At dinner Quinn's hair was still damp, which she worried was rude, but neither Lopez parent seemed to mind. Mr. Lopez had joined them for dinner and he'd given Quinn a cordial nod. Mr. Lopez was an oral surgeon and he was often busy. His off days were Sunday and Monday so Quinn had rarely seen him because she had to be home for church on Sundays and Monday was a school day most of the year. The longest Quinn had ever spent with Mr. Lopez was a week in the summer between seventh and eighth grade when Quinn had gone camping with the Lopez family and Brittany. Even then Mr. Lopez had spent most of his time with his two sons while Mami Maribel had stayed with the girls.
That was back when Manuel and Antonio came back in the summers from college. Neither had come home the summer between 8th and 9th, which was sort of a relief to Quinn but had made Santana grumpy for a week.
Quinn had never understood Santana's attachment to her brothers. The age difference wasn't quite so dramatic as the one between Quinn and Frannie, but six and seven years older was still a lot. Santana and her brothers weren't close, but Santana adored them, and according to her they'd do anything for their little sister. Quinn didn't know if she believed that. Quinn hadn't yet become Santana's friends when the boys had actually been around. Tony was a senior when Quinn and Santana became friends, and he had always been out when she came over or had come home so late that Quinn had never seen him. Manny had already been in college.
She'd met both brothers only a handful of times. Quinn didn't see how they could be so devoted as well as completely absent, but Brittany assured Quinn that it was true. Brittany would know better, Quinn supposed, she had grown up with Santana since grade school, long before Quinn had entered the picture and before Manny and Tony had disappeared into college.
Quinn wondered if Rachel had ever met them.
They must both be out of college by now… It was startling for Quinn to realize that she didn't know anything about Santana's family anymore. It made Quinn feel strangely sad.
Dinner was delicious, as always. Santana kept glancing at Quinn and grinning as if to say "see what you've been missing?". Britt took seconds. This was always a fine practice in the Lopez household because there was always more to go around.
"This dinner is as scrumptious as always, Mami, and thank you for the vegan options," Rachel said after swallowing a mouthful.
"Muy rica," Brittany agreed with a full mouth.
Mami Maribel laughed, jerking a shoulder towards Rachel and saying to Quinn, "This one had me pulling out recipes I'd never used before. It was good, I was getting too comfy. Isn't that right, mi estrella?"
Rachel blushed and bobbed her head.
"I have to make sure she's eating all she needs," Mami Maribel said. "Now you, Quinn, I have to work on next. So pale."
Santana snorted into her food and Maribel swatted her daughter's hand.
"I'm sure I can count on you, Ms- Mami," Quinn said with a smile.
Maribel Lopez looked at Quinn and frowned slightly. Quinn ducked her head to keep eating, averting her eyes. "Of course, mija," Maribel said.
Mr. Lopez finished dinner first and vanished into his den. The girls finished shortly after, even Brittany who had eaten nearly twice as much as the others had. They went upstairs after loading the dishwasher to grab their pajamas.
When they were younger and smaller, Quinn, San and Britt had been able to squeeze into Santana's bed, but now that they were bigger and there were four of them they were going to sleep on the living room floor. They'd done that before, too, so it wasn't so different from previous sleepovers, only now… now Quinn wasn't sure where she fit. There had never been an order to them, really. They weren't like the Powerpuff Girls with a set left, center and right. The girls had just sort of fell where they may. But now… could Quinn really sleep right up next to Santana? Would San allow that? And what about the fact that San and Britt now had sex on the regular? Surely they wouldn't fool around with her and Rachel right there. But they'd want to be next to one another, right?
And Rachel… could Quinn sleep next to Rachel without-
She wasn't a perve. Quinn bit her cheek until she tasted metallic. She wasn't a perve.
It seemed so much more complicated now, without the innocence afforded by youth.
Though had Quinn really ever been innocent anyway?
Quinn changed into her sleepwear, a big t-shirt and shorts combo that was roomy and untainted and she had made her way back down to the living room to stand awkwardly next to the sofa, feeling out of place and wary. The other three girls were kind of taking a while, which made Quinn's paranoia kick into overdrive. They were probably talking about her and what a mistake it had been to invite her, how long her hair had taken and what a waste of their time, how everything was uncomfortable and horrible with her around-
"Thinking too hard as usual, I see."
