"Hello! My name is Rachel Barbra Berry, and I'm going to be on Broadway!"
Quinn rolled her eyes at Santana and Santana stuck out her tongue and wrinkled her nose in return, both girls so completely over this stupid freshman introduction that happened every class. They'd already had to do it twice today, same routine, same answer, boring, boring, boring. That, and the answers were absolutely banal. I want to be a doctor, oh I want to be a mommy, gross and stupid answers. Broadway was at least a new one, and Quinn turned in her seat to get a look at the speaker.
Her eyes widened in shock.
The girl who had spoken was beautiful. A wide smile broke her face ear-to-ear, chocolate brown eyes sparkling victoriously, straight backed and head held high. Around her people were snickering and whispering, but Quinn could only stare.
On Quinn's other side, Brittany smiled at her dumbstruck friend.
What had the girl said her name was? Rebecca? No, Rachel… Rachel Berry.
Quinn's stomach dropped. She knew that name. Berry was the name of the (faggot) homosexual couple that her dad so despised, and she knew they had a daughter Quinn's age.
Oh no. Was that what was happening? The reason Quinn's stomach was aflutter, why she couldn't stop staring? It was because Rachel was sending off gay vibes, perve vibes, and they were affecting Quinn because she, too, was a perve of the highest order. This was what her dad always talked about. Quinn was naturally sick.
No, no way was she going to give into her perverted side.
She was going to squash Rachel Berry under her heels.
Next to Quinn, Brittany saw the change in Quinn's eyes and her face fell.
.
"Come on, Q, we're going to be late for the Cheerios auditions, and that crazy coach is going to hate us off the bat," Santana complained as Quinn dawdled, looking up and down the hall for the troll who had made her face her own sick nature.
"Wait, just one sec," Quinn said for the tenth time. Santana huffed and leaned against her locker. Brittany was fretting next to Santana, looking from Quinn to Santana.
"I want to go to the audition, Q, can't we do whatever you're wanting to do later? Or not at all? That'd be good."
"What are you talking about, what do you think I'm going to do?" Quinn questioned harshly, her predator eyes snapping toward her friend. Brittany couldn't know that Quinn was gunning for Rachel, could she? There wouldn't be any way for her to know. Unless Brittany knew she was-
No, Brittany didn't. She couldn't.
Brittany shrugged, staring down at the ground.
Suddenly Rachel rounded the corner and Quinn pushed away from the lockers and into the middle of the hallway, an evil smirk on her face. Santana's gaze followed Quinn's and she frowned. "Wait, what's going on? Is that the Broadway girl?"
Brittany grabbed Santana's hand and started to walk in the opposite direction of Quinn's target, saying, "We'll see you at the auditions, if you're not gonna kiss her I don't want to see it."
Quinn felt like Brittany had dumped an ice water bucket over her and distantly she heard Santana question, "What is going on? Do we know that girl?"
So obviously Brittany knew, she knew that Quinn was a fucked-up human being. Well, she wasn't going to be. She wasn't going to let Rachel the Troll mess up her thoughts any further.
The girl was just passing by Quinn, and their eyes locked for just a moment. A smile of greeting touched Berry's face, and Quinn felt her stomach flip flop, and before she could think further on it Quinn slapped the books out of Berry's grip and while the girl was disoriented she slid her foot between Berry's, tangling the girl's pace and sending her tumbling to the floor.
"Watch where you're going, Man Hands," Quinn snarled, and when she saw everyone's gaze turn toward her she lifted her head high, blonde hair swinging as she said clearly, "Better avoid this one, guys, you might catch the gay."
Slowly, like a rumble of thunder, laughter spread through the crowd in waves, and soon everyone was laughing as Quinn stood triumphant over a teary-eyed Rachel Berry.
A group of senior Cheerios at the end of the hallway grinned at Quinn, and with one final smirk at Rachel she walked over to them. "Hi, would you mind showing me to the auditorium," Quinn simpered with a sweet smile. "I'm thinking about trying out for Cheerios, I think you are so awesome."
The older girls exchanged looks and nodded, one of the girls even going so far as to put an arm around Quinn's shoulders. Quinn held her head up. She'd sealed the deal. She knew she was good enough to get on the team, but with this she was part of the team.
The older girl didn't notice as Quinn slipped out from under her arm, walking just a step ahead with a regal stride.
