Warning: History of sexual abuse talked about.
...
When she was seven her mom left.
Only it wasn't so much 'left' as 'was thrown out'. Judy Fabray was forced out after she caught Russell staring at Quinn one too many times and tried to leave with her. She got about a mile away before a cop car stopped her because she was swerving. Judy was drunk when she tried to leave her husband with her daughter. Russell charged her with custodial interference and courts didn't have much trouble taking the side of a upstanding white male citizen over a drunkard.
This admittedly hadn't sat well with Quinn's older sister Frannie, who had been waiting for a ride home from school during the great escape attempt. All of sixteen, she'd been understandably upset that her mother had tried to take off with her baby sister and hadn't really cared where Frannie was. The age gap between the sisters had made them distant but friendly with one another, Quinn being the one truly invested in the relationship for the chance at an older sisters approval. Judy had unintentionally shredded that relationship to pieces.
And when an extremely confused Quinn had approached her older sister with questions about the way her father was starting to treat her, Frannie had yelled at her that she had always been the favorite with both her parents and she was a dirty, selfish liar.
Needless to say, when Frannie left for college when Quinn was nine, they hadn't really kept in contact.
With Judy out of the way, Quinn was Russell's do to with as he pleased. It started small, as grooming can, with lingering kisses and insisting on helping her change for bed. Russell instilled in Quinn a healthy dose of God-fearing and an even bigger helping of self-hatred. "It's your fault that I do these things, Quinnie, you and your feminine wiles. I know, baby, I know you don't mean to, but that's the lot for women." Her dad was a grown man and knew this stuff and Quinn had to learn. Pleas of "Daddy no, please stop, it hurts," were answered with, "It's okay, I can't stop, you're mine baby." It didn't take a while lot of training for Quinn to go mostly silent.
As she got older it got rougher and there was more Russell made her do, but according to Russell they never had sex because it would be an abomination. So no vaginal or anal penetration with a penis. That didn't mean he couldn't penetrate her with anything else. Things that probably hurt a whole lot more than his tiny little dick ever could.
Russell didn't let Quinn have friends, not even before her mother left. According to him all the people in Lima were sinners, even the ones he made nice with each week at church. When Quinn hit middle school she decided to be rebellious. She made friends for the first time.
Their names were Santana Lopez and Brittany Pierce. Santana shared Quinn's learned low opinion of everyone else and Brittany made Quinn start to believe that maybe people weren't black and white. It was hard for Quinn to reconcile her dad's beliefs with ideas from books that she devoured, and Brittany started to make it even harder. At first, Quinn thought Brittany was stupid or something and only made nice with her so that she could hang out with the cool Santana, but Quinn soon realized that she had a child-like sort of wisdom to her. She was all hope and innocence, something that neither Santana or Quinn had an abundance of. And Quinn started to love her for it. Love both of them. They welcomed her in and it felt better than anything she'd ever experienced.
Quinn started to hang out with them every second she could and they bonded fast and irrevocably (or so it felt at the time). Russell let Quinn have them because a kid at twelve with no friends looked more than a bit odd and he wanted to avoid more counselor calls. And he liked that Brittany girl even if the dirty Mexican followed her everywhere like a furious tidal wave.
One day toward the end of seventh grade, Quinn finally invited them for a sleepover at her house after the hundredth sleepover at one of theirs and the inevitable question, "When can we see your house?" Her dad wouldn't do anything with them around, surely. And he didn't. He let them girl out in Quinn's room ("This is your room, Q? It looks like a unicorn shit it out." "Unicorns are awesome, S!" "Yeah, I guess…") and left them alone except to order pizza and tell them lights out. Quinn had to bashfully tell the girls that there were no locks on the bathroom doors (there weren't locks from the inside on any doors in Quinn's house, only locks on the outside and Quinn's dad had the key). Santana had given her a long stare and then took Brittany's hand to go to the bathroom. Quinn blushed crimson when she heard Santana whisper to Brittany in the hallway, "If you need to go in the middle of the night wake me up, B, don't go alone. These crackas be crazy."
But in the middle of the night it wasn't Santana that Brittany woke, it was Quinn. Brittany shook Quinn awake and with wide, apologetic eyes she whispered loudly, "San's a sound sleeper sometimes and this is one of them. I feel bad breaking her first promise but her second was don't go alone and I'll feel better if I can keep a part. Please come with me?"
