Disclaimer:I don't own these characters, I just play with them. This story is rated M, and is not suitable for younger readers. Story contains violence, coarse language and sexual "situations". Please do not read if any of these things offends you.
Note: [Unbeta'ed! – all errors are mine ]
Chapter 55, "Open, part 1"
Isabella Swan POV
Adjusting. That was the best word to describe my new way of life. I was adjusting - to everything. Nothing was as it once was, and not only did I have to adjust to how things were now, but I also had to accept it. Some things I simply could not change.
My shrink said it was normal for me to dwell on things, and blame myself for the series of events that brought me to this point. I didn't care that it was normal - why would that make me feel better? I knew I wasn't normal in the bigger scheme of things, so was I supposed to be happy that I was having a "normal" reaction to what had happened to me?
I thought not.
It had been two weeks since I left the hospital; half of January had already passed. School had started up again, but I had yet to go back. There had been too much going on so I hadn't really felt up for it yet. They said I was allowed to change schools if I wanted to - especially considering my new living arrangements, but I said no. I was not about to change my life even more. Forks High was the only thing constant in my life - thanks to a certain boy who went there as well.
Both Edward and I went to therapy twice a week now - not together though - and even though my shrink was good, I found myself opening up more to someone else in my life.
The one who took me in when the Webers decided that they didn't want me as a burden to their family again.
Kate.
Kate had been quick to offer me a permanent place to live - with her - when it was clear that the Webers didn't want me. I didn't need to think twice before accepting her offer. I didn't want to end up at some other random home; I didn't want to subject myself to the risk of having to be thrown between homes. Kate wanted to take me in permanently, and who was I to argue with that? She had done nothing but help me ever since I'd known her, and I trusted her almost as much as I did Edward. She had that aura about her that made you trust her. You just knew she was a good person.
I was lucky that the people in charge listened to me when I said that I wanted to live with her, and that they took my wishes into consideration when they made the final decision. It didn't take long for the appropriate papers to be signed, and for all intents and purposes Kate was now my guardian. They couldn't take me away now… well, I guess they could, somehow, but that was not the point.
The point was that I finally had a real home. With Kate. In Port Angeles.
Kate and I had discussed the option of me transferring to a school in Port Angeles, but I had refused. I didn't want that to become another change. If I didn't go to school in Forks, I wouldn't be able to see Edward as much as I'd liked - especially since he still had issues with cars. He couldn't just take a spontaneous drive over here, so I didn't mind having to drive myself two hours every day - to and from school - to see him.
Another adjustment I never thought would be so major was walking without my cast. I had grown so accustomed to my cast that it was a well in-grained reflex to reach for my crutches, every time I needed to walk anywhere longer than a few feet. I always felt stupid when I realized I didn't need them anymore. Every time I did this, Edward noticed. He always chuckled and shook his head, as if he found it funny. I resisted the urge to slap that smirk off his face every time.
I was just about to put some laundry away - when my phone vibrated in my pocket, signaling that I had received a text. I plopped down on my bed, pulling the phone out to read the message.
"Did you know that the mute swan is the heaviest flying bird?"
I snickered silently to myself at his text. He shouldn't be texting me since I knew for a fact that he was in class right now.
Also, this had become a daily thing he did. Every day he would quote me some random fact from the bird book I gave him for Christmas. I was both happy and surprised that he actually read the book - and not only saw it as a symbol for our relationship. I was just waiting for the day when Edward would take up bird-watching as a hobby. He was becoming quite the expert on birds.
"Are you calling me fat?"I texted back.
I laughed when I got his reply not ten seconds later.
"Don't even go there."
"That's not a no."
"Why did the chicken cross the road?"
I rolled my eyes and smiled in amusement at his ridiculous attempt to change the subject by making a stupid joke.
"I dunno? Because it was bored?"
"No, because it wanted to hang out with his Sparrow on the other side."
"So now you're a chicken?"
"According to Emmett, I'm a pussy. But that's beside the point."
"I guess that settles it then."
"Settles what?"
"I'm wearing the pants."
It took a few minutes before I received another reply.
"I miss you."
I sighed, my heart clenching. "I miss you too."
I turned my head, smiling sadly to myself as I spotted the stuffed whatever-it-was, where it laid next to my pillow. It was a gift from Jasper. I didn't know what it was, but I assumed it was an animal of some sort even though it didn't have any eyes. Jasper said it was an eel, but I wasn't so sure. When Edward had seen it, he immediately shot his eyes to Jasper and then asked him if he thought he was being funny. Jasper had just nodded and smirked, saying that he was. They didn't explain to me what that was about, but I guessed that I was missing out on an inside joke.
I was missing out on a lot of things.
I hadn't seen Edward in three days, and it was seriously starting to mess with my heart. I was kidnapped and tortured for a week - yet, three days without him now seemed like an eternity. I put a hand to the top of my chest, finding the crystal sparrow that lay there. I clasped it in my hand, trying to find some strength.
God only knew I needed it.
x
Monday morning. A start of yet another week. I tried to stifle a yawn long enough for me to take a sip of my scolding coffee from my travel mug. Kate threw me an amused glance.
"Tired?" she asked.
"You have no idea. I guess I didn't realize I would have to start getting up at the crack of dawn just to get to school on time," I muttered as I yawned again.
Kate was driving me to school. It was my first day back, and I couldn't be dreading it more. The only upside was that I was finally going to see Edward again. Now it had been five days since I last saw him, and it was becoming unbearable. We had planned to go see a movie in Port Angeles on Saturday, but the plans fell through when his father decided that they were going to have a family dinner. Apparently, there were some things that needed to be discussed.
Edward had called me later that night, and we had spent well over three hours on the phone. Edward had not been a happy camper, and neither was I after he told me what his father had said. Dr. Cullen wanted to relocate the entire family to Chicago - and leave the entire mess he made behind him in Forks. He wanted to ruin the lives for all of them just because he couldn't stand to be reminded of what he did - or didn't do, in this case.
