Chapter 13: Parasites
Ariadne winced. The servant readjusted the black fabrics of her dress at waist-level.
"Father never hosts feasts so tardy," Phaedra said.
"That's what worries me." Ariadne glanced at her sister. The mute silver dress she was given clashed with her golden hair. "How come your dress doesn't match your hair?"
"I know, right? They're making you match!" Phaedra whined.
The chamber doors popped open. The servants stopped all activity to quickly bow before the Titaness who was their Queen. Ariadne could see their bare shoulders shake and their sweat trailing down their foreheads. Phaedra also kept her hair down.
Pasiphaë placed a birdcage over Phaedra's vanity mirror.
The cuckoo bird Dionysus had dotted on earlier was flying frantically in it.
Phaedra sneezed. "Mother! Why is that pest here? You know I'm allergic to cuckoo feathers!"
"An oddly specific allergy that I don't care about." Pasiphaë clasped her hands. The servants rushed to fitting the princesses. Ariadne stiffened when the Queen approached her.
"So why is Father hosting a feast anyway? You just came back from one," she questioned, stretching her arms out for the servants to push the short-sleeved black vest. A plain golden belt was fastened above it.
"The feast?" Pasiphaë held Ariadne's chin up. The Titaness' unusual smile alarmed the princess. "Why, it's a reward! Well done, Ariadne!"
Both princesses were alarmed.
"Uh, what?" Ariadne pulled away from Pasiphaë.
"Mother, you and Father NEVER host a feast for us!" Phaedra exclaimed. "You barely even remember our birthdays, yet the Minotaur gets a festival when the Athenians come! And Ariadne let a savage demigod into your palace! Sleep in her bed!"
"We're fucking kids, Phaedra! What did you think we were doing?" Ari snarled.
"What do you think demigods do to princesses?"
Ari's eye twitched.
All the servants fled the chambers.
"You… YOU SNITCHED?"
Phaedra's pearl complexion turned paler.
"You… You... YOU!" Ariadne's hair flared up and her horns ripped through her skin. Phaedra tripped on her back. Pasiphaë just checked her nails.
Ariadne felt someone pull her back just as she was ready to attack her sister.
"Easy there, big girl!" Medea laughed, holding Ariadne down tightly.
Ariadne elbowed Medea in the stomach.
"Fuck off before I ripoff YOUR limbs, Medea!" She pushed her infamous cousin away.
Medea squealed, clapping her hands. "Trying to kill your sister AND your cousin?" She sniffed. Ariadne gagged at the mascara dripping from Medea's tears. Pasiphaë nonchalantly gave Medea a tissue. "You're growing up so fast! It's just like how I murdered MY brother just so I could run off with Jason!"
"And how did that work out again?" Ariadne snarked. "Oh, right! He dumped you for a princess, you burned said princess and all of Corinth, murdered your own kids, and basically using your Athenian sugar daddy to rig the votes of Athenians to sacrifice to us."
"We can talk about your attitude later." Ariadne felt the Titaness pull her to sit before the vanity. Medea wasted no time to pull the young girl's hair, brushing it as fast as she could to straighten it. "Phaedra's snitching was useless until we realized that your guest was the exact popular topic back at last night's event across the island."
"Dionysus, the demigod of wine. Creator of the biggest illegal alcohol empire in the Mediterranean. Explorer in the arts of ecstasy, madness, and merriment!" Medea brushed Ariadne's hair harder before constricting it into a ponytail with a golden string. "I've heard about him/her nonstop in Athens, even Aegeus annually buys his products! Athens now has the finest meals!"
"The one who gave Midas the Golden Touch." Pasiphaë flicked her fingers against the birdcage.
"Naxos is building a temple for him/her!" Medea decorated Ariadne's hair with pearl bands. Summoning a makeup kit, Medea snatched Ari's chin. Ariadne hated the force the witch put on applying eyeshadow. "I'm almost envious, Aria! You scored a soon-to-be Olympian! All on your own!"
Ariadne's lips were forced into a purse for the dark lipstick.
"Just imagine it." Pasiphaë gave the caged cuckoo a sneer. The Titaness went on to summon a pair of golden, sun-themed earrings and a matching choker. "Circe's envy. Helios' pride. APOLLO's downfall… My daughter… An Olympian sun goddess…"
Ariadne's eyes shined.
