you already knew! It's your fucking fault it went this far."
Dad clenched and unclenched his jaw a few times, staring down at his clasped hands on the table. Nobody said a word for a few moments. Everybody was waiting for him to respond to my accusation.
"I don't think he meant it," Sparrow said quietly. "I can see where he's coming from."
I looked at her, meeting her gaze.
"What are you talking about?" I asked.
"Don't you see? In a crazy, screwed up way he was basically protecting you. He didn't want to get involved in my case because he didn't want it to look like he was picking sides… which you were always accusing him of already. Why fuel the fire, right?" she said, half-shrugging.
"No, that doesn't explain it at all," I said, shaking my head. "He could still have reported it, giving the case to someone else to take care of. Instead he just brushed it under the rug, hoping it would go away. Hoping that you would go away."
"If I may intervene," Mom said, and we all looked to her. She looked embarrassed at the sudden attention. "I just want to point out that it's no secret that this hospital is awfully understaffed. They do their job the best they can under current circumstances, but sometimes some things slips through the cracks even though they don't want to. Even at the best of hospitals, mistakes are made and people get hurt."
"That's not a fucking excuse," I snapped. "It's things like that that makes people want to sue your asses for malpractice or some shit. Hey, Kate, can Bella sue the hospital? Get some money out of her misery?"
Kate didn't look even remotely surprised at my question.
"Technically, yes, I supposed she coul-" she began, but I didn't let her finish.
"Good, make it happen. Sue the hospital for her," I told her, leaning back with a huff.
Kate sighed. "Yes, I'll get right on that," she said, placating me with sarcasm lacing her tired voice. "Can we continue now?"
"As Esme pointed out," Dad continued, "we are understaffed, but there are no excuses for my behavior in this case. I suspected that Bella's scars weren't self-inflicted, but I made the conscious decision not to report it. Even though I didn't immediately suspect abuse, I still should have reported it. Kids and teenagers get themselves into all kinds of trouble these days. They do stupid things, and we have all seen how some kids take the term blood brother to a whole new level. Cutting themselves and blending their blood."
I wanted to yell at him and tell him that he had just been looking for an excuse, but before I got any air in my lungs - he beat me to the punch.
"I was looking for an excuse," he continued. "I knew Chief Swan, he was a kind man and his wife was always friendly. I subconsciously used that as an excuse for not suspecting abuse. If I had found bruises, it would have made sense. That type of abuse is not uncommon, but parents who cuts their own children this way? Well, that's a whole other story altogether. Which was a scenario I never even ventured into."
He looked at Sparrow, so he could address the next part to her directly.
"I made a mistake, Bella. I know I did. I let myself be blinded by what I thought I knew, instead of seeing what was right in front of me. I've been a doctor for over twenty years, I know that just because people pretend to be the perfect parents, doesn't mean they are. It's all just a mask. And just because a certain type of abuse is uncommon, doesn't mean it doesn't happen. Who would have thought that the Chief's wife would be participating in sect like rituals? I never made the connection to abuse, probably because I didn't want to, and for that, I am sorry."
Sparrow didn't answer, she kept her eyes down, not looking at anybody. I couldn't see her face, since her hair was concealing it from me. I didn't like that.
"I didn't make the connection to what was really going on until a girl was brought to the hospital from La Push," he continued. "Her arms were so severely infected after so many cuts that we almost had to amputate her arms to keep the infection from spreading — and she immediately reminded me of you."
"Emily," Sparrow mumbled, making the connection.
"Yes, it was Emily. Her cousin Leah came to visit, and broke down in the hallway. I took her to my office where she told me everything. That was when I realized this was bigger than some kids playing brotherhood. This was bigger than your average abuse as well. Thanks to Leah, I got the information I needed to put everything together."
He continued to tell her what he had already told me - how he had been investigating Dwyer's work for the past couple of months, how he had discovered that he snuck out drugs. How Leah had told him that Dwyer had worked on many of the girls from the reservation, when their cuts got infected.
"Sadly, there are no journals or trace of him ever treating the girls. Leah's word is all we got on that point," Dad said.
"Why did it take so long for people to get involved?" Sparrow asked, almost too quietly for even me to hear - and I was sitting next to her. "If you put two and two together weeks ago… why did… why did…"
She couldn't finish her sentence and I pulled her chair closer to mine so I could put an arm around her. My other hand was still clasping hers to my heart.
"The night I was rescued… the man carrying me said that you had broken the law, that you might lose your license… even end up in jail… why?" she asked, saying every word slowly, as if she wasn't really sure where she was going with it. I frowned down at her, before looking up at my dad. What she had just said was news to me. She hadn't mentioned any of this to me.
Dad smiled sadly. "When I suspected abuse, I didn't report it. I didn't even report the cuts as not self-inflicted. When a doctor suspects abuse, he has to report it. It's against the law not to."
"But is that enough to get thrown into jail?" I asked dubiously.
"It's considered gross misdemeanor," Kate chimed in. "In the state of Washington, that's enough for him to be sentenced to pay a hefty fine, and worst case scenario end up in jail for up to a year."