I was worried, of course, that Dr. Cullen would get his way, but Esme wasn't having it. Edward told me that the one throwing the biggest fit during dinner was his mom. She wasn't going to move anywhere, she said, and she was most definitely not moving her children when they were so close to graduating anyway. Edward only had roughly a year left - and Emmett would be graduating in June.
I guess this was just another thing for me to pile on the things I needed to worry about.
"I noticed that you still haven't opened the letter," Kate said, interrupting my thoughts.
"I noticed you still haven't thrown it out," I replied dryly.
"I'm pretty sure it's illegal to throw other people's mail out."
"Well, it didn't come in the mail, now did it? And why would I want to read it anyway?"
"Why wouldn't you want to read it?"
I snorted. I didn't have a better response than that.
Two weeks ago, when I was finally leaving the hospital, Kate gave me a letter. The envelope only said "Bella", but I knew that handwriting, so I knew whom it was from.
Jacob.
I hadn't asked what happened to him, mostly because I didn't want to know, but Kate told me anyway. Obviously, she couldn't go into details since he was a minor and she wasn't assigned to his case or whatever. It's not like I wanted details anyway. Kate told me he had been taken to a facility in Seattle, dealing specifically with teens suffering from mental issues and delusions, as well as kids with a past of abuse. He was brought there for an extensive evaluation of his psyche. I guess he needed it.
He had written me a letter, and somehow gotten it to Kate who was asked to deliver it to me. I didn't want to read it. I didn't want anything to do with him, but I had yet to throw the letter out. It was as if I wanted to torture myself with it. As long as it existed, his words would too.
Maybe I just wasn't ready to hear or read -as the case may be - what the hell he had to say. Maybe, on some level, I did care, and maybe I was scared. I didn't want to read it just to find out that he wouldn't forget about me, and that he would hunt Edward down when he got out or something.
As Forks High came into view, I glanced at Kate, catching her glancing at me as well.
"What are you thinking about?" she asked.
"Nothing… just stuff… Edward… I don't know… it's complicated."
She smiled and reached out to pat my knee - but not in a condescending way. Nothing Kate ever did was done in anything other than out love and concern.
"High school relationships always are, trust me. I had dozens."
"Are you trying to tell me you were a floozy?" I asked.
"Not even a little bit," she replied with a chuckle as she pulled up the schools parking lot. "But the guys didn't know that until it was too late."
"Poor guys," I noted.
"Indeed. Have a great day, Bella. I'll pick you up later, but if you have a change of plans and want to meet with… well,friends after school, just call me so I know."
"Will do, thanks," I said, nodding. "Bye."
I got out of the car and she drove off. I tried to put my brave face on, but it was hard. People were looking at me, whispering like always. I bet the rumor mill was going crazy with the talk about what had happened. I knew that The Forks News had been all over it. This was the most interesting thing that had happened to this town in years.
I spotted the owner of the familiar head of bronze-colored hair, and any anxiety I had felt earlier washed away immediately. He was standing together with Jasper and Rosalie. I was glad to see that Jasper was there too, it must mean that he was getting better. Although, I knew that the doctors had recommended him to take it easy for another week. I guess he wasn't one to listen to recommendations anymore than I was. Or maybe school didn't count.
Jasper spotted me first and he smiled as he nodded at me. The gesture caught Edward's attention and he turned his head, meeting my gaze without even having to search for me.
He was moving toward me before I even had any time to register the look on his face.
"He's gonna kill her," I heard someone say.
When Edward reached me, he put his hands on either side of my face before leaning his head down and pressing his lips to mine so fast I barely had time to take a breath. He moved his lips with mine, and I became putty in his hands.
My hands, on the other hand, found their way up his chest, to his neck and toward his mess of hair. I gripped it at the back of his head, holding him in place as I opened my mouth. His tongue snuck out and touched mine and I moaned quietly at the sensation.
If being away from him for a few days meant this kind of reunion, maybe it was worth it.
I snorted inwardly. No. Nothing was worth having to spend any time at all away from him. I wanted to spend every waken second with him. I wanted to spend every second sleepingwith him too - no, that was not an innuendo.
He let go of my face and wrapped his arms around me instead; practically molding us together.
"Hey, bro, get a room!" Emmett's voice filtered through into our bubble, and I chuckled into the kiss as I opened my eyes. I pecked Edwards lips a few times, before pulling away just enough for me to meet his gaze.
"Wanna get a room?" I asked teasingly.
"Mmm, don't tempt me, Sparrow," Edward replied huskily, leaning his forehead against mine "I hate that you make me all human and shit. It's unnerving, and its cramping my style," he muttered, rolling his eyes at himself as he stepped away. He took my hand in his as we walked up to the school. I was still adjusting to my new, fairly noticeable limp.
"I'm cramping your style? You'rethe one holding my hand," I pointed out to him.
"I can stop if you'd like," he said, dropping my hand immediately.
I snorted, before hugging his arm and clasping his hand in mine. He looked down at me and smirked as he pulled the door open for us.
"I so own your ass, Sparrow," he said, sounding smug and playful.
"You do," I agreed, his playfulness contagioud. "But luckily for me, I don't need it, since I own yours."
Then I did something that surprised even me. I reached around and pinched his butt.
He jumped in surprise and then stared at me as if I had completely lost my mind.
I was pretty sure I had.
Being playful with words was one thing - pinching his butt in a crowded hallway was another.
"Did you just pinch my ass?" he asked so loudly I was sure the entire school heard him. Maybe I was just imagining it, but I was sure his words echoed in the hall, making me hear them over and over. I felt my face flush with a million shades of red. God, what the hell did I even get up in the morning for? Please, Earth, swallow me whole.
"I…I… I'm sorry?" I stuttered.
He looked even more incredulous at that, before shaking his head.
