The Reclusive Music Producer and The Journalist

by areaderofmanythings

Chloe is Rolling Stone Magazine's newest intern, she's left Atlanta to start life over in San Francisco. Beca's a cute regular who she befriends at the part time job she has until getting hired on at the magazine. What happens when Beca isn't straightforward about who she is and Chloe refuses to talk about her past? Will Chloe ever get the cover story she's dreamed about for years?

12. Chapter 12

I'm back for another installment of the Reclusive Music Producer, so sorry for keeping you guys waiting, but perfection takes time ;)

Big shoutout to my buddy and awesome beta sugarlandaddict23 for cranking out this chapter before she heads out on vacation. If you haven't checked it out head over and read her fic Fallen. She updated it recently and it's a fic of fluffy goodness!

Disclaimer: PP how I wished I owned you but I don't and I don't own any quotes/songs/references, but I will take fill responsibility for any and all mistakes!

And now on with the show...Cheers!

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Four weeks later…

Bending over her desk, Beca scrutinized the music score for the James Bond title song. After having sat for hours at her beach house trying to come up with a clever title that played off her lyrics, she had simply titled it Skyfall. Naming it something like 'Where Worlds Collide' didn't feel right, it was too wordy and didn't roll off the tongue as beautifully as Skyfall.

The only requirement from the movie studio was that the song title and lyrics couldn't contain any 'spoilers', but Beca was allowed to allude to whatever she wanted. So that's what she did and she threw in some intentional double meaning. She wanted to have a song that could stand on its own without the help of a movie to back it up, so she threw all of her emotions into it. She didn't want the stereotypical macho man with a gun type of vibe that seemed to run rampant in Madonna's Die Another Day or Duran Duran's A View To A Kill, she wanted something darker. She wanted something deep rooted with feelings of hurt and abandonment; she wanted something that epitomized how she felt that morning Chloe walked out on her.

That first morning Chloe had been gone was rough and it wasn't just because of the massive hangover and injured hand, it was because she was completely alone. When she finally ventured downstairs her house had been empty, everyone had left her. All her friends had conjured up excuses to leave, granted some more believable than others, but in the end she didn't have the heart to be upset with any of them except for Chloe. Her friends probably thought staying wasn't exactly kosher after everything that had happened the day before. So she spent her whole first day alone, angry, sulking and sad, and that's what made her realize her first draft of Skyfall needed to be rewritten.

It's amazing what emotions can come out of someone when their entire world collapses around them. Beca had dug deep for her new lyrics and even deeper for the dark, melodramatic undertones for the backing music. Now though, after brooding and wallowing in self-pity for a few weeks, she was back in San Francisco. She loved her beach house and Malibu, but she missed San Francisco, her home and her studio. Gail had offered to rent her one of those fancy studios in downtown LA for first draft run throughs, but she refused. Her studio was comfortable, had character and history, and it's where she has made some of her best music. Plus she knows everyone in the building and can easily run into any of movie or TV recording session to test out an arrangement with the orchestra without having to schedule full sessions.

Beca's phone chimed from the corner of her desk and her eyes flipped to it. She couldn't see the name on the screen, but she had a feeling she knew exactly who it was. Reaching across the desk she grabbed it then dropped down into her chair. Staring at the blacked out screen, for what seems like an hour, she eventually pressed the home button, entered her pass code and went straight to her text message app. Her finger hovered over Chloe's name at the top of the list as she debated about opening and reading the full message.

Beca could never really tell from one day to the next if their conversations were going to be good or bad. They could spend the whole day sending benign texts back and forth about light and easy topics or things could go south quickly and they end up disagreeing about inconsequential, stupid shit. Part of the reason for the ever growing tension is because Chloe left and Beca is holding this massive grudge that she can't let go of, but their main problem is that they don't talk. Hell the only communication they've had has been through text messages or emails. Chloe simply refuses to answer any call or video chat that Beca sends and then has the nerve to ask her to be 'more patient' in a text that comes seconds later.

And Beca gets that Chloe's having a hard time with whatever she's going through right now. What little information Beca has gotten, which is sporadic at best, she can't tell if the help Chloe's getting is even working because the minute she asks a follow-up question either the subject gets changed or Chloe just stops replying. But if Beca had to wager a guess Chloe is probably doing a combination of things, like seeing a doctor and maybe even going to group meetings. In Beca's mind it totally makes sense, because she initially started off doing both too. She hadn't been to many group grief sessions, they weren't really her style, but the handful she did attend helped her see that her reactions to losing her mom were completely normal and that she really wasn't alone.

The thing that bothers Beca the most is that Chloe knows, in detail, all about her therapy sessions, but she knows nothing about Chloe's. It's like Chloe is still hiding things from her and is dangling just enough information at her to keep her satisfied. But Beca knows without a doubt that any reputable doctor, including her own, wouldn't recommend anyone closing themselves off like that. People need moral and physical support from the people they love and for Beca it was nice knowing that she had this amazing girlfriend who was there for her.

In all honesty, Beca's fed up with being left in the dark and the constant draining arguments. Fuck just two days ago they had a huge fight at three in the morning because Chloe accused her of not being 'sympathetic and understanding' about everything she was going through. And if it wasn't for the fact that she knows Chloe is hurting and under a ton of stress, Beca would have broken things off right then and there. Chloe's emotions are on high alert so Beca tends to be a little more on the forgiving after they argue.

Even though Beca wants to keep blindly ignoring the fact that their relationship is crumbling, she can't and it's breaking her heart because she's not sure how much longer she can hang on. It's past the point of Chloe's 'I need a couple of weeks to get my head on straight' phase and it hurts because Beca did give Chloe that time, but she hasn't gotten anything in return.

Light knocking on her office door made Beca swivel her chair and give a halfhearted smile to Emily who was standing just inside with an armful of folders. Locking her phone she set it aside and moved her glasses to the top of her head to tiredly rub her eyes.

"Hey boss lady," Emily tried to joke after being motioned in, "How's the song revisions coming along?"

Picking up a pencil, Beca rolled her chair closer to her desk, "Really good actually," she looked down at the sheet music as she twirled the pencil between her fingers, "I'm almost ready for another full orchestra run through."

"Nice," giving a smile, Emily gingerly set the files down on an empty chair. Glancing down at the sheet music on Beca's desk she let her eyes follow the upside down notes. She loved how Beca's highly organized chaos eventually came together in beautiful music. "How come you're not doing this on your computer," she asked after a brief silence. Looking over to the screen she saw a picture of Beca and Chloe smiling happily for the camera with their arms wrapped around each other as the background picture, "Right sorry…"

"It's ok…" Beca lightly chuckled, "It's easier for me to play through the music in my head and see where I fucked up when it's all out in the open like this."

That reason was only partially true because yeah Chloe's picture wasn't really helping either, seemed to distract Emily from continuing to point out the oblivious. Pressing the control, shift and power buttons on her iMac, Beca locked the screen and easily laughed along with her assistant.

"I like how you're giving it that classic James Bond brassy feel, but still keeping it dark and mysterious," Emily said, "I can't wait to see the movie!"

Emily's enthusiasm wasn't exactly what Beca was going for with the song, but this was Emily, the person who could make a funeral fun, "I think Adele is going to nail it."

Emily vigorously nodded with a giant smile, "Me too…Oh," she snapped her fingers, "when you do a run through with the lyrics, can I listen in?"

"Well," Beca rocked her chair from side to side prolonging her answer while watching Emily bounce around on the balls of her feet in anticipation. It was kind of like watching a kid waiting in line to visit a mall Santa at Christmas and it made her smile grow, "It'll probably be late next week and something tells me," she smirked making Emily freeze, "you're using me just to watch Benji work."

Emily's face flashed bright red and she sputtered out a, "N-no, that's n-not it. I want," she shook out her hands and swallowed hard, "to be there in case you need anything."

Beca raised a suspicious eyebrow, "So your boyfriend has nothing to do with it?"

Emily squeaked out a quick, "Yes…" then let out an embarrassed breath while looking up to the ceiling, "I mean no, he doesn't, we keep it professional at work."

Ever since Outside Lands Music Festival, Emily and Benji have been inseparable and the new 'it couple' around studio and Beca loved to antagonize them every chance she got. Benji constantly made those love struck googly eyes at Emily and that only made Emily flounder and trip over words, chairs and even air more so than normal. It was endearing and hilarious all at the same time, but they were a welcome distraction from the turmoil of Beca's current relationship with Chloe.

"I know," Beca burst out laughing. "Dude, I'm just messing with you."

"I knew that," Emily tried to hide her blushing face as she smoothed her hair down.

"Riiiigggghhhhtttt…" Beca dragged out then winked when eyes landed back on her. "So what's up?"

"Two things…" Emily flashed the peace sign. "One do you mind if I leave work a little early on Friday?"

"Nope," Beca's phone chimed again and they both glanced at it. This time it was close enough to easily see Chloe's name. Clearing her throat she sat up straighter pretending not to pay attention, "I'm done for the week after today, so that's one less thing for you to worry about," she flashed a grin and they both laughed, "Feel free to leave whenever."

Emily nodded with an excited smile, "Thanks! So number two, I hate to push work stuff on you during your break, but do you mind going over these files." Picking the folder off the top of the stack she opened it, "I left a sticky note on the pages that need your signature," her finger played with a hot pink Post-It arrow. "It's nothing major just the usual operational junk."

"Nice pun," Beca got this confused look and she playfully rolled her eyes, "You know your last name is Junk and you just said junk," she got nothing just crickets, "you know what, forget I said anything."

"Sorry," Emily shrugged.

"Anyway, I'll have them done before I leave," Beca's phone chimed again and she bit the eraser on her pencil with a deep sigh. "Also can you order me a grilled chicken salad from that place down the street," she tried to ignore her phone by ordering lunch, but all Emily did was give her this sad and sympathetic smile, "I'm heading to the gym so I don't need it right now."

Emily just nodded, "Anything else?"

Tossing her pencil aside, Beca was grateful Emily didn't ask any questions when she flipped her phone upside down so they couldn't see the screen, "I'm doing that strength and conditioning class, so can you get me some fruit too?"

"Definitely," Emily said moving towards the door, "I can have it here by one, is that cool?"

Standing Beca checked her watch then stretched. She hadn't anticipated going to the gym this early, but she was mentally, physically and sexually frustrated and she just needed to release some stress, "One thirty please…"

Emily smiled and nodded again, "Are the workouts helping?"

The change Emily saw in the Beca from two months ago versus the Beca she saw today was amazing. Beca still had her sarcastic and funny ways, but taking a step back from work has made her boss happier and healthier and way more relaxed.

Plopping back down in her chair Beca sighed, "Yeah I think so, I hated them at first but now, I don't know I just feel like I'm going to lose my mind if I don't do something."

"I understand," Emily answered.

"I have Chloe to thank for that," Beca looked down at her fingers.

"Things will get better," the deep frown Emily saw spoke volumes, "she'll come around."

Reaching for her phone Beca flipped it back over, "I just miss her."

"I know, but hopefully she's getting better," Emily conceded with an uncharacteristic frown that made Beca look away.

"I hope so too…" When their eyes eventually reconnected the sad look Beca had seen on Emily's face had vanished and was replaced with the typical I love everything and everyone smile.

"Ok I'm off to start your lunch order," Emily turned on her heel and headed towards the door.