"Fuck, I knew it," I said, chuckling humorlessly. "Not only can she sue the hospital - she can sue your ass too," I told my dad.
"Edward, can you please stop being so crass?" Sparrow asked, finally looking up at me. Her eyes were glossy with unshed tears, and I realized she was closer to breaking apart than I thought.
And we hadn't even gotten to the hard stuff yet.
"Sorry," I mumbled.
"Do you have any further questions regarding that particular subject?" Dad asked, making it clear that he didn't really want to talk about it.
"No, but I would want to know what will happen to the people of La Push," I said, figuring that Sparrow probably would like an answer for that as well. "Please tell me they will all be thrown into the deepest pit of hell."
Kate turned to us in her seat, making a point to address us and not my parents.
"From what I've been told, which frankly isn't much since the subject is still under investigation, they have applied for a court issued warrant to investigate on the reservation, for suspicion of further cases of child abuse amongst other things. The people directly involved in the incident on New Year's Eve were all taken into custody. The people they have currently in custody include Renée Swan, Phillip Dwyer, Susanne Clearwater and Hank Amun. Thanks to the video footage they got from that night, they have a very solid case against them, along with the fact that the crime took place on Forks territory, and not in La Push as they thought."
"And my dad?" Sparrow asked quietly.
"His body washed up on the shore of First Beach yesterday morning. Sam Uley reported it," Dad replied bluntly, and I cringed. Kate had come by the hospital last night and told Bella this, so she already knew.
"Oh," she said, her shoulders slumping. This wasn't news to her, but I guess she had subconsciously wished that Kate got it wrong, and that it was just another lie the fuckers had told her to keep her cooperative. She was wrong.
"Which leads us to another thing," Dad said. "We got the results back this morning on the DNA test we took when you were brought in here. We can say with absolute certainty that Phil Dwyer is not your father."
Sparrow's shoulders shook as she snorted. "I could have told you that already," she muttered. "Charlie was my father. He might have been blind as a bat when it came to his daughter, because he loved his wife more, but he was still my father."
I leaned over and pressed my lips to her hair, wanting to comfort her the only way I knew how.
Dad sighed and scratched his neck. It wasn't often you found him so lost.
"I tried to make things better, trying to help by getting involved with the aid of Leah. She didn't like what was going on any more than I did, but she also didn't want her people to get in trouble since this was a part of their legacy after al-"
"Please, stop," Sparrow said, her voice shaky. "I don't want to hear about La Push. I don't ever want to hear another thing about those people. I don't care if they were brainwashed. I don't care if they consider this their religion. I don't care if they found the cure for cancer. I simply. Do. Not. Care!"
"Fair enough," Dad said. "Is there anything you dowant to know?"
"I want to know who got shot," she replied almost instantly. "When I was rescued, I heard two gunshots. I want to know who got shot."
"Phil tried to run, so they tried to shoot him. They didn't hit him, but it was enough to scare him. He tripped and they caught up to him," Kate explained.
Sparrow furrowed her brows, nibbling her lip as she pondered something.
"What is it?" I asked her, when she had been quiet for too long.
"I'm trying to understand what I heard…" she replied, not sounding too sure now as she turned her head to my father. "I'm… my mind might have been fussy, but I'm certain I heard whoever was carrying me say you broke a law or two… they made it sound like you were in serious trouble for what you had done… but I don't understand. Was that all about not reporting what happened?"
Dad sighed. "I purposely withheld information that Leah provided me with, keeping it from the proper authorities. I could go on and on about all the things I've done wrong, all the miniscule laws I've broken in order to keep people safe. I wanted to save people, and that included the innocent people who got hurt in La Push. I got in over my head, thinking I could help more than I actually could, and now I'm paying for it."
"What did you do?" I asked him, narrowing my eyes.
"I might have repeated Dr. Dwyer's mistake, but sneaking out drugs in order to help a girl to fight off a serious infection."
"This is un-fucking-belivable," I said, shaking my head. "What happens now?"
"I'm currently on probation for the remainder of the investigation," he replied. "I'm stuck with doing paperwork for the time being."
I leaned back in my chair.
"I guess you're not the perfect doctor after all," I noted.
"Far from it," he replied, looking me straight in the eyes.
"So this is what you get when you get too close, huh?" I continued. "Do you regret it?"
He glanced at Sparrow, then at me.
"Do you?"
I smirked at him, knowing what he was referring to. Did I regret getting too close?
"Not even for a second," I replied, squeezing Sparrow's hand and holding it closer to my heart.
He smiled softly. "Neither do I."
x
The meeting winded down after that, Sparrow asked a few questions about what was going to happen to her mom. She asked what the odds were that they were going to get out of it, without any repercussions. Kate reassured her to the best of her abilities that both Phil and her mom would get what was coming for them. There were several things they were being charged for - murder being one on Phil's list. There was no way they would get out of this one, not even the best lawyer in the world could help them now - especially not with all the evidence piling up against them.
Sparrow was free and safe, and I think she was beginning to realize that when we went back to her room.