"Feel free to pinch my ass any time, Sparrow. Like you said, it's fucking yours. Do with it as you please. Pinch it, snuggle it, kiss it…" He trailed of suggestively as he licked his lips, and I swallowed nervously as he leaned closer. "As long as I'm allowed to do the same to yours."
"I… I… sure?" I replied shakily, and yelped when he returned the favor by pinching my butt. I slapped his arm. "That's not funny!" I complained.
"I'm just returning the favor," he said, smirking like the bastard he was.
"I hate you," I muttered.
"No, you don't. You love me," he said, still smirking as he put his arm around my shoulders, pulling me to his side as we continued walking down the hall. People were staring even more now; I was sure they had heard every single word.
How humiliating.
Suddenly I felt his lips against my temple and when I looked up, he was smiling softly at me.
"You know I'm just kidding around, right?" he asked quietly. I sighed and nodded.
"Yes, I know… I just… I don't know what I was thinking. I didn't know if that was alright," I replied just as quietly.
"If you haven't noticed, Sparrow, were not hiding anymore. Were not hiding our relationship. So feel free to do with me whatever the hell you want. I couldn't give a rat's ass, as long as you're happy." He kissed my temple again. "And if pinching my ass in a hallway full of people is what you want to do, and makes you happy, then go ahead and do it. It turns me on."
I tilted my head up, and he got the message as he leaned down to press his lips gently to mine.
"I love you," I murmured.
"It's mutual," he replied.
x
I hated my schedule, because I wasn't going to see Edward until lunch. My class right before lunch was cancelled, so I had nothing better to do than catch up on some schoolwork in the library. Luckily for me, the work wasn't all that hard, although it gave me quite some time to think and dwell about other stuff. So maybe I wasn'tallthat lucky.
"Playing hooky?"
I looked up from the books, smiling at Jasper.
"No, are you?" I asked.
"Substitute teacher," he said, and I nodded in understanding. He didn't need to elaborate. The substitute teachers we got here were jokes. I wondered if they even know what classes they were supposed to teach, instead of letting the students do what they wanted, like roaming the school. Jasper wouldn't even be busted for it.
He pulled out a chair and sat down next to me. He cringed when he saw the pile of homework in front of me.
"I guess being busy getting run over, kidnapped and stuff makes the homework pile up," I said with a shrug.
"Want help?"
"Nah, I got it. It's not as bad as it looks."
"So did Edward tell you about our master plan yet?" he asked.
"You have a master plan?"
"Yeah, we were thinking of going to Port Angeles and eat out tonight."
"And who are we? I'm sensing it's not just going to be you, me and Edward."
He laughed. "No, actually, I guess it would be a… triple date?"
"You really think that's a good idea?" I asked. "That's a disaster waiting to happen. From what I understand, Edward and Rose are still not on speaking terms, and personally, I can't say I'm all too comfortable in her or Alice's… or even Emmett's presence. Not after everything."
"Please, don't ever tell Alice that. She'd be devastated."
"I doubt that very much."
He frowned. "Don't underestimate her. She's a good person, and she really does want to become your friend, but I guess the current situation isn't really ideal for that to happen." He dragged his hand through his blond locks, and leaned back in his chair. "As for Emmett… well, he'll become your friend sooner or later, whether you like it or not. He just doesn't take no for an answer. He already considers you a friend. I guess that comes with the territory of being your boyfriend's brother." I smiled without thinking, and Jasper gave me a curious look when he noticed. "What are you smiling about now, Missy?" he asked.
"Nothing," I mumbled, embarrassed.
He smirked. "Boyfriend," he said slowly.
"Stop it," I mumbled, even more embarrassed now.
He chuckled. "Well, he is. Get used to it."
"He's so much more than that to me, and it feels weird defining him like that… or us for that matter… it's just weird," I said, shaking my head at myself. "I'm not making much sense, am I?"
"Honestly, I think you make complete sense. Nothing about your relationship is normal, so I totally get that it's hard to define it as something as normal as boyfriend and girlfriend," he agreed.
"So you don't think we're normal either?" I said, quirking an eyebrow.
"No," he said without any hesitation while shaking his head. "I don't think either of you are normal. Not in the world's definition of the word anyway. And I say that with love. You guys wouldn't be you if you were normal. It's your abnormalness that makes the two of you awesome."
I snorted. "Good save," I muttered.
"I try," he said, shrugging. "So are you guys eating lunch with us, or are you going to hook up somewhere?"
Jasper kept amazing me with the way he could get right to the point without it being awkward. He was so straight forward about everything. I think that was what I liked the most about him.
"I don't know," I said. "I'll let Edward decide. I don't care as long as I get to spend some time with him."
"Urgh, you sound just like him," he said, wrinkling his nose in mock-disgust. "Who knew Edward had it in him to be so sickly sweet?"
"You and Emmett must have rubbed off on him," I replied coolly.
"Oh, burn," he said, just as the bell rang. "Finally!" he exclaimed, pushing his chair back. "Let's get some food."
We collected my stuff, and we stopped by my locker to drop it all off, before going to the cafeteria. We bought our food, and I snickered when he offered to take my tray - before he realized I didn't need the help anymore. I guess I wasn't the only one who had gotten used to the crutches.
We were the first ones at our table, but Alice soon joined up. She was being nice and told me it was great seeing me again, and she was looking forward to tonight. I just smiled timidly and nodded. She was really trying to be nice - without being pushy - but I was still not warming up to her as quickly as she (and Jasper) was hoping.
We were soon joined by Rosalie and Emmett. Emmett sat down next to me and started talking animatedly about how Edward had been driving him up the wall for the past few days. I smiled and nodded at the right places, not really listening to what he was saying.
When the empty chair next to me was pulled out, I immediately turned my head to see Edward plop down on it. He moved it closer to mine before meeting my gaze, and smiling as he leaned in to kiss me - I welcomed it.
"Hey, dude, we're eating," Emmett said, with his mouth full of food since he had just taken a big bite of his pizza.
