Earlier update than normal, thank you for your continued support.
The thing of it was, Quinn knew about abuse. She'd had to sit through health classes, she'd seen after-school-specials on television. She wasn't unaware, like a little kid who thought this was just normal daddy-daughter interaction. Maybe when she was 8, it hadn't been the first thing to come to mind. But at sixteen, Quinn Fabray was well aware of what child abuse was. She even knew that there was probably some brainwashing in there somewhere, to a degree, but she wasn't sure what was true and what was false, and stripping down everything that she knew seemed like a useless endeavor. It was just far too late for Quinn. She was already tainted, and nothing she did would fix it, and trying to get out of the situation would only make everything worse. Her dad was a pillar of the community, he'd get her back in seconds, and that would threaten her college fund, her chance at a future.
Once she'd even been watching some show on television, Summerland or something, where a kid was being abused, and she'd frozen up on the couch. She'd looked over at her dad, who was reading the paper, and he hadn't even flinched. Quinn had watched her dad for practically the rest of the episode instead of watching the tv, and not a peep. Sure, he didn't hit her, but- and her younger self had eventually switched off the television and gone up to her room.
And that night had been the same as all the rest.
Quinn hadn't told anyone to begin with because it had just been her life, then it had been because of shame.
Eventually it had just been to late to do anything, and it made more sense to just bear it until college, get her tuition and graduate with top grades, and then never see her father ever again.
.
Quinn was still uncertain why Rachel wanted Quinn to meet her at her locker, but she'd agreed to do it. She hadn't agreed to be right on time though, so she was walking the near-empty halls toward Rachel's locker a few minutes into the period. She saw Miles Brody down the hall and flipped him off, rounding the corner and freezing in surprise.
Rachel Berry stood waiting, with Santana and Brittany in tow. Rachel was looking down at her phone every few seconds. Next to her Santana was inwardly fuming. Quinn could practically see the steam rising off her. The only one who seemed unbothered was Brittany, who beamed when she noticed Quinn's approach and moved in to give Quinn a quick hug.
"Way to keep us waiting," Santana snapped, but there was less fire behind it that Quinn would normally expect and she raised an eyebrow in reply.
"What are you all doing here?"
"Waiting for you, silly!" Rachel said, sidling up to Quinn and linking her arms with hers. Quinn immediately disentangled.
"Too strong, Rach," Santana said with a snort, elbowing Rachel lightly in the ribs. "We thought you'd show up sooner than you did, so we could all head over to the library together."
"But… why?" Quinn asked warily. She looked around. Was this some kind of trick?
"Because we wanted to make sure you were okay, but we didn't want to be too obvious about it so we agreed that this one period would be a good start," Brittany explained. Rachel gave Brittany a sharp look and Santana sighed and smacked her forehead.
"Make sure- Why wouldn't I be okay?" Quinn asked, her defenses going up.
"What Brittany means is, now that we know there are bullies around and you and your friends are targets, we were hoping we could spend some time walking the halls with you, so that people know you're our friend and stop picking on you," Rachel hurried to reply.
Quinn relaxed slightly even as her annoyance kicked into overdrive. Was Rachel still on that? "You don't have to worry about me, Rachel, or drag these two along with you."
"We weren't dragged!" Brittany protested, frowning slightly at the implication. "We wanted to make sure you were okay, too."
Quinn softened a little and gave Britt a small smile. "Alright, maybe not you. But Santana over here-"
"Came of her own free will, thank you very much. Do you really think I'd be here if I didn't want to be?" Santana put her hands on her hips and pouted.
Quinn blinked, heat of alarm running up her neck. "Since when- What does that mean?"
"Don't read into it too much, Fabray, or you'll hurt your pretty little head. It is what it is."