"Oh, TARTARUS, NO!" Ariadne jumped off the chair. Her reddened eyes stared at her aunt and cousin. Phaedra hid behind a column. "I get it now! You thought I was getting close to Dionysus for such a purpose! The whole feast is just one big way to double on mortal favors! The soon-to-be Olympian favors a Cretan princess who HAPPENS to be of Helios' legacy, and since we're close friends, I'm being dolled up so the court will think that the future Olympian will take me as his bride, make me immortal, and I replace Apollo so you don't do it yourselves but bask in the glory of having mothered an Olympian!" Ariadne turned away, tightening her fists. "Hate to break it to you, but it's one thing when Aunt Circe threatens Dionysus and my siblings so I go to my full potential. It's ANOTHER thing if you think I'd give Dionysus the misfortune of having you as in-laws, and I'd rather keep that misfortune to myself!"
The sorceresses just stared at Ariadne. The cuckoo chirped in its cage. Ariadne exhaled a proud relief…
Pasiphaë and Medea's laughter was cruel.
Ariadne didn't understand.
"Wow! The youthful obliviousness always escapes me, even when it's coming from the mouth of a smartass below a decade of age!" Medea cackled.
"I don't know which is better! Her confidence, or her willingness to self-destruct!" Pasiphaë joined in. "Oh, but like Zeus always believed, love's a fling."
Ariadne nearly stopped breathing. Her mother's hands glowed by her cheeks.
"Don't worry, sweetie. Once you become an Olympian yourself, you can always arrange an accident to become a widow." The Queen put the earrings on the princess' ears. "It's not like Dionysus will be useful to you once you ascend."
The choker felt tight on Ariadne's neck.
"And that's not even a blackmail. Think about it. You resisted the urge to desert us to go with Dionysus. And why did you refuse? Loyalty to your siblings? Loyalty gets people hurt, Ariadne. And think about it. HOW has Phaedra shown her loyalty to you?"
In her hiding spot, Phaedra cowered.
"Wow! All this mental torture's got me parched! Since we got REAL wine now, I'm going to hit the buffet!" Medea walked out. "Knock 'em dead, Aria!"
Pasiphaë's arms wrapped around Ariadne. In her anger, the princess had enough disgust for that gesture of false affection.
"You make me proud, Ariadne."
The Queen of Crete flicked at the cuckoo's cage once more before leaving as well.
Phaedra stepped out of the column.
"Ariadne…"
Ariadne didn't bother looking at her sister. She went to check on the poor cuckoo.
"I… I just didn't want us to get into trouble…"
Phaedra's vanity mirror broke once Ariadne slammed her fist into it.
"US in trouble…" Ariadne snorted. She calmly released it from its cage. The harmless animal didn't need to deal with the anger boiling in Ariadne. She waited for the cuckoo to finally fly out the window. "How'd YOU get in trouble?"
The blonde princess bit her lip.
"You know, I'm not even ten yet." Ariadne pointed out. "Aside from the whole shit with Poseidon's bull, we and Asterion were basically born as triplets. I tried… SO HARD to resist being what Pasiphaë and her family wanted! I tried SO HARD to irritate Minos! I resisted Dionysus' offer to leave Crete! Why did I do that again? Oh, right!" Ariadne turned to confront her blonde, pearl-skinned sister. "I did it for my siblings! Except… only Asterion was loyal. Wasn't he?"
Phaedra clenched her fists.
"You're being unfair!" Phaedra stomped her foot. "I've been loyal! I've constantly been covering your tracks while you ran off!"
"And a GREAT job you did! So why did you snitch? And don't give me a clichéd 'I wanted to be better than you' excuse, you can cut that…"
"ARIADNE!" Pasiphaë's voice echoed within the chambers. "THE GUESTS ARE HERE!"
"IN A FUCKING MINUTE!" Ariadne yelled. "I'M WISHING PHAEDRA JUST HANGED HERSELF!"
Phaedra gasped.
"THAT'S MY GIRL!"
Ariadne stormed out of the chambers.
Her anger picked up Phaedra's sobbing.
Still…
It just wasn't fair!
It's too much to handle!
How did things go downhill?