"Yeah? Well, so am I," Edward replied, making a point by nibbling my bottom lip before leaning back in his seat. He rested his hand on the back of my chair.
"You disgust me," Emmett muttered.
"Look on the bright side," Rosalie said, her voice neutral. "It must mean your brother finally saw the Wizard, granting him a heart."
I looked at her confused, not really knowing whether or not she was joking or being mean. Her voice was too neutral and even to tell.
"Would you look at that," Jasper said, in mock-amazement. "Who knew my sister the Ice Queen would ever apologize to Edward the Douche bag?"
I frowned as I looked at him. "That was an apology?" I blurted.
They all turned their heads to me. Edward was smirking, while Alice stifled a giggle. Jasper looked amused, Emmett confused and Rosalie surprised. I smiled awkwardly.
"Sorry," I mumbled.
"Here's the thing, Sparrow," Edward said, leaning closer to me. "Ice Queen over there doesn't use the word sorry. Because she rarely thinks she's wrong, and if she is, she sure as fuck doesn't admit it. So she has developed her own language when it comes to apologies, and that right there was probably the closest fucking thing we will ever come to her apologizing to me… or anyone for that matter."
Rosalie crossed her arms over her chest, leaning back in her seat and not looking very pleased.
"Are you done?" she asked him, quirking an eyebrow.
"Why yes, Ice Queen, I am," Edward said, nodding once.
The conversation turned lighter after that; there was no awkwardness between Rosalie and Edward, or anyone else. I watched and listened to how they all interacted with each other, and it was fascinating to see how Edward behaved around his friends. He was so foul-mouthed and almost mean. One would think he was being rude in order to hurt, when in reality it was just his way of being funny. His friends got him.
Every now and again, he would stroke my neck with his finger, and give me a secret smile. I blushed every time. If I had known earlier that this was how it felt like to be in love, maybe I would have been more interested in pursuing boys.
Then again, no boy would ever have measured up to this. Edward was it.
We were young, but that didn't mean we couldn't last. As long as the feeling lasted, we would too. Feelings this strong don't just go away - I would hate my mother forever, so why couldn't I love Edward forever too?
"… two cars," Emmett said. I only caught the ending of the sentence as I was brought of out my musings.
"Sure, we can take mine and yours," Jasper said.
"What are we talking about?" I asked Edward.
"How we're going to get to Port Angeles," he replied. "Since there are six of us we need to take two cars."
"I don't see why," Rosalie chimed in. "Emmett's car is big enough to fit us all, besides, Alice is so small we can stove her in the glove compartment."
"Very funny, Rose," Alice said, narrowing her eyes. "Why don't you sit in the back like the little bitch you are?"
Rosalie also narrowed her eyes as they stared at each other for a minute, before they both stuck their tongues out at the same time, and then laughed.
I was a little surprised at their banter, and also kind of… jealous. I wondered what it was like to be able to joke so freely about anything with your friends. I wasn't even completely comfortable yet to make tasteless jokes to Edward. Then again, it wasn't like I was that kind of person anyway. I wasn't carrying around a bunch of untold, rude and tasteless jokes, just waiting to get out.
I was still jealous though.
Eventually, it was decided that we were going to take Emmett's jeep to Port Angeles. Since they weren't going to drive me back anyway, there would be more room on the way back for them.
We left the cafeteria, and I told Edward I would meet him in biology - I needed to go to the bathroom first. I did my business, and I was just washing my hands when another stall opened and none other than Tanya stepped out. She stopped, staring at me through the mirror. I wasn't afraid to meet her gaze. Tanya didn't scare me anymore. She was nothing compared to what I had been subjected to over the holidays.
She narrowed her eyes slightly as she moved towards the sinks, choosing the one next to mine to wash her hands.
"Have you slept with him yet?" she asked, her tone nonchalant as if she really didn't care - even though it was obvious that she did.
"I fail to see how that's any of your business," I replied coolly, as I grabbed a paper towel to dry my hands.
"That's a no," she said, snorting quietly. "Well, I'll give you a piece of advice… once Edward gets into your pants, he won't be interested anymore. Trust me, I know."
I gave her an incredulous look. "Excuse me?" I asked, gripping the sink to keep from slapping her face instead.
"I'm not saying it to be mean," she said, turning to me. "I'm saying it to be nice. You've had a rough month, no? With your family and all, and I would bet that the last thing you need right now is a guy breaking your heart."
"Excuse me, but you don't know anything about what I've been through, and you know nothing about my family," I snapped.
"That might be true. But I do know Edward, and I know how he operates. You're obviously not his type, so I'm sorry, but I don't see why he's even bothering with you. Maybe he's doing it as a challenge of some sorts. I don't know. But guys like Edward don't go for girls like you."
The entire speech was said with such a nice, comforting tone that I just couldn't believe I was hearing her right. Was she seriously telling the girl who was kidnapped over Christmas that her boyfriend was only with her because it was a challenge? Was she serious?
She took my amazed silence as a sign to continue.
"I'm seriously not telling you this to be mean," she said, as if she really meant it.
"What would you know about Edward's type?" I asked, when I finally found my voice again.
"Well, I have slept with him on more than one occasion," she said, rolling her eyes.
"So? Edward is a teenage boy, he would sleep with a mountain goat if he got desperate enough," I replied.
"Are you calling me a mountain goat?" she asked, her voice rising slightly as her nostrils flared.
"You? Not at all. You are as far from a mountain goat as you could get," I replied, smirking to myself as I realized she would never understand the double meaning of those words. That was an even bigger insult to her than calling her any kind of animal name ever would be. Too bad she would never get it. "Besides, have you ever kissed him?"
She opened her mouth, but it was as if her answer stuck in her throat. "Wh-what has that to do with anything?" she asked, flipping her hair over her shoulders. "Of course I have."
"Really? So what lip is his favorite? What technique does he use? What does he do with his tongue?" I asked, giving her a challenging look as I crossed my arms over my chest. I was not going to back down from this fight. I was going to win this - even though there was no honor in defeating Tanya. Tanya was nothing.