So Quinn went with Brittany to the restroom.
Her dad was in the hallway.
His eyes sparkled maliciously at the sight of them. Brittany smiled politely but seemed nervous even though she couldn't figure out why. Quinn was silent.
"Hello girls! Off to the bathroom? I just went, what a coincidence."
"Yessir, Mr. Fabray," Brittany said with a nod.
"Well, I'll see you two in the morning. Goodnight, Quinnie. It's wonderful to have you here, Brittany." Russell Fabray vanished down the hall.
Brittany watched him go, a considering look on her face, then she turned to Quinn and said, "He was kind of like a ghost sneaking up in the night! Spooky." And with that she went into the bathroom.
Quinn stood by the door.
And when they went back to Quinn's bedroom, Quinn stayed awake. Standing guard over Brittany.
Quinn never invited them over for a sleepover again. And Santana never questioned it.
With high school on the horizon, Quinn became obsessed with the award-winning Cheerios team. Not only were they athletic, not only did they have skills that Quinn envied and wanted to learn, they spent a ridiculous amount of time away for competitions. Most of the time out of the county, sometimes out of the goddamn state. That seemed like heaven. Quinn easily convinced Santana and Brittany it was where they belonged. They practiced all summer before ninth grade, Brittany taking to it easiest and teaching both Santana and Quinn handsprings and backflips. They were some of the most prepared girls to ever try out. They got in easily.
Sue fell in love with Quinn, her new pet project, and named her Head Cheerio.
That Friday, Quinn proudly wore her cheerleading uniform home.
Her dad had nearly ripped the zipper off.
And afterward, he said, "I bet Brittany looks great in this. I can't wait to chaperone."
Quinn had felt everything in her shatter.
He'd been mentioning Brittany more and more since the start of summer, when he'd picked Quinn up from practicing with the girls one day and seen them in workout gear. And Quinn knew, she knew that it was too risky.
If she got Brittany hurt, she'd kill herself. If Santana didn't get to her first, which she'd have every right to.
Quinn did the only thing she could think to do. She exorcised her best friends from her life.
Who had she been kidding, thinking she could have friends.
...
Rachel quickly figured out the reason that Quinn had kicked her out. Quinn had thought that Rachel was hitting on her (which was Rachel's fault, why had she called her a pretty girl?), and because Quinn had a reputation at the school as being 'loose', Quinn had assumed that Rachel bought in to the gossip and had been insulted. It made perfect sense for her to be upset. And Rachel felt horrible for it, even if she thought that Quinn's reaction had been a bit over-the-top.
She had to figure out a way to make it up to her. She also had to figure out how to retrieve her backpack without the interaction being completely awkward.
Rachel needed to discuss this with someone, but Santana and Brittany were clearly out of the question. So she had to resort to other friends.
She pulled out her phone and typed up a quick text.
S.O.S, need girl's night with you and Cedes. Tonight okay? ~Rachel Barbra Berry
The reply was nearly instantaneous.
Always available for you. Come over, we're both already here.
Rachel let out a sigh of relief. Kurt and Mercedes would help. They were extremely dependable, if a little dramatic. It wasn't as if any of Rachel's friends weren't the dramatic type, after all. They were in glee club. Well, maybe Matt and Mike were exceptions, but they couldn't be depended on for this kind of situation.
Rachel walked to her house first, getting her car to drive to Kurt's. She had planned to walk home after Quinn's anyway, so she wasn't too put out. It was a reasonable distance, and Rachel liked a good walk. But walking from Quinn's to Kurt's was absolutely out of the question. She'd look horrendous after such a trek.
Rachel pulled in front of Kurt's and ran up to the front door, knocking rapidly without stopping until Kurt opened the door and her knuckles nearly collided with his face. Kurt was clearly startled by the look on Rachel's face, and he ushered her in with a worried 'tell us all about it, sweetie'. Finn, Kurt's stepbrother, was grabbing a sandwich in the kitchen and watched with confusion as Kurt herded Rachel into his room and slammed the door.
Mercedes was on the bed, flipping through a glamor magazine, but upon seeing Rachel's face she threw the magazine on the floor and held out her arms. Rachel let out a little huff and accepted the hug gratefully. "What's wrong, Rach? I haven't seen you this worked up in ages."