The main balcony led above the courtyard. Maybe instead of Phaedra…
"I wouldn't do that."
Ariadne didn't have to bother looking. She could already fancy her aunt leaning against the pillar, checking her nails.
"I've tried that before. Jumping off to kill myself. All I did was scorch fifty crop fields. You'd survive, but you'd scorch the whole palace… and Crete."
"And I fancy that you came to gloat?" Ariadne hissed at Circe. "Give me a big 'I told you so'? Convince me to come with you earlier than intended?"
"For once, no. I was going to come tomorrow as I intended. But Father noticed an unusual dark sky above Crete."
Ariadne looked at the sky. Indeed, what had been a clear sky in the morning was shrouded in dark clouds. It certainly wasn't the middle of the day yet, but it could almost be mistaken for night. The brightest lights came from the palace torches, the feast fires, and the solar light coming from the legacy of the Sun Titan. The black veil over Circe didn't do much to conceal her light.
"And unless Zeus has a particular issue with Crete, everywhere else in Greece is perfectly sunny."
Ariadne leaned against the balcony's railing. "So you're here for a weather checkup. As if…"
"You know, as sadistic as I am and how much I like to keep our legacy in check, I'm a bit disappointed." Circe crossed her arms. "Blackmailing? Yes. Verbal abuse? Yes. Backhand slapping? Absolutely! But in our worst moments, my siblings and I NEVER wished suicide on the other."
Ariadne sniffed.
"I mean, we did disown our brother permanently after he lost guardianship of the Golden Fleece, but it's not like we told him to hang himself."
Ariadne buried her face in her arms.
"You know, thousands of years ago, when a giant attacked Aeaea, he tried to assault me as an option to conquer my island," Circe said. "Helios killed him on the spot. Mollies grew where the giant's blood soaked the grass. Odysseus was able to counter my spells by ingesting a molly."
Ariadne just ignored her aunt.
"You know, if your demigod pet might get uncomfortable, you could just tell him. Odysseus flat out told me he had to return home."
"I don't want to tell Dionysus," Ariadne growled.
"Why not? What's the worst he can do?"
The worst.
The worst Dionysus could do…
The demigod was nearly dead and drowning by the shores of Crete when Ariadne first found him. And that was AFTER Dionysus did the worst.
Pirates were swimming with the fishes, and not as an euphemism.
And Dionysus wasn't entirely different from his/her aunt Persephone…
Hades would have probably gone for Apollo's liver…
Ariadne looked down at the courtyard. The court was having its merriment. A lamb was being sacrificed. In the meantime, Minos was inaudibly chatting with other nobles.
The guest-of-honor had yet to show.
"Now that I think about it… Is your friend a demigod bastard of Zeus? That would explain the dark clouds. His offspring can never retain their tantrums in public. Dark skies are very convenient for hiding tantrums, schemes, and acts of wrath. Nothing Helios could report on."
Ariadne headed for the doorway. "I need to talk to my friend."
"Oh, and Ariadne?"
Ariadne turned to face her aunt.
"I wasn't invited, so don't tell about me giving you advice. But do tell your pet about everything else."
"I do find your newfound support oddly suspicious," Ariadne said.
"The longer you wait, the more impatient Pasiphaë gets."
Those were the only words Ariadne needed to run back indoors.
Far enough that she could hear Circe. Far enough that she couldn't see Circe extending her hand to welcome the cuckoo bird.
"Good work, my friend." Circe stroked the bird's head. The creature chirped a little tune. "Really? Well, that's interesting."
Meanwhile, in the Underworld
Though they kept with their duties, Hades and Persephone were still nervously awaiting Silenus' response. Reassuring them that Dionysus was fine after running off in a panic.
Persephone felt horrible. She just wanted to cheer the child up…
In their shared office at Underworld Corp, the Underworld rulers checked the census for deceased souls within the century, blueprints for Elysium, and updates on the newest ecosystem. On his side, Hades ignored a phone call of his brother.
Persephone anxiously typed on her computer. She hoped Dionysus was alright…
A ding came with a message. "Oh! Hestia sent me the link!"
"Link?" Hades looked up from his paperwork.
"To the Fertility Fellowship's contact information."
Hades got up to look at his fiancée's screen.