"He likes the top lip," she replied, and it was clear that she was making it up. "Other than that, I don't really kiss and tell… pardon the pun."
"Kissing someone is more intimate than sex, and it's pretty clear that you have never kissed Edward. Or else you would know that he prefers the bottom lip," I said confidently. "And yeah, you're right. Being with me is a challenge for Edward, just like being with him is a challenge for me… but not for the reasons you think. I love him, and he loves me. It's as simple as that."
She snorted, and there was a crack in her fake, polite mask.
"Edward doesn't love anyone but himself and his dick," she said through clenched teeth.
"If believing that makes you sleep better at night, then good for you," I said. "I need to go now."
I gave her a wide, fake smile before walking past her to the door. I walked out and smiled when I spotted Edward waiting for me by my locker down the hall. He met my gaze, and my heart skipped a beat at his smile. Then his smile froze as he spotted something over my shoulder.
I gave him a curious look before looking over my shoulder as well. Tanya had exited the bathroom and was now walking toward me. I sighed and stopped.
"What?" I asked, now pretty damn annoyed. "Can't you just leave me alone already?"
Tanya looked at me, then over my shoulder. I turned my head to see Edward coming toward us in angry strides.
"Is the bitch messing with you again, Sparrow?" he asked when he reached us, his voice tight.
"Nah, she's just killing time before the next class. Nothing I can't handle," I replied, holding out my hand to him. I smiled when I saw Tanya's eyes widened slightly as she watched Edward take it. He raised my hand to his lips and kissed my knuckles before holding it to his heart. This made her eyes go even wider. "So, Tanya, you were saying?"
She glanced between us a few times before letting her eyes settle on me. Then she smirked.
"This," she said, gesturing to us, "is fucking unnatural. It's fucking disgusting."
"Nobody is forcing you to watch," I replied.
She narrowed her eyes at me, and then pointed at me with her fancy-looking, manicured finger.
"The only reason you're so cocky right now is because nobody dares to touch you because of what happened," she hissed. "Nobody dares to even look at you because your mom is a crazy bitch. I can see why she would be trying to kill you. Who the fuck wants a kid like you? Fucking disgusting."
I thought I was prepared for whatever she had to throw at me - boy, was I wrong. I was not prepared for her to stoop to that level. How could someone be so cruel? I hadn't read the newspapers, so I didn't know what exactly had been reported, but apparently she knew that my mom had indeed tried to kill me - depending on how you looked at it, I suppose. So how could she bully a girl who had been through that? How could she be so cold?
"I… I… I… I can't even process what you said," I stuttered, and then I just shook my head. I turned around and started walking away. Edward was still holding my hand, but he let it go and put his arm around my shoulders instead, walking with me and letting me steer the way.
We walked around the corner, and it wasn't until I was sure that we were out of sight from her that I stopped. I looked up at Edward, and that was all I took for me to burst into tears.
Edward looked terrified for a split second before crushing me to his chest. I clung to him like a lifeline.
I hadn't cried over my mother; I hadn't cried over what happened. So why was I crying now?
"I love you so much, Sparrow," Edward murmured as he kissed the top of my head. "I love you. I love you. I love you." I sob-laughed into his shirt, gripping it tighter in my fists.
"A-a-m I your mountain goat?" I asked, my voice muffled by his shirt and my sobs.
"Yes," he said, laughing quietly, kissing my head again. "You're my fucking mountain goat."
I sniffled and he murmured reassuring words.
"Do you think she hated me?" I asked subdued, my voice dull and empty.
Edward was quiet for a moment. He knew I wasn't talking about Tanya.
"No," he answered eventually. "I don't think she hated you… she just loved herself more."
"Edward?"
"Mmm?"
I pulled back a little so I could meet his gaze.
"When we have kids, please remind me to tell them I love them every day. Never let them doubt that," I said, almost pleadingly. He wiped my tears away, smiling sadly as he nodded.
"I will," he promised. "I will also remind you to tell your husband. He needs to hear that shit too."
"I love you," I whispered.
"I love you too, Mrs. Mother-of-my-future-babies-Cullen."
I rolled my teary eyes as I stood up on my tiptoes to kiss him.
We would last. These feelings would never go away.
This was constant.
x
The day only got better from there. Even class was fun - mostly because Edward kept poking me. I tried to pay attention in class, since I had gotten behind, but apparently, Edward didn't care much about that. He kept poking and nudging me to get my attention, sending me a dazzling smile every time I turned my head to glare at him.
He had me eating out of his hand like a bird.
I guess that metaphor fitted a little better than it should have.
When school let out, we decided to first hang out at Edward and Emmett's house for a while, before going to Port Angeles for dinner. I called Kate to let her know she didn't need to pick me up, and that I was going to eat dinner with my friends.
And yes, I said friends.
When we got to their house, Edward and I wanted to hide out in his room for a bit. We needed the alone time, but the others wasn't having it. They were adamant of having us included in whatever it was they were going to do. Emmett was especially persistent; he said something about needing to re-bond with his brother. I suppose he had a point. There were a lot of relationships here that needed re-bonding after the rocky past couple of months.
I didn't mind too much because it gave me a reason to get to know the others a little better. When Emmett, Jasper and Edward played their video game, I sat with the girls, listening to them talk and occasionally answering questions that were thrown my way.
"I see you're still wearing that Sparrow necklace," Rosalie noted, when she caught me playing with it. "I say it's safe to assume Edward was the one giving it to you."
I glanced at Edward, smiling softly as he cursed at Jasper for something he did on screen. He was totally engrossed in the video game; he didn't even notice me watching him.
"Yeah, he did," I replied, looking back at Rosalie.
"Two hundred dollars… I can't believe Edward bought a girl a two-hundred dollar necklace," she said, shaking her head in amazement; it reminded me of my earlier encounter with Tanya.