"Emily," putting on a smile that anyone could read right through, Beca waited for her assistant to turn back to her, "grab yourself something too. And so help me god," she held up a hand preventing the coming protest, "I won't take no for an answer. I don't want Aubrey or Chloe claiming I'm working you like a slave, I treat my employees right!"

Emily just laughed, "I'll get right on top of that boss lady."

"Oh one more thing, how many people are waiting for me out front?" Beca just wanted to dip out to the gym and back without much hassle from her fans.

"Are you asking me if it's best to leave from the front or the back door?"

Beca just laughed, "Yes…"

Since Beca has been back in town Emily has noticed that there were always people hanging around the studio's front door trying to catch glimpse of her boss. Thankfully people weren't camping out day and night like they did the first few days Beca had made headlines, but the crowds had been dwindling the more Beca made an appearance. Since Beca is a high profile celebrity, Emily figures fans will probably always be around and she thinks that Beca, despite the unforeseen circumstances that lead to her identity being revealed, realizes that too and has opted to take the high road. For the most part Beca has been very accommodating, she signs autographs and takes pictures, and if time permits she even spends a few minutes chatting. It was something unique from the person who had spent their entire life trying to remain private.

Emily thought back to the last time she checked the security cameras, "There may be one or two people hanging around."

"Awesome," Beca grinned, that means she could easily slip out with the hoard of studio musicians when they bolted for lunch at eleven, "Thanks dude."

"No problemo!"

And with that, Emily was gone and Beca was left alone holding her phone in a death grip. There was only so much staring she could do at the black screen before curiosity got the best of her and she unlocked her phone to pull up her text messages.

The Girlfriend [10:29AM]: Bec I'm sorry about the other night. I know you care and I'm sorry I accused you of being insensitive…

The Girlfriend [10:37AM]: I'd like to talk, can I call you tonight?

Beca rolled her eyes, after almost a month of text messages now Chloe wants to call. She wasn't sure how to even respond, maybe agreeing then giving Chloe a taste of her own medicine by refusing to answer or sending everything straight to voicemail was the way to go.

The Girlfriend [10:46AM]: Aubrey said you were back in town, why didn't you tell me?

Bitterly laughing, Beca furiously typed out her response.

Beca [10:51AM]: Would it really matter? You never told me you were leaving so I never told you I was back.

The reply took a couple minutes, with the typing message bubble popping up then stopping then popping up again. Beca could just picture Chloe staring at her phone biting her lower lip in worry trying to figure out the perfect thing to say.

The Girlfriend [10:54AM]: You're right, I'm sorry.

Beca probably could've been a little less harsh with her message considering the circumstances, but Chloe had hurt her so much lately that it felt justified. She knows she let her resentment get the best of her, that's why she toned down her next message.

Beca [10:55AM]: I've been lost without you Chloe…

The Girlfriend [10:56]: And I think about you all the time Bec, I miss you…

Tossing her phone on the desk Beca slumped in her chair as she ran her hands tiredly along her face. She knows how Chloe is feeling, she misses her girlfriend like crazy too and it's been rough going from an amazing relationship to whatever it is they are doing now. She can't even remember the last time they told each other 'I love you' and that's killing Beca. Despite everything that's happening in their worlds right now she is still madly and hopelessly in love with Chloe. Yet she doesn't know if saying those three words would really make that much of a difference at this point.

Beca's phone chimed again, opening her eyes she reluctantly grabbed it.

The Girlfriend [10:59AM]: I've got to go, but I'm free after 6:30. I'll leave it up to you to call.

Beca [11:01AM]: I'll think about it.

Beca quickly placed her phone in the top drawer of her desk so she wouldn't be tempted to check it every five minutes at the gym. Reaching for her bag she fished her keys out of an inside pocket and locked her desk drawer before standing and heading out.

---

Tonight, standing in front the bright blue door labeled 6B, never felt so daunting. Beca has been in front of this door what felt like a thousand times, a few even resulted in Chloe's back firmly pressed against it as they unabashedly made out after a date, but never did she feel this jittery. Normally she uses the key Chloe gave her months ago to let herself in, but tonight was different, it just didn't feel right.

Chloe didn't know she was coming and Beca had blatantly done that on purpose. The first half of her workout had gone by quickly and the high intensity strength and conditioning class kept her mind off Chloe, but it was during the follow up yoga session that really gave her time to think. She had run through dozens of scenarios in her mind trying to justify her reasons for not talking to Chloe, but in the end she came to the conclusion that she would be an awful girlfriend if she didn't at least try.

Although, Beca's not quite sure what prompted her to show up on Chloe's doorstep instead of calling. Subconsciously she knows it's because it'll be harder for Chloe to just end their conversation if they are face to face, plus it has been a month and she just wants to physically see her girlfriend. It's a delicate situation and she doesn't know what kind of excuse she'll come up with if she's asked why she is here.

Lifting her fist Beca lightly knocked it against the door and just waited. A full minute went by and she was about to knock again when she heard the deadbolt slide out of place and the handle begin to turn. Straightening her back, she put on a soft smile trying to look halfway happy to be here, but when the door opened revealing Stacie, her whole demeanor deflated.

"Beca, hey," Stacie surprisingly said seeing her friend standing there with takeaway bags in hand and wearing a sad expression. Leaning against the doorframe she easily smiled, "I didn't know you'd be gracing me with your presence tonight."

"I umm…" Beca tilted up on her tiptoes and peered inside the condo over Stacie's shoulder. All the lights were on and she could barely hear the TV playing in the background. "Yeah, I…" she settled back into place and glanced up at Stacie, "I wasn't expecting you to be here either."

At the sound of Beca's voice Billie came bolting around the corner from the living and down the small hallway to the front door. She cracked a smile when the tiny, white fluffy dog perched her front paws on her left leg and excitedly wagged her tail. Stooping down she gave a quick greeting and scratch behind the ears before Billie happily ventured back inside and probably to her usual spot on the end of the couch.

Gathering her takeaway bags, Beca gave another glance into the apartment as she stood. Apparently Stacie was the type of moral support Chloe needed right now, which was kind of strange, because Beca would've figured Aubrey, the best friend, would be the one standing here right now. Chloe had her reasons for choosing one person over another and Beca didn't want Stacie to have to choose sides when the inevitable argument about it began so she overlooked it.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt you and Chloe. I'll just," Beca pointed back towards the elevator, "yeah I'll go."

"Beca," Stacie reached out and placed a hand on a retreating shoulder, "Chloe's not here." Grey-blue eyes shot to hers in alarm and she pulled her hand back, "I haven't seen her since," she vaguely tiptoed around the subject, "well you know."

"Yeah well, same here," Beca's mouth formed a tight line.

Pushing off the doorframe with a sympathetic smile Stacie said, "Why don't you come in? I'm just hanging out and could use the company."

Letting out a slow breath Beca debated, she kind of didn't want to talk to anyone except Chloe. Lately she's been fielding random fishing text messages from Stacie and Jessica by blaming her lack of appearance at the deli totally on the Skyfall song. So needless to say she doesn't want to get into anything tonight.

Before Beca could give a long drawn out excuse Stacie had snagged her laptop bag strap hauling her across the threshold and swiftly closing the door behind them.

"Want something to drink?" Stacie asked over her shoulder as she wandered down the short hall to the kitchen. When she didn't get a response she turned and found Beca just staring at Chloe's closed art room door, "Beca…?"

"What? Yeah sorry," Beca shook away the confliction and turned back to Stacie. Resigning to the fact that she wasn't going to be allowed to leave she said, "I feel like I need a beer."

Stacie nodded with an easy smile before walking over to the fridge, "Chloe left the place stocked for me, I think I saw some Anchor Steam in here."

"You know the way to my heart Stace," Beca tried to joke, but deep down she was hurting, because Chloe knew that was her favorite beer and always kept some around. Depositing her takeout bags on the counter and slipping her laptop bag to the ground she reached for a bottle. Twisting the cap off, she clinked it with Stacie's then took a sip. "You know," she focused on the bottle's label, "Chloe says she keeps these in the fridge for me, but I think she secretly likes them now too."

Stacie just laughed from behind her bottle as she took another swig. Setting it on the counter she got her first chance to really look at Beca as her friend sat in one of the barstools and began peeling the label off the bottle. For the most part Beca was doing a decent job at hiding her emotions, but as soon as Stacie opened the door she saw right though the façade. Beca was broken and although Stacie will never say anything she saw how Beca nearly burst into tears when she found out Chloe wasn't here.

"So…" Stacie dragged out, "What did you bring for dinner?"

Beca shifted her gaze to the bag sitting between them, "Oh umm, Indian food from the place Chloe says reminds her of her time in India or whatever…"

After lunch, Beca had spent a majority of her time just staring at her music and ended up accomplishing nothing. All she could think about was the upcoming conversation they were supposed to have and before she knew it, it was well past six. So she packed up and on a whim decided to stop by Chloe's instead of calling. The fact that she stopped at Chloe's favorite Indian restaurant and bought everything on the menu she can remember them loving was only supposed to sweeten the deal.

"She really has been everywhere hasn't she?" Stacie asked, but was completely ignored.

Reaching for the bag, Beca slid it over and untied the knot at the top, "I've got a chicken and vegi dish," she said pulling out the containers, "as well as naan bread and rice."

"Spicy?"

Beca popped the top on a container and smelled it, "Just enough to give it a little kick."

"Works for me, I just need to find the plates," Stacie began opening cabinets until Beca pointed out the one to the right of the stove, "Thanks!"

"Sure," Beca's voice trailed off as she looked around.

Nothing had changed, the dining room table was still Chloe's go to work space, the red fluffy blanket was still thrown over an edge of the couch and the sandals Chloe wears to take Billie outside were still in their spot not far from the door. The more she looked the more she found the same familiar things scattered about in that weirdly quirky way that just screamed Chloe. Beca found it comforting and made her smile because Chloe had done the same types of things at her beach house.

"You can ask about her you know," Stacie quietly stated setting plates and silverware down then coming around to sit next to Beca at the breakfast bar. "It's pretty obvious that you had no idea she wasn't home."

Taking a spoon Beca divvied up the rice onto their plates then slid the container of chicken vendaloo towards her.

"She texted me this afternoon, said she wanted to talk," Beca eventually said after scooping a couple spoonfuls of chicken onto her plate and passing the container to Stacie. Popping the top of the vegetarian dish she added another scoop to her plate, "I figured we could talk over dinner."

Stacie reached for a piece of bread, "Where you trying to catch her off guard?"

"I don't know what I was hoping for by coming here tonight," Beca sadly answered before taking a bite of chicken, "I should've known it wouldn't be this easy to talk to her."

The two ate in silence as Stacie contemplated Beca's statement. Judging by that and Beca's reaction earlier at the front door makes Stacie wonder how much communicating was going on between those two. For whatever reason, Chloe needed to leave town and it must have come about pretty quickly because Stacie was only asked to housesit a couple days ago. But what confuses Stacie the most is why Chloe didn't at least tell Beca she was leaving.

Stacie could easily tell that those two were entirely disconnected from each other, "At least you're trying."

"I've been trying for an entire month!" Beca's fork scrapped against the plate as she absentmindedly pushed around some rice, "She fucking left me that night we had our blowup and now she only talks to me through texts…I try to call and she just declines them. I came here tonight hoping she'd feel too guilty to slam the door in my face."