Mercedes, Rachel, and Kurt crowded at the head of the bed with Rachel nestled between them comfortably. Santana and Brittany were her best friends, but sometimes Kurt and Mercedes were exactly who Rachel needed.
"I really blew it today. I was trying to make sure that Quinn and I became friends and it exploded in my face," Rachel said, using her hands to simulate an explosion for emphasis. Mercedes and Kurt exchanged looks.
"Um, who, sweetie?" Kurt asked doubtfully.
"Quinn, Quinn Fabray. She's in our grade," Rachel replied glumly, and at that Kurt hopped up from his bed and started looking through his bookshelf. He pulled out last year's yearbook and returned to his spot.
"Doesn't ring a bell," Mercedes said slowly, wondering whom on earth her friend could be trying to befriend. There weren't a whole lot of people Mercedes and Kurt didn't collectively know. They were fairly well known to be the gossip hubs of the school.
Kurt found the page where last year's sophomores started and flipped to the Fs, putting his finger on the page and dragging it down until he found Fabray. He looked at the picture and blinked, startled. He had no idea who this girl was. And how was that possible? She was beautiful, with golden locks and a symmetrical, pretty face. She was a shoe-in for popular, but he didn't know her at all… And clearly, she'd been around for over a year, so he couldn't claim transfer student. This was certainly a blow to his reputation.
Rachel looked down at the picture and her face fell. Because that wasn't at all the Quinn she knew, the Quinn she'd so nearly befriended. "She doesn't look like that anymore," Rachel said quietly, pushing the yearbook away. "She dresses more… punk. She dyed her hair, too. Pink."
Kurt and Mercedes both made the same noise of annoyance at once. "Rachel!" Kurt said, shaking his head. "Lead with the hair! There's literally only one girl in the whole school with all-pink hair! Not that I know her well or anything, but I've seen her around. She's a Skank, right?" As he absorbed the question he'd just asked, Kurt and Mercedes looked at each other again, eyes wide. What was Rachel Berry doing trying to befriend a Skank?
"She is, but she's not really like them at all," Rachel said, her tone still coated in misery. "Well, she has an attitude. And she doesn't go to class. But she gets straight As, and she doesn't go around mugging kids, I don't think. She just… hangs out with them, is all."
"Well, that is a qualifier," Kurt said with a chuckle. Rachel shot him a glare.
"Hey, yeah I remember her better now!" Mercedes said, pulling the yearbook across Rachel's lap to peer at the picture. "I didn't really get a good look at her that day, but remember Kurt? I told you about the Skank who broke Phil Ritter's nose?"
"That's her?" Kurt exclaimed, leaning in for the dish. Rachel's brow furrowed. No, that didn't sound at all like Quinn. Did it?
"Yeah, so check this Rach, like one month into the school year my grades stopped loading into the server, something about my student ID number or some bull. And my teachers tried to fix it but it was like, an administrative thing or whatever and no one high enough was doing anything to fix it, so I went to Figgins all ready to chew him out because I needed my grades in the damn system, you know? Anyway, I'm waiting for him to get done with his meeting, and he's yelling at this pink-haired chick, Quinn," Mercedes looked down at the picture as if to confirm, but her nose wrinkled in indecision. "Anyway, suddenly the office door like, SLAMS open, and fucking Ms. PILLSBURY comes storming in looking like she's about to murder someone."
Rachel couldn't believe her ears. "Ms. Pillsbury? Emma Pillsbury, the counselor? The one who has a crush on our Mr. Schuester?"
"That's the one! I didn't even know she could raise her voice, never mind look as mad as she did that day. She goes into Figgins' office and starts screaming at him. Something about school policy and conduct and apparently Ritter was doing something super shitty and that's why Quinn clocked him and broke his nose, and Ms. Pillsbury started talking about people suing and all, and Figgins wilted like a dead flower. Think she was gonna get suspended or even expelled, but she ended up with, like, detention or something."
Rachel's eyes had gone wide as saucers. She had more questions now than ever. Was Quinn violent? But it sounded like Phil Ritter had been doing something awful, and Quinn had either stopped him or made sure he'd never do it again. And that wasn't bad, was it? Rachel supposed it depended on what Phil had been doing.
