Total Drama X: Ultimate Islands!
Episode 23: Ice Cold Climbers
Part 1: The Social Climb
In the previous part, I said that this was a simple challenge with two teams trying to fight for their teammates, the million dollars and whatever else they found.
It technically is...but in actuality, these campers are going to get more of the same torture challenge, stupid drama of the previous four episodes complete with old men and maybe even some old faces showing up to fight!
By old faces, I meant some of the more powerful older contestants that got eliminated too early...money doesn't come for free, you know.
1602jaw: The only thing that's soft about this challenge is the lack of babies, that I can say. Besides, I wasn't going to let the main couple get upset by everyone else and those were definitely notable eliminations in some respects!
"Last time on Total Drama: Ultimate Islands, these guys went Monster Huntin' but with Total Drama's very own monsters like giant animals, a rhino, a Zeke clone and a mutated intern! Some lost as hard as they did, some just won by existing and some got turned into pure comedy! I'd say that the Chill Capybaras would have won, but they lost Snake, Tiana and Tifa to the Dock of Shame and the votes! And the Fiery Foxes eliminated Kipo for, you know, almost killing someone!"
And then Chris was back on familiar and oddly snowing ground.
"Hey, we've got more of that fighting action! Who's going to get snowed in? Who's going to stuck on a mountain? And more importantly, who's going to get thrown off the top of a cliff?"
THIS FANFIC IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY RAID: SHADOW LEGENDS...
...wait, this thing can't legally make money. I can't just tell people about the console-quality graphics, the movie-quality gameplay and look at the all of these champions!
High quality and big booby-
(RIP Deadpool's intro skit, 01:55-01:57, 11th January 2023 aka you won't get an normal intro at all until something happens, idk.)
"FUCK THIS NIGGA, BRO! YOU CAN'T JUST DO THAT SHIT AROUND HERE!" Riley shouted and whoever had a problem with him...was a problem.
Coachman was a whole problem for a lot of people back on his home world and through his own efforts, it didn't change here either and he honestly couldn't care less.
"Can you please all calm down for a second." Samurai Jack tried to say. "We do not kill other campers around here."
"I'm considering it." Samus stated, as she was starting get into Dante's rabbit hole. "Really am, he did eliminate Snake."
Samus, Riley, Kyo and Bayonetta in paricular had liked the old man a lot less.
"I don't know if that's-" Samurai Jack got cut off.
"Look, I'm only saying that because Tanya was cool, hot and not gay. He's gay." Riley made the rawest insult. "Dude even sucks at the game."
"...I guess so." Samurai Jack stated, still trying to pacify the Capybaras' collective rage. "I get why all of you are so angry, but it's not wise to give into anger especially now."
"What the hell's your advice?" Samus snapped at Samurai Jack, who didn't really have anything to say...taken aback.
"I just gave it."
"Oh."
*Tails' confessional*
The fox was mad.
"I get why I'd be nominated and why Tifa would be eliminated, we're both very strong with one our thing, mine being my smarts and Tifa being her awesome strength. But there's no way six people all decided to vote Tifa without being in an alliance and certain people are hanging together...and having strategic conversations." He explained.
*Confessional cut*
Basil wasn't even close to the only one with questions that wouldn't get answers, as it was a snow day on Pahkitew Island and no day's like a snow day to get some more legally binding torture, as Leshawna could easily attest to.
While the Capybaras obviously hated his guts, what wasn't unexpected was that his team hated the old man for actually the same exact reason that the other team hated him, which definitely helped because he was quite the unpleasant man.
"Oh god, he's back." Leshawna answered. "Hey, what do you have to say for yourself?"
"Seriously, you eliminated Kipo with some epic scheme...or something!" Uraraka said, not sure about the circumstances of the accidental sabotage.
"It was not some epic scheme, I made a mistake and that mistake improved my game by accident...besides, I still knocked out two people." Coachman explained with a shit-eating grin. "And you can't do nothing about it."
Uraraka just was more mad than anyone else, Leshawna just rolled her eyes and then someone else had to step up or else-
"I apologise for breaking Tiana's legs, she was just there." Coachman continued, for seemingly no reason. "And I do not apologise for Kipo's situation, because she forgot to turn back."
-that was technically true, in this gathering of contestants, technically true was very suspect coming from that man and surprisingly Rock could see the future of this argument.