.
… What do you say to taking chances,
What do you say to jumping off the edge?
Never knowing if there's solid ground below
Or hand to hold,
or hell to pay,
What do you say,
What do you say?
Don't know much about your life
And I don't know much about your world
Rachel finished singing and immediately the glee club started to applaud. Only Quinn sat motionless, her frozen mask hiding the terror under her skin. No. She had not fought and clawed and begged and prayed and cried herself to sleep at night for the chance to be normal to have it all thrown away over a girl with an angel voice. No, not angel, a siren's voice, like the mythical sea creatures luring sailors to their deaths. Sirens wanted to see those sailors drown.
Did Rachel want to see Quinn drown?
Well she was out of luck, because that wasn't going to happen.
Next to her she heard Brittany shift, and soon the blonde cheerleader had wrapped both arms around Quinn and was trying to say soothingly in her ear, "No, don't be like that, it's okay, Quinn."
It was most definitely not okay!
But Santana and Brittany are together, they're not filthy sinners.
That was different! They were different. They were normal.
Quinn wasn't normal. She knew now that being gay wasn't the abomination her father had made it out to be. But if Quinn was in the equation it was, because Quinn was the abomination, and anything she did would be twisted into some grotesque caricature, dooming her and the other person both.
Quinn would ruin them, and she'd go to hell for it.
How dare Rachel do this to her.
"Brittany, let go of me. Right. Now."
Brittany's fingers twitched with fear and Santana's gaze snapped around, outrage making her cheeks tint red. But Quinn had to make her tone lethal to get Brittany to let go, or else the girl would cling forever. Quinn couldn't let that happen. Slowly, Brittany let go, face like a kicked kitten when she looked at Quinn.
"Hey, don't talk to my girlfriend like that," Santana growled, looking at once angry and startled. Quinn never talked to Brittany like that. Even when distancing herself, she'd been aloof rather than biting, because being mean to Brittany was hard.
"Then tell your girlfriend not to grab me!" Quinn retorted as she tried to shake off the feeling of guilt at the way Brittany was looking at her. Brittany needed to learn boundaries, especially with Quinn. She shouldn't even be giving Quinn the time of day.
Rachel was still standing front and center but she approached Quinn with an air of caution as Quinn stood. "Quinn, are you alright?" The little diva asked, and god, Quinn could punch her for the way she was looking at her. The way that it was taking a concentrated effort for Quinn to not melt looking into Rachel's warm, concerned eyes.
"Good song, I'm leaving."
"I- I sang it for you," Rachel stammered uncertainly, biting her lip. Quinn bristled at the very notion. "To let you know- that we're here for you. If you want us. That you can take a chance and- and let yourself trust us."
"Well, I don't want you," Quinn said, voice cracking. "I don't want any of you." She whipped around as she said this to address all of them. Santana was glaring at her and Brittany was on the verge of tears, but everyone else looked uncomfortable at the conversation, clearly not wanting her around anymore than she wanted to be there. Only Mercedes looked unsettled, and the boy in the wheelchair seemed torn by the whole situation. Quinn felt her breath catch in her throat and her head start to swim. She felt like she was going to be sick and before she could catch herself she wobbled.
"Quinn?" Rachel asked, grabbing her under the arm. Quinn tried to shake her off but she felt like her fingers and toes were going numb and it was distressing enough to distract her from trying to get away from Rachel.
Rachel brought her back to the chair she'd vacated and Quinn put her head in her hands, shaking and gasping for air. "I think she's having a panic attack," she heard someone say, then there was a flurry of activity as people rushed to get water, to get a paper bag, and she would have screamed if she was certain she wouldn't throw up if she opened her mouth. Brittany was cooing in her ear and not touching her, which Quinn was grateful for and hated, because she wanted someone to comfort her, to tell her she wasn't dying.
Santana got out of the seat to her right and Rachel sat down, and then it was Rachel rubbing her back, Rachel giving her comfort and telling her she was going to be okay, everything would be okay, and what did she know because nothing was going to be okay, Quinn was seconds away from a slow and agonizing death one way or the other, wasn't she.
The one merciful thing about the whole scenario was that she wasn't crying.
Brittany stood up from her place at Quinn's right and Quinn whimpered without meaning to, fingers against her temple moving to reach after Brittany without her hand actually moving. Someone else took Brittany's place, and suddenly Ms. P's gentle voice was saying, "Quinn, can you hear me?"