Fertility Fellowship (FF)
The power of life is a purpose, not a luxury.
Major/minor deities in an inter-pantheon organization (IPO) to further balance fertility, feasting, and fecundation to all beings, flora, fauna, and mortal.
Major groups organized by hemispheres. Secondary groups organized by other functions.
Are you a fertility goddess/god/deity? Are you backed up by a divine king? Then apply for membership! Hit this button and our first-hand responders might connect you to the FF's CG (Chair God/Goddess).
P.S: If this is Zeus, fuck off.
The couple groaned at the last line.
"Wow…" Persephone groaned. "And because he and HIS boys spoke on the candidates' behalf!" She recalled what Hestia had told her.
Persephone tapped her fingers.
"Hades, IPOs never recruit demigods, right?"
Hades frowned. "Uh… Where'd you get that impression?"
Persephone told Hades about the conversation she had with Hestia the previous night. Hades grimaced at each mention of Demeter's intervention, Zeus' reputation with IPOs, and the Solar Guild. "I guess I was only thinking about it after Hestia and I talked… Hades… Silenus got Dionysus all these fertility gods as tutors…"
"Hestia's not fully wrong," Hades took her hand and held it firmly. "Supposing he WAS what you think he is, he'd still need a divine king to agree on his application… If Zeus knew…" He shook his head.
"But the double-puberty! Dionysus is also becoming a chthonic deity!" Persephone pointed out. "And I've seen what happened to Psyche! Dionysus might turn into a god!"
"You know, you're my divine queen," Hades pointed out, smirking a bit. "You are a divine ruler of the Underworld. If YOU applied to the FF on your own and they accept, you'd automatically approve your own application."
"And along with gaining inter-pantheon diplomacy knowledge and meet other fertility gods, I can reassure myself that Dionysus has nothing to worry about!" Persephone kissed Hades and booped his nose. "You give good ideas, you know that?"
The Goddess of Spring inhaled… and clicked the button.
Immediately, she found herself receiving a phone call from the office phone. Hades pushed the speaker option.
"Fertility Fellowship, where the power of life is a purpose, not a privilege. Lori speaking."
"Um… Hello… My name is Persephone…"
The computer screen shut down.
Lights flickered. Hades shielded Persephone from the exploding lightbulbs. The shards scattered into beetles, the critters swarming into a mound. The mound solidified from shells into a golden chrysalis. Golden wings opened up, the feather membranes shining like topazes and jaspers. A goddess revealed herself.
Persephone had never met a god outside their pantheon. This one almost reminded Persephone of Hera… Only Persephone was alarmed by the withered beauty and her sand gold skin pressing against her form from the collar to everywhere else. It reminded Persephone of the flowers they'd gather in bunches and hang by windowsills to dry to maintain the plants' withered forms. Her bob haircut went to her back level and had a perfect, ink-black shade. Her black blazer covered her well-ironed white blouse and her pleated black skirt only revealed her bare toes. Her gloves could be mistaken for mummy bandages. Her black eyeliner was her only makeup, but she made singular outlines perfectly pop out her dark eyes. Her Egyptian necklace shined underneath her blazer.
The goddess was a combo of magnificent AND terrifying.
"Isis." Hades politely bowed. "Queen of the Egyptian pantheon and goddess of magic and fertility."
Isis stared at Hades.
"Nice to see you're still nothing like your brother," Isis said, oddly smiling. "It's been decades, Hades. The very least you could do is reply back to the Chthonic Community. They've been reaching out to you for eons!"
"Are they still using mail delivery? Zeus always has Hermes bring him inter-pantheon letters." Hades frowned.
Isis cussed something in her dialect. "I told those jackasses to update to email… Jack… JACKAL!" Isis quickly looked at her sides. "Did any of you see…"
Hades' dogs barked through the office hallways. Workers ran to catch them. Through the glass walls, the gods could see Hades' pack of pets chasing a jackal cub. Somehow, the office door opened. The jackal jumped on top of Hades' desk.
"Guys! No! Bad dogs!" Hades' scowled at them.
"Sweetie! Are you OK?" Isis rushed to the jackal cub.