Quinn felt like the floor had dropped from under her, like she was spinning in space. Brittany wanting to be friendly was one thing, but Santana's venom had made it easier for Quinn to keep her distance through this project. Now Santana was acting practically… nice. She couldn't do that, it would mess up everything Quinn had worked for. She took a step back, feeling like glass was breaking in her chest, and Brittany took a concerned step forward, arms outstretched-
-"I bet Brittany looks great in this."-
"Well I don't want you here, Lopez, so just back the fuck off," Quinn snarled, causing Santana's eyes to narrow and Brittany to quail in her approach.
Rachel's eyes went wide with concern, unprepared for the extreme negative response from Quinn. Something about Santana and Brittany set Quinn off. Rachel put a hand discreetly on Santana's arm, trying to placate the now seething latina, and she said, "Well, we're here, so let's just go to the library and work."
Quinn nodded sharply and turned on her heel, marching back toward the corner she'd rounded to get to Rachel's locker and outstripping the other three girls quickly.
As Quinn turned the corner, she had just enough time to partially close her eyes as red slushie was thrown into her face and Miles Brody started to howl with laughter.
Quinn's eyes were slammed shut and she missed the unfolding off the next events, though she heard a wildcat cry and felt two sets of hands grab her on either side, as if afraid she'd fall. Quinn reflexively struggled against the hold on her, points of panic bouncing around her head, but Rachel's melodic voice was on her right saying that they were there to help and she slowly stilled. Risking even more stinging to her eyes, she opened them only just, and she saw Santana pinning Brody to the hall floor and landing punch after punch on his face and chest.
Rachel said something to Brittany and Brittany let go of Quinn, going to pull her girlfriend off the hapless boy. Santana was still shrieking abuse and screaming intermittently in Spanish, saying what Quinn thought might have been something about bad things happening in Santana's neighborhood. Brittany easily picked her girlfriend up, even as the enraged Santana still kicked at Brody's prone body.
"We're going to the bathroom," Rachel called over her shoulder at her two best friends as she steered Quinn away. The stinging was too much and Quinn reluctantly closed her eyes and let Rachel guide her through the halls. She hated feeling so helpless, but if anyone was going to walk her through the halls blind and not let her get injured it was single-minded Berry.
Quinn heard the familiar creak of the swinging bathroom doors, and Rachel's grip on Quinn disappeared, leaving Quinn reaching for her in frustration before a paper towel was pushed into her hand. Quinn quickly used it to clear her eyes, then when enough was out of her eyes she opened them and beelined to the sink to clear them further.
"Wait, Quinn, I can help you," Rachel said quickly. Quinn looked at her doubtfully, but then Rachel had vanished out the bathroom door. Unsure of what to do, Quinn waited, and within thirty seconds Rachel was back with a plastic chair stolen from some classroom down the hall. She put it against the sink, motioning for Quinn to sit. "Just like a hair salon, you'll lean back and I'll wash it out of your hair."
Quinn stood back, biting on her lips as she eyed Rachel for signs of deceit. All Quinn saw was Rachel's open, bright face as she turned on the faucet, letting the water run over her fingers to get it to a good temperature.
"…fine," Quinn whispered, sitting down and leaning her head back.
Rachel's fingers were soft as they started working their way through Quinn's hair, working the warm water through with expert strokes. Quinn closed her eyes, gripping the sides of the chair until her knuckles turned white, and when the water splashed into her eyes she jerked. Rachel's hand rested on her forehead to push her back down, and sheer panic coursed through Quinn as she lost track of where she was. She jerked up again, her forehead colliding with the metal faucet, and she twisted and half-tumbled out of the chair, landing on her knees and surging to her feet, spinning wildly.
"Quinn!" Rachel yelled in alarm, her hand reaching towards Quinn. "What's wrong?"
Blinded momentarily by fear, forgetting where she was and whom she was with, Quinn's hand lashed out. Only at the last second did her hand uncurl from a fist, suddenly aware that it wasn't her dad standing in front of her, and instead of punching Rachel she slapped her hard across the face, hard enough that Rachel staggered. When she stood back up, cradling her cheek, Quinn looked on in horror as the realization of what she'd done sank in.