Stacie was stunned, she thought she knew Chloe pretty well, and she never imagined Chloe had it in her to pull a stunt like this and purposely hurt one of her best friends.

"She just left?"

Beca set her fork aside, "Yeah I came home wasted and she helped me into bed and," she ran a thumb across the scar on her hand, "she fixed my hand so it wouldn't get infected. Then was gone the next morning."

"She didn't even stick around to talk things out?"

"Nope," pushing her half eaten plate away Beca slumped in her chair, "all she left me was a fucking note," she huffed in anger. "I admit I said a lot of fucked up things to her and I went low even for my standards, but she didn't even give me a chance to apologize, like really apologize for being a jerk."

Stacie understood and from what she remembers about that day, both her friends felt responsible for that argument. She's not a hundred percent sure about all the demons Chloe has, but she knows they both said vindictive things that they didn't mean. No doubt about it Beca can be hot headed, but for Chloe to just up and leave without giving her friend a chance to apologize wasn't very fair. Chloe is head over heels in love with Beca, anyone can see that, and it's ridiculous how perfect they are for each other so it really tugs at Stacie's heart strings knowing something like this has been going on.

"What has she been doing?" Stacie asked taking another bite of her food.

"I'm not exactly sure," Beca tapped her fingers against the counter top, "Getting help dealing with her family's death I guess. She doesn't really tell me."

"That's a good thing though right," Stacie said trying to sound upbeat. Reaching for her beer she took a quick sip, "I mean, I don't know a lot about her family, but I know she blames herself for what happened."

"Yeah she does," Beca suspects it goes way deeper than what Stacie suggested, but for the sake of not getting into it she just agreed. "I mean I get it, but I don't because she doesn't talk to me. I found out way more during that fight than I ever did the whole time we were together." She balled her hand up into a fist and lightly pounded it against the counter top, "I tried to tell her I don't care, that I want to be with her regardless and she's still pushing me away."

Pushing the plate back towards Beca, Stacie thoughtfully pondered that statement while they ate in silence again. Although those two suffered from different tragedies it's easy to see that they are living similar lives, but are just in different points of the grieving process.

Finishing off her bread Stacie said, "You know, when I met you, you were in the denial phase of your mom's death. You were kind of like her, you didn't want to talk about it and it made you angry when anyone forced you to."

"I mean I guess," Beca shrugged it off.

"No, it's the truth," it was like a light bulb was going off in Stacie's brain. "Forget about all the progress you've made lately and try to step into her shoes."

Stabbing a potato with her fork Beca bitterly laughed, "It's not that easy. She doesn't have sleeping problems, I do…I had a great mom, she had awful parents. I'm a celebrity, she's not and the list goes on and on…" She popped the potato in her mouth and chewed then swallowed, "We don't have the same problems, we're two different people, stressing about totally different things."

Stacie sat up straighter as she pushed her plate away, "You're right, but…"

"Whatever dude…" Beca interrupted.

"Seriously hear me out," elbowing her friend Stacie waited until she had Beca's full attention, "She ran from her problems, so the pain and the stress just kept building, much like you right?" That got her no reaction so she tried again, "Tell me if this sounds familiar, she traveled to avoid her problems while you used your music," she got a halfhearted shrug making her roll her eyes. "Let's face it last year you," she stressed poking a shoulder, "were on the verge of a nervous breakdown. You were worn out, lonely, and in desperate need of a reality check and good sex." Ok she knew the last bit tacked on at the end was an exaggeration, but it got Beca's attention. "And she gave that to you, she just did it in a manner that wasn't pushy and as a result you guys fell in love and it has been beautiful to watch."

Beca weakly nodded, "She's always given me what I need…"

Stacie was making progress, turning to face her friend completely she crossed her legs, "You've done the same things for her," she held up a finger stopping a crazy denial before it happened, "It may not look like it, but I think, no I know, you've given her a reality check too. Hers just happened at a different stage in her life than yours." The realization was happening because Beca was remaining completely silent, "She ran from whatever happened to her for years and has ended up in San Francisco," she pointed out the window to the twinkling downtown view then to Beca, "and your bed."

"So you're telling me her sudden breakdown or whatever you want to call it, was bound to happen?" Beca flatly asked and Stacie just nodded.

"Just because she seemed perpetually happy doesn't mean she was hurting any less then you," Stacie quietly said. Placing a hand on Beca's shoulders she slowly said, "Everyone reaches a breaking point, hers probably came sooner than expected."

Beca wasn't sure if she believed that theory, "So me being a complete asshole scared her into getting help?"

Stacie dropped her hand, she hated to admit it, but it looked like that was the case, "Yeah, but I don't think she's doing this just for you."

"Yeah I know," Beca's anger slipped out and she saw Stacie deflate, "sorry that came out wrong." Reaching for her beer she finished it off her and sighed, "I meant to say she said something similar in the letter she left me." She ran her hands through her hair, "Fuck, everything she told me in that letter she could've said to my face and I wouldn't have stopped her from leaving."

"I know," Stacie agreed, "And trust me I think she's wrong for the way she went about it."

"I just…" Beca tiredly rubbed an eye, "I just don't know what to do, I'm completely lost without her, but I'm also angry."

Stacie would never say it to Chloe's face, but it was a stupid move to leave a letter and expect Beca to just understand. For Beca interpreting music was simple, interpreting things like letters written by a distraught and confused girlfriend wasn't because there was no proverbial ending. Beca reads everything like she reads music, by trying to interpret all the parts at once and figure out where it's going before it goes there. It's why Beca loves reading books, she can figure out what's going to happen chapters ahead of time by piecing together tiny bits of information as she reads each page. So Chloe's letter could have been simple, straightforward, and black and white, but Beca just can't take it at face value. Beca's brain isn't synchronized to do that and it has probably confused the hell out of her.

"I'm not even sure what we're are anymore…" Beca weakly added, "All we do is fight over text messages."

It was like Beca totally disregarded everything Stacie had just said, setting her fork aside she annoyingly asked, "So what did you expect by coming here tonight?"

"I told you I don't know," Beca answered in exasperation. "Earlier today I got this accusing text message asking why I never told her I was back in town and somehow that's my," she was getting angry just thinking about it, "fault that I didn't tell her. Why should I tell her where I go when she left me," she pounded her fist on the countertop making the plates jump.

It was painful seeing Beca this hurt and Stacie wants to be mad at Chloe, but it's hard when she sees Chloe acting similar to how Beca acted when they first met. Beca is right, Chloe is very good at hiding behind smiles and laughter and Stacie accepts that because people have different ways of dealing with emotions. Was Chloe embarrassed about how things played out in Malibu? Probably. Was Chloe hiding everything so that people can't see how much she's really hurting? Definitely. But what Chloe really doesn't understand is what it's doing to the person that loves her the most.

Chloe has her reasons for keeping Beca at arms length and whether or not Stacie agrees with it isn't up for discussion. She's never lived through what those two have, so she doesn't understand their mindset. However, if she were confident that Chloe was just being a selfish bitch and stringing Beca along for no reason then Stacie wouldn't have a problem picking up the phone and royally ripping into Chloe Beale.

So considering all the circumstances Stacie can forgive Chloe, just this once, for doing what she did, but she won't let it happen again. And if that's not clear, like crystal clear, she won't hesitate to pull Fat Amy and the wrath of Aubrey Posen into the mix just to prove her point.

"I'm sorry for dumping this all on you," slipping off the barstool Beca grabbed her plate and headed to the sink. "I'm just not sure if she knows how much she's hurt me."

"It's ok to be mad at her, I would if I was in your situation," Stacie slid her plate across the counter to Beca and started closing the food containers. Placing the containers back in the bag she added, "I had no idea this was going on. Monday was the first time I heard from her since she's been back."

Rinsing off their plates Beca looked up, "So she doesn't talk to you either?"

"Nope," hopping off the barstool Stacie snagged the empty beer bottles as she made her way around the breakfast bar. "Ever since our talk in Malibu I decided to get my own place," her roommate wasn't happy but she was actually looking forward to having her own space. "It's time, no more living that college kid lifestyle…" she saw a big grin spread across Beca's face and she laughed, "I know you love it because you won't be awkwardly hit on by a straight girl looking for her first girl-on-girl action anymore."

"I won't miss Jamie, that bitch is crazy," Beca spun a soapy finger next to her temple, "but I'm happy for you."

"Anyway back to my point," sauntering across the kitchen Stacie stepped on the trashcan pedal and the top popped open. Dropping the bottles in she said, "I'd been to Chloe's place and liked it so I shot her a text last week to ask if there were any openings in the building," removing her foot the lid snapped shut with a smack. "Granted I can't afford a place as fancy as this," she gestured around with a hand.

"Yeah I was surprised at first too," Beca laughed remembering how crazy it had been finding out that Chloe wasn't just renting a room here. "Fuck dude, she's on the sixth floor with two bedrooms and two baths, this place is huge."

"Right?" Stacie dragged out scooping Billie up, "I feel like my apartment can fit in her entire living room," they both laughed at the truth behind that. "But the first two floors have reasonable sized condo's and, as a plus, there's parking garage a block away, so I don't have to park on the street anymore. So unless someone gets murdered here tonight," she stated in a high pitch voice while looking Billie in the eyes, "I'll probably be signing lease paperwork in the morning."

Switching the faucet off Beca reached for a dishtowel and dried her hands, "I think that's great. It's in an awesome neighborhood, Chloe loves it."

"Yeah and the condo I'm looking at has just been remodeled," Stacie was excited just thinking about all the decoration possibilities.

Beca grinned, "You've worked hard to get here Dr. Conrad and you deserve it. Time to loosen those purse strings now that you got a raise."

Stacie laughed jumping out of the way of a towel snap. Setting Billie back on the ground she rested her hip against the counter, "Fuck adulating sucks though."

"It does," slinging the towel over her shoulder Beca leaned against the dishwasher, "but it's worth it."

"Yeah…" Stacie nodded looking around. She liked the idea of being neighbors with Chloe and she can't wait to have wine and cheese nights while they watch The Bachelor. "Anyways Chloe knew I was coming in tomorrow to check the place out so she asked if I wanted to housesit to get a feel for the building and the area."

Tossing the towel aside Beca looked around again before gently asking, "Any idea where she went?"

Beca hoped that didn't come off too probing, but she had been dying to ask Stacie since she pulled her through the front door.

However, Stacie still doesn't understand how draining the last month has been or how detached Beca feels from Chloe. She came here tonight to get some resolution, but it seems like she'll just be leaving with more unanswered questions.

"She didn't tell me," pushing off the counter Stacie opened a cabinet and pulled out a bag of dog food, "All she said was that she was flying across the country and would be back Sunday afternoon."

"Only three days," Beca said out loud.

"Weird right?" Scooping out a cup and a half of dry dog food, per Chloe's hand written instructions taped to the fridge, Stacie added it to Billie's bowl then refilled the one beside it with fresh water, "I'm her house sitter and I know nothing."

"Now you know how I feel," Beca said checking her nails.

Stacie looked across the kitchen and although the tone was indifferent and nonchalant she saw the hurt splashed across Beca's face.

Wandering over to the dining room table Stacie felt Beca's eyes following her every move. Now Stacie knows she shouldn't have snooped and at the time she felt super guilty for doing it, but she could easily justify her actions by telling herself that if Chloe didn't want this to be found she should've done a better job of hiding it. After shuffling through a few papers next to Chloe's laptop she found the handwritten note with a couple hotel names with one particular one circled.