Black flames engulfed the jackal cub. A little boy, barely 7 or 8 years old, was now sitting on the desk. His white shirt was properly tucked underneath his black trousers. Over said shirt, his black sweater vest had knitted golden patterns of hieroglyphics. Like Isis, he was barefooted, though in his case, he had the canine claws she lacked. His earrings were small, golden canine skulls. His short, ink blue hair was tied back in a ponytail.
His eyes were paler than Selene riding her horse at night.
"Out! Now!" Persephone showed her red eyes at the canines. "We'll talk about your behavior back home."
The workers took with them the pouting dogs.
"Sweetie, I told you to stick close!" Isis picked the boy up the desk and put him on the ground.
"I did. How was I supposed to know that I'd end up in the doggy office?" The boy quietly asked.
"Probably your chthonic puberty." Isis walked him to a nearby sofa. "Why don't you sit there? Maybe draw? Your calligraphy's getting better."
"OK, Auntie Isis." The boy sat down, a sketchpad and drawing kit appearing on his lap.
"So! Minus that!" Isis clasped her hands, turned, and opened her arms before Persephone. "Kore! Persephone! Proserpina! Goddess of Spring AND Queen of the Greco-Roman Underworld! You have NO IDEA how long I've been dying to meet you!"
"Um, five seconds ago?" Persephone shook hands with the goddess.
"Ha!" Isis laughed. Her laughter caused her nephew to shrink in the sofa. She noticed his reaction and controlled herself, switching to a calmer, yet fast track. "No. Since you were about the same age as my nephew Anubis."
"Good joke," Persephone chuckled awkwardly.
"Auntie doesn't have a sense of humor," Anubis said. His eyes didn't even look at what he was doing. His fingers felt around the paper pad before finally flipping through a couple pages. The glass jars tinged when his claws tapped their surfaces. He finally dipped his paintbrush in ink.
Isis smiled nervously at her nephew.
"Do… Do you want me to get some tea for you?" Hades offered.
"Mint for both of us, please." Isis nodded.
"Don't give me any sugars or add-ins. I hate that." Anubis sketched.
"Anubis! That's not how you ask people!" Isis chided.
"Sorry, Auntie. I'll work on it."
Isis sighed. Hades just gave her a reassuring smile and went to fill an electric kettle. Persephone invited Isis to sit down before her own desk.
"To be fair, he's got a point. I'm not joking." Isis clasped her hands. "Zeus already aggravated us with the whole 'fertility goddess fiascos'. It already didn't help that Ra was close friends with your predecessor Metis…"
Persephone gave a sad nod, thinking of her encounter with Metis…
"And I'm guessing you heard of the other candidates he and his… offspring rejected on their behalf. We don't do a lottery pick. When a fertility deity comes to existence, their growing powers send a signal to our headquarters. We picked up your signal when you were a child."
"Did you tell my mother?" Persephone asked. Hades plugged in the filled kettle.
"Of course we told Demeter! SHE already knew what you were, but she wanted to hear nothing of you gaining our resources! Or at the very least, fix our inter-pantheon diplomacy relationship! 'Think of the impact she could bring to your pantheon', we told her. 'No! My daughter will not be some representational trinket that Zeus can marry off for business! Kore's got her future figured out as my business heiress and future candidate of The Goddesses of Eternal Maidenhood!' We warned her it would backfire!"
"Maybe she's afraid of history repeating itself… except the more she tries to smother and insist that her way is right, the more she does repeat history." Anubis spoke up over his doodling.
"I mean, we reached out to her AGAIN after that whole wrath spectacle that named you the Bringer Of Death! 'We told you so! Just let us help!' She said no! We tried reaching out to her during her exile, but she was unconscious. We tried calling her AFTER she was released, but she hung up on us. Then HESTIA called us, saying SHE tried to suggest Demeter to suggest to YOU that the FF could be one of your options, and then SHE called ME to tell me to mind my fucking business!"
"Auntie is the Chair Goddess of the Fertility Fellowship," Anubis said. "She's a real boss."
"Aw, thank you." Isis' soft smile at her nephew made Persephone's heart melt.
"I didn't realize you were the Chair Goddess." Hades handed out the hot cups of tea to the goddesses.
"It's an election based on performances."
"And you're the right goddess to address it then!" Persephone sipped her tea. "Since I became Queen of the Underworld by trade with Erebus…"
"And soon by marriage. Congrats!" Isis winked, pointing at Persephone's engagement ring.