"He's kinda right, but you could've cared, man." Rock said, almost blind to Clover's glare. "Seriously, though, we kinda won, since there was only one elimination here...I think."
"Look, why are you making excuse for this guy!" Dante's back in style...and volume. "Think, man, think."
"Uh, because we're a team...probably." Rock stated, as Clover looked at him meanly. "Clover, babe, how would you handle this guy?"
"Jail."
Rock thought about that reponse for a second.
"She's got a point there."
"Uh, yeah, I do! You're really bad at this game, like, get some actual strategy, old man!" Clover just dropped the insult...
...which actually made the Coachman think.
And thinking was a bit of problem with the nameless senior.
*Coachman's confessional*
He was definitely calm.
"Ah yes, some actual strategy, like what I'm going to do to Azula and Basil given enough time and making sure that you don't suspect a thing when you're eliminated. I would say more, but this food gives me quite the fucking headache." He spat out spitefully.
*Confessional cut*
But outside of the confessional...he wasn't going to say that.
"Eh, you could worry about it later." He answered, as Clover looked at him suspiciously.
"You really should, though, 'cause-" Clover may have wanted to finish that statement. "-uh, we got nothing."
Dante just practically being held back by Pinstripe, Yumeko and Sol at that point wanting a slice of the old man literally and as he was held back, he span around like he was about to get backstabbed literally.
Sol just put the hand sign for "stop."
"I would if he doesn't keep on trying to make my day worse. Yesterday's vote, a whole bunch of episodes before the challenges, his general shittiness, you know, the classics." Dante remarked.
"Then don't respond...he's only responding because you're responding weirdly enough. It's not really fun when it becomes a fighting match between two dudes..." Yumeko said.
"...I'm honestly trying but man, it's too much fun to roast that man."
"And then what?" Yumeko asked. "You're clearly becoming someone that you know you don't want to be...just to say funny quips? Just ask Deadpool, he's clearly eager."
"For his sake, I'm not going to let him to do that!" Dante definitely saw Deadpool storming up some words, as Pinstripe just shrugged. "Seriously, you know what-"
"You know what? I saw my other counterpart do some crazy stuff and come out better and plus, I've been a side character for too long!" Deadpool yelled, as Sol had a good look of dread.
"Okay, then do it."
"Doing it, then."
Dante just sighed, as Sol had a look of dread, Yumeko was actually happy and Deadpool was about to...look at the old man seriously, as the rest of the team looked at him like he was insane.
Which wasn't too far off from the truth, as the guy was about to unplug a charger and casually carry it.
"Look, I'm not the man with the plan, but you can chill for a second? My guys and my girls are trying to our daily requirement of getting bad food from Chef Hatchet...so can we be big boys like me!" Deadpool had to say it. "Also, I'm gonna be gaming!"
The whole team was just looking at him like he just unplugged a IV.
"Thanks, I'm here all episode!"
And they still looked at him like that.
*Uraraka's confessional*
She was stone-faced.
"He's a little confused...but he's got the spirit." Uraraka answered.
*Sol's confessional*
"I'm not sure what he's doing, but it's definitely working because the whole squad was laughing at him." He remarked with a smile, which turned into a frown. "Which isn't me."
*Azula's confessional*
She just sighed angrily.
"This team is the definition of incompetence like a iceberg that somehow melts before even doing anything...or a ship that cuts through the fog and then dies from a single cannon hit. You get it?" She said, honestly tired of the teams.
*Confessional cut*
The whole team had been laughing for a whole minute, as Deadpool just sat back down like he had owned the room, which wasn't too far from the truth.
"I rest my case."
And when the laughs ended, the whole team was ridiculously silent.
"...It sucks." Sol said, breaking the silence.
"And I made it myself, too!" Deadpool whined too.
*Lowain's confessional*
The fox man was excited.
"Yumeko's on a team with that guy and Joseph is on a team with me! Now that's a power square, brah, invented that stuff today...no wait, it's probably already a thing." Lowain remarked.
*Confessional cut*
After that barrage of confessionals, you'd think that the wild stuff wouldn't happen any more in this paragraph...which was actually half true with the alliance that time forgot inside a cabin that was somehow very well hidden and also very well placed for a super-alliance.
"I'm sorry, that you forgot-"
Deadpool found himself up against Kyo, Squirrel Girl, Basil, Bayonetta, Tails and...wait was that-
"Uh, since when did you come here?" Deadpool asked.