"I am so sorry," Quinn gasped out, hating herself with every fiber of her being. "I- I didn't mean- I just-" But she couldn't explain that she'd been somewhere else entirely, that she now took showers every day because when she'd tried to go full Skank and not bathe her dad had held her underwater in the bath and she'd thought she was going to drown. How she couldn't get her hair washed at the salon anymore, either.
Rachel looked so scared of her, and Quinn wilted, sagging against a nearby sink and closing her eyes. "I didn't mean it, I didn't mean it," Quinn started to repeat, to herself as much as to Rachel, because she couldn't be this person, a monster, what her dad had made of her. And she hadn't meant it, not to hit Rachel, who had been nothing but nice to her when by all rights Rachel should be horrible to her in return.
"Quinn," Rachel said softly, and Quinn opened her eyes. Rachel had a moist paper towel against her cheek, and there was a pinkness bleeding into the paper.
"Oh god," Quinn croaked with dread. "I hurt you." Saying it out loud meant that it was true, and Quinn felt tears grow in her eyes.
Rachel took the towel away and Quinn could see the little scratch under Rachel's left eye, from where Quinn's nail must have caught. She turned to the mirror and examined it critically, then said, "It's- well, no, it's not okay. But I recognize that it was not intentional, that something else made you react that way, and I accept your apology. I can actually appreciate the drama of a good slap, though it was undeserved." She turned back to Quinn and put on a small, sincere smile. "I forgive you, Quinn, so please don't beat yourself up. Are you okay? You seemed-" Rachel trailed off, clearly uncertain of what Quinn had seemed. Mortally terrified, which didn't make any sense.
"I- I'm-" Quinn stopped, took a shakey breath. "I don't like water in my face like that. Can- Can we try something else?"
"Okay…" Rachel said uncertainly, not at all pleased with the answer but fearful that pushing would make Quinn even more erratic. "Why don't we try with your face down? You'll still get water but it won't be so much falling onto your face as dripping?"
Quinn breathed out heavily, considering. Her father had held her in the water face up, and she hadn't been able to get a good grip on anything to pull herself out. Face down, while terrifying in it's own way, would allow her the leverage of using her arms to thrust herself upward if she wanted to. Quinn nodded. "Let's try that… please?"
Rachel nodded and Quinn went back to the sink, moving the chair out of the way. Rachel handed her a paper towel, folded in thirds, and said, "Put this over your eyes so the water that runs into your face won't be so bad." Quinn quietly complied, bending down into the basin. The back of her right hand and her nose were both touching the sink bottom, it was that shallow, but Quinn was able to duck her head under and only have the faucet grazing the top of her head. Dimly she realized that her forehead was throbbing and remembered she'd smacked it against the metal faucet in her quest to escape. She'd have to check it later.
Rachel resumed her gentle washing, nimble fingers getting all the sticky liquid out of her hair easily. She turned off the water and grabbed some towels, drying Quinn's hair some before she let the other girl out of the sink. "There. Now about your clothing-"
"I have a spare outfit in my backpack," Quinn said softly, looking down at the ground. She still felt absolutely sick with guilt. How could she have slapped Rachel? Caused her to bleed? She was such a deplorable human. Not even human at all.
"Quinn, please look at me."
After a long moment Quinn looked up. Rachel very carefully and slowly moved her hand forward, and when Quinn didn't flinch away she put it on Quinn's arm and squeezed. "I'm alright. It was an accident, and you didn't mean to hurt me."
Quinn reached up to fiddle with a cross that was no longer around her neck, then let her hand just hover. "Thank you, Rachel," she said softly, meaning it with all she had. Rachel's smile widened and she went to retrieve Quinn's backpack.
"Change in one of the stalls, we can swing by the nurse's before going to the library."
Quinn's face fell and she said, "Right, for your cheek."
Rachel looked confused, then said in shock, "Quinn, haven't you seen your forehead?"