Persephone wiggled her ring finger. "True! But, yes. Since… TECHNICALLY speaking, I am on the same divine ruling ground as my fiancé on account of being tethered to the Underworld…"
"And including my permission, as King of the Underworld AND one of the divine kings…" Hades said, earning Persephone's nod. "Can she join the Fertility Fellowship?"
Isis rubbed her own chin, her wings' feathers ruffling in thought. "Hard to say… On one hand, it IS possible."
The couple held hands in excitement.
"I mean, Osiris and I are rulers of our pantheon, both in death and life. We were able to apply on account of our divine royalty… BUUUUTTT…"
"Oh, Gaia… Isis, you can't…" Hades said.
"Eh…" Isis grimaced. "To be fair, we may be the ruling couple of our pantheon, but Ra is still the de facto ruler of all of our kin, so it still had to go through him. And while YOU, Hades, are the divine ruler of the biggest realm in your pantheon's triarchy… Your brother unfortunately rules ALL the gods in your pantheon… So, you CAN apply, but Zeus might overrule it."
Persephone's eyes became red.
"You can always apply with a Chaos Immunity Clause."
Anubis' casual statement made Isis spit her tea.
"Sweetie! No! We don't talk about the CIC for a reason!"
"The… CIC?" Persephone's eyes lost their red colors.
Anubis joined the adults. He held out his drawing pad. Along with a nice, small Egyptian illustration perfectly showing the adults discussing, a perfectly written Braille text filled ¾ of the page.
The Greco-Roman gods had to look at the child again.
"Can you stop staring at my nephew like that?" Isis demanded.
They stopped. They just listened as Anubis read out loud what he had written, his fingers feeling the dots.
"'Chaos Immunity Clause, the Audacious Loophole. Advised by the primordial and current deities of chaos to all pantheons. Should a deity's application to an Inter-Pantheon Organization (IPO) be rejected on account of their pantheon's ruler's biases, the applicant may file for a CIC if they feel their ruler has unfairly neglected them.
'By filing a CIC, the applicant forces a trial summoning all the pantheons' divine rulers to present their statements. The divine rulers give their individual votes at the podium before the audience. The final straw, however, is the vote of the applicant's ruler. Should the majority vote positive or negative, the applicant's ruler's vote will make it indefinite. However, should the ruler vote against the majority or fix a tiebreaker, this will lead to an inter-pantheon war until all Chaos breaks loose.'" Anubis stopped reading.
"This can't be a serious statement!" Hades exclaimed.
"It is. It's also used when a god gets booted off an IPO and they went to protect their status." Isis shook her head. "When the Solar Guild booted off Apollo back in the 40s, he filed a CIC to keep his throne."
"And he got a trial?" Persephone started to get angry.
"No!" Isis snickered. "They tore his file into pieces, burned it, and mailed the ashes to Zeus! Nobody liked him in the Guild, so when he threatened the inter-pantheon trading with your Underworld, they knew he had to go! The Audacious Loophole can be turned down by the rulers easily, and we're thousands to the Greco-Romans' ONE!" She then glared at Anubis. "But the CIC is NOT something to recommend, Sweetie! Remember the Great Flood?"
"But if Persephone applies with the option of CIC, she's not officially filing for one," Anubis said. "She'd get backup."
"You think so?" Persephone kindly asked the boy.
"Auntie and Uncle always say that Zeus is a never-my-fault, sexist prick." Isis' facepalmed herself while her hosts giggled at her nephew's bluntness. For a 7 to 8-years-old brat, he was smart. "If you apply with a CIC in your statement, your backup is an inter-pantheon trial if Zeus says no. When Zeus sees this, he only has two choices: just accept your application or risk the CIC. If he says no, you get the trial. All the pantheons have wanted a Greco-Roman fertility deity among their ranks for thousands of years. It's VERY likely that 99% of the divine rulers will say yes to your application. THEN, Zeus only has two options: say yes, you get into the FF, and this improves his pantheon's connections to the others. If he says no, it's the end of the world." Anubis pondered a bit. "He could always play favorites and just accept since you're his future sister-in-law. That would save him the trouble."
Persephone's fingers tapped against her knuckles.