How had Ms. P ended up here, to watch yet another Quinn Fabray meltdown. She turned her head just slightly, face still buried in her hands, and Ms. P smiled reassuringly at her. "Can you hear me?"
Quinn nodded, still not willing to open her mouth, but Ms. P seemed satisfied. Without Quinn needing to ask, Ms. P nodded towards someone she couldn't see. "Artie came and got me. He was worried about you."
Who? Quinn's eyes lifted towards where Ms. P had indicated. She'd expected to see just the bottom of someone and have to try and decipher who it was by the pants he wore, but she found herself eye to eye with wheelchair boy, who gave her a nervous wave. Him? Why had he cared? What did he want?
"Now, will you take some deep breaths for me?" Ms. P asked. Quinn nodded again, breathing in and exhaling. "A little slower, Quinn. Can you count to 8 while you inhale and 10 while you exhale?"
Quinn nodded a third time then did as Ms. P asked. It was harder to do than Quinn had expected and Quinn had to try a few times to get it right both counts. By the time she was able to she was feeling slightly better.
Rachel kept rubbing her back and humming. It should by all rights make her more upset, but it actually soothed Quinn. More proof that Quinn was fucked up beyond repair.
"How you doing, Quinn?" Ms. P inquired after a few minutes.
"Better," Quinn whispered, finally willing to open her mouth.
"That's good," Ms. P said with a bright smile.
"Sorry for interrupting your glee club twice in 20 minutes," Quinn murmured.
"It's alright, Q, the boys aren't even back yet, I think they're burying the bodies," Brittany replied.
Ms. P's jaw dropped and Mr. Schue looked nervous. "I'm sure that's not what's taking so long."
Quinn snorted a laugh and Brittany beamed at her. She leaned forward then rocked back. "I'm sorry about before, can I hug you now?"
Quinn felt her heart clench. She looked at Santana who was standing beside Brittany, wondering if Santana was going to kill her in the next few minutes. Santana just stared back at her coolly, quirking an eyebrow. When Quinn took too long to answer Santana pursed her lips and jerked her head towards Brittany, who was wilting fast.
"I'm sorry, too, and yes you can hug me," Quinn replied with a wobbly smile. Brittany grinned and rushed forward, scooping Quinn into a hug. For the first time since she'd sat again Quinn was sitting upward, and she rested her chin on Brittany's shoulder and closed her eyes. "I really am sorry, Britt," she said into Brittany's ear.
"That's okay," Brittany whispered back. "I forgot how scared you get. I wish you didn't, but since you do I gotta be more careful about what I do and say. I don't want you to run away again."
There was a long beat as Quinn took Brittany in, the rumbles of talk between the other glee kids like white noise, and finally she said, "I don't really want to either."
"I know," Brittany crooned back contently. "You didn't want to the first time, did you?"
Quinn turned to hide her face against Brittany's neck, and she said as low as she could against Brittany's skin, "No."
"That's sad."
Quinn nodded agreement. It was sad. Sad that she wanted them so badly, that she couldn't just let them be. Sad that she was so selfish.
Brittany leaned back and kissed Quinn's forehead. "I'd totally kiss you on the lips but Santana's right there and she gets mad when I do that even though I don't mean it with you like I do with her. And I don't use my tongue or anything."
Santana groaned exasperation; Brittany had been loud enough for her to hear this time. "Britt Britt, we aren't flipping European, we don't kiss lips with just anyone."
"Well we should, it's super nice. And besides, I don't lips kiss just anyone, San, just you and Rach and Q. That's different, they're our bffs."
"Well you don't see me mackin' on Rach or Q, do you?"
"That's because you being super repressed made physical intimacy with other girls intimidating. Except with Q, because that started when we were just little and everything was still innocent, even your crush on me."
"Brittany." Santana was bright red by then and Quinn had to laugh. Rachel beside her did the same, though no one else in the choir room seemed comfortable enough to laugh at Santana for fear of being violently eviscerated.
Brittany smiled her special smile at Rachel and Quinn, a smile only a select few people could illicit from Brittany. "I'm really glad you don't want to run away again, Quinn!"
Quinn looked down at her lap. That didn't mean she wouldn't. If she could muster up the strength to do so.