Quinn frowned, wrinkling the skin of her forehead and making her head sting without meaning to. She turned to look in the mirror. A half-moon cut was on the right side of her forehead, halfway between the center of her forehead and her temple. It wasn't bleeding, but a smudge of blood indicated that it had been. Quinn hadn't even noticed, she'd just thought she had a bump.
"Oh," Quinn said slowly, fingers hovering by the wound briefly. "It's okay, we don't have to stop at the nurse's office. I barely noticed it."
"You have to take care of that cut," Rachel scolded.
"So do you," Quinn retorted, glaring a little. What did it matter that she'd hurt herself because she was a moron? She'd hurt Rachel, too, and that hadn't been Rachel's fault at all.
"Fine! We can both get taken care of," Rachel replied stubbornly. They glared at each other for a moment, and then Quinn turned around and stormed into a stall to change. God, Rachel was so hard-headed! She stripped off her jacket, shirt and pants, all three had gotten soaked or at least splashed with slushie. She had a full outfit (including bra if that got too wrecked) in a plastic bag in her backpack. Frustrated with Rachel, wanting to fluster her a bit, Quinn threw her clothes over the top of her stall. She was gratified to hear Rachel let out a squeak of shock, then huff something under her breath. Quinn cackled.
She shook out her wet hair, grabbing some toilet paper and wiping her damp shoulders off before she pulled on her new t-shirt and pants, finishing off with a gray striped sweater and a denim vest. She added her black beanie to keep her head warm, even though it might mean a case of hat hair as her pink hair dried.
When she came back out Rachel started to say something about throwing clothing, but she stopped mid-sentence and blushed. Quinn tugged her beanie self-consciously, not wanting to be reminded just then that Rachel would probably sleep with her if given the chance. Not after Rachel had been so sweet to her and seemed like she wanted to be her friend.
Then Rachel stomped her foot and marched up to Quinn, tugging her hat off. "Can't hide your cut from me, Quinn Fabray. You'll get this back after we get a Band-Aid."
Quinn had completely forgotten about her tiny wound, again.
"Okay, okay. Let me just," Quinn waved her hands, looking in the mirror and shaking her bangs into her forehead to semi-hide the wound. Rachel pouted and started to protest, but Quinn stopped her before she got too far. "I'm going, I'm going. I just don't want to walk through the hallways with an obviously bloody forehead."
Rachel looked uncertain but nodded. She helped Quinn stuff her soiled clothes into her plastic bag. Quinn stuffed it in her backpack and the two exited the bathroom.
Santana and Brittany were standing guard outside the bathroom. Quinn was startled to see it, but she smiled despite herself.
"Rachel, what's on your cheek?" Brittany asked with a frown.
The smile dropped off Quinn's face.
Santana looked between the two girls, and her face became a mask of rage. "Oh hell no, Fabray, you hurt her?!"
Santana started toward her, but Rachel stepped between them, and there was a flurry of Rachel and Santana talking over each other, neither one of them hearing the other. Quinn felt like shrinking into the floor.
"I'm so sorry," she whispered, and before the girls could react Quinn was running down the hall and out of sight.
"Quinn, come back!" Rachel called after her, face falling. She stomped her foot and fisted her hands at her sides. "Santana! You scared her off!"
"Well good, she hurt you!" Santana snapped back.
"It was an accident! If you'd taken two seconds before blowing off the handle, you'd have know that!" Rachel yelled back.
"Oh yeah, how'd she 'accidentally' hurt you?" Santana drawled sarcastically, but a look of uncertainty had descended on her eyes.
"She- well, I don't really know, she freaked out. I scared her… and I don't know how, but she got so started, she wanted me to get off her and did the only thing she seemed to think possible. She was so frightened, San…"
Santana looked like she wanted to crawl into a hole, but she hid it well. Only Rachel and Brittany could have been able to tell how bad she felt. Rachel's anger dissipated, and she gave Santana a quick hug. "I think that it has something to do with what's wrong- she was so frightened and I didn't know what to do." Rachel was so miserable, she couldn't even articulate it. The look on Quinn's face had nearly broken her heart.