Quinn brought herself back to reality and smiled tightly at Maribel, who was bringing in more pillows to add to the growing pile of bed accouterments littering the living room floor. Maribel set down the pillows and walked over to Quinn, pinching her cheek as she tsked, "Que linda."
"Thank you," Quinn replied awkwardly. It was nice of Maribel to call her pretty, but it always made Quinn feel like that was all she was. The pretty doll party favor, pass her around and admire how "pretty" she is. So fucking pretty.
"So why you haven't been around, mija?" Maribel asked conversationally, though her tone was anything but casual. Quinn should have seen it coming. Maribel Lopez was one of the most persistent people in the world.
"Santana and I… grew apart."
"Tch, that daughter of mine."
"Um, no, it wasn't… actually…"
"What, you think you have to tell me what a pain in the butt Santana can be? She came out arguing."
"It wasn't San… it was me." Quinn frowned. "I'd have thought she'd have told you."
"Santana doesn't tell me anything about anything," Maribel said with a long sigh, but she gave Quinn a wink to indicate she was teasing. "I'm glad you're back in her life, Quinn. You were always good for her."
"I think Rachel's plenty good for her, too," Quinn replied.
"Rachel is a gem, of course she is, but she can be entirely too optimistic about Santana's temper and attitude. She only just keeps Santana in check. You could always do it with an ease that even impressed me. And I'm her mother!" Maribel tapped her cheek with her finger. "I worry that someday their big personalities will try to occupy the same tiny space and they'll really be in for it."
Quinn chuckled a little. That was certainly a risk. So far Rachel and Santana had somehow managed to share the spotlight, but that might not be sustainable forever. Both extremely determined girls wanted to shine bright. Could their friendship survive a clash of egos?
Brittany would never have that problem. As for Quinn… well, once she would have just strong-armed the spotlight for herself. Now… now Quinn wanted the spotlight far away as possible.
"Now you're back, you can keep them from tearing each other's hearts out," Maribel said with a knowing grin. Quinn didn't know what to say to this. Mami Maribel was acting like Quinn had moved and come back, not abandoned Santana.
Three sets of feet sounded on the stairs and Brittany rounded the corner first, wearing only a tank and pair of black of underwear. Maribel rolled her eyes and muttered something in Spanish under her breath, leaving the living room quickly. Quinn just stared. Was that Brittany's sleepwear? Thank goodness Britt had worn a teddie onesie the time she'd come over to the Fabray household. This new taste in sleep clothes wouldn't have done anything to dissuade Quinn's father.
Santana had on a tank and short shorts and Rachel… Rachel wore a button-up plaid pajama top. It was so big on her short frame that for a second Quinn felt flush thinking Rachel, too, was only wearing underwear, but the girl lifted an arm to smooth her hair and the top rode up, revealing a pair of shorts that had been hidden by the long shirt. Quinn had to avert her eyes to prevent herself from staring at Rachel's absurdly long and tan pair of legs.
Mami Maribel reappeared, carrying a robe. She smiled affectionately at Brittany and tossed it to her. Britt caught it easily.
"Please, mija, if you must wear so little to bed, put this on before wandering the house. You know you'd give poor papi a heart attack."
"Okay, Mami," Brittany replied without an ounce of shame. Maribel shook her head and left again.
All four girls plopped down on top of the comforter and pillows that made a nest on the living room floor. Brittany and Santana curled against one another and Rachel fiddled with the tv remote. Quinn sat with her back to the couch, knees drawn up to her chest. She felt so out of place. She didn't belong here, not anymore. And why would they still want her after how she'd treated them?
"So, Quinn!" Quinn looked up to see Rachel grinning at her. "Do you want to write?"
"Um… what?"
"You read so much. You must like stories. Do you want to write them?" Rachel turned her attention briefly back to the tv to find a music channel and select it.
"I, um… don't know."
Rachel looked surprised. "What, you don't kow what you want to do?"
Quinn shook her head slowly. Rachel's jaw dropped and she started to say something but Santana interrupted. "Aw, come on Rach, you know not everyone's had their future mapped out since they were a toddler like you have."
"But most people have some idea!"
"Not really."