There was a knock on the door and after a moment the door opened and an anxious-looking Finn peered around the corner. "Hey," he said nervously, flinching under the glare Kurt sent his way. "I know closed door is supposed to be a clue for 'do not disturb', but Rachel looked upset. Is everything okay?"
"It's fine, Finn, thank you for your concern," Rachel said with a small smile. Finn let out a sigh, grinning with relief.
"Okay, good. I know we don't date anymore but Puck says I still have to make sure you're always alright or else he'll beat me up." Rachel laughed a little at this, and Finn brightened more, then he rubbed a hand through his hair and added quickly, "And of course, I care, too. I just also don't want to get beat up. Want a tea or something?"
"No, thank you for the offer though," Rachel said. When Mercedes cleared her throat and Kurt jerked his head, Finn took the cue and left.
"He's gotten a lot better since you dumped him," Kurt mused, giving Rachel a wily grin. "More considerate. I think you were a wake-up call."
"Well he can't go around calling people sad hookers when he's dating them and expect his girlfriend to stick around," Rachel said with a toss of her brown hair. "He's just a kid, and he can grow out of it. Hopefully."
Kurt and Mercedes both laughed.
.
Rachel decided that her best bet to find out the circumstances of the Great Nose Breaking Fiasco would be to ask Ms. Pillsbury herself. Ms. Pillsbury was a good counselor, really, and generally speaking she could keep secrets, but Rachel knew she was a bit more loose-lipped when it came to Mr. Schue and his Glee charges. If she asked on his behalf, perhaps she'd be more likely to get an answer.
Rachel felt naked as she entered school, sporting an old middle school backpack with empty notebooks and anything she'd happened to leave at home the day before, because her backpack was still in Quinn Fabray's custody. She wasn't going to ruin things further by showing up at the Fabray residence uninvited to get it. She'd ask if she could swing by after school when she saw Quinn in Spanish. If Quinn said no… well, she'd ask politely if Quinn would bring it to school with her on Wednesday. Two nights without her backpack would be awful, but she'd bear it to avoid stepping on Quinn's toes. Courting Quinn was a delicate matter, and Rachel could manage a few days without some textbooks. She could borrow from friends, as she had the previous night with Kurt.
Rachel was early so she could swing by Ms. Pillsbury's before her first period class. Wanting to know didn't technically have anything to do with befriending Quinn, but knowing would help Rachel figure out if she wanted to keep going, or at the very least how to proceed. She still couldn't get her mind around the idea of Quinn being violent. It just didn't mesh with what she knew of Quinn. Now defensive, that was a given. If Quinn had been defending herself- Rachel's stomach squirmed, remembering Miles Brody and his aggressive pursuit of Quinn. If anyone had laid a hand on Quinn, Rachel would destroy them.
Ms. Pillsbury was already in her office, typing something on her computer. She immediately stopped when Rachel entered and closed the door behind her. The teacher visibly brightened, sitting up straighter and saying enthusiastically, "Rachel! What a pleasant surprise!" She stopped herself from saying anything further, and Rachel gave her a questioning look. Ms. Pillsbury seemed itching to say something.
"Good morning, Ms. Pillsbury! I actually have a question for you, in regards to a student named Quinn F-"
"How did yesterday go? Did you two have a good time?" Ms. Pillsbury interrupted as soon as Rachel started the name, vibrating with excitement. Rachel opened her mouth in surprise. How had the counselor known about that? Rachel hadn't told anyone except her fathers beforehand. And Quinn wasn't likely to have said anything about it- Unless…
"Did Quinn tell you?"
Ms. Pillsbury blushed as bright as her hair, nodding as she put her hands to her cheeks. "Oh gosh, I shouldn't have said anything. Quinn will be mortified that I told you I knew. I just wanted to know so badly, I can't be expected to wait to hear about it until club when you of all people show up in my office."
"Club?" Rachel questioned, slowly starting to understand how Ms. Pillsbury might possibly know Quinn.
"Celibacy club, it's every day after school. Quinn's the only member, so we do end up talking a bit," Ms. Pillsbury explained. "I was excited to hear that you two were starting to hang out. How was yesterday?"
Rachel smiled, still thrown by Ms. Pillsbury's interest in Quinn's social life, but quietly happy that at least someone else seemed to care what was going on in Quinn's day to day. It was strange that it was a counselor, but Quinn seemed so lonely, and Rachel would take what she could get.
