Dreams of Doki Doki

by the cooler eros

Xavier has been troubled by dreams for as long as he can remember but has been able to maintain an average life grounded in reality. When that reality starts to look more like fiction, though, will he be able to tell the difference between the two? And what does any of this have to do with Doki Doki Literature Club?

29. Act 1 Chapter 29 - Insanity

Two years have gone by since I'd seen Monika.

Of course, I am Monika now.

Tyler doesn't like me anymore.

I drive to the store.

I buy a gun.

I go to Tyler's house.

"Hi, Tyler~" I say to him.

"Xavier, I really don't like this. I genuinely think you need help. I…"

I stop listening.

I pull the gun out of my purse.

I pull the trigger.

Tyler falls on the floor.

I walk away.

I get in the car.

I hear police sirens.

I go faster.

I hear screaming.

I go faster.

They're gonna stay on the road.

I drive off the road.

They follow me.

I drive off a canyon.

They don't follow me.

The car lands face-up.

I try to keep driving.

It's broken.

I get out.

I walk.

I walk.

And walk.

And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk. And walk.

I see something.

A sign.

Welcome to Vancouver.

I guess I walked pretty far.

I see a sign for a cruise ship.

It's going to Japan.

I take a shower at a public swimming pool.

I buy a ticket on the boat.

The boat leaves the harbor.

I see someone.

A bright white ribbon.

Emerald eyes.

"Monika!"

I run to hug her.

I hit a wall.

I was looking at my own reflection.

I'm mad.

I walk down to the engine room.

I fire my gun.

I hear an alarm.

The boat sinks.

I swim.

And swim.

And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim. And swim.

I see an island.

America.

I'm back where I started.

I walk home.

And walk.

And walk.

...

Without Xavier, my heart was empty. I almost went crazy. I stopped going to school to work on something that might bring us back together. A portal of sorts, if you will. If this ambition succeeds, I should be able to cross over to Xavier's reality.

For two years, I've been trying and failing to build this device.

But I finally finished.

I can finally cross over to his world.

His reality.

I feel tears of pure joy trickle down my cheeks.

The portal lights up. I can vaguely see the other side. I see…

Me.

Lots of me.

I slowly crawl through the portal, legs first.

I feel goosebumps form on my legs.

I feel a plush toy rubbing against my back.

Finally, my eyes go through.

I look back.

I came out of… A PC monitor?

I'm sitting on a pillow. I flip it up.

It's a pillow with my face on it.

I look around.

I see dolls.

I see plushies.

I see T-shirts.

I see posters.

I see keychains.

And they're all of me.

I feel my eyes go wide.

I'm in complete and utter horror.

Pictures of me, all around me.

Lewd pictures. Cute pictures. Scary pictures.

All of me.

I feel the sudden urge to vomit.

I suddenly hear a door open.

I hear a familiar voice mumbling terrible words. Words of desperation.

It sounds like my voice.

No… This has to be a nightmare… I have to be dreaming.

The woman turns the corner to where I'm sitting.

The first things that I see are her eyes.

She looks just as surprised as I am.

Am I looking in a mirror?

Just to make sure, I touch her.

Her skin is soft.

"Mo… Monika?" The woman says.

Her voice sounds just like mine.

Somehow, I can recognize another voice. One I couldn't forget.

I look at her right hand.

A wedding ring.

I look to mine.

The same ring.

"Xa… Xa… Xa… Xav…" I can't say it. I can't believe it. I won't.

"Monika." My exact clone hugs me.

"Xavier?"

"Yes."

I push the other Monika back.

"Xavier, what the fuck is going on?"

Monika- No, Xavier takes a look around, as if he had seen it for the first time.

He lives here.

Before I can say anything, Xavier pounces on me. He tries to furiously undress me as he claws at my clothes. I can visualize cuts being marked under my shirt. I look at his face amidst the chaos. His jaw is wide open. The look in his eyes…

It's one of complete and utter savagery.

I manage to fend him off and stand up.

I'm crying.

How could this happen… To my love?

How could he be so hopelessly lost so fast?

"No. You're not the Xavier I knew."

Xavier looks up.

"Xavier, if you're still in there, fight. Fight this temptation! This isn't you!" I scream and yell.

He just stares at me like a helpless animal.

"Fight!"

I can't see him in his eyes anymore.

"Xavier, I want to love you! I loved you! But…" I stumble.

"But this isn't you." Tears run down my eyes and wet my shirt.

Xavier makes no response.

Then, he reaches into his bag.

I hear a loud click.

No…

Xavier points the pistol in his bag to his temple.

"NO!"

And shoots.