Rachel harrumphed softly, then turned back to Quinn. "What do you want to do after high school?"
Quinn shook her head again to indicate she wasn't sure and Rachel scoffed. "Well now I just don't believe you. You have straight As and you're brilliant, you obviously are working for something."
"How do you know I have-"
Rachel's eyes went wide and before Quinn could finish she babbled, "For example, I plan to go to an art school in New York City and become a Broadway star by age 22!"
Brittany laughed and jumped on Rachel, belly flopping onto the tiny girl's chest. "Oooooh, Broadwayyyy," Brittany teased as Rachel squirmed under her, some of the air knocked out of her lungs. The tiny diva wheezed out a laugh so everyone knew she was alright.
"We only hear about Broadway every hour of every day," Santana groused, but she was grinning ear to ear and it was clear to Quinn that Santana was rooting for Rachel and her dreams.
Brittany grinned at Quinn. "Rachel is so gonna be a star. She doesn't even have to say so. But she does all the time. Me, I just want to dance."
"On Broadway," Rachel rasped, lifting her arms to do a weak jazz hands, making the other three laugh.
"Or at home, I don't know, just somewhere all the time," Brittany said.
"Britt Britt, you could be on stage with Beyoncé if you wanted," Santana said with a proud smile.
"Mmmm, that's true," Brittany granted with a nod, making the other girls laugh again. Brittany had never seen the value of being falsely humble. She knew she was a talented dancer. "I just don't know if I'll have time to go on tour with all the kids Santana and I will have."
"Brittany!" Santana shouted, burying her face in her hands as Rachel and Quinn practically rolled around giggling.
"So is that what you're doing after high school? Pop out kids with Britt?" Quinn needled. Santana groaned into her hands and both Rach and Quinn could see Santana's red ears. Brittany seemed unphased by her girlfriend's embarrassment. She still laid out on top of Rachel, her toes wiggling in her girlfriend's lap.
"I don't know. Britt seems to have it all planned out," Santana tried to shake off with a joke, but the cracking in her voice betrayed her emotion.
"But come on, Quinn, how 'bout you?" Britt urged.
Quinn bit her lip, then said, "Only if Santana says."
Santana's gaze turned up to Quinn in alarm. She watched Quinn, her mouth slightly open in shock, and then she gave Quinn a small smile. "Alright. Well… College. I like performing, so maybe something to do with that. Rachel has printed out applications from all over the country for me to fill out. And heck, I might actually send out all of them. So long as I find a place to perform… and so long as I'm near Britt, I'll be happy."
Quinn put her chin on her knees, her throat constricting in fear. She'd never said her biggest dream out loud, never risked putting it out into the universe for it to be snatched away from her. Putting her dream into words was frightening. She looked at Santana, who had risked humiliation to show her softer side, to admit that she was thinking about her future. She looked at Brittany who was grinning at her, not at all able to understand the worry that Quinn felt. She looked at Rachel still pinned under Brittany, who had the future of a star.
"I-… I want to go to Yale."
"Yale, oh Quinn!" Rachel squirmed enough that Brittany finally let her up, and Rachel leaned toward Quinn, eyes shining. "That's incredible!"
"It's not like I've gotten in," Quinn said thickly.
"Oh, but you will! You absolutely will; you're a shoe-in, Quinn!" Rachel enthused. Quinn fidgeted under Rachel's praise, worried that somehow karmic energy would take Rachel's exaggerated admiration as gloating and decide Quinn didn't deserve Yale.
"I'm not sure," Quinn said quietly, hoping that would balance her karma. "You have to be really smart to get into Yale. That, and it's so expensive. My dad will pay but-" Quinn trailed off.
She missed the meaningful look that Rachel and Santana exchanged.
"So you're dad will pay, what's the problem?" Santana asked.
"Nothing," Quinn said with a shrug.
"Psh, bullshit, what are you so nervous about?" Santana demanded.
"San," Rachel murmured. Quinn was scowling, so Rachel said more gently, "Don't you think he'll be happy you'll be going to an Ivy League?"