"Can we go find her now, please?" Brittany asked from where she still stood, eyes looking down the hallway where Quinn had fled. "I don't want her to get slushied again, do you think she has more outfits hidden away?"
"That's a good idea, Britt," Rachel said with a nod, and the three girls went after Quinn.
.
Quinn ran out to her safe haven under the bleachers, fleeing from the girls, fleeing from the slushies, fleeing from the reality that she had smacked a girl across the face and was a monster just like her father. She paced in front of the bleachers couch, back and forth, the slap playing over and over in her head. The sound of it, the look on Rachel's face. It was horrible.
Quinn finally sat down, curling into herself with her knees up to her chest and her arms wrapped around her legs. She put her forehead to her knees, ignoring the sting of her cut as it rubbed against denim. She didn't deserve to take care of her own hurts.
"Quinn?"
Quinn peaked out from behind her knees. Rachel stood in front of her, Santana off to side, Brittany vibrating next to Quinn until she couldn't contain herself any longer and sat down next to Quinn, wrapping her arms around the pink-haired girl and petting her head. "It's okay, we know it was a mistake."
"It's not the kind of mistake that I ever wanted to make," Quinn breathed, burying her face against Brittany's shoulder. Letting Brittany cuddle her was such an error in Quinn's judgment, but in that moment it felt so good that she didn't pull away. No one had held her in so long, and Brittany's hugs were the absolute best kind of hugs.
"I'm sorry for going off on you, Q. You know how protective I am of my peeps," Santana apologized without looking at her. Quinn couldn't believe her ears. Santana Lopez was apologizing? In real life? Quinn hadn't thought it possible. And she was apologizing for something that she had every right to be mad at Quinn for. Quinn was protective, too, it was a trait that she and Santana shared, and she knew exactly how she would feel if someone hurt a person she cared about. Blind, uninhibited rage. It was a miracle that San hadn't jumped Quinn, too.
"It's okay, Santana, I would have reacted the same way," Quinn said softly.
Rachel sat down next to Quinn and Santana perched on the armrest of the couch. Rachel smiled. "As weird as it may seem, Quinn, friends can forgive each other for the hard stuff. And it's my decision to forgive you. You got it? You're forgiven, whole heartedly, and beating yourself up over it is doing no one any good."
Rachel delicately brushed the bangs out of Quinn's face, revealing the small crescent wound. Santana hissed in sympathy, and pulled her backpack onto her lap. She fished through it for a moment and then pulled out a Band-Aid.
Quinn chuckled before she could stop herself. "Really, San, still?"
"Old habits, Q," Santana said with a smirk, peeling the wrapping off the plaster and gently placing it on Quinn's forehead. Quinn closed her eyes as Santana pushed the adhesive tape so that it would stick, and she remembered what it was like to have friends, to feel wanted. To feel loved.
She didn't deserve it. But she couldn't reject it again, it would tear her to pieces.
Such a weak-willed girl.
Quinn opened her eyes and bit her lip, a 'thank you' trapped on her tongue. Santana just grinned at her. Brittany gave her a peck on the cheek. "There," Brittany said happily. "Now you'll feel better!"
Quinn shook her head but gave Britt a small smile. Santana turned to Rachel, pulling out another Band-Aid to tend to the diva next.
As someone who hasn't seen Glee season 4-5 episodes without Quinn in them, I have a question. What grade are the new New Directions, such as Kitty, Marley, and the others who I forget? None of them would be featured in this fic, but I'm wondering if mentioning any of them by name would be out of place. I know that at least Unique was in high school when the oldest group were seniors, but was she a frosh or a sophomore? Since this takes place during junior year for Quinn, Rachel and them, if Unique was a freshman in season 3 she wouldn't even be in high school yet.
Yes, even if they're not featured I'd like to know the layout of this world. I'm neurotic.