"Why?" I asked, quietly. "Because I'm the goose?"
Her eyes widened and she shook her head.
"No, not at all. You have nothing to do with it. I'm amazed because he bought a girl — any girl — a two-hundred necklace. I just didn't think Edward had it in him," she said. "He isn't the gift-giving type. So, let me ask you this… were you guys together when you got it?"
I shrugged.
"What does that mean?" Alice asked, looking confused. "Were you or were you not together? It's a simple question."
"Well… I don't know? It took a while before we even realized what we were doing… I don't know when it became official… not really," I said. "It's easier to say when we became friends, because that's clear… but not a couple. It's such a grey zone."
"Who made the first move?" Alice asked, leaning forward as to not miss a single word.
I laughed at her eagerness. "You do know who you're talking to, right?" I asked.
Alice frowned then shared a look with Rosalie. Rosalie nodded.
"Edward," they said in unison.
"What?" Edward asked, tearing his eyes from the screen for a moment to look at us. "What the fuck did I do now?"
"I don't know," Rosalie said smugly. "You tell me."
"What?" Now he looked confused. Emmett paused the game and Edward shot me a look that clearly said 'Explain!'
I sighed. "They want to know what you did to make the first move."
Emmett shot his eyes to Edward. "Dude, I want to know that too!"
Edward groaned and dragged a hand through his hair in frustration.
"Fuck, I don't know? I might have… I… fuck… what the fuck did I do, Sparrow?" he asked, looking at me.
"I don't know, what did you do?" I teased.
He narrowed his eyes at me. "I might have kissed you."
"Yes, you might have done that," I said, smiling.
"Awww, isn't that the cutest little thing you ever did hear?" Emmett said, slapping an arm around Edward's shoulders and ruffling his hair. "I knew my baby-brother had a heart. I just didn't know he had a matching vagina to go with it."
"Fuck you," Edward muttered, turning back to the game. "Let's get this shit over with so we can go eat."
x
The drive to Port Angeles was very pleasant. I was sitting sideways in Edward's lap in the backseat. Emmett was driving, with Rosalie in the passenger seat. Alice was sitting in Jasper's lap in the backset as well, so the middle seat was where we had our feet. Edward rested his head against my shoulder, his eyes closed. I dragged my hand through his unruly hair, smiling softly every time his frown would even out. He was tense - but not as tense as I had expected him to be. This wasn't as hard on him as it used to be. I was so proud of him.
His grip on me would tighten every now and again, and every time I would kiss his forehead. It made him relax instantly.
It would never cease to amaze me what an affect I had on that boy.
No one said anything about Edward or me on the drive over there. They didn't tease us about the way I kissed him, or soothed him. I guess they realized that this was not something either of us would appreciate to made fun of. Edward was hurting, and there were no jokes in the world that would make that okay.
We had dinner at a romantic restaurant called Bella Italia, and I silently wondered if Edward had picked the place. The dinner was delicious, and it was all paid for by the guys. This really was a date.
Myfirstreal date.
For some reason I was kind of disappointed that my first real date hadn't been alone with Edward, but at the same time I couldn't find it in me to care too much. I was having a date with Edward - wasn't that enough? Did it really matter if it was a triple-date with his… I mean, our friends?
A couple of hours later, we left the restaurant and walked back towards the car. Edward and I walked a few paces behind the others, while holding hands like a real couple.
Real couple. Real date.
I smiled to myself. I was normal.
"I don't want to leave you yet," he said, sighing. "We haven't had any fucking time alone all day."
"I know, but there is always tomorrow," I replied with a shrug.
Edward stopped and turned to me.
"Do you think Kate would be okay with me maybe, you know… sleeping on the couch or some shit tonight?" he asked, looking uncharacteristically unsure.
"I don't think so, I could ask?" I said, making it a question.
"I could always take the late bus home later… I think the last bus to Forks leaves at one a.m. or something, that gives us at least another five hours," he said.
I smiled. "Five hours is better than nothing," I replied.
He leaned down and pressed his lips to my forehead, before we started walking again to the car. The others were waiting by its side.
"I think I'm going to stay and take the bus home later," he told the others.
Emmett chuckled, giving Edward an amused look. "You kids behave now, alright?" he said, before looking at me. "Especially you, I don't want any funny business."
"I promise," I said, rolling my eyes.
We said our goodbyes to the others, before walking to the apartment - which was only a ten-minute walk away. When we got there, the place was dark and quiet. I turned on the lights, calling out hello, but there was no answer. I noticed a Post-It note stuck to the mirror in the hallway.
"'Dinner with a friend, will be back around eleven. Call me if you need me - K',' I read out loud.
"Eleven, huh," Edward said, wrapping his arms around my waist from behind. "That leaves us three glorious hours to do with as we wish…"
"Mmm," I hummed in response, turning in his embrace so I could meet his lips.
We were both smiling as we kissed - which made for some awkward teeth knocking, but we didn't care. Edward backed me through the hallway toward my room, and I giggled when I almost tripped on the doorstep.
As soon as we had entered my room, it was as if the atmosphere shifted and changed. It became heavier. Almost electric. The giggles stopped, the smiles faded, and we were just looking at each other as if it was for the first time.
I nibbled on my lip as I gazed at him. Why was I feeling so shy and uncertain all of a sudden?
Edward slowly let his hands grip my hips, pulling me a little closer to him. I was momentarily dazzled by the intensity of his green eyes. How could he hide so much emotion there? All it took was a slight furrowing of his brows, and he suddenly looked so insecure. So naked.
He wasnaked. This was the Edward only I was allowed to see.
I stood on my tiptoes and pressed my lips to his.
There were no sounds coming from us; there was no sound at all other than the quiet smacking of our lips as they moved together. No moans. No groans. Just lips and tongues moving together, like a well-rehearsed dance. How I managed to go seventeen years without the taste of his lips, I would never know.