Quinn snorted, "Uh, duh. My dad will be over the moon if I get in. He'll have bragging rights for the rest of his life." Quinn frowned. She didn't know how to explain to the girls what she felt about owing her father so much. Quinn needed her father's money or she'd never be able to afford to go. She could apply for scholarships, sure, but one look at her family's financial situation and Yale wouldn't give her the best ones because they'd expect her to be able to pay. Her dad's money was her only shot. "I just- feel like it's asking a lot. For all that money. I don't want to owe my dad so much." That sounded alright, didn't it? Kids didn't want to put their parents out. They wouldn't think she didn't want to owe her dad because she secretly despised him.
"Aren't you rich?" Brittany asked, tilting her head. Rachel elbowed Brittany and Britt gave her a surprised look. "What?"
"It's rude to ask about money, Britt, you don't want to offend anyone," Rachel explained.
"But why is it rude to ask about money? Especially if you know someone has it?"
"Because you don't really know. You never know if they do have money, even if they look like they do, and you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings by assuming, do you?"
Brittany shook her head and looked back at Quinn with apologetic eyes. "I'm sorry Q, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings."
Quinn chuckled softly. "It's okay, you didn't. It's not my money though, you know? It's my dad's money."
"And you don't like your dad," Brittany said somberly.
The temperature of the entire room felt like it dropped ten degrees. Quinn's expression hardened, she breathed out fog in the now freezing air, and she said icily, "What does that mean."
Britttany sucked in her breath, looking to Rachel and Santana for help. Rachel had gone pale, her cheeks hollowed out in horror, and Santana looked very much like she wanted to run out of the room. "Um… um," Brittany stumbled, for once unable to find something to say.
"Santana and Brittany have told me you have a complicated relationship with your father," Rachel finally stammered.
"They have, have they," Quinn asked, every word sharp as an icicle. Santana and Brittany shrank. "Maybe they should mind their own business."
Rachel twisted in discomfort, but said quietly, "I think, Quinn, sometimes friends look at each other's lives and think everything is their business. It's definitely not always correct, but we care so hard that we forget boundaries. And sometimes it turns out we do have to take care of each other."
Quinn's chin was still raised so she could look down at the other three with narrowed eyes. The three rightfully quailed under Quinn's lethal gaze, and they waited for Quinn's condemnation.
"… My relationship with my dad isn't your business. I… appreciate your caring, but stay in your own lane. That goes for all three of you," Quinn said hoarsely. Her voice was still sharp as ice, but she let her chin dip back down again so that she wasn't looking down at them so dramatically.
Brittany and Santana bobbed their heads and Rachel slowly nodded too, but after a moment she bulled on, "If we make mistakes because we care, I apologize, but I won't apologize for caring, Quinn."
Quinn arched an eyebrow, surprised that Rachel had the courage to say something after her display of dominance. After a moment, she held out her hand. Rachel looked confused.
Quinn smirked slightly and said, "The remote, munchkin?"
Rachel fumbled for it and tossed it Quinn's way.
After Quinn chose the channel, Rachel scooted next to Quinn against the couch, and then Brittany crawled to Quinn's other side. Santana was the last to join them, eying Quinn warily like she was afraid Quinn might open her jaws and swallow them all whole. Quinn felt a pang of sadness that she elicited such fear from anyone. She didn't want people to have that deep-down terror of her, not really. It helped to keep people at a distance. But it also made Quinn feel like a monster. Just because it was a useful power didn't mean that Quinn liked that particular talent that she possessed. Quinn didn't want to be the demon that she was.
The room was tense for a long time after, but ever so slowly the tension left, the girls relaxed, and Brittany draped herself against Quinn as if nothing had ever happened. Then Rachel leaned against Quinn and Quinn felt every inch that Rachel's warmth pressed against her. Quinn turned to look at Rachel's head against her shoulder, breathing in Rachel's strawberry scent, and Quinn waited for the gates of Hell to open under her. She was already burning up on the inside, the urge to wrap her arms around Rachel so strong she had to knot her hands in her lap to keep her traitorous limbs from moving.
What was it about Rachel that made Quinn's whole body spasm, wanting to run and wanting to hold her and wanting to push her away violently? Was it just the interest that Rachel had shown in her? The effort Rachel had put into chasing her around for no apparent reason? That Rachel thought she was worth so much energy?