Holding the paper out Stacie waved it slightly, "I'm not sure, but I think she might be going here."

Stepping around the counter, Beca took the paper and quickly read each of the names that had one thing in common, "She's going to Atlanta…"

"Why Atlanta?" Stacie asked stepping closer to look back down at the paper.

Frowning, Beca regrettably knew exactly why and it made her incredibly sad, "It's not Atlanta," crumpling the paper up she tossed it back next to the laptop and placed her hands on the tabletop, "Atlanta's just the closest airport."

Picking up the paper again Stacie smoothed it out and tried to see whatever Beca saw, "Where then?"

"Roswell," biting her lip Beca sighed, "it's her hometown."

"Oh…"

"Yeah…" pushing off the table Beca reached for her bag then ducked under the strap and settled it across her chest, "Look I gotta go."

Stacie just silently nodded, it wasn't worth the effort to try and make Beca stay. Anyone would be able to tell that Beca needed to get out of Chloe's place and be alone for a little while. Whatever Beca knew about Atlanta and why Chloe was going wasn't up for discussion and Stacie saw a different kind of sadness in Beca that she had never seen before.

"Call me if you need anything," Stacie said watching Beca head to the other side of the kitchen to say goodbye to Billie.

"I will," after giving Billie's stomach a quick scratch Beca stood and headed towards the front door, "thanks for listening."

"Anytime…" Stacie smiled.

Without giving Stacie a chance to say anything Beca gave a final waved before softly shutting the door behind her. Once she was out of the building and standing next to her SUV she removed her phone from her bag and typed out a quick message.

Beca [8:13PM]: Book me the first direct flight to Atlanta tomorrow and a room at the Wingate Suites in Roswell.

By the time she had gotten her keys out, loaded her bag in the passenger seat and started the engine Beca got a response.

Emily [8:16PM]: Car rental?

Beca [8:17PM]: Yes…and first class with the return ticket for Sunday.

Emily [8:17PM]: Cool, I'll forward you everything in about twenty minutes.

Emily [8:20PM]: Oh can I doggy sit Gizmo while you're gone!?

Stopped at a red light Beca couldn't help but laugh and shake she head as she read Emily's last message. She swears Emily jumps at the chance to do anything with Gizmo, even if it's playing fetch with a tennis ball down one of the hallways at work.

Beca [8:22PM]: Hell yeah, he loves staying at Aunt Em's! I'll leave all his stuff out for you.

---

Slowing her pace to a light jog, Chloe rounded the corner of Woodstock Street and took a right onto Forrester. She'd been running just to run, weaving in and out of the neighborhoods of her former hometown without a set route, simply because she knew the roads of Roswell, Georgia like the back of her hand. She had pushed herself harder today than she has in a long time and she tried to concentrate on her pace and focus on steady breathing rather than where she knew she had to ultimately end up.

Chloe's legs begged for reprieve and she slowed to a walk before eventually stopping altogether. Resting her hands on her knees, she took in a few deeps breaths as she stared down the tree lined road to a fancy brick sign halfway down on the right stating Green Lawn Cemetery. The last time she'd been here was right before her move to San Francisco and she remembers having her SUV packed and Billie waiting in the passenger seat as she said a final goodbye to her family, fully anticipating never to return. The visit hadn't been easy and she'd only stayed a few minutes, but nothing compares to the trepidation she feels right now as she slowly walks through the cemetery gates.

The cemetery wasn't huge and other than the two-lane road at the entrance once cars entered only one way traffic allowed through the facility. Most people parked at the small chapel just inside the main gates and walked out to their loved ones plot, much like she's doing today. As she passed the parking lot she noticed a few cars out front, more than she had expected.

Continuing down a narrow stone path in front of the chapel and past the small lake, Chloe took the long way to her family's plot. She'd taken this route hundreds of times while growing up when her dad would gather the family at various holidays and force them to visit her grandparents. She had never wanted to go, she hated cemeteries and had never met her grandparents, but she never said a word. Instead she just conformed, acted solemn, remained quiet and respectfully placed flowers on each of her grandparent's graves when told.

The family plot was in a secluded area, off towards a corner of the cemetery on top of a small ridge that overlooked a small state park with rolling hills in the distance. Under normal circumstances it would be the best view in town and Chloe still isn't entirely sure why her dad picked it. He rarely talked about his parents so she can only assume that this place held some kind of sentimental meaning for him.

As Chloe crested the ridge and worked her way closer she got an uneasy feeling in her stomach. The trees may have gotten bigger, but everything else still looked the same. There was still so much pain and hatred surrounding this place that she didn't know what she should be feeling.

Things had been so shitty lately that Chloe feels like she's barely hanging on. This has truly been the worst month of her life because she has to relive the most painful parts of her past all at once. Problems seemed to compound on top of each other and just when she thinks she has a grip on the situation, her world comes crashing down. Most days suck, but the nights are the worst, it's when her mind wanders the most. She tries to calm it by sketching or painting, yet a majority of the time she just lays in bed and texts Beca.

And the bad thing is no matter what time it is Beca always responds and in a matter of minutes things can turn. If one of them doesn't end the conversation after things go south then they usually end up saying things they don't mean. It's almost like they both purposely forget that they once had this completely loving and intimate relationship that meant so much to them. And Chloe knows it's all her fault, she created this monumental mess the minute she walked out on Beca.

The whole Beca situation has been Chloe's biggest regret and she doesn't know how to fix it. Her doctor had given her a great solution, something she had never thought about, and she was actually reaching out to Beca about it on Thursday. But they were teetering on the edge of another huge argument so she cut their conversation short and ended up giving Beca the option to call. It didn't help because she hadn't heard anything; she hasn't even gotten a single text. It was fairly evident that the best relationship she ever had, with someone who was everything she ever dreamed of, was now almost totally nonexistent.

Chloe was just about to the cut off for her family's plot when she looked up from the path and noticed a car parked not far away. She'd never seen it before and she hadn't told anyone she was coming so it was strange to find a car parked in the exact same spot she used last time she was here. She just hopes, prays really, that it isn't one of her parent's old friends because she can't take the pity or the millions of questions she is bound to be asked.

However, as Chloe passed the car and she finally saw her destination she immediately stopped. Standing down in front of her family's headstones was a person with their back turned staring out at the park in the distance. If she didn't know every dip and curve of that form by heart she might have called out and alerted whoever it was that she was here. Instead she didn't move or breathe because Chloe can't decide if she's happy, sad, scared or angry that Beca Mitchell was here. Beca's the last person Chloe ever expected to see right now because she's not even sure how Beca knew she was here. She had gone to great lengths to sidestep all of Stacie's questions and had purposely not posted any pictures to Instagram and Facebook all week.

On one hand Chloe is pissed that Beca's here because this is something she needs to do completely alone and she's not being given the space to do it, while her heart on the other hand is swooning because Beca just flew across the entire country to be by her side. Even though they haven't seen each other in weeks Beca has done such an incredibly kind and loving gesture that Chloe doesn't know how she can even be the slightest bit mad. That's why Chloe is so conflicted, she isn't sure if she should say something or just go because it all boils down to the fact that she doesn't want Beca to see her so beaten and broken.

That's when Chloe's flight or fight reaction took over and she knew that if she didn't leave now that it was only a matter of seconds before Beca sees her. Except when she turned on the packed gravel road this loud, cringe worthy crunch came from underneath her shoes and echoed across the otherwise silent cemetery. There was no doubt in her mind that Beca had heard that, so she ran.

Instead of sprinting off at a speed that she knows Beca can't catch her, Chloe's legs felt like lead paperweights and they screamed at her to stop, but she keep moving. A few steps later she was hyperventilating as tears streamed down her face causing her vision to blur and making her stumble over her own feet. She was pathetic, she was a mess, and she was running from her demons and the one person who loved her more than anything. She was just about to collapse when a strong hand snagged her bicep and brought her to a screeching halt.

"Chloe, Chlo, it's ok…" Beca said as her girlfriend crumpled against her and they slowly began lowering to the ground. "It's ok, I got you…"

Arms quickly wrapped around her and all Chloe could do was bury her face in Beca's embrace and cry. Beca's arms were warm and inviting, almost forgiving, and she smelled like home and it just made her cry harder. She knew she was a complete and utter failure of a girlfriend yet Beca just held her, whispering soft reassurances every few minutes while never pressuring her to get herself under control. She's never had someone be so loving and gentle and supportive with her after all the lies, the avoidance and general shit they had been put through.

Fuck, more than anything in this entire world Chloe needs Beca and as she clutches Beca's side and wrinkles the t-shirt, Beca never flinches or pushes her hands away. Chloe's getting that strong silent support that Beca has always provided and it is totally one-hundred percent genuine. Beca is trying, her girlfriend is making this monumental effort for their relationship by just being here and what did Chloe do, she ran.

This is the worst time in Chloe's entire life and she feels so stupid for all the shit she has put Beca through. Her actions have damaged their relationship beyond repair and on top of that she sees how much progress she could've made if Beca had been by her side the whole time.

After what seemed like forever Chloe's tears subsided and she shifted her head from the crook of Beca's neck. Tentatively wiping her eyes she took in a few steadying breaths as the arms around her loosened.

"Are you ok?" Beca softly asked.

Chloe heard the question before looking up and it took a few seconds to register. The meaning came off just as sincere and caring as it did in every single one of the text messages Beca has sent. Detangling herself she finally connected eyes with Beca and she saw worry and concern in them.

"Yeah," Chloe let out a harsh breath, "well no not really…"

"I see…" pulling a knee up Beca brushed the grass off the side of her jeans just to give her hands something to do. When she had held Chloe it seemed right, but now the unspoken tension was growing again and it just didn't feel natural to be touching anymore, "You don't have to tell me, it's ok."

"No Beca it's not," Chloe finally answered after an awkward pause, "I'm just…" she half shrugged adjusting her position so there was a small gap between them, "I wasn't expecting you."

Squinting in the sun Beca picked an almost invisible piece of grass off her shoe, "Yeah well you made that perfectly clear when you ran."

"For two days," Chloe began slightly defensive, "I've been working up the courage to come out here and then I see you and I freaked."

"I get it ok," the bluntness in Beca's tone even started her and she backtracked slightly, "Look I'm sorry I surprised you, but it's the only way I'd ever get to see you."

"I know I've been awful to you," the bitter laugh Beca gave made tears well in Chloe's eyes. Using her t-shirt she wiped them away before they fell, "and I fucked up, I fucked up so bad Beca."

"Oh bullshit," Beca had barely seen her girlfriend twenty minutes and she's already had enough of the games. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Chloe's shoulders drop in defeat and she didn't even feel sorry about it. "I'm not going to dance around the subject, I'm just going to tell you why I'm here," turning she made sure she had Chloe's full attention, "I'm only here to make sure you're ok…" she let out a ragged breath, "and to tell you that I'm tired of being your girlfriend and not being treated like it."

"Oh," Chloe slowly nodded looking down at her hands.

"I can't take whatever it is we're doing anymore," Beca whispered, "I just can't…"

Of all the things Beca could've said that was not what Chloe was expecting, "So you're just giving up on us? On me?"

"Chloe I'm not the one giving up," falling back onto the grass Beca stared up at the partly cloudy sky. "For the past month I've been giving you the space you keep telling me you need," the words caught in her throat, "and I've been trying my best to support you from a distance," turning her head she sighed, "I get that you're going through a lot but what about me and my feelings?"