She needed to meet other fertility deities. That wasn't even an option. The application filing, on the other hand…
So many possibilities… So much to think about…
So much to do for Dionysus…
Meanwhile, on Olympus
Zeus puffed his cigar into the hallway leading to his office.
This was getting too out of hand for him.
Couldn't Hera at least call him? She already told him she had told him so!
Everybody knew now what Apollo had done, so Zeus shouldn't have to worry about his least favorite son going after his future sister-in-law anymore! Yet, they still gave him the stink!
He passed the PA typing at the computer.
Zeus paused.
PA? He hasn't had a PA since he expelled Thetis…
He took a peek from the doorway.
Zeus almost thought he saw a mortal typing on the keyboard. The sapphire locks pulled back in a ponytail proved otherwise. The demigod looked up once and resumed printing and stapling the paperwork as if he hadn't just seen the King of The Gods.
Zeus heard the voices from his office.
The thunder alerted Hebe, interrupting her from the casual conversation she was having with the suited-up mortal arranging the bottles in his mini-bar. (Because with the hectic situation of the last ten years, Zeus had built himself a mini bar in his own office).
"Hebe." Zeus made himself visible.
"Father." Hebe smiled a bit.
"Lord Zeus." The mortal cleaning the pint-sized glasses politely nodded.
"Hebe… What exactly is happening?" Zeus firmly looked at his daughter. "You know we don't allow mortals on Olympus."
"Permanently, but the guys are temporary employees." Hebe put her hands together. "You've been, well, highly behind on the bureaucratic paperwork because of, well, the situations. I've already talked about it with Mother and Athena, and I got some good recommendations from the Muses, and then Herakles. I figured that, with everything going on right now, you could have some extra assistance at the office. Especially, since, you know…" Hebe hesitated.
"You can tell me anything," Zeus reassured his daughter.
"Well, alright." Hebe rolled her eyes. "Since Mother's not crazy on how you handle your personal, FEMALE selections, and after what Thetis did, letting you have another female PA wasn't going to work. Especially a potential throne-stealing nymph. So, I went for TWO well-qualified temporary recruits from the Mortal Realm. One for your general paperwork and call management, the other for your refreshments and general direct assistance. And don't worry about the refreshments. I sampled them."
"Hebe, you didn't have to do that."
"I just want to make sure you have what you need. Their resumés are on your desk. I need to meet up with Mother for dinner." She patted him on the back. "Good luck on your first day, guys!"
"Thank you, Lady Hebe!" The mortal waved. The demigod at the desk just nodded.
Zeus watched his daughter leave. He then stared at the newest additions.
Seriously? Why me?
His desk phone kept flashing a blue light.
"A lot of calls await you from your fellow deities, Lord Zeus," the mortal said, stacking the glasses.
"Have your friend at the desk answer them." Zeus sat down.
"He's under a contract to only respond to non-deity calls, Lord Zeus," the mortal politely said. "Satyrs, nymphs, demigods, mortals, and even monsters are part of his permitted list. His contract states that if a deity calls, their calls must be directed to your receiving line. A deity can't properly communicate with the King of the Gods' secretary unless the King of the Gods reminds the deity who they try to address."
Zeus frowned at the mortal.
"Also, my friend's bitchy fiancé is a possessive jerk. When your daughter informed him that his betrothed was being considered for a temporary gig in an Olympian office, he reinforced their house rules into professional rules. No talking to other gods without his presence."
Zeus almost wanted to smirk at the mortal's audacious use of foul language. He checked on the list of calls in the waiting list.
"Oh, and just to let you know, my friend over has been giving another particular rule. NEVER be approached by Apollo, not even accept a conversation. He just hung up every time your son called. Saves you the annoyances."
Zeus smiled gratefully for once.
"Did Hebe mention to you how I like my coffee?"
At the same time
Hyacinthus watched Ganymede successfully approach the King of the Gods.
He was fortunate for the walls being soundproof. Zeus seemed distracted by the anticipation of getting coffee.
Hyacinthus pulled out a phone. Fortunately not the one Zephyrus had given him.
It didn't take long for his call to be answered.
"It's me," he said. "The infiltration worked. Zephyrus still doesn't have a clue. Do you still want me in on Operation Parasite?"