Chapter 25

~Not Your Master~

Alice follows Bella into the restroom, and a few minutes later, the two of them slip out the back door. The strong urge to follow them overtakes me, but I fight it.

Rose puts her hand on my arm. "Hey, she's in good hands. I don't know what's haunting her, but she'll get through it."

"You think?"

"There's a strong, feisty woman hiding in there. I've seen signs of her peeking out." Rose's eyes are filled with sympathy and compassion. "Let me know if you need anything, okay? I mean it."

I soften toward her. "Thank you. That means a lot," I say sincerely.

When we return to the table, Seth and Leah are there. Leah's dark gaze rakes over me, lingering on my tattooed arms before flicking to my stubbled jaw. When our eyes meet, I nod and look away first, uncomfortable with the attention.

Jasper saunters up beside me, resting a hand on my shoulder. "Seth, Leah, can I get you some drinks?"

Seth smiles. "We already ordered. Don't worry—Sprite for me. Hey, can I show you my new designs?" His eyes light up.

"Yeah, let's see." Jasper sits with the siblings, engaging them both in easy conversation. He includes me on occasion, and we go over Seth's newest work. "Wow, Edward, look at these. Phenomenal!"

"Yeah, these are lit, man! When do you turn eighteen?"

"Next month." Seth can't hide his excitement. "Will you be able to use me?"

"You're in. My only concern is how to replace you up front, but Bella seems to be doing a great job."

Envy flickers across Leah's face, but she quickly returns to looking at her brother with pride and puts an arm around his shoulders. "This kid is going places. He'll surpass me in no time."

Jasper shakes his head. "You can't compare the two of you because your pieces are different styles. You both have a future in ink."

I'm quick to agree. "Yeah, there's room for both of you at Inkspiration. We keep growing. The Insta account keeps exploding, and we've had to stop taking walk-ins."

Leah looks at me almost shyly. "You sure it won't be a problem?"

"Not for me," I say frankly.

Leah's answering smile is genuine. "Thanks. I'd love the chance to work with you guys more."

We get into a deeper discussion of their different styles of design, and Jasper offers to apprentice Leah so she can learn to tattoo her own designs on customers. Emmett is all over Rose, running his fingers up and down her arms, begging her to let him lay down some ink. She shoots him a crafty look and agrees as long as she can pierce him. Lots of innuendos fly back and forth, and it's a dirty, good time.

After almost an hour, Alice and Bella slip back into the available seats at the table. I notice my sister has Bella sit in the farthest seat from me. Alice winks at me. Bella's eyes are red rimmed and slightly puffy, but she seems comfortable with the group and even jokes around a little. We get another round of drinks before Emmett and Rosalie, then Jasper and Alice, slow dance over by the jukebox. Bella's gaze rests on Leah for a beat before looking at me with something akin to longing.

"Do you want to dance, Bella?"

She smiles, ducking her head shyly. Her "Yes" is so quiet, I almost miss it.

I walk over and offer my hand, which she takes without hesitation. Leading her to the dance floor, I find a pocket of space close to Alice and Jasper. Winding one arm around her waist, I keep her hand in mine, holding it between us, and she rests her other hand on my shoulder. At first, she's stiff, her steps halting, but eventually she relaxes into me, resting her cheek against my chest. I try not to pretend she's mine, but when the ruddy guy with the buzzed hair tries to cut in, I go rigid and glare at him.

Bella smiles. "Thanks for asking, but my dances are taken." She inclines her head toward Leah, who is still at the table talking with Paul and Jake. "I bet Leah would like to dance though."

He doesn't seem insulted and goes over to introduce himself to Leah. They chat for a few minutes before joining the rest of the couples on the floor.

"This is nice," Bella whispers.

"Good. I'm enjoying it too."

She presses closer, our joined hands the only obstacle between our bodies. I'm enjoying this too much. The scent of her wafts up my nose, maybe because it's practically buried in her hair, and I realize this needs to stop.

"We should go after this song."

"Sure . . . okay." Regret saturates her tone, and I'm tempted to stay because I love holding her in my arms, but that's exactly why this has to end.

When the song is over, we break apart. She looks lost and uncertain, and I swear she's feeling the same torment I am. We make our rounds to say goodbye, and she shadows me so closely, I can feel the warmth of her body. I still sense the ghost of her in my arms.

We're both quiet on the drive home, but the atmosphere is crackling with words unsaid, feelings unacknowledged.

Once we're inside, I remind her to take her meds. We get ready for bed, her in a long T-shirt with I don't know what underneath. I usually sleep shirtless, but it feels inappropriate and dangerous, so I pull on a T-shirt with my sweats.

She comes into the living room and curls up on one end of the couch. "Edward, can we talk?"

"Sure." I put the blankets I'm holding on a chair and join her.