To an extent Beca was right, Chloe had been so blinded by getting better and straightening out her life that she totally ignored the fact that her actions were hurting other people. She knew she had this wonderfully loving person waiting for her, willing to drop whatever they were doing to be with her, and she had lost sight of that.

"I've tried Chloe…" Beca began again, this time letting the tears she'd been holding back fall, she wanted her girlfriend to see what an emotional wreck she has been, "I've tried to see things from your perspective and give you the benefit of the doubt, but you just shut me out. I mean do you even realize," they were both crying now and she knew that if Chloe was going to run again, that she wasn't going to bother chasing, "how much you broke my heart that day you left?"

"I thought I was doing the right thing," Chloe whispered, "I thought by leaving and getting help it would show you how dedicated I was to us."

"Dedicated?" Beca flippantly said, don't get her wrong she is glad Chloe is getting help but it didn't fix anything between them it just made it worse. "Dedicated isn't the word I'd use for what you did to me. You broke something inside me that I don't think is repairable. And you shatter it more every time you refuse to answer my phone calls and when we fight over texts."

"Can we just…"

Chloe's mouth snapped shut when Beca abruptly stood and began stretching out her back and arms. Chloe knows the whole reason Beca wasn't sitting anymore was so that she wouldn't see just how devastated her girlfriend was right now.

"Chloe," turning slightly Beca softened her tone, "I came here to see you, I've been waiting at this cemetery because I couldn't find you even though we're staying at the same hotel."

"You've been looking for me?"

"Yes…" Beca fully turned and shoved her hands in her pockets, "I got here yesterday, I asked the hotel staff for your room number but they wouldn't give it to me."

Chloe felt terrible, other than driving around for a few hours after she had arrived and picking up a sandwich from one of her favorite restaurants, she hadn't left the hotel. For two days she'd been ordering room service and either watching movies or sketching.

"I honestly didn't know what to do once I got here. I've been kind of flying blind," Beca didn't respond so Chloe continued, "This morning I finally pushed myself to leave and go for a run."

"I know," Beca gave a weak smile, "I was eating breakfast in the lobby when I saw you pass by the window. I tried to get outside but when I did, you were gone. So I grabbed my keys and I came here." She didn't sleep much last night so she took a two hour nap while she waited and she was out stretching her legs when Chloe finally showed up, "I was getting ready to give up on you."

Pushing herself up off the ground Chloe dusted off her running shorts, "I'm sorry."

"Can we go somewhere and talk?" Beca pleaded. "Not here," she gestured towards the headstones not far from where they were standing, "or the hotel, like a restaurant or someplace."

Chloe knows this talk needs to happen and that if she tries to prolong it their relationship is done. Plus there were a few things her doctor suggested that they could do that would help get back on track and she wanted to be in a place where Beca could potentially be receptive to them.

"I think we need to do that," Chloe agreed, "but first I need to do what I came here for and I'm not sure how long that's gonna take."

Briefly following Chloe's gaze, Beca completely understood, "Y-yeah of course. I'll just," she pointed to her rental car, "you know," she awkwardly dragged out, "go and give you some alone time or whatever." Their eyes momentarily connected and she felt like she needed to say, "If you need a ride back to the hotel I can wait for you up at the chapel."

Resting her hands on her hips, Chloe watched Beca internally battle about whether or not she should actually move or wait for a cue. The shuffling around and kicking of a little rock was endearing and painfully cute, but don't get her wrong the confident Beca Mitchell swagger was still there. It was kind of everything she fell in love with, it's everything she still loves, and it everything she finds incredibly sexy. Jesus despite the chaos that is her life right now she is still undeniably attracted to Beca and is still one hundred percent in love.

"Can you stay?" Chloe asked and grey-blue eyes shot to hers with uncertainty. "I'd like it if you stay."

"I can," it was weird this would normally be the time Beca when reaches for a hand and pulls Chloe in close, but instead she just shoved them back in her pockets, "I'll wait by the car."

They both slowly started walking and once at the car Chloe turned, "Ummm…if you want to come down there you can."

"Are you asking because you think that's what I want or because it's actually what you need?" Beca hated being skeptical but like she previously pointed out she was done playing games.

Rubbing her forehead Chloe sighed, "Do whatever you want, I don't care."

"Dude chill…" Beca hands shot up in defense, "I'll stay up here and when you need me, just wave." Reaching through the open window she pulled out an orange she'd swiped from a lobby bowl earlier, "That way you'll get the time you need without me interfering."

"That's fair," Chloe nodded before setting off down the small gravel path towards her family's plot.

"Chlo…"

Stopping Chloe turned and weakly asked, "Yeah?"

Setting the orange on the roof of the car Beca took a few steps closer and said what she would've said a month ago if she was just given the chance, "Despite how angry I am and how broken we are, I'm here for you, I just," she shrugged looking away, "I know what it's like to feel like you're helpless and alone during the worst moments of your life, but you're not, I'm here."

Hearing such a sincere and profound statement made Chloe feel terrible for the way she had left things and treated Beca since they've been separated.

"Thank you," the tears were stinging her eyes and Chloe just let them fall as she took a couple steps closer and softly kissed Beca's cheek, "just thank you," she whispered.

"You're welcome…"

Chloe didn't say anything else, just gave a sad smile and nod before turning and heading down to her family. This was one of the biggest obstacles she needed to face and she had planned on doing exactly what her doctor had suggested.

Chloe didn't hold anything back when she finally came face to face with her parent's headstone. She got angry, she yelled and screamed, and she cried as she told them everything that she had been holding back for years. She talked about her dreams and her fears, she told them why she lied about law school and how good it felt to be doing something she loved. She told them how they were bad parents and how she never felt loved and she told them how cruel and unfair it was to her and her sister to never be acknowledged as anything other than letdowns. She also talked about Beca and how happy she is, how great their relationship is and how amazing it feels to be loved by someone that she wants to marry. She even told them that when she has children of her own that they will know how much they're loved and she'll be a part of their lives everyday and she'll encourage them to be whatever they want to be. Everything that came to mind, she let out, even how years after their death that their fucking expectations almost prevented her from falling in love. And the best part was that they couldn't talk back, they couldn't berate her and laugh in her face. For once she was getting the final word and it felt good.

At some point Beca showed up beside her while Chloe was sitting on the patch of grass in front of her sister's headstone. Chloe's not sure if Beca was there because she'd been down there a solid forty minutes with no signs of leaving or because Beca had lost sight of her for a split second and thought she had ran again. Whatever Beca's reason was for coming down didn't matter because Beca just held her while she cried and grieved for the family she lost and Chloe was grateful.

And the weirdly amazing thing about confronting her past like this is that until Chloe saw Beca standing in the cemetery, she wasn't sure she was going to be able to go through with it. But Beca gave her all the strength she needed to do it and her doctor was right, afterwards it was like a giant weight had been lifted off her shoulders and she could finally breath again.

---

After they were done at the cemetery Beca would have to admit that things were different. She didn't know if it was a good different or a bad different, but one thing is for sure neither of them said much the entire ride to the hotel. She was glad she had stayed, Chloe had needed her and by the time they got back to the car Chloe was emotionally and physically drained. So when Beca suggested they take a break, shower, and relax in their rooms for a few hours before dinner Chloe didn't hesitate to accept.

Now though after parking and silently walking to the front of the restaurant the tenseness was back and a sizeable gap was growing between them both mentally and physically. It was so different than how they used to be, there were no warm smiles and handholding. All there was were one word answers to any question asked and a major avoidance of eye contact. It was almost like they both knew at the end of the night this would be the end of them.

Walking a few paces ahead, Beca grabbed the door handle and gently pulled it open for Chloe like she'd done a thousand times before.

"Thanks," Chloe softly smiled. Beca's hand instinctively found the small of her back as they stepped inside the restaurant and it felt like old times. Weaving in and out of people hovering around the entrance she worked her way over to the hostess stand.

"Welcome to Hugo's Oyster Bar," the girl behind the podium smiled, "we're running about a ten minute wait, but I can take your name while you grab drinks from the bar."

"Hi, I called earlier, the reservation is under Beale."

The young girl quickly checked the list and nodded, taking a couple of menus she looked up, "Holy…" her mouth hung open and a few squeaks of surprise slipped out making Chloe curiously raise an eyebrow. Dark brown eyes shifted nervously away from Chloe then back before the girl leaned forward and whispered, "I'm sorry, but DJ Titanium is standing right behind you."

Glancing over her shoulder Chloe saw Beca immersed in her phone oblivious to the young girl's comments. Once again Chloe had totally forgotten that Beca was famous and that her girlfriend's picture was now out there for the world to see.

"I know," Chloe smiled and carried on like it was no big deal, "she's with me."

"Oh my god!" The outburst from the hostess caused a few conversations around them to stop and people to stare, but Beca stepped a little closer and Chloe felt protected, "Are you the one from the pictures on her Instagram and website? Are you the girlfriend?"

"Gorgeous girlfriend," Beca casually corrected pocketing her phone, "and yes she is, she's much prettier in person right?"

The young girls grip on the menus tightened as her eyes fluttered between them and Chloe realized that this was the first time they had been seen out in public together.

"Yes," the girl vigorously nodded and blushed slightly, "I'm dying to know, what's it like dating a Grammy award winner?"

"Oh now," deflecting the attention away from Chloe, Beca leaned a little closer and read the girls nametag, "Nicole, you don't want to know how lame I really am, that'll ruin my badass public persona."

Chloe saw Beca shoot the girl a wink and smile, but it wasn't one of those flirtatious ones that she usually gets, it was the casual friendly type and the girl just ate it up. Chloe had been keeping tabs on DJ Titanium's interactions with fans and from everything she's seen it has pointed to Beca being extremely humble and nice. After being unexpectedly thrust into the spotlight Beca seemed to be taking her new found attention in stride.

"Right you're a t-total badass m-music producer," the hostess was tripping over her words and Chloe just continued to watch the interaction with a smile, "I'm sorry, I'm acting like total spaz right now."

Beca just lightly laughed, "It's ok. I'm trying to adjust to being recognized too."

"Right ok…" the girl took a couple of deep breaths fanning her face with the menus but eventually blurted out, "Can I have your autograph?"

"Sure, but after dinner ok?" Stepping up to the podium next to Chloe, Beca smiled as the girl mumbled something about how she was here all night, "Cool cause I'm starving."

"Oh shoot, I'm kinda fangirling and not doing my job," tucking the menus under her arm the girl, who Chloe thought maybe was in high school, motioned them to follow her, "Did you guys want to sit inside or the back patio is open and not to crowded?"

"Chlo, any preference," Beca easily asked as they walked.

Chloe didn't even have to think, "I love the back, it's my favorite part of the restaurant."

"Follow me…"

It took about fifteen minutes, but the initial commotion Beca caused by just walking through the restaurant eventually died down once their drinks and appetizer of a half dozen oysters arrived at the table. Chloe had admired the ease at which Beca talked to each person who approached them, there wasn't much apprehension as long as people were polite, didn't linger or invade her girlfriend's personal space. Beca also had this unique way of sidestepping around and never outright answering personal questions. Usually Beca used a play on words or a joke to turn the tables, but nobody caught the switch, except maybe Chloe, who laughed at what was said right along with everyone else.