Right then the boys returned, looking more than a little worse for wear. Finn and the blonde boy had the grace to look ashamed, but Puck was preening his feathers like a peacock, and Mike and the black boy seemed to be comparing bruises. Mr. Schuester looked like he wanted to smack his head with his hand and he immediately started laying in on them about how violence was never the answer and that they were just perpetuating the cycle and he should report them to the principal.
"Mr. Schue, that's all usually interesting and relevant, but those boys were going to hurt Quinn," Puck yelled back, and the entire room quieted to hear what he had to say.
"That's no excuse for-"
"Of course it's an excuse! You think jerks like them are going to listen to kumbayas and reason when they practically admitted they were going to rape her just now?"
The whole room froze.
Brittany grabbed Quinn again and held her so hard it started to hurt and Rachel started crying. Santana barreled for the door again, but this time he was intercepted by the black boy, who easily picked her up and threw her over his shoulder, ignoring her as she screamed and swore and yelled, "Put me down, Matt!"
"They- they said that?"
"Well… not in those words," Finn said anxiously, shuffling where he stood. "They said that if Quinn thought what had happened to Mack was bad- And then Puck punched the guy who was talking so hard I think he lost a tooth." Finn looked at Quinn, puppy face long and sorrowful. "That's what they meant, right? And we didn't do anything wrong, if that's what they meant."
Quinn just stared back at him. Puck's words hadn't surprised her, really, but she wasn't sure that was what they had meant. Boys were all bluster. And they definitely would have messed with her, she wasn't entirely throwing the idea of sexual assault off the table, but rape seemed a bit much for them. They were cowards, and rape seemed a bit beyond their capabilities.
Especially on school grounds. What were they gonna do, trap her in a classroom and risk a teacher walking in?
It was sort of making her feel weird how angry this was making all of them. Angry beyond the fact that they were douchebags, like they were actually morally outraged at the idea of her getting hurt that way. What did it matter to them?
Quinn wondered if she'd have felt anything besides annoyance, if three jocks with big hands and big egos had felt her up and run off. Was she capable of mustering more? After her father that seemed a lot like small potatoes. She'd probably have been pissed at herself, more than anything, that she was magnetic and cursed enough to draw that upon herself at school, too. That would be fucking ridiculous.
And so like her. It was a wonder it hadn't happened before now.
"We took them to Ms. Sylvester, like Rachel asked," Mike said, and Matt nodded.
"It's not our fault they resisted," Puck added triumphantly.
Mr. Schuester seemed not to know what to do upon hearing this, so he asked all five boys to follow him into his office so they could talk some more.
The glee kids rapidly started talking amongst each other. Matt had set Santana down and she'd wandered back towards Britt, Q, and Rachel, still looking fit to murder. Quinn smiled bemusedly. Such an overreaction. It was sweet and silly. Quinn wanted to say, "Oh, Santana, it doesn't really matter in the long run," but saying something like that would cause a few raised eyebrows and more attention than she wanted.
Rachel had stopped crying, but Brittany was still squeezing Quinn for all she was worth. "Britt, you're breaking me," Quinn wheezed.
Brittany shook her head. "No, I'm not letting go and now we're going to have to be one person so that you never ever get hurt and Santana is just going to have to accept that. And she's going to have to learn how to kiss lips other than mine or else all our sex is going to be so awkward now and I don't want it to be."
"Brittany," Rachel coaxed, and Brittany looked at Rachel with swimming eyes. Rachel put a hand on Brittany's arm. "If you want, all three of us can take turns. Better than before. That way, I'll be there so you and Santana can spend time alone." Brittany shook her head and pouted, moving side to side with Quinn. "Well," Rachel said in the same tone, looking at Santana, "I think having four people be one person sounds much more fun than just two people as one. Don't you?"
Brittany was still pouting, but she sniffled and said, "Four brains for a mega brain."
"Exactly."
Very slowly, Brittany started to let go, and Quinn let out a sigh of relief. But Brittany said sternly, "You have to text me all the time, all the time always, so you need my number. And Santana's. And this weekend you can come to Mami Maribel's like before, because it'll make all of us feel better and whole. Okay?"
Quinn looked doubtfully at Santana. Santana looked blind-sided, but seeing Quinn's eyes she shrugged. "Yeah, come over. That's cool."