I gripped his hair tightly in my fists, and I was worried that I might hurt him. It felt as if he would disappear if I didn't hold on tightly enough. He was my lifeline. My oxygen. Without him, I would drown.
I wasn't even aware that we were moving again, until my legs backed up against the bed and I fell backwards before I was able to catch myself. With my tight grip on Edwards's hair, he had no choice but to follow me. He fell on top of me as we bounced down on the bed. My grip on his hair loosened as I started to giggle.
"Sorry," I said.
He propped himself up by leaning his arms on either side of my shoulders.
I had never felt safer.
He stroked some hair from my face with his slender fingers and I gazed into his eyes.
My giggles and smile faded at the sight of his serious expression.
I reached up to touch his face; not understanding why he was looking at me like that. He was looking at me as if I was the most precious thing in the entire world.
"I love you," I murmured, hoping it would help him to get from where he was to where his mind was supposed to be. With me. Right now, he was somewhere too far for me to find. I needed him to come back.
The corner of his mouth lifted into a sad smile.
"I love you too," he replied softly. The emotion in his voice was eerie and I felt myself choke up. I placed my hand on his chest, over his heart. I wondered how it was possible to feel this intensely about someone at this age.
What did we know about love? What did we know about life?
What did we know about anything?
Maybe we didn't need to know anything about anything. Maybe all we needed to know was what we felt and what we felt was this intense need of needing to be together in any way possible.
"Kiss me," I whispered.
He nodded once before leaning down, and I removed my hand from his chest as he became flush with mine. As our kissing intensified, as did the way my hands moved over his back. I started to cling to him in ways that should have had me embarrassed. But I knew I had no reason to embarrassed with him. He understood, because he felt the same way.
My hands found their way underneath his shirt, and I clawed at his skin.
He made a grunting noise, but didn't interrupt our kissing. He shifted his position so he was only lying partly over me, that way he could use his hand to roam my body. He began caressing and stroking my side, until his hand found its way underneath my top.
I moaned. I couldn't help it. His hand on my naked skin felt fantastic. There was no use in trying to deny it. I wanted his hand to be there. There was no hesitation in the way we moved; there were no silent questions or pleas for permission.
I didn't need to think or second-guess my actions as I started tugging at his shirt. He pulled back from me, before grabbing the shirt in his hands, pulling it over his head and throwing it on the floor. I put a hand to his chest, marveling at how good his naked chest looked.
My broken boy was beautiful.
I looked at my hand as I splayed my fingers over his skin, right over his heart. I could feel it pump violently in his chest. I slowly let my eyes meet his and he smiled softly, before leaning back down and meeting my lips. His body was hot in more ways than one as it pressed against mine. The thin fabric of my top did nothing to keep the heat of his body from mine.
His hand found its way back to where it belonged: on my skin underneath my top.
I was starting to get hot. As if someone had turned the heat up in the room.
I was already panting when Edward palmed my breast over my bra, and I moaned when he slowly rubbed my nipple through the fabric.
It felt so good.
I tugged awkwardly at the hem of my top and he pulled his hand back, smiling against my lips when he realized what I wanted to do.
"Hands up," he said softly, as he pulled back. I did as he said, and he pulled the top off me and threw it on the floor as well. He looked down at my body and I smiled when I noticed him licking his lips. I guess I wasn't the only one enjoying the view.
He moved to straddle me and I laid there, with my arms splayed on the pillow over my head, as he continued to look at me. He put his hands on my stomach, just touching me, before moving them to cover my breasts again. I closed my eyes, just enjoying the feeling of his hands on me.
A small gasp escaped me as he let his hands move under the fabric.
I opened my eyes again. He wasn't watching my chest anymore - he was watching me.
I smiled and he nodded towards my chest.
I bit my lip as I reached under my back, unclasping the bra. I moved to remove it, but his hands were faster. He slid the straps of my shoulders, and slowly removed the bra entirely from my body.
A quiet whimper left him as I laid half-naked beneath him.
I was not by any means perfect. My body had flaws.
But from the way he was currently looking at me, you'd think differently.
He was just staring at me. His hands resting uselessly on his knees.
I kept my eyes on his as I reached for his hands, slowly moving them to cover my breasts. It felt better now when the bra was completely off my body. There was nothing there to disturb the sensation.
He mumbled something that I couldn't make out.
He finally leaned down to meet my lips once again, and soon we were kissing with such need you'd think we were both starving from it.
Our hands roamed.
Clawing. Squeezing. Stroking. Touching. Feeling.
Eventually, both of us felt that this wasn't enough.
I needed more - but I didn't know what more was.
Apparently, my hands did. As they found their way to unzip his jeans.
His hands were already playing around the same area of mine.
He unbuttoned and unzipped my jeans in one fluent motion, before slowly letting his hand inside.
I didn't freeze. I didn't still. I didn't react at all like last time. Maybe because this was so much more different from last time. Nobody was forcing anyone to do anything. Nobody was pushing or pressing an issue that wasn't meant to be pressed. I wasn't afraid. There were no evil voices in my head telling me to stop.
This was natural. Instinctual. It was meant to happen this way.
We needed to be together, and together we would be. I wasn't afraid because Edward would never hurt me. I would be all right because he would never have it any other way.
He touched me through my underwear, which in turn made me squeak in surprise. He chuckled softly as he started kissing my neck.
He was murmuring something against my skin, and I still couldn't make out his words.
He continued to move his hand over my underwear, and I started to move my hips in synch to his movements. I didn't think because this was also instinctual.
Maybe that would become the key to my happiness: never think, just feel.
After a few moments of this, he moved again. This time to finish the job I had started, but given up on when he started touching methere. He unbuttoned his jeans and stood up from the bed. As he pulled off his, I shimmied awkwardly out of mine. He laughed and rolled his eyes as he watched me, before lending me a hand by just pulling them off me himself.
"Don't laugh at me," I said in mock-offense.
"Oh, I wouldn't dare," he teased with a smirk.