However, now that the nostalgia has worn off, things were awkward between them again. Beca was spending an inordinate amount of time adding lemon, cocktail sauce and horseradish to the top of one of the oysters while skillfully avoiding eye contact. Any other time Chloe would laugh at how Beca was using her perfectionist like tendencies as a means of distraction, but this wasn't one of those times.

"So," Chloe began making Beca look up from her task.

"So…" using the tiny fork Beca detached the oyster from its shell the tipped it back into her mouth like a shot and swallowed. Reaching for her beer, she took a sip to wash everything down, "So ummm you look really nice tonight."

Beca's not blind, when she saw Chloe step off the elevator she had to do a double take.

"Thanks…" To be honest fashion, which Chloe usually loves, hasn't been a top priority the past few weeks and it felt nice and normal to take her time and put in a little extra effort for someone tonight, "I know it's just casual but…"

"You're always beautiful to me, even in pajamas," Beca smiled as they both lightly laughed at the old joke before reality set back in, "Anyways…"

Chloe ran her finger along the rim of her beer glass, "Beca, why are you here?"

"I thought I was pretty clear back at the cemetery," Beca flatly said making blue eyes snap to hers. Thankfully they were sitting outside and were far enough away from the next table that anyone trying to eavesdrop couldn't hear what they were saying. "What are we doing? That's what I came here to find that out."

"I really don't know and that's the truth," Chloe sighed before sipping her beer. There weren't many things she missed about her hometown, but this restaurant and beer was currently sitting at the top of her list. Placing her glass back on the coaster she said, "You feel so distant and I've never felt that from you. We've always had this connection and I don't feel it anymore."

"Me either," drumming her fingers on the tabletop, Beca thought that comment was a little ironic considering their present situation, "And for once in my life I'm not the one who caused it."

Ok that stung, but Chloe knew she deserved it, "I know and I'm so sorry Beca."

"I fully admit that I started our fight and that I said a lot of fucked up things to you that afternoon, so I'm not going to try and justify anything. What I said was inexcusable and it was selfish of me to leave and to come home wasted. So please don't think I'm placing all the blame on you because I'm not, I fucked up too," extreme and total guilt is what Beca had been carrying around since the day Chloe left. "Except you never gave me a chance to apologize, like really truly tell you I'm sorry."

"Well it's not like you came home that night in any condition to talk," Chloe rushed out and instantly regretted it.

Glancing around Beca sat forward in her chair and harshly whispered, "But that doesn't give you the right to just, walk out on me, I mean Jesus Chloe, all you left me was a fucking note."

"Yeah well in that fucking note," Chloe vindictively reiterated, "I explained myself pretty clearly."

"Oh like that was supposed to make me feel better?" Beca had read that letter once a day for weeks and all it did was confuse her. "It made me feel like complete shit, like I wasn't even worth your time or effort to even say goodbye."

"So if I stayed and left the next morning, do you think it would've made things better?" Chloe accusingly questioned.

Beca just rubbed her forehead, "At least then I'd know where I stand with you and maybe our communication would be better."

Beca knows she can be a lot of things, an asshole, a charmer and even hardheaded, but what she hates the most is to lose, even arguments. It's one of her greatest downfalls and it's something she knows she needs to work on. Its part of the reason she and Aubrey fight so much and it's also the entire reason she and Chloe haven't said many nice things to each other lately.

"I never would've tried to stop you," Beca finally said after a brief pause to take some calming breaths, "I'm not and never will be the type of controlling girlfriend who wants to justify their shortcomings by forcing their partner to conform to what they want."

"But you still don't get it."

"I'm not your parents Chloe."

Chloe's fingertips traced the restaurant logo on the side of the glass, "My whole life has been this great big ball of confusion and following orders and trying to be something I'm not."

"I know, after our initial argument I know," Beca stressed still not fully grasping what Chloe is alluding to.

The exasperation was evident in both their tones and it was clear that everything Beca had planned on saying wasn't going to happen. Beca doesn't know what she was hoping to get out of coming here, but this wasn't it. She could physically see the toll just being in Roswell was putting on Chloe and how it was making them more combative than normal and she didn't know what to do to get them back on track.

Chloe stilled her wandering fingers, "Look it's me and the way I interpret things."

"So then tell me what I'm doing wrong."

"Nothing, you've been practically perfect, you haven't done anything wrong," their eyes briefly connected and the pain made Chloe look away, "you were everything I've ever wanted."

Beca refused to acknowledge the way Chloe just used the past tense, "So if I'm what you want then I guess that means you also get to throw me away like yesterdays garbage when you don't need me anymore."

"What?"

"You heard me," Beca uttered slow and steady, "don't you dare look at me like that because for the past month I've been trying to figure out exactly where I stand in your life."

Resting her elbows on the table Chloe buried her face in her hands then dropped them back to the table. She thought she had seen Beca broken before while talking about her mom as they visited her grave, but what Chloe saw and heard now was a whole new level of hurt. The body language, the disdain permeating in Beca's tone along with the complete and utter helplessness she saw in those grey-blue eyes spoke volumes. Chloe had effectively broken Beca Mitchell and it was her biggest regret of life.

The ice in the bottom of the oyster tray sloshed around as Beca moved another shell to her plate and what Chloe wanted more than anything was to see that happy, goofy, love struck smile Beca used to wear. What's there instead is something she never wanted to see and it shattered her. Beca was barely holding it together, her breathing is erratic and her hands were shaking as she tries to focus on squeezing lemon juice on top of an oyster.

"You're stringing me along Chloe and I'm tired of it," Beca reached for a package of saltine crackers and tore it open, "I'm tired of not knowing from one day to the next where we stand or if we're going to argue. And frankly," she slid an oyster onto the cracker, "I'm tired of you avoiding me."

There was a slight hesitation, but Chloe didn't miss Beca trying to inconspicuously wipe away a tear with her shoulder as she took a bit of the cracker, "Beca I'm so sorry, I never meant to hurt you, you have to trust me on that."

"I don't know if I can trust you anymore."

"Can you try, please," Chloe hated to beg, but she didn't know what else to do, "it's just…I'm broken, like completely, and I've really just begun to pick up the pieces."

Beca was about to rip into her girlfriend when she noticed a woman step out onto the patio and begin scanning the tables. When they were spotted the woman, dressed in a business suit with professionally styled hair and makeup, put on a fake smile and began to approach them. Whatever she was going to say next was quickly silenced as a look of shock and then hatred crossed Chloe's face before quickly being covered up with the same radiant smile she had been given thousands of times before.

"Well if it isn't Chloe Beale," the voice echoed across the patio making a few heads turn.

Beca did her best not to openly scoff in annoyance at the overly dramatic southern accent that distinctly reminded her of Kevin Spacey character Jim Williams from Midnight in The Garden of Good and Evil. They were in a fucking suburb of Atlanta, so it wasn't exactly what she would historically consider the Deep South, but in any case the voice made Chloe visibly tense.

"My, my, my it has been a long time," Beca takes her previous thought back, the Kevin Spacey reference was actually being nice, because this chicks voice sounded like nails on a chalkboard, "You passed my table earlier and I knew I had to come say hello before I go."

"Jennifer, hey," Chloe stood just as the woman came to a stop next to their table. She did the customary hug and fake cheek kisses that all socialites did when greeting each other. She hated it, but once a debutante always a debutante, "It's nice to see you again."

"Likewise," the bright white smile almost had Beca wishing she brought her sunglasses, "I didn't know you were in town."

Seeing people from her past, people who never really liked her to begin with, was one of the things Chloe had been afraid of. She's positive Jennifer only came over so that she could gain information that could be gossiped about later while having drinks at the country club.

"It's just a quick trip," Chloe smiled, "I didn't allow much time to socialize."

Beca eyed the woman up and down as the two exchanged the usual pleasantries for a few minutes and it was easy to see why Chloe was so put off by this chick. Everything about Jennifer was fake, even down to the obnoxiously big and overly flashy diamond engagement ring adorning her left hand. Beca noted how Jennifer's style was the exact offsite of Chloe's, Chloe would never go for jewelry that gaudy and Chloe's fashion sense was always trendy, simple and elegant.

Yet, in another aspect it was interesting to see how Chloe's whole demeanor and attitude changed since Jennifer had made her presence known. There was a significant difference in how Chloe carried herself, she was more prim and proper, and the manner in which she spoke was altered too. In the few minutes Beca had been observing them, a handful of distinctly southern terms had been tossed out and Chloe was using bigger and more affluent words that were probably normal to people who had a social status to maintain.

This Chloe compared to the one Beca had met and relentlessly flirted with for months were two totally different people. And Beca can only surmise the change was because this is the social class Chloe mingled with on a regular basis. Beca doesn't know much about 'Chloe's other life' here in Georgia, but what she is learning, just by this one interaction, is just how much Chloe had to conform in order to fit in. It was shocking and sad knowing that the beautiful and radiant person she fell in love with had to be masked behind someone who was a snob.

"So what have you been up too? Have you finished law school?" After hearing all about the mundane happenings at the most recent social soiree that question peaked Beca's interest as she was bringing another oyster towards her mouth, "You know daddy's firm would love to have the Beale name attached to it again."

"Jennifer I told you at the funeral, I never went to law school," Chloe said, her upper crust socialite façade slipping just slightly, "I got accepted into Columbia's master's degree program for journalism. I chose that over law school."

"So you're still pursuing the starving artist lifestyle?" Beca stopped mid-chew to glare up at this bitch, "Law is in your blood, your art and writing are mere hobbies." Swallowing hard Beca watched the girl adjust her hair still blatantly unaware that she was listening to the conversation, "Don't you think it's time to get a real job?"

Ok now that comment was uncalled for Beca thought washing her oyster down with a swig of beer.

Beca may be hurt and angry with Chloe, but she wasn't about to let anyone talk down to Chloe like that. If so called 'friends' treated Chloe like this, berating with a satisfactory smile plastered across their faces, she can't imagine what her girlfriend's parents were like. Chloe was being picked on simply because she was different and Beca was finally seeing the kind of torment Chloe had been put through her entire life. It was one thing to be told things like this happened, but it's a completely different seeing it in action. And Beca wasn't going to allow this slow burn shit show happen to the person she loved.

Setting her glass down with a thump, Chloe and Jennifer's eyes shifted down to Beca as she pushed her chair back and stood.

"What you call Chloe's little 'hobbies',"Beca used air quotes, "are actually her career and she's an extremely talented artist and photographer."

God Beca swooped in at just the right time and Chloe sent a grateful smile across the table.

"Oh I'm all for the arts and people expressing themselves," Jennifer floundered a little making Beca inwardly grin, "In fact I have season tickets to the symphony and sit on the local art museum's board of directors."

Beca's fairly certain this chick couldn't tell the difference between Chopin and Tchaikovsky or a Dali from a Van Gogh if her life depended on it.

"Oh, so you're an expert then," Beca easily questioned pressing a finger to her lips.

"An expert no," Jennifer placed a hand over her heart and laughed in this way that said she found Beca's question an annoyance, "but more affluent than the normal person, yes…I mean what kind of living can one make from pursuing a career in music and art."

Beca just rolled her eyes, making Chloe giggle from behind a hand, "Actually fairly decent, more than you'd expect really."

"Do tell?" Jennifer let the question linger. "I'm sorry I didn't catch your name."

"Beca Mitchell…"

"How do you know so much about the subject?"