"Since an hour ago, why?"
Unsurprisingly, Clover had to make some moves.
"But why are you here?! You're like the ultimate neutral guy."
"...What the fuck-But I'm not really that. I'm all for getting Coachman off this show just like you guys." Deadpool shouted. "It's also awesome to watch him do stuff."
"Huh."
Clover and Deadpool were officially inducted into the Donkey Heads, who were just taking some serious irony to their names and their lack of doing things.
"Serious question, what do you guys even do here?" Deadpool asked. "You ever cut off a head before because I might have and you know..."
"...Yes, but they were angels..." Bayonetta looked at him rather seriously. "Stop asking weird questions."
"What do we do? Oh, WHAT WE DO IS HERE IS CRAZY!" Kyo boasted, as he was just burning another piece of paper.
There was tables, a bunch of random shit, papers that were out in the open for failed plans and maybe one or two chargers.
"Yep, nothing sure is crazy." Squirrel Girl asked. "At least we can fuck around without being found out!"
"Oooh, incredible." Deadpool was borderline making fun of Kyo. "Finally a place to hang out without my team thinking I'm evil."
"Alright, that's cool. So how do we wreck Coachman?" Squirrel Girl asked, as Clover was freaking out over cobwebs...and Tails was fixing another drone. "This is the alliance to kill him metaphorically, right?"
"Metaphorically, yes!" Basil shouted from the far corners, working on some more chemistry. "But it hasn't been doing for the past few episodes because it can't due to how Coachman's performed."
"...Has it been that good?" Squirrel Girl remarked, standing on a table.
"...Yes! He's apparently responsible for four eliminations three challenges ago, he won immunity in the horrifically annoying spooky challenge and he's safe in spite of crushing some random camper...what do you want us to do, get caught in his plans, yes?" Basil angrily asked, as the detective was plain annoyed with the oblivious-ness of the squirrel hero.
"So, we need the best plan! How does Sam do this again?" Clover asked, since she was a spy that wasn't allowed to do spy stuff...
...for obvious reasons.
"Actually, that is quite hard, because as much as your team hates him and our team's officially united against your team, Coachman's not above vote stuffing, vote manipulation through his hypnosis and much more importantly, he's stuck with the most powerful alliance!" Tails shouted. "Urgh, I hate that guy! Almost as much as I don't like Eggman."
"Again, what's your beef with this Eggman dude?" Kyo was definitely listening, as he was writing some epic poetry.
"Uh...every year or so, he decides on a new way to either torture our world or try and defeat Sonic usually without regard to whoever he harms. And he could easily make incredible inventions, but I guess hating Sonic is that important to him." Tails explained, finally fixing up the drone.
The short explaination got a lot of silence in the room, as Tails was a bit nervous about sharing his story, even having a nervous smile.
"You guys probably have wilder stories."
"No, no, I'm actually rather interested in your story."
*Basil's confessional*
The mouse looked inquisitive, willing to listen some more.
"This island has been legal torture for about a month and almost a half, and so far, I have been either trying to investigate in a way that's impossible to do here, helping the team out or struggling to socialise over the most annoying people here." Basil answered. "My god...I have been miserable to be around in this game about socialising."
*Confessional cut*
With all of that said, Terry and Joseph arrived into the cabin without anyone noticing and they weren't noticed until...Clover looked at them rather seriously.
"Guys, new members just joined the club!" Clover shouted.
"...They aren't bad people, just ruffians." Basil answered, as Bayonetta gave a weird look at him.
"Half of these guys are ruffians, so-" Bayonetta replied to Basil's slightly demeaning remark.
"Oh my gosh, Joseph, welcome to the Donkey Heads!" Clover shouted. "We could use another cute boy for this alliance."
Basil and Bayo both had a look of "Does she know?", as Joseph had to say one more thing, you know getting hit on and all.
"But I'm married, man! To an Italian woman no less!" Joseph shouted, as Clover froze like a rock. "I'm not going to cheat on my wife that early."
Clover was still frozen, as Deadpool sneaked up to try and make her react to something, as the merc with the mouth and Squirrel Girl came up to him.
"Anyways, Kyo told us two about the alliance because...of the incident and I can't say no to a strategic alliance and more importantly, this guy's a friend." Terry sat down, chilling in the seats. "I thought this place was dusty."