I rolled my eyes before reaching for him. He willingly laid next to me, pressing his naked body to mine. Our lips found each other's and my hands gripped his hair.
I didn't know how it happened, or when, but eventually both our remaining underwear had somehow been added to the pile of clothes on the floor.
Edward could no longer hide the fact that he was reacting very strongly to the situation - his erection was becoming more and more of a distraction.
I reached down and wrapped my hand around him, and he jerked in response. I felt the sudden urge to giggle again. He hadn't expected that. He started kissing down my neck, as I started stroking him.
Eventually, his kissing ceased and he was just panting against my skin.
He mumbled something to himself, and this time I needed to know what he was thinking. But before I had time to open my mouth to ask, he reached down and removed my hand from him. He braided our fingers together as he reached up and rested our clasped hands next to my head on the pillow.
"What are you thinking?" I whispered.
He looked up at me, smiling crookedly.
"That I'm so fucking lucky," he whispered back.
I bit my lip and he squeezed my hand tighter. I reached up to stroke his cheek with my free hand.
"Will it hurt?" I asked quietly.
"I'm not a girl, so I can't say… but yeah, from what I hear it hurts, but only for a moment," he replied, just as quietly.
"Take it slow?"
He nodded. "I'll be careful… just say the word and I'll stop."
"Okay."
While he moved for a better position, I took the moment to prepare myself mentally by taking a deep, calming breath. I could almost see the bubble that surrounded us now. There was no one else in this world but us.
He settled between my legs and I didn't even bother to worry about a condom. Maybe it was silly, but I didn't want anything separating us. Not this time. I didn't want a barrier, no matter how thin — and important — it was.
Besides, I had a feeling we wouldn't be able to get a hold on a condom right now anyway. Edward wasn't carrying that stuff around anymore. He didn't expect casual sex like he had in the past.
He was my Edward now, and my Edward didn't do casual sex with random people.
He didn't have sex anymore. He made love. With me.
When I felt him ease into me, I automatically tensed. The feeling of him filling me was nothing like anything I'd felt before. I was too busy thinking and focusing on that feeling alone, that the slight pain that followed was easily ignored.
It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.
Did it hurt? I guess, but it was manageable. The foreign feeling of him being inside of me was something else entirely, and more worthy of my focus than the slight pain.
I couldn't decide if I liked it or not. It was… different.
Soon, he started moving his hips back and forth, and with every thrust, a weird noise escaped me. I tried to stifle the moan-like noises, but it was impossible. I made them whether I liked it or not.
I wasn't the only one making weird noises, Edward was too.
For some reason I found his noises to be… hot. I couldn't describe them, really. They were just noises — but noises of pure need and pleasure. He was making these noises because ofme. Just like I was making these noises because of him.
I closed my eyes, letting all feelings and sensation just wash over me. I just wanted to feel everything he was doing to me. The feeling of him filling me was still unnerving and different, but I think I liked it. Didn't I?
It was too foreign — too new — for me to be sure.
Edward started moving faster, and I found myself trying to meet his thrusts by moving my hips. He started panting faster and faster, as he put more force behind each thrust.
Soon a strangled moan escaped him, along with a bunch of strangled profanities and a plea for God. His movements slowed down, until he wasn't moving at all. Then he had to prop his body up on his elbows, on either side of me, to keep from crushing me.
He was panting heavily as he met my gaze through heavy lids.
Adoration.
That was the only word that came to mind when I tried to describe the look in his eyes.
"Thank you," he said, huskily and breathless.
I smiled at him in amusement
"You're welcome," I replied quietly.
He inhaled deeply, chuckling as he exhaled.
He kissed me softly and I all but purred in contentment.
He moved to lie down next to me, propping his head up on his hand. He slowly stroked my stomach while looking at me.
"Did it hurt?" he asked softly.
I shook my head. "No, it wasn't as bad as I'd expected. It was… fine."
"I didn't rock your world, did I?" he asked, sounding both amused and somewhat bothered.
"What do you mean?"
He rolled his eyes with a smile. "I didn't make you come," he clarified.
Of all the things we had done, this was the thing to make me blush. I covered my face in my hands to hide it, and he laughed quietly as he pulled my hands away.
"Sparrow, c'mon," he said gently. I refused to meet his gaze, as my face was still on fire. "Let me do this for you," he continued, letting his hand move slowly over my breasts, down my stomach and to my…
"God," I gasped as he touched me.
He let his fingers slid up and down my slit a few times, before he palmed me there. When he inserted two of his fingers in me, moving them in and out, I couldn't decide which I had enjoyed more. His fingers or his… penis. While the latter had felt foreign, his fingers felt nice from the beginning.
His thumb moved over a more sensitive spot and I shuddered at the sensation that followed. I closed my eyes, letting him take over completely. If this was what he wanted to do, then who was I to deny him?
As his hand continued its ministrations, I found myself rocking with the motions. It felt like my body was seeking for something but it had no idea what it was. Edward nibbled on my neck as he moved his fingers faster.
My breathing became labored, and there was a weird feeling building up inside of me.
What the hell was it? I had never felt anything like it.
Was this… was this… was this…?
"E-Edward…" I managed to moan out before I was thrown off the cliff.
Explosions. Fireworks. A freaking earthquake.
Suddenly I understood what all those people were talking about. This was intense. So very intense. Every fiber of my being was tense for a second, completely overtaken by the sensation before every atom relaxed at the same time, and I became nothing but putty.
I had no bones left in my body. I was completely limp.
I hadn't even noticed I had squeezed my eyes shut.
I took a moment to get my breathing under control, and once I did, I opened my eyes again. I couldn't help but smile, and I had to bit my lip to keep the smile from breaking my face.
I was happy. I was so freaking happy.
"The pleasure is for the girl," I murmured in conclusion, a surprised giggle to my voice.
"No, Sparrow," Edward said, kissing my neck again before looking up at me with so much love in his eyes. "Pleasure is for you."