Stepping closer, Chloe placed a hand on Beca's shoulder in an effort to fend off the foul mouthed response that she knew was coming. She never liked Jennifer, she was the stereotypical snobby rich kid who preferred yachting and playing tennis at the country club, but Jennifer also had a vindictive and jealous side. Chloe only interacted with Jennifer when forced, which ended up being pretty much any time she was home from boarding school. Chloe hated the person she had to be around Jennifer, she hated gossiping about other people, and she hated knowing that Jennifer was nice to her face but talked about her behind her back.

"Beca's actually a music producer," Chloe cut in, hoping to alleviate some of the tension, "and a songwriter and composer, she's extraordinarily talented," she gushed.

Jennifer's eyes lingered on Beca and it just gave Beca this unsettling feeling in her stomach.

"Well the look certainly fits, you know with the tattoos and ear piercings," Jennifer toyed with her right earlobe for emphasis. "The alternative look just screams grunge rock."

"That's not particularly my style considering I'm a classically trained pianist with multiple degrees in music from the University of Southern California. Jazz is what I love," a hand slipped to Beca's lower back telling her to calm down, "but I don't like to limit myself."

"I should guess not considering you need to make a living," Jennifer airily laughed, but was met with complete silence. "Really Chloe where did pick this one up? You have a habit of associating with people not of your…" she looked Beca up and down again, "status."

"Yeah will you have a habit of being a real bitch," Beca said to no one in particular.

"Well, the stereotypical musician bad girl attitude and language are certainly prevalent," Jennifer ridiculed in a demeaning tone.

Beca just grinned, like a full on teeth showing grin, "Well you know refined sophistication really isn't my thing…But I do have a bit of an attitude problem, so I agree with you on that." She motioned Jennifer closer and stage whispered, "I'm also arrogant too and I have a pretty good reason to be, I've got multiple Grammy's just collecting dust in my office and have had more top ten hits then you can count on two hands," she wiggled her fingers just to prove her point. "You on the other hand are just a snob flaunting daddy's money."

Jennifer shifted her eyes away from Beca, "Didn't your parents teach you to choose your friends better Chloe?"

"Girlfriend," Beca coughed but ended up laughing, "I'm her girlfriend."

Ok, so Beca's first assumption about this whole encounter had been right, this girl is toxic to Chloe. Chloe had been through so much today that she didn't need this bitch talking to her in condescending tones, making her girlfriend feel totally defeated. It was amazing that Chloe had turned out to be the loving and caring human being that she is, considering the scum she was forced to hang around with. After this one encounter Beca has seen the proverbial light and she doesn't blame Chloe for hiding who she truly is anymore.

"Really Chloe," the disdain dripping from Jennifer's words infuriated Beca, "you know no self respecting southerner of your status should be living an alternative lifestyle."

"Oh for fucks sake, who uses the archaic nomenclature of 'alternative lifestyle' anymore," Beca used overdramatic air quotes and big words just to prove her point, "I mean really that's so nineteen ninety four. Her and I," she gestured rapidly between them, "we're together and it's the happiest I've been in my life."

"You were always a bit of a hippie Chloe," Jennifer brushed off the last comment.

Chloe was kind of in awe of Beca and how this whole situation was being handled. After everything that has happened between them Beca could have just have sat there and let Jennifer politely rip her to shreds, but Beca had stood up for her. It gave her hope that maybe there was a chance they can work past their differences.

"Yeah well, California has grown on me," Chloe grinned down at Beca, "much more liberal and welcoming than Roswell Georgia."

Jennifer checked her watch, "I'm heading down to the club, you should stop by for a drink. There are a few guys I'd love for you to meet, I know how badly things ended with Derrick."

As much as both their sets of parents wanted them to date and have this upper class love affair, ending with an inevitable walk down the aisle after they both finished law school, Chloe just never saw the connection their parents did. Derrick was forced to ask her to the cotillion and she was forced to accept, but the entire night they never said more than a handful of words to each other. Derrick Ragland the third was a nice enough guy, but the only times she ever saw him again was at her family's funeral. Before that she hadn't thought about him in years so she can only imagine what convoluted story Jennifer had been telling everyone.

"Derrick?" Chloe practically screamed, but calmed slightly when Beca took her hand, "Why do you still bring him up? We never even dated and you were jealous he was my escort to cotillion and not yours."

Beca felt somewhat vindicated by Chloe finally breaking protocol and losing her cool.

Turning her head, Beca smiled lovingly at her girlfriend as she squeezed their joined hands, "Looks like he lost out."

"Yeah he did," there was sparkle in Beca's eyes, one Chloe wasn't expecting, it was adoration, and was something that always made her heart flutter uncontrollably, "but I found someone better."

"Damn right you did," Beca whispered never breaking eye contact.

"You may not understand or care Jennifer, but Beca isn't someone I saved off the street to support my hippie alternative lifestyle," Chloe had grown a little backbone just by having Beca there, "she's my everything and the best thing that's ever happened in my life." There was an annoyed mocking laugh, but her gaze was fixated on Beca, "There's a reason I didn't tell anyone I was in town, I didn't want to be judged. Beca's helping me tie up some loose ends so I can get back to my real home."

Unbeknownst to either of them, they had been instinctively leaning in closer with each word Chloe said and before they knew it their lips connected. It startled Beca at first and, considering the semi-surprised hum of approval she heard, Chloe felt the same way. It was a little strange, they hadn't kissed in what felt like forever, but neither of them were making attempts to push the other away.

"Well Chloe," Jennifer curtly said and the two jumped apart, "it was nice seeing you."

"Likewise," breaking their gaze Chloe set her eyes back on Jennifer, "give my best to your parents."

The formal pleasantries were back and Beca could tell that both the women standing beside her were glad this brief interaction was over.

"Take care," with one last condescending look at Beca, Jennifer turned on her heels and quickly walked away.

They ended up just staring at Jennifer until she was out of sight and Beca dropped the hand she had been holding. The silence just grew as they both refused to acknowledge the kiss that just happened and in that instant Beca knew Chloe regretted it. And as if on cue, Chloe quickly bent down and picked up her purse while mumbling something about using the bathroom. All Beca could do was nod and fall back down into her chair and down the rest of her beer.

Thankfully the waiter showed up to the table to take their order not long after Chloe returned and it gave them a little reprieve from the complete and utter silence they'd been sitting in. Beca was hoping to at least acknowledge the kiss, but Chloe had other plans. And much like everything else, Chloe brushed it off and Beca gave a snarky reply and before they knew it they had come full circle again with their arguments again.

Setting her fork aside Chloe balled her hand into a fist, "What, now you're going to get upset because I wanted to come back home alone?"

"You could've picked up the fucking phone and called me," Beca shot back.

"And say what exactly," grey-blue eyes narrowed accusingly and it made Chloe furious, "hey babe I know we haven't talked for a month, but I'm heading home for the weekend don't follow me. Bye."

Cutting into her Flounder, Beca flippantly said, "Well for starters it would've been a nice gesture for you to take some initiative and call me for once."

"I asked you to call me two days ago."

"I know but why do I always have to make the effort? Oh and just so you know," stabbing into the freshly cut piece of fish Beca didn't even look up, "I wouldn't have declined your call."

"Oh whatever," Chloe didn't have a valid response because Beca was completely right. Her crab stuffed shrimp scampi didn't even look appealing anymore and she pushed the half eaten dish away. "Beca I glad you're here, but I just wanted to do this on my own."

"You want to do a lot of things on your own until you need my help."

Beca's accusation sliced right through Chloe like a finely sharpened blade and she deflated.

"I still need you," Chloe whispered rubbing her eyes with the palms of her hand, "I need you every single day."

"Then why keep me at arms length?" Chloe just shrugged and Beca was getting tired of the reluctance to tell her anything, "I thought I was helpful this afternoon at the cemetery. For the first time it felt like you needed me."

"I did need you, but I didn't realize it until I saw you," letting people help was an inner demon Chloe had been fighting since day one in therapy. "You don't know how much stronger I felt just having you hold me in front of my sister's grave."

"Then why do I still feel so used, like the pathetic high school kid who has a crush on the star cheerleader and constantly lets them walk all over them?" Beca set her fork aside.

"I'm not doing that to you Beca, I swear," Chloe shot back in defense.

Chloe had fucked up and admitted that she has been a terrible girlfriend, what else did she need to say? She knows that she has been stringing Beca along by apologizing and arguing and apologizing and arguing, yet Beca was still hanging on when others would have already jumped ship.

"Your life hasn't been the only one fucked up this month Chloe," Beca rested an elbow on the arm of the chair, "I'm dealing with a lot of shit right now too and I'm not just talking about how people now follow my every move," she hid her face behind a hand. "I constantly think about you, I wonder if you're having a good or a bad day and I stay awake at night wondering why I'm not there holding you while you cry yourself to sleep," she rushed out running low on air at the end. "You could've given me anything Chloe, anything. A text, a phone call or a even a Facebook post telling me how you're really doing, but I got nothing."

For once, Chloe was thankful there was only one other couple sitting at opposite end of the patio. Even though the weather was perfect, it was almost like the restaurant was purposely not sitting anyone outside so that the celebrity, having a romantic dinner with her girlfriend, could have some privacy.

"And you think I've had it any better," Chloe harshly whispered sitting forward in her chair. Beca's cheeks flushed red with anger or maybe it was embarrassment, she wasn't really sure and she didn't care to ask, "My world is falling apart now thanks to you. I admit I had my hang ups but I was dealing with them the best way I knew how."

Beca rolled her head against the back of the chair and groaned, "No you weren't, you just think you were." She and Stacie's conversation hit her and a piece of the puzzle locked into place making her head snap up, "Remember at Outside Lands when I told you I was walking a tight line between ok and not ok?" Chloe's eyes kind of went wide, "I see now that you were doing the same thing, but under different circumstances."

Chloe's anger boiled over, "No! You don't get to compare our lives."

"But you already have," Beca fought to keep her voice steady as her hands gripped the side of the chair, "you fucking told me we've led similar lives. You," lifting a hand she pointed with malice across the table making Chloe flinch, "even said it's what drew you to me in the first place."

"I just said that to make you feel better," that was a lie and Chloe can't believe she said it.

"Yeah well," balling her napkin up Beca tossed it on the table, "apparently our whole relationship was built around you telling me what I wanted to hear." Drumming her fingers on the armrest she sighed, "I feel like I was duped into falling in love with someone I don't really know."

Chloe sunk further into her chair, using a hand she worked out a knot on the side of her neck, "You don't know what I've been through growing up."

"But I wanted to know."

"You don't now?" Chloe asked dropping her hand.

This whole trip had been eye opening for Beca; from the drive in from the airport, to the cemetery, to the interaction with one of Chloe's fake friends. She has learned more about Chloe Beale in the span of forty-eight hours then she had the whole time they'd been dating. And it's not like Beca was here just for the sake of knowing, she truly wanted to learn about the person she loved.

Beca thinks she sees the true Chloe; she has to have because she wouldn't have fallen in love so hard, but honestly she is more confused than ever.

"I don't know what I want anymore Chlo," Beca whispered, "I just don't know what else I need to do to prove to you that I want to be by your side, no matter what," she quickly wiped her eyes with the back of her hand then reached for her empty glass.