"It was a bit rocky, but I'm sure everything will work out," Rachel replied vaguely. Ms. Pillsbury looked startled and seemed to want to question Rachel further, but Rachel pressed on. "Actually, I wanted to ask you a question. About Quinn. If that's alright."
Ms. Pillsbury's smile faded, and she put her folded hands on the desk in front of her. "It depends on the question, Rachel. I'm a counselor, you know that includes a promise of privacy."
"I just- wanted to know about an incident at the beginning of the year… Quinn broke a boy's nose?"
Instantly Ms. Pillsbury bristled, sitting up straighter and saying forcefully, "That is no reason to not be Quinn's friend, Rachel, if that's what the trouble was last night. Quinn is an outstanding person. If you could just give her a chance, you'd see-"
"Oh no, please, you misunderstand me," Rachel hurried to say, putting up her hands in defense. "I think Quinn is brilliant, she's funny and smart- I just… I just wanted to know- I figured it was something that wasn't her fault, but I wanted to be sure so that I wouldn't go into this unaware."
Ms. Pillsbury relaxed a little, but she was silent as she surveyed Rachel, lips pressed thin in thought. After a moment, she said carefully, "I can't discuss the particulars of that case, Rachel. Not even with you. What I will say is this. Quinn Fabray is a courageous lion of a girl who defends people when she can. And I am proud of her."
Rachel smiled, relieved. Quinn had been defending someone.
Defending someone against something that even peaceable Ms. Pillsbury didn't mind using violence against… Now that was worrying.
If it had been something so awful, like a kid getting beat up, Quinn stepping in on their behalf was incredible. It made Rachel even more convinced that Quinn was worth the effort she was putting in.
"Thank you very much, Ms. Pillsbury," Rachel said sincerely. The counselor gave her a nod, and Rachel left the office.
.
Rachel was putting out one of her emergency blank notebooks for Spanish when her backpack slammed down on her desk and she nearly jumped out of her shoes. She looked up to see Quinn glaring coldly down at her, muttering a curt, "This is yours," before starting to walk away.
"Wait, Quinn!" Rachel yelped, reaching out without thinking to grab Quinn's sleeve. Quinn yanked her arm out of the way before she could, and her face contorted in anger. Rachel quickly shoved her hand back into her lap. "I'm sorry, that was rude of me. And I'm sorry about last night."
Quinn looked around the classroom to see if anyone was listening. They were almost alone in the room, but there was a boy towards the front, so Quinn stepped closer to Rachel so she could hiss, "Listen to me, Berry. Nothing happened, and this entire relationship you've been desperately trying to forge didn't even happen as far as I'm concerned, so you need to back off. After this stupid project, don't talk to me again."
"Quinn," Rachel said softly, biting her lip nervously. "If that's what you really want… then I won't bother you again. But please, hear me out."
Quinn crossed her arms over her chest and raised an eyebrow, waiting.
"I understand what happened, I think. You thought I was coming on to you-" Rachel was interrupted by Quinn's angry scoff, but Rachel kept going, "And that doesn't really surprise me, given what I said. But I wasn't. I just felt guilty about snooping around your room and tried to come up with something to say to seem less- less strange, and it achieved the exact opposite of what I wanted it to. And I'm sorry. I don't believe that you're some easy Skank who would give it up to anybody, I don't even believe most of the boys at school who say they've slept with you have. I mean, I know a thing or two about rumors, not to mention that you, well, hate everyone." Rachel flinched, not at all sure that was the right thing to say until the corner of Quinn's lips tugged up briefly in a smirk. "I wasn't trying to use you, Quinn. I wanted to be your friend, because I can see how cool you are and how much you meant to Santana and Brittany. I hoped we could all be friends. What I said was true. You're the prettiest girl I've ever met.. but you're a lot more than that."
Rachel took a deep breath, already flinching away from Quinn's rejection. But it didn't come. Quinn just stared at her blankly. Rachel couldn't tell at all what Quinn was thinking, and it was making her nervous. Quinn turned away with a shrug, and Rachel's heart sank. Then over her shoulder, Quinn said, "Fine. Apology accepted. But you're wrong, I don't hate everyone." And without looking back at Rachel, Quinn went to her seat.
Rachel could have burst with happiness.
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