Bella looks down, fiddling with the hem of her shirt. "Um, Alice thinks it would be a good idea for me to understand your . . . expectations of me."

And there it is. Alice wants me to know that what I've been suspecting is true: Bella is looking at me as her handler while Jimmy is gone.

I scoot closer and take her hands in mine. "Bella." She continues to look down, avoiding my gaze. "Look at me."

She does, but I see that it costs her. There's vulnerability and fear in the soft sable of her eyes. I don't want to be the cause of her anxiety.

"The only expectation I have is that you take care of yourself. Follow Alice's advice. Trust her, and accept the help you need." I rub my thumb over her skin gently.

"Yes, of course I'll trust Alice. I mean what you expect from me, how you want me to . . . to please you."

It's so wrong, but desire roars to life inside me. I squeeze her hands between mine, hoping to reassure her. "You don't need to please me. Just be yourself."

There's a lost look in her eyes when she whispers, "I'm not sure who I am."

"That's okay. You've been through a lot."

A tear slides down her cheek. "Is it really okay? You're not angry with me? You don't want anything from me?"

"I care about you. What's between us is friendship, Bella. You're Jimmy's girl." I say this as much for myself as for her.

Bella stares down at our joined hands, her voice barely a whisper. "But what if I want there to be more?" She hesitates a moment before looking up at me from beneath a thick fringe of lashes. "You know . . . between us."

Fuck me. Turmoil and white hot desire ignite inside me, and I try to tamp them down. Jimmy's girl. Jimmy's girl.

"You need to get that idea out of your head. You're with Jimmy."

"So you don't want me?"

I huff a humorless laugh. "I didn't say that. You're beautiful, and I've only scratched the surface of who you are." I release her hands and shift slightly away from her to put some distance between us. "Bella, I'm a one woman kind of guy, and I expect the same in return. No matter how attractive I might find you, this isn't something I intend to get involved in."

"I understand, but—" She breaks off, looking up at the ceiling with tears in her eyes. Shaking her head, she mutters, "Sorry. Forget it."

"Is there something I should know?"

Bella stares at me for a long moment, and I can see there's a war raging inside her. Eventually, she shakes her head.

I know there's more, but pushing her too hard is likely to make her clam up. Maybe in time, she'll learn to trust me.

"One other thing. I've noticed you defer to Jimmy and take your cues from him. That's not going to happen with me. I don't want to be your master or tell you what to do. If you need help, of course I'm always here, but I have no desire to rule over you."

"Oh . . . okay." Bella's face falls.

"What is it?"

"I don't know anything else." She seems lost and sad. "My father ordered me around, and then Phoenix and the m-men he allowed to . . ." She chokes on her words, but I don't need her to finish the sentence.

Rage boils inside me. "And Jimmy?"

Her mouth rounds into an O of horror. "No! Jimmy provides the stability I crave, but he never dominates me for his own needs."

I find that hard to believe, but I don't honestly know anything about the dynamics of a Dom/sub relationship except for the most rudimentary details. That lifestyle is not in my wheelhouse. The world Bella comes from is foreign to me. I have nothing against such a relationship as long as both parties are in agreement, but my desire is for a relationship built on mutual trust and respect where my partner has equal input.

"I'm happy Jimmy gives you what you need, Bella." I glance at my phone and realize how late it is. "We should get some sleep. Let me know if you need anything."

Reluctantly, Bella stands. I can tell there's more she wants to say, but I can't hear it right now. My resistance is weak. She finally whispers, "Good night" and slips from the room.

My jaw is set. I'm repulsed by the forced servitude Bella's father imposed on her and encouraged Ming Li to nurture after his death. Maybe I can't punish Bella's dead father, but Phoenix is an animal that needs to be put down. If I have anything to say about it, he's going to get what's coming to him.

~oOo~

A/N: These two are slowly but surely finding their way. I've been asked by a number of readers if this is going to be a BDSM story. No, it isn't. Bella was never a willing participant in a Dom/sub relationship. It's all she knows, but not necessarily what she wants. As she said to Edward, she isn't even sure who she is. Would love to hear your thoughts/opinions on this!

I post teasers and links to updates on my blog and on Facebook in the No Rules Twilight Fan Fiction and It All Started With Twilight groups.

Thanks and gratefulness as always to my awesome betas, SassySue (chayasara) and Wendy wmr1601. These ladies make my stuff much more presentable! And Aleea (Aleeab4u) is prereading! This chapter is so much better because of her. Mwah!

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PSA: Fanfic has made a ridiculous update that will turn email notifications OFF. This is the default setting. You will need to go to "settings" in your FF account and opt in to receive email notifications. Even if you do this, this setting will automatically default back to NO every six months, at which time you will need to change the setting again. Just one more way FF is making our lives difficult.