"Well, all of us took the time to clean it." Tails remarked, popping in front of Deadpool. "It was a team effort besides Kyo."
Tails, Kyo, Joseph, Terry, Bayonetta, Basil, Squirrel Girl, Clover, Deadpool and...that was it for some reason, as the Donkey Heads were finally in business and what was the first order of business.
"What do we even do, though? You guys hate that Coachman fella?" Terry asked.
"Yes." All of the remaining Foxes answered.
"...Holy shit...you guys just lose for your whole team's sakes. Unless he pulls some Chris Head out of his own butts, that's surely going to send him home!" Terry remarked, practically out of the blue. "You guys got better ideas?"
The silent smiles marked the moment that the first actual move were made and four of the many team members of the Foxes shared the plain hatred for Coachman, as the nine of them had better things to do.
"You guys wanna hang with your own team?" Terry asked.
"That's all we can do at the end of the day." Basil answered. "...But I don't know if our presence was very apparent."
*Tails' confessional*
He has a bit scared of the obvious collapse of the villain.
"Man, with this alliance, we're either going to control the game by accident or end up getting cut down by Coachman's creatively evil strategies." Tails explained. "...Reg, I hope you're not a victim of his moves."
*Confessional cut*
Hilariously, the exact opposite was going on at the same exact time with two of the most..."alliance-y" alliance in the game, as Pinstripe, Iori and Nicole had the sense to stay back, Yumeko was just there to watch this trainwreck and the two main members were both salty about the thing.
Where were they?
Behind the hut where both Azula had to try and make Coachman intimidated, which was literally impossible and...so it was extremely awkward, complete with an old man's eye roll.
"...Why are you so angry?" Coachman asked like he was one in control. "I did eliminate two people, one of which was incredibly strong."
"It's not the fact that you did it. It's the fact that you clearly haven't considered the consequences of such an action as in your accident cause your reputation to plummet." Azula answered, as she saw the old man open his mouth. "Much more importantly, you're very important to this alliance that Yumeko and you created and I still don't care if you lose. Just don't be an idiot.
Yumeko felt called out.
"I just wanted to gamble!" She whined.
"And you did it and we still do...a fair amount, really." Coachman answered. "Besides what have you done?"
"Eliminated potentially the strongest contestant in the game, Snake. It's not about numbers, it's also about reputation and strategy, two of which your accident basically destroyed for yourself." Azula just kept on going, finally putting the old man to the wall.
"My god, it's about you isn't it? Trust me, I have both the immunity things and the other techniques to avoid elimination and for a long time, you have done nothing." Coachman argued quite heatedly. "Also, I practically won the previous two challenges!"
"And yet, I'm still well-liked by my team. For the record, nobody besides Pinstripe likes you, which if you even take a step out of line, would result in a barrage of votes being shot your way." Azula was genuinely starting to get tired of the argument, as the Fire Nation princess.
At this point, Yumeko was starting to get not interested, Coachman just started to chuckle with his back to the wall.
"...Oh, that's interesting." Coachman said, faking being crestfallen. "You just want me to do what I always do?"
"Yes, but I will not hesitate to vote for you if-"
"GOOD MORNING, YOU GUYS READY FOR YOUR CHALLENGE!" Chris announced like he was about to play some NBA. "YEAH, THE SNOW THAT JUST HAPPENED TODAY? VERY IMPORTANT TO TODAY'S AWESOME CHALLENGE!"
*Azula's confessional*
"I am both impressed by him managing to eliminate at least six people in the previous two challenges and unimpressed by his insubordinance of people that challenge authority. Since last challenge, that has extended to the entire team and...obviously, if I pretend that he is worth something, he'll get eliminated regardless of our alliance or see the competition that I'm seeing." She explained, straight-forward and sure. "More importantly, I know that he voted for Dante."
*Yumeko's confessional*
She was thinking. (She did managed to reach the top of the hallowed halls of Hyakkou Academy, the gambling academy.)
"As much as Coachman is blase about being hated, being hated means that you're practically set for elimination like a good chunk of the old seasons and...that other show. As much as I kinda hate him, having him in the alliance will keep Azula in the game, if only because the creep's desperate to...do the obvious!"
She chuckled.
"Oh yeah, I have to teach Lowain the ways of craps!"
*Confessional cut*
All of the remaining campers, 48 to be exact, were set up in a very specific place and there was one question that was running through the campers' minds, as they were at a very distinct start line at the start of the snowier areas of Pahkitew.