But no, Quinn had felt something even in freshman year, seeing Rachel's face light up like the sun, her confidence and kindness radiating off her in waves. Something about Rachel had always turned Quinn's head. What was it?
Was it really… the perverted part of her? Was that really it? But before Quinn had known Rachel, she'd assumed that Rachel was as wicked as Quinn herself was. Nothing seemed farther from the truth. Rachel was pure goodness. Something Quinn could never be.
And maybe that was it. Quinn wanted to be near someone so good and true because she herself was so awful and sinful. Like she thought sitting in Rachel's glow could cleanse her.
No. She couldn't do that to Rachel. She couldn't let her own wicked self anywhere near Rachel. She couldn't ruin Rachel.
There was no way that Quinn would let her dirt anywhere near unblemished Rachel Berry.
"Jeez, high school dances in movies are always so dramatic," Santana grumbled, throwing a pillow at the tv hanging on her wall.
"Do you think we're doing something wrong?" Rachel joked.
"Maybe we'll have a really crazy one this next time! It's only a couple weeks away," Brittany said with a giggle.
"What?" Rachel turned, and Quinn whipped her head back to facing forward before Rachel could notice that Quinn had been staring at her.
"The next dance? It's in two weeks… right?" Brittany frowned, scratching her head. "Did I get confused again?"
"Yeah, aren't you supposed to be helping plan that?" Santana asked.
"What, shi-" Rachel snapped her mouth shut before she swore. "I- I've been so distracted… those student council numbskulls haven't even been texting me!"
"Too busy sweeping up after us burnouts?" Quinn joked, trying to mask her guilt. God, the crusade that Quinn had inadvertently started was distracting Rachel from her own responsibilities?
"Oh god, I haven't even planned anything, I can't believe-"
"Chill, Rach, come on. It's barely even your responsibility, you just end up volunteering for everything and wind up with a hundred projects at once," Santana drawled.
"I volunteer and they expect me to help! What am I going to do?"
"Well, so long as they play good music I don't think anyone cares about planning," Brittany shrugged, her whole body moving against Quinn as she did. "I just want to go with Santana and dance with everyone's dates."
"Argh," Rachel groaned, burying her face against Quinn's neck, and Quinn froze staring at the tv screen, not seeing what was playing at all as all her attention was pulled to the skin that Rachel was breathing against. "I have to come up with something."
"You will, don't worry," Brittany said cheerfully. "Just make sure that everyone is happy and that the dance isn't sexist like it always ends up."
"That's it!" Rachel squawked, pushing off of Quinn and throwing the frozen Quinn sideways into Britt. "A Sadie Hawkins dance! We haven't had one of those!"
"Isn't that sexist, too?" Santana asked. "I mean, it's just switching the person who asks but the results are pretty much the same? Like, it says, "boys ask not girls, but we'll change it for this one dance"."
"Oh don't be a spoilsport! It's not a perfect solution, but it could be fun!"
"Whatever, it doesn't change anything for me. I'm still a girl and still taking a girl." Santana kissed Brittany on the cheek and Brittany giggled.
"I have to go grab a notebook, oh, I only have two weeks! I need to send out a mass text right now! Be right back, no need to hold the movie!" And Rachel was up and running to Santana's room to grab her bag.
"Will you ask someone, Quinn?" Brittany asked gleefully, smiling wide as Santana continued to cuddle her.
"Dances aren't really my thing."
"Oh, that's okay! I'm sure someone will ask you, so you don't have to worry about being the one to do it!"
It only belatedly occurred to Quinn that Brittany was implying a girl would ask her to the dance when Rachel came bursting back into the room, cell to her ear and two notebooks pulled from thin air, rattling off something to the person on the other end of her phone and waving a highlighter in the air like a conductor's baton.
Glee ends today. I'm surprisingly sad about this. Surprising because I do believe the show has run its course, but I'll be sad to see the last of Rachel and the rest. Quinn is in the finale though so I'm extremely pleased.
I have realized, upon hitting the preplanned end date of this fic before I realized the season was going to be 13 instead of 22 episodes, that this story is going to be a lot longer than I had realized. I wouldn't have finished even if the season had gone to 22 eps. This is good news and bad, because it means it will take much longer for me to finish, but there will be more to read. I hope you all stick with me!
Sleepover should be one more chapter.