"I-" Quinn swallowed around the lump in her throat and felt like she was falling.
Rachel smiled beautifully and took her hand.
"…okay."
Quinn was such shit.
"Do you and Ms. Pillsbury want to stay for the rest of club?" Rachel asked excitedly. Her eyes danced with such excitement Quinn dreaded to think what they'd look like when she said no. They were still bright from crying, her face still slightly puffy. It made Quinn's heart seize.
"I think Ms. P was expecting-"
"I, personally, would love to stay," Ms. P interrupted. Quinn turned to look at the counselor, feeling only slightly betrayed. Ms. P's smile didn't falter. "While Celibacy Club is my favorite part of the day, I have missed being able to see you all rehearse, and since we're already here."
"But-" Quinn's protest died on her lips and she looked at her lap. What about her PB&J? What about giving Ms. P book recommendations, what about talking about how their days went? Their special, secret stuff. How was Quinn going to face being in a room with thirty plus people and then have to go home and deal with her father, no rest at all?
She very nearly wanted to collapse from exhaustion right now.
"Come on, come on, let's sing!" Brittany exclaimed with a bounce.
Quinn chuckled at that. "Britt, I can't sing."
"You liar! We sang all the time to boy bands when we were younger! Did you lose your voice? You can't have!"
Maybe I did.
Quinn hadn't sung since her time with Santana and Brittany. And with all that happened- with everything that she kept inside, didn't say, she couldn't imagine singing.
"Please, can we try?"
"I don't even know any songs that you'd know. You're in the glee club, not me."
"How about something old school?" Quinn looked at Santana, surprised the girl would actually put any support into this, let alone try and come up with a song. Santana looked unsure of herself as well, but she continued, "You know, like, Spice World or something."
"Oh, oh! Say You'll Be There, it's perfect!" Brittany gushed, and she pulled Quinn out of her seat and towards the center of the room.
"Britt, don't force her." Santana joined her girlfriend, arms crossed over her chest. Rachel stayed seated. When Quinn looked over at her, Rachel gave her an encouraging thumbs up.
"I don't know if I remember."
"Sure you do! Guys!" Brittany addressed the band members. "Say You'll Be There by the Spice Girls, please." She turned to Santana and said seriously, "You can't always be Scary Spice, though, you don't want to get typecast."
"Sweetie, I am Scary Spice."
"You could be Sporty! Or Posh!"
"No one is Posh but Victoria Beckham. They just aren't."
"That's true."
Quinn laughed. They were so unchanged, after all this time, and Quinn could see herself slipping them back on like a glove. Easy as anything.
"I'm Scary Spice."
"Fine. But I'm not Baby Spice this time, I'm Sporty." She turned to Quinn, all smiles. "Do you want Baby or Ginger."
"Ginger, definitely," Quinn replied. She was actually doing this. She was actually going to sing in a glee club meeting. The other kids were obviously still reeling from her intrusion and the chaos that had followed, because none of them had stepped forward themselves.
"I'll start!" Brittany announced. "Just jump in whenever, okay?"
Quinn felt suddenly apprehensive. She nodded. What if she messed up, what if she was horrible. What if they all laughed. Fuck them for laughing. But what if they did?
The music started and Brittany began.
Say you'll be there
I'm giving you everything all that joy can bring this I swear
Last time that we had this conversation I decided we should be friends
Yeah, but now we're going round in circles,
tell me will this deja vu never end?
Brittany looked at Quinn eagerly, but Quinn stood immobile, mouth open but no words coming out.
Santana put an arm around Quinn's waist and stepped in.
Now you tell me that you've fallen in love,
well I never ever thought that would be
This time you gotta take it easy throwing far too much emotions at me
But any fool can see they're falling, I gotta make you understand
Brittany and Santana sang together so well, and Quinn would just mess it up. But Santana bumped Quinn's hip with hers and made them sway, and Brittany put her arm around Quinn's shoulder and put her forehead against Quinn's, and Quinn closed her eyes and opened her mouth again.
I'm giving you everything all that joy can bring this I swear
And all that I want from you is a promise you will be there
Say you will be there
Won't you sing it with me
The three continued singing, getting into it, smiling, laughing, having the time of their lives.
Quinn never noticed that Rachel was staring at her, mouth agape with wonder.
Reviews are love :)