"Beca I…" Chloe pinched the bridge of her nose, at times it was like her emotions were spinning out of control and she didn't know which way to turn. "I don't know how to ask you for help and I've sucked at communicating with you. My whole life I've had to bury who I am to be what my parents wanted me to be," She's working on that aspect of her life, it's the whole reason she's in Roswell, so Beca needs to be patient. "But I don't have to be that way with you, for once I don't. So I'm sorry I've been so distant with you, I never meant for things to get this bad between us. When I left," Beca's eye shot to hers, waiting for an answer, "I never intended for us to be separated this long and I never meant for our only communication to be through texts…I just didn't want you seeing the anger and pain I was going through because I'm ashamed that I allowed myself get this screwed up."

Tapping the side of her glass Beca nodded, she had gone though something similar the first few weeks she had started therapy so she understands. Except she didn't keep it all bottled up and she didn't cut off all ties with her friends because she had someone like Chloe to talk to. Chloe had been there through some of her darkest moments and probably never knew it.

"And I understand, I really do, more so than most. Therapy can bring out the best and worst parts if us."

"It does…"

Taking in a breath Beca slowly let it out as their eyes locked, the next thing was going to hurt both of them but it needed to be said.

"I'm still completely in love with you, but our relationship isn't healthy," Chloe's bottom lip trembled slightly and Beca felt horrible, "I'm tired of being treated like I'm only needed when you say so, I can't do it anymore."

"Beca, we can get through this," reaching for her purse Chloe opened the zipper and pulled out her doctor's card and a small brochure. She wasn't sure if bringing this up was going to help them, but it was her last shot. "I'll never be able to recover if I lose you, because then I'll have lost every person I've ever loved."

"But all we do is argue and hurt each other and it's exhausting," Beca really didn't have much more fight left in her. Resting her head against the back of the chair she closed her eyes, "I'm exhausted."

"Come with me to therapy," the words rushed out in one long unrecognizable word so Chloe repeated it slower and added, "Dr. Worthington said it would be good for us, he actually encourages couples counseling."

Lifting her head from the back of the chair Beca saw Chloe looking at her expectantly, "We're past the point of the last ditch effort Chlo."

"Lets just go talk to him…"

"I don't need to explain to another person how fucked up our relationship is."

Chloe let out an annoyed sigh, she was trying and Beca was just shutting her down.

"I know we're in a bad place and all we do is fight," Chloe paused and was met with silence, "but I mention having a third person just listen and make unbiased observations about our fucked up situation so we can potentially move past this," shifting in her seat she crossed her legs and glared, "and you aren't even willing to listen. How mature of you…"

Beca scoffed, "Oh I'm not mature? I came here for you," she pointed across the table, "I answer every one of your," she harshly pointed again, "messages and I'm," she jabbed her chest, "not mature. I'll admit I'm far from perfect, but the way I see it, I'm the only one acting like an adult right now." Reaching for her glass of water she took a quick sip then set it aside, "I told you I wanted you in all your fucked up glory and I also said that I'd do whatever it takes to help you, but I figured this would be a two way street. And so far it's been a one way and now I'm at a dead end with no way to turn around."

"So you don't want an us anymore," Chloe quietly asked.

"No, not if us is like this," Beca ran a hand through her hair working out the knots while avoiding eye contact and trying not to cry. "We're holding so much animosity towards each other that we can't even be happy just sitting together. Are you happy right now?" She heard a quiet no as she dropped her arms, "Me either…"

"I want us to be like we were before," Chloe confessed, "but I don't know how to fix it. I mean fuck Bec…" she bit her lip, the pain and sadness she saw on Beca's face, she knew mirrored of her own, "I don't remember the last time you told me you loved me."

"You haven't exactly been forthcoming with those words either," Beca whispered averting her eyes.

Chloe knew Beca was in love with her, even before being told a few minutes ago, she had no doubt about that, but for the past month they hadn't felt any love for each other. Chloe wants to get that feeling back, she needs it, because she doesn't know if she can survive without loving and being loved by Beca.

"Please come with me to therapy," Chloe said after a few minutes of complete silence, "Dr. Worthington thinks sometimes loved ones just need to sit and listen to each other to understand." She wasn't interrupted so that was promising. "I can tell you everything we've ever talked about and I can explain how it affects me, but let's face it, we're so broken you probably won't believe me. If you come with me you can see what I go through and we can talk about it, we can talk about what I do and have done and how that effects you and we can talk about us and begin to fix us. And it'll be in a totally neutral environment with someone who'll stop us before things can get out of hand."

Beca nodded, "I guess there's some truth to that."

"He told me part of my healing process also needs to involve open and honest discussions with you. So can you come with me?" Chloe questioned hopefully.

Beca just shrugged, not one hundred percent sold on the idea, "Can I think about it? Can we at least compromise on that?"

"Sure," Chloe gave a hesitant smile, thankful she hadn't outright been denied. "I'm meeting with him on Wednesday at four," she handed over the card pointing out the address, "all you have to do is show up."

Reading the name and address Beca noticed it wasn't far from her studio and it kind of upset her knowing that, for the past two weeks since she had been back, Chloe had been so close yet so far away.

Beca pocketed the card, "I won't make any promises."

"Fair enough…"

Tilting her chin in the direction of the pamphlet in Chloe hands Beca asked, "What's that?"

Setting the brochure on the tabletop Chloe ran her fingers over the frayed edges. She'd must have read it at least a hundred times and looked at the website even more before deciding to go to the retreat. It wasn't a rehab facility, which was reassuring, it was more along the lines of a wellness spa with the benefits of individual and group counseling as well as other activities geared around improving a persons mental and physical wellbeing. To her it seemed like an all inclusive resort with the added benefit of continuing and improving the progress she'd already begun with Dr. Worthington. It wasn't intensive or rigidly structured, she could come and go as she pleased, and it was totally geared around what the individual and their doctor felt was best for them.

Originally, Chloe wasn't going to go because it had been brought up on her first day in therapy, but she soon learned it wasn't just a gimmick. Dr. Worthington was an active participant on the clinical side of things, he volunteered all his time, and even dedicated an entire month twice a year for in house counseling. After hearing all that and asking random questions over the last few weeks she had decided to go so she could continue her face to face sessions with Dr. Worthington.

Almost as a bonus, the place also served the same purpose for couples and Dr. Worthington even mentioned how he's had numerous couples attend and have great success reconnecting and building strong foundations. And Chloe liked the fact that there were activities designed to help relationships regain each others trust, but the biggest draw had to be the fun things they could do together. It was things her doctor said were meant to take them both out of their comfort zones and force them to communicate in ways that would enhance and grow their bond while learning to manage conflicts and trust each other.

Chloe didn't see this as a solution to fix everything, but it along with couples counseling could be the thing that puts them back on track or it could be the place where they can mutually call it quits.

"So this," Chloe slid the brochure across the table, "is like…well it's really hard to explain," she gave an uneasy laugh watching Beca pick it up.

"The Lodge At Fallen Leaves," Beca read out loud, "enhance your sense of inner wellness and mental health at a private, comfortable lakeside resort." Looking up she smirked, "Sounds like a rich persons rehab."

"It's not," Chloe reassured, leaning over she gently opened the folds and pointed to a few pictures of the accommodations, "It's about as far from a rehab as you can get…Is it more private and exclusive than some of the other places people could go? Yeah, probably." She seemed to have Beca's attention, so she used Dr. Worthington's approach to the retreat to do the convincing, "I won't say anymore because I want you to do research and judge it for yourself. So take that and go online and learn what it's all about, their website is super informative. Then if you come Wednesday," their eyes connected and Beca's softened slightly, "you can ask Dr. Worthington all the questions you want."

Flipping the brochure over Beca read the brief synopsis of how the place was beneficial for individuals and couples.

"So like, you're going," Beca set the brochure aside.

"Yeah I'm going," Chloe tried to sound upbeat, but it felt like Beca's question was mocking her, "my doctor is spending the entire month there so for the sake of keeping up with my sessions in person, I'm going too. The area is breathtaking and reminds me of a place I stayed at in Switzerland."

For once Beca was finding out something before Chloe does it, "Is it a hotel?"

"Kind of, they have regular rooms, but I booked a two bedroom cabin down by the lake, for some extra privacy and so I can paint," it felt like home with her own space and that was a huge draw for Chloe, "I can bring Billie and there's a small kitchen and laundry room."

"So a whole month?"

"Yep!" For once they weren't fighting and it made Chloe feel like Beca was being a little bit receptive to this whole idea. "I don't have to check in until Sunday, but I'm heading up Friday morning to get settled and have my usual session with Dr. Worthington that afternoon," for good measure she added, "Then I'll relax over the weekend, do some hiking and check out the little town."

Beca nodded trying to decipher the meaning behind Chloe's explanation because she wasn't blind to the fact that Chloe had rented a private cabin with two rooms.

"Did you want me to go?"

Tucking a strand of hair behind her ear Chloe let out a puff of air, "I mean I'd like for you to, but no pressure," she held up her hands in defense. "It's one on one time where we can live together and work on our communication and relationship, I think it could be good for us."

"I don't know Chloe," Beca rested an elbow on the table and looked down at the brochure, "I mean it seems kind of lame, like the only way to save our relationship is to go to a summer camp."

"You know what, forget I offered," Chloe snatched the pamphlet from under Beca's elbow and shoved it back in her purse. If Beca was going to be a bitch and make fun of her then they really were over.

"Oh Chloe come on," Beca's voice raised in shock, "it's just you have to admit a place like that really is," her mouth snapped shut at the death glare she received.

"Beca just shut up, don't you dare say another fucking word," Chloe's tone was icy and sharp. Motioning for the waiter's attention she quickly put on a smile as she signaled they were ready for their bill. Once he stepped inside she dropped the happy façade as she turned back to Beca, "This is something I'm already doing and I was hoping you could come too, but if you'd rather sit here and make it into a big joke, go ahead. I'm still going, especially since I quit my job for you and have all this free time on my hands until January when I start at the Chronicle."

"But what about us?"

"Oh whatever you just spent," Chloe lowered her voice and mockingly checked her nonexistent watch, "the entire day telling me how we're practically over anyways. So it's up to you to decide where we go from here. Together or not together the choice is yours, but once you decide feel free to let me know because if I need to start moving on from you I'd like to start sooner rather than later."

The waiter approached and Chloe quickly took out her credit card and handed it over. Beca didn't move or say anything as the remainder of their dinner was packaged up in to go boxes. After signing the bill and thanking the waiter, Chloe looked across the table to find Beca practically crying as she typed a message into her phone with shaky hands. Even though it broke Chloe's heart she didn't let it sway her anger.

"Can you take me back to the hotel?"

"Yeah sure no problem…"

---

Thanks for reading!

Liked it, loved it or hated it? I want to know your thoughts, so drop me a review or shoot me a PM and let me know what you think.

I don't mean to keep destroying you guys with my chapters, but keep have a little faith in Bechloe. They aren't giving up yet so neither should you :)

So here's the deal, the next chapter is completely written, but I'm going on vacation/holiday/time off from work, whatever you want to call it at the end of the month for 16 days to Europe. It needs a major edit and a few read throughs before sending it off to my beta. I'm going to do my best to edit it before the end of next week, that way sugarlandaddicts can have ample time to beta while I'm gone, but I doubt I'll be able to have it posted before I go or while I'm gone to Spain...But hey at least you guys don't have to wait for me to write another chapter! I'll do my best to get it out as quick as I can once I get back I promise!

Until next time...