For the record, the start line was lined with a bunch of wood that was definitely put there deliberately and big enough to fit 48 campers.
"Why is there snow today?" Rock vocalised everybody. "Man, this challenge is going to be awesome!"
"It's not." Sol butted in. "It's Chris."
"It's snowing, man, have a smile!" Rock bumped the bounty hunting grump on his shoulder, as Sol looked at him. "Alright."
"Welcome to your next challenge, a challenge built by snow and by getting a bunch of people to stop you guys from doing things. Get ready to climb up Mount Pahkitew, the mountain that has as many obstacles as it has ways of climbing up the path! There's so many ways you campers could take it...climbing up walls, going into caves that don't make sense, hiking really fast or just jumping up the mountain." Chris announced, as these guys were definitely raring to go at whatever the challenge.
"But you'd just get lost if you were alone up on a mountain...pfft...nah, dude, you can go it alone or get your friends, but the first three of each team receive immunity win or lose and the last person to arrive at the top...makes their team lose! Simple, dude!"
The 49 campers just looked at the host like he had some more surprises in store, which his smile both suggested.
"Any questions?"
"You won't answer them." Sol almost interrupted Chris.
Chris' smile turned into a frown instantly, despite there being many hands raised that knowingly dropped.
"Ok, I was going to answer those questions, but I guess Sol knows better. Anyways, you guys ready to run? Alright, that's cool, GO!"
The host made sure that everyone but the bounty hunting guy went on ahead, as there was...a lot ahead of these campers' start of the challenge, as Sol ran on ahead.
"These guys are going to try and guess what's ahead! They're gonna be wrong, Chef." Chris boasted, as Chef Hatchet pulled out with the sniping meatballs.
"Real wrong, Chris." Chef cocked it out.
'
The 25 campers of the Chill Capybaras and the 24 campers of the Fiery Foxes were trying to either go ham on doing some stuff to further their game, thinking or straight up not having a good time.
Hilariously, these three were the third category and they were both what you expected...and not what you expected, as Samus, Ryuko and Nicole all had their reasons...with Terry being the coolest head in the cave entrance.
"What do you want to do?" Terry asked. "I think all we have to avenge our friends is win, right?"
"TERRY IS RIGHT!" Nicole suddenly yelled, putting Terry off his whole thing. "We have to destroy that Coachman guy for good reason!"
"FUCK YEAH!" Ryuko shouted.
"Let's go, then." Samus shouted. "We have an old man to kill!"
"It's a metaphor, you guys!" Terry was taken aback by the ladies' killing intent. "Man, I'm mad too, but you don't see me wanting to kill that old man."
"...Uh, yeah, of course it was a metaphor." Samus said, clearly in some kind of mood. "Besides, I'm going my own way."
"Why?" Terry asked, like he didn't vote for Snake. "You've got a good team right here!"
"In this game, no-one's safe from a backstab or an alliance voting you off and I really need that invicibility! And I'm pretty sure that I could metaphorically kill that old man with enough votes!" Samus yelled at the three of them, not even noticing how loud she was.
"...We would, but there's one problem." Nicole said.
The four of them were up against the cave's weirdly narrow path that was practically designed to let this guy have his lost word and he was back for more.
Samus just raised an eyebrow at the reappearance of this guy along with Nicole...but Terry just smirked and Ryuko prepared her sword for the odd obstacles that were clearly carved out of the rock and...it looked like it required team of two or more.
"This cave doesn't allow us to go solo, which means you're going to-"
Nicole would have said more, but angry Samus just went off anyways.
"-Alright, I guess she's done listening." Nicole remarked, as the other two were looking ready. "I bet Chris has some stupid stuff for us."
"Well, yeah, I do have that and way, way more!" Chris had to emphasise.
To be continued in the second part of the snow-covered mountain for Pahkitew Island and it has some bizarre locations and a few familiar faces that have yet to show up for the previous episodes...in case Chris wanted more drama, which meant that the campers will be tortured more.
[Everybody knows there's nary an easy challenge on the horizon]
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If you're wondering why I'm doing this, it's a combination of love for a good chunk of these characters, pure commitment to the fanfic (I've canned a shit-ton of fanfics before), me trying to get actual writing cred through experience and most importantly, all of you guys just viewing the thing out of sheer fascination.
[Long story short: I really like that I'm gonna commit.]