"I'm safe," she said, walking to the window to look out. "It's different this time. I feel… lighter. There isn't an ominous grey cloud hovering over me anymore. It's weird… different."
I stepped behind and wrapped my arms around her. She leaned back against my chest.
"Tell me more," I murmured in her ear. "Tell me how safe you feel."
She relaxed in my arms.
"Mom is locked up in a place where she's being watched by armed guards twenty-four-seven. As is Phil. They wouldn't even be able to begin to try to escape from there. Soon, they will be sentenced for all the things they've done, and they will be locked up with even more guards and security to hold them. No judge in the world would grant them their freedom. They have footage, they have proof, they have witnesses. Mom and Phil are… completely done for."
"Do you believe that?" I asked, my lips still by her ear.
She took a shuddering breath. "I have to."
"No, you don't have to do a fucking thing," I corrected her. "If you don't believe it, you don't need to pretend like you do. You are free to feel and think whatever the fuck you want, nobody is going to punish you for it. We're not those people, we won't hurt you."
"I love you," she whispered.
I chuckled. "Nobody is going to punish you for that either, loving me in the first place is punishment enough," I joked.
"You're an idiot," she said with a content sigh.
"I won't argue with that," I replied with a smile. "But I do love you too."
"Which makes you an even bigger idiot. Our love doesn't make any sense."
"Love rarely does… or so I've heard," I replied.
She turned her head to the side, tilting it up so she could meet my gaze.
"You know what I want to do?" she asked.
"No, what?" I asked. "Anything you want, and we'll do it."
"I want you to make me as dirty and impure as you can."
I gaped at her in surprise - I thought she was going to say that she wanted another snowball fight or some shit, maybe finally take a walk sans crutches. But instead she wanted me to… what?
"Eh… come again?" I asked, my mouth going dry.
"What they did to me this week, it all came down to one simple thing… sex. Phil claimed that I wasn't a virgin, and that was why they had to purify me. I mentioned this to Kate yesterday, when you were home taking a shower, and she said that he might have been judging my virginity like people did in the past. Too see if my hymen was intact."
I wrinkled my nose. "Hymen… really, Sparrow? That's probably the unsexiest word I've ever heard you say."
"Would you let me finish?" she asked, slightly annoyed. "My point is, I am a virgin. I know for a fact that I am. But Phil let the absence of an intact hymen decide it for me. They didn't even care to listen to me. So in their eyes, I'm already a dirty whore, basically. I always will be. So I might as well act the part."
"Hymen… dirty whore… seriously, Sparrow," I said shaking my head in disapproval. "Soon you will be saying that you want it up the ass."
"I wonder if that would have been considered impure," she muttered dryly.
"Listen to me," I said, grabbing her chin and making sure that she was looking at me before continuing. "I will make love so sweet to you that you will be asking me why we haven't been doing it all this time. But I can't do that until I know you're well enough to understand and handle the consequences. I know I've been a pushy motherfucker, that I've been relentless in my quest to get inside of you but I… I just can't fucking do it unless I know that you're doing it for the right reasons. Sleeping together just because to prove a point to those fuckers is not what I consider a good enough reason. I want you to make the choice to sleep with me, and let me be your first, because you want me to be, not because they think I already am."
She smiled sadly at me, reaching out to cup my cheek with her hand. I leaned into her touch.
"I've been thinking about it a lot, Edward. Even before Christmas. I want you to be my first. I can't think of anyone better suited for the job than someone I love. I want to… I want to try to be normal for you, and for me. Having sex might complicate things, and I'm not denying that I will have issues after it's all said and done… but I think that's a low price to pay for giving you the only thing I can only give once. I want to sleep with you."
I leaned forward, to rest my forehead against hers.
"We've been through this before, Sparrow." I mumbled. "You have no fucking idea how long I've waited for you to say those words and really mean them, but I… I fucking can't. I still believe you're doing it for the wrong reasons. You're still doing it to prove a point, and I don't want that shit hanging over our first time."
"You're being such a girl, Cullen," she murmured teasingly.
"I know I am, that's because you've stolen my balls and kept them to yourself." I sighed. "Okay, how about this… let's… ease up to it? We don't have to have sex, there are other things we could do… I mean… I can't say that I was opposed to what you did on Christmas Day… nice gift by the way. You blew me away."
"Pun intended?" she asked.
"Definitely… besides, do you remember what happened last time I even came close to your underwear? You thought you were ready, but you weren't, so you freaked out. I don't want to be subjected to that again unless I can prevent it. I think easing into things might be the way to go here."
"You sound like Kate," she sighed.
"And you sound like me. You want to get better with immediate results. You don't want to fucking wait, even though it's the obvious choice of path here. We need to wait, I'm not going to risk to traumatize you further."
"I just want to be normal."
I laughed dryly. "Normal is overrated. I like my birds freaky."
"In bed?"
I smirked. "You're going to be the freakiest, I can tell already. When we finally get to it, feathers will fly and we'll both be bruised all over."
"I can't wait."
I pressed my lips gingerly against hers, then smirking again.
"Neither can I."